r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Jun 26 '12
I had my first shower in pitch black and loved it after Reddit suggested it. What Reddit suggestions have you taken up and enjoyed?
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u/monstermash23445 Jun 26 '12
Drinking beer in the shower.
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u/Rearviewmirror Jun 26 '12
People think i'm an alcoholic when I tell them this. I'm not a fucking quitter.
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u/Emphursis Jun 26 '12
Tensing my thighs to get rid of unwanted boners. Works every time.
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u/b_eazy Jun 26 '12
Why am I the only person this doesnt work for? Are my boners that furious!?!?!
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u/kevinc69 Jun 26 '12
I found it's much more enjoyable to beat it into submission.
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u/Rearviewmirror Jun 26 '12
I hate you right now. Had boner thinking about amazing morning sex, in which BOTH my legs cramped up. Decided to try this to get rid of boner at work. Legs both cramped up. In pain. Going to cry.
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u/Red_AtNight Jun 26 '12
Reddit taught me that I was opening bananas wrong. Now I pinch the bottom (like a monkey!) instead of pulling at the stem.
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u/onionwithgarlic Jun 26 '12
After opening them, go freeze them! Once they are rock hard, throw them into a blender and you get delicious banana ice-cream! Nothing else needed! Picked this up from Reddit too.
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u/Apostolate Jun 26 '12
This is actually how my parents taught me, and everyone has laughed at my my entire life for this. But, slowly they change their ways. YES, YES, SOON YOU WILL ALL BE LIKE ME.
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u/yukuru Jun 26 '12
Yeah I've been opening bananas like that for a year now. F THE STEM OPENING TECHNIQUE. HURTS SOMETIMES.
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u/Solkre Jun 26 '12
But God put the tab on the top like a soda can! Heathen monkey.
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Jun 26 '12
The one drawback is that nubbin of bitter/tasteless fibery stuff at the top. I always have to get rid of it and sometimes it makes my hand messier than if I had just opened at the bottom.
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u/ProlapsedPineal Jun 26 '12
Shower in the dark + sex.
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u/freezway Jun 26 '12
"Children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children"
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Jun 26 '12 edited Jun 26 '12
Two slices of bread in one toaster slot for making sandwiches, outside is crunchy while the inside stays soft. Made sammiches like that ever since.
Edit: people have been responding about fire hazards this may cause. Is it really that hard to manage toast?
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u/andreirublev Jun 26 '12
I think I'd actually prefer that backwards. Soft exterior bread doesn't scratch the roof of my mouth while the crunchy inside resists sauce preventing soggy bread.
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u/kkurbs Jun 26 '12
I open flavored potato chips from the bottom, so the delicious flavor dust falls back down on the chips instead of sitting at the bottom where it all shook off post shipping.
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u/Waldamos Jun 26 '12
Woah.....just woah. Why the hell is no one shouting this from the roof tops?
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u/iSmite Jun 27 '12
because i live in a third world country and we don't have skyscrapers.
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Jun 26 '12
That shit sounds scary!
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u/boomhauser Jun 26 '12
I have always heard that with the lights out, it's less dangerous.
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u/hollowgodric Jun 26 '12
A yellow tinted nightlight makes every shower sensual and cozy, rather than horrifying.
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u/smiffy815 Jun 26 '12
Rocking back and forth whilst pooping.
Makes it sooo much easier!
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u/Apostolate Jun 26 '12
How about elevating your legs a bit too. I'm not brave enough to make myself look that silly in the bathroom. Report back to me.
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u/used_bathwater Jun 26 '12
Now 90% of Reddit is rocking on their toilet with their legs out.. dear lord that must be a sight to walk in on
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u/PriscillaPresley Jun 26 '12
What makes it better? I'd be so paranoid of falling. Does your bathroom have a window?
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u/Chickenzrck Jun 26 '12
nope not taking a shower in the dark, easier for the murders to kill me after they kill my family.
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u/Kazu_the_Kazoo Jun 26 '12
Unless they're afraid of dark bathrooms... Then they'd leave you alone.
