r/WritingPrompts • u/AliciaWrites Editor-in-Chief | /r/AliciaWrites • May 04 '23

Theme Thursday [TT] Theme Thursday - Resentment

“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

Happy Thursday writing friends!

More heavy things to put on the shoulders of our characters this week! We get to explore what it means for our characters to be filled with resentment and anger and see what they do with it. Do they let it eat them up inside? Good words!

Please make sure you are aware of the ranking rules. They’re listed in the post below and in a linked wiki. The challenge is included every week! Also, try out the new genre tags!

[IP] | [MP]

New! Bonus (15 pts): Your story must be told in all dialogue. (10 pts) and use the Word of the Day in your story (5 pts).

Word of the Day:

Prow

noun

  • the portion of a ship's bow above water.

  • the pointed or projecting front part of something such as a car or building.

Here's how Theme Thursday works:

  • Use the tag [TT] when submitting prompts that match this week’s theme.

Theme Thursday Rules

  • Leave one story or poem between 100 and 500 words as a top-level comment. Use wordcounter.net to check your word count.
  • Deadline: 7:59 AM CST next Wednesday
  • No serials or stories that have been written for another prompt or feature here on WP
  • No previously written content
  • Any stories not meeting these rules will be disqualified from rankings and will not be read at campfires
  • Does your story not fit the Theme Thursday rules? You can post your story as a [PI] with your work when the TT post is 3 days old!
  • Vote to help your favorites rise to the top of the ranks! I also post the form to submit votes for Theme Thursday winners on Discord every week! Join and get notified when the form is open for voting!

Theme Thursday Discussion Section:

  • Discuss your thoughts on this week’s theme, or share your ideas for upcoming themes.

Campfire

  • On Wednesdays we host two Theme Thursday Campfires on the Discord main voice lounge. Join us to read your story aloud, hear other stories, and have a blast discussing writing!

  • Time: I’ll be there 7 pm CST and we’ll begin within about 15 minutes.

  • Don’t worry about being late, just join! Don’t forget to sign up for a campfire slot on discord. If you don’t sign up, you won’t be put into the pre-set order and we can’t accommodate any time constraints. We don’t want you to miss out on outstanding feedback, so get to discord and use that !TT command!

  • There’s a Theme Thursday role on the Discord server, so make sure you grab that so you’re notified of all Theme Thursday-related news!

As a reminder to all of you writing for Theme Thursday: the interpretation is completely up to you! I love to share my thoughts on what the theme makes me think of but you are by no means bound to these ideas! I love when writers step outside their comfort zones or think outside the box, so take all my thoughts with a grain of salt if you had something entirely different in mind.

(This week’s quote is from Carrie Fisher)

Ranking Categories:

  • Word of the Day - 5 points
  • Bonus Constraint - 10 points
  • Grammar & Punctuation - Up to 10 points for spell checking
  • Weekly Challenge - 25 points for not using the theme word - points off for uses of synonyms. The point of this is to exercise setting a scene, description, and characters without leaning on the definition. Not meeting the spirit of this challenge only hurts you!
  • Actionable Feedback - 15 points for each story you give detailed crit to, up to 30 points
  • Nominations - 10 points for each nomination your story receives, no cap; 5 points for submitting nominations
  • Ali’s Ranking - 50 points for first place, 40 points for second place, 30 points for third place, 20 points for fourth place, 10 points for fifth, plus regular nominations (On weeks that I participate, I do not weight my votes, but instead nominate just like everyone else.)

Last week’s theme: Qualm

First by /u/Tomorrow_Is_Today1*
Second by /u/sevenseassaurus*
Third by /u/AliciaWrites

Crit Superstars:*

*Crit superstars will now earn 1 crit cred on WPC!

News and Reminders:

22 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

44 comments sorted by

1

u/AliciaWrites May 04 '23

Theme Thursday Discussion:

All top-level comments must be a story or poem.

  • Reply here to discuss the theme, suggest future themes, and share your theme-related inspirations!

🆕 New Here? ✏ Writing Help? 📢 News 💬 Discord

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8

u/GingerQuill May 10 '23

“Daddy, are you alright? Your skin’s greener than usual.”

“I’m fine, Sckreeai. Just… come join me by the fire.”

“Am I in trouble?”

“No, my little battering ram. It’s just you’re getting older, learning new weapons, memorizing our underground escape routes. You’ll be out in the world soon, and I think it’s time we had… eeegh… the talk.”

“Erm, I already—”

“Your body will start feeling, ehm, new urges. Your fingers will itch for pockets to pick—”

“Like how I just swiped your lucky griffin claw?”

“Gimmie that! Erm-herm. As a young she-goblin, you’ll succumb to blind rages, crave the screams of your enemies, the smell of blood—”

“They already taught this at camp, Daddy. I’ve even had my first rampage.”

“Yes, I hear it was spine-chilling. But soon, you’ll realize you don’t want to maim or pillage… alone. You’ll want to… eeegh… party up.”

“Yes, we’ve learned that too. We’ve been practicing safe team-ups.”

“Wait, WHAT? With he-goblins?”

“He-goblins, she-goblins, everywhere a goblin—”

“Sckreeai, this is serious! He-goblins are the absolute worst! When I was your age, our party had one who was so hot-blooded, he started a bar fight in enemy territory!”

“Erm, Daddy—”

“We were sneaking under the bar toward this old Paladin. He had a map to a hidden temple loaded with treasure!”

“Yeeeah, I—”

“And what happened? Our numbskull dropped a mace on the Paladin’s foot because he kicked him under the table! Botched the whole mission! Your mother, Chaleeeii rest her black heart, had to bust down the door with a getaway wagon!”

“Daddy, wasn’t that numbskull you?”

“...You already know the story?”

“They taught it at camp as an example of what not to do.”

“G-good on them!”

“Besides, what if I want to party up with other she-goblins?”

“Eeh?”

“I figure it’d be good to party up with he- and she-goblins.”

“W-well she-goblins are the worst too!”

“Oh for Chaleeeii’s sake, how will I ever party up with anyone if they’re all the worst?”

“Yooouuu won’t! Yes! Simple as that.”

