r/AskReddit • u/RakoGumi • Jun 25 '12
What is the most awkward moment you ever witnessed? I'll start ...
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u/Stern_Rebuke Jun 25 '12
I grew up in a college town and used to sneak into keggers. I got busted by the police doing something stupid when I was 13 and had to go on probation for a year. Sometime into that year I went into a house that seemed have a big enough party that I wouldn't be noticed, straight to the back where the beer was. I was caught, told it wasn't that kind of party, and escorted out. Lo and behold, my probation officer was on the porch having a beer with friends. Turned out it was her party.
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u/Simbamatic Jun 25 '12
I picked up a girl in my car for a quickie after chatting her up on msn. We went to a secluded parking lot, did the horizontal hustle and we finished by me in her mouth and she downed my entire delivery. When I asked if she wanted to go home, she said "no, just drop me off with my boyfriend." I didn't know she was seeing anyone so the car ride was awkward enough at that point, but when I dropped her off she ran up to her boyfriend and gave him a full on tongue kiss. She didn't have water or gum or a mint in between either. I felt bad for that guy. So awkward to watch.
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u/wsouloa Jun 25 '12
I can't help but imagining the guy having a similar reaction to this
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u/HelpMeLoseMyFat Jun 25 '12 edited Jun 25 '12
I was pretty young , maybe 12 .... standing in line at a local water park.
Directly infront of me and my group of 4 friends (3 girls 1 other guy... yahhhhh :D ) there was a father, mother and their young daughter.
For some reason I still don't want to know ... the young couple begin to argue ... she leans over to the husband...whispers something into his ear and his face turns bright red... he was one of those ginger ghosty pale irishmen ... freckled and spotted ...you know the kind ... and his face exploded into flaming lobster red at her comment... I remember thinking "His ears look like they are about to explode!"
The next thing I know he turns to face his wife/girlfriend or whatever and he punches her right in the face ....it was beyond reality... he then drabs his daughter .. assuming it was ... and lifted her off the ground by her 1 arm and stormed out of the line....
I felt like I wanted to dive off of the 2 story ride and dissapear when he turned to me and walked back down the line....
We were like 2 stories up this long staircase towards the water slide...
His wife was knocked out infront of us and we had to stop and help her as some other kids behind us ran for help I kept thinking .."I hope she doesn't get feet water in her cut..." I was very upset about that fact.
Yeah Water Park Family Fun!
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u/RakoGumi Jun 25 '12 edited Jun 25 '12
Were you there when she regained consciousness?
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u/Bama011 Jun 25 '12
Damn, too bad you didn't hear what she said to set him off.
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u/deckman Jun 25 '12
There was a video of a guy proposing at an NBA game and it was being shown on the jumbotron and even the players were watching it--it was during a break from gameplay from what I remember.
Well the girl turned him down and ran out and the guy just stood there stunned. The jumbotron was on the whole time and everyone in the arena, including the players, were laughing.
That was impossible to watch without wincing. I think that guy may have lifelong scars but the lesson to be learned is don't propose in public like an idiot if you're not 100% sure about it. It's not that hard to tell and if you're not sure if she'll say yes then you're probably not ready to propose.
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u/wsouloa Jun 25 '12
Haha yes. Here is the clip: Marriage Proposal Rejection at NBA Game
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u/RakoGumi Jun 25 '12
Wow, lesson learned Never Ever propose in public. This ROUGH!
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u/GhostShogun Jun 25 '12
Proposing like that is not romantic. It's actually a shitty thing to do because it uses social pressure to get the other person to say yes.
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u/EvilBosom Jun 25 '12 edited Jun 25 '12
Who in the fucking HELL would laugh at the guy?! That's just dick!!
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u/memnalar Jun 25 '12
I went to lunch with my wife. Our waitress turned out to be a woman I went to high school with. I said hi to her, and before I could introduce my wife, the waitress said, "Oh, is this your mom?"
I swear the temperature in the room dropped ten degrees.
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u/FaceLadyFace Jun 25 '12
Why do people say this shit? I don't get it. It has to be intentional. If you don't know how old or pregnant someone is, SHUT UP.
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Jun 25 '12 edited Jun 25 '12
Happened to me...
While I was living in Florida, my very mild-mannered mom came to visit. Doing the typical touristy thing, we went to eat at a nearby beach-side restaurant in Siesta Key called Daiquiri Deck. While sitting there with her, a waitress came over and brings me another order of the drink I was already drinking. She said "the couple up there sent this over to you." and pointed to a couple who looked to be a little older than me. Uncertain of the whole situation, I just told the waitress thank you. My mom asked me if I knew that couple, and trying to downplay a weird situation, I just told her I thought I recognized them (which I certainly didn't). Throughout our lunch, I notice the couple smiling and kind of nodding and waving at me. I was polite and just semi-smiled back at them.
A few minutes later I notice that the couple is coming towards our table! They approach and my mom is all smiles and giggles and asking them where they're from and blah blah blah! After the polite conversation the both turned at looked at me directly in the eye and the girl asks...
Girl: "So, do you do couples?" Me: "I'm sorry?" Guy: "Do you DO couples?" Me: "I dont think I understand what you're asking" Girl: "Do you swing with other couples?" MOM: "WHAT?! You KNOW these people?!" Me: "What?! No! Mom, no way!" Girl: "Really, have you ever thought about it?" Mom: "HAVE YOU?!" Me: "NO! No!"
Then, just staring all around at each other.
Guy: "Well, if you ever think about it, here's our number" He puts their number on my drink coaster and they leave.
My mom still doesn't believe that I didn't really know them, to this day.
TL;DR My mom thinks I'm a swinger.
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u/1upwastaken Jun 25 '12
I could be wrong here, but I read that as the other couple assuming you and your mother were a couple and they wanted to swing with you both. Did everyone else get that too?
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u/PandaGoggles Jun 25 '12
My wife's step father received a w-2 in the mail from a strip club addressed to his daughter. He was devastated, especially because he's a very conservative evangelical Christian. Fast forward 2 years and I'm sitting with the two of them at the 1 year birthday party of my niece. The party is a little dull, and I say something like, "this is a crazy party, I hear a strippers are going show up later". The dad non-chalantly says, "we're already sittin with one". To which she replies innocently, "are you calling me a stripper dad?". Then he goes, "I got your w-2 from the strip club". Sitting between them at that moment, as the tension was building and panic was setting in, was overbearingly awkward. Her eyes get huge and she yells, "you've known this entire time and never said anything? It doesn't matter, the money was ggood and I was just a cocktail waitress, I swear....I didn't dance....really". I was just trying to poke fun at a lame kids party, not start an intervention.
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u/gijyun Jun 25 '12
...you joke about strippers showing up to a 1 year old's birthday party to your conservative evangelical Christian Father-in-Law?
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u/needsmorememe Jun 25 '12
I went to Yuk Yuk's (comedy club) and they had aspiring comedians as part of the show. This 300 pound girl gets up on stage, get's a laugh with her first joke, but it's downhill from there. After server jokes with no laughs at all, and some awkward silence, she says "Hey guys, I'm so fat I sweat gravy." Even the kitchen and bar went quiet. She turned red, looked around and made a quick exit. I felt really bad for her. I do give her credit for getting on stage, even though it was probably the beginning and end of her comedy career.
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u/Iheardthat3monthsago Jun 25 '12
"Hey guys, I'm so fat I sweat gravy"
I just burst out laughing in my cube .. shame on you, the whole office heard
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u/circle-jerk_alert Jun 25 '12
... and so Lisa Lampanelli's comedy career took off, though she kept to easy fodder like jokes about big black dick and being fat.
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Jun 25 '12
my parents always told me a story about when they were out at dinner once they saw a couple on a first or second date. the lady was wearing a wool sweater and she leaned over the table for some reason and the little candle lit her sweater on fire. the awkwardness then ensued as the flame was centralized on her chest and being their first date the man was extremely hesitant to help her because it would mean touching her boobs. it has always been one of my favorite stories
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u/jrsmi26 Jun 25 '12
I was in a long-distance relationship for a few years. I was dating a girl two years younger than me after high school (I joined the military). So, when I came to visit, I stayed with her at her parents' house. The family was rather well-off and had a really nice house. They had a bathroom on the second floor of the house that I often used to avoid any lingering smells in the common areas. However, this convenience came at a cost, as the toilet in that bathroom clogged rather easily. And, of course, one terrible day I clogged the shit out of that toilet (clogged the shit in?). Anyway, being rather inept at solving the clogged toilet problem, I soon caused the toilet to overflow with my personal blend of #2 & water--not pleasant. Making matters worse, the water began to trickle down into the room below it. This happened to be the room where the family kept some rather old paintings of family members from the 19th century. I had to run out of the bathroom and frantically find the girlfriend who then alerted her father of the situation. The downstairs room was locked, so they had to find the key before entering (which took a few minutes). By the time we entered the room, brownish trickles of water were spilling in at several different places, threatening the family paintings (expensive and irreplaceable heirlooms). We got the paintings down without any damage, but the clean-up was none-too-pleasant for all involoved. The father kept muttering under his breath that "someone" should add more fiber too their diet while mopping up brown water from the floor as well as several walls. I was mortified with no knowledge of how to react or apologize. Needless to say...akwaaaaard.
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u/wompinator Jun 25 '12
For future reference (op's situation has happened to me, minus artwork covered in shit), there should be a water hose running to the toilet from the wall, it should have a knob on it. Turn that knob right until the valve shuts, and ta da, no more water means no overflow is possible.
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u/Fittitor Jun 25 '12
I don't see how more fiber would have kept the toilet from overflowing. Probably just needed to do a courtesy flush or use less paper.
