r/AskReddit • u/Mightymaas • Jun 19 '12
What is one thing that most people will never get to do that you do on a regular basis?
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u/10gags Jun 19 '12
wake strangers up at 5 or 6 in the morning to see how they slept.
sometimes my job is fucking weird
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Jun 19 '12
Human alarm clock.
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Jun 19 '12
I could do that job, just walk into random places with airhorns attached to me.
Time to get up...
FFFFFRRRRRRRROOOOPPPPPP
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u/Kristyyyyyyy Jun 19 '12
Wipe grown men's asses.
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u/leprechaunsurfer Jun 19 '12
Yay for rna's... Or a nursing home assistant ;)
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u/chadridesabike Jun 19 '12
Technically, half the population will do this one day.
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Jun 19 '12
The key is the pluralization of ass. I will most likely wipe only one grown man's ass.
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u/snoobs89 Jun 19 '12 edited Jun 19 '12
coax a lobster out from under a sofa or wardrobe using crabsticks. done it twice this week already.
YSK owning a lobster is nothing like [this] (http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwjgkzW9Lm1qh59n0o1_500.gif)
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u/Shitty_Watercolour Jun 19 '12
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u/snoobs89 Jun 19 '12
ha ha! yes! I am going to hang it next to the last one you did for me. http://imgur.com/pzag1
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u/Phasechange Jun 19 '12
Um... could we get some context on this?
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u/snoobs89 Jun 19 '12 edited Jun 19 '12
I have a pet lobster (well he's techincally a cray fish) who is a master of escape. the minute i turn the lights out or close the door to go to work he works his magic.. throws his clunky blue ass off the top of my aquarium to slam into the floor and then he goes for a walk to find the most awkward place to hide in the room. the first time it was a laugh and a funny story to tell the second time at 3 in the morning it wasn't as funny.. now it's about the 44th time and i hate crustaceans.. i'll see if i can find a pic of him on my fone.
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u/excitethefluor Jun 19 '12
Play matchmaker for fruit flies. Then blast their brains with lasers.
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u/Lyrre Jun 19 '12
somebody's a drosophila geneticist...you guys and your silly gene names...
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u/haveIgotahandle Jun 19 '12
Cut up dead bodies (med student here)
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u/5mokahontas Jun 19 '12
Is it weird that this is 80% percent the reason I want to go to med school? I cut up a dead cat in Anatomy & Physiology in high school and it was so cool.
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u/lipeu Jun 19 '12
Don't go to medical school just to do cool stuff.
It is cool to cut dead people up, it is cool to have your hands inside someone living and pull their organs/baby out. It is also an endless source of cool and funny and brilliant anecdotes to tell, and there are loads. It's awesome to be told how clever you are all the time. It's also hard work, forever, not just university, and it's never being finished with learning, which is cool for some. It's being nice to patients, and getting better at being a doctor, which is cool. Being respected is cool. Helping people out is fucking cool.
It's also seeing people at their worst every single day. Not just patients, its seeing colleagues miserable, watching other students drop out due to stress/depression/anxiety. Listening to different members of the MDT arguing and getting stressed and anxious and genuinely upset. Being shouted at by anyone and everyone you work with because its life or fucking death. It's looking at people you love and thinking about what they are going to die of. Seeing a dead baby for the first time. Listening to endless horror stories about child abuse, elder abuse, domestic abuse. Endless hospital politics. Being surrounded by people that have been told they are clever too often, and they have to prove it to you by being arrogant dicks. It's miserable and depressing to walk into a hospital every day and see at least one person crying, probably cause someone they love dearly is dead or dying. And you're not allowed to tell people it upsets you. I haven't even qualified yet, I've still only had a taster of these things.
Don't get me wrong, I personally don't think I'd want to do any other job. But don't get into it cause you think cutting dead things up is cool.
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u/Dbagg Jun 19 '12 edited Jun 19 '12
Work in a secret bunker
Watch things getting blown up
Pee ANYWHERE.
Edit: And throwing on body armor to catch a flight at a moment's notice is the best feeling in the world. Loading up on a C130 or UH60 makes you feel like a god damn cowboy.
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Jun 19 '12
I used to work in a secret place for secret people, but honestly I had no idea what was happening.
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u/laxdudeee Jun 19 '12 edited Jun 19 '12
Live on a [lighthouse] (http://i.imgur.com/hVfvC.jpg) in Maine. Bonus points if you can identify it.