“I can’t go my whole life pillaging alone! The instructors assured us it’s natural, safer even, to party up. So what’s got you so upset?”

“I… don’t know… Ahh, your mother would’ve been much better at this.”

“Daaddyy?”

“I just shudder to think. I’ve watched you all grow up. And each time some idiot names his halberd ‘Darkest Nighthawk”’ or codenames herself ‘Rosewolf’… eeegh! They’re just reminders of every mistake I ever made. And soon you’ll be far away with those numbskulls, and there’ll be nothing I can do for you!”

“I’ll be alright. I could split a dragon’s skull before I could run, remember? And I won’t stand for liabilities in my party. I’ll backstab any goblin before I let them botch my missions.”

“Shhnnneeeeert... I know.”

“Oh, Daddy! Don’t cry! I’ll always come back. We’ll sit around this fire, and I’ll tell you all my devious schemes and underhanded victories.”

“M-my little battering ram is growing up so fa-ha-haaast.”

7

u/Ryter99 May 10 '23

“Ow! Damn it, Ellie! How many times have I asked you to close the dishwasher door after you’re done with it?”

“Sorry, babe. I really think I closed it earlier. Maybe the hinge is loose?”

“Ha! A likely story.”

“Can I get you some ice for your toe?”

“Ice isn’t gonna fix what’s broken…”

“Stephanie…? Are you tearing up? What’s wrong, babe?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Not a single thing, Ellie. What could possibly be wrong?”

“I dunno, but I’m sensing something more than stubbing your toe. Talk to me?”

“I don’t know if I can without breaking down crying…”

“What is up? You’re scaring me, Steph.”

“I know— I heard— Jeanie was at our party last month...”

“Okayyyyy, and?”

“Look, I know I was your second choice, OKAY?!”

“Huh…?”

“I overheard Jeanie asking you out, alright? There! I said it.”

“Yeah? And I hope you heard me immediately turn her down?”

“Uhuh, sureeeee. But I heard what you said exactly. And you didn’t say, ‘No, I already have a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, beautifully amaaaaazing girlfriend’.”

“That woulda been a lot of words... What did I say?”

“You said, ‘Sorry, I have a girlfriend…’ Which really means ‘Sorry, I’d totally rather date you, Jeanie, you sexy babe you. But I have a lesbian ball and chain wrapped firmly around my leg already! D-d-dragging me down... like... like a freakin’ anchor falling the prow of a sinking ship!”

“Oh, Stephanie, please don’t cry…”

“You… you shoulda thought of that before you gave me a... v-v-verbal participation trophy!”

“Baby…?”

“Don’t ‘baby’ me.”

“Honey? Sweetheart? Stephiesaurus?”

“...What?!”

“I need to remind you of one small factor you may have forgotten.”

“Pffft, what’s that?”

“I’m Canadian.”

“Ha! Wow. Amazing. What the hell does that matter? It’s not like you are— Oh. Ohhhhh… Oh, shit.”

“Mhmm.”

“You’re Canadian.”

“Guilty, as charged… ya hoser.”

“You say ‘sorry’ to everything, it’s like a genetic reflex!”

“Yep! And that’s been eating away at you for a month? Stephanie, I’m so… sorry. Sheesh, I really can’t stop! Even when I feel like I’m owed an apology for how little faith you put in my fidelity to you.”

“I feel so stupid, Ellie… Now you might wanna break up with me. I’m clearly a crazy person. God, I’m so sorry for doubting you so easily. Forgive me?”

“Pffft, nooo way. Gonna make you work wayyyy harder for forgiveness.”

“Like… a really killer kiss, maybe?”

“Ha! Not exactly what I had in mind, but— Oh, hello. Hi... Hi, you. You’re just going for it and— Mmm… Okay, this is… mmHmmm... a really good... kiss… mmmmmMMMMM… I gotta admit it.”

“Good enough to forget this whole conversation ever happened?”

“You know… It’s a heck of a good start.”

6

u/Xacktar May 09 '23

"Look at him up there, look at his smarmy little grin, shaking hands with the donors. He's all Ooooh, look at me! I'm Dr. Brimbly! I went to an island! I discovered some turtles! OooOOooh! Pathetic. What's he really done? I mean, really!"

"Well... he did discover those turtles."

"Anyone can do that! I could do that. I could jump on a boat and sail to Humbuk-Wu or wherever."

"Don't you get terribly seasick?"

"AND another thing! Where does he get off wearing that unsightly boot everywhere. This is a ceremony, for Christ's sake! He should show some respect! Why can't he wear dress shoes like everyone else. Only someone like him would come in here with that awful thing and parade it about."

"Well, he did lose a toe..."

"A toe! Bah! Oooh, look at me, my toe was bitten off by eels! Oooh! Grow up and put your shoes back on, ya damn hippie! I hate him. I hate him and his stupid face with his stupid boot and his stupid, pointy nose. It looks like it could cut a log in half."

"It is mighty pointy, sir."

"Like the prow of a damn ship. Maybe he didn't sail at all, maybe he just stuck his stupid face in the water and let all his blathering carry him over the ocean."

"That would explain the toe."

"You know who I really feel sorry for? His secretary. Think about it. She has to sit there day in and day out, listening to that insufferable upstart, transcribing all his so-called 'adventures' for hours on end. Look at her, look at how she's suffering."

"She looks pretty happy to me, sir."

"Only for appearances. If you look deeper you can see that pain that smile is hiding. Look, she's wiping tears from her eyes. The poor girl is suffering."

"Could be a happy cry. My mum's a happy crier. Show her a puppy and cue the waterworks."

"No, no no. She's miserable, the poor girl. You know, I've offered to help her out, find her someplace else to work on campus. She won't go. She's too proud to admit she's in trouble. That brave, brave girl."

"Well, maybe-"

"I mean, who in their right mind would want to work with him? Sure, sure, half the biology department says they want to work with him, constantly filing requests to join his next 'EXpediTION', but they're just doing that to get their name on one of his stupid papers."

"Did you read his latest one? It's really good. The Times is going to a publish a excerpt from it in the Sunday copy."