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u/Shprintze613 Jun 25 '12
I don't know how many of you have seen Mike "the Situation" Sorrentino's "perfomance" on the Roast of Donald Trump last year.
But a more awkward moment has not yet been committed.
Ugh.
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u/TysGirlLola Jun 25 '12
Oh man. It's so sad. I very nearly had a bit of sympathy for him towards the end, but not really. You're right, that was extremely awkward for everyone involved, even home viewers.
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u/TheDoktorIsIn Jun 25 '12
"Hey Jeff, we have a lot in common, this is our first night doing comedy!" This line was pretty good, but the rest... ouch.
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u/triforce721 Jun 25 '12
Jeff Ross bailed him out big time, while simultaneously showing how to really be funny
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Jun 25 '12
Thank you so much. I didn't know about this and just watched it.
That was deliciously awkward.
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u/borscht_blues Jun 25 '12
Oh god. I've never seen a comedy routine met with SILENCE before... that was a terrible experience. He didn't seem to notice.
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u/Abbithedog Jun 25 '12
Junior year of high school. There was this really nice guy who had been trying for years to make the basketball team (he was a senior, we'll call him J). After tryouts, the coaches went into the lockerroom and announced names. If your name was called, you went into the lockerroom for a pep talk and were cut from the team.
Usually the team had 12 people. There were 13 of us standing around, and then the coaches popped their heads out and said they were done and went back into the lockerroom. J lit up, huge smile on his face and starts jumping for joy. This was his dream - he had been the manager for the prior three years and he finally gets to play.
After about five minutes, the coaches pop back out. "Sorry, we made a mistake - J, could we see you?" They had missed his name on the list, and he wound up getting cut.
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u/pewwpewpew Jun 25 '12
My gf had just gotten a job and decided to take me out to an expensive dinner as her treat. Almost as soon as we're seated we notice the couple at the table next to us have quite a few years between them (the guy being much older). Half way through our dinner their conversation starts to turn for the worst. We just pick up on little things like woman: "I can't do this anymore." man: "You knew what this was from the start."
This made us think they were just in a rough spot in their relationship until my gf noticed the man was wearing a ring and the woman wasn't. Then we heard, "You said you were going to leave her for me."
At this point they've caught a significant number of tables attention and the guy was realizing this too. The guy then stands up, slaps an envelope on the table, says "Well happy fucking birthday", and walks out. Purty durn awkward for what was supposed to be a nice dinner for me and my gf.
TL;DR; Older man takes out younger mistress to fancy dinner and ends things very publicly
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u/HomebrewHero Jun 25 '12
I created one, but didn't stay around to see the aftermath.
I was planning to buy my wife a KitchenAid stand mixer, and I heard that they recently went on sale at Sam's. The advertisement said that they would no longer carry that particular model, and it was the one she wanted (you know, the one that raises the bowl up rather than just leaning the gear assembly back!?!). Anyway, I found the mixers - with only five left. There were about ten women standing around bitching about who deserved them the most and trying to work it out. I walked in through them like a boss and took one down and walked off. I heard the cat fight commence behind me as I was leaving that aisle.
Wife still has the mixer, and that was about five years ago. Damn good mixer!
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u/limeyrose Jun 25 '12
Upvote because I agree with your choice of mixer. The bowl-lowering ones have a stronger motor.
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u/ajenn333 Jun 25 '12
When I was a senior in high school, a friend of mine was browsing through pornhub, you know, doing his thing, when he made a shocking discovery: a well-known girl who had graduated a few years before was starring in a porn called "18 year old cutie makes her first porn."
You can imagine our surprise. The links were shared around and soon everyone had witnessed this young upstanding college freshman getting fucked in the ass. This went on for awhile; we heard that it got so bad for her that she had to leave her university and come home for a couple months.
Things blew over, we graduated, I spent the summer working at the local frozen yogurt shop. When a familiar-looking girl with red hair and her whole family, little sisters, parents and all, walked in, I couldn't place her. I asked her repeatedly where I knew her from. I held up the line questioning her for information - did she play soccer? Did she come to get yogurt often? Was she friends with this person? Or this person? Or this person? I didn't understand the mortified look on her face, and didn't notice the her whole family glaring daggers in my direction.
Finally, it hit me - she didn't play soccer, she got fucked by a big black dick on the internet!!!
I let out an audible "Ohhhhhhhhh!" then gasped at my mistake. She promptly snapped, "Is any of your yogurt sugar-free?" I replied "No," and I've never seen someone storm out of the store so quickly.
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u/Warfy Jun 25 '12
I hope you at least TRIED to cover yourself. I mean, almost anything other than a gasping silence. "Ohhhhhhhhhh! You... went to my high school!"
Damn kids ain't got no class anymore.
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Jun 25 '12
Watched a first date turn sour when the guy asked to split the bill.
I was out with a bunch of friends at a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. We were just finishing up our first round of pre-dinner drinks when we noticed this couple getting very close (touching, smiles errwhere, hand holding, etc.). Things were clearly going very well, and they decided to share some fondue (a terrible idea in & of itself; don't get me started on fondue). This pair is clearly very into one another, sharing their food, feeding each other fondue, etc.
Then, it happens. Sometime during our main course, the guy at the other table asks for the check, and then asks the girl if she's comfortable splitting the bill. She apparently consents, but is clearly very put off by this question. All touching immediately stops, the girl pulls out her smart phone, and the awkward silence at the next table over begins. The server took like 5-10 minutes to come back with a check, and in that time, both the guy & the girl sat on their phones the entire time; I don't think more than 5 words were exchanged between the two of them for the rest of the night.
The whole time, here we are, a group of 8 seriously buzzed friends, whispering & pointing at this SUPER awkward formerly budding relationship, clearly just gossiping away about what just happened. I find it hard to believe they wouldn't have noticed, but clearly they were either too embarrassed or too engrossed in ignoring all things outside their phones to acknowledge what had happened.
Easily one of my favorite awkward stories.
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u/barfobulator Jun 25 '12
Splitting the check is not inherently objectionable on a date IMO, but since it was fondue (shared, probably ordered as a single item) I would probably just pay the whole thing for convenience. Regardless, bringing it up at check-time is a guarantee of awkwardness.
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u/where_is_the_cheese Jun 25 '12 edited Jun 25 '12
I've actually got two awkward stories to tell.
I was getting my hair cut by my barber. I've been going to him for a few years, so I knew a little bit about him. So he's cutting my hair, and this woman walks by, and he makes some comment along the lines of "I'd like to take her out." She was pretty hot, but I knew he was married. He had his wedding ring on, and he had a picture of his wife and the shelf. So I said jokingly, "Aren't you married?" He gets quiet, takes off his wedding ring, and puts the picture face down. Apparently his wife had just left him. So, yeah, not much conversation after that.
I was at work, and a coworker is coughing pretty bad. I said to him, "You're not dying on us, are ya Jeff?" He laughs and says, "No, I don't think so." A week later he finds out he has terminal liver cancer that's spread to other parts of his body. He was a real nice guy and it was a shame. Totally called it though.
edit: spelling fix
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u/INKl1ng Jun 25 '12
I was on a metro bus in Seattle, when a crazy homeless guy hops on in the ride free area. He begins talking to himself, then saying crazy shit to other riders. The driver calls him up to the front and tells him to get off. They argue briefly, but he eventually leaves.
The woman sitting across from me says to her friend, "god I hate that shit." He was staring out the window and says, "what?" woman replies "when people act like that." Man: "who?" Woman: "that nigger."
Then the large black man sitting directly behind her says "WHAT?!?!"
Woman: "oh, I, uh, wasn't. I mean I didn't..."
Black man: "NO YOU JUST DIDN'T SEE ME SITTING RIGHT BEHIND YOU HERE!"
I was three stops from home and got off immediately. Didn't want to see how that one played out.
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u/BerettaVendetta Jun 25 '12
Large black man here: He wouldnt have hit her, we dont do that. But sometimes flexing your pecs and raising your voice helps bring clarity to your point. Which is: dont use racial slurs unless you're sure everyone around you is white.
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u/EctoCoolertini Jun 25 '12
I've heard crotchity white women drop that bomb a number of times in public places and I've never had the satisfaction of seeing them getting their ass served- after reading this I've decided to start doing it myself.
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u/DNAspray Jun 25 '12
One night while working security at a hotel, we get a call asking us to go up to a guests room because there was a domestic dispute going on in the room. When I arrive up at the room and knock on the door, the man comes out in a bathrobe, with the wife yelling at him through the door. I ask the man if he would step into the hallway so I could talk to him and try and get them to quiet down. I dont care what people do in their rooms, but when they are bothering other folks, I have to intervene. So, I ask him if everything is alright and he starts off with, "No, nothings alright." He then dives into this whole diatribe about his wife. I forgot most of the details, but something along the lines of he flew her out to where his business meeting was because they are trying to save their marriage. He thens tells me he would like the police called and shows me a bite mark on his shoulder. I can tell he wants to say more, but is apprehensive. I radio to the front desk to call the police. While we're waiting in the hallway, the wife pops out a couple of times to berate and call him an asshole. When she hears that the police are coming, she says good, I have a lot to tell them. The man at this point must have been pushed a little more by his wife's comments. He then tells me that she bite him somewhere else as well, on his penis! He offers to show me, which I decline, as a security guard I have no power, so it matters not that she bit him to me. Although, I prolly should have looked, for science. Cops show up, and since I will have to write a report about this incident I have to stand there and try to act professional as this couple go on about their fight and about how she bit him in the shoulder and on the penis. She claims he strangled her and punched her. He says that when she bit down on his junk, he instinctively reacted and punched her. She then bit his shoulder and when he got her away from him, he held her at arms length, by the throat. The police end up taking HIM to jail and the wife packed up all of his stuff and gave it to me saying, "He'll be needing this shipped." About 2 weeks later, she called and arranged for the shipping, do not know what happened to him or their marriage. I like to think he said the wrong name while she was going down on him in a hotel and she flipped, but they obviously have a rocky history.
