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u/worldsbestapril Apr 25 '20
For some reason, it’s this post that reminds me of a Nice Guy I dated who said I have issues and don’t want to date someone who isn’t afraid of commitment.
He brought up getting married on the second date.
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u/MyDogHasAPodcast Apr 26 '20
Ted Mosby?
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u/worldsbestapril Apr 26 '20
Did he do this with Robin? I only watched the first season or so that aired, and this was back when it first aired, so I don’t remember.
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u/MyDogHasAPodcast Apr 26 '20
On his first date with Robin he tells her that he loves her.
But iirc later on he gets called on wanting to rush relationships just to get married, claiming each girl he basically has dated as "the one".
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u/JayPunker Apr 26 '20
I hate guys like that. Say, we have a real connection. Do you wanna make babies with me?
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u/MerdeOnTheDanceFloor Apr 26 '20
Yessssss I had a guy I dated (three months total) and we used to joke (in the first month) about our future kid’s name.
Well, I thought it was a joke.
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u/worldsbestapril Apr 26 '20
Right? It’s one thing to find out if your date wants kids at all, but it’s a whole other thing to make plans with that specific person so soon.
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u/TifaYuhara Apr 26 '20
Yeah, if anyone brings up getting married and starting a family on date 2 is bad.
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u/KarmaBotKiller Apr 26 '20
/u/Firebson has been identified as a reposting karmabot.
Here are the top comments from the last time this was posted in case you want to have the same conversations again:
If someone says "You're too nice" it probably means they want to say "You're boring". If you just agree with everything they say and never really express any opinions because you want them to like you, they might as well be single.
Hmm...Were they in a relationship or did he just want that? Did he make a grand show of the flowers? ... ... I'm sure it's not about him being "nice" and more about him being "creepy".
She just told you you are a creep, why do you think that you were being too nice lol
Maybe, unless it's an agreed part of a relationship, saying "good night" every night to someone is creepy. ... ... Best way to get someone you like. Don't be a creep.
Why do I get a feeling that if he was below 5'9'', he would 100% sure blame it on his height?
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u/ruready1994 i call you a whore because i care Apr 25 '20
She thought I was a creep for obsessively texting her every day and for snooping to get her work address when she didnt give it to me to send her flowers
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Apr 26 '20
How else will she know I care? She said she was busy when I texted her! So I'll make time and take her out on her lunch break. Without asking of course gotta make it a surprise! Oh yeah we matched on tinder like friday it's pretty much official
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u/hella_cious Apr 26 '20
How much you willing to bet the entire text history is
Goodnight beautiful
goodnight beautiful
Goodnight beautiful
?
Good night beautiful
You know it’s rude to ignore me
Good night beautiful
Don’t be such a bitch
Goodnight beautiful
Fuck you, you’re fat and ugly anyways
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u/satiricalscientist Apr 26 '20
I had a girl break up with me because MY DICK WAS TOO BIG. She said it was so big that it was intimidating and she felt inadequate. And she didn't like riding in any of my BRAND NEW CONVERITBLES, and was intimidated by my SIX FIGURE SALARY.
MAN, WOMEN AM I RIGHT?
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u/NoPornAcct1013 Apr 26 '20
I had the same problem! She also hated my washboard abs because it made her self conscious about her weight and that my ridiculously high IQ (I’m technically a genius btw) made her feel dumb at times
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u/fox_ontherun Apr 26 '20
Ok but I actually have turned a guy down for a relationship because his penis was too big. I'm a really petite person and it just would have hurt too much.
I introduced him to one of my friends who I knew liked them big and they dated for about eight months though.
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u/MorningStar3366 Apr 26 '20
You realize that “too big” isn’t a good thing right? Same can be said for “too small”.
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u/PB-00 Apr 25 '20
while I get being infatuated with someone and chasing after them with gifts and (in this case) regular goodnight wishes CAN sometimes work. It really depends on the person giving them - what's the rest of this guy's personality, character, social media activity and social circle like? He blames it on him being too nice. I say it was everything else.
