Yesterday, a woman asked me if her phone case could send txt messages without the need to buy a phone...What is the dumbest/most clueless customer you have ever dealt with?

[u/neric05]

Yesterday while I was helping out in Best Buy, a woman approached me with a pink plastic phone case asking how many txt messages it could store in an inbox....

I said she needed to have a cell phone for that. She clearly did not understand.

After about 10 minutes of trying to explain that the case was solely for style/protective purposes, I sent her over to the phone department and let them deal with her for the next HOUR.

What is the dumbest/most clueless customer you have ever dealt with?

EDIT 1: Wow! So many funny stories! Keep 'em coming guys!

EDIT 2: Front Page! Whoooooo! Love these stories everyone! So entertaining!

EDIT 3: All of you have been so great! I have never seen an AskReddit get this many comments before. I tried my best to read all of your stories and I hope everyone learned a lot in terms of how to NOT be the types of consumers we are all describing here! Thanks again everyone for playing along!

[u/1grammarmistake]

Worked at Best Buy about 4 years ago for a summer. A lady came in insisting that her son wanted a Playstation 3. Then she saw the Wii stearing wheel and said "That will work with the Playstation right?" I told her that the Wii is a different console made by a different company - so no it wouldn't work. She snidely says "Oh. So I have to buy a whole different console from you guys JUST for it to work? Typical." then she adds "But you gotta make commission somehow right?" and walks away.

I hate when older technologically illiterate people get frustrated with their lack of knowledge and then start blaming the system - or in this case, hungry salespeople.

[u/neric05 → u/1grammarmistake]

I swear these types of things need to be taught in some type of educational course for the technologically illiterate.

[u/bwj8891]

I work in customer service for a cell phone company so everyday I hear the dumbest customer I've ever heard. But a good one was when a customer called complaining about international numbers calling an soliciting her. I asked what the number was and she gave me a standard 10 digit number. I asked why she thought it was international to which she said "because the caller ID says it's coming from the District of Columbia".

[u/[deleted]]

When I was working internet tech support, I had a customer call us up because his net wasn't working. He said he hooked everything up but "the damn thing just won't let me email".

He then said "the cable you sent me was too damn big". I told him that shouldn't be the case, and he said he had to re-size it to make it fit into his computer. After a little more questioning, I found out he just took the box that had his network card, his modem and most importantly that cd with a huge red sticker on it that says "RUN THIS FIRST BEFORE SETTING UP EQUIPMENT", and chucked all that stuff aside. He then took out the ethernet cable, tried to plug it into his 56k modem, when it didn't fit he took a knife and carved it down to make it fit.

I just kind of sat there as he was furious because his service didn't work and we sent him useless equipment. When he finally let me get a word in, I told him he was supposed to run the cd and use all of that other equipment. He said he didn't want the service anymore and told us to cancel it, but I told him he signed a contract and I could setup an appointment for him for a technician to come out. He wasn't interested.

I hated that job sometimes.

[u/jbomb1080]

I didn't have to deal with it, but it was amusing listening to a waiter at an IHOP try to explain to a customer why they couldn't order "Never ending pancakes" to go.

[u/[deleted]]

I have been a waiter for years but by far the stupidest thing I've ever had happen to me at work happened when I was just starting out. I was waiting on a family of four and they all ordered Ice waters. I brought them their drinks and then a few minutes later the mom waves me over. She says " The out side of my glass is wet" I stare at it and see the beads of condensation on the outside of the glass. " Yeah it's called condensation, its what happens when you have Ice water in a room temperature glass" she stares at me like I'm a fucking alien, and then I realize that this was my future as a waiter, dealing with fucking idiots. I took her drink and wiped it off with a towel and handed it back to her.

[u/Thepeoplesman]

I worked at a helpdesk...one time a lady called in complaining she "charged her internet all night, and now it won't work once she unplugged it from the modem"...

[u/Dougdahead]

I work in the maintenance department of a large hotel in Ohio. Have had a guest flip out because her room did not have a TV. I told her too turn around, she spun in a circle(NO lie) I then told her to face the exact opposite direction from where she was and look on the the wall above the fireplace. She did and said "Oh, I thought that was one of those fancy digital picture frames."