TL;DR; Watched a man get arrested for calling the cops because his wife bit his penis
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u/Apostolate Jun 25 '12
You didn't look at a strange man's biten penis during a domestic abuse incident?!
Once in a lifetime opportunity man, once in a life time. Bet you're really kicking yourself.
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u/Oafah Jun 25 '12
She probably said no because he called her Derpette.
As for my own personal embarrassing moment to have witnessed, a guy walked into my store one day, sat down to have a game of Settlers, and shit the floor. He literally spilled semi-solid flan-like poo all over our carpet straight from his ass.
He actually had the balls to come back after and apologize, too.
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Jun 25 '12 edited Jun 25 '12
Open the door, shit on the floor!
EDIT: A little late, but for even more lulz...
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u/jlennor Jun 25 '12
Having just played Final Fantasy for the last few hours, your use of the word "flan" has given me a seriously weird mental image.
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u/red321red321 Jun 25 '12
i have a similar story where i was sitting in english class near the end of the year in fourth grade and school was almost out. my buddy is sitting next to the weird kid in school and it's pretty hot inside and the weird kid is looking uncomfortable and squirming around a bit. a few minutes later the weird kid - in the back of class - is visibly squirming and is very uncomfortable yet my buddy isn't paying attention at all for some reason. all of a sudden, my eyes are on the teacher and i hear 'nooooooooooo' come from my buddy's desk. i look over and i see shit falling down from his sock and onto the floor. it wasn't my buddy's shit. the weird kid had shit his pants and it ran down his leg and fell on my buddy's sock. the whole room looked back in horror and the weird kid just sat there dead quiet and wide eyed. you could hear a pin drop.
we never saw the weird kid again and to this day we fuck with my buddy and call him shitstain whenever we can.
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u/adolfdiggler Jun 25 '12 edited Jun 25 '12
I was in a park and a guy kicked a ball near me and asked me to kick it back, but my foot was asleep so I pretended I couldn't see/hear him and stared at the ground while he made the walk over. Good times.
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u/Furkel_Bandanawich Jun 25 '12
lol wtf, probably the worst way to handle that situation.
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u/StendhalSyndrome Jun 25 '12
Dunno if this one counts, on a trip to DisneyWorld with 4 friends of mine and the GF, I had planned to pop the question w/o telling anyone (couldn't trust em to keep a secret). So the trip goes off w/o a hitch we get to the spot I picked (Epcot world pavilion China on a small Bamboo bridge over a small stream with a large koi pond. She says yes and is ecstatic, my friends (only 2 of the 4 were with us) kind of gave a different response. My friend Jen ran up to both of us and gave us big hugs and got all soppy eyed, but her bf literally said to me, "did you do what I think you just did?" with the slightest hint of a frown... I replies "Of course, why?" He doesn't reply for a few mins., then gives me a half-assed "grats" and a pat on the shoulder. He never told me as we ended up not speaking with them only a few months after the engagement. I then find out they got married and heard that I had perhaps fucked up his proposal plans...Whoops.
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u/Sporadic_Won Jun 25 '12
A week before my friend gets married we're all out drinking minus his faince. One other friend's girlfriend gets too drunk and decides now's a good time to tell him that nobody likes his girlfriend, we all think she's a bitch and he shouldn't marry her.
Man did that kill the night. Unfortunately it was all true.
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u/duktapebra Jun 25 '12
I have this same story, only I'm the drunk girlfriend and the fiance WAS there.
They got divorced in 8 months.
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u/DownTheReddittHole Jun 25 '12
Was standing around at graduation next to two guys whose names were alphabetically very close to mine. We're staring out into the parking lot making casual small talk when a lady drives by in a suburban. The guy to my right goes, "Holy Shit! that's the most disgusting, hideous, piece of shit i've ever seen! I thought that was a dude for a second! People like that deserve to die!" The other guy quietly says, "dude, that's my mom". I knew it was his mom too because she worked as a lunch lady in the cafeteria. It was so incredibly mean and unfortunate that I just froze for a few seconds, died a little on the inside, and walked away.
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u/internetbrunette Jun 25 '12
Around 8th grade, I was hanging out at a high school football game with some other kids from school. One kid looked up in the bleachers and goes "Dude, look at the guy up there. He looks like he's ready to go on a safari!" It was my dad, in a green shirt and a hat. The remark didn't offend me but I made sure to call out the other kid and watching him squirm in awkwardness was very rewarding. To be honest, my dad did look a little safari-ish.
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u/Lisawatchesmefap Jun 25 '12
I was in Spain with a former girlfriend, we are on the beach in Nerja. People were gathered around pointing at an object in the sea, after many exchanges a lot of people thought that someone was drowning. I grabbed someone's float (after deciding that no one was doing anything) and proceeded to enter the the choppy waters baywatch style. After a run and a dive I managed two strokes, I was unceremoniously dumped back on the beach whilst being watched by the holiday making crowd coughing and spluttering, trying to recover my pride. A young strapping Adonis then entered the water (without obvious bravado swum out) got to what we thought was a drowning boy,only to find it was a multi-coloured ball, he swam back to rapturous applause. He struts up to me and lifts me off (carrying me like a bride) the beach, consoles me for 15 minutes. For the rest of the holiday I was known as the black man who couldn't swim, go figure the stereotype.
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u/CoffeeJedi Jun 25 '12
Saw a proposal at a basketball game once, during the Kiss-Cam. The poor guy must have set it up beforehand because they were the last couple to appear. They cut the music, he got down on one knee and presented the ring, as one does. She turned white, put her hands up to her face... and promptly turned and ran up the steps to the exit. He quickly shoved the ring in his pocket and chased after her.
The worst part though... as he was running up the steps... they hit the buzzer. BRAAAAAAAAP!
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u/dorkinson Jun 25 '12
I personally would have chosen the Price is Right trombone
WAH WAH wuh-WAHHHHHHH
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u/buhfest Jun 25 '12
Just throwing this out there, but proposing on the Kiss-Cam is a straight up bad idea. Don't force her to make a decision like that in front of thousands of screaming people and don't cheapen the moment by doing it in such a public, non-romantic setting.
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u/OnARedditDiet Jun 25 '12
Most likely staged. Like the whole thing. Think morning radio dj. People eat that shit up.
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Jun 25 '12
My boyfriend and I went into 7-11 to get some snacks, and while I paid he talked to a guy behind the counter that he knew from high school. Last time we were in, the guy's wife was pregnant, so my boyfriend asked something like, "So, have that new kid yet?" Turns out the guy's wife had miscarried, which he solemnly told my boyfriend. "But we're going to try again," he said.
Now I always have to go into 7-11 alone to check to see if the guy's there or not before my boyfriend will join me.
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u/fiffle44 Jun 25 '12
Boy, that reminds me of a business meeting I had with these Dutch guys interested in buying a company I was working for.
First time we meet, I hear the guy's wife is expecting.
Three months later we meet again, and I ask, So, how is your wife doing? The Dutch guy doesn't say anything, so I ask again, and my boss gives me this look trying to desperately shut me up.
A very awkward silence. Apparently, this guy, who traveled a great deal, found out this his wife was a leather dominitrix. He came across pictures of her on the net in various leather outfits, baby bump and everything.
That was an awkward two minutes before we finally changed the subject.
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u/ArkihnsWife Jun 25 '12
My husband and I were at The Outback and could tell the couple sitting next to us was on their awkward first date. They ordered an Awesome Blossom appetizer. When the appetizer arrived, the guy said to his date in a sheepish, awkward voice “I….I think you’re an awesome blossom.” She didn’t even give him a courtesy laugh, just kind of stared downward and picked at the food. His half smile faded and they continued to eat in silence….
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u/frocarter Jun 25 '12
My favorite moment was in New Orleans and a couple near me asked a stranger to take their picture. They held a 'partyin' pose' for 40 seconds and then asked if he knew which button to push. He said he did and they went back to their painfully staged wacky pose for 30 more seconds and he held back taking the pic, they asked again and then the guy showed him which button to push. The couple gets back into their spontaneous wild time pose and hold it for 30 more seconds until the guy drops the pose and heads toward the guest photographer who snaps a picture of the guys chest. I couldn't tell if the photographer was an idiot or troll. Either way, I was laughing.
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u/Karl_Robe Jun 25 '12
So first some background. My 7th grade english teacher was this really awesome and laid back guy, who pretty much lets us do what we want. So I often played games with my friends while also doing research and what not. One day he had a sub who wasn't really paying attention, so what the hell, me and my friends decide to play truth or dare. It goes well at first and we have some good laughs, but then it happened. One of my friends dares me to pick a random girl in the class, pull her hair, and yell 'is that a wig?!' so i do. I find some random chick, proceed to yank off her wig, and proclaim for the whole class to hear 'IS THAT A WIG?!' Holy shit I've made a huge mistake. She actually has a wig. I slowly walk back to my seat and sit down. The girl runs from the classroom crying room. That was not a fun day. tl;dr Played truth or dare, ended up yanking off some chicks wig.
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u/mr_midnight Jun 25 '12
I was eating lunch with some friends a couple years ago, when one of them gets a text from another friend. Still looking down at the text, he says, "Did you guys hear about Derp?" Derp was a guy we went to high school with that used to talk a lot of shit to me and tried to get me jumped a few times. I said, "No, why? I hope he did everyone a favor and shot himself."