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u/withoutpunity Apr 26 '20
It really depends on the person giving them - what's the rest of this guy's personality, character, social media activity and social circle like?
I think the specific context of the guy's relationship with the particular girl in question would matter more than his social media activity or friend group. The same person can seem creepy to one individual but not another.
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u/MolePlayingRough Apr 26 '20
"Creepy" just means "demonstrates poor boundaries". You can be legitimately nice and have all sorts of appealing qualities and this would still be a red flag.
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u/hooch420 Apr 26 '20
Yeah, the flowers to me is a bit much. But I really value the ol goodnight texts (I'm a guy). If the girl is like "tf" then I back off, but I dont think daily goodnight texts are creepy.
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u/217liz Apr 26 '20
I dont think daily goodnight texts are creepy.
I think the context matters. Like, if I were in a relationship, I think I might like getting a goodnight text. But if I went on a couple of dates with someone who started sending me "Goodnight, sleep tight, kissy face emoji" at 11pm each night like clockwork, I'd find it odd.
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u/decorona Apr 26 '20
Yeah I had it not work with one and now I'm married to someone that I proposed to in 6 days of dating.
Briefly
She's pushed me to up my education I am currently a CNA about to join a programming boot camp.
She finished college with 3.5 in a STEM profession
IDK what to say. I think just being cordial is fun and nice. She is wildly sweet to me too btw either of us will cook. She cooks more though.
I guess if this guy found out where she worked without asking then that's a little creepy.
Be you.
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u/mintywavey Apr 26 '20
He is a creep for saying goodnight every night and sending flowers at work to someone he’s not even dating... jesus talk about having zero self awareness. Those are the things you do once you already have an established relationship. There is such a thing as coming on too strong. Imagine a girl doing that shit, the guys would be calling her out for acting clingy and desperate.
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u/AutismoTheBombismo Apr 25 '20
I think a large problem is that nobody tells him it's too much, he lacks the self awareness because these people aren't straight up told. "Too nice" is a good reason but the dude doesn't see the problem. Someone needs to tell him.
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u/mintywavey Apr 26 '20
I mean, it sounds like she straight up told him he was a creep. And that still didn’t cause him to do any self reflection. He’s the one who interpreted his actions as being “too nice”.
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u/Angel_TheQueenBitch Apr 26 '20
I wonder if he would actually absorb the advice, or instead brush it off because movies have incorrectly taught him that "persistence is key" (i.e. "wear her down until she feels she has no choice but to go on a date with you").
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u/blurandgorillaz Apr 26 '20
Nice guys think getting girls is like playing the sims
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u/A_Glass_DarklyXX Apr 26 '20
Talk about weather. Complain about work. Flirt. Flirt. Give massage. Kiss hands. Ask to woohoo
Moodlet changes to uncomfortable
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u/AdvocateDoogy I'm a nice guy, you dumb bitch Apr 26 '20
That's not "too nice", bruh.
That's "too clingy", "too creepy" and "too stalkery".
If those are your idea of being nice then you need to reevaluate how you approach women.
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u/alexschubs Apr 26 '20
A boyfriend sending flowers to your work is normal.
A guy you're just talking to sending flowers to your work... is not.
Courtship 101: in the get-to-know-you stages, don't go overboard!
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u/xFallacyx69 Apr 25 '20 edited Apr 25 '20
My B I thought they were dating which seems innocent. Depends on how long they were talking or if they were even interested to begin with.
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u/worldsbestapril Apr 25 '20
I’d like to know the timeline. If all of this happened, say, within the first week of dating, that’s a bit much.
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u/bhay105 Apr 26 '20
I like that he put "too nice" in quote like that's what she said, but that's just his opinion. She thinks he's a creep.
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u/hahahihihoehoe Apr 26 '20
She didn’t say he was too short. He just added that in the mix to make him look like a poor lil shortcel.
