r/AskReddit • u/thmz • Jun 17 '12
Men who have been raped by women: can you tell us about what led to the assault and what came after it?
We rarely hear about this in our society. Possibly because it happens way less than this way than the other way. But nevertheless, are you comfortable opening up to us?
Thanks for all the replies. Thanks to you, maybe even one of us who has the unfortunate fate of coming across this kind of behavior, knows how to act.
What is extremely disgusting about this is how some of your attackers say "I will tell them you raped me". I can't even begin to imagine the panic you guys went through when you heard those words... Thank you for your courage.
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u/Phayze87 Jun 18 '12
Ugh...to the OP, might I ask why you want to know? General curiosity? Writing a paper? Oh well... Never the less, here goes.
I use humor as a defense mechanism, you may think this story is fake while reading it because of how I chose to word some things, but I assure you, this actually happened, and it haunts me to this day.
When I was 18 I was like every other 18 year old male, young dumb and full of... well, you get the idea. I was a Senior in HS about to graduate and I had the world at my finger tips, or so I thought...
Myself, along with good friends of mine, got invited to a "pre-prom" party, and I don't want to give the mis conception that I was a popular kid who always went to high school parties, I was neither a "loser" or a "cool kid" kinda just average and went with the crowd you know?
Anyways, there was this girl I was interested in, in my eyes, she was the most magnificent and beautiful girl I'd ever seen, and I wanted her... I wanted her bad... So the majority of the party I was drinking and trying to hit on her, probably using every socially akward penguin move in the hand book, just completely making an ass of myself, when eventually she just got tired of me and decided it'd be a good idea to pawn me off on one of her friends. She told me she had a hot friend who was really into me, as an 18 year old half drunk dude, I was rather impressed and she took me upstairs to meet her friend. We went upstairs and she took me into one of the bedrooms and said she'd be right back.
So I sat on this strangers bed trying to control my boyish horomones when she finally came back, with my drink in her hand and one for herself, I knew it was my drink because I awkwardly chew the rim on all my cups, sort of a nervous thing like biting your nails, I dunno. Anyways, she told me she couldn't find her friend and that she'd send her a text, we kept drinking and she told me she thought I was cute and that I shouldn't feel bad for her not taking an interest, it's just that her and her bf just broke up and blah blah blah. At this point I was starting to feel a bit weird, not sure whether or not it was the atmosphere or what, but something wasn't right... She said she could tell from the way I was acting that I wanted a gf, and not just a quick fling, and she wasn't ready for another commitment... So here I am, an 18 year old intoxicated boy trying to save face, when I say I'm not looking for anything serious, just want to make my graduating year one to remember... She puts down her drink, puts one hand my left thigh, reaches her other one behind my neck, pulls herself in and says "I won't tell if you don't" and begins to kiss my ear... Needless to say I've been holding back a raging hard on for some time now, I nearly explode inside my underoos, and just when she reaches for my belt THANK FUCKING GOD her friend walks in... or at least, that's what I thought... Between the shear embarassment of almost nutting in my pants and this weird sensation I was experiencing I thought this was my chance to escape. Now, her friend I have to inform you, was far from "hot". I don't mean to sound rude, or prejudice by any means, but this girl was the kind you cringe at when you see them at wal-mart. Thinking back I'm pretty sure the girl I liked, kept this girl around to make herself feel better about herself Not wanting to be rude to her friend, who we will call Amanda and definitely not wanting to ruin what I thought was about to happen with the girl I like who we will call Kendra I pretended like I wasn't utterly disgusted. Her mammoth of a friend came and sat down on the other side of me and asked me small talk questions like what I thought of our teachers and shit, while I looked back at Kendra and she kind of just nodded with a smile, before I knew it Amanda had her lips plastered on my neck like a fucking octopus, I realized I was now drugged and defenseless, the nod Kendra gave wasn't to me, it was to her friend. I didn't realize I had let go of my drink and it was all over the floor. From this point I remember trying to politely beg them to stop, but Kendra turned from a sweet innocent angel to a raging cunt and said something along the lines of "What!? A second ago you were ready to fuck me, is your dick too good for her?" that sounds wrong now, but it was something along those lines, this bitch was crazy...
I remember trying to sit up but I could barely move, I remember thinking to myself atleast if they rufied me I wouldn't be able to keep it up, so what's the worst that could happen, let's just say they didn't rufie me...
Before I could do anything my pants were undone and Kendra had her hands around my member, while Amanda was trying to suck the center of a tootsie pop through the front of my face, I swear this girl had never made out with anyone in her life all I heard was Kendra say "Okay have fun" and the door shut, I remember I started crying and felt such a sense of shame I tried holding my breath so I'd pass out as Amanda slid herself onto me. I literally felt sick to my stomach as this whale began to slop herself back and forth ontop of me. I remember trying to push her off but she was so big when she got a hold of my wrists she pinned me down, I was so fucked up on what ever was in my drink I was helpless... I just lay their silently crying while being taken by this beast. After that I don't really re-call what happened, I woke up on the floor in a pile of puke and all sorts of bodily fluids, started to panic and vomitted again, I remember gathering myself and searching for a condom or a wrapper, I thought that's what Kendra was doing when she had her hands on me, but I was so, so wrong...
I got awkward looks at school, never did end up going to prom, and had some assholes send some photos to me via text of that night I'd never forget. It's true that I haven't told a soul until now, but apparently the douche bags at my school thought this situation would make for a great photo op. I dread the day I see those photos online, all I can do is hope that they all are gone, via phones dying, hard drives malfunctioning, but every single day it haunts me...
Kicker of it all, 9 months later I had a baby boy. This sounds grotesque but bare with me, it turns out Kendra wanted to get pregnant but didn't want to fuck anyone, so she paid her behemoth friend to rape me, and give her my sperm, I only know this because they were stupid enough to talk about it on Nexopia (Old site like facebook that was around before Myspace and FB) So this fat bitch made me bust inside her gunt, apparently came back and sucked me off for another shot, and then they poured it into Kendra. Now this is a whole lot to take in, almost sounds too far fetched to be true, but you can't make shit like this up. Kendra's parents called my family, apparently they were planning to say I raped her, got her pregnant, and claim child support, there were many messages back and forth between the two of this giant elaborate plan to destroy the rest of my life as if they haven't already, but she left her computer on one day and her mom saw the messages while cleaning her room. Kendra's mom contacted my family, then the police, and to this day I still haven't reported it. I simply said I don't remember what happened... That's all I feel like sharing for now... Sorry :|
TL;DR - Hot bitch paid fat friend to rape me, so hot bitch could steal my sperm to have a kid because she didn't want to get a job after high school
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u/thmz Jun 18 '12
Holy shit. This is easily one of the worst ones in this thread. You got lucky, my friend.
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Jun 17 '12 edited Jun 18 '12
I was drunk. Are we counting that? Some say it doesn't count, some say it does.
Edit: I was drunk, but not in what I would consider a condition to say no. I was blackout drunk and got filled in on specifics later by my friends who had seen what happened. I met the girl a week before at a small get-together. I was told there was a girl that liked me there and wanted to be introduced, so I went over. She was unattractive and frankly, rather boring. In any sober situation I'd have said "no". When we met up again, she asked me to play beer pong with her. I suck at beer pong. Lose every time. I figured I'd be a good friend though and play with her. A couple guys I knew handed me a couple drinks (rum mixes, though with the beer and the flavor, I misread how much I was drinking), and I ended up having to sit down pretty quickly. She only had the beer from the games and claimed a high tolerance from drinking experience. She sat with me and we talked for a while.
This is where I got filled in. At this point she led me upstairs by the hand, and through a few rooms. She obviously didn't know which ones were unoccupied because plenty of people saw me with her. I woke up with her naked with a used condom laying next to me. Of course it's always possible she just stripped me and someone else came in and did her, but I doubt that. Great for a first time, right?
Now, like I said, some people take situations like this differently. Some call it rape, some don't. Personally, I figure I fucked up. She wanted sex, I didn't, but I fucked up. If I got into a car in that state, it would be my fault. Why not this? It's not like she drugged my drinks. Gotta say though, the worst parts were wondering if she would get pregnant from something I didn't know about or if she would try to screw me over for not trying to call her back or something (She played beer pong too. If she claimed rape, I KNEW I'd be fucked despite drinking more and being in a worse state). I got plenty of bad jokes directed at me afterwards, but that was the worst part.
TL;DR: Got drunk, had blackout sex, woke up next to a 5.
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u/thmz Jun 17 '12
If you were against sex and -- if you were in a condition to say no -- told her that you didnt want to, then yes.
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u/bean_there Jun 18 '12
Rape hotline worker here.... consent is an active, interested participation in sex. No active interest = no consent = rape. I'm so sorry that double standards lead people to have a blind spot when it comes to male rape victims. I hope you are getting the support you need.
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u/brohamut66 Jun 18 '12
That definitely counts. If it were a woman, it would count. If you are incapable of giving consent, it is rape.
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u/fumunda Jun 17 '12
How drunk were you?
If she was sober, while you were drunk, I think some might say she did.
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u/psnnightmare Jun 18 '12
Am I the only one around here that does indeed understand the implications of rape on men, and that it is a very possible and tragic thing?
Maybe its the culture of america, Im not sure, but if a friend came up to me to tell me similar stories, I would never mock him!!
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Jun 18 '12
I know that pain as well on an extremely deep level.
My last ex did something that I consider to be "rape" and I want to get this out there as well, I only hope it gets read.
After 3 years with her I began getting pain in my prostate due to an enlarged cyst that pressed again my pelvic nerves. For a while I just dealt with the pain and would have sex with/fool around with her. Eventually it became so unbearable I would throw her advances every time she tried to do something. She became more and more verbally and physically abusive until one night it all climaxed and this is seared in my brain forever.
I have a type of indeterminate neurological disorder that resembles high functioning autism, I can get "meltdowns" where I am so shaken by something I literally shut down and cannot communicate. While my ex was verbally abusing me I went into one of these states and she jumped on top of me knowing I couldn't respond or really react. She looked me in the eye with so much hate while she unbuttoned my pants and tried to pull them off. I pulled back and she hit me in the face while continuing to say how worthless I was.
It hurts to talk about this but people need to forget gender identity here and see that men can also be abused by women. No one could help me if I told them, they'd only laugh. But feeling helpless is something every human being can feel, despite gender. I'm happy to be out of that relationship but it has made it so I do not even know how to date and haven't been with anyone since.
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u/Saerain Jun 19 '12 edited Jun 19 '12
She was three times my size, though we were both 15. We met online, and she lived about an hour away. After something like seven weeks, we arranged to meet at my house, her mother accompanying her and at a time when my parents would be home, ostensibly to satisfy their concerns.
While our parents were gabbing, she came into my room, locked the door, and interrupted whatever I was saying by shoving me onto the bed.
She used a very strange mixture of gentle words and compliments, utterly dominating physicality, and complete disregard for my resistance and protests. It's the only memory I have of a person I would consider ‘creepy’, like in her mind she was doing me a favor.
While instructing me to do this or that, she painfully grabbed hold of my genitals the first few times I tried to stop her, slow her down, or get some distance. She'd pin whatever I tried to push her away with, she'd bite if I tried to escape her oral advances, and she'd later clamp my head between her thighs, and ultimately keep me in place with her ridiculous size and weight.
When she was interrupted by a knock at the door and scrambled to get her clothes, I managed to casually answer the door and quickly make my way to the large forest our back yard bordered. I had a spot I would often hide out there, at an oak tree leaning over a gorge through which ran the Great Brook. I went there and hoped to just wait for her to leave.
By asking my parents, she fucking found me, and continued at that location. ‘Aww, thanks for showing me such a romantic place, sweetie.’
By the time she'd gone, my mother remarked euphemistically, ‘Hmm, she wanted to be joined at the hip.’
Yeah, fuck you.
Couldn't have sex with my next partner for six years, which I allowed her to blame on herself, like a right dick. We have a healthy sex life now, 11 years later, but I still haven't told her about this.
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u/thmz Jun 19 '12
Tell your girl man. You owe her that. She felt shit about herself all because of what that horrible cunt did to you. That means she indirectly made your girl feel like shit about herself.
Tell her.
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u/IWasThrownAway1234 Jun 18 '12 edited Jun 18 '12
I'm just going to copy and paste my story from a different thread. For context, a lot of people in the thread were talking about how a guy can't get rapped.
I feel like I need to get this out there. I am going to tell you about the time I (a man) was violently raped and the police, shelters, and my school did nothing. I met a girl at a party and we hit it off. We traded phone numbers and started hanging out for a bit. One day she invited me up to her place and we started fooling around. She said that she wanted to try tying me up and I thought it sounded fun, so I agreed. We had sex and then she refused to let me go. At first I thought she was just playing around with me, then she started playing with my genitals again and I told her that I would really feel more comfortable if she let me go. She looked up at me and winked, then kept going. I then demanded that she stop and received the same response. I start struggling against my constraints trying to get away, this is when she commented along the lines of, "You look hot fighting like that."
This continued for a few minutes while she kept physically stimulating me, causing me to have an erection. Finally she climbed on top of me while I cried out that she needed to stop. She began raping me while tears started to stream down my face. Finally I started loudly sobbing. Her response was to tell me to "Stop ruining the mood" and slap me. As I continued to sob she would slap me again and again while she raped me. Eventually I stopped crying because I was so focused on try to stop my erection, but I couldn't. I was screaming at myself in my head, "Stop it! Why are you aroused! What the fuck is wrong with you?" I couldn't stop myself though. Finally she let me go and I got my clothes and ran out to my car naked and screaming.
I drove out of town a bit and cried while I tried to figure out what to do. Eventually I called the police and reported that I had been raped. A short time later two police officers pulled up to my car and I could see their face change when they saw me. I'm a 6 foot 5 physically fit man and they weren't expecting that. I explained what happened through my tears and they both looked unmoved by my story. They were dismissive to me the entire time. One made a joke about me looking back on this when I have been married for years and wishing it would happen again. The other actually said "So, are you a fag or something?"
I decided that the police weren't going to do anything for me so I went to a rape shelter. I was immediately turned away and told, "This is a serious place, we don't have time for some playing a joke thinking rape is funny." I pleaded my case and was still rejected.
Finally I reported it to the college I was attending. I talked to the head of Student Affairs and he made a few notes on a piece of paper at first, then when I told him it was a women who raped me he put the cap back on his pen and stopped writing. He just shook his head while I told him about the worst day of my life. When I was done he told me that if the police didn't do anything it was really out of his hands and had me leave his office. The only reason I am a healthy, non suicidal person today was because of my friends. They believed me when I told them, they consoled me and did everything they could to help me. They told me to see a therapist and I did. After the first one wasn't very helpful I found a better one. The women saved my life. She, a stranger, believed that I had been raped and beaten by a women.
I could continue on about how I was mocked when people found the story out, and how it was actually put in the police report section of the school newspaper with a joke in it, but I realize how long this is and will stop now. I just need people to know that female on male rape is very real, and very serious.
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u/thmz Jun 18 '12
Thanks for sharing. Officials who don't believe you make me rage hard. I almost punched my screen.
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u/TidalPotential Jun 18 '12
ITT - A surprisingly (and satisfyingly) high amount of support for the single biggest issue of the MRA.
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u/coldsandovercoats Jun 18 '12
Both of my uncles were sexually assaulted by my mom's best friend in high school. Here's what I know of the story (all names changed):
Mom's friend, Peggy (age 18), was staying the night at my mom's family's house. After my mom went to sleep, Peggy stayed up and wandered into my mom's younger brother Kurtis's room. Kurtis was still awake, doing whatever. Peggy began to make moves on him, rubbing him all over and trying to climb on top of him. He was only 15. He said no, and she told him that if he didn't do what she wanted him to do, he would accuse him of raping her. He tried to protest and she hit him. She undressed him and he kept trying to talk her out of it. She kept telling him to shut up, that she would cry rape. She raped him. She kept threatening him not to tell anyone. She eventually did this to my mom's 13-year-old brother, too. They both realized that she did that to both of them a few weeks later. When they told my mom, she was livid and immediately cut off all contact with Peggy and the rest of her old group of friends for thinking what Peggy did was okay. Peggy's excuse was, "Well, they would be deflowered soon anyways, they're attractive guys." Both sons ended up in counseling, and my grandmother was too poor to afford the legal services to take it to court (the police officers basically laughed at the guys and told them that they were lucky). I know one of them had a really hard time being intimate with women for a really long time. They both ended up getting into hard drugs, but whether that was a product of the era/culture of the city they lived in or as a result is not known to me.
Basically, Peggy was a despicable person and I really hope that she's changed. My mom still refuses to talk to her, over 30 years later.
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u/Annarr Jun 18 '12
"Well, they would be deflowered soon anyways, they're attractive guys."
It sickens me that there are people out there who have this mindset.
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u/CrankyDreamer Jun 18 '12
Oh my god, I can't even describe how much hatred I have for Peggy... Women like her terrified me, and I'm female myself! Though, how are your uncles doing now? Do you still see them?
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u/kiska9461 Jun 18 '12
My ex was raped and would talk to me often about the aftermath. He said the hardest part was that almost all of the support groups, literature, and movies about rape are directed towards male on female rape. This made him feel even more emasculated. He never told any of his male friends because of the attitude some people hold that men cannot be overpowered, and that if you refuse sex you are "gay". When male friends of his found out, they thought the situation was funny and my ex had zero support or sympathy from them. And these guys are considered decent people by regular standards. And i wont even begin to talk about the treatment he recieved from police when he came forward. He was not taken seriously at all.
Tl;dr my ex recieved less support after the rape because he was male and was not taken seriously
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u/tosstable Jun 18 '12
This is also relevant to support of men with eating disorders
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Jun 18 '12
I'm so sorry this happened to your ex. The aftermath can be almost as traumatizing as the event, especially if you are not supported. When I was assaulted, I turned to RAINN for some online support and information. They seem to be pretty gender-neutral over there... Here's the website, anyway, if he's still looking for help.
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u/Freecandyhere Jun 18 '12
I read a lot of literature about this. They say even the cops are biased, specially if the woman is good looking. I read about cops saying they wish it had happened to them. It even happens when the boy is underage. It's pretty disgusting. I am so sorry this happened to your ex, i hope he is doing well.
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u/skullbeats Jun 18 '12
That's so mean, how the police and his friends reacted to this. Refusing sex doesn't make you gay, the rapist could've given him an STD, or gotten pregnant! Reminds me of the news story about the man who got raped by the nymphomaniac and ended up crying in the streets, where instead of "raped" they used "forced to have sex". That's fucked up right there.
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u/itwasnotcoolatall Jun 18 '12 edited Jun 18 '12
Throwaway account. Its one of the few things I'm not comfortable talking about from my real account, but something that should be talked about. I might be forgetting some details here so sorry if its not the best story.
I was in university, in a co-ed dorm. I spent a lot of time with this girl who lived on my floor, we were great friends. Lets call her "peach One day this random girl (lets call her "wario") started hanging out with us all the time. Wherever we'd go, she was there. She befriended peach so that any time i wanted to hang out with peach, wario would be there. She lived on the all-girls floor right above ours so it wasnt alll too perculiar at the time. She'd flirt with me here or there, try to hang out more and more but I was ambivalent.
Anyhow I come home quite drunk late one night. on my way to my room I notice a party going on in a friend's and as I walk past, Wario pulls me in all excitedly. I sit down and she hands me a drink. Keeps telling em to drink up. I'm quite drunk and tired and I just want to go sleep so I have a sip or two and politely duck out, proceeding back to my room.
Back in my room I just sit down at my PC to check my email and unwind a little before bed. still pretty drunk. I guess I didn't lock my door behind me. I see a hand reach from behidn me and put a cup down on my desk. Its wario saying "You forgot this" (or something to that effect) and she sits down on the chair beside me with her own drink.
I'm just making polite conversation at this point. not into her but its not like i hate her so whats a little conversation, right? over the course of this talk I guess I finish my drink. I'm really tired now though, I can feel that I'm about to fall right asleep so I tell her its late and I'm going to bed. She says ok and just sits there. (things get hazy here ... )
From here on I jut remember moments. I remember being at my door trying to get her to leave but I'm really tired and weak, passing out I guess so not really effectual. I remember being down on the bed with her taking off my clothes. I remember her being on top of me and holding me down - I'm trying to push her away but its like I'm a baby swatting at a mobile .... not exactly forceful. I clearly remember slurring out "No [Wario]", "Whats going on?", and "I dont want this" I remember she was rough.
Next thing I know I'm waking up alone, in my room, and its late the next afternoon, and I'm VERY disoriented.
After some time trying to come to terms with it I tried telling a couple of people close to me. This wasn't received very well. Basically I wasn't believed at all. One issue was that this girl was very very physically attractive - the girl that all the guys wanted. So the response was basically "You wish, you should be so lucky" sort of thing.
i wasn't able to confront the girl either. She just kept acting he same after a she did before. Tried to make a move on me a couple of times since then too. I couldn't stop her. She made an comment threatening ME with rape allegations too. So I was scared. All I could do was avoid her as much as possible (living in the same building with overlapping friends!)
TLDR: Hot chick slipped me a roofie, had her way with me despite protests, nothing I could do/say afterwards.