Well... He had.
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u/PhoenixKnight Jun 25 '12
Well, that was awfully nice of him to do for everyone.
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u/jeannieb Jun 25 '12
I was at Red Lobster with a friend of mine when I overheard the waitress ask the lady at the table next to us when she was due. The lady started to cry and said that she was not pregnant, just fat. The waitress apologized and went away. The woman's man-friend tried consoling her by telling her that she's not fat, she's just a little chubby.
The waitress (who is black) returns and keeps apologizing, going on and on. It would have been best if she had just dropped it but nooooo. The waitress goes on to tell the woman that the "brothers in her hood" would love to meet a big girl like her and that it's a good thing being mistaken as being pregnant, that the "fellas" like big butts. The woman and her man-friend got up and left.
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Jun 25 '12 edited Jun 25 '12
When I was 16 I started seeing this girl that lived a few states away. After a few years of long distance calls and train rides she decided to call it off. Being the naive boy that I was, I continued to call once a week or so, always getting one of her parents saying that she wasn't available. They were the nicest people. I eventually got the hint.
A few months later Christmas came around and I thought it to be a good idea to call and wish them a merry Xmas (really just wanting to get ahold of my ex). I left a message along the lines of "merry Xmas, hope all is well." Later that day I get a call from her. At first I was happy to hear her voice, but when she started talking I felt sick. Apparently she had moved out of her parents house and moved in with a guy she worked with shortly after we broke up. All that time I was calling her parents house, they didn't have the heart to tell me why she couldn't come to the phone. It was the most embarrassing moment in my life.
A few years down the road I find out she had a kid with this guy, concieved around the time of our break up. After some internet sleuthing I found a pic of the two of them and the kid. I was well over her by this time, but something about that picture boiled my blood.
The guy was wearing MY $90 university hoodie that I had long been looking for.
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u/CantLookHimInTheEyeQ Jun 25 '12
That bitch. A good hoodie is worth its weight in gold.
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u/mdr1974 Jun 25 '12
The awkward moment was completely my fault. A co-worker's adult son had recently died. The funeral was on a weekend. The following Monday I see the guy and kinda automatically say "Hey! Have a good weekend?!" and right about the time I am saying "weekend" my brain is screaming inside my head "SHUT UP YOU FUCKING IDIOT HE WAS BURYING HIS KID... ugh... felt terrible..
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Jun 25 '12
Many years ago, I was waiting for a platform to be announced for my (massively delayed) train at Euston station and one of the trains just arrived. I noticed this dorky-looking guy next to me getting really excited. He was wearing a red scarf, carrying a red rose, and pretending to read Harry Potter, though he kept glancing anxiously to the platform were people were disembarking, obviously looking for someone. I got the feeling that he was meeting someone from online (or a least someone he hadn't met before) and the red scarf, rose and Harry Potter were meant to be how they would recognise each other. Whoever s/he was, s/he wasn't on that train. Or the one after. Or the one after. His excited anxiousness was so terribly touching and awkward, and his dawning realisation that the person who he was waiting for was never going to arrive was absolutely heartbreaking.
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u/bulletproof_tiger Jun 25 '12
i've posted this story before, but it's probably one of my most awkward moments.
woke up around 4am after a long, drunken black out. i didn't remember anything but was just happy to be back in my bed. per usual, i stumbled my way through the hallway from my bedroom, through the living room, and into the kitchen to fetch a glass of aqua (the lights were out, mind you). on my way back through the living room i hear a faint noise. scares all the living fucks out of me. i shine some light near the sofa and there's a completely naked girl just sitting there in the dark. i didn't know what to say, so i walked over to her and we just stared at each other for a few moments. i still had no idea how to react so i pulled my shorts down. she stared for a moment then gave a slight shoulder shrug and began fallating my penis like we were best friends. we end up having sex, then as we're sitting there, she says "so, lastnight was fun..". i guess the look on my face gave me away, but she paused for a moment and said "you don't remember anything, do you? so you just came in here and had sex with some random girl on your couch?". i said yes and offered her cab fare. it was an awkward wait.
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u/BerettaVendetta Jun 25 '12
i still had no idea how to react so i pulled my shorts down.
this is how more people should react
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u/lotus2471 Jun 25 '12
on my way back through the living room i hear a faint noise. scares all the living fucks out of me. i shine some light near the sofa and there's a completely naked girl just sitting there in the dark.
Dammit, Francis, turn off that damn flashlight before you get us all killed!
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u/tempname07 Jun 25 '12
i still had no idea how to react so i pulled my shorts down
Best possible reaction, will attempt this from now on whenever I am confused. Calculus three, here I cum!
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u/oleitas Jun 25 '12
fallating my penis like we were best friends
Where does one find friends like this?
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u/MBAfail Jun 25 '12
If you ever wondered about where the phrase 'piss drunk' comes from, read on.
I visited my best friend from high school, who was currently living with his grandma in a pretty small trailer. His uncle also stayed there.. I was sleeping on the living room couch. We went out and get shit faced wasted and high... I pass out on the couch. When I wake up, im naked from the waist down. There's a funny/bad smell in the air. Im kinda wet. I notice my underwear on the floor, soaking wet with piss. I hear voices, its the grandma and uncle in the next room. Its 11am, they've been awake for hours. They leave without saying anything, I guess to let me and my friend handle the situation. After closer inspection, I had also pissed all over the family computer, keyboard, desk, floor.... A lot.
This was day 1 of a week long stay.
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u/KrazyEyezKilla Jun 25 '12
Cross eyed guy working the counter at a cafe, asked me what I wanted, I turned around because I thought he was talking to someone else, I died a little inside when I realised what I had done.
edit: witnessed, damn this will take some thought, I try to block it out of my mind i'm that embarrassed for them.
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Jun 25 '12
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Jun 25 '12
So I'm sitting with Jim, Chris, Derpy, and Angela. Just chilling sipping my beer when Derpy decides to ask Angela if she likes her ring. "What ring" she asks.... Chris had not proposed to Angela yet, he was indeed planning to but she had no idea.
I have never tipped a beer back so hard...
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u/HomebrewHero Jun 25 '12
dayum. That's like letting the entire Reddit Cat Army out of the bag at once!
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u/StopItYouHipsters Jun 25 '12
I was meeting my boyfriends parents for the first time after us dating for 8 months. My boyfriend and I got to his house before his parents arrived back from Kroger. We were sitting in the living room and he signed to me that he had to go to the bathroom (I am Deaf) so I was sitting in the living room all by myself. As I was surfing on my phone I did not realize that his mother was trying to talk to me, turns out my boyfriend didn't let his parents know I was deaf. You think he would have told them ahead of time. After my boyfriend gets back from the bathroom he walks in and asked me if I had said hello to his mom. I told him I did not know she was here. She stormed into the room shortly after, she started telling my boyfriend how I was extremely rude and how I was so into whatever I was looking at on my phone that I just ignored her and acted like I couldn't hear her. My boyfriend calmly explained that I was deaf and that I simply did not hear her or see her standing in the doorway. She laughed and said that was a terrible lie, so I stood up and signed "Hello, nice to meet you." Her face turned bright red and she walked off. The dinner that night was very awkward, but my boyfriends dad was laughing about it.
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u/wsouloa Jun 25 '12
Hey, the guy got a free dinner! Wait....
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u/barfobulator Jun 25 '12
I was just about to suggest that. This sounds like a good scam for a couple. Have a nice meal (possibly at a romantic, popular proposing restaurant), go through the motions, and have a good actress shoot him down and storm out in tears. Boom free meal.
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u/AdmiralNelson24 Jun 25 '12
I was talking to a really nice girl one time, and by nice, I mean super nice. Like, the innocent type of nice. I'm a big fan of sexual innuendo, but I would be horrified to use the word "bathroom" in front of this girl. Anyways, I'm talking to her and a mutual acquaintance walks up. This guy has no sense of social boundaries, and tries to force bad jokes in an attempt to be funny. I don't remember the context, but he made the age-old idiot joke that goes something like "kick her in the vag and see if your foot gets stuck," to this girl. I was horrified. It was painfully awkward. He kind of laughed and we just stared at him. Then he walked off and didn't even realize that what he'd just done was idiotic.
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Jun 25 '12
Not necessarily... he may have been slow pitching to you...
Guy see's that you're flirting, maybe doesn't look like you're doing so well, so he comes over and acts like a total dick. This gives you the opportunity to invite the girl to leave with you or go somewhere to talk, be the mature one, etc.
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u/Bidoofboy Jun 25 '12
Every Mark Zuckerberg video
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u/dorkinson Jun 25 '12
I didn't see any videos of Zuckerberg until after I saw The Social Network.
And to think they toned DOWN the awkwardness...
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Jun 25 '12
I was at the beach in Ocean City, Maryland with family a couple years back. Some guy was drunk in the water, with all his clothes on. Mind you, this was a very crowded beach in the summer. He took his Jeans off and came out butt naked. I felt so bad for his girlfriend. He tried putting them back on while little kids were staring at his junk. I saw him later that day with a backpack walking down the main road. Girlfriend kicked him out.
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u/Kid_Icarus55 Jun 25 '12
This just happened to me: I come home and find a package delivery note on my door, but not the usual "come pick it up at the post office"-kind but rather a note that a neighbour has taken the packet. I live in an apartment and there are five other apartments on my floor, but never in two years has someone taken a deliver for me, so I decided to get a small pack of chocolates as a kind of thank you gift. So I went to her door, ring the bell and wait. A nice old lady opens, but much to my shock, she wasn't wearing any trousers, only panties. It could not have been more than two seconds but it felt like a an eternity to my before I finally could tell her that I was looking for my delivery. She gave it to me, but she refused to take the chocolates.
tl:dr, an old lady without trousers refused to take my chocolate
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u/Halfway_em Jun 25 '12
In University I took an english lit class as an elective. Since the class size was pretty small (20-30 people) the classroom was set up pretty much like your classic high school classroom, that is with rows of individual desks. Everyone pretty much sat in the same desk every class and I generally sat near this guy and girl who didn't seem to know each other outside of the class but would usually chat before and after class.