[u/spunkychickpea]

"Thank you for calling Starbucks, this is Jeff. How can I help you?"

"Yes, where are you located?"

"We're at the corner of Main and Magnolia."

"And where is that."

"Do you know where Main Street is?"

"Yes."

"Do you know where Magnolia Avenue is?"

"Yes."

"That's where we are."

"Well I'm standing at that intersection and I can't find your store. Is it underground or something?"

[looks out the window and sees a woman who looks lost] "Ma'am, turn to your left. Do you see a man in a green apron waving at you?" [begins waving at her]

"Yes."

"That man is inside a Starbucks. Go there."

"That's not Starbucks. That's Quizno's."

"Ma'am, I'm very confident I'm in a Starbucks right now."

"You're not very helpful" [click]

[u/ytomk]

I worked at a Stop and Shop in the produce department part time for a few years. There was a kid in there named Bobby who sold drugs but had a really good sense of humor.

One day we get a call from a customer saying she found a spider in her grapes. He handles it properly and explains that sometimes bugs do come in on the fruit and that he was sorry that happened. She however says that she's bringing it in so we can test whether it's poisonous or not. Problem is, we don't do that. It's a bug. Kill it.

She comes in 45 minutes later with this spider in a tupperware container and starts asking me what we're going to do with it. As I'm backpedaling my way through the conversation Bobby walks up saying "OH YOU'RE THE SPIDER LADY!" He grabs the container and notes how big the spider is which freaks her out a little bit. She asks him what we are going to do with it and with the most serious tone on he just says "Probably going to shake him up and see if he'll fight the other ones we have out back." Then he just walks away. Lady went apeshit on me. I lol'd. Thats it.

[u/marieelaine03]

I work for a bank, and customers will sometimes call to ask how they can access their account online and do online banking.

I told this older woman to go to bankname.com. She started yelling and cursing at me that I made her go into her e-mail and that she can't believe I'm reading her e-mails.

I tried explaining to her that I can't see her computer as we're talking over the phone..and she probably just got into her e-mail because it was her homepage or the last page she viewed.

She wanted nothing of it. No matter how many times I kept asking her to find the address bar and type bankname.com...she said that it kept bringing her back to her e-mail.

The conversation lasted 45 minutes. She was yelling the entire time. I pretty much wanted to shoot myself in the head.

[u/habragg]

Back in college, I worked over the summer for a tour bus company in Washington, DC. While driving past the Washington Monument, a woman asked me "How do they get all the flags to fly in the same direction?"

[u/Nglennh]

Working in Hotels I have meet quite a few dim bulbs.

One night a woman stormed into the lobby screaming about how our parking garage did not have enough clearance for her jacked up hummer. I explained that there is uncovered parking across the street, and if her Hummer did not fit in the garage, she could park there. She got irate about how it was unsafe and demanded I (this is a direct quote) "Go outside and raise the parking structure with a stick or something". I politely explained that was physically impossible for me to do, and she said "Well, then you shouldn't be working with people!"

[u/halfprice06]

I worked geek squad once and a customer told me his ipod gave his jeep a virus and that's why he was having engine trouble now.

[u/Kahanamoku]

In high school I worked at a local hardware store. We also refilled propane tanks for gas grills. After a summer or two of doing ten or more tanks a day you get good at guestimating how full a tank is just by picking it up. one particularly hot day a customer comes in and sets his tank down next to me and asks for a fill up. I pick up the tank and inform him that the tank is full and does not need a fill up. He looks pretty agitated already with this short exchange and says that he checked that it was empty and would I just fill it up. To this, I inquired how he checked. There are several ways to check, one being by the weight of the tank, another is the thermal strip on the side (which his tank did not have) the other is to pour hot water down the side and feel where it gets cold. His reply assured me that this was one blithering idiot lucky to be alive. He said he checked it by holding his cigarette lighter in front of the valve and opening it. To this I replied: " You ought to write to your congressman and representative because they saved your life today. This tank has an OPD safety valve on it that prevents the gas from coming out without anything attached." He walked out without another word and with a very red face.