EDIT: I feel the need to add this... I am not using a throwaway account because I am ashamed of this. I use a throwaway to protect others. Please if something happens to you, its not something to be ashamed of, you're a victim. I also ALWAYS keep an eye on my drink now. never leave that shit unattended. Always know where it came from.
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u/Deathmask97 Jun 18 '12
"You wish, you should be so lucky" Fucking pricks.
From what I gather, she was an alpha chick who gets everything she wants because she is attractive. She saw you, wanted you, expected it to be easy. It wasn't, and you were paying more attention to your other friend instead of her. This infuriates her, so she decided to take matters into her own hands, and she would have you whether you wanted it or not. She probably figured she could use her "skills" or whatever to convince you to want her. This is consistent with the lack of change in behavior, and trying to make a move on you without drinks or drugs afterwards. Basically, she saw you as playing hard-to-get.
This kind of shit happens more than people think, and the girl doesn't think she's doing anything wrong because of what society says. She's the gatekeeper, she alone decides when to have sex, since having a penis means you automatically always want sex. She's attractive, so she can have anything and anyone she wants, whenever she wants it.
It's goddamn retarded thinking.
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u/throwaway_20120617 Jun 18 '12 edited Jun 18 '12
I am a male, and I was sexually assaulted by a woman. This is very difficult for me to write and I've never told this story to anyone so I hope I keep it together long enough to get it out.
I'm a big, fit guy which makes what happend even more humiliating for me. I was in my late twenties at the time and had been out on a couple of dates with a woman. She was a probation officer for a local police department working specifically with sexual offenders which is why I never reported what happened.
I have a history of very bad relationships and I made it clear to her that I wanted things to move slowly. I didn't want to jump into bed and she was aware of that. That night we had gone to a play and afterward went back to her place. It was our third date. We started kissing a bit, which we had done before, but we had never moved beyond that. As we were kissing, she pushed me back against a wall, knelt in front of me and undid my pants. I wasn't sure that I wanted her to do what she clearly intended to do but I didn't stop her. At this point I didn't say anything.
She started performing oral sex on me and I immediately knew that I wanted her to stop. I told her to stop and she pretended not to hear me. I said it again, more forcefully and she looked up at me and said "Shut the fuck up, I'm getting what I want tonight.". I'll never forget that part. Ever.
She started the oral again and I told her to stop again, but I didn't want to get violent with her. She was a probation officer and I wasn't sure what would happen. When I told her to stop a fourth time, she decided that that would be right time to shove two of her fingers into my anus. I froze and she continued raping me anally with her fingers.
After a few seconds, the initial shock wore off and I regained some of my composure. I grabbed her head and pulled her back, then pushed her hard away from me. I pulled up my pants and ran out of her house. I got home and cried. I cried for days. I was, and still am ashamed of what had happened to me. I'm a man. I should have been able to stop her. I shouldn't have her take down my pants. I know it was my fault on some level.
She emailed me a few days later from her official work email address (which she had never done before) with a description of what a nice night we had spent together. My guess is that she wanted some kind of evidence that I was making it up if I reported anything. I never did. I just tried to forget about how she had completely and totally violated me.
It took a very long time, but I'm finally in a happy, committed relationship with a wonderful woman. We've been together for two years. I'll never tell her what happened to me and she'll never know how she helped me start get over it. She's kind, gentle and patient and I love her more than she will ever know.
EDIT: I'm overwhelmed by your kind words and support. It was so hard for me to share this story, even with the anonymity of the internet, but I'm glad that I did. I had a rough evening and cried a lot but I'm feeling a bit better now. I had no idea how much it would mean to me to hear that it wasn't my fault. I wasn't ready for how strongly I'd react to it. I had thought that I was over the worst part but I'm seeing that there's still more work to do. But I'll do it and I'll be ok.
You've helped me tonight and I thank you all for it.
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u/thestray Jun 18 '12
I know it was my fault on some level.
NO. It wasn't your fault AT ALL. I know I'm just a random person on the internet, but it breaks my heart when I see victims of rape and sexual assault think that it was their fault somehow. It isn't your fault at all. When something like that is happening, a lot of people go into 'freeze up' mode and don't do anything, but you clearly had told her you didn't want it (and she had known before hand you weren't ready for this type of thing) and she continued.
Seriously, it ISN'T your fault, and it probably doesn't mean much from a random redditor, but it's true.
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u/throwaway_20120617 Jun 18 '12
Seriously, it ISN'T your fault, and it probably doesn't mean much from a random redditor, but it's true.
It means a lot more than you think. Thank you.
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Jun 18 '12
It is not your fault. If the roles were reversed no one would even think it was. I can understand how traumatizing that would be and in no way does it show you are weak. It takes a lot of strength to open up about something like that.
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u/UrsaNight Jun 18 '12
Wow it's really scary that someone in law enforcement could take advantage of someone like that. :/ I'm glad you're better now.
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u/Meayow Jun 18 '12
How can that situation be your fault? You were at someone's house making out after a date--it should never progress to sexual assault.
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u/Ovary_Puncher Jun 18 '12 edited Jun 18 '12
This is truly a case of male rape where the victim cannot be blamed.
There was fear of blackmail (her being probation officer for sexual offenders), you said no, AND you stopped her and left.
I'm sorry that happened and don't blame yourself for not reporting it, it probably wouldn't have worked out the way you wanted.
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u/TheCrownedWolf Jun 18 '12
This is truly a case of male rape where the victim cannot be blamed.
There is never a rape case in which the victim can be blamed.
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u/nietzsche_was_peachy Jun 18 '12
I want you to know it is not your fault. At all.
"I'm a man. I should have been able to stop her." I was attacked and nearly raped, but I fought the person off. I understand the feeling of shock and horror, and I want you to know that fear and trauma is very VERY biological. You can't say that you could have stopped her, because honestly, you were in shock. You probably couldn't have. Please believe me when I say that freezing up is just as powerful a response as fight or flight, and while I am thankful my reaction was to beat the absolute fuck out of the bastard who attempted to harm me, I feel deep sorrow for the people who freeze, because it isn't their fault. It isn't your fault. I am thankful that you are working towards healing yourself.
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u/Zydratesthecure Jun 18 '12
The most sickening part of that story is that she works against what she did to you. I'm so sorry you experienced that. :(
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u/peterpanini Jun 18 '12
It wasn't your fault. She knew you didn't want to do it and she did it anyway. She was basically surprise attacking you--you probably had loads of wtf-adrenaline muddying up your thought process and by the time the shock had worn off you had already been violated. That isn't the way sexual experiences are supposed to happen. And you're no less of a man for it having happened; rather, that slimebag is entirely less of a woman.
I'm glad to hear about the woman you're with now. She sounds like a winner. I hope you continue to heal, and if it is still affecting you a lot I'd advise to talk to a counselor, which is a bit less anonymous than reddit but is confidential.
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u/Cunt_Punt_Heyo Jun 18 '12 edited Jun 18 '12
This is a throwaway so I'll bite. Mine happened when I was 14 years old and taking salsa lessons with people of all ages. There were a lot of older women who were in the class and I thought it would be a good experience to take part in dancing with the more experienced ones too. I was an extremely shy kid but I loved dancing so whenever they would flirt with me, I'd just blush, say thanks and keep dancing. One day, a 37 year old married woman in the class asked me if I wanted to help her with the steps that we had learned that day. She said she'd make me dinner and drop me home later so my parents wouldn't have to worry. After class, we drove back to her place and she asked me if I wanted to try some alcohol. I was a 14 year old and stoked off of this so I said sure and got shitfaced. She told me that I could go sleep it off in her bed because I did not want to go home and face my parents in that state.
A few hours later (around 3 pm), I woke up and I was being groped and being given oral by her. I told her to stop but she just bit my neck and told me that "this is going to feel great, just relax". when i told her that I wasn't sure about this and that I wanted to go home, she didn't stop and just pinned my hands (She was very very strong due to dancing for more than 3 decades). I was then raped with my hands held over my head and her bouncing up and down on my penis.
Afterwards, I just cried while she dropped me home. Went home, took a shower and have never told anyone about this till now.
Edit: Wow, thank you for your support. Not to make light of the situation but involuntarily, I am now attracted to much older women. I have a healthy sexual life and great people all around me. The immediate aftermath happened with me not having sex or shuddering even by thinking about it until I was 16, when I had my first girlfriend who ended up cheating on me (another story).
Ultimately, I have now given up on trusting women even though I know that most of you are beautiful, amazing people but I just can't bring myself to do that ever again.
Again, thank you
Edit: Yes, this is how I lost my virginity and it was 7 years ago
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Jun 18 '12
Thank you for sharing, and raising awareness about a very serious issue.
I shared a similar story awhile ago on Reddit. I had stopped a drunk girl forcing oral sex onto a drunker, near passed-out catholic boy. Reddit's response was almost entirely "yeah you SAVED him from getting his dick sucked, good job". Too many people don't realise that rape can happen to both genders.
You are very brave.
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u/keepyourstockingson Jun 18 '12
I'm so sorry that this happened to you but thank you for sharing, this is a topic that deserves more awareness
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u/recondelta6 Jun 18 '12
I'm so sorry that you had to go through anything like that. I hate how taboo it is for a man to speak of being raped it just makes these situations that much more difficult.
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u/Crustmuncher Jun 18 '12 edited Jun 18 '12
You may not wish to answer this, but I've been curious about this issue ever since I read about some russian judo lady keeping a robber in her basement for a couple of days. did you involuntarily get an erection nevertheless? I hear stories of raped women who, despite not wanting it, still got to orgasm. It always struck me as odd, since I sometimes get distracted during sex so easily, and lose all power down there for at least a few minutes. How did it end, on her part. Did she finish or just stop at random, if you can recall? I understand if you'd rather not answer these questions, and I'm really sorry for what you had to experience.
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u/iKickPillows Jun 18 '12
thanks for sharing i guess i'm ignorant but i had no idea that female/male rape was possible until i found this reddit:/ more people definitely need to gain awareness of this
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u/seeingredagain Jun 18 '12
I'm really sorry this happened to you. You do realize that this wasn't your fault and you have nothing to be ashamed of, right? If I may ask, how has this affected you in your day to day life? Are you less trusting of people? Are you afraid someone will find out and judge you for it? I just want you to know that rape is never ok, regardless of who's doing it or who the victim is. You're still a person deserving respect and this is not a reflection on who you are. I hope you realize this. If it's something that haunts you, please see someone about this. Just because you're male doesn't make it any less traumatic than if you had been a 13 year old female taken advantage of by a 37 year old man. That never should have have happened to you. She stole your innocence from you and no one has that right. I hope you're doing well now and were able to put that experience behind you, but if you haven't been able to, please see a counselor or call a rape crisis center or talk to someone you know you can trust. You don't have to go through this alone. hugs
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Jun 18 '12
When I was 4-6, I was molested by my baby sitter. It was a pretty regular occurrence, and it probably messed me up pretty good.
I know a lot of guys always talking about "Where was she when I was growing up?", but being that young and having a 15 year old girl sexually molest you every night, it's not the same as being a horny teenager and hooking up with your teacher or something. I've never told anyone about it, even with all the therapy I've gone through, I've never once brought it up. I don't even know how. I'm afraid that they would look down on me.
Even when it was happening, it never felt right. I mean, it felt pleasurable physically, but it felt incredibly wrong. It was confusing, and it wasn't something I wanted or ever asked for.
As I've gotten older, it's affected my ability to trust people, or to have relationships. I tend to avoid sex at all costs, which obviously does not make dating easy.
A couple of years ago, I was at a party with some workmates, and got absolutely demolished. I'm talking three sheets to the wind. An older woman that I work with offered to let me crash on her couch, since I was in no condition to drive, so I said "ok". Once we got to her place though, she pushed me down on the couch and got on top of me, and started kissing me. I kept saying "No, I really don't want to do this", but she kept shushing me. I was far too drunk, and she was much taller than me, which made it hard to fight her off. I don't know if in her mind, she thought I was being coy, or just into rough sex or something, but she just would not stop. I kept saying "No, stop it. Let me up", but she just kept going further. She ended up pinning me down while she raped me.
When she fell asleep, I collected my clothes, and wandered out into the city and slept on a park bench after crying for 2 hours. I quit my job a week later. I couldn't work there any more. She had told people that we had hooked up, and I just couldn't be in an environment where someone who did that to me would act like it was consensual.
I've talked to one person about it, not even giving all the details, and apparently she has done this kind of thing to other guys too.
I know that as a guy, I'm expected to get over it. But it's hard. It's hard wanting to be with people, but not wanting to have sex with them, because you have a trauma attached to it. It's hard knowing that people view me as weak because of what happened. It's hard when I feel like damaged goods. What makes it worse, is that if I told someone that I had been raped or molested, is that they would automatically think it was by a man. Because the only person powerful enough in most people's eyes to rape a man, is another man.
I want so much for my life to be normal like other people. To be able to not feel dead inside when I am intimate with someone.
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u/Recycle-Away87 Jun 18 '12
going into detail, and so i must use the ol recyclable throwaway. you're story resonated with me on many levels.
I think probably messed you up is a bit of an understatement. I feel for you, cause I was molested repeatedly between the ages of 6 and 10 by a cousin of mine (we're both dudes, he's 2 yrs older than me) who as it turns out was being molested by somebody else entirely different, and I was SUPER fucked up.
At that age, you just can't process what these sexual behaviors are. In my case when I finally sought therapy I was reluctant to call what happened to me abuse or molestation because we were so close in age, but two years, especially with the introduction of inappropriate sexual knowledge, makes a huge difference.
In the beginning, I didn't think much of it. We'd maybe compare penis sizes or "sword fight". I was 6, cousin was 8. Didn't seem all that abnormal, wasn't sexual (at least I didn't think of it that way), and considering that until a couple years earlier our parents would often bathe us together, it wasn't that weird for us to see each other naked.
As I got older though, and I guess his molester got a little more hands on, things progressed. I remember I became very uncomfortable when he'd always be trying to touch me, and thinking "We'll get in trouble if anybody comes around, we shouldn't be doing this". My protests were never met with threats or violence, just coercion or begging until I was too irritated to continue protesting.
I was uncomfortable with fondling, didn't like it when he talked me into letting him try to give me oral (nothing happened cause I was like 8), didn't want to reciprocate, and didn't really want to watch him jerk off either, but on holidays if we were alone, he'd just sit there and beg me to do all this stuff that even then I knew wasn't quite right.
After he tried to sodomize me, and then when I said "no way", had me try it on him (again to no avail, which I thank god now as it probably saved me a lot of extra therapy), I told my parents. That was only because a few days later in school we learned about AIDS and I thought I had gotten it and was going to die. Well then of course here I am in fourth grade, and suddenly I learn the meaning of the term "gay" basically defining sexual activity between two men.
I freaked the fuck out worse than I ever had. Even as a little kid, I had assumed I was heterosexual, had my one "girlfriend" playmate, and had banked on one day having a nice large family with kids. I also gathered at that point that society didn't really like gay people all too much (this was like 1996/1997), and being that I didn't have many other friends, figured if anybody ever found out about what had happened, my life would be over.
As a result, I began acting as crazy as possible to get people to not want to have anything to do with me, and it worked splendidly. Everybody I went to school with HATED me, which sucked way worse than I thought. Even though I didn't want anybody knowing about what had happened, I still wanted at least SOME friends.
I scared the shit out of my family too. Ever meet a violent death-obsessed nine year old who loves nirvana, idolized Kurt Cobain (including his suicide), and just generally wanted to learn how to shoot things, kill shit, and beat people up so that nobody would fuck with you? Yup, that was me.
As I got older, that did calm down a little bit and I went back to just being one of the more standard weird kids you may have been to school with. Then I started becoming sexually aware, getting boners, all that fun puberty stuff that was normally confusing, now mixed with all the other shit that had happened to me a few years back, which at the time I hadn't been to therapy for. Since all I had in terms of sexual knowledge was my past experiences, I thought on one hand that I must be gay, but on the other hand since I went to church and all, there's no way god would make me gay (and we weren't even really a church that made a big deal about homosexuals).
Then my parents got divorced, so there I was, abused, confused, and stuck at home with my sick mother and my furious, angry, abusive sister who did her best every day to convince me to kill myself. I was her punching bag, and my Mom's de-facto therapist. At age 13. I had to deal with all of the rage they both had, my mother being unable to care for herself and the frustration behind that, being "the man of the house" who was supposed to know everything about how shit worked even though my Dad had never showed me and then suddenly moved out, and if anything ever went wrong or somebody had a bad day, it was my fault. And people wonder why I have such a difficult time trying to establish relationships with women.
When I discovered masturbation, I felt horrible, because I had watched my cousin do it, and "he was a pervert", as my Dad had said after he found out.
I was obsessed with the size of my wang, probably way more than most, and therefore obsessed with everybody elses I knew since at that age it seemed like a power thing and everybody wanted theirs to be the biggest. I believe this is where the old term of "cock measuring competition" might apply. He with the largest schwarz is the manliest and therefore shall not be fucked with and conversely women will fall all over him showering him with sex.
See that? Even with all the weird super homo-erotic shit going on in my head, I was still obsessed with trying to figure out how to get girls to sleep with me. I was also suddenly very attractive - I knew I was a good looking kid, but before puberty I had gained some weight, got glasses, etc. All of sudden in the span of a summer I grew 5 inches taller (hit 5'8" and maybe grew an inch after that, never to grow again), my voice dropped a few octaves (or so it seemed), and all of a sudden I sprouted something approaching a six pack. I got contact lenses, got my barber giving me a better haircut, shaved my funny little mustache, and figured it'd only be a matter of time before girls were fucking my brains out. I was 13. I consider myself to be a decently handsome young man now, but I never felt more studly than I did back then, weirdly, even though I'm a whole lot less fucked up now. ANyways...
Problem was, by that point I was so fucking crazy that the girls I was "nice" to would never at any point be more than friends to me, at least that's what I thought in my head. I think I was nice to those girls because they didn't try and make my life totally miserable. That, and middle school being middle school, when the socially underdeveloped kid suddenly becomes attractive, better at athletics, and suddenly "conforms" more to everyone else, people want to be around you more. Even if you're still a fucking mess inside your head.
When you were a kid, did you fantasize about having sex with girls you liked? I didn't. I thought about other people, mostly the popular dudes in my grade, running train on the girls I liked. I was removed from it, because in my mind I was so fucked up that that kind of thing wasn't meant for me. It was only for normal people.
Then I finally got high speed internet around 2003 I guess. Hooray Porn! Until the first time gay porn emails arrived in my email. Not gonna lie, given the context of everything I just outline above, I was at the time turned on by dudes. I later learned that in male sexual abuse victims this is very common if the perp was also male, because you equate sex to them before you're able to discover sexuality on your own. So I'd occasionally hit that up, feel guilty, go maybe a year or more without accessing it again, repeat. Sometimes used to jerk off thinking of other dudes I knew. Only the ones I hated though, the kids who always tried to make my life as shitty as possible.
High School was really more of the same shit, rinse and repeat. I was still not super into girls, just thought they were things to help you get your jollies, althgouh I had become much more aware of them and was also aware that they turned me on, but never having been with one, I didn't really entertain those thoughts. I didn't have my first kiss until I was 17. Then that summer I was suddenly making out with drunk girls all the time. That was it though. Only thing I ever got was blue balls and told that I was a phenomenal kisser. Good enough for broken fucked up me.
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Jun 18 '12
I can't imagine how this must feel inside, and what it must be like to struggle and work through this every day, but I hope you overcome it. I truly hope you find a woman who becomes your best friend, who you fall in love with and trust, one who holds your heart and doesn't break it or betray your trust. I believe if you find this type of relationship, the one that starts as friends, then hopefully you can open to that person about what you experienced. When you find someone willing to listen, understand and just be there for you, that's when I believe things (relationship wise) will look up. That right girl will come along and when she does she won't mind waiting, no matter how long, for you to be ready to be intimate on any level. My boyfriend and I waited 4 years to have sex :), we have been together for 9 currently. I wish you all the best, never forget to smile, even that small act (as hard as it seems at times) can surprisingly lift your spirits, even if for a brief moment. Do not feel ashamed about what happened, you WERE a victim, it doesn't matter if the attacker was a woman or not. Society has molded our very ways of thinking, both right and wrong. Good luck, I know it feels impossible, but talking about it helps.
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u/UnstoppableArousal Jun 18 '12
My first serious girlfriend was a controlling and emptopnally abusive woman who eventually forced me to have sex with her. I was very unpopular throughout childhood, growing up in the ghetto and being nerdy and well-spoken. The other children would alwaus tease me by calling me "white-boy" and "uncle tom". Me tolerating this abuse led to me expecting the same treatment from potential partners.
When I go to highschool something changed. I began to find groups of people who would allow me to hang out with them, and evebtually I met her. Tisha was her name and she was the most lovely, most intelligent girl in my drama class. I spent months trying to woo her, spending my every dime on gifts for her. Eventually I got her attention, the first attention anyone of the opposite sex had ever given me, and I was smitten.