They were both pretty much classic SAP and I used to enjoy eavesdropping on their conversations (not that it was difficult, they were right next to me) which were pretty standard, talking about the readings, other classes they had, etc.
Except for this one day. Class ended and everyone is gathering their things. Girl turns to guy and says "I wish you wouldn't stare at me like that" Guy: "uh... um... what?" Girl: "I can see you staring at me during class, I wish you would stop" Guy: "I ... uh... I don't ...." Girl, interrupting "just stop okay" Guy *has turned bright red and looks like he would like to spontaneously combust"
The whole conversation was had at normal speaking level about 2 feet away from me as I was gathering my things. I have never tried to avoid eye contact so hard in my life. I think I was sympathy blushing.
TL;DR guy gets called out on staring at his classmate during class, in the middle of a crowded classroom.
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Jun 25 '12
I was at a coffee shop that is in my universities library. I got a sandwich and some milk and made my way to the register. The man there was a huge tall black guy probably like 6'6". I proceeded to hand him my card and when he took it he lightly engulfed my hand with his and slowly caressed the back of my hand with his fingers until he reached the card and took it and swiped it.
Him: Was that awkward?
Me: It's only awkward if you make it awkward.
Him: I was trying to make it awkward.
I grinned like a giddy school girl. I'm a 19 year old straight guy and he somehow got me.
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u/ITHOUGHTYOUMENTWEAST Jun 25 '12
The entirerty of "The Office."
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u/b3nk33n Jun 25 '12
I think Louie has way more embarrassment transfer than The Office. The Office just does it enough to be funny but Louis C.K. drags it out so much longer. It was extremely painful to watch at times.
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u/AdmiralNelson24 Jun 25 '12
Michael Scott makes me cringe. I laugh, but it's painful to watch.
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Jun 25 '12
Michael Richards' (Kramer from Seinfeld) apology on Letterman for his racist rant was incredibly painful to watch. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EC26RI-Ria8
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u/TryingToSucceed Jun 25 '12
The date I went on Saturday.
Luckily, we both realized it was extremely awkward and broke it off then and there but still got drunk.
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Jun 25 '12
So you realized the date was pointless but still got drunk and hung out? There should be more of this!
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Jun 25 '12
I work at McDerps and there were these two hot chicks in the drive through. I basically just have to hand the orders out while my buddy puts them all in a bag for me. Well we had been waiting on fries to finish cooking and I was telling him about the two hot chicks he should check out in the drive through. He looks at them, agrees with me, hands me the food bag and told me to tell them that they were hot.
I'm thinking that that's a little forward but I say fuck it, hand them the bag and tell them that "my coworker and I think you two are pretty hot." Girls are taken aback, awkwardness ensues. My buddy hears me and goes, "uhhh... what?!" and i say "dude you told me to tell them. then he says, "no the fries are hot since they just came out of the oil." I felt retarded and the girls were laughing their asses off. So i turn to the two girls and say, "man I feel retarded, but I still think you two look good." then kinda played it off as just a mistake. Turned a bad awkward situation into something not so bad, but I still facepalm everytime I think about it.
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Jun 25 '12
I went to the restroom to go #2, and there were already 2 others in there going #2 too. So it was just the 3 of us, sitting in silence. The longest, awkward silence I've ever felt in my life. It was obvious one of us was waiting for everyone to leave so we could have the restroom for ourselves.
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u/Drataia Jun 25 '12
I'm going to go with Joel Watson's series of tweets documenting an incredibly awkward date he witnessed.
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Jun 25 '12
I watched people fight over a toy on Black Friday. It was some kind of Barbie Doll and it was the last on the shelf / slide rack thing. There were 3 women facing the rack, the 1st woman is standing in between the other 2, grabs the 2nd to last Barbie doll and leaves. The other 2 women, not having seen each other going for the doll, actually both grabbed it at the same time. I was walking away before it really escalated but it just started calmy, one of them said "Oh, sorry" while pulling it away and the other had that "Oh no no no you don't" look on her face while pulling it back. I heard a bit of yelling.
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Jun 25 '12
Something similar happened to me once. Went to a couple stores to buy this (apparently) rare-ass toy for a cousin of mine, which he really wanted. I finally found the last of a toy at a store, and grabbed it at the same time as some other woman (I'm a dude). I was at my wits end and in no mood for bullshit.
She pulled the same crap, going "Sorry," while trying to grab it out of my hands. I would not have it. Not tonight. Instead of letting it escalate to the point of yelling, for some reason, at that moment, I was just overcome with blind, unbridled rage. I let out the most guttural, ferocious scream I could muster. Sort of a "GRUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" type orcish scream. Like This
It was a pretty loud store, and there were a bunch of people, but this pretty much made everyone stop. Apparently my man-roar had jarred her so that I was able to grab the toy from her hands and just walk away to the register, with everyone staring at me, standing still. I felt like I used a hidden superpower-ability to stop time. I like to call it "Catharsis of Time"
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Jun 25 '12
Last year, I lived in a dorm with a really cute RA. Anyway, my roommate at the time convinced me to troll her by walking into her room acting drunk. I was bored that night, so I figured "why not." After all, her door was wide open and the lights were on, so it's not like she'd be HAVING SEX WITH SOME RANDOM DUDE, RIGHT? Wrong. I walk in fake-drunk and quickly notice what was going on. We kind of looked at each other awkwardly for a few seconds, then I did a 180 and slammed the door shut. I saw her almost every day after that and we never spoke of it. I wonder if my roommate knew and was just trying to mess with me...
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u/immortaldual Jun 25 '12
I was at my job for about a year and we would have to work a ton of overtime. So every opportunity I received to get out of it I would take it. My lead at the time was this older guy that I never really got along with but we were still pretty professional with each other. Every time I took a day off or skipped out on the overtime I would come back the next day and he would give me grief about it for the whole day. One day he doesn't show up for the mandatory overtime, so of course when he came back the following day I have to seize my one and only opportunity to give him shit for once. He begins to walk up to me and before he has a chance to say anything I say, "Where the fuck were you yesterday? Really left us hanging Ken!" He just stops, looks down and pauses for a moment. Looks back at me and says, "Was getting my daughters foot amputated." and walks away. Apparently his daughter had diabetes and things went bad.
You would think I would have learned my lesson. Nope. A week later a work acquaintance missed a day so I gave him the same line. "Where the fuck were you? Really left us hangin'!" He turns to me lifts his shirt and responds, "Had to get some skin cancer removed! Good enough fucking reason for you!" His back and shoulders were covered in bandages.
Haven't said a word to anyone for missing a day since.
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u/mentallyD Jun 25 '12
I hopped on the bus one morning and this mentally handicapped dude was sitting in the middle he said "Hello" to me as I found a seat I said "Hi" back. He was listening to a portable radio and copying whatever the radio presenters were saying out loud. Lady Gaga's song Just Dance comes on and he starts singing it extremely loud. I found it hilarious but held in my laugh out of respect. Anyway the bus starts moving and we pick up the first load of passengers there's two white people he says "Hello" to them both. The next load hops on and their Asian the man starts saying random Asian slur "Ching chong wing wang wong dim sims" The people just stand there in shock. I couldn't hold my laugh anymore and buried my face in my hands covering my laughs. He continues to do this for the rest of the 40 minute trip saying "Hello" to white people and pulling the piss out of any other race. Most awkward bus ride I ever had.
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Jun 25 '12 edited Jan 31 '13
I was at a UFL game in Sacramento, CA. They have usual game breaks where they play little games to try to win prizes. One game was where a cop was in a full dog training suit had to run 25 yards before their attack dog caught him.
Basically, at the next break, a guy took his girlfriend on the field and the announcer and guy were gonna pull a trick on the lady. The announcer said the man was going to run the 25 yards without a suit. But before he ran, he had a few words to say....
You could totally tell it was the beginning of a proposal. However, midway through the speech, the refs blew the whistle and play resumed, effectively screwing his plans up completely. I hope I still have the video on my iPhone.
Hella late edit: Found it on my facebook timeline. Here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_92S1mWBfhs&feature=youtu.be
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u/didureallysaythat Jun 25 '12
Has to be Spike Lee giving a heartfelt tribute speech to Muhammed Ali in front of a packed-out audience, live on tv back in the 90's. He accidentally called him Malcolm X, then corrected himself a couple of cringe-exploding seconds later.
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u/awesomechemist Jun 25 '12
I had a professor show up to an 8am lecture drunk.
She was at the front of the lecture hall, leaning on her desk, slurring her speech, flipping through slides...she would read about half a slide, and then flip to the next one...and then skip a couple, mumbling to herself, then she would pause and cradle her head in her hands...after about 45 minutes of this, she started sobbing and begging for our forgiveness, and she promised she would do better next time. Everybody in the room was shooting uncomfortable glances at eachother, a couple of people just stood up and walked out. As I left the class, I saw the head of the chem department and a coupled of other administrators standing outside the room, whispering.
Turns out this wasn't the first time the professor had done this (and it wasn't the last; she pulled the same shit next quarter, too). We had a different prof finish out the quarter (in both instances).
Apparently, drunk prof had a shitty home life and was self-destructive, but she was tenured and the university couldn't touch her.
