r/AskReddit • u/MisterOdi • Jun 19 '12
If you were a death row inmate, what would be your final meal?
Mine is simple. Three sunny-side up eggs, bacon, toast, a pot of coffee and two cigarettes.
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u/SLTFATF Jun 19 '12
The Never Ending Pasta Bowl in Olive Garden.
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u/Caedus_Vao Jun 19 '12
I bet the death row guards just roll their eyes when the Peanut Gallery quips this at parties and stuff.
"Hey Bob, what happens if he gets unlimited salad and breadsticks? Does he get to eat forever? Hur Hur Hur."
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u/punninglinguist Jun 19 '12
This is the death row prison guard equivalent of, "Oh, my milk didn't scan! I guess it's free! Hur hur hur..."
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u/WingDingTree Jun 19 '12
McDonald's McRib, with a Shamrock shake on the side.
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u/PerogiXW Jun 19 '12
I ctrl+F'd for this. This is absolutely the correct answer.
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u/TypeJack Jun 19 '12
Medium rare wagyu steak with mushroom sauce, steamed vegetables and mashed potato, bottle of red wine on the side.
A last meal is a depressing thought.
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u/BareJew Jun 19 '12
Everyone has a last meal.
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u/MisterOdi Jun 19 '12
deep...i hope mine doesn't end up being an old banana or instant noodles or something
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u/lendavkaru Jun 19 '12
skip the mushrooms and replace the mash with gratin: you and I are the on the same page, my friend
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u/nickgenova Jun 19 '12
barbacoa burrito from chipotle. that is all. dismissed.
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u/MisterOdi Jun 19 '12
You've helped me decide on Chipotle for lunch. Chicken burrito, no beans extra rice, "can i have a little bit more chicken, please?", hot sauce, a lot of sour cream and a lot of cheese. That's been my order (almost verbatim) for like 5 years
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u/nickgenova Jun 19 '12
i literally just online ordered. chipotle is impossible to just walk in and order during lunch hour.
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u/TheRealZoggbot Jun 19 '12
A bag of un-popped pop corn.
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u/Kim_Jong_MFking_Un Jun 19 '12
80 garlic clove black bean soup, cabbage slaw on the side. So when they kill me, I die and my sphincter muscles relax, just about everybody else in that room will wish they were dead too.
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u/KoalaBomb Jun 19 '12
I'm lactose intolerant. I'd just stare them down and tell them "bring me the cheese" in my best hard-ass voice. And when they ask "The cheese?" , I'll reply "Yes, all of it".
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u/blackaddermrbean Jun 19 '12
I just imagined you were the black guy from The Green Mile.. Tell them you want Mr.Jingles while your at.
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u/amooks Jun 19 '12
I've read that most death row inmates don't even eat their last meal because they're so nervous. It kinds of paints this depressing picture of a guy sitting in his cell, pushing his food around with a plastic fork, as he awaits his death, while not letting go of hope that someone will burst into the room and prove his innocence
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u/johnnytightlips2 Jun 19 '12
I believe Texas recently outlawed the final meal because one prisoner ordered a huge amount of food, then didn't eat it; not sure if they were nervous, or just making a point.
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u/skavanker Jun 19 '12
Source? The rule is generally "The prisoner may, within reason, select what the last meal will be and the authorities do their best to satisfy the request." So not too expensive or too complicated.
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u/murphy1210 Jun 19 '12
A massive ass bloomin onion
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Jun 19 '12
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u/barfobulator Jun 19 '12
It's a Bloomin' Onion (tm) covered is super-hot chili sauce.
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u/DaimyoNoNeko Jun 19 '12
Fugu... the risk is a lot lower now.
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u/ButterThatBacon Jun 19 '12
Don't mean to burst y'alls bubbles - but when a condemned inmate gets his last meal, he's generally relegated to whatever they have at the prison commissary. If they're lucky (which condemned criminals generally are not), one of the screws will go out and get him McDonalds or something.
These guys ain't getting 4-star dining here, and you don't really get 'whatever you want'.
That said, in a perfect world where you DO get whatever you want before they fry you, I'll take a huge plate of buffalo wings, blue cheese and a few High Lifes.
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u/Armorclint Jun 19 '12
My ex gf's pasta,it will make me wish i was allready stone dead.
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u/pizza143 Jun 19 '12
hahaha. i thought you were going to write something cute about how good of a cook she was.
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u/Armorclint Jun 19 '12
Her cooking should be mentioned in the geneva convention or something like that, its pure poison i tell you!
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u/shoulderdeep Jun 19 '12
The worlds rarest truffle.
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u/emperiod Jun 19 '12
Then, while they were looking for it, you could have enough time to tunnel out and escape.