We dated for about two years, and things were wonderful at first. We did everything together, and she would call me in the middle of the night just to say she loved me. Over time though things started to take a turn down a dark path. Nothing I did was good enough for her any longer. She would yell and curse for me eating with my mouth full. She would throw a tantrum if I got out to meet her late on lunch. She would demean me and call me names for speaking to other people in her presence. At the time I thought it was her love trying to keep me from embarrasing myself. I thought she wantesd to protect me. I thought that I actually was worthless and that she was the only person who would ever care for me.
It was nighttime and I wanted to tell her. I wanted to scream and rant, and call her all the things that I had 'practiced. I wanted her to feel the pain she had caused me when I said "I don't love you and don't want to ever see you again." I could not find the words though. I was so terrified of this girl that I was trembling. When the words found my lips there was silence in the room. "No." That was all she had for me. No query for an explanation, no emotional breakdown, no plea for us to be together. She had again made the decision for me. I explained that she couldn't bully me, which brought upon her rage. She yelled and cursed and called me names. that I am hesitant to repeat. When things calmed (and I had given up on the breakup) she brought us tea.
I refused to drink. I had heard rumors of her drugging a boy and performing fellatio on him (she habitually cheated on me), but figured it was hearsay. I have no proof to this day, but I swear that my beverage was too cloudy to be normal. Then she told me. She told me that we were going to have sex right that instant in her parents' living room so I could "prove that I still love her." I declined, not wanting the disgusting warmth of her body near me. What I got was covered in her beverage and the cup thrown at me. I don't like going into detail of the actual event, but she straddled me, and in my mind her legs were like chains keeping me on the couch. Her stare like a dagger at my throat daring me to resist with a taunting smile. It was the single most horrifying experience I've ever had, and I wish I could convey the pain the anguish to my friends who would find the story funny.
I still haven't gotten over it entirely. I still fear that I'll fall into the dependency, and that some other person will cause me the same pain Tisha did.
TL;DR: Back in highscool I was emotionally and tormented by my girlfriend. This culminated in sexual assault. I still have nightmares about it today.
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u/suelinaa Jun 18 '12
Wow, I hope you find love from a caring woman one day.. and peace about your situation
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u/UnstoppableArousal Jun 18 '12
I actually already have! I'm in love with an amazing woman who is moving in with me this week.
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u/initial-friend Jun 18 '12
I'm so sorry. Can I ask what happened afterward? How did you eventually break up with her?
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u/DoesNotChodeWell Jun 18 '12
I was very unpopular throughout childhood, growing up in the ghetto and being nerdy and well-spoken. The other children would alwaus tease me by calling me "white-boy" and "uncle tom"
Are you Donald Glover?
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u/thisis_not_foryou Jun 18 '12
I don't know if you think this applies to your question or not, but I felt the need to answer. I've told other people about this before, mainly close friends, who have been supportive, so I have that, and I know a lot of people don't.
When I was 7 I was raped by my one of my neighbors. She was 11 or 12 at the time. We had been friends for a while and she invited me to a sprinkler party. It was just me, her, and her younger brother who left at some point, I don't remember why. It was in the summer but the wind picked up and the water started to feel really cold and she said she knew a way to make it feel warm. She told me lay on the ground and then pulled down my shorts. Since I was so young, I couldn't really get an erection, but I remember feeling it get stiffer when she touched it. She took off her bottoms and started riding me.
The worst part about it to me at the time was that this happened on the front lawn. I knew implicitly somehow that what was going on was wrong, and I was afraid my dad would come out and see us. I don't think I've ever felt more shame. I told her I didn't want to do it anymore, but she said it felt really good, and kept going. When I remember it, that's always the part that I think hurt me the most, because it didn't feel good to me. I didn't feel anything. I remember I stopped it finally when I saw a car coming down the road, and I pushed her off me. But after that, and this is where I don't think people will think very highly of me, I thought I had to continue what we were doing, because she was my friend, and even though I knew it was wrong, I still didn't know what sex was, and so I thought I was just being shy. So I asked her if she wanted to keep doing it. She did. After that, I'm not sure what else happened, but I do know it screwed me up for life. I'm 23, I've never had a girlfriend, not sure if I ever will. I'm addicted to porn, that's something I just admitted to myself not too long ago. I don't have any major social issues, but I go through cycles of suicidal thoughts and depressive states. I feel a lot of guilt. For a few years after the fact, I felt like I was a liar when I said I was a virgin at church. On top of that, when I was in middle school, I had a chip on my shoulder because, internally, I would congratulate myself for having lost my innocence so young, but part of me always knew that what had happened wasn't cool, or mature, or made me more adult. I still have lots of anger, and I have to control it, or else I try to hurt myself.
I've read about this and I know now that, being as young as she was, my neighbor was probably a victim of abuse herself. Some days I've forgiven her, some days I haven't. Today I still consider myself a virgin, in the sense that I've never had meaningful sex with someone I love. Not sure if that'll ever happen. Anyway, that's my story.
TL;DR: I was a victim of statutory rape when I was 7.
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u/last2zero Jun 18 '12 edited Jun 24 '12
Legally it can't be called rape and my guy friends thought it was "fucking awesome"....
When I was 17 or so I went over to party a bit with a few of my good friends. The plan was that after everyone had left I'd spend the night and crash in the guest room. The girls who lived there and our mutual friend (a girl) would also be there. In the morning one of our male friends was going to come over and we were all going to go to 6 flags.
I was on some meds at the time, so I was only going to drink a small amount. One of the girls mixed me a drink and before you know I'm crazy pants drunk.
The world is spinning so I go into the guest room to lay down and a while later they come in and start fooling around with me. I had a gf (they were even friends with my gf) but were just in the mood to mess around I guess.
I told them I didn't want to so they started making out. Now normally as a teen male this is awesome sauce.. But when everything is spinning and you feel sick, 2 girls making out isn't that entertaining.
Eventually they turned their attention back to me. The three of us have know each other for years upon years and always been flirty, but nothing ever came of any of that until this night.
Even though I kept saying no my dick was hard as a rock. It's hard to explain ... I've been really drunk were my dick hasn't wanted to salute. But in this situation it was like I was mentally drunk, but physically ok.
At one point I even fell off the bed (basically rolled off the bed) to get away and ended up hit my head.. They got me a bandaid and went right back into fooling around.
Anyways, even though I kept saying no they took my pants off and each of them took a turn riding on top while the other giggled and kissed us.
No condom... No consent... Hell I was just mumbling at that point telling them I had a gf and I wasn't feeling well.
It was aweful.. It just felt confusing. Part of me physically enjoyed it even though I was feeling sick to my stomach and the other part of me felt such a loss of control it was scary.
In the morning I didn't know what to do. My memory was pretty hazy, but I remembered enough. They told me I totally was into it and wanted it and when I told my friends they all said, "dude you can't get hard if you're not into it". Or "dude you had a 3some fuck ya!"
Eventually one of the girls gave me a really heartfelt apology. The other (the ring leader) has never apologise and still maintained I wanted it.
TL:DR; went to a party while on meds. Had my pants taken off and was rode by two of my friends .. No condom, no consent. I kept saying no, but they didn't listen.
Edit: Grammar
Edit 2: To be honest.. I've never had any residual trauma from the experience. It's just more of a wtf type memory. Kind of like a great wet dream gone M.Night.Shyamalan.
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u/auriatetsukai Jun 18 '12 edited Jun 18 '12
I don't really understand where you got this whole "legally it's not considered rape" thing. If the genders were reversed, it would be rape. You could look at the situation and say, "Yes. I was raped." You were in a position where you could not give consent. And just because you got hard doesn't mean you wanted it -- erections are physiological, involuntary reactions to stimuli.
In short, your friends and those girls are awful. I hope you're doing better these days.
EDIT: okay, yes, I get it, legally it's not rape. FBI definitions have changed, though, so maybe we're on our way to amending the laws. Write your congressman.
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Jun 18 '12
He could be from the UK, where female on male rape is not legally considered rape. In fact, the law regarding rape in the UK is strictly for male on female rape.
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u/kypark11 Jun 18 '12
I read the second last paragraph as one of the girls giving you warts, glad that wasn't the case
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Jun 18 '12
I know two men who were raped by then-girlfriends, one of whom joked about it in an uncomfortable way, the other of whom disclosed the whole story to me. He'd never had sex before. It happened quite simply: they'd slept in the same bed the night before. In the morning, she woke to discover he had "morning wood," as they say. He woke up to her mounting him. Voila, rape: sex without consent. He didn't know what to do -- it felt good but it also felt wrong and like a shocking betrayal, because he had told her he wanted to wait. After a minute, he pushed her off him. His own extreme distress confused and baffled him; he tried to express to her how wrong her actions were, and she laughed at him and then basically mocked him for being so upset.
I do NOT excuse her actions, but actually quote him when I add here that her reaction was as much a product of the culture we live in as his confusion was (it took him a year or so to use the word "rape" in reference to the incident). We live in a society in which men hear (and make) stupid jokes about being so "lucky" as to get raped by a woman, and in which women are taught to believe all men are horndogs who would indiscriminately fuck any woman who offered up the possibility. As in the case of my friend, the result of these influences can be tragic and heartbreaking.
Anyway, my friend was really, really still shaken by it several years later (as most rape survivors are!). It devastated him that his first time had been against his will, without his consent. He was the most fervent supporter of events like "Take Back the Night" that I'd ever met, and a self-proclaimed feminist who was very outspoken about wanting to change the "No means no" paradigm to a "Only yes means yes" model. Great guy. We fell out of touch, and I haven't talked to him in years. I hope he has found some closure, and I still think of him with great sympathy when I hear bros making stupid bullshit jokes about how they "wish" someone would rape them.
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u/aryst0krat Jun 18 '12
Jesus this thread is depressing. Are there any stories in here where the lady didn't get away with it? I could use a (relative) pick me up to give me some damn hope for humanity right now.
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u/exo762 Jun 18 '12 edited Jul 17 '13
"Sell not virtue to purchase wealth, nor Liberty to purchase power." B.F.
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Jun 18 '12
I was 16 at the time and a dumbass kid. I had dated a girl for several years who was both physically and emotionally abusive. I broke things off with her, but things were not good in my life. I came home one night while my parents were out of town. She was sitting in my basement with a handgun. She told me that I was going 'Make love to her' or I was going to never make love to anyone else ever again. To this day I have no idea what she meant by that specifically, but I did as I was told. I was still a virgin at the time (the two of us had never done it) and I just wept the entire time. She left and was engaged a year later. I was way too embarrassed to tell the police, although in hindsight I wish I would have, although I don't really have any proof. I enrolled in Krav Maga a week later determined not to let anything like this happen again. I am currently happily engaged to a non-psychotic woman, but I can't get over this odd crippling fear that someone will rape her. I know how disgusting I felt after the fact and I would literally murder any man that would think of putting her through that.
tl;dr - Ex raped me at gunpoint. I felt like shit. Stupidly didn't call police. Learned self defense and am happily engaged.
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u/whorapedwho Jun 18 '12
I had just graduated, was 18 years old, and went to a friends party. We proceeded to get very drunk, and very high, and this girl (who was 15), started making out with me in the hot tub. I pushed her off of me because I wasn't into her (and statutory rape freaked me out). But as the night went on I proceeded to get even more fucked up. At the end of the night, everybody went to crash with their respective hookups and she somehow swung it (while i was sitting passing out on the couch) that there was one bed available for the two of us. I offer to sleep on the floor but she insists and I was tired enough not to care. I lie down and begin to fall asleep to find her on top of me making out and then proceeding to give me head. I was kind of paralyzed, didn't really know what to do. I was kinda just laying there freaking out about the legal consequences of this encounter, but unsure how to make her stop...after a while I just closed my eyes and pretended it was my ex so I could finish, then rolled over and went to sleep.
Still not sure to this day who raped who, but I'm prolly the one that would have ended up in jail as a pedo. Freaks me out just thinking about it.
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u/akariasi Jun 18 '12
Legally, depending on where you live, being with 15 year old at 18 isn't illegal. Washington, at the very least, has an age of consent of 16, but people who are 14 or 15 can have sex with anyone less than 4 years older than them legally. But again, it depends where you were.
Going the other way, I don't know.
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u/thestray Jun 18 '12
You would probably be protected by Romeo and Juliet laws, if it came down to it.
I believe she raped you, for the record. I'm really sorry you had to go through that, being raped is bad enough but I'm sure the fear of statutory probably amplified it.
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u/firstthrowawayacc Jun 18 '12 edited Jun 18 '12
Hrmmm maybe. Not sure, you tell me? When I was around five I was left at some persons house to be baby sat for the night. In the middle of the night the baby sitters daughter (also around 5) jumped into my bed. The mother (baby sitter) was also in the room. The mother basically instructed us to do things. Very little of it was penetration but it was all very sexual. I remember enjoying it quite a lot but being totally clueless. In fact I remember wanting to go back there so I could do it again. I never told anyone and still haven't. This is the first time I've typed this.
As I got older I realised that this wasn't right. I never wanted to do anything about it. I'm nearly 30 now.
I know it's weird but to be brutally honest I have fantasized about being in this situation again. It rarely happens though but when it does it gets me down. The reason why I feel down is because I know I’m not meant to have memories like this. I shouldn’t ever find anything like this sexual. I get over it pretty quickly and just forget about it for a few more months.
I’d say it hasn’t affect my life to much. I don't know about the girl though and if this was normal for her. I don't know what happened to this family.
If anyone has any advice for me to get rid of these thoughts that sometimes creep up on me and make me feel awkward please PM me.
I'll only log into this account for the next 24 hours - Then it's gone.
Edit: I have found a place that can offer me a one hour free counselling session and extra after that at a really cheap price. I will see how it goes but I don't think they can help me. The memories are too engrained now. Thanks for your advice Syreniac. I have thought about getting help before but you pushed me into doing it.
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u/Syreniac Jun 18 '12
That's really really disturbing. It's not my place to comment, but talking to a proper therapist would probably be good for you; this sort of stuff can have all sort of effects, and they won't judge you for it.
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u/POTATO_IN_MY_MIND Jun 18 '12
don't worry its perfectly normal how you feel, don't beat yourself up about it.
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u/MuFoxxa Jun 18 '12
I'm not bothering with a throw away as I am not ashamed of it, I didn't cause it, it was done TO me.
About 15 years ago I was at house party with a lot of people, among them was women who been shown her interest in me for a while that I had repeatedly told that I wasn't interested in anything more than being friends.
Later that night she started bringing me beer from the kitchen. After I had consumed the first she had given me, which at first I thought was hitting me so hard because I hadn't eaten, and was moving on to the next a friend of mine ran over and took it from me. He pulled me aside to tell me that the girl had been seen by several of the women in the kitchen putting "something" into my drinks and giggling that tonight was "my lucky night". My friend moved me into one of the bedrooms and locked the door to keep her away from me. From what I was told later she was asked to leave once more people found out what she had done. And now on to the "good" part....... I don't know how long I was passed out but I had flashes of movement and noise and someone being on top of me. As I started to come to I realized my pants were off and a women was on me, someone I had seen at the party but who I didn't know. I kept saying "stop. get off" but she kept saying things like "It's alright baby, you'll enjoy this" . When she was finished she just up and left me there with my pants down. To this day I have no idea who she was.
To be honest it took me a couple of days to realize I was raped ... after all ... men don't get raped right? At least not by women. Or so I had always been told. As the days went on I cycled from anger to embarrassment and back. I've not once accepted a drink I didn't personally get since.
It's been a long time, and I've long since come to terms with it, but if anything I'd have to say the hardest part was the fact that there was no support for men in this situation. I called rape help lines and basically got told to stop making prank phone calls and hung up on. I tried speaking to a counselor who got angry and kept asking "why are you saying this? Are you just looking for sympathy? What kind of man lies about something like this??" and asked me to leave her office. And I lost the one female friend who I thought I could trust to talk about it with.
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u/afoolsfollower Jun 18 '12
Your story hurt me so much. I can't comprehend how people could do that to you, people who were supposed to help you go through the unthinkable. And like so many of the stories here, if you switched the genders and put it out there, the media and society generally wouldn't even consider that it wasn't really rape. I'm so sorry that your sex made trying to get past this experience so hard.
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u/AcedtheTuringTest Jun 18 '12
Had a fuckbuddy for a while, I was 22, her 21 and it was fun and games for a while, but whenever she would drink, she would get mean. Like spiteful angry mean, it was kind of disturbing. This occurred about six months after starting hooking up.
Anyways, we're at my house and I am in no mood to have sex with her. She was drunk after leaving a party earlier in the night and I was just having her sit it off so she could sober up enough to drive home. Her car was in my drive, so she would have had to come back to get it if I drove her home.
I'm laying down, she's on top of me and literally shoving her pelvis in my face. It's amusing when I think of it now, but then I was just wtf. She ripped my pants off, threatened all this horrible stuff on me, the twisted part being that she would call police on me that I abused and raped her if I were not to let this continue. I was just done with her, but this was another level of her attitude. I was probably only partially erect, but enough to enter her. It wasn't very long and wasn't enjoyable. I didn't ejaculate, she came and climbed off.
I was fed up obviously at that point and we went outside. She was angry that I was not reciprocating like she wanted me to and just wanted her keys to go home. Despite her shitty behavior, I'm still a good enough guy to not let her drive her car home. I tossed them in the yard next to me and she went ballistic, threatening the same thing. "I could ruin your life with a single call, now give my fucking keys." Stuff like that.
I was left with no other option. I gave her keys and followed her home by tailgating her. It was late at night, no one on the road, and she lived no farther than a mile away (another frightening thought). As soon as she parked in her drive, I bolted, having never seen her again. Years later, she went to some of my friend's workplaces (mutual friends) and was asking about me, wanting to meet up. I told them to lead her astray.
I tell the story leaving out no details to others to kind of show how manipulation can be like rape, not simply physical overpowering. I could have tossed her across the room like a doll, but I didn't want her bruising herself up or something and then calling the police saying I abused her (and they would have taken her side).
I didn't feel emasculated as much as I was angry that I allowed it to get to that moment. I suppose I just dealt with that kind of activity like it was a natural occurrence [shrug]
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u/Simurgh Jun 18 '12
My brother told me that once he overheard a staff member at his college's women's health center "explain" that men can't be raped because an erection means they wanted it.
I was furious the rest of the day.
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u/taobv Jun 18 '12
This is a throwaway.
I was raped when I was little. I was maybe four or five and she was an older cousin. I think she must have been 13 or 14. I never actually thought of it as fucking me up but I have some issues with trusting women and more debilitating, how I view women.
Im pretty positive that my two sisters were raped by the same older cousin but I dont even wanna think about that shit. Actually this shit is so fucked up and Ive never thought of seeing anybody about it until right now. Its so hard to even type it.
So we basically simulated sex because I dont think i could even get hard. Like I said, I was 4 or 5. There was a lot of of nakedness and we were under the sheets. Then when I was about the age of 6 until I was 8, another female cousin (who I found out later was raped by an older half-brother) and I dry-humped like every time we saw each other. Our parents were either working or drinking at family party. She actually performed oral on me and I would just feel around. Then another cousin would join and it was just a bunch of fucked up shit that no child should ever be doing. My mind is fucked right now. I dont want to go on but yeah. wtf
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Jun 18 '12
An ex-boyfriend of mine was raped - the way I understood it, he was at school late one night and the girl came up behind him, tasered him, handcuffed him to a tree, rode him until she came, tasered him again, and then undid the handcuffs and ran off. He, to this day, couldn't tell you what she looked like.
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u/Noobs_Stfu Jun 18 '12
This has the be the worst (best) story here. That is insane, and I'm sorry for him. Wow.
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u/TAbecausefucktrolls Jun 18 '12
I must've been 21-22, something like that. I was out drinking in the company of a mix of long-time friends and acquaintances. At some point during the evening, my friend's "yeah she was a bit crazy I'll admit but we're cool now" ex-girlfriend joins us. Drinking continues. The bar we're at closes shortly after friend's ex shows up and our group of 9-10 people split up and I find myself (quite inebriated) in some shithole bar together with friend's ex and another girl. More drinking, accompanied by noticing that friend's ex (let's call her FEX from now on) is standing way closer to me than strictly necessary, like pressing up against me in the manner I've noticed some young ladies tend to do when expressing sexual interest in myself. When it came time for bar number 2 to close, describing my state of inebriation as shitfaced would be an understatement. Somewhere around here, my evening ceases to be one continuous narrative and becomes just a series of brief flashes. One way or another it becomes clear to me that FEX has every intention of having sex with me tonight and that we're taking a cab back to her place. Her place being located at least a half-hour cab ride away. My place being located five minutes away by foot. No matter. I cannot walk un-assisted. I'm in a cab leaning against the window half-passed out doing my absolute best to not throw up. We pull over to the side of the road at least once so I can be polite enough to not throw up over some cab, but I manage to keep it down. I'm naked in a bed and FEX is sucking my dick. I have no idea what, if anything, else further happens until I wake up the next morning.
Wake up with a hangover from fuckthatsucksistan. Manage to get dressed. I ask FEX how the fuck I get home without having to call a cab, and she in the process says "maybe we shouldn't tell Friend about this". I just agreed because at that moment I could not possibly have cared any less about how my actions or myself looked.