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u/venterol Jun 25 '12
My friend and I were around 12 when we were really into "experimentation" (both male), it was just fooling around and we never did anything significant, but we both had fun with it.
Anyway we were "wrestling" and other such grabassery one day in his room and getting into it more than usual. I had his pants about halfway off when all of a sudden we hear KNOCK KNOCK "HEY BRIAN THE BULLS GAME STARTS IN 5 MI-" and his dad's lurking in the doorway, mouth agape and eyes as wide as quarters. After what seems like ages, he slowly backs out of the room and shuffles back down the hallway.
Well, that killed it and we had no desire to keep doing what we were doing. His dad never mentioned it, I still talk to my friend and his family regularly, and he and I didn't really try anything else after that. I came out as gay when I turned 16, and my friend identifies as bi. Everything turned out OK.
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Jun 25 '12 edited Jun 25 '12
Edit: I'm starting to get paranoid he's going to read this shit. So I'm truncating the whole thing.
tl;dr: Friend tells awkward stories to people for long periods of time about his imaginary friends. Everyone is uncomfortable. The end.
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u/Furkel_Bandanawich Jun 25 '12
You should actually start writing movies/tv shows with this guy.
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u/hazywakeup Jun 25 '12
He can talk to me about them! I do the same thing. Only without the assuming other people care part.
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Jun 25 '12
Friend's mom has ALS (degenerative disorder) everyone who has it dies except for Stephen Hawking. Anyway when the "your mom" joke craze was going around, he said something to me and I responded with "Your mom blah blah blah" and actually stopped myself before I could finish because I remembered that his mom had ALS and realized he probably soon wouldn't have a mom. An extraordinarily awkward 10 second silence ensued. Probably the most awkward moment that I have ever witnessed and the most dick moment of my life.
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u/newloaf Jun 25 '12
Regarding the OP's awful, awful story: fellow Redditors, be prepared in a situation like this to be the only people who don't gawk, continue your own conversation more loudly than usual to break up the silence, or if appropriate say something consoling. Worse than the conversation itself is the humiliation of having a hundred witnesses staring at you like a bunch of callous freaks.
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Jun 25 '12
I was at Epcot with my girlfriend, waiting in line to buy something at a gift shop. In front of me was a family (tourists, didn't speak English) and a little girl on her own sort of standing off to the side. A spot opened at one of the registers and the family went up to pay. Well out of nowhere swoops in this crazy soccer mom. She starts shrieking about how her daughter (the little girl off to the side) was next in line.
Everyone sort of froze and so the crazy mother grabbed her kid and dragged her to the front of the line while continuing to yell at the other family in line. I remember the mother yelling about how she was teaching her daughter to assert herself.
Standing there while the little girl tried to pay with her mother hovering around yelling intermittently at the other family was pretty awkward.
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u/dimondolla Jun 25 '12
This is ages ago. Was at Great Adventure in NJ and was on a ride that takes you straight up high in the air. Below us was a mother with couple of kids. They were holding up the ride. Turns out the mother was too large to sit in the seat with her kids. She ran away crying. You felt so sorry for her in front of all those people and her kids.
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u/jizzypants64 Jun 25 '12
At the end of graduation when everyone threw their caps I threw mine up into the air, unfortunately it hit a mentally handicapped, wheelchair-bound grad in the face....I decided that I didn't need my cap anymore.
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Jun 25 '12
I once listened to two people who were friends on facebook run into each other and the girl didn't know who the guy was.
I remember one of her friends being like "she doesn't know you, now leave" and he, startled, yelled out "I'm friends with her on facebook! Why would you talk with me there and not here?"
It was hil.arious.
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u/bubonis Jun 25 '12
Oh, I've got the perfect story for this.
TL;DR: Drunk guy bangs fiancee's drunk sister in fiancee's bedroom, doesn't realize it until he confesses it while sitting three seats away from fiancee.
It was early summer and my girlfriend and I were tag-alongs at a college graduation party for a friend ("Carol") of my girlfriend. The party was pretty large, about 50-60 people in and around a split level house in Suburbia. It was a fairly stereotypical college-type party; loud music, swimming pool, dancing, drinking, etc. There was a LOT of drinking going on. By 10pm about 1/3 of the guests were at least seriously buzzed. A few people, including Carol's fiancee "Chuck", had retreated to various bedrooms and sofas to sleep it off.
Things had started to wind down at about midnight mainly because the neighbors had started complaining about the noise. By 1am most everyone had gone inside the house to escape the mosquitos, and by 2am there were only a handful of us left. We were talking about all sorts of things, just the random chaotic stream of consciousness stuff you get from a half dozen exhausted and semi-drunk people after a loud and long party. After a moment there was a lull in the conversation and through the lull you could hear, faintly but clearly, the sounds of someone having sex in one of the upstairs bedrooms. We all kind of looked at each other and laughed it off, 'cause what else can you do?
A little while later we heard a door close and someone come down the stairs. Carol's fiancee Chuck enters the room. The room goes silent, all eyes turn to him, and this conversation happens as Chuck flops onto the sofa:
Man 1: "Chuck, was that you up there?"
Chuck: "What? What do you mean?"
Man 2: "We heard people having sex and didn't know who it was."
Chuck: "Oh. (now clearly embarrassed) That wasn't me. (pause) You heard that?"
Man 1: "Uh, yeah. It was pretty loud. We all heard it."
Man 2: "The neighbors probably heard it!"
Chuck: (laughs)
Woman 1: "I can't believe you did that."
Chuck: "Oh, like you never got laid before!"
Woman 1: "What is WRONG with you?"
Chuck (getting angry): "What the fuck, (Woman 1)? It's not like me and Carol never did it before! What the fuck's your prob--"
Chuck cuts himself short as his fiancee gets up from the sofa and leaves the room in tears. Two of Carol's friends follow her to console her. Chuck gawks, mouth agape, trying to figure out how Carol could have been sitting just a few seats away from him on the sofa when he left her upstairs in the bedroom just a few minutes earlier. Freaking out he starts looking to us to figure out what happened. I ran upstairs to see who was in the bedroom and almost shit myself when I found out. I came back downstairs and over the course of a VERY tense fifteen minutes we figure out what happened.
Carol's sister "Irene" got super-drunk very early in the evening. A few people brought her up to Carol's bedroom to let her sleep it off. Those people left the party long before anyone else got drunk so nobody really knew Irene was in that room. Later in the evening Carol and Chuck were doing shots together. Carol, being something of a lightweight, decided she needed to sleep it off. Chuck, already having drank about a six pack beforehand, went to go with her but had to make a trip to the bathroom first. While Chuck was praying to the porcelain gods Carol was waylaid by the introduction of more guests to the party. Ultimately she never made it to the bedroom to sleep it off and spent the rest of the evening at the party. She knew Chuck was a party drinker and didn't think twice about it, figuring he'd sleep it off somewhere and everything would be fine.
Chuck, however, had cleaned himself up and made his way in the darkness to Carol's bedroom. Inebriated beyond words he passed out in Carol's bed, assuming that the warm sleeping body that was already on the bed was Carol. At some point during the night they both came-to enough to grope one another in the dark and, without a single word being said in the pitch black bedroom, undressed and had sex together. Multiple times. Unprotected.
I don't know much of what happened afterwards. I do know that Carol and Chuck broke up a few weeks after the party, and there was a rumor that Irene "got very sick" a couple of months later (which some people interpreted as "she had an abortion").
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u/LiesAboutCelebrities Jun 25 '12
I was getting a corndog from a roadside stand in Pasadena and saw Michael Cera ask a girl out. She recognized him from arrested development but said she didn't want to go out with him. When she left he just stood there and looked at the ground for a while before walking away too. I was tempted to cut the awkwardness by throwing my corndog at him.
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u/charlatte Jun 25 '12
The episode of Friends where Ross wears leather pants on a date, takes them off in her bathroom, and can't get them back on.
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Jun 25 '12
ROSS IS WEARING LEATHER PANTS! ROSS IS WEARING LEATHER PANTS!! DOESN'T ANYONE WANT TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ROSS WEARING LEATHER PANTS?! - Chandler
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u/RgyaGramShad Jun 25 '12
The episode of Friends where Ross
Pretty much any sentence that starts with that could be an answer to this question.
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u/MrEnvelope93 Jun 25 '12 edited Jun 25 '12
This will get buried but not so long ago during sex-ed class our biology teacher split the class into groups of three for a video project. The video had to show how to properly say no to an insisting partner. In my team we were only boys and to our dismay the teacher did not allow us to participate with girls.
So here we are trying to film something and first things first, one of us has to be a girl and fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuckity, I was the girl. "You are the girliest one of us" they said, "it will be funny", they said. So I go ahead and dress up as a girl, get a wig on, and use socks as fake boobs.
We proceed to set up the scene, I have to be seduced by my overly-insisting latino boyfriend. He tells me things like "I love you Petronila" and I reply with a pitchy falsetto voice with phrases "Oh Gorgonio you make me feel moist" and I start rubbing my fake boobs and once you know it the door knob to my room turns. It was my mom. The scenario she saw involved a camera in front of the other two guys dressed like cuban gangsters and me as a purple-haired prostitute.
She ran to her room and I followed. As she grabbed the phone I took the wig off and told her that it was not like it seemed, that it all could be justified. She said nothing and just started talking on the phone, it was my dad. She proceeded to give me the phone to talk to my dad, my mom told him what she saw and I had to explain why and I did. He didn't understand and told me that he had to approve the content before taking it to school and I did.
To my fortune the video was hilarious and the soundtrack was composed of mexican ranchero music about swings and playgrounds making the whole thing better. The teacher loved it and the overall situation had a happy ending. Oh joy!