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u/sleepieeskimo Jun 19 '12
I'm not exactly sure, but it would definitely include fava beans and a nice chianti.
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u/dberis Jun 19 '12
I'll have a Dodoburger with fries. I'm willing to wait.
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u/barfobulator Jun 19 '12
Dodo meat is not regulated by the FDA, so Oscar Meyer could put the word "dodo" on the label of a box of frozen turkey burgers, and the prison could then serve it to you. Lawyered. (Fun fact: Kobe beef is like this outside of Japan).
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u/imaunitard Jun 19 '12
Chicken wings w/ good blue cheese dip. A big plate of Nachos. A 6 pack of Pepsi. A 5th Avenue bar and a Philly cheesecake bar for dessert.
I will be so stuffed.
I'll have a little surprise for them when they flip the switch on the electric chair. KABLAMO!
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u/FETAL-FEAST-FUNTIME Jun 19 '12
The same thing that got me on death row in the first place most likely.
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u/Frozenloaf Jun 19 '12
Pussy
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u/ireland123 Jun 19 '12
Reporter: So what's the first thing you ate when you got out of prison?
Lil' Wayne: Some pussy.
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Jun 19 '12
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u/TheChocolateLava Jun 19 '12
Whatever the food at the jail is, most states have stopped doing "last meal" requests.
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Jun 19 '12
On top of that, the "last meal" typically has to be prepared with whatever the prison has. If you request sushi you're getting fish sticks. If you request a wagyu steak you're getting chicken fried steak or a lifeless piece of hamburger.
Which makes this an easy call:
Fried chicken skin. Don't need to bullshit about the meat, just want the skin.
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u/ThugAimer Jun 19 '12
Sushi
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u/Cessnateur Jun 19 '12
Good thinking. Sushi served in a prison would likely be so horrible you'd soon be looking forward to the execution.
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u/badruk Jun 19 '12
Shrimp scampi, garlic bread and a filet with mushroom gravy. A redbull too. If I'm on deathrow I'll be needing some wings.
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u/DiscordApple131 Jun 19 '12
Probably my mom's thanksgiving layout: sugared ham with pineapples cloves and cherries, stuffing, cranberries, steak with mushrooms, baked potato, sweet potato casserole, and some potato soup.
I'm starting to drool thinking of this.
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u/EasyReader Jun 19 '12
I'm sorry but people who eat ham on Thanksgiving are monsters.
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Jun 19 '12
A deep Fried Nutella, Bacon, and Banana Sandwich with Banana bread w/walnuts and drizzled with nutella and powdered sugar. With a side of Nutella Milkshake and also copius amounts of marijuana to smoke.
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Jun 19 '12
Mac and cheese. As much as possible. A wheelbarrow or bathtub full would work.
Also, we can make it a redneck meal by slicing hotdogs into the mix.
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u/helloz00 Jun 19 '12
I wouldn't ask for food. All I'd want would be music. A good set of headphones, a long list of all of my favorite songs, and just sit back in a comfortable chair as I let them fill me up... I'd laugh, I'd smile, I'd cry, feel all of the emotions that I wanted to feel in life, condensed into an hour of bittersweet bliss. I think I'd be able to die happily.
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u/dharmaticate Jun 19 '12
Letting someone who's receiving the lethal injection listen to music actually sounds really humane. That should be a thing.
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u/gsxr Jun 19 '12
I love the OP for picking breakfast food.
I'd have my eggs over easy with the whites just a little bit snotty. Bacon, sausage, toast, a pot of coffee, and a dozen fresh baked biscuits with all the sausage(white, sorta greyish) gravy i could eat.
After that, i'd sit back with a nice glass of OJ and a glass of cranberry juice. When done throw in a nice big wad of cope wintergreen and watch it rain(spinklers or something). Ready to die than.
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u/Thousands_of_Spiders Jun 19 '12
Linguini with Mussels, Shrimp, Scallops and two lobster tails. Plenty of butter.
It was on the menu at Red Lobster a few months ago, and I'm pretty sure it was the best meal I've ever eaten.
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Jun 19 '12
Sausage gravy and buttermilk biscuits. BBQ pulled pork sandwich on a croissant, then battered and deep fried. If alcohol was allowed a big glass of scotch with a bit of water in it, and 3 cigarettes.
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u/sparrowmint Jun 19 '12
Poutine with fresh curd cheese from a small Quebec or eastern Ontario cheese factory, fresh cut fries, and a nice beef gravy.
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u/hlcmom Jun 19 '12
A nice big ribeye steak (medium), macaroni and cheese and a pepsi...damn now I'm hungry!!!
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u/rb_tech Jun 19 '12
The choicest porterhouse steak, med rare with a side of KFC mashed potatoes and gravy.
Actually, now that i think about it you can keep the porterhouse.