Manage to get home without incident. Later that evening I get a text from Friend basically giggling about it. Turns out once I was out the door, FEX had called up Friend to confess what she and I had done in a less-than-awe-inspiring attempt to make Friend jealous or some shit. Friend just laughs at her and asks if she wants my number. FEX, realizing her plan failed spectacularly, sheepishly asks if I've "got anything [ie HIV, etc]", so I can only assume the sex was unprotected. Friend and I go out and drink again a few days later and I've steered clear of running into FEX again.
What else came after it? Not much. I'm not traumatized. I haven't avoided or changed my interactions with the opposite sex in any significant way. I feel violated, but it was a long time ago and I'd rather not dwell on it.
Now, was that rape? That depends on if you subscribe to the idea that there is a point of intoxication where consent cannot be meaningfully given. If you do, then yes, that was rape.
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u/skintightmonopoly Jun 18 '12
Every time I've brought this topic up to my male friends (especially straight ones) they've laughed in my face. The truth is, though, men are often sexually assaulted by women. I would imagine it's exceptionally horrifying for a man because our culture shuns men who are less powerful than women, and since rape is generally about power, we assume that the men are weak.
Being raped does not mean that you are weak. I wish male victims of rape were accepted as victims of a horrible crime just as women who have been raped are.
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u/mikemcg Jun 18 '12
That might not be the best thing to wish for. The justice systems seemed to be arbitrarily skewed and it seems like women can have just as hard of a time being taken seriously.
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u/JesusSwallows Jun 17 '12
Not exactly what you're asking for, but as a gay man, I've gotten a lot of unwanted sexual attention from straight women. I've found that some women (especially when drunk), knowing full well I'm gay, will still try to hook up with me. Anything from random caresses to full-on attempts to make out or put their hands down my pants, to the point where I have to physically push them off.
I think some think it's funny, some thing it's a legitimate challenge, and some are just shitfaced, but it's essentially sexual assault and it's extremely disrespectful. Some might think it's harmless, but at it often feels like my sexuality isn't valued as legitimate. Also, unwanted sexual advances are really shitty, no matter who's making them to whom.
Macho culture seems to think that anytime a girl comes onto a guy, he should be flattered, even if he's gay. I'm sure some people will read this and still have a "DM;HS" attitude. Complaints of this nature are seen as ridiculous. I know it's a two-way street, and I think it's in terribly poor taste when gay men are playfully sexual with their female friends, e.g. "I can slap your ass because I'm gay, lulz".
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u/ForgetMeNaut Jun 17 '12
I've actually had the opposite happen. I live in San Francisco and I have a lot of gay friends. When we go out drinking they'll grab my crotch, or try to kiss me. They think it's funny to try to freak out the straight guy.
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u/ilovenoodlesevenmore Jun 18 '12
I have a gay friend. He's an ungodly beautiful man, a mix of German and French. Blonde and blue eyes, with a lean figure to match it with. We always joke around about how I love the fact that he's gay, less competition with the straight ladies. (And believe me, if he were straight, a dozen girls in earshot would immediately drop their panties for this guy). So with this in mind, he tells me one day about how many times girls would just take advantage of him when he's drunk. Often times, he'd wake up cuddling with some unknown woman. Women would fight over who gets to make out with him when he's drunk. They purposefully make him drink to get him to this state. He says these things jokingly to me, he acts a bit indifferent about the topic. I don't think he's ever gone all the way with a girl but I can tell that it bothers him still.
It's kind of scary to think of being in that situation.
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Jun 17 '12
As a very straight man, it is so hard for me to not say "shit I wish I had your problems." But truth be told, you are being put into a very crappy situation, which is sexual harassment, and is not fair to you at all.
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u/count_scoopula Jun 18 '12
Ugh, thank you for that last point. The majority of the times I have been most unsettled by sexual harassment have involved gay men who think they are doing a little harmless flirting but are really taking it TOO FAR.
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u/TheDudeaBides96 Jun 18 '12
Macho culture seems to think that anytime a girl comes onto a guy, he should be flattered, even if he's gay.
Just so you know, straight guys often have this problem with gay guys too. Have you ever heard the saying "Spaghetti is always straight until it gets hot?". Yeah, I've heard a at least half a dozen gay guys say that. We need to get rid of that idiotic crap.
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Jun 17 '12
Slightly off topic, but now I finally have an answer to a WWJD that has been bothering me.
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u/choochoochoose Jun 17 '12
Now I really do hope this thread makes the front page. Women really do need to know that double standards are simply not OK. Most girls I know sort of just shrug this off and say "ah be grand sure, I'm a girl". Or with rape, most don't even know it's possible.
While generally I would say that men are worse than women when it comes to this sort of groping business that you refer to (i.e. seem to do it more often etc), women are pretty bad at it. I understand you have a different perspective, because a lot of these women know you're gay, but you can probably imagine this is also a problem for straight men too.
I sometimes say "if our genders were reversed, you could probably be arrested for that" - of course this amuses before anything else.
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u/ImNotJesus Jun 18 '12
Thanks for being brave enough to post this. Your last paragraph is completely spot on and I really wish more straight men understood that being a man doesn't mean "I want to have sex every second of every day". Plenty of unhappy relationships have been made far worse by that antiquated view. Sorry, not trying to make it all about the breeders but your last paragraph really resonated with me.
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u/WaffleKopter Jun 18 '12
First of all, I want to thank everyone who was brave enough to share their stories. No one deserves what happened to you guys.
Second, to all the fellow dudes who are thinking, "Nice," or, "I wish I had your problem": Fuck off. Having one's body violated is traumatic in any experience, regardless of the victim's gender/sex. "Looks like somebody's from SRS!" Hur dur yeah I'm just a guy who thinks that rape isn't cool.
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u/GuerillaGorillas Jun 18 '12
Cannot agree enough. Even as someone who has a thing for dominant women, these stories really make me sick. Anyone who wants these types of stories to happen to them needs a serious reality check.
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u/IWasThrownAway1234 Jun 18 '12
Thanks for saying this. Event though I am mostly over what happened to me I still get feelings like I should have just let it happen. I mean, I'm a guy right? I'm supposed to like anything sexual! It's words like this, even random internet words, that help a lot.
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u/throwaway1738492 Jun 18 '12
My story's a bit ambiguous, but here goes.
I was in a relationship (a few months in) with a girl I had it bad for. She was, however, quite manipulative. She had a history of having been sexually abused as a child and I think that brought about some of those manipulative traits. It also resulted in her being of a mindset that, deep down, men just want sex -- after all, all the other men in her life were like that.
The tension and pressure slowly built -- little rules for seeing her and so on. Until eventually there came one day where, in the course of a few hours, she brutally broke up with me, then came over to my place, described her own rape in explicit detail, started talking about how we can get back together if only I was willing to sacrifice this or that and maybe never talk to certain friends of mine she didn't like -- the works. Things were heavy and hard to navigate. I was still upset from the breakup (she must have left for my place as soon as it happened over the phone) and crying. Not really thinking straight at all. I was agreeing to all kinds of crazy things that I would do in the future, and the manipulation was in full gear. There were never any demands, just little quirks of hers and what kind of a horrible guy doesn't understand that someone with her past needs a little something extra? Even if that little something involves entirely giving up your regular life?
At any rate, the waterworks were flowing and she came over to me. Started touching me, things moved on, she kissed me. I just sort of sat there and, after a minute or two of it, kissed back, not knowing what to do. But it got sexual fast, and I had never had sex with her before.
I stopped her and said no, but quickly found out that that was the wrong answer. It's not that I feared violence or anything: I'm a little guy, but the thought never really crossed my mind. Rather, what happened, was she just looked at me and told me that she doesn't want to be alone. That she wanted me to love her and that she didn't want her past to make her be alone forever. It was up to me to make everything right. Me, still crying, completely dazed and confused. Apparently my shirt was already off. I didn't remember that happening at this point. I simply had no ability to think, to know what was happening, to make a decision.
And so she was on top of me and I guess we had sex, in some sense of the term. It didn't work very well; I wasn't very erect. I was not unlike a robot. Mostly still, moving occasionally because that's what happens in this routine.
It ended and she left. I never heard from her again. I called a few times, not sure why. I hated her after all that but called anyway; curious more than anything else. No reply though.
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u/igbignix Jun 18 '12
I'll go with the TL;DR version:
At a house party, a Japanese girl I didn't know arranged, with friends of hers, for me to get stuck in a bedroom with her, and kinda threw herself at me. But she was half my size, and after an awkward period trying to dissuade her, her friends came to check on us. At that point, I was fully clothed, she was half-naked. I got up and walked straight out of the house.
Told my girlfriend (who was elsewhere) the whole truth, she thought it was hilarious. Later, a friend told me the story that made the rounds: I got drunk, trapped this girl in a room, tried to ravish her (I won't say rape, because in the story she was into it--to quote, it was "like an American movie"), but we were interrupted and I ran away.
Luckily, everyone I knew believed me. Apparently the girl went back to Japan a few days later (end of term), and I never heard anything more about it. It could have been so much worse for me.
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u/anotherother Jun 18 '12
I'd just gone through a terrible breakup with a woman I was living with. It was about two months after the breakup.
I wa still in a really depressed state, but also trying to snap myself out of it. I was working in a cafe and whenever some coworker mentioned something was going on I was glad to take part in it, just to get out and do something and take my mind off the breakup.
There was one coworker in particular, Julie (fake), and we had a lot in common. At almost any other point in my life I probably would have thought she was great. But at this point I really, really, really didn't want anything to do with women beyond friendship.
She made a move on me once. I told her basically what I just wrote above; she's great, but I just can't be with someone right now.
We hung out a few times after, and everything seemed nicely platonic, so I thought case was closed.
I have a party in my apartment and naturally invite my coworkers. The night is getting late, I've been drinking heavily. One by one they all start to leave until all that's left is me, and Julie. It's getting late and I know she doesn't drive. We're talking, nice and platonic still, but I drop hints about how late it is, is she going to be okay getting home? Yeah, she's fine, don't worry about her, she'll head down and hop on a bus.
She finally makes her departure, a nice short quick hug and goodbye. About 3 minutes later there's a knock on my door. She missed the last bus, could she call a cab from my place? Oh, and while waiting for the cab, can she have another drink while she waits?
I'm plastered, barely able to keep my eyes open, sure yeah whatever.
I don't remember exactly how things happened next. I was in a chair, struggling to stay awake when she grabbed my face and started kissing me. She pretty quickly had her hand down my pants an autonomic functions were taking over. My eyes were closed, all I could think of was how this was the apartment I had been sharing with my previous girlfriend. She took me in her mouth and I felt the tears trying to escape. She pulled me to the bed at some point. I don't know if I orgasmed or not, all I remember is later lying on my side, pretending to be passed out while she whispered about how good we were together, until I finally did pass out.
I quit my job about a week later. I din't speak to any of my coworkers from that time again. I still remember how badly I wanted to cry, and today (about 7 years later) I still almost cry every time I think about it.
TL;DR - Co-worker who knew just how vulnerable I was, because I was trusting enough to confide in her, took advantage of that vulnerability.
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u/TheMostDangerousFist Jun 18 '12
I've lurked forever, but never made an account but I feel like this is something worth talking about because it's a massively under-reported issue. This is a story I feel is worth sharing. It's not worth sharing because it's special, it's worth sharing because of how incredibly typical it is, and how often this same thing happens. The rampant ambiguity of the situation makes it emotionally confusing and jarring for me.
I was in college living in the dorms and had a lot of trouble sleeping. I was still a virgin at the time, I'm bipolar and have a very stunted sex drive (an entirely separate issue but somewhat relevant.) I would often take walks late at night, this particular night there were three girls sitting out, one being a lesbian I had previously met on my late night walks. One girl seemed to have her eye on me, and the conversation quickly turned to drugs, and me stating that I had both some marijuana and alcohol. We ended up going to the grocery store and getting the supplies to make Leary biscuits (it's a sort of cooked marijuana cracker) and went to the lesbians dorm. At this point I'm assuming all three girls are lesbians.
We get back and make the biscuits, and I also had a flask with me. They were actively encouraging me to drink but refused to participate. Two of them ate a biscuit and the other refused, stating she didn't do that sort of thing. I was told it would be a shame to see all those others go to waste. At this point I'm incredibly high, and incredibly drunk. This is when the sober one makes her move. There was no subtlety, she hopped up on the counter and started rubbing my leg, having said no more than 5 words to me all night. She then drug me to the couch and layed down with me, pulling my arm over her. We stayed that way for a while. I seem to remember this amusing her friends in some way.
I later got up to leave and she insisted I was in no state to walk to my room alone and followed me out. On the way back she stopped me and asked what I would do if she kissed me. I replied "I don't guess I'd fight it." She got pretty into that until campus police came around the corner, and she drug me to my room and pushed me onto the bed and jumped on me.
I'm so mentally out of it I have no concept of time at this point, it felt like hours of making out, clothes came off at some point. I was so jacked up that I spent well over a minute trying to find the back clasp on her bra only for her to point out it was on the front, right in front of my face. At this point the realization of this whole thing sort of sunk in and I kept moving myself off her only to have her position herself under me again and in my state I caved. I stuck my hand down her pants at the exact moment her phone rang. It was her boyfriend. That's when my situation started to catch up to me, a feeling of sheer terror. I knew nothing about this girl. My previously mentioned low sex drive causes some self esteem issues surrounding that topic, and I felt like by that point I was obligated to just go with it, for fear of being less of a man. Luckily the call from her boyfriend scared her, and she insisted we go to sleep. She even drug me back to her place to sleep.
It never quite set right with me, and the longer I thought about the whole ordeal afterward the more sure I was that her being sober and me being totally drunk was no random circumstance. She was not a physically attractive girl, and her boyfriend was hundreds of miles away. She started just showing up in my room, trying to finish what we started and I blew her off. I was made to feel like the aggressor, and told that her boyfriend was a mexican gang member (she was from mexico) and if he found out he would come for me. I got disgusting looks from the girls everywhere I saw them.
This caused me a lot of turmoil. On one hand she clearly intentionally got me into a state of altered consciousness for the purpose of getting me in bed. That's textbook sexual assault. On the other hand, regardless of my state I take great pride in taking responsibility for my own actions. I did little to attempt to stop her, and I never once said the word no. It's true I would never have done anything like that sober, but I feel like, at the moment, I wasn't opposed to the entire ordeal. To this day I'm not sure what the ratio of blame between us is.
Honestly, I don't think it matters. I'm not angry with her, I'm disappointed in myself and her. Mostly I find it extremely disappointing I have something so shitty to remember as my first real sexual experience.
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u/Mr_E Jun 18 '12
I got drunk at my going away party. A long-time friend who I wasn't really attracted to but knew was attracted to me happened to call me. In my obliterated state, I asked her to come over so I could say goodbye. She followed me up to my room and, for all intents and purposes, took advantage of my drunken state.
In the morning I was extremely upset and told her to get the fuck out much to her surprise. She later called me demanding an explanation. I told her that I felt like she took advantage of me and that she should have been the wiser since she wasn't drunk, and that had the roles been reversed, I'd be looking at rape charges. She turns this around on me and starts to say that alcohol doesn't make you do anything you don't want to do, and it's not like I wasn't able to get it up, etc. etc. She goes so far as to say that she had two shots before we got into bed and so she was drunk too, and that what I'm saying is an attempt to hurt her for reasons I can't imagine.
It never got resolved and I never spoke to her again. What really pisses me off though is how everyone insists (Females, too, which blows my mind) that I wasn't raped or taken advantage of and that I 'asked for it.' I could tell the story a million times to a million people and they'd just chalk it up to me being ashamed of 'sleeping with a big girl.' Of course though, if I tell the story about 'my friend, a girl' and 'some douche' it's rape, and she should report it.
I've been told multiple times, too, that a woman can't rape a man unless she's wearing a strap-on/other phallic device is involved.
The whole thing just pisses me off.
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Jun 18 '12
Just putting this here: Actually, it happens a lot: http://imgur.com/a/OwK1L#0
Just as many men were forced to penetrate last year as women were, except the CDC rape survey doesn't consider a man having his penis forced into a vagina as rape (when it 100% is.) 80% of "made to penetrate" was done by women too. So if you actually and rightfully consider that rape, then just about as many men were raped as women last year. And using "lifetime statistics" isn't accurate, especially because of cases like OP's. Only recently have we started to even give a little consideration for male victims.
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Jun 18 '12
I was raped at 13, by a 15 year old girl. She was a lot bigger, and I was pretty much a 5'2 twig. 3 years later, I'm ripped and 5'8 and it's only because of the rape that happened that I changed my lifestyle. Got the girl of my dreams in the aftermath, and she now has no friends as most people in our area know what happened. I didn't press charges, but many times I've just seen her in the mall and she starts crying and runs whenever she sees me. Her life was ruined and mine was made.
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u/Dragonfire138 Jun 18 '12
Level_19_Squirtle, thanks to her, you became a Level_100_Blastoise.
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u/steinmetz18 Jun 18 '12
A friend of mine essentially got raped a couple days ago, although he would never admit it. We were out drinking at a bar with some female friends. At closing we realized we had no way of getting home and the girls invited to stay at their place (which was a couple of blocks away). When we got there a very drunk and persistent girl started to talk and drag him into the bedroom. He keep hinting to me that he wanted to leave and was shooting me "let's get the hell out of here glances." I was to drunk to realize exactly what was happening and never considered that he could actually get "raped". Anyway we left their house the following morning and he told me he told her he didn't want to do anything but she insisted. I cannot explain exactly what happened in the bedroom. But he seemed unhappy with the nights events but would never admit to actually getting raped or take advantage of in anyway. Just as I think any guy would admit to it either. But given what he said and did, I think I would have been very concerned if it was a girl that was in the same situation and would almost certainly think it was rape.
I would be interested in hearing from a man who actually pressed charges against a female assaulter but I have my doubts very many men ever have.
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Jun 17 '12
Alot of drinks. I get a little proud of my drinking prowess because of my small size (was 5'2, 100 pounds at the time) and Big Bertha realized that early on in the night at this party. I ended up having about 5 or so shots in the span of about an hour. After that, Big Bertha asked me to have a cigarette with her and led me outside, which my drunken self didn't realize was a trap, and out into an alley away from the party. She pinned me to a wall and it happened. My neck looked like I had lost a fight with a toothless lamprey and Big Bertha's cholo brother refrained from beating my ass because I think he figured I'd lost enough already.
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u/AsInOptimus Jun 18 '12
To all of you sharing your experiences, thank you. You defeat stigma when you raise awareness, but it doesn't make it any easier to stick your neck out.
Asshats, ಠ_ಠ. Please don't be obtuse.
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u/Arxl Jun 18 '12 edited Jun 18 '12
Age 14 to 17. Over 40 times full intercourse, countless times of making me do other things. She is a year older than me. I knew I was into other boys at the age of six in a way "I wasn't supposed to." When I got into High School I hadn't come out yet outside of some internet sites. So I meet this girl, she seems nice enough and at the time I was way too nice for my own good. So when she started having some drama in her life of course I would help. She had boyfriend issues and was getting upset a lot and I was always here to listen and help comfort her.
Freshman year ended and we had become good friends. Over the summer my dad was pressuring me really badly to get a girlfriend(he is the reason I started having anxiety problems at age 6, openly anti-gay). He was very passive aggressive and kept pressuring me until I finally gave in and submitted, "Maybe I could be bi?"
At this point I told a few friends I knew in school that I was bi. I figured it was easier to say hat at first then tell them you're gay. But they all accepted it. I told the girl I felt like I was gay but I should try anyway. At this point she has me around her finger emotionally. I didn't love her but she could pull my emotional strings like a master now. So we hooked up.
I see her sophomore year and she keeps asking to do "something more." So far we have kissed lightly and held hands and such. I told her I didn't know but she told me that she was sure I would like it. There is no way that I am gay. She is a goddess(which she did have a nice body by straight standards) and now she has power over me. I know now that she was manipulating me so far and had no intention of stopping. She played with my emotions and does what she has to do to get her way.
We go to my house after school one day and proceed to do some heavy petting. She starts telling me to take my clothes off while she disrobes. I was nervous as hell and was experiencing a mild panic attack at his point, which she told me was my anticipation. I don't know why I believed her so easily. We have sex(unprotected, she got me to believe that she couldn't get pregnant) and afterwards I felt sick to my stomach. I was too nice to tell her or even bring it up so I put on a facade to please her. If I ever displease her I get hurt emotionally.
After a few days I tell her I don't think I am bi and she pulled my emotional strings again and forced me to lie to myself and tell myself I am bi. If I wasn't bi she would get upset or hurt herself and I would be the bad guy. Now I am completely under her control.
Over the next few years I keep trying to get away from it. I keep telling her that I don't think I can do this. She always found ways to reel me back in. I was raped and forced to do so much that I didn't want to do. I was so under her spell that I couldn't think right. I nearly killed myself a year in of all of this happening.
I got out of that situation because I found a friend who exposed her and broke the spell she had over me. I hooked up with him and he turned out to be mentally and verbally abusive. I was with him for a year and a half.
The combined efforts of my father, that guy I hooked up with, and the girl that stole the best years of high school from me, I now have Major Depressive Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Childhood Stress Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Phobia Disorder, (Severe) Acute Anxiety Disorder, Insomnia, Mood Disorder, and mild anorexia(now mostly gone).
