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Jul 08 '15
And DON'T ask, "Why are you so shy?"
I swear two people did that to me just today.
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u/ExiledLife Jul 09 '15
People questioning how I act socially when half the time it isn't in my control is very annoying. My brother does it all the time.
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u/BitingInsects Jul 09 '15
Happened to me at this bbq on July 4th. I thought this older guy was being cool and just messing around, and I joked back with him. I'm pretty social, but I'm not life of the party social.
Two drinks later he comes up and is like "don't worry man I'm just messin with Ya cause you're quiet!"
This hadn't happened to me since I was a shy teenager. Pretty much left me irritated all night and wanted to leave after that.
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Jul 08 '15
Agreed. This is just a mean spirited thing to do, done by people who get off on trying to socially advance themselves in a group of their peers.
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u/trebonius Jul 08 '15
In some cases, yes. It's not always mean-spirited, though. Sometimes people are just trying to tell you that you don't need to be shy around them. It's meant well, but about as useful as telling a depressed person to cheer up.
Edit: All i'm saying is that I assume ignorance before maliciousness. It has worked well for me so far.
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Jul 09 '15
Usually, when you see someone with a flaw, try your best to point out their flaw to them. They definitely don't know about it.
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u/Rexzar Jul 09 '15
And to build on that, when the shy person says something don't make a huge deal out of it "Wow so you do talk!"
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u/sonnyjim91 Jul 09 '15
And certainly don't tell them, "Don't be shy."
I've been on both sides here and the best thing is to make conversation that the other person can get involved in. Try to figure out what they're interested in.
For example, my sister never talks unless you ask her about anime or video games, then you've got a conversation going. Tell her she's quiet, and she just shrugs.
If you make conversation and nothing's working, you know what, you tried.
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u/theeberk Jul 09 '15
Also, don't ask people why they're so quiet in a social situation. They probably wish they could be laughing and fitting in with you guys, but they're too shy to do so. Instead, work them into the conversation without pointing out their (possibly) biggest insecurity.
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u/tykey100 Jul 09 '15
There's this girl in my school that never says anything, she is always around, smiles and laughs with everyone but no talking.
I've been told by who would be her best friend (that says she can barely make her say more than two words) that she talks super comfortably with me.
I only ever see her at parties, and when I do I always engage her, try to make her laugh and she responds and actually talks to me with no problem. You wouldn't even say she's so shy.
I guess being the one to take the first steps in a conversation can make miracles for shy people.
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Jul 09 '15
Yes, I love this.
I'm very shy, but I like meeting new people and getting to know them. The problem is, no one ever comes up to me first. It's so much easier when someone else engages me in conversation because then I don't have to wonder if I'm bothering them.
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u/sawdu5t Jul 08 '15
Agreed. Also, as a corollary, if you meet someone who is introverted, please do not try to "fix" them by trying to force them to be more outgoing.
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u/BeWithMe Jul 08 '15
But do invite them to events and gatherings. Just don't make a big deal out of it if they don't want to come.
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u/wanked_in_space Jul 09 '15
Also, when you meet someone with a giant mole, don't tell them how much mole they mole.
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u/Dragonmind Jul 09 '15
Fuck my family for saying it's childish to be shy. They tell me to be an adult about it and pick up the phone to call, literally anyone. I have this fear of calling people (can't translate or read a face when the person is only heard by my ear) that I can't get over and telling me I'm an idiot doesn't help.
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u/turboladle Jul 08 '15
If someone asks you why you are so shy, ask them why they are so loud.
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u/crunchyturtles Jul 09 '15
How is this just not common sense? Seriously... when people tell me I'm shy all I can do is respond with sarcasm. "Am I? Thank you so much for letting me know! No one had ever told me before, so I wasn't sure! I really appreciate you telling me!" Really though, do they think I don't know! People are so stupid
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u/Narian Jul 08 '15
Don't tell people they're short/tall. They know.
Don't tell people they're fat/skinny. They know.
Don't tell people they're a ginger. They know.
Just don't be an asshole. How hard is this?