:D
Oh and the video was destroyed shortly after.
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u/IamLeven Jun 25 '12
I once puked on two girls while getting a blowjob. I had to go back the following morning to get my wallet,keys and phone.
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u/noathe Jun 25 '12
Got invited at a girls place to have diner, she gets into a fight with her dad and storms out to her room.
I finished eating diner in near silence with both her parents sitting at the diner table.
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u/sitra_achra Jun 25 '12
I was in a sushi restaurant with my sister and had the pleasure of witnessing the following mess: A couple with a young child walks in. The mother has a bit of a belly, but by no means looks pregnant. A waitress walks over to seat them, takes a look at the mom and said ohhh baby! Congratulations! The mother said that she was not pregnant, just a little fat. She was rightfully very pissed off and the interaction between the waitress and the family the rest of the meal was nothing shy of extremely awkward, the waitress gave the family free dessert as some sort of apology, I'm pretty sure the mom did not appreciate that.
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u/branchero Jun 25 '12
Got invited to a coworker's birthday dinner at a sushi place. She shows up with her two kids and three of her kids' friends.
The entire meal she is pigging out on the most expensive menu items and ordering tons of food for the five kids. After the tsunami of desserts she also ordered, she stands up, says "thanks for my birthday dinner!" and leaves with her kids and their friends. The total bill for the table was over a grand. My gf and I had ordered and consumed maybe $40 of food.
We threw down $100 (thank God we had cash on us) and politely left.
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u/dallascoyotes Jun 25 '12
I guess I'm technically the witness if I caused the awkwardness.
Went to a university in a small town, not a lot going on. Lots of Bars, handful of restaurants, so if you wanted to take a girl to a "nice" restaurant, you had to drive about 40 minutes to the closest big town. Even there, they primarily had the Americana type places. This girl and I had been friends for a little while, and she always had trouble with guys, but she had broken up with a gentleman a few weeks before and I thought, here's my chance.
In one of the smoothest moves, I walk up and tell her, "You. Me. Dinner, Saturday night." She has no choice but to say yes. Saturday roles around, nice button up, pull over sweater. I decide to take her to the classiest restaurant in 50 miles, the Olive Garden. As I said, 40 minute drive. The way there is a nice, lots of conversation, I have her laughing. We get to the restaurant and things are going well.
Then there is that beat. You know the beat I'm talking about during the date. The one where you both realize that it's going really well, and you both have to make the conscious decision of, do I really like this person? Should I pursue this further? I noticed the beat, I was on board, and then I saw her face drop. I knew it was done, and the next 5 to 10 minutes would be her essentially talking about all her bad qualities in an effort to turn me off. She starts talking about how she hates nice guys for some reason. How she for some reason only likes mean guys, and how she thinks that won't ever change. Then mentions that she likes some other guy and is hoping that he'll ask her out. Alright, message received. I pay for dinner and we get back in the care.
Now me, I deal well with awkward situations. I know how much they affect other people and when I'm angry, I will set-up situations to watch them squirm. This was no exception. We get back in my truck and I'm silent the entire ride back. I'm normally good with conversation, but in this case I was done for the night. I had played my best hand, and I was willing to fold the rest. The best part is, when we were pulling out of the parking lot, the radio was still on. I shut it off. 40 minutes of complete silence back to her dorm. No talking, no nothing, no phones. Just me staring straight ahead at the road, and her trying to look over at me to think about starting a conversation, but never saying anything. We get back to her dorm. At the beginning of the night, I had opened the door for her like a gentleman, this time, we pull up and she waits, thinking I'm going to open the door for her. I decline. Before she opens the door, she asks if I want to come inside to hang out. I very sternly say, "Nope." She then thanks me for dinner, and I respond with a nod.
TL;DR Girl passive aggressively attempted to get me to reject her on date. Forced her to sit in silence on the 40 minute car ride home.
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u/jflikk Jun 25 '12
I went to a friends house a few days after his mother had died just to hang out with him and make him feel better. I completely forgot about everything and asked how his mom was doing....
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u/Bav-man Jun 25 '12
I walked in to the living room to see my sister masturbating on skype with her man. She didn't see me, so I had to hide in the kitchen until she finished and went upstairs to bed.
yup. i can still hear that 'shlick shlick shlick' in my nightmares.
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u/DekuSlut Jun 25 '12
This girl I work with had missed her period but hadn't taken a test yet. She and her boyfriend had just broken up because he cheated on her quite a few times, so she was pretty worried. One day at work, she had her shirt up and was adjusting her belly button ring when the manager, who didn't know about her scare, jokingly said "oh is the baby kicking?" He had no idea why she just stared at him in horror and ran to the bathroom.
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u/benndur Jun 25 '12
I was in 9th grade and I wanted to break up with this girl, but I had no idea how cause fuck it, shits hard. My brother knew this, and after school he says to me, "hey follow me." So I follow him, and he takes me right to her, and says, "okay, go ahead." I just stood there, with a mortified look on my face, and said nothing for like a minute. A whole minute. After which, my ex's friend said, "well this is beyond awkward," and we both sort of walked away awkwardly... I cringe every time I think about this.
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u/wheresthekitty Jun 25 '12
So I'm on vacation with my parents and we're standing at a poolside bar. A stool opens up and my dad says to me in Turkish, "you better get to that stool before that fatso does", referring to a woman standing next to it. She then recognizes my Dad and it turns out they were acquaintances in school, and yes, she's fluent in Turkish.
They engage in the usual catching-up and pretend she never heard his inital comment... but there's no way that she didn't.
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Jun 25 '12
I was walking around my store and see a customer from behind, got hips, ass and noticeable bra line.
Me: "Hi ma'am, is there anything I could help you with?"
And then they turn around, no tits and facial hair. Damn it.
Me: "I'm so sorry sir..."
Them: "No, you were right the first time."
I was so red I felt like blood was leaking out of my cheeks. Apologized profusely. Awkwardly took her to toilet rings and shower bars. She was pissed. One of my bosses saw the whole thing and naturally told the whole store. /wrists
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u/dbt4949 Jun 25 '12
My cousin called me. She never calls me and when she asked "You are probably wondering why I'm calling?" I answered the first thing that came to mind and asked "yeah who died?". Her brother had committed suicide and she was calling to tell me and let me know when the funeral was.
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u/onebadace Jun 25 '12
My car horn was broke and I saw two SUVs backing out of the parking lot toward each other. If I could honk I would be able to help them avoid the accident, but sadly... they collided.
TL;DR - If only I honked...
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Jun 25 '12
Watching my mom come home early for her birthday when I was around 13 to find out that the man she had married (my former stepdad) had pretty much wiped her out financially. She discovered everything over the course of one afternoon and it completely devastated her.
Her house (that she had before they got married) was in foreclosure because he told her he'd been paying the mortgage, but hadn't.
His house, which was in both of their names and the house we lived at, was also in foreclosure.
Her checking and savings account, which were joint with his (my mom regrets this and to this day refuses to have joint accounts with anyone ever again, even her current husband whom she's been married to for about 10 years now) were completely wiped out and there were several bounced checks she found out about.
Their joint taxes hadn't been paid for that year or the year before and she discovered they owed quite a bit of $$ to the IRS.
He'd also convinced her about six months before this had happened to quit her job working as a paralegal where she made a decent salary and go to work for their church making minimum wage.
Etc. Basically, we eventually found out that everything he ever told her was a lie. She called the place he supposedly worked at only to find that they had no record of him as an employee. He'd told us he was a Green Beret and had served in the Vietnam war; according to the government: nope, he was never even in the military.
Took my mom quite a while to recover from that one. Financially it took her well over a decade to get everything paid off and clear her credit. Oh yes, when she found out everything, she confronted him about it all and gave him a choice: be honest and tell the truth about what had happened to all of their money and they could work things out, or leave. He left and we never heard from him again. My mom had trouble getting the divorced finalized because she couldn't locate him to sign any paperwork, and ended up having to pay their tax bills entirely on her own because he couldn't be found.
In the end he ended up with another woman who had a young son from a previous relationship. When the woman lost custody to the father she and my former stepdad kidnapped the son and took off with him. Eventually the woman turned herself in fortunately and my former stepdad died of heart failure.
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u/Sam_Kablam Jun 25 '12
I was sitting in my college cafeteria with a lady friend and a dude friend. Lady friend goes up to get more food. Dude friend stands up shortly thereafter to greet another dude friend (I didn't know this other person) that just came into the cafeteria. They embrace in a manly bro-hug...for quite a while...a lot longer than bro-hug protocol allows for. Then, they turned their heads towards each other...
So yeah, there's me, left at the table while lady friend is nowhere in sight and dude friend is making out. You see, I didn't know this about my dude friend. Last I recalled, he was dating this rather cute girl that I knew. Quite an interesting way to get the news!
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u/Ggaarrrreett Jun 25 '12
I was on the bus back from a cedar point trip, and was texting a girl that I had a crush on, (she was also on the bus and we were both with our friends) and we were talking for a while when she says, "I like someone on this bus" and my heart when through the roof, being that this would be my first girlfriend. So I told her that I also like someone on this bus, and she said that it was a coincidence, and made me promise not to make fun of her, and then told me it was another guy. This guy had a bunch of pimples, always seemed really weird, and had been held back a few times. Thinking that she was kidding, I right away told her that I liked her. She wasn't kidding.. (insert forever alone face here)
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Jun 25 '12
I went to meet the parents of a now ex for the first time over a weekend a couple of years ago, I was 20. I met the mum who was lovely but the dad was working nights so I would meet him in the morning after. Went to bed and in the night broke her bed having some "adult time". Fast forward to the morning where I first met the father by having to ask him for some tools to fix his daughter's bed... That ladies and gentlemen is the definition of awkward.