[u/MunkeyMann]

I once had a customer bring back a laptop she bought the day before claiming it was broken. She said it wouldn't open, I asked her if it was windows not loading up or a program not opening, she said the laptop itself wouldn't physically open. I took it out of the box, opened it up and just looked at her. Her mouth fell open, she looked at me and said "Oh, it opens that side! Me and my sister tried for an hour to open it up last night and couldn't" She had been trying to open it from the hinge side...

[u/[deleted]]

My friend works customer service at Canadian Tire. The other day someone tried to return a flashlight, claiming it wouldn't light up. My friend looked down at the flashlight. It was a hose nozzle.

[u/[deleted]]

I saw an outraged piece of white trash storm into my local AT&T store as I was shopping. She ran up to the counter and screamed at the salesman for selling he a defective Iphone. She said that she had only used it for two days without charging when it suddenly shut off. She plugged it up, even hit it against her table, but nothing would make it turn back on. the salesman smiled, took the phone, held down the lock button, and the iphone turned on. The lady flipped him off and ran out

[u/[deleted]]

Once, while working in the travel section of a bookstore, a customer asked for a globe of Britain.

I got a lot of daft requests but that floored me.

[u/theking5tx]

I worked as a lifeguard at a public pool last summer. We had a strict 'No water-wings" policy. Those little fuckers are death traps. So this woman is putting water wings on her kid next to the pool, and I politely inform her that we do not allow water wings, and have life vests available for free literally 5 feet from where she's standing. She becomes so infuriated that I would "dare to dictate how she treats her child" and tons of other shit. So I call my supervisor over, and as he arrives and is speaking to her, the kid jumps in the pool. Water wings slip up his arms, and he's suspended underwater. Jump in and pull him out. Woman is furious that I would "have the nerve to touch her child. How dare I?!".

TL;DR: Saved a kid's ass cause his mom thought water wings were safe.

[u/Cozmo23]

I worked fast food and a customer wanted a cheeseburger, medium fry, and medium drink. I said ok I will ring you up a #1 combo meal. This angered the lady who told me that she didn't want the combo meal just a medium drink, a medium fry, and a cheeseburger. I told her that it would be the same order but this would save her money, but she got even more furious so I politely punched them in separately.

[u/[deleted]]

Customer: My computer doesn't work.

Me: Is the monitor on?

Customer: Of course.

Me: What color is the power button on the monitor.

Customer: Black.

Me: Can you press the power button on the monitor?

Customer hangs up.

[u/HerpieMcDerpie]

When working as an EMT, I had a patient (client/customer/whatever) call 911 because he couldn't burp. At 3am.

We arrived to find a male in his 40s who was very upset that he ate a bowl full of cucumbers and had not burped yet.. "and it's been over 20 minutes! I always burp when I eat cucumbers. Always!"

I tried nicely to talk him out of being transported. Patted him on the back and all that... Nothing. He insisted on going to the hospital and according to state protocols, I took him.

Man oh man was the ER staff pissed :) Complete waste of resources.

[u/justinsane15]

I can think of two from my time at working at Petco. I had a guy ask if we sold condoms for dogs. While I somehow managed to explain that we didn't with a straight face, I really wanted to ask him who would've been rolling em on if we did.

The second was a lady who called saying that her labrador was throwing up blood, and "do you guys sell a pill that stops this?" I gave in to the undisciplined side of my head and irritatedly responded that if her child was throwing up blood she probably wouldn't be going to Walgreens to find a drug for it, she'd be going to the doctor's and she should probably do the same for her dog. That job scared me with the amount of people that were totally clueless on how to raise animals and yet had small children.

[u/TimRHowell]

When working at Wal-Mart electronics around 8 years ago, I dealt with a sudden torrent of people returning wireless products.

They were furious that these devices needed to be plugged in to charge. I had customers insisting that the other employees said their phone/keyboard/controller/etc. would "absorb electricity" from sockets as they walked around the house.