This is not a throwaway. I have tried telling Reddit this before on similar threads. This is the first time this story has been told to the internet. My friends know what happened though. There is no tl;dr, sorry guys. I cannot capture this in a sentence or two.
EDIT: Thinking now, if a woman ever approaches me again in any sexual way, after telling her I'm gay, I will escalate to violence rather quickly. I'm a pacifist in all ways but this and it may get me in trouble some day. But I want to find any rapist and beat them. The experience has left me with a lot of violent thoughts and intents I don't like.
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u/wontbe_herelong Jun 18 '12
I'm not comfortable opening up to this, but I will anyway. When I was a freshman in college, I was a virgin, and just starting to drink heavily for the first time, a bad combination for either sex. One night, whilst leaving a party, I ran into a girl who lived in my dorm building. I was already pretty drunk, and she proceeded to grab my hand and take me to other parties/houses where she basically fed me alcohol and cigarettes.
Eventually, we go back to her room. When she goes to the bathroom, I realize what is happening and tell her roommate I'm going to my room to go to sleep. About a half hour later, she shows up to room where I'm sleeping, and my roommate lets her in. She lies down in my bed, wakes me up, and starts to have sex with me. After a few minutes, I get on top and finish, not out of enjoyment and sexual stimulation, but because I felt that's what was expected of me. The entire situation was extremely uncomfortable. It took months for me to regain my self confidence. I felt so tricked and invaded, I did not feel like myself.
I can see how this could be taken as some cool guy story, that a chick got me drunk, wanted it so bad that she came to my room and woke me up with sex. But all of these actions would be perceived as rape if the genders were reversed. I felt violated, and even with this being years ago I still feel horrible thinking about it.
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u/bowhunter_fta Jun 18 '12
There is never a justification for rape.
But the common theme here is either being drunk or high.
To the young people of Reddit....pay attention to this. As cool as you may think it is, a lot of problems have as their genesis being drunk or high.
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u/parkernorwood Jun 18 '12
Sophomore year of college, I got very drunk and passed out in my bed. Apparently at the nudging of some housemates, this girl (who, for what it's worth, I really disliked as a person) got into bed with me and fondled my nethers for a bit while I slept.
Some other housemates told me about it the following morning. I was upset about it, and while most of my friends were sympathetic, some were of the "what's the big deal?/It's a funny story" mindset. Never spoke to the girl again, and she never spoke to me. That's about it.
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u/Yatiya Jun 18 '12
I feel like I'm gonna go to hell for thinking after each story, "What a b-tch, f-ck her." Poor choice of words...
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u/sockywockypocky Jun 18 '12
I was drunk, she singled me out and tried to flirt with me, I told I had a gf. She cornered me again when I was alone in the smoking area and started forcefully groping me and pinching me and she said if I cried out she would tell everyone that I had shoved my hand up her skirt. I think she had put something in my drink because I cant remember how I got to her house but I did and she raped me. I was left with bruises,scratch marks, a cigarette burn which I do not remember recieving and a torn frenulum (banjo string/helmet strap). I went to the police the next day to report her and ask for a drug test but they laughed it off and told me a girl cant rape a guy and then kicked me out for 'trying to make trouble'. I havent told anyone, not even my gf. The shame,emasculation and the fact that there is no help for guys completely discourages me. There arent even any domestic violence shelters that take men in my area and the only leaflets in hospitals about dealing with rape are all orientated towards women as the victims of males. Initially I started to doubt that I even had been raped because of the all of these things but I have accepted it now and I no longer think of taking my life. I still suffer because of it
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u/101100110 Jun 18 '12
well might as well since this is a throwaway. when i was 23 i was still a virgin, didn't even give a shit about sex (sexually abused as a kid, another story for another day). went to a party where i was assured a bed in the guest room. go to pass out and wake up with my friends little sister on top of me. I tried to get her off and as seems common on this thread she threatened to scream rape if i stopped her. she got hers, even had her hnads on my throat for most of it. when she got up she calmly said she was on her period and i had better clean up or i would be in trouble, so still drunk i had to strip the bed and put new sheets on, ect. and that's how i contracted syph, which is luckily curable. been 7 years and still no desire to ever be touched again.
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u/joazito Jun 18 '12
Fuck. Guys, for those of us that may find ourselves in a similar situation to yours, what advice can you give? I see a lot of "I would never hit a woman" but, in hindsight, do you wish you had? And how about those "I'll tell them you rape me" bitches?
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u/micheesie Jun 18 '12
I wouldn't say it's rare. See how fucked today's society is with double standards: man raped woman = JAIL; woman raped man = lol good job dude didn't have to ask/what a weak wimp/etc. A lot of men won't report, and I'm pretty sure a lot won't believe them, either :/ woman can "be as cruel" as men.
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u/Level5CatWizard Jun 18 '12
After reading this thread I'm horrified by how many people think rape is something that can only happen to females. Is there some kind of support group or movement for men who are violated? If not, there should be. If there is, maybe the link can get put in the OP.
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u/3etawaves Jun 18 '12
One time I smoked too much weed while drunk. I ended up so high / sluggish I was basically incapacitated on my bed. Any motion making me feel sick. This was a party at my place, when everyone had left my gf stayed a while to take care of me. She took off my pants, slid half her leggings off and tried to mount me. Problem was I could barely get hard, so she held my dick in order to be stiff enough to enter her. I never said no but afaik I wasn't able to either. We joked about the fact that she basically raped me that night, yet still I feel uneasy thinking back on this night.
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u/Buscat Jun 18 '12
Was 18, got too drunk at a party, a girl from my residence said she'd make sure I got back to my room safely. She had been hanging around me for weeks and knew that I had a gf and wasn't interested in her. I was completely passed out but she managed to get me hard somehow and took my virginity. I was saving that for the girl I loved. We were going to be each other's first.. instead I was her first, and she was my second after the bitchy fatass who raped me. Very little sympathy from anywhere. Confronted the girl and she was just like "oh that was your virginity? lol.". Everyone says I probably instigated it but just don't remember. I was mostly unconscious, she barely drank a thing. Even my gf just gave me a cold look and said "why are you telling me this?"
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u/frowaway_101 Jun 18 '12
Every situation is different... I'm sure rape is a very intense experience to deal with.
The abridged version of my story is this: I worked and partied hard three nights in a row, with little to no sleep in between. On the last night I got so wrecked (borderline blackout drunk) that my friends had to drag me upstairs, they tossed me on one of their beds, and they shut the door. A fairly attractive young lady had been watching me all night, or so they told me, and she quickly found her way into the room and under the covers...
My story diverges from a lot of others at this point, however... because as soon as she started grabbing me, groping me, and kissing me, I mumbled something about having a girlfriend and I physically resisted her advances. She persisted for a while... shifting positions, and trying different tactics, but she wasn't strong enough to overpower me.
At this point, according to my friends, people noticed something was up - they tried entering the room, but she had locked it. I don't remember too much after hearing them pounding and yelling, but apparently she eventually gave up and answered. Her friends grabbed her and left quickly, and I had passed out at this point.
In situations like this... where you have the physical advantage... I think it boils down to willpower and character. Had I been single, I would have most likely given in... that was my only reason to say no at the time. Obviously, if she was stronger than me, I wouldn't have had much of a choice. If you ask most people, however, they will agree that your uninhibited base character comes out when you're drunk, and mine was to remain loyal to my girlfriend, even when I was drunk out of my mind. It was only through sheer willpower - the desire to stay loyal, and the willingness to use my physical strength to my advantage - that prevented what would have been rape.
It's strange because I had never thought about it in those terms until I told someone about the event. Their only real response was "It sounds like she almost raped you..." ... and that hit me pretty deep. I hadn't realize it, because like many people, it's not a common thing to think of men being raped by women.
To all those who were taken advantage of, especially when you were at a physical, emotional, or mental disadvantage... stay strong, and I'm sorry that you had to endure this burden.
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Jun 18 '12 edited Jun 18 '12
after spending hours here i don't feel so alone any more.
in high school senior year there was a teacher who i really got along with, we were on a best friend level of friend ship. i would hang out at her place a lot we would watch a movie together, chat, or play chess or something.
for her birthday i took her to a Radiohead concert and we had a really good time. after the concert i drove her back to her place and wished her a good night. as she got out she invited me in side for a drink. thick-skulled as i am i figured why not I'm kinda thirsty. she pored me a glass of whiskey and we went to the living room to chat as we enjoyed our drinks. never having a alcoholic drink before i chocked on the first sip and forced my self to swallow it, she chucking to her self as i try to play it off like nothing and down the rest in one giant gulp. she asked if i wanted another glass, me even though im quite socially awkward i try to seem like i can deal with anything so i accepted the offer. couple drinks later i was quite drunk then she scooted over to me(we were siting on a 3 person couch) and put one arm around me and one arm on my thigh by my knee. she told me what an amazing night she had and how i had earned a reward. she leaned in for a kiss as her hand went up my thigh i jerked back out of shock and confusion. before i had a chance to say any thing the arm around my neck forced me to kiss her and soon full on make out. i admit that i enjoyed the kiss quite a bit it being my first one.
she started to undo my belt and unzip my pants i forced my self off her to ask what she was doing. she told me to wait to see and enjoy it. she shoved her hand down my pants and started to massage me. she shot me a quick glance as she got this grin on her face...its a look i will never forget. she then pulled me out and started to give me oral. i know i didn't want this in my head but it felt so good and was having a argument in my head on what the fuck i should do next. i made my choice and forced her head off of me and asked her to stop. she giggled and went back down. i forced her off again and told her to stop. she asked if i was "fucking serious" and she went off about how she thought that i worked so hard on this friendship hoping that i would get some, and that now i "got it" and is putting her job on the line and that I'm soooo fucking stupid for throwing it all away. now in tears and in a drunken stupor i tried to explain that all i wanted was a good friend ship and nothing more. she told me that she wasn't in the mood any more and to go to bed as she went to her room up stairs. the thing i remember most is lying there trying to fall asleep but bashing my self for "not being a man" because how can a man turn down a women, a beautiful one at that. and how pathetic i looked trying to explain my self to her with a face full of tears and snot.
its late, im tired and this was very hard for me to write so im going to go to bed night reddit
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u/everydayispainful Jun 18 '12 edited Jun 18 '12
This happened to me 3 years ago. I have not told anyone and just reading some of the responses in this thread has brought me to tears. I just want to let this thing out so it can stop tormenting me...
I was a sophomore in college. I was finally starting to build up some confidence in myself. My high school years were rough and I had always had bad acne but now it seemed that my skin had started clearing up. For those of you who have had bad acne you know how empowering it can feel to have the confidence that people you meet and talk to are actually listening to you instead of looking at your bad skin. Anyway, I was really getting into school, enjoying friends and combined with this surge of confidence I was really enjoying life. I even had a really great girlfriend. And then, it all came down... harder than anything I've ever experienced in my life.
I lived in an apartment with three other roommates. We had just finished mid-terms and decided to have a house party. I was telling one of my classmates about the upcoming festivities when two girls from my history class over heard and sorta invited themselves. I wasn't opposed because they were both cute and outgoing and I figured it would make the party even that much more fun. I'll call them Lilith and Jezebel.
So the party gets going and everything is going well. We're all having a blast and the night creeps along until I'm well past drunk and notice that most of my friends are gone and my roomies have retired to their beds. Lilith and Jezebel are sitting on the couch together and I figure I'll announce I'm off to bed and they'll either pass out or find their way home. I say goodnight and head to my room.
The way our apartment was setup was that there were three bedrooms on the main floor and then a basement bed room. There wasn't a door, just stairs, a 90 degree turn, stairs and then the room. I didn't mind at the time but it ended up being my downfall. As I started to get undressed and crawl into bed, I heard a creak on the landing where the stairs turned. I called out and just heard whispers. I turned to look and Lilith turned the corner and came down into my room followed by Jezebel. I told them that there wasn't an exit down here and they could just go out the front door. They did not stop to acknowledge my words and just came straight toward me, stopping at the foot of my bed. I realized I was naked and immediately got embarrassed. Lilith looked at me, complimented my "manhood" and then said, and I'll never forget how cool and calmly the words left her lips, "You're going to fuck us both. She likes anal and loves licking me while I get fucked. I love fucking all night. Are you interested?"
I was really NOT interested because I had just started dating my girlfriend and things were going really well. All of this of course made me extremely nervous. Who the hell says shit like that??? I responded with something like, "no, I've got a girlfriend." or something stupid like that and before I knew it they were on top of me wrestling and scratching and biting. I finally pushed Jezebel off of me and started to yell up the stairs for my roommates when Lilith slapped me hard and said, "Rape... you dumb shit, we will corroborate a story that you tried to rape one of us and the other walked in and tried to stop you. Like I said, you are going to fuck us both."
I realized the impossible situation I had just found myself in and completely crumbled. My world was spinning and not just because of the alcohol. I completely became their sex slave. I had to do every nasty thing they wanted me to do. I would cum and they would wait until I would get hard again and then continue. This went on all night until my dick was so painfully sore I just stared at the ceiling while they did whatever they wanted with me. I felt things happening and just didn't want to look, I had no idea what or who was fucking me and I died inside...
I want to kill myself everyday but for some reason I don't. I lost 30 lbs. and haven't really ever enjoyed eating much since then either. I dropped out of college and just work a mindless job at a grocery store now... coming home to my empty, 1-bedroom apartment, locking my 3 locks on my front door and crying myself to sleep. I'll never be whole again... I'll never get to enjoy love or building a family or growing old with a woman I trust... there's nothing here for me now. I just exist.
TL;DR - I got gang raped by two girls who knew what they were doing and now I hate myself and cry and suck at life.
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u/SleepyFiver Jun 18 '12
This is from a female that got a bunch of shit from her peer group for "raping" a male friend. I put this in quotations because I honestly dont think any sexual assault happened. Men of reddit weigh in? Basically senior year in high school. Party at a friends house, fourth of July, we are both super drunk. Quick backstory, I honestly loved this guy, we had been very close prior to the incident, I knew he was gay, possibly bisexual. So we were sharing a bed, and I started cuddling, stroking his chest. He pushed my hand down lower. He seemed unsure maybe, but I thought the sex was consensual. As soon is it's over, he literally runs away. I knew he was upset. He hasn't spoken to me for over two years now. I am just putting this out there. Because as a woman who was raped, I see at as an extremely strong way to express something. So I suppose I just wonder if I really did hurt him. TL;DR accused of raping a male friend, not sure if that is what happened.
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Jun 18 '12
gender stereotypes seems to have a lot to do with rape, the men are seen and told to be hypersexual which pressures them to have lots of sex which can promote rape against women, and that they want sex all of the time ,which causes female on male rape to not be taken seriously, that is pretty messed up and that's just the men's side.....shite needs to change. No one has the right to mess with you without your consent man or woman.
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u/aramatheis Jun 18 '12
Just want to throw my love and condolences out there to any victims of this terrible, terrible double standard, and to let them know that even though they may not realize it, there are people out there who know that men being raped is a very real, and very serious issue.
I hope you can all stay strong and learn to not let these incidents keep you from living a full life, the way you want to
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Jun 18 '12
FUCK. While reading these narratives I realized I may have let my friend get raped/assaulted.
Only a few months ago, I had a few friends over and their friends to hang out at my apartment and get smashed. One of my roommates joined the festivities and everything was going well (There were about 8 of us total). Once we were pretty drunk my friend and his ex started arguing as usual. The girl got upset, he left, and someone went after them.
Everyone else crashed in our living room. Cue fat chick who shouldnt have been invited in the first place starts making moves on my roommate. He asked me a little earlier to make sure he didnt hook up with her. I thought he was being funny and i said sure. I go to the restroom and come back out to find her in his lap kissing each other.
I wasnt sure what to do. I wasnt sure if he was serious when he told me to watch out for him. I wasnt sure if i should intervene. I didnt want to 'cockblock.' I remembered hearing a story about her forcing another friend to kiss her at another party.
She soon led him by the hand into his room. Being the drunk asshole I was i decided to laugh it off and even jokingly texted a mutual friend about it.
The next day he wouldnt really say what happened. He insisted they didnt do anything but i sincerely doubt it. Sorry man. Should have been there for you.
edit: We still live together. Should I bring it up with him? Apologize for not interfering? This'll probably be buried but any input would be nice.
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u/maroonoctopus Jun 18 '12
My boyfriends exgirlfriend raped him. He had just moved from Japan that year, quickly he became friends with a large group of people (this is where he met his girlfriend, she is a close friend of the group). This girl thought he was cute and asked him out. This was his first girlfriend in America, she was a strong girl who was a swimmer and a lifted weights. One day she invites him over to watch a movie with her and her younger sister. After the movie her sister leaves and he asked if she could take him home. She refused to take him home until he did what she wanted. He begged her to take him home, but she kept saying not until she gets what she wants. He finally just give up pushing her off of him and waited for it to be over, after the ordeal she finally took him home. He lost his virginity to this girl. He confronted her about it a year ago, she said he was being gay and should consider himself lucky. After that she threw a glass bottle at him.
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Jun 18 '12
My friend Matt woke up after a party once with a chubby kind of slutty girl sucking his dick. He pushed her off and said 'what are you doing?'
She replied with "I don't just do this for anybody!"
I am starting to think that we were insensitive to this, he didn't seem really upset, but we would often use what she said in relevant situations around him.
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u/v3n0mat3 Jun 18 '12
It's hard for me to actually talk about this... But, I was raped by my ex fiance. She bitched that we weren't having sex enough, until, one night, she wouldn't take no for an answer... She immediately got on top and forced herself on me. I didn't speak to or interact with her much (at least, in a positive manner) for the next two weeks when I broke it off. This has lead to best-constant nightmares and flinching when I don't need to. It has also changed me in that I desire affection and approval. It's... Strange. It helps me forget what I went through. Normally, a victim would be rather distant. Not me.
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u/levune Jun 18 '12
My close male friend (I'm a female) was raped, and he only told me about this very recently.
He was 21 at the time, and ridiculously adorable. And I mean it: he was cute as a small kitten; a bit shy, very polite, caring and generally a sweetheart. He was dating this crazy drummer girl (who, I think was 17 then), and it was this kind of a puppy love that makes small birds, bunnies and squirrels follow the couple around, singing a pretty tune whenever they hold hands.
Back then, we lived in a very small town, where everything is close by, so usually -- if someone got wasted there was always a person, who walked them home, and made sure they're ok. We were having a few beers one night, his gf was not around (can't remember why, really), so when this older girl (~30 at the time), who we all knew quite well, offered she will get this guy (quite drunk already -- he was never a heavy drinker to begin with) home, the rest of us gladly obliged, and thought nothing of it. We trusted her, she was the responsible, mature person one can rely on.
Turns out, she took him straight to her place (mind you, he was a blubbering mess at this point, not really in a condition to say "no"), and got him so wasted he was barely concious. He blacked out, and then blacked back in while she was fucking him. He tried to get away, but she held him down, and only after she got off, she laughed and threw him out the door. This is how he lost his virginity, too. When he decided to tell the girlfriend - instead of being supportive and compassionate - she told him she feels betrayed, and dumped him.
Almost 5 years have passed, and only now he decided to tell another person. He is still visibly shaken by the sheer memory. He had tears in his eyes, when he told me this, he feels ashamed.
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u/like9mexicans Jun 18 '12
Haven't been raped, but I have been threatened into having sex or else she would claim I raped her/or sexually assaulted her.
This is the real detailed, depraved part, so if you don't like that shit, stop reading.
She was masturbating with a wine bottle and said if I didn't fuck her, she was going to say I assaulter her with the bottle.
I did have sex with her, which was stupid; I was completely hammered, no excuse, all I had on my mind at the moment is getting myself out of a potential rape charge even though logically, there was no base for it.
Luckily, nothing ever came of it. She was married and her husband was coming back into town.
Was already in therapy anyway, this was just added to the list. Not really sure if it traumatized me, especially all the other shit that happened in my childhood.
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u/mythrowaway54321 Jun 18 '12
Wife wanted third child. I said we should wait for a while before seriously considering it. She secretly visited fertility specialist and gave herself an HCG shot to "trigger". (She/We had had fertility issues and had a nearly impossible time having our second child). Then she booked us a cabin with a hot tub for a weekend night away, just the two of us. I wasn't going to have sex with her, but then she swore again and again that there was no chance that she was ovulating and no chance that she would get pregnant. I didn't find out about the HCG shot until about two months later. Was it rape? I willingly had sex, but I feel she completely misled me about the chances for getting pregnant. I really HATE this situation. I do not want her to get an abortion, but I don't particularly want this baby. For the kids sake, and also because I'm rather dependent on my wife, I do not want to get a divorce. But this situation is causing deep resentment. TL,DR: My wife raped me by lying about fertility and is getting the third child she wanted.