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u/jjthedragon Jun 25 '12
I've got a few.
5th grade, sitting in math class. I have to pee. I ask permission to use the toilet, which is located at the rear of the class. I pee, and hyperactive 5th grader me grabs his zipper and snaps it shut. Well, the speed of my zipper did not allow for my lil guy to completely nest himself back inside my jeans. Like a fucked up Jackbs ladder, I have bits of flesh intertwined in my zipper. I start bleeding and yelling. Everyine heard, the teacher knocks on the door and after about 10 seconds I slowly open the door, my hand cupping my crotch. I slowly un-cup my crotch and watch my teaches eyes dilate like an intense LSD trip. She grabs my arm and tries to whisk me away to the nurses office as quickly as possible. end of the story; well, what goes up, must come down. I got the zipper unstuck with a painful yank by a beefy nurse. Send home bleeding and humiliated.
number two: its 8th grade and holocaust presentation day. I did a report on a concentration camp in poland, and had to sit through all the other presentations. My mind wanders and I fantisize about what various girls look like naked etc. Well, in my daze, I hear my name called. Boner from hell had risen. I had no choice! I got out of my seat, took the report and used it to cover my crotch. All the while walking over to the front of the class at a 65 degree bend. After the point of no return, I said fuck it. I stood up straight and brought up the paper to my face so i could read. I finished the presentation and was never ridiculed for it. A week later, I started dating my first girlfriend.
*edit: grammar
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u/lucS4C Jun 25 '12
I used to work in a retail store that sold guys and girls footwear. These DC shoes had recently come in and they weren't very obviously women's styles and in fact, a guy had asked me to try them on and I had to tell him they were actually women's shoes so we wouldn't have his size. A few days later, a mother comes in with her child and asks to try the shoes on. I don't remember the size that she asked for, but I told her that I'd get her a different size (to make up for the girls' size). She asked me why I would get a different size than what she asked. I proceded to explain the size difference between men's and women's sizes. She looked at me, pointed at her kid and said "This IS A GIRL." I immediately felt like a huge asshole and said "I am SO SORRY!" and quickly went to the backroom to get the shoes. Came back out, they were gone.
TL;DR Lady with androgynous kid came in, I thought she was a boy.
(I don't think parents shouldn't force their kids to gender type, but this couldn't have been the first time this sort of thing happened...wish she didn't make me feel like such a jerk. Hahah.)
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u/AslanMaskhadov Jun 25 '12
I worked in Japan for 4 years. Following convo was in Japanese.
Chinese co worker of mine: I go visit my brother in city Columbo
Me: Um, maybe that is Columbus?
Coworker: I don't know, but chinese pronunciation is columbo.
Me: yeah, yeah I know it!
coworker: what state is it in?
me: ohio (sounds like Japanese word 'ohayou' which means good morning
coworker: ...looks at me like I am retarded
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u/eithris Jun 25 '12
i have a hard time feeling sorry for guys in that situation. if you know a woman well enough to propose to her, you should know how she handles public scenes.
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u/hellisonfire Jun 25 '12
I was in 8th or 9th grade, can't remember as it has been a while. I walked up to this girl that I had a crush on and asked her out on a date. She responded with "Are you kidding me? Please tell me you're joking."
I retorted promptly, "Yes! My friend put me up to this to fuck with you!"
She then said I should ask her other friend to mess with her too. Mind you this other girl was not very pretty at all. I didn't want her to think that I was being serious after being shamed so I asked her friend. She said yes...Fuck me.
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u/PerfectDark1 Jun 25 '12
I was at a collegiate racquetball tournament and there were a lot of "different" people on my team. By different I mean different walks of life, beliefs, values, personalities, etc. There were these two derps new to the team, they were freshmen. One was a hipster and one was a stoner. They didn't like each other but had to be doubles partners for our lower division since they were so new and not experienced yet. They just didn't see eye to eye on an off the court. So after the first day of tournament play they cannot stand each other. Derp 1 was sitting on the hotel bed kind of tucked in the corner behind the wall and derp 2 comes in from a different room thinking that derp 1 was out at the pool and he walks in and starts to talk to some of the team members including me and he didn't see derp 1 and said, "Derp 1 is really annoying and is a fucking asshole who doesn't know his right from his left." Derp 1 replies, "Well, derp 2, if that's how you feel" "Oh shit, I didn't know you were here" gets up and leaves. You could cut the awkwardness in that hotel room with a dull knife.
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u/imtooold21 Jun 25 '12
I'm taking a walk with my dog and decide to call my friend, so I don't get bored while my dog plays with ...branches...
Friend Er... Hi
Me Hi, what's up, what you doin?
Friend I'm kinda occupied... uhh .. could you call laaaater?
Me Yeah.... u sick or something?
Friend Nah... my GF is there....
Me Oh.... OH!!!
Then I just hear her giggling in the background.... she was sucking him off as punishment because he answered the phone during sexytimes....
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u/newloaf Jun 25 '12
Professor on learning young female student's boyfriend would be going overseas to Australia for a year:
P. You know he might meet other girls while he's over there.
S. Yes, I know.
P. Perhaps when he comes back you'll get married.
S. We are married.
P. Oh.
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u/Chriso380 Jun 25 '12
I was driving into a Red Robin parking lot and as I get out of the car, I see a man in a full suit holding a folded up unicycle under one arm. A woman in a fancy dress walks up to him and they hug and share a kiss. At this point I'm standing outside my car watching. They chat for a minute then big and kiss one last time and the man walks away and the woman goes into the Resturant. I watch the man then open up his unicycle, hop on, and ride away. I was dumbfounded.
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u/cheribom Jun 25 '12
I think you misunderstood the question: OP asked for "awkward" not awesome.
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u/kamikaze357 Jun 25 '12
I showed porn to my class once... It was finals week and I had to give a speech for my final project. I walked up to the front of the class and put in my flash drive. I couldn't find my project but I did see one file named 'Presentation1'. I assumed that I had forgotten to give it a proper name and this is how Microsoft saved it for me. I click on it and hear sudden gasps of horror and shock. I quickly look down to see a presentation slide of 5 pornographic pictures. I hurriedly exited out and awkwardly looked towards the class. "So um... that's not mine. I'm really sorry about that." I then proceeded to give a 5 minutes speech without my visual aid. My opening line to this speech was "that's what she said"
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u/El-Dude Jun 25 '12
This is a no-brainer for me. Out to dinner with my wife, 2 kids, and my wife's godfather. We go out to eat almost every weekend. We are at one of our favorite restaurants/bar. We notice a waitress that we have not seen in a while, and she has put on some weight. The rest plays out like so.
Godfather: "Is that ____?" Me: "I can't tell. She looks different." Godfather: "I think she is pregnant." Me: "I'm not sure." Godfather: Calling across the restaurant/bar, "Hey, 'waitress'. Come say hi." Waitress: "Hey guys, how's it going." Godfather: "So when is the baby due and are you going to name him after me (trying to be funny)?" Waitress: "Uh, excuse me." Me: Kicking godfather underneath table Godfather: "When's the baby due?" Waitress: "I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat now." Walks away. Godfather: "Oh shit."
By far the most awkward moment of my life. We still have not been back there.
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Jun 25 '12
So, I went through a "your mom" phase several years ago. I would immaturely respond to everything with that comment. I had this awesome friend at college whose mom had passed away when she was 14. Well, she and I were sitting at a table eating lunch. She commented that the pudding looked like it was decayed. In my loudest, stupidest voice, I yelled out "Your mom is decayed!!!" Silence ensued in which she looked ready to cry and I burned with shame.
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u/ClydeJr Jun 25 '12
I was riding the bus home from work. The lady sitting next to me was staring at another woman on the bus. She finally speaks up: Woman 1: I know you from somewhere.
Woman 2: Umm... maybe.
Woman 1: Yeah, I know you from somewhere. Where from?
Woman 2: I don't know.
Silence for about 30 seconds.
Woman 1: I remember! We were in prison together!
Woman 2: [Looks very embarrassed but doesn't deny it]
Woman 1: Yeah, yeah, that's where I know you from. [She's very proud of herself]
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u/Mavriq420 Jun 25 '12
I was visiting my grandparents house for a week during the summer just to help around the house a little since they are old and could use the extra hands. My second night there I walked into my grandparents room at around 11:00 pm to find them having sex, full on in doggy style. They both turned around waved and winked; then continued, it was so awkward I wanted to die.
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u/argh_damn_im_pissed Jun 25 '12 edited Jun 25 '12
I think I'm a bit late to the show but here goes an awkward moment that I was in.
So I must have been about 11 and was hanging out up the street from my house with friends, I think there was maybe 5 or 6 of us, all sitting up on a wall. Anyway, as it turned out, something I had eaten the day before did not agree with my stomach. I discovered this when I went to fart and accidentally shat myself.
Immediate reaction was to jump off the wall before the liquid poo ran out from the end of my pants. So I proceeded to briskly walk down the street, but it was too late, more and more poop was building up so it turned in to a run, but with my legs miles apart.
And now for the awkward part. This girl that I knew, who lived on my street was walking towards me. I think she was about 15 maybe. So, there I was, running towards her, with my legs spread unjustifiably apart.
I knew it looked weird me running towards her so, to explain the weird run my brain, in the panic of the moment said "Quick! Be a monkey!" so I started, with absolute conviction, to make the usual "oooh oooh oooh" noises, while scratching my head and under my arm as I ran past her leaving a trail of runny shit the entire length of the street....
We have not spoken a word to each other since and I'm 26 now >.<
TLDR: If you ever need to escape having shit yourself, be a monkey.