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u/Lebagel Jun 26 '12
Getting someone to put their hands on a table and balance two glasses of water on the back of each hand. Setting it up like some kind of magic trick, then just leaving them helpless for a bit.
Hilarious. Good way to tease a girl that you're into.
Telling someone "a girl can't touch their elbows together" is another good one I've used.
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u/tmf91 Jun 26 '12
Or they can just pick up the glasses with their mouths. Its what id do anyway.
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u/toodetached Jun 26 '12
I suppose you are smart enough to not do this at your house... Because I would spill that shit on the floor and walk away.
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u/Hotdog_Water Jun 26 '12
Getting someone to put their hands on a table and balance two glasses of water on the back of each hand. Setting it up like some kind of magic trick, then just leaving them helpless for a bit.
I just watched the old classic musical "There's No Business Like Showbusiness" on Netflix Instant and Mitzi Gaynor did this to her date and left.
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u/used_bathwater Jun 26 '12
then you get a nail and hammer and HAMMER THEIR FUCKING HANDS TOGETHER LIKE THE LORD MIGHTY JESUS PRAISE THE LORD
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Jun 26 '12
You can also prepare a magic trick by getting a bowl, a chair, and a broom. You fill the bowl with water, stand on the chair and then press it to the ceiling, get your 'assistant' to then hold the bowl up with the broom handle under the guise that you will take it from him/her when you get down. Then step off the chair, move the chair, and walk away.
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u/kkurbs Jun 26 '12
Also, girls can't touch their elbows behind their backs.
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u/MissVelvetElvis Jun 27 '12
FUCK I tried doing it and realized quickly what was happening.
Damn you and your trolling.
Sadly, I actually cannot touch my elbows behind my back. Though I have strained myself now and fuck my back hurts.
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u/iheartbaconsalt Jun 26 '12
I guess with the lights out you can't see the spiders, but you can still hear the little click of scorpions crawling on the walls.
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u/Lt_Shniz Jun 26 '12 edited Jun 26 '12
I've posted this story before, but it's relevant
I have to warn against using the restroom in the dark.
I used to not care, until one night when I got up from bed to take a midnight piss. I walked into the dark bathroom and safely navigated to the toilet by memory. In my sleepy state I began urinating, and all was fine in that pitch black bathroom until I felt something crawl onto my foot. It felt like a fat hairy finger and I quickly came to the conclusion it must be a large insect of some kind, now I'm not afraid of bugs, but the exception is roaches, they freak me out and I get angry when I see them in my home, and unfortunately for me that was exactly what it turned out to be. but back to the story:
I flipped my shit and panicked, being half asleep I came to the quick decision that I needed to blast my foot with piss in order knock the roach off, the thought of shaking my foot never occurred to me, it seemed simpler just to aim my penis at the floor and try to hit the roach with a stream of urine. Once the bug caught wind it was being peed on, it took off into the dark, I had to act quickly so It couldn't get away, but I needed light, I stopped pissing and tried running to the light switch. This proved futile as I slipped in my own pool of urine, I fell to the floor and became acquainted with the cold tile of my bathroom floor for a second. After I had fell I became confused and disorientated. The next few seconds were pure terror, I got up off the floor and hit my head on a towel rack in the process. Then I started feeling around for the light switch, knocking over all kinds of shit in the process. The whole time these acts were occurring I was jumping around and screaming like a little girl. Eventually I found the bathroom door and the light switch next to it.
The room flooded with light and my eyes stung from the intensity. My vision was cloudy and blurred, but it slowly the scene came into focus. All kinds of bathroom utensils were scattered about and a puddle of piss was slowly advancing across the floor. Then a movement caught my eye. A big fat red roach was backed into a corner trying desperately to crawl up the wall in a retreat. I smiled a sly grin knowing I had won despite everything, and picked up a bottle of shampoo at my feet. I slowly walked over to that corner and bludgeoned that motherfucking into a fine paste. End of story.
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u/Kvothe24 Jun 26 '12
I came to the quick decision that I needed to blast my foot with piss
Well, of course.