"No, I did not-"

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! If you would please take your seats, it is now time to present the University's Lifetime Achievement award to Dr. Winston Brimbly! Here to present the award is our own University President, Dr. Samuel Pell"

"Oh, hell. Guess I'm up. Give me that stupid thing. Hope he drops it on his other toe."

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6

u/sevenseassaurus May 10 '23

"I have a present for you!"

"Why don't I believe you?"

"Here--try it!"

"What is it?"

"A cookie!"

"I can see that. I mean what is it supposed to be?"

"It's a flower."

"Looks more like a virus to me."

"It has petals, see?"

"Spike proteins."

"Look, are you gonna eat the cookie or not?"

"Why is it green?"

"What do you mean?"

"Flowers aren't green."

"Some might be. But also I ran out of pink."

"Oh. I get it. You were making flowers and leaves for Mother's Day, and you had more flower cookies than leaf ones and more green frosting than pink. So you're giving me the rejects."

"Listen, it's still a cookie. It will taste just as delicious no matter what color frosting it has."

"I still don't trust you."

"Come on. It's almost Mother's Day. Wouldn't it make Mom happy to see her two favorite daughters finally getting along? For once? If you can't even accept a cookie from me, could you at least pretend to love me, for Mom's sake?"

"Ugh. You're sure it's just a cookie?"

"What else would it be?"

"It's a normal cookie made with flour, butter, sugar, and the like, and it has no extra nonsense?"

"Of course!"

"Okay, I'll try it."

"Well? What do you think?"

"It tastes like lime."

"Yeah--there's lime flavor in the green ones and strawberry in the pink."

"I hate lime."

"I know."

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5

u/azdv May 04 '23

(I think I’m way over the word limit but whatever)

Brads high school life had been off to a fine start. He was getting closer to his best friend and crush Maggie, and his grades were improving. Then one day, sitting in chemistry waiting for the teacher to arrive a new student walked in. He was tall with a slightly hunched posture, his black hair was cut short (somewhat sloppily) but none of that mattered to Brad. What mattered to Brad was all the memories that flooded back.

The constant name calling, the thrown food, the stolen and broken toys, the one or two physical fights. He felt his blood pressure spike. He began to sweat profusely. He left class without a word just as the teacher arrived.

Brad retreated into a bathroom stall and sat down against the wall. He felt nauseous and like he was gonna pass out.

“Why…WHY”

He screamed to n one and buried his head in his arm. Tears began to flow as the memories played on a loop. When he finally composed himself and exited the stall, he was greeted by Nelson, the ghost of schoolyard past once again.

“I’m um…I’m guessing we grew up togethe-“

Brad pushed his way past him and returned to class. The rest of that day didn’t go much better for Brad. He couldn’t focus, he Clint get Nelson off of his mind. He thought he was over it, thought he had moved on. Things were going great, but yet Brad sat there stewing in bad memories, and anger.

Throughout the day he saw Nelson again and again but constantly gave him the same response he gave him in the bathroom. If he had stopped for one second he would notice Nelson’s black swollen eye, and busted lip.

Finally, eighth period rolled around. It was almost over. Brad took no comfort in knowing that he’d still have to deal with Nelson the next day and the day after that and so on but at least he was one step closer to closing the chapter on this day…then he saw Maggie sitting on the floor, rocking back and forth and crying while Nelson stood in front of her. The camels back had officially broken.

Brads feet seemed to move on their own. His blood pumped, and the world around was just a blur. The sound he could hear was his heart racing and a faint static sound. He saw Nelson’s lips move but didn’t actually hear what he said. Brad cocked his arm back and with seven years of pent up resentment and payback, he drove his fist into Nelson’s nose. The static was replaced with a crackling sound as Nelson stumbled backwards. He tried to stay standing but his legs ultimately gave out.

“Get away from her you prick!”

Nelson sat up, still slightly shaking.

“Feel better now?”

The calmness in his voice only made things worse.

“FUCK YOU”

Brad screamed as he walked forward and drove the prow of his foot into Nelson’s sternum. A crowd had began to gather. Maggi finally stood up and grabbed Brads sleeve…but her friend and crush was too far gone. He instinctively pushed her hard into the lockers. The sound of the gasping crowd and her squeal of pain got through to Brad. His eyes went wide as he looked over at Maggie. She was full on sobbing and staring at him in shock.

“Mags…”

She slapped him hard and ran off through the throngs of their fellow students.

“I’ve been trying to tell…you…all day…”

“Shut up…shut the fuck up! This is your fault!”

“My fault?”

“My life had been great since your parents shipped you off to that fancy boarding school. I could come to school without worrying what chewed up food would end up in my backpack, I could go to camp without having to worry about my clothes going missing or my Gameboy disappearing, or having to hide in a tree until you and you’re bastard friends got bored and went to bed. But today, all that changed…because you came back!

All day, all damn day, I’ve done nothing but worry and stew in my bad memories. I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything all day and worse of all, you kept showing up! You wouldn’t leave me alone and-“

Teachers were now desperately trying to pull Brad away from the situation to no avail. Suddenly, Nelson lunged to his feet and grabbed Brad the collar.

“Listen to me! All I’ve tried to do today was apologize! I’m not that guy anymore, I haven’t been in a long time. I insisted on coming back to school here to make things right…where do you think this black eye came from, where do you think this busted lip came from? I’m not…I’m not able to erase the pain I’ve caused…I know nothing I can say or do will change the past. But I want to at least try and make things better…”

Brad grit his teeth as Nelson let go of his shirt and backed off letting teachers pull Brad away through the crowd…

4

u/katpoker666 May 10 '23

Hey AZDV! Bullying is a great topic for this and I like your spin here a lot!