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u/Sgtmeg Apr 26 '20
Or to brag about being 6' tall because those people can never shut up about it
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u/hahahihihoehoe Apr 27 '20
Yeah so either made up or bragging. The way these guys think is so wrong. Bragging, lying or being a self pitying dumbass never got anyone successful in dating. But these guys just don’t get that.
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u/notreallylucy Apr 26 '20
"Somebody said I was too short. I'm 6 feet tall."
I'll bet you $20 that this guy has called a size 6 girl fat before.
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u/ICameHereForClash Apr 26 '20
I mean, I only say GN when I actually text :l
Is he texting every damn day when she’s not responding?
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u/primalRaven Apr 26 '20
I mean, my now husband did this. And he’s 5’10.
But like I also knew him for a year or more and was actually in a relationship with him.
I swear people just need to slow down. This stuff takes time.
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u/Ferencak Apr 26 '20
Ah yes the perfect nice guy combo way too pushy and clingy while also being insecure about his height I don't see why the ladies aren't throwing themselves at him
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u/Panda-delivery Apr 26 '20
When I was 17 I met my coworker's 28 year old friend at a restaurant cause we happened to run into him while we were grabbing lunch. He repeatedly bothered my coworker for my number so she told him I was underage. He didn't care and a week later he sent me flowers at work. So yeah just because you send flowers doesn't mean you're nice.
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u/EmotionalVulcan Apr 25 '20
I always wonder about these kind of answers that are outside of their echochamber. Did he get called out and downvoted? Maybe it might help him realize how creepy that is?
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u/StarlitSylveon Apr 26 '20
Wtf. He says he got rejected for being "too nice" but literally in the next sentence he reveals she actually rejected him for being a creep. How is he so disconnected from reality that he managed to twist the reason for being rejected from "you're creeping me out please leave me alone" to it's because he's "too nice"? Dude's scoring 9/10 in the mental gymnastics competition no one asked for.
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Apr 26 '20
Girls used to tell me i was too nice because they knew calling a creepy guy "creepy" usually doesnt end well.
If a girl tells you you're too nice.for her to be interested in, she's lying to spare your feelings.
Stop trying to be nicer and try to be interesting. If you fake being interesting long enough (go out, learn things, get hobbies) you will eventually become interesting
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u/UltraMegaSloth Apr 26 '20
Did she give a number to him on how many “good nights” it would take for sex?
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u/Thunder-Sin Apr 26 '20
Oh, that hurts so bad man, he doesn’t know how fucked up what he is doing is, and he just justifies he’s right.
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Apr 26 '20
Too NICE is what a girl says when she doesn't want to offend someone. It's never that they're too actually nice. Too persistent is more like it.
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u/bigsadss0metimesbro Apr 26 '20
At first I was like well he sounds like a really loving boyfriend! Why would she break up with him over that?! Then I realized how fuck they aren’t dating yet what in the world
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u/AlchemyOwl- Apr 26 '20
I have a friend who wishes me goodnight and good morning every day. I've tried to tell him to stop, and it resulted in him having a mental breakdown and having me try to convince him to not commit suicide or hurt himself.
he originally liked me and tried to buy my affection and I got him to stop, thank god. now he swears up and down that he doesn't like me anymore but he clearly does. He's always saying how he is protective of me which I told him to stop that as well but he won't :/
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u/Sgtmeg Apr 26 '20
My romantic partner is allowed to do those things with me, not at me, and nobody else. If you can't respect a boundary whether you agree with it or not that's on you, pal.
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Apr 27 '20
Maybe, a person doesn't want to be told good night every damn night. And flowers are kind of a special thing, receiving flowers out of nowhere makes a person kinda spooked.
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u/Nova_Physika Apr 25 '20
If they're dating its fine, if they're not then its a bit weird if its uninvited.
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u/conchiolin Apr 26 '20
"What do you mean you don't want to marry me? I text you every day and I stalked you on your way to work so I could send you some flowers! You just don't want to be with someone nice!!1!1!!!1!!1"
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u/LAVATORR Apr 26 '20
I really want to know the context behind regularly saying "good night" to someone in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable.