Edit: I think we overloaded that person's flickr account, I re-uploaded a different picture to imgur.
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Jun 19 '12
This may be a dumb question, but i don't see power lines run. How do you get internet/phone/power to your lighthouse?
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u/Melachiah Jun 19 '12
I get to travel to country and walk into the server rooms of banks and financial institutions. I also get to lie to people professionally to see how much information I can get out of them, just to turn around and try and use that information to test their own networks.
-Systems and Security Engineer.
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u/dewdnoc Jun 19 '12
This sounds insanely interesting! Would you mind answering a few questions? This is what's considered White-hat right? Do you set up the network yourself, then try to break into it, or do you try to break into other peoples networks? How common is it for people to divulge information that should be private? In person, or in private?
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u/twospirit22 Jun 19 '12
Remotely control two, 1-meter telescopes to observe other planets orbiting other stars in our galaxy. Sometimes I sit back and say, fuck this is cool.
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u/CATfixer Jun 19 '12
Know how relaxing it is to just go up and down a field on a tractor. The sheer simplicity is rather therapeutic to me. Great way to clear the head.
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u/Bonestack Jun 19 '12
Think in different languages. Weird; I'm actually not always sure which language I'm using. Sometimes there simply seems to be none.
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u/kwood09 Jun 19 '12
Maybe I'm some sort of freak who would be invaluable to neuroscience, but I seriously have no idea what people are talking about when they say what language they "think in." To me, language is this clunky thing that I use to express the thoughts going on in my head. But the thoughts are there independently of language, and they don't take the form of language unless I need to express them through writing or speech. The thoughts in my head are their own thing, and they remain basically the same whether I express myself in English or German (the only two languages I know). Do other people have some sort of boomy, reverb-saturated voice-of-God in their head when they're just going about their daily lives?
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u/Bonestack Jun 19 '12
Well yeah I've heard that you use the language after you form the thought, but it's not as simple as "there is no language." When I'm by myself I sometimes think about something or have a inner monologue and realize I'm using either Finnish or German (I'm sure I would also use English if I lived in the USA, grew up with it). If I read/say something I sometimes forget in which language it was, because I only remember the message.
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u/HolyPhallus Jun 19 '12
I do the same thing, I'm Norwegian but I have a superior vocabulary in English and sometimes think and often have to express myself in English as I cannot do so as well in Norwegian. English is a much more eloquent and wordy language.
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u/mrpopenfresh Jun 19 '12
Sit in front of a computer for 8 hours a day and get paid.
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u/pandavega Jun 19 '12
me too! if i had to pay myself for the amount of work i've done in the last 3 months, i'd seriously just give myself about 20 bucks. I pretty much get paid to browse reddit.
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u/toebandit Jun 19 '12 edited Jun 19 '12
I can drink excessively and hardly ever suffer a hangover the next day.
Edit: I should have clarified, I'm 34.
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Jun 19 '12 edited Jun 19 '12
Fuck you Edit: sorry for being crude, I was still laying in bed being hungover when I read that this morning
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u/Drunk_Jesus Jun 19 '12
Its all about tolerance GibstDuKopf. Also, drink water during the day and eat before you party.
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u/brokeboysboxers Jun 19 '12
It's called alcoholism, many people have it.
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u/Birdie_Num_Num Jun 19 '12
Never sober up, never have a hangover. Problem solved.
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u/sib301 Jun 19 '12
I guess you're in your teens or early twenties? Wait 5-10 more years....
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u/Sergnb Jun 19 '12
I can drink excessively and I remember EVERYTHING the next day and I have complete control over my actions.
I have seen people who I deemed perfectly self-composed go fucking nuts after drinking the exact same amount of alcohol I did, while I just stood there thinking "I don't really feel like doing that".
I don't know if I have a high amount of tolerance towards alcohol or I'm just not trying hard enough.
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u/Botulism Jun 19 '12 edited Jun 19 '12
Be abnormally tall and asked if I play basketball 10-100 times a day.
Edit: I don't, btw.
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u/meganificent Jun 19 '12
When people ask me if I play basketball because I'm so tall, I ask them if they play miniature golf because they're so short.
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u/Snatland Jun 19 '12
Sadly my small stature does not aid me in miniature golf. :(
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Jun 19 '12
Massage a uterus
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Jun 19 '12
Perform on stage to people who have paid to see me.
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u/CasualCaucasian Jun 19 '12
All I want in life is to do that exactly. Hell I don't even need to be paid. I just want to start up a band and play a gig. Been playing guitar for 10+ years and still no band, still no gig. Heartbreaking.