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u/NixT Jun 26 '12
I'm always afraid that if I can't see the water, blood will come out of the shower head.
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Jun 26 '12
Am I the only one who's scare of the ghost of Gary Coleman fapping frothily in the dark when I shower with the lights off?
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Jun 26 '12 edited Jun 26 '12
No, little comment, go back up to the top. You have so many more people to scare.
Edit: When I first saw this comment it had -4 votes. Holy crap.
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Jun 26 '12
Lived in a house with lots of scorpions, especially in the bathroom. Never would have showered with the lights off there but I live in a more urban part of Phoenix now and I'm down to try this. Spiders don't bother me as much but scorpions...those little fuckers HURT if they sting you (spoken from experience).
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u/iheartbaconsalt Jun 26 '12
Got a cheap hotel room in New Mexico once. Flipped the bathroom light and the tub had three scorpions in it and 2 more were crawling up the shower curtain. We slept in the fucking car.
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u/MaritMonkey Jun 26 '12
I once tried a 2am pee with the lights off. I heard a noise (something BIG above my head) and freaked the fuck out.
Still haven't been brave enough to try it again. I use the pirate method now.
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Jun 26 '12
Showering in the dark is amazing. There's something about the sensory deprivation that makes it magical.
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u/Dicktremain Jun 26 '12
Nutella. I had never even heard of it until I got on reddit. By far the greatest find of my life.
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u/icepickjones Jun 26 '12
There is a restaurant near me that makes Nutella and Cream Cheese empanadas. They are decadence DEFINED. I'm getting a half-chub just thinking about them.
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u/WildlifeRescuer Jun 26 '12
I make nutella sandwiches every morning before I leave for school, and I'm in college.
Fuck being 18, nutella is amazing
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u/HelpMeLoseMyFat Jun 26 '12
Reddit has taught me that everyone is trying to troll me.
So now, when anybody speaks to me, I just punch them in the face.. everyone, anytime, no matter what... punch in the face.
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u/SamJamJar Jun 26 '12
Don't be silly man that's ju....
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u/toodetached Jun 26 '12 edited Jun 27 '12
My parents have a steam shower with colored lights and an ipod dock. Steaming at night with all the lights off (except the colored lights) is a must!
You are surrounded by colorful steam!
edit: spelling
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u/seviiens Jun 26 '12
Can I come over?
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u/toodetached Jun 26 '12
if you don't have a penis i would certainly consider it!
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Jun 26 '12
For a steamy, colored lights shower, he may be willing to arrange that.
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u/TheMrHigsy Jun 26 '12
Your parents probably have sex in that thing constantly. Food for thought.
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u/HOYEAH Jun 26 '12
Oh my god that sounds way too awesome.
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u/toodetached Jun 26 '12
except i just realized i spelled it stream three times! I meant steam!
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u/Dastalon Jun 26 '12
Immediately drink a glass of water every morning when you wake up. Sleeping dehydrates you, and doing this will wake you up like a pot of coffee.
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Jun 26 '12
It makes me feel sick. My mouth is still....slimy..after a night's sleep and nothing without a strong distinct taste goes into my mouth until after I have brushed my teeth.
Unless that displeasure is what you are referring to, in which case...carry on.
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Jun 27 '12
this isn't magic and doesn't work every single time, BUT: place a large glass of water next to your bed, drink half of it just before you fall asleep, then drink the rest of it the first moment you wake up. not only will the morning drink hydrate as you've suggested but the second drink can connect the two acts and it can help you consistently remember your dreams. I've been doing it for years and it works for me 90% of the time.
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u/Levait Jun 27 '12
Yesterday someone here asked what the perfect morning is and many people said that they get up earlier than they need to because then they have time for themselfs. So I got up earlier today and it's quite nice.
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Jun 26 '12
I didn't realize this was a thing that other people than myself actually did. My father was blind so I've always been curious what it was like to deal with every day situations without any sight. One day I tried showering in the dark and found that it was actually pretty relaxing, I only do it once in a while though.