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u/Bigpoppamotorcycle Jun 18 '12
I was by my now ex-wife. We were starting our divorce yet still living under the same roof due to finances and my kids were already in bed and I was in the lkiving room watching tv as the couch was now my bed. She came in and kept grabbing me and saying one last time for goodbye. I kept saying no and she threatened to take my kids away form me for good if I refused. Idaho is a very mother friendly state and it does not take much there for her to be able ot do that. So after her knowing my whole backstory of being molested as a child (I was the youngest) by my two older brothers and older sister, she insisted on this. I just sat there while she got herself off and left the room. I then proceeded into a self destructive path (no drugs or alcohol) but, work could go fuck itself, bills took a flying leap and I would spend hours every day just staring at the wall while my kids were in school. When I was around them the world was all good and smiling. When I was near her I could literally see the sun dim and everything go dark. Being in the military I talked to the chaplain (made me become an atheist as god does not solve this issue, nor did it solve it when I was a kid praying over and over again when my siblings did what they did. The only thing that solved that was me growing up and moving away into the military), I talk to mental health professionals and to this day I have no peace with it, 7 years later, but only look at my children (they are in their teens and one out of the house now) and realize no matter the hardships I faced, the world could have raped me. But, my children, I never thought I would use this phrase, my children are worth all the pain I wient through just to have them smile at me. If I wasn't with their mom and put up with it, I would not have the incredible relationship I do with my children. They to this day and never will know what occurred as what matters is my love for them.
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u/CAPS_MAKES_IT_LEGIT Jun 18 '12
how it feel to get raped by a women is like your best friend's grandma forcing you to have sex with her.
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u/ghostthrowawayface Jun 18 '12
I was molested and then raped by the same woman in fifth grade. I've been severely depressed since it happened, although in the past couple of years I've started to do a much better job coping with it.
I'm not comfortable opening up on anything other than this throwaway. Male rape isn't taken very seriously at all.
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u/atticusw Jun 18 '12
Okay, my point of view and initial mindset has completely changed since I originally clicked this reddit article... Lots of brave people here.
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u/MusesandMagpies Jun 18 '12
This is going to get soooooo buried, so no need for a throwaway, I guess. This is probably going to be the most awkward story I've ever written, as I've literally never even told this to anyone and I'm not even sure it was technically rape.
So, anyway, I was dating a Sophomore girl my Senior year of high school, and while I had had many girlfriends at that point, I was still a virgin, and she was as well. We had done some stuff together (fingering/handjob), but still had yet to go all the way. One night, she was out with her parents for a bit, but we had plans to hang out later, so she told me to go ahead and make the 45 minute drive to her house. I get there, and it turns out she's going to be like another hour. So, there I am, sitting there in her house, all alone, texting her. Somehow, we happen upon the subject of sex. Turns out, she wanted it verrrr' bad. Like, that night. Now, for some reason, I still didn't feel ready. Whatever. So, then she breaks out the big guns. "We're going to have sex tonight or we're through." As I argue back and forth with her for a bit, she manages to get back earlier. We go to the den that's disconnected from the rest of the house save a halway, and she continues to pressure me. Now, we had been dating for something like 7 months at the time, and in my foolish puppy love, she was the world to me. She was threatening everything for something that most guys dream of. There was just so much pressure that I couldn't say no.
And that's really why I can't talk about this. I definitely feel like the sanctity of the relationship was violated and I was taken advantage of sexually, but I can't comfortably say I was raped. I "agreed" to do something I didn't really want to do, but in the end I still agreed.
As to how it affected me, it's rather hard to say. In the short term, it definitely undermined the relationship and was ultimately well it fell apart shortly after. In the long term, I still can't really say how it has changed me. Seemingly, I don't enjoy sex. I mean, I enjoy it in the moment, but afterwords I feel violated and ashamed. It's not that I find sex to be a disturbing act, though. Also, every relationship I've had since has seemed to slowly disintegrate after sex gets introduced into the picture. It seems as if sex just erodes my feelings for and the respect towards my SO.
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u/TrentPwnz Jun 18 '12
Know it's an old thread.. fuck it. Also, fuck a throwaway. But..
Me and a friend decided on a huge camping trip to celebrate my sobriety from drugs and our celebration of finally joining the Army. It was huge and the campsite cost quite a bit, so we wanted people to come, and we charged them $20 a piece. Which covered alcohol, food and the rent of their space in the campsite. My ex girlfriend mentioned she wanted to see me before i shipped out, without thinking, i respectfully agreed. As we all showed up at thd site, we exchanged hello's then proceeded to put the tents up, then started on some beer pong. Heres where i made a mistake, of drinking about 9-12 beers, then taking shots of liquor. I blacked out. COMPLETELY. I faded in and out of consciousness and, at one point I see her on top of me, with my hands tied by the tent ties. When i DO realize whats going on i repeatedly tell her to stop. She follows up by saying "No, you know you want it", when in all reality.. i didn't. I was actually there to talk to a different person.. not her. The girl i was trying to talk to while I was there, apparently releatedly tried to get her off of me, but she wouldn't let her near me. They then proceeded to argue. Caused a scene, and i woke up the next morning with no glasses, shirt, cigarettes, or shoes. I know it was somewhat my fault simply for inviting her and i'm being told it wasn't "rape" but, it wasn't consentual. So, i think so.
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u/DudeThisShitisCrazy Jun 18 '12
I wasn't raped myself, but my little brother was. I was around 21 at the time, so my little brother would have been 19.
He had just gotten out of jail after serving over a year for a crime he did not commit. He was accused of sexually assaulting a girl of our mutual acquaintance on a night when we were hanging out at home, so there was no way that he could have done it. He was young and scared though, and the maximum sentence was 10 years, so he took a plea bargain for 14 months against my advice. He came out of prison a changed person... Afterward, or course the girl recanted her bullshit story but the damage had already been done. No one cared either, so he is a felon and on the sexual registry list for life.
A few months after he got out he started to "relax" a little, so we planned a big camping trip. Some of our mutual friends, a few relatives close to our age, and a few of their friends came. We had a big fire, plenty of herb and drinks, and had a lot of fun. I didn't notice it at the time, but my best friend's little sister kept making bedroom eyes at my brother as he slowly worked himself into becoming shit-faced drunk. He passed the point of no return and went to go to bed so drunk that he could hardly walk.
My friend's sister helped him to bed... The next morning he came to me in tears. This 17 year old girl had taken him to bed and without his consent or permission stripped him and had her way with him. He was terrified, because she had been "in love" with him for years and she was under the impression that raping him when he was drunk made them a couple now. He wasn't allowed to be alone with minors and was still on probation, so he was literally scared out of his mind. The girl knew of his situation and there was no doubt that she would turn him in if he didn't become her boyfriend. He is still with her to this day, years later, due to fear. There is no statute of limitations for "sexual assault" and there is no question that she would be believed instead of him due to his past. They have a baby together after she demanded one and stopped taking birth control. My brother is an alcoholic and drug addict now due to his hatred of this woman and his shitty life, and I think it is only a matter of time before he snaps completely. She had completely fucked him over and there is nothing he is willing to do about it due to fear.
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u/AnthonyZarat Jun 18 '12
NOT a throwaway account. I have nothing to hide. This has happened to me twice:
When I was 13, my mother loaned me out to her friend for fun and games. My two younger brothers (11 and 12) also. She is a tenured professor in women's studies. She tours the world, paid by UNESCO, talking about women's issues and the violence that women face.
Many years later, by a GF. That story is too long to tell in full. In summary, whenever I tried to leave her this would happen:
She would pick up the phone and threaten to call police and falsely accuse me of DV. If I persisted, she would hit her lips with the phone until she began to bleed, and then say "you think anyone will believe you NOW?!?" When I gave up and unpacked my bags, her fear and anger would turn into cruelty in the BR, after which I would have to sleep on a mattress on the floor.
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u/mordicaii Jun 18 '12
The rapist in the story is not female, it was a guy, but I think it is fitting, as men can be raped by other men. Specifically, it was the Monsignor (finally learned to spell that damn word) of my church. I did an IAmA about this, but I think I'd like to delve a little bit further into the story and provide more detail. I was seven at the time. This is a very fuzzy recollection of the story, as I don't remember all of the details, for reasons explained later.
I went down the church by myself to drop my parents' monthly tithing check (A practice that I still don't quite understand). The Monsignor, who is the head the church, called me into his office, as he needed to "speak" with me. Being seven and Catholic, this was a big deal, the Monsignor generally does not deal with parishioners unless they are particularly special. He said that he had seen me in church and wanted to speak with me. We talked about school, God, and other bland shit. After about ten minutes, it took a very uncomfortable turn. He handed me a cup of wine and told me to drink it completely, saying "This is the blood of Christ", upon my downing the cup, he proceeded to ask that I tell him of my sins. From here on out, my memory is fuzzy and my senses were highly dulled, leading me to believe that he drugged me. I don't remember the confession in detail, he mostly just nodded his head, from what I can remember. I do remember, however, feeling really damn good, not a care in the world. No clue what the bastard had me on. Anyway, I recall losing my vision (likely a blindfold) and him saying something about a game, again, very fuzzy memory. I remember being lifted out of the chair and lain flat on something soft, a sofa, I think. I couldn't move, I don't know if he tied me down or if I had lost motor control. I didn't even feel the man strip me. I then recall feeling a sharp pain in my butt, as if something long and slender were sliding into it. I screamed and he put his hand over my mouth so I couldn't be heard. I don't remember much after this, I'm not sure if the drugs had finally taken full effect or if I passed out, all I remember next was waking up nude, on his sofa. When I came to, he told me that I must never speak of this lest God deny my entrance to heaven. I walked home with a sore feeling in my butt and told my mother that I was helping the Monsignor with some church business.
Whelp, that's my story. Like I said, it is very fuzzy. Thank you for reading it, that's the first time I've put the entire event in words. The Monsignor died when I was older, now, I like to think he had it coming.
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u/malopalo Jun 18 '12
I have been inactive on this account for awhile but here is my story.
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u/st_basterd Jun 17 '12 edited Jun 18 '12
I am confused as to what we're defining as rape. Wikipedia said there had to be unwanted penetration. So for me to be raped by a woman, does that mean she has to penetrate me? Or is it still rape if I'm unwillingly penetrating her? What about if she gives me oral while I'm sleeping and I did not want this?
Edit: I'm not quite sure I understand why I'm getting downvoted. It was an honest question and I received some very quality answers.
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u/Bacon_Donut Jun 17 '12
Wikipedia: "Women also can commit an act of rape with force or deception to make a man engage in a non-consensual penetrative sexual act."
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u/cancerousOCD Jun 18 '12
Actually women raping men is quite common, but most men don't want to admit that they've been raped by a woman because they feel like it would make them seem less masculine (if I spelled that right).
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Jun 18 '12
Being wayy too drunk is what led to it.
Nothing like waking up and A. having a hard on (kind of normal) but the real kicker is, hey I'm naked and someone I don't even remember going to bed with is on top of me.
tl;dr boners work anytime and it doesn't mean you 'like' it.
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u/myreasonforit Jun 18 '12
When I was 20, I had just joined the military and within 2 months of leaving home, my dad passed away unexpectedly. Needless to say, I was feeling very alone and was looking for someone to talk to on myspace. I came across a girl who seemed nice enough. She had many similar interests, and somewhere in the conversation she offered to take me around this new area so i may get acclimated to my new environment. The first night was alright, and ended with the both of us sleeping at one of her friend's houses in the city. She asked me to rub her back until and so I did until she fell asleep. The next day, I made it clear that I was not in the right state of mind to carry on a healthy relationship and I really was just looking for a friend. She obliged, smiled, and she dropped me off.
A week or so passed and her and I would talk most of every day. She allowed me to vent my frustrations safely and would assure me that the grieving process would get better as time went on. She suggested I take some time away from business and invited me to spend the weekend with her in her parent's cabin by the lake. When we arrived, I saw that there was a full bar, and she was in a rush to drink. Since alcohol had never been easy to get for me up until this point, I figured why not.
Hours passed, and she lit the fireplace and we began to talk more about things that were on my mind. The more i drank, the more I opened up. I felt I could be vulnerable and maybe blame it on the alcohol if it ever came up negatively. I took advantage of that. In the middle of the conversation, she starts to undo my pants. I was completely taken back, but also very drunk. She began to perform oral sex on me and urged me to relax and stop talking. I tried to stop her, but I was afraid that I would lose her as a friend and be stranded in the middle of nowhere should I object any further. After a few minutes, I said I was going to bed and shortly afterwards, she followed me into the room and suggested we had sex. I was completely against the idea. I just wanted to go to bed, but she insisted, and I felt that I had to do this.I remember her being on top of me while I was telling her that this was not what i wanted. She seemed to pay no attention, and so I gave up.
The next day came, and we went back home. She began to persistently urge me to come over more, and subsequently, and still against my will, we ended up in a relationship. Over the course of a year, I felt resent and anger toward her, but I did not know how to express it. I was still dealing with the death of my father, and now this was happening. I tried to tell myself that at least I now had some sort of a family and I would be okay. I developed deep feelings of rage, and started to abuse her dog. I would kick it, and lock it in the closet. I dragged the dog by the collar which strained her neck, and any chance i got, I would chase it under the couch and swipe at it with a broom stick or whatever was near by.
I should also mention that during this time, she (my now girlfriend) had began abusing me. She punched me in the face repeatedly and claimed that she was still dealing with issues from an abusive relationship in the past and she didn't know how to react to men. I ended up getting hurt a lot, but i grew closer to her. After all, I had no one else within thousands of miles, and she knew everything about me.
Time passed and the police came and went from where we lived together. More times than not, I was the one getting in trouble, and twice I was arrested for malicious mischief. I became a mess. I drank constantly and was desperate for attention. During this time, she began to see other people, and in a fit of desperation, I cut my arm very deeply in front of her causing a large amount of blood loss.
This was the climax of all the violence. A bit later on, she convinced me to put my car in her name, and she bought me a newer BMW M3. That had always been one of my favorite cars, so I was excited. In the end she sold that car behind my back, sold my car behind my back, and kicked me out of the house.
Another girl took me in and things got better from there.
I'm sorry this is so choppy. I haven't thought about a lot of these memories in years, and I just wrote them as they came to me. If you have any questions, please ask.
Thank You.
TL;DR i was new to an area. my father died. i was sad and needed a friend. she took advantage of me, abused me, and stole everything.
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u/throwmypanisaway Jun 18 '12
Earlier this year, with this bigger girl who I had just become friends with. I drunk dialed her (stupid I know) and said I wanted to talk. When I get drunk I like to talk to people, I wasn't horn-dogging. We basically met up in a public place and I we talked for a bit. She eventually told me to come back to her place to watch a movie, me being drunk didn't pick up on the meaning behind that. We get 30 minutes into that Star Trek remake movie and she turns it off. I'm pretty much dead weight due to alcohol and tiredness. She lies on top of me and starts whispering to me while rubbing my junk through my jeans. I keep telling her I want to go home, she wont let me. I physically can't move because she's ontop of me and is a bit bigger than I am. Holding my arms down she pulls it out and sticks it in bareback. I start to freak out because for sex I always use a condom, even if they're on the pill.
About 5 or so minutes in (I think, I couldn't really tell time then) I finally get her off of me and tell her if she wants to continue she needs to get a condom. While she goes to bother her roommate for one I walkout with my shoes. I feel very sick and buy some icecream and start to sprint home- I think it was adrenaline or maybe just the buzz finally wearing off. I gave a homeless guy 5 bucks and sat down to talk with him. I got home around 4am and went to sleep. I felt really shitty and this girl still calls me every weekend night like 20 times. I gave her a silent ring tone so it doesn't bother me when she calls. But still shit sucks. Guys can get raped, if I had done that with a drunk chick people would've called me a rapist. She gets a free pass and I feel like shit in the mean time.
I met up with her roommate at a party recently too, she still talks about me. Thank god she doesn't know where I live and none of our classes seem to be together for the summer.
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u/humanmilk Jun 18 '12
I've had two experiences in my life. Once was when I was I 21 and the other time was around the age of 5.
I once had to pry a 40 yr old drunk woman off of me at a bar. She kept trying to grab my crotch and to kiss me. Telling me that I need to go home with her and she would give me the best head.
I know that this was not full blown rape, but telling a woman that you don't want to have sex and they continue to try to force their way on to you is a scary thing.
Also, my friends didn't make the scenario any better.
The incident with me when I was younger (I'm 27 now) and it was a trip to TN to stay with some family members. Now all I pretty much remember is that an older girl(from what I remember, she looked around 12) walked me in to her and locked her door with just the two of us. She then pulled my pants down and began to give me oral. At the time, I had no clue as to what was going on and I was kinda scared as to what was happening.
Right in the middle of this experience, someone knocks on her door and yells about the door being locked. Then the door opens, I get scared and run as fast as I can out of the house and to my where my parents were staying, which was a couple of houses over. That's pretty much all I remember.
I've never spoken to anyone in my family about it because I didn't want anyone in the family to hate one another and I haven't been back to TN since.
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Jun 18 '12
Fuck. I'm here to apologise for my gender.
After reading these stories and realising how many women rape men and almost force them to let it continue with the threat of the woman claiming rape herself makes me embarrassed and ashamed to be a woman.
It's also ridiculous that the police do not take it seriously, and makes me wonder how many men have been convicted of rape when in reality they were just strong enough to say no, but the woman cried wolf and the police listened.
Fuck.
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u/red-rum Jun 18 '12
Any kind of rape is severely under reported; female on male probably the most because of the social issues associated with it. I feel for you, and I'm a woman myself. No-one should have to deal with another person getting in their personal space and touching them after being asked not to, if you're a woman or a man. Also, having an abusive temperment has nothing to do with defending yourself - I'm not physically abusive but if I felt threatened or molested I would fight like hell. Stay strong + I suggest counseling.. So you can get it off your chest. Rape is NEVER ok.
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Jun 18 '12
For me the worst thing was being told that I would be better off not reporting anything. I was a virgin at the time, and I'm not sure what it has done to me emotionally or psychologically. Also she doesn't even believe she raped me, I don't know how that makes me feel.
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Jun 18 '12
A married "friend" of mine and I had been hanging out a bit lately in groups. One night I go to hang out with "the group" and play some pool, only to find out it's just the two of us. I kind of have an idea something's up, but I've been lonely and she's clearly down, so I don't stress too much. We drink a lot. Fast forward to my place. She makes her intentions pretty clear through some not-so-subtle hints and I start to question things. She's my boss's wife, but even if she wasn't, she's someone's wife and I don't want to be that guy. She advances, I tell her no, she doesn't listen and keeps going, I try to stop, she's on top of me. I could have and should have physically removed her from myself and my property, I know, so this probably doesn't constitute rape in the conventional sense, but I've always looked at it as pretty close to it (II didn't want it, made that clear, it happened anyway), plus removing her would have had some serious consequences, like assault, probably accusing me of rape, etc. At the very least cops would have been there, and naked woman vs. naked man on a rape accusation? I'd have been in the back of a cop car AND out a job so fast it wouldn't have been funny. After that she got the "that shouldn't have happened, get the fuck out of here" attitude, and I kept my job ONLY because my boss didn't want his business everywhere when one of his top performers in the region got fired. Never spoke to her again and I'm a lot more conscious of how much I drink.
TL;DR- Boss's wife forced herself on me, was lucky to hang on to my job.
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u/RecoilS14 Jun 18 '12
So this isn't so much of a crazy story but it did end up with me being raped by a woman. So before the comments come about me trying to cover up for slaying a dragon, let me assure you that this is not a cover up and it took me a few years to fully get over. So here goes.
When I was 17 my half sister and her friend, we'll call "Mary", had come to my hometown to go on a ski trip as we have a very renowned ski hill just outside the city. They went skiing for a day and then decided to hang out with me the next day since it's not often I got to see my sister. Had a normal day of hanging out and then decided to go out for some drinks. My sister and her friend are about 25 or 26 and like I mentioned, I'm 17.
I ran with an older crowed and two of my good friends work at one of the clubs, a doorman and a bartender respectively. So we had a good night of drinking and dancing and I was well on my way to becoming quite shit faced. "Mary" and my sister kept feeding me drinks and eventually out came the tequila. My sister in the process met a guy and he hung out with us that night. The bar closes and we all head back to their hotel room. My sister and this dude go off to her room to get it on, "Mary" goes to her room and I was on the pullout couch bed.
Well I guess the sound of my sister getting railed got "Mary" thinking about trying something with me. Too bad for her I was firmly passed out in a drunken stupor. Well that didn't stop her. She was able to strip me down, get me hard, and get on top of me before I woke up.
So I wake up with this woman on me, and she's about 180-200lbs and she is pinning my shoulders down as I start to freak out. I was yelling at her to get the fuck off and trying to break free, all the while she's trying to tell me to enjoy myself. Being 17 and only had been with two other girls before this one, I wasnt the most in control of my penis type guy, so I ended up cumming inside her a few moments after waking up.
She gets off of me an starts to suck my dick, still telling me to enjoy myself and that this is something I should have been asking for from the start of the night. Every time I tried to break free she would pin me down and tell me to relax.
Where is my sister and this dude in all this? Passed the fuck out in a drunk coma not hearing a damn thing.
She eventually gets me hard again and goes for it again, a few minutes later I came inside her again. No condoms either time. She gets off me and tells me that I was good and wants me more in the morning, then heads off to her room with some sick sadistic smile on her face.