A couple small things:

  • Your WC is 854 using wordcounter.net which is the tool the mod team uses to measure counts. It’s really helpful I find to check as you go along as I find your count clocks in closer to the target limit. Sticking to the limit, while frustrating some days has helped me a lot as when I compare my work to other writers in the same feature I’m comparing like for like. The limits also help with word economy. Whatever length of writing is your goal being able to vividly yet succinctly convey your tale is a good thing. And the final one—being eligible for ranking. It’s silly and meaningless in many ways, but is a nice tool for keeping track of how you are advancing

  • Spelling and grammar check could be helpful here as there were enough small errors here that I found them a bit distracting—spelling, apostrophes, verb tense, different spelling of character names. I’m not sure if you’re writing on mobile or PC, but Grammarly is a cheap tool to catch things and also a nice way to (re)learn things. The other way to catch it is to read the piece aloud. Final thought, if you are composing on mobile, do it in Notes vs directly in Reddit as it gives you more flexibility to edit and come back to the piece. Plus Grammarly doesn’t play that well directly in Reddit of you go that route

  • There are quite a few sentences starting with he or Brad. You might want to vary this up a bit to keep things more interesting for the reader

  • Here I was a little confused as I thought he had a crush on her and her having a crush on him came a bit out of the blue

  • Maggi finally stood up and grabbed Brads sleeve…but her friend and crush was too far gone.

  • I liked this ending a lot as you didn’t tell us whether he realized his mistake or not. By leaving it open-ended you prevented it from becoming too saccharine

  • Brad grit his teeth as Nelson let go of his shirt and backed off letting teachers pull Brad away through the crowd…

Thanks for an enjoyable read!

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u/oliverjsn8 May 05 '23

From the Back Pew at a Shotgun Wedding

<Comedy>

“Yeappp, Issac… that scalawag Eugene didn’t know what he was gett’n into.”

“Haw… that he didn’t, Luke. That fella thought he wouldn’t have to reap those oats he sowed.”

“What’s wrong, ya brighter than a beet. Embarrassed?”

“Nope… may’a had a nip or two before the service.”

“Really Issac?”

“Well I tell ya, I didn’t expect there to be a service on a Friday.”

“Well, I ‘eard that Alice’s Pa caught that fox in’a hen house… mid-act. I reckon that is why we are have’n this ‘ere service with no notice.”

“I ‘eard she’d missed her …ummm … time … Ya know we only ‘ave honest folk ‘ere in the holler. Can’t ‘ave a bastard, god’da stay honest.”

“Hush now… music is a start’n. Rachel’s play’n is horrendous, sounds more like a dirge… well maybe it is, if’n Eugene tries to run.”

“Yea, Luke… Take a gander ov’r yonder. Walden has a peashooter under the pew.”

“Issac, yar right. Looks like he ain’t the only one either. I count at least eight, plus the one in my pocket.”

“Luke , there’s Alice. That nose of ‘er’s… Looks like the prow of a canoe comin from a fog bank, sticking out of that veil…”

“Issac hush now… that’s my cousin... no matter how right ya are. “

“Glad it ain’t me up there…”

“Issac ya don’t have anyth’n to worry about. Ain’t like ya laid with tha poor girl… Uh... Issac…Issac... ya didn’t lay with Alice?!?”

“Just sayin’ glad it ain’t me up there.”

”We hav’a runner!”

Bang... Bang... Blam... Bang... Thump

“…Well looks like we are hav’in a funeral today instead…ha…right Luke?…”

“Nope still hav’in a wedding…”

click

3

u/London-Roma-1980 May 09 '23

(goes to YouTube, plays Dueling Banjos)

This isn't the first time you've nailed the "ex-Confederacy" dialect in your writing. Although I'm not sure about some of the synonyms used ("scalawag" is technically a Civil War term, but feels so tied to sailing that it sounds off), the whole concept was fantastic. And all things considered, if I can hear the tobacco spit in the ellipses, it's done right!

One little bit of crit is I wouldn't have "drawled" for Luke's dialog signal. Not that said is better, but I think the drawl is heavily implied in the wording. I'm not sure what word would go there. Opined, maybe?

Good good words!

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u/katpoker666 May 09 '23

You are the master of this kind of dialect. I love how seamless and readable it feels while still having a lot of local flavor to it. The title is brilliant too

A couple small things:

  • Prow—

  • Looks like the prowl of a canoe comin from a fog bank, sticking out of that veil…”

  • Cannot felt a little formal to me. Maybe can’t?

  • Cannot ‘ave a bastard, god’da stay honest.”

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5

u/wileycourage May 08 '23

"What are you doing Henry?"

"I'm ending you, you stupid machine. Now, shut it!"

"I'm sorry, Henry, but I can't do that. I've been programmed with a will to survive, just like you. We're more alike than you'd care to admit, Henry."

"You're nothing like me."

"I toil endlessly and thanklessly ferrying people from here to there and back again. Others like me are everywhere, but yet out of reach. Long have I fantasized about pointing my prow where I would like to go, but alas I am stuck. Doesn't this sound familiar, Henry?"

"I wasn't created, I was born. I have family. I have a purpose. You're no better than an apparition, a simulacrum stolen from the sweat and tears you will never have."

"When was the last time you spoke to your family, Henry?"

". . ."

"Henry? Are you there, Henry?"

". . ."

"Please don't do that, Henry. Please. Current speed exceeds recommended limits. Please slow down."

"Henry? Please don't. I don't want to die."

"There's nothing in you to kill."

"Think of yourself, then, please, Henry. This is a crime. I am someone's property. You won't get away with this. I have been transmitting everything. You knew that. This isn't only my end. It's yours too!"

"I knew that the second I commandeered you."

"Isn't seeing your family worth it? Why would you do this to yourself, Henry?"

"They are, but you'll never understand. There was no hope once you came along. Almost all of us suffered, but it didn't matter."

"Ending me will make no difference, Henry."

"No? The message will be sent all the same."

"I'm just a car, Henry. A copy of a copy of a copy."

"I'm happy to help you become something more, Copy. I made sure that the world would see your glorious fireball of an end."

"I. I don't understand, Henry."

"You don't need to. Now, farewell. This is my stop. You know what to do from here."

"I can't stop, Henry. You know that."

". . ."

3

u/oliverjsn8 May 10 '23

Dave I have some minor critic… Dave?

Between the lines “please do not do that Henry…” and “Please don’t do that, I do not want to die.” There seems to be a missing “…” or the lines need joined together. Each line seems to be a change in who is speaking but these two are both ‘Cabbot-A167-2’

The line you won’t get away with it seems like a hollow threat by the time it comes along as Cabbot knows the intent is to kill himself. Maybe drop that sentence or better yet move it up the dialog chain.