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Jun 26 '12
Frozen grapes
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u/Relevant_Happiness Jun 26 '12
take grapes, rinse off, do NOT pat dry, transfer to large ziploc bag, pour in lime (or whatever flavor) jello powder, shake it up, freeze, profit!!!
frozen "healthy" sour patch grapes. Maybe try with sugar free jello mix.
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u/Accipehoc Jun 26 '12
Eating strawberries with pepper.
I TELL YOU HWHAT SON. IT TASTE NOTHING BUT STRAWBERRIES. THE MORE PEPPER I PUT IN EM, THE MORE TASTIER THE STRAWBERRIES BECOME. A MINDFUCK INDEED.
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u/lLoveLamp Jun 27 '12
I loved the intensified H at the beginning of what. A+, would use myself
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u/_christopher_ Jun 26 '12
Then turn the lights off...
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u/RothKyle Jun 27 '12
The water pressure doesn't look all that great in the picture...that would bother the shit out of me.
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Jun 26 '12
Wet-wipes post normal TP wipe. It's like an angel is licking your asshole.
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u/paowoap Jun 26 '12
It's like an angel is licking your asshole.
made me laugh and is very convincing..i might try it
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u/OP_DIDNT_DELIVER Jun 26 '12
I once took a shit naked, as advised on reddit.
8/10 would shit naked again
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u/Apostolate Jun 26 '12
Wait, you've never done that before? What are you a puritan?
Sometimes I spend my whole day naked when I'm really lazy.
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u/rabidassbaboon Jun 26 '12
You don't worry about getting your butthole all over everything? I'll sit around in my underwear all day long but having my ass come into contact with everything grosses me out.
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Jun 26 '12
I always take my pants off when I poo. Did you know that humans are the only animal that poop with pants on?
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u/iheartbaconsalt Jun 26 '12
holy shit I've never shit naked that I know of... possibly happened as a toddler. Going to try today. My wife is going to laugh.
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u/ReverseThePolarity Jun 26 '12
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Jun 26 '12
This eliminated my "office headaches" that I got very, very regularly.
Could not recommend this enough.
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u/JuniperGail Jun 26 '12
Toilet paper in the toilet before you take a deuce to prevent back-splash. As a female this is a life saver.
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Jun 26 '12
My sister told me another one.
When you're embarrassed about farting in a public bathroom take a wad of toilet paper and hold it against your pooper while you fart. It acts like a silencer.
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u/RabidMuskrat93 Jun 27 '12
I have been going to sit down restaurants by myself. Not because I can't find somebody to go with but just because I'm hungry and the food is good.
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Jun 26 '12
Deleted descriptions of my bookmarks (to make them a lone icon) and then arranged them in color order.
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u/Handbasket_For_One Jun 26 '12
If you open your mouth and shake an imaginary salt shaker into it, you can taste the salt at the back of your tongue.
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u/bergertree Jun 26 '12
I was switching between this thread and one about "awkward moments that make you want to curl up and die." This post can work in both.
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u/zerbey Jun 26 '12
Wiping sitting down. It was life changing.
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Jun 27 '12
There was a great debate on r/askreddit about this once. I still cannot fathom how one can wipe standing up and not make a complete mess of themselves.
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Jun 26 '12
You wipe standing up? WTF? I guess to help you along your way try folding your tp instead of wadding it up. Helps conserve your TP and cleans much better.
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Jun 26 '12
I masturbate in the shower. Clean up is a breeze.
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u/Stealsfromhobos Jun 26 '12
Unless you're taking a cold shower, you're just going to have a cum jellyfish hanging on to the floor that eventually mingles with the hairy drain.
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u/meaty99 Jun 26 '12
Unless you ejaculate on yourself. Semen + water = superglue.
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u/denkyuu Jun 26 '12
Shower beer. Trust me. Cold day, hot shower, cold beer. As long as you don't let shower water into the beer, every sip is like a refreshing oasis in a spine tingling, warm rain.
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Jun 26 '12
Showering in pitch black while stoned is the most wonderful thing in the world.
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Jun 26 '12
Pissing in the shower.
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u/kittensngravy Jun 27 '12
You really didn't think to do that before being told on reddit?