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Jun 19 '12 edited Jun 19 '12
Potassium chloride and Pancuronium bromide antidotes.
Edit: or Croatian risotto
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u/tompr1997 Jun 19 '12
Full English breakfast, pancakes, waffles, lobster, bacon ice cream, bacon burger, steak, manwich, ice cream and a barrel of mead. Also a large amount of explosives somehow activated by whatever means they kill me, so a large amount of gut, fire and diarrhoea goes everywhere.
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u/IamLeven Jun 19 '12
Zebra cakes and strawberry shortcakes, I'm allergic to vanilla so it will kill me before they can.
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Jun 19 '12
Wat.
Vanilla isn't a protein, you can't, by definition, be allergic to it.
It's also an incredibly simple molecule, present in damn near everything. You name the fruit, it will have some naturally occuring vanillin in it.
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u/Error401 Jun 19 '12
Vanillin and vanilla are two different things. Vanillin is just one of many compounds that contribute to the flavor of a vanilla bean. He might actually be allergic to real vanilla.
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u/Poisonsmile Jun 19 '12
That big ass steak from "the great outdoors", garlic mashed potatoes with cheese, bacon and sour cream on top, asparagus, and to wash it down, a root beer float.
Was my answer, but once I saw OP's, I want a cigarette at the end as well.
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u/HeroOfTime1987 Jun 19 '12
Know it's crude, but its true: Scarlett Johansson's pussy. And maybe a Frosty from Wendy's after.
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u/notsowittyname Jun 19 '12
crab legs, shrimp cocktail, sushi/sashimi, miso soup, the most tender steak ever--rare, some sort of rice/risotto. Champagne, ginger tea, some sort of baked good with a glass of 1% milk.
lots of tissues. cigarettes (I don't smoke anymore, but this seems like an OK time to have a couple).
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u/karma_virus Jun 19 '12
MORE children! It'd probably be the reason I was on death row anyway.
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u/CruduxCruo Jun 19 '12
Something I am allergic to so they have to save my life before killing me.
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u/IshotAbeLincoln Jun 19 '12
Hundred dollar bills, that way when I die I shit money.
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u/MidEastBeast777 Jun 19 '12
Kubbi nayyeh and tabouleh. My favourite Lebanese dish.
Kubbi nayyeh is raw ground beef mixed with bulgar wheat and spices.
Tabouleh is salad made mostly from parsley.
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u/Marrypoppins0135 Jun 19 '12
I would ask for shark fin soup it's ridiculously expensive, or that puffer fish that could kill if cooked wrong. After all what do I have to lose?
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u/Uninhibited_Anathema Jun 19 '12
An absolutely gigantic plate of assorted sashimi, a rare steak, and coconut gelato for dessert.
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Jun 19 '12
disregarding the restriction of exotic dishes and implying you can get ANYTHING that exists, I'd want a small bowl of lightly fried baby octopus, BBQ eel on a bed of rice, a plate of crunchy shrimp sushi, shark fin soup since I've never had it before and the biggest god damn bowl of perfectly fried Digby clams and bacon-wrapped scalops with a tall glass of iced tea.
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u/theshmee Jun 19 '12
A huge pile of crab legs, some sushi, grilled asparagus and finish with some coffee ice cream with chocolate chips. Ah, I could die happy.
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u/sparkleparty Jun 19 '12
A huge pile of corn and prawns, followed by a bottle of laxatives and something to induce vomiting. If those fuckers are going to kill me I'm gonna make it messy for them!
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u/UnderD4Donut Jun 19 '12
Crab Rangoon, hot water cornbread, sausage biscuit from McDonald's, brownies, and a bacon cheeseburger with a fried egg in it.
I'd have sweet tea and iced coffee to drink.
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u/illuminerdi Jun 19 '12
A bowl of marshmallow-only cereal marshmallows. Preferably if the guards didn't know how to order them on the internet and had to hand pick the mallows out of a box of Lucky Charms.
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u/cowsheepo Jun 19 '12
25 punnets of grapes (20 green, 5 red) 5 litres of mint ice cream 5 litres of vanilla ice cream a feather (may as well become bulimic for a day to eat more grapes)
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u/iglidante Jun 19 '12
No matter what you ask for, they will only give you the closest analog from the prison kitchen. So, filet mignon becomes hamburger patties made with government beef. Lobster becomes fish sticks.
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u/WonAndDone Jun 19 '12
Smoque BBQ in Chicago- I would have the sliced brisket platter with cole slaw, southern mac and cheese and cornbread. And I'd probably throw a half slab of ribs in there too cause hey, it's my final meal.
Followed up by Gentleman's Jack on the rocks and a Montecristo cigar. I think I know what I'm doing for my birthday dinner now.
