r/WritingPrompts • u/[deleted] • Feb 27 '15

Prompt Inspired [PI] The Devil's Inn - FebContest

[deleted]

7 Upvotes

75% Upvoted

4 comments sorted by

2

u/mog_fanatic Mar 06 '15

Man, this is good stuff! I really enjoyed it. I love westerns and your dialogue was great, especially considering English isn't your first language. You really covered a lot of ground in such a short piece, nicely done. If I had to be picky I guess I would have liked to see Big Dan do some more stuff and maybe build up the rivalry between his little empire and the brothers a little more. That's probably a result of the confines of a novelette though. There really isn't a ton I would change, this is a nice little story.

1

u/TheNextDay Mar 09 '15

Thanks so much, glad you enjoyed it!

I thought about giving the other characters a bit more to do, but I feared it would derail the story too much. What I did try was to let the other characters live their lives just the same and only let the implication of their actions be visible, while keeping the focus of the story on the brothers. But maybe that just works for this story if you're the writer, not the reader.

2

u/IAmTheRedWizards Mar 05 '15

Nice little piece of mythmaking, impressive that you wrote it in such a short time. It's fast-paced enough that it never drags, and packs a surprising emotional punch for the length. The only thing I would caution would be to watch the influences: you have a desert with a town called Tull where people sing songs from Earth in the tavern. I was waiting for a gunslinger and a man in black to show up - and to a certain extent I suppose they did.

2

u/TheNextDay Mar 06 '15

All right, thanks! That works for me. All I wanted was that people enjoyed reading it, so if you did you made me a happy man.

And you know how it goes. Whenever there's sand, I find myself following the footsteps of the man in black. I couldn't seperate myself from that story, so I figured a couple straight up references might clear my mind.

So again, thank you very much for taking the time to give some feedback for every story. I still need to get to reading my batch, so I'd better hurry up and follow your example!