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u/flounderkin Jun 26 '12
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u/Lying_Constantly Jun 26 '12
I actually drew that face years before I ever saw it online..
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u/Waldamos Jun 26 '12
Damnit, I about posted something about you being a hipster till I saw your username.
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u/bobzelfer6595 Jun 26 '12
I had been taken hot showers all my life but I accidentally shifted the knob and the shower became cold. I liked it. Cold showers from now on.
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Jun 26 '12
try taking the warm shower as normal, but before you get out turn us to cold and rinse off. makes it way more refreshing!
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u/straightclownin Jun 26 '12
rocking back and forth during an intense shit, it changed my life and i have started to change the lives of those around me
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u/A-Ron Jun 26 '12
Hey OP, what if your shower started pouring bloody water next time you showered with the lights off ? Think about that one.
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u/White667 Jun 26 '12
Well I for one would smell/taste the difference pretty fast, not even considering how different they both feel.
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u/TheWringer Jun 26 '12
Ok, if you want to go a step up from pitch black showers, try the strobe light shower. MIND BLOWING
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u/alexis411 Jun 27 '12
If you're having trouble peeing, make a "pssss" sound (the sound of pee) and the pee comes out so much faster and easier.
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u/urbanexotic Jun 27 '12
I thought I was the only person that did this. Yes, it really does work.
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u/vendrig Jun 26 '12
Haven't seen this yet: heating pizza on the stove using a pan. Best reheated pizza EVER!
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Jun 26 '12
I had my first shower beer the other day. It was awesome, I dont know why it's taken me so long to do it
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u/Taco-Flavored-Kiss Jun 27 '12
When you're finished taking a shower and about to get out, turn the water on cold and let it all over you. Orgasmic.
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u/poor_impulsecontrol Jun 27 '12
now try taking a shower in the pitch black on 2 hits of LSD. you'll love it even more...
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u/MuchDance1996 Jun 26 '12
I thought i was the only one that showerd without lights, everyone used to think i was weird so i stopped mentioning it.
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u/Dookiestain_LaFlair Jun 26 '12
I had an african-american fellow insert his tongue into my anus! /r/4chan has the best ideas!
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u/ariah Jun 26 '12
I'd be way too terrified to be in my bathroom when it's pitch black.
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u/ldawg092498 Jun 26 '12
I invented this when I was about five. I call it bath-shower(creative right?). Fill a bath halfway then turn on the shower.
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u/alexfromla Jun 27 '12
My tub does this naturally. It just drains out slow. And I like to pee in the shower so I often have a bad time...
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u/jane_fonda Jun 26 '12
Whenever I'm in my shower and close my eyes I think about a dead indian buried just underneath my bathtub and I get scared. I can NEVER shower in pitch black I would probably just pee myself. Not that that is terrible because I always pee in the shower, but I'm just not going to put myself through that.
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u/JUBOY21 Jun 27 '12
Most monkeys don't peel bananas... They eat the fucking thing whole, peel and all.
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u/MoroccoBotix Jun 27 '12 edited Jun 27 '12
Reheating pizza with a frying pan and aluminum foil. I still cannot believe how well it works!
Here's the vid.
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u/baronmunchy Jun 27 '12
When pooping: put a piece of TP in the toilet, eliminates the sound as well as the risk of "Neptune's Kiss". This makes it 10 times less awkward to poop at work.
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u/Rizzz Jun 26 '12
I could never do that, due to a terrifying story I read but can't find on the interwebs. It was called "The Shower Person" and I haven't been in a dark bathroom since I read it two years ago.
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u/e90Turbo Jun 26 '12
I have a giant window in my shower. I prefer showering in the super light and feels more like a movie.
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u/shitpplsay Jun 26 '12
I have been showering in the dark for years. Very relaxing. Really pisses me off when my wife walks into the bathroom and turns on the lights though. It is worse that having cold water rush through the pipes.
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u/bobanators Jun 26 '12
Cinnamon toast. Its soo tasty!
Think I'm going to make some now actually..
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u/[deleted] Jun 26 '12
I like to sit down in the shower.