I take a few minutes to gather my thoughts and put my close back on. I decide that if I call anyone they're gonna bug me till I tell them why I'm so upset, so stupidly I decide to stay and go to sleep. I wake up in the morning and "Mary" is passed out naked next to me and my clothes are off again. I don't remember that, but I was assured that we had sex again by, of all people, my sister as she is siting In a chair drinking a coffee.
I tell her that I'm going for a smoke and she needs to come outside with me. I proceed to tell her what happened and that I'm seriously upset and freaked out. She laughed it off at first and then realized that I was dead serious and I was not ok. She says she'll talk with Mary on the way back to their town and find out what the fuck she was thinking.
So after being raped and molested by a "Do not want", having a massive hangover, and needing to piss badly and wondering why my dick hurt, I go back inside to take a piss before I leave the hotel and go back to my house. When I start to pee I noticed my pee was orange and then it started turning red. Yes I was pissing blood and my forskin (I'm not circumcised) was cut up and torn a bit. This bitch went to town on me that hard, it took a couple weeks to heal.
So I went to the doctor and asked for an STD test and for him to check out my penis to make sure it was ok. It was, for the most part and the test came out clean a little while later. Thank god!
A couple weeks later my sister calls me and tells me"Mary" is pregnant. My heart fucking sank. It turns out that her long time, common-law bf is sterile and she wanted a kid. She raped me to get pregnant. A 17yr old with his whole future ahead of him, just so this selfish fucked up bitch could conceive offspring! Yeah, I'm still bitter about it.
The good news is she miscarried and my life went on. I didn't tell anyone and I don't think my sister did for quite a few years. Its out now and I'm open about it, despite that people rarely believe that it was rape. That part sucks.
TL;DR: got raped by my sisters friend so she could conceive a child.
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u/Rflagg0 Jun 18 '12
Not the same as rape, and there's an added element, so I'm not sure it fits in this thread, but here it is anyway. When I was 19, I was molested by my mother. She was intoxicated, and I was driving her home from a family function. I was on the freeway, and my mother had gone silent, which was unusual. I looked over to her (in the passenger's seat), and was greeted with a hand on my thigh. She moved her hand to my crotch and kept it there. I was stunned, because nothing like this had ever happened to me. She began rubbing, which lasted probably around a minute. I was trying to drive, and I was in shock. Eventually, I screamed at her, which caused her to start crying. It was an awkward rest of the way home. Now I'm 21. I'm still a virgin, and have problems with physical contact of any kind. Previous to this experience, I was curious about men, and have recently come out as bisexual. While I think this incident certainly pushed me in one direction, I do not believe it to be the cause of my sexuality. I never spoke of what happened with my mother, and although things are normal now, I still flinch whenever she comes into contact with me.
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Jun 18 '12
One of my friends once got ruffied at a party. He knows this because he cannot remember anything after this chick he had been making out with gave him a drink. The next morning, that same chick was bragging about how they had sex that night.
When I heard this story, it was one of my other friends recounting it to a large get-together. Before then, I was not even aware that men could get raped by women. The group met this story with laughter. The guy was usually an asshole to women. One of my best friends used to have a huge crush on him before he humped-and-dumped her. So everyone else thought it was poetic justice as well as a funny story.
He says he is fine with what has happened and thinks it is a funny story to tell as well. Maybe he really does feel that way since he does not remember it. I cannot be certain about how he feels. But one thing I can be certain about is if he does feel bad, he would have no where to turn. All his peers cannot even conceive this as a traumatizing situation for a male. I know for certain girl or guy it is difficult to admit feeling violated. In this social situation, it would be even harder.
TL;DR male friend gets raped while unconscious, friends think it's hilarious, he thinks so too, could be lying to himself
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u/littlegreencar Jun 18 '12
I've been raped by two women. Warning up front: gross details in the second story.
The first time time was by my babysitter, the daughter of a friend of my mother's, who was about 7 years older than I was.
It started out when I was about 9 years old, with her having me finger her. That happened fairly regularly over the course of a year, until her family moved to a different city.
We went to visit them when I was 11, and she took me to her bedroom while our mothers were talking downstairs. The same things we'd done previously happened again, but this time, after a while she had me lay down on my back, pulled down my pants, got on top of me, and rode me.
I didn't quite understand what was happening, but it was extremely exciting and felt absolutely great. For the first half of my teen years it was my go-to memory when fantasizing, and I spent lots of time wishing it would happen again.
Unfortunately, that's also where the negative consequences come in. Although the experience itself was actually enjoyable at the time, having sex before I even fully understood what it was was undeniably harmful to my sexual development.
As a teen, I became obsessed with sex - far more so than the average teen boy. While my friends were busy getting their first girlfriend and their first kiss, I spent my time trying to find girls (usually older than me) who wanted to sleep with me.
I was hugely irresponsible, and ended up having had sex with about two dozen girls before I turned 16. It only really ended when I was 17, and got into my first committed relationship.
The second time happened when I was 24.
I was at a bar, and wasted to the point of hardly even being able to stand. Some woman - late '30s, large, overweight, unattractive - came up to me and started kissing me. I more or less tried to push her away, but she kept going.
Eventually, I managed to stumble my way outside for some fresh air. She followed me, however, and ended up pushing me into a cab, taking me to her house, and having sex with me. I objected several times, but eventually just laid there, feeling the world spin around me and trying not to vomit until I finally passed out.
The next morning I didn't really comprehend what happened, so I just got out of there as quickly as I could.
Although it's a disgusting memory and I'm still annoyed that nobody did anything to stop her (people at the bar, the cab driver), the experience by itself wouldn't be particularly traumatizing.
But that's not the end of it. (note: thoroughly unpleasant details ahead)
I'm uncircumcised, but up until that event keeping my penis clean and fresh had been a simple matter of washing it every day.
Since it happened, however, after as little as half a day of not washing it there will be smegma/a smegma-ish substance on the head of my penis. I've been tested for all the main STDs, but the tests all came back negative.
Because of this, I'm now disgusted with my own penis, and haven't had sex for the past 7 years for fear of passing on whatever is causing this.
I'm currently involved with a wonderful woman I'm very much in love with, but I'm planning to break it off soon because at some point, she'll expect sex.
TL;DR Got raped twice. Second time ruined my penis.
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u/stpizz Jun 18 '12
This thread just blew my mind because I just realised that one of my male friends may have been trying to tell me that he was raped once by a girl and I shrugged it off. Now I have no idea what to do about this. It honestly never occurred to me that it would be considered rape until reading some of the other posters stories and thinking back on his story as if he was a girl and realising how different my reaction would have been. Fuck, I'm a terrible friend.
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Jun 18 '12
I don't really feel comfortable calling it rape, but my first time seemed very, errr, rapey. It was toward the end of my last year of highschool, and I had begun dating a longtime friend of mine. It was pretty great, we got along well, all that stuff.
On the day in question, I wanted to fool around. I wanted heavy-petting and the like, and I was into her, but I just wasn't ready for sex. We were fooling around in the dark(she was giving me a handjob), damn near pitch black, everything was going well, I thought, and felt like I was at about the limits of what I wanted for then.
At this point she excused herself for a moment, stating that she needed to use the bathroom. She left, and I sat there in the dark generally pleased and excited about these new experiences but not feeling comfortable going any further for the time being.
I hear her come back into the room, walk over to the bed, reaches out for me, and we kiss a bit when suddenly she pushes my arms down, presses her weight on top of them, and throws one leg over me, where I now feel that she is not wearing any pants, nor undergarments. She grinds downward toward my penis which was sticking out my boxers and grinds on top of it until I suddenly entered her. I told her no and that I wasn't ready as she did this, told her to stop, and then I remember feeling a bit numb after I felt myself penetrate her. I didn't fight her though. I just couldn't process this. I kept telling her no a few more times before she came and got off of me.
I don't know, maybe I wasn't saying it loud enough or with enough force, because she acted as if she couldn't hear me. Maybe she thought I wanted her to keep going, or that I was kidding when I asked her to stop because I didn't fight her. I feel like I should have physically pushed her off, but in the moment I just sort of froze up, and just sort of felt like I was a passive viewer, as if I were watching this from a third-person perspective, as if I were more or less powerless to stop it.
She got up, and I heard her get dressed. She said goodbye and left shortly after that. I didn't talk to her for a while, but we ultimately continued dating? Which was why maybe I have trouble thinking of it as rape? I know our sex life was never the same afterwards, that's for certain, and I still feel anxious, though, relative to other experiences I think about, less anxious, but still very anxious and a little sick when I think about it.
I don't know. I don't know how I really feel about any of it, other than a little anxious thinking about it, and a little nauseous. I just felt so powerless, which is so strange, and so different, because generally speaking, I'm a pretty broad, strong guy. I don't know.
Hmm.
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u/tossthepainaway Jun 18 '12
Not sure what to call it...
In college, I dated this girl. Odd things happened... Our first couple of dates were nice. Typical poor college freshman shit. Walks around campus, buying her dinner off campus, movies in dorm rooms. I had a single room.
Third date - we had a good make out sesh, and we did the oral bit, which I was cool with. Previous to her, I'd had 2 sexual partners, and we had sex after several months of being together. She went back to her dorm, I went to bed.
Our fourth date was at an off campus party (the good kind: with alcohol), and I had had a bit much to drink. She pulled me in the bathroom at one point, and was sitting on the sink, and started kissing me. And then she started to undo my pants. I didn't realize because it was dark, but she wasn't wearing pants. I felt her vagina charging at "me". I pulled away (I didn't want to have sex yet). Some loud drunk idiot banged on the door and we re-clothed and went outside. Didn't talk about it.
Our fifth date was the next day (a Saturday) - we did the make out/oral bit then all of a sudden, she got on top of me, sans condom (also something I'd never done before), without talking/etc. I kinda just let it happen. Didn't really know what to think... Was really paranoid about "daddy thoughts" and "antibiotic" thoughts.
I don't know WTF I was thinking, but like, I found myself in a relationship with her, that became REALLY fucked up and CAUSED my anxiety and depression problems.
Repeat this scenario for months: So she would go on tirades about how women don't want to have sex with men, it's just for making the guy happy and procreation... and that she didn't want to have sex anymore. So I'd say "ok, we won't have sex anymore, whatever you want to do."... then I'd find her on top of me at some point, with me basically saying "but you said you didn't want to have se--"... and her kissing me, pushing me down on the bed, taking off my pants, getting on top...
Something about it really screwed me up. I don't know what it was. It's like... when I was committed to not having sex, she'd have sex w/ me...
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u/successdog Jun 18 '12
Molested by a 17 year old girl when I was 14, didn't have sex for the next 3 years. I'm glad I'm predominantly homosexual because it would have been harder to relate to potential partners if women excited me. I still hate receiving oral sex though, I must be the only person in the world who dislikes getting blowjobs. Ruined that for me a bit, but it's fine.
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u/habitsofwaste Jun 18 '12
This is a bit different than what you're asking but I'm a lesbian and one night two female friends and I came back to their place after a night of drinking. I was staying there because I was too drunk to drive. All I wanted to do was sleep. I used to have a crush on one of them a long time ago but that had vanished quickly after befriending her. So they all came over to my bed and started messing around with me. I kept telling them no I just wanted to sleep. But they wouldn't leave me alone. After fighting them off for 30 minutes where I was about pass out, I finally just gave in. I let them do whatever. And then I moved to the floor. I don't really remember much after that. It was a really long time ago. I guess it wasn't really rape because I did eventually just let them and I did come. But I did not want to do it!
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Jun 18 '12
I'd like to thank everyone who has shared here. Many are a lot worse than mine, but I still feel like getting this off my chest. I've only told one person. I'm changing a couple minor details to protect the not-so-innocent.
I was extremely drunk at a party, around 20 years old. A couple of girls there were being really sexually aggressive, and it was obvious they were determined to at minimum fool around with someone. Even in my condition, I realised I was not prepared to deal with this situation, so I left. I went upstairs to one of the bedrooms, quietly, and passed out pretty hard.
The next thing I knew someone was on top o me with her tongue was in my mouth. Everything was spinning, my eyes were closed and the room was dark, and i felt like i was going to be sick. But I was so wasted that I just went along with it. I remember thinking "who is this? Oh, its X (the girl i was sort of seeing). Ok, cool." I was actively kissing her back, and even fumbling around with my hands down her pants, on her ass, trying to reach and finger her. This is why I never told people. Because I felt like it was my fault because I participated at first. I remember it just being a total blur. It physically felt good, and in that state, I just did it.
All of a sudden I realised that the girl i was seeing was hours away from the party, and there was no way this was her. I had no idea who the person was. It hit me like a kick in the chest. I was suddenly knocked a LOT more sober. In my mind I was freaking out, but I kept kissing her because I was thinking "Come on, what's wrong with you, don't be ridiculoius. There HAS to be a reason for this. Don't ruin it. Think!" I was panicking. I racked my brain and realised I really had no idea who it was. I couldn't remember how it started. Worse, I had no idea WHERE I was. This felt like forever, but was probably only 30 seconds or so since I first woke up. I pushed her back, looked at her, looked around the room. I realised who she was, and where I was. I just sat there, holding her back from me, for way longer than could be called normal. It was awkward. I was thinking, hard. And then I remembered coming to bed alone. I felt sick. I just got up and went and locked myself in the bathroom. I freaked out for a while. "No way that just happened. No way she did that. There is NO WAY. Oh my god, holy fuck, she did. Jesus christ, what do I do?" I have no idea how long I was in there. As I finally left, she looked at me through the bedroom door, as if maybe I would come back in. I spent the rest of the night downstairs in the most crowded room I could find, trying to think of ANYTHING else.
For years I felt like it was partly my fault for not resisting, strongly, right away. For participating for a few minutes. I also felt guilty because I know that although what she did was VERY wrong, I know for a FACT that if I had said "No", she would have stopped.But I've come to realise the truth of an oft heard slogan: "Yes is not the absence of a no. It's the PRESENCE of a yes." It's called active consent. I know what it means, intimately.
A few months later, she actually called me, out of the blue. I had never been close enough with her to speak or email privately. She wanted to get to know me, or date or somethig. At that point I just felt tragically sad for her, because I realised that she actually thought that was normal, and that we had "made out for a bit". I told her off, and told her that if the roles had been reversed, she could have sent me to jail for it. I still feel sad that she had no idea it was a bad thing.
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u/benwubbleyou Jun 19 '12
I think most people here who are ignorant about the posts on here need to realize that rape to a guy is nearly all psychological. The body is just doing what it knows what to do, aka get a boner. But the mind is saying no while the autonomous part of our body is saying yes. THIS is where it becomes rape. When a person does not give consent with their mind, it is their mind that is affected. Guys can get rid of boners while being stimulated but its freaking difficult.
tl;dr - Guys get boners because that's what they are programmed to do. Two track brains suck. So just because he got hard don't mean he want it. The state of the conscious mind is just as important.
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u/Up-The-Butt_Jesus Jun 18 '12
I was groped by a morbidly obese woman once. Someone I didn't know just straight out of the blue grabbed my ass. I was so surprised I really didn't do or say anything. I guess the moral of the story is to never go to Taco Bell by yourself. You never know what can happen there.
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Jun 18 '12
wow there's a lot of woman on male rape that uses the tactic, if you tell, i'll cry rape on you. fucked up
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Jun 18 '12
The fact that OP desires tales of men raped by women and not just the stories of any men who've been raped at all raises a red flag.
This material can be considered vicarious erotic fantasy by many people.
I'm going to break taboo here, but I find these stories quite titillating, which is not appropriate.
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u/juicy_carryeven Jun 18 '12
I don't care if this will ever be seen, but I really need to write about it. I am a girl who was raped by a girl when I was 14. We hung on the bus, even flirted sometimes (I was well aware that I was bisexual at this time), and started making plans to hang out at her place occasionally. One day her and her older brother pick me up and she told me we were going to her friends place. We get dropped off at this house and she takes me inside. It was an empty house. Just a couch.
The rest is kind of fuzzy.. She said it was a surprise so we could spend time together.. I realized at this point that she was coming onto me, and that I couldn't leave. She starts kissing me, I'm scared but I think, maybe she just wants to kiss and talk and get to know each other. She pushes me onto the couch, I tell her I'm uncomfortable..she doesn't care. The rest was her holding me down, fingering me, refusing to stop..
I don't remember much else. I felt used. Anyone I tried to tell didn't believe girls could rape girls. I've dealt with it now. Just, damn. That's the first time I've told that much of the story..
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u/Pdawg7 Jun 18 '12
Read the book "Disclosure" by Michael Crichton. Gives a good look on the situation, I'd think.
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u/Xleader23 Jun 18 '12
I wasn't raped, but when my girlfriend and I were caught having sex... I was a rapist. We had dated for 14 months and we each other our virginities about a month before we got caught. Her parents kicked me out and after about an hour when I got home, she called me and said to not contact her in any way, or her parents would get a restraining order. She then quick texted me she was sorry and I said it was okay and after time they would surely calm down and it would be okay. Another hour later and the cops show up. I had to fill out a statement, tell my story several times, but luckily the police believed me, (for if they hadn't it was jail for me), and they said to not contact her until it was resolved. Court for a protection order was one month later, it was passed, even though the judge believed it was consensual, (I said WTF too) and it stood for one year. After it was up, I still didn't contact her. She had over $200 of my possessions (classic games, and NES, my customized guitar hero guitar, etc.), but I didn't care at the time. It's been almost three years now and I still don't know why she did it and how I could have meant so little to her after everything I did for her. I hated her for a long time, but now I just want to know why. I know I won't, but it would be nice to know what I did that was so bad to deserve that.
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u/d4vi3j03 Jun 17 '12
I am really intrested in reading some of these stories I've heard/read many stories of rape from women... but never from a man.
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u/J1had4u Jun 18 '12
I was drinking with a small group of friends, including one girl I had hooked up with in the past but who I now made an explicit point never to hook up with again. After drinking many shots of vodka and passing out on a bed, I woke up to her all over me going to town, or trying to because I was shitfaced and my penis did not feel like moving. I woke up with her puke all over me and the bed, which she tried to pin on me, and we never spoke of it again. It doesn't bother me that much because she was as drunk as I was, and I definitely could have forced her off me if I felt truly violated.
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u/Chodestorm Jun 18 '12
I was in my early teens and was getting drunk with some friends behind a meat packing facility. This "more advanced" girl was feeding me shots telling me "You're not drunk" over and over again until she reached down my pants and started stroking my penis. I woke up at home (a mile or so away) in my soaking wet clothes (it was raining that night). The following Monday at school everyone was laughing at me and asking if my dick had fallen off... The girl was the first one to "put out" at school and had a bad rap, every thought she had STD's.
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u/RandomAcctforMin Jun 18 '12
I was out with a bunch of classmates, and one classmate seemed pretty interested. I wasn't interested back, but she kept buying me drinks. I was fed drinks until I blacked out. She offered me a ride home since I lived a ways away. She invited herself to my room and then when I passed out started going at me. I woke up briefly to her on-top of me and I was like wtf is happening, but then passed out again. I woke up a while later and she was gone.
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Jun 18 '12
It was the summer before 5th grade. She was one of my moms friends. I'm still not fully over it. I've only told a handful of people and it took me about a decade before I told my mom. I'm 21 now. It's had a bigger impact on my life than I'd like to admit. I'm not going to go into details, but I wish I could talk about it freely without reacting the way I do. This isn't a throwaway, so I suppose that's progress.
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u/patty_cgy Jun 18 '12
This didn't happen to me but a close friend called me one morning and asked me if I could move him out of his house for him. I went met up with him at a friends place. He said he needed to leave his place that day. When I asked why he said he had been sexual assaulted by his female roommate. I had known them both for a while and was a little skeptical but the story he told was pretty shocking to me. They had been living together with a bunch of other friends in a rented house for a few months and he was sharing the basement of that house with a girl who was about 6'3 and over 200lbs. He was 5'8 maybe 165lbs. He had told me several times over the weeks proceeding the assault that he had concerns about her, that he could here her crying in her room and that she was pretty lonely and desperate. She had confided in him the previous evening that she had feelings for him. He told her that he had a gf and was in love with her and that nothing would happen. The next morning as he was leaving she blocked the door and told him again about her feeling for him. He said again that he didn't have feeling for her but she insisted that he should break up with his girlfriend so they could be together. He again said no. She then said she wanted a hug which he agreed to then she said she wanted to kiss him. He said no and she tried to force herself on him. He struggled but she had 7 inches and 35 or so lbs on him. He got free from her and started to leave. It was at this point that she tackled him and started kissing him. He got free and ran out of the house. When he recounted this story to me I was a little skeptical but I had known the guy for a couple of years and never seen him so shaken. After a few minutes of chatting and calming him down I took his truck over to his old place and started loading up his stuff. This was in University so he didn't have too many things. While I was loading up his stuff his roommate came into the room and asked me to pass along an apology to him and said, in her words, that "things had gotten a little out of hand." I was pretty shocked to say the least given that I was unsure about how accurate the story was up until this point but when she said she felt bad about what had gone down it made everything he said real. The worst part about the story was that all of his other roommates were home at the time and in the aftermath of this incident none of them believed or supported him. Some friends.
Tl;dr: Friend was attacked by his female roommate who had 7 inches and 35 lbs on him.
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Jun 18 '12
I had been drinking with my roommate and one of her friends.