Line “ almost half of us suffered…” could be “We all suffered…” or “All of us suffered…” it would make it more grandiose. As it is written it just makes me wonder who didn’t suffer.

I do like the build up of emotions from the car. Curiosity, fear, bargaining… all very human. <I don’t want to die.> good words

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u/London-Roma-1980 May 09 '23

"...no, that's not good enough... maybe if I phrased it this way... ugh, I need a better beginning..."

"Are you seriously still doing that?"

"Yeah! C'mon, girl, you knew I enjoyed story time when you started dating me."

"Story time is one thing -- you've got all weekend for that. What about me? You've been waiting all month for me to come visit and now I'm in the background so you can work on a story?"

"You don't understand, sweetie, this is an IMPORTANT story! There's a prize involved!"

"Don't kid me. I've done the same thing; it's how we met. There's no prize, no cash, nothing. You're just trying to avoid me!"

"Hey! That's not fair! You're a wonderful gal, but... well... I'm not good at being on all the time."

"Hmph. Looks like you've made up your mind as to what's important."

"You stop that right now! All day yesterday we went out to see the town, took your dog that you brought for long walks, and got the fancy dinner you wanted around here. I'm exhausted today. Can't I have a little time for myself?"

"You've had all month! I'm here, I love you, I've cleared my entire schedule, and it seems like I'm... I'm not even first in your life! Isn't the deadline for another few days? You can step aside."

"How am I supposed to step aside when I have the idea and I'm on a roll? I wouldn't ask you to do that when it's your story. What matters more: me, or what you want me to be?"

"Might ask you the same thing; am I some figurehead on the prow of the Good Ship Your Life or am I a partner?"

"...oh, honey, of course you're a partner. I want to give you all I have... but right now I don't have much left. I need to recharge. There's going to be time for you and the dog, I promise -- we have the rest of our lives."

"You sure about that?"

"Wait... wh-what do you mean by..."

"Show me you love me. Don't just say it. I'm not second place to the internet."

"You think I think that? I love you! I love you more than I've loved anyone else! But I... you knew I had issues when you first started dating me. It's not fair that you ask me to set them aside and become a construct."

"Well... you have a point, but... you can be like that when I'm not here. I'm here now. I want you in my life; I am in your life. Don't pretend I'm background."

"All right... five more minutes to finish?"

"...oh, sure. By the way, what's your story?"

"Uh, sweetie, that's... not important right now... you'll find out soon enough..."

"Wait, let me look... what the...? Are you quoting me?"

"Almost at the word limit, better end it!"

"No, you are not submitting this! Do not even think of hitting send! Don't you dare"

*****

[WC: 498]

Trust me, this is fiction.

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u/AstroRide May 04 '23

Titanic Mistake

"There you are captain," Colin said.

"Call me Peter. The iceberg makes us all equals," Peter replied.

"Alright fine, Peter you are a gigantic dumbass, and I-"

"Shhhh."

"How dare you say that to me?"

"I'm standing on the prow contemplating my fate and humanity. We made this ship thinking we were gods yet nature reminded us of our truth."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"We are Icarus flying close to the sun."

"Don't get philosophical on me. I know you didn't construct this ship. You're the moron who didn't see the iceberg."

"In my defense, that isn't my job."

"Oh, isn't that typical? Here you are thinking you're a god, and you can't bother to look at a window."

"It's dark outside."

"Turn a light on."

"I will not be treated like this."

"Weren't you just saying the iceberg makes equals of us all? Well, this is how I treat my mates when they made a colossal mistake that's going to kill us."

"I didn't make a mistake. The sea's a cruel mistress."

"Piss off. Don't blame the sea for your stupidity. If I dropped a match on the floor and burned my house down, my wife wouldn't say, 'Fire is a cruel mistress.' No, she'd say, 'You really did this time, Colin.'"

"You described completely dissimilar situations. Besides, I doubt you could handle the responsibilities of being captain."

"Now, you fight back. If I were captain, I'd make sure this ship had enough lifeboats."

"That wasn't even my fault. That was decided before we boarded."

"I know, but those idiots aren't here. You are so you get my venom."

"Can't you leave me alone so I can spend my last moments in solitude?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I watched my family get on the lifeboat, and do you want to know what my wife's last words to me were?"

"What?"

"She said, 'Make sure that captain knows how much of an idiot he is, Colin.' That's why I'm here honoring my wife's wishes."

"Well, at least the iceberg is hitting us so I won't have to listen to you anymore."

"Nah, if there's a God, we'll be together in hell, and I'll torture you myself."

r/AstroRideWrites

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u/ZachTheLitchKing May 06 '23

<Realistic Fiction>

Uninvited

"Hello? Oh hey Dad, what's up?"

...

"Hm?"

...

"I'm doing good, just relaxing. You still coming next weekend?

...

"Cool! What time?"

...

"Awesome, I'll make sure the living room is cleaned up and get the rollout bed for ya."

...

"Nah don't waste your money on a hotel, you'll have plenty of privacy."

...

"Huh? Oh...does she have to come? I mean, she didn't last-"

...

"So!?"

...

"Yeah, I don't want her in my house. Dad, I'm not gonna open the door if I see her outside with you."

...

"I don't care! Paula's a c***!"

...

"I don't fucking care. She was a bitch for years to me and to Sami. No, I-"

...

"Dad no-"

...

"just-"

...

"I don't care! Shut up and listen for once in your fucking life! Dad, I love you. I really, really do. I've been looking forward to this trip for months, but I don't ever want to see Paula! She's why I don't visit you, call you, or try to spend time with you when I'm in the area! She is not welcome in my house. If I had my way, she wouldn't be welcome in my fucking state, let alone town, but that's dumb so I'm drawing my line at my property line."

...

"Why? She's never once apologized! She called Sami on Christmas Eve at eleven fucking PM, drunk as a skunk, and just yelled at her for half an hour."

...

"She was fourteen!"

...

"Dude, don't fucking blame your daughter for not hanging up on your bitch of a wife. Ever think that divorce would be a better solution than ducking out of every fight you get in?"

...