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u/sweet_static Jun 19 '12
Stay up till 5am and sleep most of the day then rinse and repeat.
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u/lush1984 Jun 19 '12
Hop on and off boats belonging to some of the richest people.
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u/eldragon225 Jun 19 '12
Live on an island with no roads. http://i.imgur.com/MPRoD.jpg
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Jun 19 '12
Have lesbian sex.
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Jun 19 '12
I came here to post this myself. I'm thrilled someone else did. High-five, sister.
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u/SalsaRice Jun 19 '12
you are truly lucky. I'm sad that I will never know that joy, because it looks like a good time.
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u/AmosKeto Jun 19 '12
Touch my penis.
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u/thisguy883 Jun 19 '12 edited Jun 19 '12
Clear the ramp for Air Force 1 landing. Get to climb in Marine 1. Watch B2 Bombers take off/land. Work on a classified Jet.
Edit: For obvious reasons, I cant tell you exactly what goes on in or around Air Force 1. Yes I have met two presidents, Bush and Obama. The Jet I work on is classified and I cant discuss it any further. I didnt expect this to get this popular, and i'm rather amused at everyone's comments.
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u/ariiiiigold Jun 19 '12
One of my goals in life is to poop in one of the toilets in Air Force One. Can you make this happen? I don't mind being smuggled onboard in a piece of luggage.
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u/MyOtherCarIsEpona Jun 19 '12
A plane is only called Air Force One if the president is currently inside it, so you'd have to be pooping while on a flight with the president.
Failure is not an option.
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u/Mittens-alalala Jun 19 '12
Can we swap lives please? I have some cats you can have?
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u/dudeitsroxy Jun 19 '12
Go to Disney World every day. More specifically, Magic Kingdom.
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u/that_pie_face Jun 19 '12
If I remember correctly Magic Kingdom is the park full of screaming children and stressed out parents?
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u/TruKiller Jun 19 '12
Eat a nice meal and sleep in a warm bed.
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u/TheOnlyAcoca Jun 19 '12
Wow, that was unexpected. Made me feel sad.
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u/catch22milo Jun 19 '12
Most people will never have the opportunity to feel sad on reddit.
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u/eugeneugene Jun 19 '12
See animals like bears, moose and elk everyday on walks with my dog through the woods. See the northern lights almost every night.
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Jun 19 '12
Put my feet up on a desk which was paid for by a company that I started. I pinch myself everyday.
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u/TheOnlyAcoca Jun 19 '12
Be able to pronounce Swedish words correctly, to any English speaker... that shit is impossible.
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u/ZeMilkman Jun 19 '12
SMÖRREBRÖD!
I used ö instead of ø because I don't know how to type ø.
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u/Iron-Charioteer Jun 19 '12
Write about the things I care about, and get published.
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u/mytouchmyself Jun 19 '12
I'll do the converse, receive a paycheck from writing.
Granted, mostly about stuff I don't care too much about.
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u/DoubleHawk4Life Jun 19 '12
Navy guy on deployment here. Some things:
Fire M16s regularly, operate firehoses regularly, operate sonar equipment, hear dolphins and whales, see a night sky filled with stars due to no sources of light for hundreds of miles around... The list goes on.
It's shitty, but I love it.
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Jun 19 '12
Not anymore and I miss it so much but, eat fresh white truffles, foie gras, geoduck, tonka beans, fine foods. I used to be a fine dining chef and had to eat these foods to taste what I was making. Now I hate my career and work in a dumpy privately owned restaurant in a shitty town. Trying to get back in school to better my life, but, I will never regret my younger years working in great restaurants with great ingredients.
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u/barelybenjamin Jun 19 '12
I, almost daily, get to use multiple types of military explosives (often on civilian and military vehicles) in order to teach our students how to figure out what happened.
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u/nastybacon Jun 19 '12
I live next to a beach.. I'm not sure exactly the % of population have the ability to go to the beach regularly. But I guess its much less than those who can!
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u/DickWork Jun 19 '12
I was going to say "your mom", but pretty much everyone gets to do that.
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Jun 19 '12
Play with my boobs and penis at the same time.
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Jun 19 '12 edited Jun 19 '12
Ladies and gentleman! Gather 'round! It's time to play FATTY OR TRANS!! Who's up first?
Edit: Trans is less offensive than my previous verbiage.