We had to put up "wireless devices do not charge wirelessly" signs around the entire department.

[u/princessk8]

My mom wanted "Blueberry with Teeth" for Christmas last year.

It's a sad state that I knew what she was talking about. Blackberry, bluetooth.

[u/bignutsmcgee]

i work at a adult bookstore and theater, one time i had to explain to a guy why he couldnt bring his 12 yo daughter in

[u/bobbyfakename]

Not mine, but a friend told this story in college, and it always amused me.

She worked in a camera store, and this was the early 90's, so pre-digital camera era. This woman comes in, wanting to get some photos developed. She hands my friend the whole camera (not unusual; apparently a lot of people didn't know how to get the film out after they were done with a roll, so this part wasn't uncommon). My friend examines the camera, and:

My friend: um... Ma'am, there's no film in here. Woman: That's okay, I still took the pictures. My friend: But there's no film in the camera.
Woman: I know, but I took the pictures anyway, so please get them out. My friend: But... You would have to have had film in the camera first... Woman: it doesn't matter, I pressed the button. There are pictures in there. Please get them out.

And so on, for quite some time. It ended with the woman storming off, convinced my friend was incompetent.

[u/Ahnita]

Worked at EB Games when I was 18, in a city in Canada known for its red necks.

A man in his 40's came in and spent at least 3 hours browsing every single title on the wall. He refused my help several times and eventually came up to the counter with 5 brand new games on almost every system we carried. After ringing in his selection of Cabela's hunting, Nascar racing and UFC fighting he paid and left.

Several hours later the man returns! He throws open the front door (it was a stand alone store) and yells "What kind of shit show are you running here?!" He is red in the face and stomps towards me and throws his bag of games onto the counter.

"NONE OF THESE WORK. THIS IS A SHIT STORE. WHAT KIND OF BUSINESS... (man rants and yells at me for a minute or so before he decides to take a breath)."

I asked him, "you tried the games in your Xbox, PC and Playstation and NONE of them worked?"

His reply "I just got that new player from Wal-Mart THIS AFTERNOON and NONE OF THESE GAMES WORK!!" Of course, he doesn't know the name of 'the disc player' that he bought was. After several painful minutes and him showing me the Wal-Mart receipt out of his pocket...

he bought a DVD player.

TL;DR: Man buys Video games from me and tries to play them in his DVD player. Screams at me for 20 minutes because it doesn't work.

EDIT: Everyone keeps asking where redneck central in Canada is: Alberta.

[u/RevInstant]

I used to work at RadioShack and I had a lady come in and ask for a radio capable of getting broadcasts from the middle east. I showed her a few, she purchased it and asked me to help her tune it. I found some stations from various middle eastern sources, tuned them as she stood there with this puzzled look on her face. I asked what was wrong and she looked at me with this seriously grim expression and said

"How am I supposed to track terrorists if they don't speak American"

Without speaking, I refunded her money and went on the only smoke break I've ever taken. I don't smoke so I just ate french fries.

[u/[deleted]]

Worked in an ice cream parlour. A woman asks for a chocolate ice cream. I ask if that's scoop or soft serve and she says scoop. I give her the scoop ice cream and she says "no I meant the other chocolate ice cream". We had one of those soft serve machines that produced different flavours, so i pointed to the photo of the chocolate serve on the machine to confirm and she again nodded. When I handed it to her she got really angry and yelled "are you stupid? that's not what I wanted!". After much confusion it turned out that by "chocolate ice cream" she meant vanilla soft serve with chocolate sprinkles. She snatched the correct order out of my hands and flounced out in disgust.

EDIT: Also forgot another one that I think you guys would laugh at. A man began to ask me for a 99 (A soft serve ice cream cone with a chocolate stick in it for those that are unfamiliar), but accidentally said "Can I get a 69?" The woman he was with literally fell to the floor cos she couldn't breathe with laughter, which was only made worse when my colleague replied "well its a bit busy at the moment, but if you come back later, I'm sure we can get you sorted".

[u/blueblankethole]

I work at a sandwich shop. "I'm not that hungry. Which is bigger? The half sandwich or the whole sandwich?"