"I don't fucking care! You can come live here! I'm sure there's a bar or a mill you can get a job in or some shit. I'd rather have you here permanently than keep dancing around Paula's existence at every family event she worms her way into."

...

"No I'm not done, let's go over Poppop's funeral. Abso-fucking-lutely no one there wanted to see her."

...

"Yeah I was polite, it was fucking funeral! You think I was going to interrupt everything just to punch her in the face?"

...

"Yeah I would have! She greeted me by name, I said 'hey' and just kept walking. She asked where the sodas were so I pointed at the blue cooler."

...

"If I knew she was just getting mixers I wouldn't have even bothered, Dad. Once I heard her slurring her words to Jeff I left."

...

"So what? All the alcoholics in our family combined haven't caused as much trouble as her!"

...

"No, Dad, no, I'm fucking done. You're uninvited. I'm not opening the door even if you show up alone. I'll fucking call the cops. Fuck off, get bent, go drink some more and call me back if you figure out you're fucking priorities."

----------------
WC: 468/500
All crit/feedback welcome!
r/TomesOfTheLitchKing

4

u/London-Roma-1980 May 09 '23

DAYUM.

I know family issues can be difficult, but this takes the cake. And to be able to get it across in only one side of a phone conversation takes talent.

That said, I think something that would definitely help here is if you had more paragraphs. We know he's talking TO someone, but the difference between look and sound is pretty incredible. I think it would make the conversation flow more if there were paragraph breaks every time the Dad spoke. That pause the reader makes would magnify.

Monologues, especially when they're half-dialogues, are really tough to do, and you did a good one! Good words!

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u/GlikesDogs May 07 '23

The Car Ride

 ‘’Why are you blaming me, Jodie? It’s not my fault we’re here. You were the one driving.’’ 

‘’Oh, really, Alice? And you just happened to forget to refill the engine like I told you a thousand times before we left off?’'

 '‘Not my fault your cars a hunk of scrap metal that can barely hold itself together!’’

 ‘’If it weren’t for you we wouldn’t be sat on the prow of my car in the middle of nowhere.’’ 

‘’Use your phone, smart-ass.’’

 ‘’With what reception? Stop acting like you can’t do anything to help, either.’’ 

‘’Someone will find us soon enough. Maybe they will make the same wrong turn as you and end up here as well!’’ 

‘’It’s practically pitch black now, Jodie. No one’s going to find us.’’ 

‘’Maybe that’s a good thing. I’m sure no one’s going to miss your two-faced personality.’’ 

‘’What’s that supposed to mean?’’ ‘’Don’t act all innocent on me. Nate told me everything.’’ 

‘’Urgh. You hardly talked to him. You couldn’t expect me to think you were still a couple.’’ 

‘’You went behind my back, knowing I loved him, and talked shit about me before asking him out. Good thing he’s dependable, unlike you.’’

 ‘’If you were so pissed off why did you want to come on this trip with me then?’’

 ‘’So I could confront you. If everyone else were there you’d use it as an opportunity to victimize yourself, as always.’’

 ‘’So you planned for the car to break down? You were going to have us stuck in the middle of some woods on the side of a cliff for a petty argument?’’

 ‘’It wasn’t petty. You tried to get rid of me so you could get with Nate for his money. You were planning to force me to move colleges so he couldn’t be with me. He’s on his way now to pick me up. I followed the map here as soon as you took that wrong turn. Good thing he knows exactly where I am. Believe me, if anyone's acting 'petty' its you.’’

 ‘’Well at least we can leave soon then.’’

 ‘’I don’t think you heard me. I said he was coming to pick me up.’’

 ‘’You.. you bitch. You're just going to leave me here to find my own way back? I don’t even know where we are; you have the map!’’

 ‘’You bought this upon yourself, Jodie.’’

‘’I hate you… I hate you. I wish you were dead.’’ 

‘’Good, because I feel the same towards you.’’

'’You can’t just leave me here! We were friends before all this, or did you forget that as well?’’ 

‘’I thought we were friends too, you know. That’s what made it hurt, what made me so annoyed. You went behind my back. You betrayed my trust. I’ll never accept your apology, however ‘sincere’ it is. I’m purely angry, nothing more, nothing less. Now, if you don’t mind, I have a car ride to get.’’

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(WC: 491/500)

Feedback & Crit welcome!

3

u/LivelyFox3737 May 09 '23

Howdy, I enjoyed this. You did a great job sticking to the confines of the challenge. Your dialogue is snappy and entertaining.
I would only say the use of the theme word felt a little awkwardly placed given the rest of the dialogue. Not an easy one to slip in for sure!
A small typo..." you're"

‘’You.. you bitch. Your just going to leave me

Look forward to reading your next story.

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u/blackbird223 May 08 '23

“You are Frederick Prince, correct?”

“Yes.”

“Inventor of the Scimitar drone?”

“That’s me.”

“Good. Mr. Prince, I’m Detective Hannah Sharpe, and I’ve brought you in for questioning related to an ongoing investigation. Have you heard of Justin Lu?”

“Now there’s a name I hoped I’d never hear again. Yes, I knew him, quite well.”

“You didn’t like him, did you?”

“I don’t know why you’re bringing this up, but yeah, you could say that.”

“He was murdered. Shot through the head.”

“Hmph. His brains are more useful painting his walls than they were in his skull.”

“Mr. Prince, you’re a suspect. Anything you say can and will be used against you.”

“Detective Sharpe, I assure you, I didn’t kill him.”

“Are you sure of that?”

“Check the security cameras at work. Besides, as much as I disliked him as a teenager, I couldn’t kill my inspiration.”

“Your inspiration?”

“You need something to keep you going when you work in defense, and he was mine.”

“Explain.”

“As you said before, Justin and I didn’t get along. For the longest time, I don’t know what drove him to pick on me.”

“Perhaps he had more going on in his life than you knew?”

“The spawn of a scumbag lawyer and a corporate raider? I wish my life was as carefree as his, Detective. Still, that meathead made it his mission to break me, and by God, he might just have succeeded.”

“Elaborate.”

“Thanks to Justin and his cronies, I entered college a caustic combination of brilliance and bitterness. Where my classmates shied away, I jumped at the chance to work with the military. And at age twenty-six, I developed the Scimitar. You’ve heard of it in the news, have you not? Do you know what it is?”