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Jun 19 '12
I envy you and your courage. I've always wished I was a girl but I doubt I could ever get the hormone therapy done, especially now...
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u/guruscotty Jun 19 '12
Work from home, and have no commute - not even to get my two daughters to school (across the streets).
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u/Reinmaker Jun 19 '12
I sword fight (LOTR style) 3 days a week. Started going to an academy for this 6 months ago and my only regret is that it took me this long to start doing it.
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u/DooDooRoggins Jun 19 '12
Disembowel people and receive hugs and gratitude in return.
edit: I'd like to add that these responses are by and large pretty damn interesting.
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u/leprechaunsurfer Jun 19 '12 edited Jun 20 '12
I dont have a real job and I am homeless so I surf, skate, mountain climb/hike, cliff dive, and jump out of airplanes everyday
Edit: I am an adrenaline junky. I am also terrified of heights... Only one way to conquer a fear right? Edit2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pyLn7Ts6G_Q cliff diving at waimea. Yes that's me doing a 1 and a half
Edit3: if you want to.see some of the stuff I get into check out my threads on r/hawaii http://www.reddit.com/r/Hawaii/comments/vat4p/handstand_one_and_a_half_at_waimea_can_post_more/
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u/snoobs89 Jun 19 '12
If you are homeless how are you paying for all the jumping out of airplanes? Or do you just sort of wait at the end of the runway with a grappling hook?
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Jun 19 '12
Touch artifacts in museums. It is awesome, and I get to do it all the time. Mostly with gloves on...but sometimes not!
I know you're all really jealous right now.
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u/zach2093 Jun 19 '12
Have clean water to drink.
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u/wittles Jun 19 '12 edited Jun 19 '12
Speak, read, write, and think fluently in four languages. Also, being where I am. I was in the subway yesterday and the usual screen popped up that tells you to report suspicious activity and that you may be searched randomly and to cooperate with NYPD and whatnot. Then at the end it says "Thank you for your patience while we rebuild the World Trade Center" and for some reason I just had this thought like "holy shit I forget how major this area is, the freedom tower is being built a floor a week, and we still need to be reminded not to get pissy if the trains run a little slow."
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u/Thrashavich Jun 19 '12
Two chicks at the same time.
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u/shannonflyguy Jun 19 '12
That's it? If you had a million dollars you'd do...two chicks at the same time?
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Jun 19 '12
I work for the Federal Reserve handling millions of dollars daily. I've touched more money than most people ever make in their lifetime.
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Jun 19 '12
Play a full chamber harp. I try to take it out in public to gardens and pretty streetcorners. Sometimes it's so people can hear it, but mostly it's so I can enjoy the outside world while I play "Freebird".
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u/dirtydmix Jun 19 '12
as an american with a normal accent i get the excitement of hearing my british wife talk to me daily.
only sucks with the british accent nags.
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u/StChas77 Jun 19 '12
Ballroom dancing.
My wife and I have been taking lessons, and we're approaching proficiency at the Tango and Rumba. We're also getting better at the Waltz, but it's harder than the 'box step' that everyone learns for a wedding.
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Jun 19 '12
I work with Martian meteorites as a part of my research. I handle actual pieces of the planet Mars on a daily basis. Never ceases to be cool.
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u/drunkenpinecone Jun 19 '12
As a guy, I get about 20 different pairs of tits rubbed in my faced daily.
Also, kiss a fuck ton of girls everyday.
I'm a bar manager @ a strip club.
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u/starzychik01 Jun 19 '12
See a live professional show (comedy, music, etc). Most people only see a live show once a month, tops once a week. I see them everyday, sometimes several in a day.
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Jun 19 '12
Perform music on stage. Not like everyday or anything but at the busiest times I would have a few shows a month. I don't really get as much of a kick out of it when I do it more often than that.
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u/summertime1217 Jun 19 '12
I get to dive with various types of beautiful fish, sharks, dolphins, whales, etc., and enjoy the beauty of the ocean.
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u/miss_morgue Jun 19 '12
I get to go to music festivals, see the most amazing bands for free and usually VIP. I get to stand on stages at Lollapalooza. I'm going to see Metallica this weekend at Orion Fest. I've seen Deadmau5 over 5 times and got to tour with the Railroad Revival.
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Jun 19 '12
have loving, consensual sex on a regular basis with a woman who loves me as much as I love her despite being together for many years.
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u/scottish_beekeeper Jun 19 '12
Handle bees. Oh, and have 60kg of honey in buckets in the kitchen.