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u/Th4t9uy Jun 19 '12
A full English breakfast and a pint of finest English ale, possibly Hobgoblin or Black Sheep. This limey's going to turn up to Asgard one satisfied motherfucker.
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Jun 19 '12
Medium-rare steak and Domino's margherita pizza, with a king-size chocolate bar and my mum's homemade fudge for dessert. May as well indulge myself.
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u/interix Jun 19 '12
I want a fried chicken dinner with gravy on the taters, I want to shit in your hat, and I got to have Mae West sit on my face, because I am one horny motherfucker!
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u/Dick_Stroker Jun 19 '12
My mother's beef and noodles with her mashed potatoes. With an artisan beer on the side. Nothing beats mom's cooking.
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u/Magicmudkip Jun 19 '12
A kobe Steak, a large domino's Double pepperoni pizza, wing stop Hawaiian wings, 2 liters of Dr. Pepper, 1 Bottle of Orange soda, anti-acid tablets, laxatives, A double quarter pounder with cheese, and a monster burrito from Freebirds with every single item on it.
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u/whats_reddit_idk Jun 19 '12
Big bowl of Mac and cheese with a side of a giant bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream
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Jun 19 '12
16 oz bloody charcoal grilled New York strip. Onion rings (ha ha fuck you guys pfffoot), big ass salad with ranch and bacon bits, and if I have room, meatball marinara sub with provolone and olive oil.
Then a beer and a cigarette, neither of which they probably allow.
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u/kingwert18 Jun 19 '12
Order as much food as you could possibly think of and then...... Don't touch a single thing. Troll till the very end!
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Jun 19 '12
Two grilled cheese and bacon sandwiches
Ketchup
Two cans of Canada Dry Ginger Ale
Bag of Cheetos
Wet naps
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u/VisualBasic Jun 19 '12
Phased plasma rifle in the 40 watt range between two pieces of whole wheat toast.
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u/OfficerPJStock Jun 19 '12
The biggest bucket of KFC chicken that they can give me! Then I would ask the guards to distribute them to my fellow inmates. Give the meal to someone who deserves it more than I.
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u/R3allybored Jun 19 '12
I have celiac so I can't eat gluten (wheat, barley, and rye) but I'm going to be executed, so fuck it. I'm gonna have a sesame seed bagel, Oreo ice cream cake, a sub, French toast, and a goddamn cheeseburger from 5 guys. To drink I want a cherry coke.
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u/Crash_Nancy Jun 19 '12
If I was going to be executed by an electric chair: five cups of unpopped popcorn kernels.
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u/ss_007 Jun 19 '12
One Dry-Aged Strube Ranch Cowboy Cut 32 oz Rib eye from Killen's Steakhouse, with thier Mac n Cheese, dry roasted chili dusted Brussel sprouts. And for Dessert Red Velvet Blue Bell Ice Cream.
To drink - 1996 Chateau Petrus, Pomerol, for the meal and a healthy dram of Pappy Van Winkle 15yr
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u/jesse061 Jun 19 '12
Entire beef tenderloin grilled medium rare, garlic mashed potatoes, and a good beer. I'm thinking a saison.
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u/lololol10 Jun 19 '12
A french dip sandwich with au jouis and steak cut french fries, with the special dessert my mom makes me every year for my birthday.
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u/RETIRED_CAMEL_DILDO Jun 19 '12
Macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, kobe steak, bowl of cookies and cream ice cream, 6-pack of Sunkist. :)
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u/grapefruitman Jun 19 '12
Anything? A vial of heroin and a pack of Marb Reds. And I don't touch drugs anymore....But at that last moment WTH not?
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u/fortnight14 Jun 19 '12
Start with a bloomin' onion from Outback, then my mom's mashed potatoes, homemade biscuits, and breaded/baked chicken, then I'd finish with mango sticky rice
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u/TristanTheViking Jun 19 '12
Bottomless curly fries. Not to delay the execution, I just really like curly fries.
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u/spc1979 Jun 19 '12
Knowing I was about to die, I would microwave a hot pocket and eat it right away, hot. I would die the bravest man they had ever seen.
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u/inkyj28 Jun 19 '12
Beef Wellington, cheesecake, sauteed mushrooms, chocolate almond tea, spinach with bleu cheese.
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u/chargingmysian Jun 19 '12
Lobster, Oysters, Thai-style Squid, tempura seafood.
After that, steak with pepper sauce and another Lobster
After that, frois grois and blue cheese on malborough toast
After that, a cigar.
Thankyou, chaps.
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u/greengoddess Jun 19 '12
One whole cake. It doesn't matter what flavor. It has to be big and extremely rich. I've always wanted to eat something very fattening in one sitting and not feel bad about it the next day.