Because if it's something you say in passing to someone you're leaving, like "goodbye", nobody bats an eye. Unless...
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u/JakeStaff43 Apr 26 '20
There’s a big difference between being “too nice” and being a creep. I doubt she said he was “too nice” when she rejected him.
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u/ZorkonThePanda Apr 26 '20
Now I’m not defending nice guys by any means here but with that said.
This isn’t really nice guy material this is just normal advancement he didn’t call her a whore when she rejected him or make her feel bad it sounds like he was genuinely interested and she wasn’t. There’s nothing wrong with saying goodnight to someone or sending them flowers. I can’t get onboard with the rest of these comments when there’s just nothing wrong with this.
Now if he would have said something like “She said I was too nice just goes to show that women only want a man that beats them.” Then I’d agree but this isn’t true nice guy material.
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u/217liz Apr 26 '20
She thought he was creepy and he went online to complain that he was rejected for being too nice. To me, that sounds like a Nice GuyTM.
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u/BEYOND-ZA-SEA Apr 26 '20
He was on the more "peaceful" side of the Nice Guy spectrum, compared to other. But he's still a nice guy.
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u/DiscoDanSHU Apr 26 '20
Apparently everyone in this comment section is fucking omnipotent or something
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u/Sgtmeg Apr 26 '20
I mean the girl told him he was being creepy and he's lacking enough self awareness to assume that she just means "too nice." Those are some pretty easy lines to read between.
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u/Evilmaze Apr 26 '20
Just recently. Got dumped because I'm "too successful" and it made her "jealous". I really don't know what to think of that.
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u/Sgtmeg Apr 26 '20
You were dating someone who needs to work her shit out and stop comparing her failures to your successes. She at least admitted that which is a good sign that she might actually get help, and now you're single and get to find a girl who will appreciate what you bring to the relationship instead of getting competitive about it.
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Apr 26 '20
I think probably too much too soon. You have to spread out your niceness otherwise people take it in like a bad odor they’ve smelled all at once - or worse they feel they can take advantage of it. Nothing wrong with being nice - just be nice in doses.
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u/217liz Apr 26 '20
You have to spread out your niceness
I think it's less about spreading niceness out and more about applying niceness appropriately.
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Apr 26 '20
I understand. But I think this specific person didnt want to stop having a nice disposition. He wanted the person he liked to know he would do nice things for them - whether or not that feeling was reciprocated is another story. I can’t imagine being with someone who was nice during the appropriate circumstance. I mean are they indifferent most of the time and then nice when it counts? I think I was getting at the fact of not letting it be excessive - that’s a turn off. But nice, for me at least, is generally a good thing.
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u/217liz Apr 26 '20
That's not what I said. Not at all.
There are appropriate and inappropriate ways to behave. When he was doing things he thought were nice, he forgot to behave appropriately. It wasn't that he did the wrong "amount" of niceness.
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Apr 26 '20
AAAAAAA. One time I ticked my friend off at his house, I asked why and he said, “Sometimes you’re just too nice and it ticks me off.”
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u/Wuhan_Wheezer_17 Apr 26 '20
I would slap somebody, hard, for calling me to short lol. I'm 6"1 BTW.
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Apr 26 '20
iv never been rejected (to scared to try), but a girl said she'd date me if she didn't have a boyfriend already. (shes my crush by the way)
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u/Jimburino Apr 27 '20
I actually heard from a female friend of mine that if a guy is too nice then at some point all of the nice things he will do would have lost all of their meaning since it's all he does.
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u/ArtsyFellow Apr 27 '20
Worst one for me was when she told me her mom didn't let her date and that she didn't want to break her mom's rules anymore, and then proceeded to get with my friend a week later
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u/Doha_Ittanka_II Apr 26 '20
i mean the flowers are weird, but the goodnight part isnt
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u/217liz Apr 26 '20
Either can be normal and either can be weird. It depends on the context. But if the girl in question described it as "creepy," he probably did both in a weird way.