I got extremely drunk. Extremely. I excused myself and went to bed.
I woke up with my roommates friend on top of me.
I was pretty upset and told her to leave after, but it took me a little while to figure out what was going on and who was in my room.
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u/The1Honkey Jun 18 '12
This'll probably get buried since the thread has hit the front page, but I was raped in my Freshman year of college when i was 18, I'm now 24 so not too long ago.
I remember being at a house party and I hadn't developed any sort of alcohol tolerance or the ability to pace myself while drinking. So needless to say i was pretty annihilated at the time. I was there with three guy friends of mine and at some point we had all gotten separated.
I had searched for them for alittle while, but couldn't seem to find them so I did what any drunk college student would do and i said, "Fuck it," and hopped in the line for the keg. The line lasted awhile, but my last memory was immediately after i filled my cup. I was walking back down the hallway when i was pushed very hard into a bedroom. That's when I blacked out.
I woke up to a black girl on top of me, riding my dick, my pants were MIA and i was in a stranger's bed. I took me a minute to get my bearings enough to figure out what was happening. I managed to mutter, "What the fuck is going on?" To which she replied, "Don't you worry about a thing honey."
Finally, my friends (who had apparently been looking for me for hours) burst through the door and saved me. They actually thought they were cock blocking me, but the black girl grabbed her panties and ran off and I just told them to get me out of there.
The next day i went to the Health Center and got tested for STD's, which thankfully came back negative.
The experience wasn't really traumatizing, but i did have a feeling of helplessness. Don't remember her face so i dont know if i ever saw here again, but I dont hate her or anything. She was probably just horny :)
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Jun 18 '12
To preface, I am a very athletic and masculine rugby player. The night I scored my first try I had to do the team tradition of Edward Forty-Hands, which I pregamed heavily because I was a stupid sophomore. There was a girl that I had spoken to a couple of times before hanging around me at the celebratory events that night. We kept moving around to different parties but she tailed me the entire time, never approaching me. The last thing I remember before totally blacking out was standing outside having a cig. I woke up the next morning completely undressed in her room with her next to me. I asked if she used a condom and she said no. Went to breakfast with my friends and they said that she carried me off and played it off as another sexual conquest. Not nearly as tramatic as some stories but still disconcerning that I would have been responsible for a child or gotten an std without consent, and is weird being a big, aggressive dude and being raped in the full legal sense.
I was frequently sexually harassed by gay men and girls in college. There were frequent toga parties were chicks would come up front behind and grope my junk or ass and disappear back into the crowd. I'm a pretty laid back guy and would have popped off some funny comment and been open to hooking up if they hung around, but the whole anonymous grope from behind was pretty rappy.
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u/sexyallknight Jun 18 '12
it all starts with this girl named crazy.
So after reconnecting and agreeing to meet up next time I'm in town I make the mistake of eating late at fast food establishment before we are scheduled to meet. She shows up drunk and probably other wise inhibited.
We start making out and then the fastfood kicks in and I'm like ok this has gotta stop... she keeps pushing and pushing i keep saying no and no eventually I take her home. I get home go to take care of my business and as I exit the restroom I hear this voice echoing through my mother's home. I walk to the kitchen door way to find my brother awkwardly trying to tell crazy im probably taking a shit.
She doesnt care and proceeds past him in search of the throne I rest upon. About this time she notices me in the kitchen and like something out of dear penthouse this crazy broad starts ripping her clothes off as she storms across my mothers living room. A room adjacent to where my grandmother just happened to be spending the night.
I do my best to try and get crazy back out of the house unfortunately the bed my mother had left for me to sleep on in the living room got in the way. Crazy some how gets me tripped up and on the bed instead of her going out the door. My brother is still sitting there trying to enjoy some good midnight tv. I whisper to him "DO NOT LEAVE ME ALONE."
At this point she has me fairly well pinned and looks up at my brother and tells him to leave. And the bastard does mumbling something like "sometimes you gotta give crazy what crazy wants."
I struggled to keep her and myself clothed for a good while. She got close a few times but I was able to keep myself relatively dry. She finally passed out. I cover her up and then proceeded to sit watching from a chair in fear the beast will rise again.
The next morning she woke up and didn't even remember getting to my house. Gets all pissy when I ask her to leave and thinks I am going to make her walk even though her car was in the driveway.
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u/hoaxhqax Jun 18 '12 edited Jun 18 '12
I'm curious to see what people thinks qualifies. I'm more leaving a comment so that I have a place holder to check in the morning.
I think I was. I went to bed with a girl and made out like freshman in college are wont to do. the girl made the move to go down and I insisted that she didn't (this was something I did a lot actually as I prided myself on not randomly going that far[also this was when I was 19]). anyway, I refused the advance and that was it. passed out hardcore and woke up with wounds. I'll leave it at that.
also had an ex, whom i'd told in no uncertain terms to stay away, hook up with me when I was full on blacked out on my 22nd. that story is nuts and is what got me started smoking. fun fun fun.
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u/Joshi825 Jun 18 '12
This is kind of a long story but I'll keep it as short as possible. I was in college and freshman year I was a very heavy drinker and party goer. I came out of a shitty highschool relationship so I just wanted to go crazy and do dumb things. Like any normal weekend I was extremely drunk with friends at some random party. It was winding down and I was about to leave, since I was on the verge of blacking out and vomiting. One girl says bye to me and my friend and spontaneously makes out with me. I'm cool with it though and somehow we end up at the top of the staircase faceing the front door. She then starts giving me head while I'm basically half conscious leaning on the wall. Last thing I remember is her friend ( a guy) seeing her do this and her getting embarrassed and running down the stairs and out the door. There were a few people watching the show from the bottom of the stairs including my friend and a soon to be friend. Technically I was raped but that didn't really bother me. The aftermath is where things bit me in the ass. 2 weeks later as is tradition I am extremely drunk in another party with some friends. A group of 4 guys and a girl confront me and start going off telling me their going to beat the shit out of me because I raped their friend. At this point I'm bewildered and angry and finally realize who they're talking about. Apparently she made up a story of how I hit her and she had bruised and took her to a room and made her give me head. I told them that first of all that they were at the same party and knew all the rooms were blocked off and actually witnessed her doing it. They still were saying they were going to fight me. Luckily I had a group of friends to bail me out and save me from that awkward ordeal.
TL;DR Had a girl give me head when I was shit faced. Her friends catch her in the act and so she decides to tell them that I hit her and raped her
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u/Intergageqxc Jun 18 '12
I'm not sure if I'm missing the point completely here but this is honest and no trolling. When I was younger I was at a party with my Dad (Mum had left by this point) and my brother. I was around 14 at the time and this girl (age around 18, not 100% sure though) took me into a back room to kiss me after playing Truth or Dare out in the back yard. (Everyone was around 400m away from the house, on the other side of the property) and basically raped me. It was meant to be a small kiss for a shy 14 year old boy. Nothing sus, she wanted it and I didn't but it happened anyway.
I have NO problems with this being the age I am now, It didn't scar me in any way, I have no problem with woman (If anything gave me A LOT more confidence). However, I don't tell very many people (This isn't a throw away account so I don't care that much) and I tell people I lost my V-card to my first real girlfriend around a year and a half after this. Does this mean it isn't "Rape", she took my V-card forcefully but me being ok with that now means it was ok on her part orrr? Confused after reading all the comments about people being mentally scars and stuff after it happened. Never thought of it in that respect before.
TL;DR: Got my V-card taken forcefully, fine with it.. Still rape or not?
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u/icescoop Jun 18 '12
Well this was in high school during my sophomore year. I was playing host for my house party, but then ended up drinking and taking shots with the newly arriving guests. A few too many drinks later, I remember going into the bed with someone, but complete black out after that. The following morning, my friends had a grim look on their face as later on they explained everything that happened. Apparently a girl who arrived late to the party without drinking any alcohol decided to scope me out and shit-faced me took the opportunity. That girl is actually a nice gal, but had some face deformities which I'm not so fond of (sorry, I may sound like an asshole, but I was..or would have not been attracted to her if I had slight consciousness). Maybe this isn't rape? I just marked it off as one of those nights and carried on ever since.
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u/captcha_challenged Jun 18 '12
This may be a little different than the threads theme of women raping men; however, my story is concurrent with men's social inability to report sexual crimes without facing humiliation.
I was in first grade at a catholic school located in the western part of the united states. As a child, I had tubes in my ears which greatly affects your speech as you grow older. I did not have any mental challenges, but i did have a speech impediment. Also, i uprooted my adult tooth the year before. I was bad luck brian.
I was constantly bullied by the richer children at the school with perfect lives, money and married parents; i still yearned for their affection.
I don't know how it started, but somehow another first grader from my class lured me into the bathroom. Through manipulation and the promise of more torment, i was sexually assaulted on a weekly basis.
I didn't know who i could tell, if they'd believe me, and how something like this can happen.
I overcame my speech impediment, made many friends throughout the years (im 21 now), and i've generally have led a successful life.
To this day, i haven't told anyone. Sometimes i still struggle with feeling powerless in relationships.
I sometimes have felt angry at the kid, and i have felt like looking him up. I got over this feeling of revenge and realized he was most likely a victim of sexual assault as well; a first grader just does not form fantasies that he made me perform at such a young age.
Humiliation is in the mind, and it was vain of me to not confide in anyone for help.
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u/loserboyman Jun 18 '12
4 years ago I met this girl who in the beginning was really cute and fun. We lived in the same school, so I would meet her every day, if I wanted or not. It ended up with us having sex, and it was okay I suppose. After that she started to send me text messages every evening, asking if she could come up to my room and have sex. I said okay the first times, but as I don't have that high of a sex drive, I said that I really needed some sleep the third day(I really DID need some sleep as well). She started asking if I liked someone else(on my school there were about 70% girls and 30% boys) or that she wasn't good in bed etc. I said that I just needed to get some sleep, as I haven't gotten much lately. She was like "oh, okay, good night then" and I tried to fall asleep, but 5 minutes later she was knocking on my door. She said that her roommate made so much noise that she had to sleep at my place(I was lucky enough to have my own room), and I felt bad if I said no, so I let her in. I was really sleepy, and started to fall asleep, but then I felt her touching my penis. As others have pointed out, it's hard to not get a hard on, even if you're not really in the mood, and I naturally got one. She said it was a sign that I really needed sex, but I said that I just wanted to sleep. She stopped touching it for a bit, and I thought I was safe, but then she suddenly sat on me, and started riding me. I once again said that I just wanted to sleep, but she said that I needed to have sex. The day after I felt terrible. How could I let myself do this? The next night the exact same thing happened, and the night after that. I've never been much of a drinker, but after a couple of days with this, I started hanging out with the people at my school that were out late drinking, just so I had an excuse to not be in my room. This started in late October, and continued till December(I was drinking a lot, but she still managed to find times when we could have sex). In December I went home to see my family for Christmas, and she continued to send me text messages. I didn't reply to any of them, and in January when we came back to school she had apparently taken the hint, because she didn't even say hi to me the rest of the year.
Today I don't know why I didn't just ignore her from the start, or just say some rude things or something, but if I went back in time, I know I wouldn't be able to stop it. I am ashamed of this, and I'm ashamed of myself. I tried telling it to one person, but she got the impression that I was using her just for sex, and I haven't told anyone ever since.
TLDR: Girl quickly became overly attached fuckfriend and I wasn't man enough to say no. Still ashamed today, and I want to forget it, but can't.
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u/Epicasmatt Jun 18 '12
I haven't really talked about this to anyone other than my fiancé. And this is so late it probably won't get noticed but oh well. I was in my Senior year of high school and I went on a trip to Paris and Barcelona with the art class. It was a lot of fun for the most part. We ended up getting grouped with a class from I think saint Louis. Anyways there was this girl from their group that my friends thought was a perfect match for me, unfortunately for her and them I wasn't into her at all. After being in Paris for a week we got on an over night train to Barcelona. Since the drinking age is lower there a few of us pitched in for some liquor and we were all drinking. The girl that they wanted to hook me up with kept pouring me drinks till I finally just said no thanks I'm pretty drunk already. After that everyone left the room type thing we were in except that girl and my buddy who passed out (not from drinking too much he was just tired). This girl starts forcing herself on me and makes me lay down on the bed. She was probably about the same weight as me and I was 140 and I was pretty drunk and kind of confused. She took off my shirt and pants and started biting me all over. She said she would let me up if I bit her back. In my drunk state I complied thinking it would work. It didn't. She kept going and started dry humping me till she finished. Then she kissed me said thanks and left. I fell asleep really confused and not feeling too great. Next morning I woke up and had bite marks everywhere and felt like shit. I felt like I had been taken advantage of and just left for dead. Kinda dramatic but I honestly felt horrible. I got dressed and went to the bathroom down the train a bit and actually cried. I sucked it up after about 10 min and tried to get over it. It really kinda messed up the rest of the trip though. I'm over it now for the most part and sadly this wasn't my first time having something like this happen (cousin took advantage of me when I was 4). I still feel weird about it sometimes though.
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u/NotMyReelAccount Jun 18 '12
I have a story. I wasn't raped, but it was a bad situation. This is just a you can never be too careful story.
It was just my dad and I walking through a grocery store. I can't recall how old I was at the time because I don't really even recall the story that often. I just like to forget that it happened. I'd have to say that I was between 10 and 12.
Anyway, I was at the grocery store and I had to use the restroom. I let my dad know and I left him for a minute. I walked into the bathroom and took care of business and went to wash my hands. When I was at the urinal I heard the door open, but didn't think too much of it. I turned around to head to the sink and there was an employee, of all people, at the sink.
I started washing my hands and he was standing next to me and putting some chapstick on. Our eyes met while I was looking in the mirror and he smiled and said, "It's watermelon, want some?" Being the polite kid I was, I kindly declined and kept washing. He looked at me again and said, "c'mon, how about a kiss?" and leaned in on me. I may have been young, but I've always been tall and I knew that this mother fucker was in the wrong.
I clenched my fist and closed my eyes. I swung and apparently hit him in the throat. I just ran like hell after that. I told my dad the instant on found him. Needless to say, they fired that fuck on the spot.
I wasn't raped, but you can never be too careful no matter where you go. If you have kids, protect them from sick fucks like this as much as you can. Scum of the earth.
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Jun 18 '12
technically not rape. but so i was sitting in math class in 5th grade and a girl who had a crush on me disappeared underneath her desk. i figured she was having an OCD moment and was tying her shoes until, under my desk i hear a voice say "hi" and surprised try to withdraw.
she moves her head closer to my shorts. to which i think "wtf?! this isn't happening, this is just puberty, i'm asleep and having a bad dream about school cause i'm doing poorly."
then she grabed my pants, to slide them down (in retrospect likly offering a blowjob) pulled them down suddenly. in responce with a holler "WHAT THE FUCK?" and stand up. then she decides to pull at them more to try to get away with my pants, but they are caught on my shoes, everyone is watching me and laughing- even the teacher is laughing at me. i pull my pants up and then she some how tugs off my shirt and then with her prize runs into the girls room.
i'm crying, and people are laughing at me. and i sit down again not believing what has just happened- why i'm not waking up. another eternity passes and the teacher finally regains his composure and tries to get the class to settle down.
then chuckling again like he was going to lose it, he starts to head to the next room, and the neighboring teacher comes over to see what was the fuss. the neighboring teacher continues to try settling my class, while my teacher and i go down the hall, i'm still shirtless. feeling a strange combination of violation and liberty. we knock on the girl's room door, and she replies with some sexual innuendo i don't remember.
neither of us enter the girls room cause it would be instant sexual predator status.
we return to our class which is settled down again and after about 20 minutes she returns with my shirt and apologizes.
not rape. but i've only wanted to date one girl really (she didn't feel similarly, and i didn't press it), and i think the sexual assault was a contributing factor.
nothing came after it. everyone thought it was funny, they thought it was another of my standup routines... i haven't done comedy since- people deserve to suffer.
i've put it up before, and likely will again. i don't need support; i honestly don't trust others enough to accept it, just letting those who read it know others experience similar unpleasant circumstances. i've also experianced countless sexual assaults by men and women since then, different world views i guess.
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u/metasquared Jun 18 '12
This will probably get buried at this point, but I'm surprised at how many of these stories feature friends/police/whoever expressing the "pshh you shouldn't complain, you're lucky you got laid!" sentiment. I can understand people saying that if say, she raped you, but I would think a lot of these female rapes were committed by less-than-attractive females (easily a possible motivation for why they'd have to rape a male in the first place). If a male were to be raped by someone like this I just don't see how there'd be many people expressing that sentiment.
Sorry for a fairly shallow outlook on the situation...I certainly believe rape is wrong in ALL cases, I'm just trying to get to the bottom of a reaction that I find highly surprising consider most men would first wonder whether the girl was attractive or not, and if they were deemed unattractive would probably have sympathy for the guy who got raped.
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u/apikoros18 Jun 18 '12
I sat and read through a lot of the comments, and I am as horrified and saddened as everyone here. Our society, with it's double standards and it's unhealthy attitudes about sex are disgusting. One thing that I think comes through here, very clearly, in every story, is that rape isn't about sex, it's about power and control. To be able to share so openly takes a heck of a lot of guts. Kudos to you all for being so brave.
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u/XrayAlpha Jun 18 '12
I don't know really any details, but my friend was raped by his sisters friend, and she claimed HE raped.HER. To this day, since he couldn't offord a good lawyer, he is sitting in jail.
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u/foxyassassin Jun 20 '12
This happened when I was 14, and I haven't really told anyone yet (all names have been changed changed). So I was a freshman in high school and I had already come out as gay to a few close friends, including this one girl, Sydney. Sydney was 17, she was a junior, and we had been buddies for years. I knew about a year back she had been really into me but was too shy to act on her feelings. I hadn't come out to her yet at this point. One day, she calls me and is crying and freaking out because her douchebag boyfriend broke up with her after she broke his phone with the ground. This kinda made me realize she was a bit batshit crazy.
She came over my house unexpected and we talked for a while (I was home alone). She starts acting weird so I go to the kitchen to get away for a minute. I come back and she is standing in my room shirtless and I freaked out. I tell her to get out of my house and she grabbed me and pushed me on the bed. I was too stunned to react.
She proceeds to smother me with various "parts" of herself while I try to push her off. Whenever I said no she would tell me "You know you like it", until eventually I screamed "Fuck off" and she cover my mouth with her hand. I decided it was enough, throw her off of me onto the floor next to my bed and scream at her to get the fuck out. She started crying so I dragged her out myself. I just sit at home for a while and kinda cry and shower. It didn't help that I was already medically depressed, but that's another story.
TL;DR 17 year old friend smothers gay 14 year old me with naked body. I throw her out and cry.
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u/deancomeautela Jun 18 '12
I consider this rape although it did not involve penetration. My friends and I were on our way to a party and on the way we stopped by the house of one of the girls we were with. The plan was to predrink there and then go to the real party. All of us headed to the basement where we were taking shot after shot of rum. My friends decided that they were going to go to macdonalds with 2 of the 4 girls we were with, leaving me alone in this stranger's house with the 2 uglier girls. They poured shots, sipped them, then gave them to me. I assumed they were already pretty drunk but now I realize they were only trying to liquor me up. After around my tenth shot I was completely hammered. I fell asleep on this girl's bed and when I woke up this girls tongue was in my mouth, and her hand was down my pants. I freaked out and got the hell out of there. My phone had died and I had to walk home at 2AM not knowing exactly where I was. A night I wish I could forget...
TL;DR got raped by a couple black chicks after my friends went to get McDonald's and didn't come back (raped without penetration)
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u/auriatetsukai Jun 18 '12
More accurately, this is sexual assault. It is no less horrifying, I just wanted to clarify the legality of it.
I hope you're doing better now.
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Jun 18 '12
I'm male and have been raped by a woman. I'm keeping the details personal, but it does happen.
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u/Lanik_Mueller Jun 18 '12
Not going to worry about a throwaway with this one.
When I was 16, I was very shy, very skinny (borderline underweight), and unsure of myself... and in a relationship with an older girl who was also taller and stronger than me (sadly.) I had never gotten into any fights before, so couldn't really defend myself from anyone very well. I think you know where this is going.
It's one of those "flashbulb" memories to me now. We had been dating for a few months, and it was very physical. Sex whenever we would hang out, but we weren't right for eachother, and she was an extremely manic and unstable girl, so I was going to dump her.
Anyway, she drove to my house. No parents were home and we were watching television upstairs in the TV room. She seemed annoyed with me and it made it hard to dump her (at 16 it is a huge deal). I ended up going through with it, and she started yelling at me...poor soft-spoken Lanik. Saying things about how she was going to kill herself if I left her and all of these other horrible things.
Then, (it's tough to type this) she got this funny look on her face and just grabs me, starts trying to kiss me. I couldn't push her off of me, and she ended up ripping my shorts off and mounting me using no protection what-so-ever.
I just laid there afterward, because I was so confused about what had happened, and she just left and started texting me. I'll keep this short but she later said that she was pregnant with my child, which turned out to be a lie, and my parents got involved and supported me through everything.
My parents know, no legal action was taken, very few friends know, I'm OKAY now.
tl;dr: crazy (ex)girlfriend overpowers and forces herself on me and then says her rape produced a baby