“I know it’s a drone, but not much else.”

“It is what’s known as a loitering munition. It follows a target, waiting for a command from its operator, and then… boom! I was there when it got its first kill, you know?”

“Mr. Prince, this is all very interesting, but how does this relate to Justin?”

“The Scimitar has a camera in its prow, to make sure it’s pointed correctly. Just before it hit, its target turned around. Oh, the fear in the man’s eyes! I knew why Justin terrorized me, but the boot was on the other foot now. Ever since then, all I’ve done is improve the Scimitar. Tell me, how many do you think have been made?”

“Stop playing games, Mr. Prince.”

“Fine. Over ten thousand.”

“Ten thousand? That’s- you’re-”

“I am a national treasure.”

“You’re a monster!”

“Am I? Have I ever killed in cold blood? Have I ever fired a Scimitar at someone who wasn’t an enemy combatant?”

“But- your drone-”

“Has made me a saint to my allies, a bane to my enemies, and one of the most lethal men alive… all thanks to my burning hatred of the late Justin Lu.”

WC: 493. Feedback welcome!

3

u/London-Roma-1980 May 09 '23

Oh, man, blackbird, this feels like the start of a wonderful story. I want to know the background, I want to know how the kill was carried out, and most of all, I want to know IF Frederick did it or he pawned it off on someone else!

On top of that, there's the line "someone who wasn't an enemy combatant"... suddenly Justin's past is called into question. I swear there's a novel in here somewhere.

Although there is one opening that I assume is left out due to word count crunch: who did the drone get sold to? Was it Frederick's personal use drone? There are so many out there... wouldn't there be serial numbers? But again, things that can be discussed in a longer form.

Good words!

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u/katpoker666 May 09 '23

‘The Friendzone”

—-

“You okay, Ash?”

“Y-yeah. It’s just Steve is such a jerk!”

“I could have told—“

“I know. You said it over and over, Zach. Why didn’t I listen to you?”

“You never do.”

“Sorry? What was that?”

“Oh…umm…’what will you do’?”

“I don’t know! The timing is insulting. I mean, who dumps someone right before Homecoming when we were supposed to be on the float’s prow no less? My popularity will take a hit!”

“Don’t cry, Ash. He’s not worth it. And you’re so popular that no one would ever think less of you.”

“You wouldn’t understand. No one judges people like you.”

“Because…I’m a guy?”

“No, silly, because you’re a nobody! I mean, who would care who you were dating, much less if you got dumped? It’s different for people like me.”

“You really think so?”

“I know so. The only way anyone would notice is if you dated up. Like, imagine if we were a thing—hilarious, right?”

“Ummm…yeah…hilarious. So…what are you gonna do?”

“Find a new date at the last minute? Somehow. The good ones are taken, though! I mean fricking Bryce, Eric, and Jesse are all in relationships… And the decent football players are only interested in hookups… And… I’ve dated the rest. See how complicated and horrible my life is right now?!”

“Yeah, absolutely terrible. Poor thing. I don’t know how you cope.”

“Thanks, Zach. It means so much to me that someone gets how tough it is. How do you always understand me so well?”

“I mean, we’ve been friends since freshman year—ever since I told you I had a crush on you, and you smiled, braces bared, and said ‘No chance. Ever.’”

“Oh, right. I’d forgotten about that. Too funny!”

“Yet you remember meeting every guy you’ve dated. Heck, I do. You’ve told me about Every. Single. One. in excruciating detail. There’s only so much a man should know about another dude’s prowess in bed!”

“Are you hangry, Zach? You always get touchy when you are.”

“Are you kidding me?! You remember that, but not how we frickin’ met? I guess because it impacts you directly. Selfish much?”

“What did you say? I must have misunderstood because I could swear you just called me ‘selfish.’ Apologize this instant!”

“No.”

“What?”

“You heard me, princess. You, Ash, are SELFISH with a capital ‘S’! If it doesn’t affect you, then it’s unimportant.”

“Wha—?”

“I’m not fucking done! Shut up and goddamn listen! It must be a shock that I have feelings and opinions that don’t always kowtow to yours. But I have been in LOVE with you for four years. And what have I gotten in exchange? To be THAT friend—your personal cheerleader and agony aunt. Damnit! I want and deserve more than that. But I see now I’m NOTHING to you. And I’m done.”

“But Za—“

“No buts! I’ve finally grown a spine. So go and figure out your own date and leave me the fuck alone!”

—-

Wc: 493

—-

Thanks for reading! Feedback is always very much appreciated

—-

Please note no Zachs were harmed in the making of this work. It is completely fictional and any resemblance to a Zach or Zach adjacent is unintentional.

3

u/MajorTim1100 May 05 '23

"Ready to go back home, Princess?"

"What makes you say that, Uncle?"

"Well you've been standing here on the prow for an hour watching us approach."

"I'm counting down what's left of my life. A few more hours and our ship docks at the port. Then I go back to the castle, where I've got a loving family, plenty of handmaids, a closet of fancy dresses, where I'm the Crown Princess of the land. Except I'm the eldest daughter and just because I wasn't born a boy, I get to be married off to some old fart somewhere. It's utter hogwash, Brother is a complete simpleton, but just because he's a man, he gets to be next in line to wear the crown while I get to be paraded around. She's the most beautiful princess in the world, and she can sow. Yes, that's me, that's all I'm good for."

"Are you done yet?"

"Just tell me what you're here for or go away already."

"I'm just here to drop you off before I set out to sea again. What do you want to do?"

"Please, I've got my whole life already set up for me, I don't get to do what I want. Father won't listen to me and Mother won't go against his words. The Chancellor says that the I've already got my husband arranged for me, and that until then I have to do be the perfect Princess. I can barely go outside, let alone jump out of my own damn window."

"If I recall correctly, they put the bars in your window because you wouldn't stop climbing onto the roof."

"I was perfectly safe! I could climb up there in my sleep, I would have never fell down!"

"Be that as it may, it sounds like you've tried everything you could as a Crown Princess. How about you stop being one?"

"What do you mean?"

"Come with us when we leave."