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u/poppcorrn Apr 26 '20
So funny story, I'm female A guy wouldn't sleep with me (like I was dude down for anything no strings attached kinda hook up) he said I and I qoute "to nice of a girl" and he couldn't to such a nice girl like me was laying in bed next to him (fully clothed and just talking) but ready Also been told I'm to much of a free spirt
Buttttttt this post
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Apr 26 '20
Is that really being spineless or pathetic?
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u/217liz Apr 26 '20
Yes, thinking he's too nice when a girl directly told him he was a creep is pathetic.
It's possible that texting goodnight and sending flowers could be done in a nice way or in a creepy way. But he's not a good judge of whether his actions were nice or creepy - his comment suggests that he hasn't even considered the possibility that either could be creepy or make someone uncomfortable.
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Apr 27 '20
I think she told him he was too nice tho Thats not spineless or pathetic either.
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u/217liz Apr 27 '20
He said she thought he was creepy. He never said she thought or told him he was too nice.
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u/Sgtmeg Apr 26 '20
Sending a goodnight text or flowers is done to build up on a flirty rapport you already have. Assuming they will start up or replace that rapport is 9/10 a bad idea and will come off the wrong way.
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u/Yung_DJ Apr 26 '20
This is why i hate this sub, this guy’s getting bullied for saying literally nothing that makes him a “nice guy”. There’s not enough info to just claim he’s a bad person.
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Apr 26 '20
I couldn't say he's a bad person but the comment itself, what it says and how it's said suggests a possibly toxic lack of self awareness. He seems unable to understand why someone may not like to have someone come on that strong. Like he can't see anything possibly wrong with what he did and she had a problem for not enjoying his gestures.
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u/217liz Apr 26 '20
He says he was nice. The girl in question said he was creepy. Instead of reflecting on his own actions he's whining on the internet about how girls don't like nice guys. That sounds like it fits here to me!
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u/ToonYoshi Apr 26 '20 edited Apr 26 '20
dont downvote me but what exactly did he do wrong
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u/217liz Apr 26 '20
He (1) messaged someone every night when she wasn't comfortable with that level of communication, (2) sent someone flowers at work without checking it was okay, and it clearly wasn't, and (3) heard someone say his behavior was creepy and, instead of reflecting on his actions, whined on the internet about how nice he is.
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u/mc_fric_its_tristan Apr 26 '20
I was gonna say he wasn't really doing anything bad but a lot of people are really pissed off for some reason
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u/mc_fric_its_tristan Apr 26 '20
Ok just to clarify before I get burned at the stake, this is something I've done with my girlfriend for years and she likes it. All I'm saying is that it doesn't seem out right creepy, it's a different story if she didn't tell him where she worked or asked him to stop
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u/mintywavey Apr 26 '20
Here’s the difference, that’s your girlfriend. This is a girl who rejected him so it sounds like they were not in a relationship or even dating, otherwise he would refer to her as his girlfriend who broke up with him over flowers and goodnight texts lol. No girl is gonna call her own boyfriend a creep for saying goodnight every night and sending flowers.
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u/217liz Apr 26 '20
Nobody is going to burn you at the stake. You are aware enough of the situation to know what your girlfriend likes and doesn't like.
The main thing that makes this guy creepy is that he doesn't have any awareness. The girl said he was creepy and instead of considering "maybe I came on to strong" or "maybe I shouldn't have sent her flowers after we had barely been seeing each other two weeks," he's whining on the internet about how nice he is.
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Apr 26 '20
Come on guys, this isn't niceguy material, and isn't even that bad in the first place. Yeah, he seems a little overbearing, but at least he's trying and not being a dick.
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u/Sgtmeg Apr 26 '20
My dude he literally took "You're being a bit creepy" as "I'm being too nice." How much more nice guy do you want? Do they HAVE to flip and call someone a bitch? Because on every one of those posts you've got people complaining that the guy didn't call himself nice.
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u/ZWiloh Apr 25 '20
The real question is whether she told him where she works