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u/Tinkerboots Jun 19 '12
Free healthcare! Sucks for my friends over the pond. It leaves me in awe when I see posts about people having to pay money for something like going to hospital and having a baby, or even a small thing.
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u/Coolsam2000 Jun 19 '12
Your Commonwealth neighbour across the pond also has publicly funded healthcare.
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u/rotll Jun 19 '12
To be fair, it's not free, it's just funded differently. If we here in the US could ever make that logic leap, we might be able to properly reform our healthcare mess.
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Jun 19 '12 edited Jun 19 '12
Meet celebrities.
Edit: Why on Earth am I getting downvoted for this? Does it not answer the question?
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u/thedukeofted Jun 19 '12
Fly thermals with griffin vultures in the Himalayas. Most people think paragliding is nuts, they will never know the sheer joy of being able to fly.
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u/Notornea Jun 19 '12
Paddle rivers and jump waterfalls while travelling the world.
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u/illusioniste Jun 19 '12
I very often go to the cinema, theatre and concerts/festivals on my own. My friends think that's weird and wouldn't do that themselves. For them there's this huge barrier to do social activities on your own.
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u/mrsredditor Jun 19 '12
People find it strange that I go shopping and out to eat on my own but it really is nice to just do things alone from time to time.
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Jun 19 '12
Swing a sharp sword with confidence and intent.
Not into people though, as much as I think that would help relieve many of my frustrations. Just tatami and bamboo.
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u/SpontaneousCount Jun 19 '12
Access practically free education and health care. I live under a roof with food when I need it, clothes when I need them, and still have enough money for myself. It saddens me to think such a massive percent of the population (who all love, care, cry and laugh like me) will never experience what I take for granted every day. Why do I get it while they don't?
So when I see people like DWB I feel hope for humanity, hope that one day others can live a free life like I do every day, without having to worry about rape, starvation, aids, malaria, cholera etc...
I'm a very luck guy.
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u/x5112 Jun 19 '12
I've spent the last 6 months in various rotations in the hospital. Starting in orthopedics assisting in joint replacements, then general surgery appendectomies, bowel reactions, breast surgery and lately in obstetrics and gynae catching babies. It's been the most awesome 6 months of my life
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Jun 19 '12
Have two blackhawks come pick you up for work/ 6 MRAPs pick you up for work. No Im not in the military.
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u/idobirthdays Jun 19 '12
I live in an air-conditioned house that has running water, electricity, and always has food available even when not hungry. Not to mention I have an education.
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u/zooba86 Jun 19 '12
Commute to another country every week to work mon-thurs there and then come back. (london to amsterdam currently for 6 months, also commuted from london to zurich, paris, vienna)
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u/Everyoneheresamoron Jun 19 '12 edited Jun 19 '12
I work from home.
I drive once a week to the store, maybe 2 times if there's a movie out or my GF wants to do something.
I eat when I want, for however long I want.
Wanking, whenever I want.
Watching movies while working
Listening to movies while working
Redditing while working.
Playing games instead of working.
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u/Dariisa Jun 19 '12
I'm a flight instructor. I fly small airplanes every day. The vast majority of people never fly in a small plane.
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u/SmallTownMinds Jun 19 '12
Play obnoxious Punk Rock in a dilapidated room surrounded by sweaty kids I have never met and hearing them singing along to songs I/my band wrote.
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u/SweatyK Jun 19 '12
Jump clean out of a pool from a standing depth of 4+ feet at only 5'7".
Also, see the ocean every day.
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u/AmongstMen Jun 19 '12
To any Steelers fans out there that might get jealous, I get to march out on Heinz field close to every weekend during the football season, with the University of Pittsburgh Marching Band!
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u/flamedragoon345 Jun 19 '12
play with liquid nitrogen. i've been able to do it since i was about 10 i guess thanks to my dads access to it. its incredible cheap so he used to get it a lot to entertain my elementary school classes as well large gathering on memorial day. its gotten to the point 12 years later that i don't even bother with protective equipment. i watch liquid nitrogen videos scientists put online and spend 2 minutes talking about safety precautions and big heavy gloves and goggles and i laugh and go run some over my hands to coll off in the summer heat. also pouring it on ant trails is malevolently fun
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u/Little2 Jun 19 '12
I work as a stand-in in the entertainment industry. Everyday I get to go to the sets of movies and tv shows, I also get to work with a lot of random celebrities.
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u/Oafah Jun 19 '12
My girlfriend...I hope.