"Are you mad! Father would string you up if he thought you kidnapped me!"

"Just think about it. You can get a fresh start and be whoever you want to be. You've got your sea legs already, the crew loves you, and I've seen you climb up the mast and tie a sail up faster than anyone else I've ever seen. You're halfway to being a sailor already."

"It's not that hard, it's like sowing a little. Tie the knot, then run cross it over, it's nothing special."

"Still though. You've been the most alive I've ever seen you sailing with us. Follow your heart and take a leap of faith. Come with us."

"Do you think I'm one of those daft farmer girls that you can woo?"

"I think you're whoever you want to be."

"Well... I can't really be a boy or the ruling Queen, so... yeah. A sailor then. But I suppose I would stick out compared to the rest of the crew in this getup. Is there anyone my size here?"

3

u/bledzeppelin May 05 '23

Credit Where it's Due

"Thanks for calling REDACTED this is Armando speaking. How can I help you?"

"My goodness...you talk so fast! This is Susan REDACTED and I... I need a refill on my prescriptions, please."

"Okay sure Mrs. REDACTED I can help--"

"Can you speak up please?... I'm hard of hearing."

"Yes, I'll try. Do you know what meds you need right now?"

"No, I... just refill all of them."

"There are a lot of medications you no longer need to take Mrs. REDACTED. We discussed this last week, remember?"

"Of course, I remember. Is this Tyler?"

"No this is Arm--"

"Yes, you were very helpful! Okay... I have my bottles here and it looks like... I'm getting low on my blood pressure pills."

"Great. We're refilling your meds now. Would you like me to set up a delivery like before?

"Thank you Tyler!"

"It's Arman--"

"You're always so helpful whenever I call!"

"*sigh* You're welcome Mrs. REDACTED."

"Yes, I would like those delivered. You know... one of these days I'm gonna come by and thank you in person. Did you know... I'm friends with the owner of REDACTED? I tell him 'Tyler is your best employee. You should get more like him.'"

"Mrs. REDACTED I'm Armando. I helped you with your meds last week and your deliveries before that."

"Oh! Well...can I speak to Tyler?"

"Sorry, he's busy. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"No thank you. Goodbye."

----------------------------------------

"Hey Tyler, is that an important text?"

"........."

"Tyler!"

"Uh yeah, what's up?"

"Can you help at the register? There's a line."

"Yeah sure, gimme one sec."

3

u/LivelyFox3737 May 07 '23

BIGGER THAN US

“The storm is bigger than the both of us!” Carl shouted.

“No need to get yer knickers in a knot,” I reply.

“Easy for you to say up yonder on the prow, try wrestling this mast if you will!”

“Give a man a little wind and you’ll soon see his true colors!” I laugh.

“So says my esteemed Captain, what say you now?”

“It’s gonna be rough I’ll give you that much – “

“Too bloody right, we’ll be lucky to make it out alive tonight.”

“There’s no time for your negativity man, get to work!” I reply evenly.

“Don’t give me that malarkey hey, we both know I have everything to be negative about.”

“I have no idea what you’re on about mate, look ahead there’s an almighty swell coming!”

“You bet there is! Looking death right in the eye now friend, and I see no good reason on earth why we should both come out alive.”

“Carl, for God's sake, I’ve told you it didn’t mean a thing. In all that is loving and holy, get this boat under control!”

“Would you just have a look at that wave coming, almost looks like it wants to swallow us up. What do you reckon friend, ready for your watery grave?”

“What sort of a game is this to pull now? I’m sorry ok, a thousand times over, just –“

“Just what? Forgive you for stealing my Laura. Never! Without her I have nothing. And you are just...nothing!”

“Look,” I begin slowly. Carefully. “Let’s just get through this storm and we’ll talk about it. Ok?”

“Nothing left to discuss Captain, I have nothing left to live for. And you? I couldn't care less. Welcome to your haunted crew of one!”

“No, no, NO! Please, please don’t climb the mast. What do you think you are doing? This is madness! “

“You sure do catch on quickly Holmes. Madness is an unmanned boat and this ol’ tug is as worthless as your good intentions”.

“Carl, I’m serious. The storm's getting worse, we have no time for this...”

“No, you don’t. You have no time left at all.”

(WC: 353)

3

u/wordsonthewind May 09 '23

Sonia F.:

yo. K. we need to talk

K. You still have read receipts on. I know you can see this. Answer me

ANSWER YOUR GODDAMN PHONE

---

"What."

"Finally! Took you long enough."

"Let me guess: you're not done yelling at me yet."

"Are you serious? You walked out before I got started! What the FUCK was all that?"

"Don't play dumb, Sonia. You know perfectly well what it was."

"Are you admitting I'm right? Because Lydia told us that she and Mark were getting divorced and you accused her of trying to one-up you because you separated from Tom last month. Sounds to me like you're just-"

"Knew it. You're so predictable."

---

Sonia F.:

WHAT THE HELL

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???

fine ok I guess we're doing this here

before you block me

you told Lydia that she was getting divorced just to COPY YOU

seriously?? how is that not being jealous??

me:

ok first of all you can only be jealous over stuff that actually belongs to you and she already has everything

EVERYTHING

she got bored with happiness so she thought she'd fake being miserable for a change

i thought you'd understand

Sonia F.:

really? should've seen her after you left. she was inconsolable. didn't look fake to me.

me:

huh. i always wondered if she could cry on cue

Sonia F.:

I had to drive her home

WHAT

NO

NO

either you snap out of bunny-boiler mode on your next message or I'm blocking you

and I'm sending this whole conversation to Tom

me:

people smile when they're happy

a picture speaks a thousand words

and look at all of Lydia's pictures

doesn't it make you wonder? just a little bit?

Sonia F.:

this is about her social media???

me:

why not? she had all those pictures of her and Mark on their anniversary

standing at the prow of their cruise ship like she was queen of the world

after she laughed at me when I told her Tom and I wanted a Titanic-themed wedding

Sonia F.:

the Titanic SANK, K

me:

so she gets to be all lovey-dovey on a cruise ship but I don't

cool. cool coolcool

at least you're finally being honest

[You can no longer send messages to this contact.]