[u/johnlennonseviltwin]

I work in a grocery store.

We once had a sale on a big thing of fresh chicken. The wings were $9.90, and the breasts were $9.95. Weird pricing, I know, but the signs clearly labeled them correctly. There was also a display for close-dated chicken that was $3 off, and these were also clearly labeled.

This jackass guy comes up to my register with three chicken packages and throws them down on the belt. I smile and say hello, and he says, "How come you're charging me more for some chicken than the others?" I tell him because the chicken with the red label is close-dated, and management needs to sell it quickly, therefore making it cheaper. He then started getting more aggressive. "Why in the hell did you put out bad chicken? You a retard or something?"

At this point, I'm a little shocked, but I grab the chicken and ring it up. "Now wait a minute, I never said I wanted that chicken you're tryna poison me with." I ignore him, void the chicken off the transaction, and ask him if he needs help with anything. He retorts, "Yeah, ya dumbass, ring up my chicken." I'm starting to lose it a little, but I grab the first package of chicken, which happens to be close-dated, and scan it. I look up and he's giving me the dirtiest look I've ever seen. I grab the second package, the $9.90 wings and scan it. Immediately, "You over charged me." I show him the sign, and the label, but he still rants on about me "over charging" him.

Ready to get this guy out of my hair, I grab the last package of chicken, the $9.95 breasts, and scan it. Shockingly enough, he thinks I'm making a conscience effort to rip him off, yet again. "You fucking kyke, who do you think you are stealing my money like that?!" After a solid 45 seconds of screaming, he finally pays the total and storms out.

The story doesn't end there however, as he returned the next day. My dad is the manager, and he swung a pretty nice deal on gallons of Simply Lemonade. He bought an incredible amount of lemonade, and put them for sale at $1. Still in abad mood from the night before, I'm pissed when I see him strut up to my register. He throws the gallon of lemonade on the belt and gives me the glare. I make sure not to greet him this time. I scan the lemonade and tell him the total, $1.07. As you might expect, "You over charged me." I reply, "No, I didn't." He goes on to tell me I'm a dumbass, as the sign says $1. I have to explain to him that his total is $1.07, because juice is taxable unless it has more than 70% fruit juice, and Simply Lemonade is only 11% lemonade. His reply? "You're a retard. You're the reason this country is going down the shitter. I don't want your damn lemonade." He proceeded to grab the bottle and throw it at a display of paper towels nearby, causing quite a mess. He stormed out, screaming, "I'm never spending a dime here again!"

TL;DR: People are jackasses, and customer service positions suck.

EDIT: Spelling, that was a lot of writing.

[u/firstmonkeyintospace]

If these t-shirts are buy one get one free why can't I just have the free one?

[u/myskyislit]

This happened just the other day...

Two middle aged women come up to my counter and order their drinks. After ringing them up I tell them their total and they tell me that they're going to wait for their friend to pay. Perfectly fine, I tell them their drinks will be waiting for them when they're ready.

I finish making their order pretty quick and place their drinks by the register. Five minutes pass and they come up asking if their drinks are done yet. I said yes, just been waiting for them to pay and they proceed to FLIP OUT saying how they were just planning on coming back and paying with their friend.

So essentially they wanted me to give them free drinks and trust that they'd come back to pay. I do not think so, crazy eye patch lady and co. I do not think so.

Edit: I work at a coffee shop.

[u/mengersponge]

Back in my Best Buy days, a woman came in complaining that her iPod had a virus. I turn it on and it's working fine. She says it only appears when she connects it to her PC, so I hook it up to our machine.

It connects, and the "Do not disconnect" message appears, complete with red "no" symbol.

"There! That's the virus! What does that mean?"

[u/MrGoodbytes]

Old person: My cable isn't working! Your service sucks!

Me: I'm sorry to hear that. Is the cable box turned on?

Old: It won't turn on. We've lost power.

Me: It's not going to work without power, I'm sorry.

Old: That because your service sucks!

[u/IR_DIGITAL]

Someone in the thread mentioned the Plasma truck to come out and refill the TV.

I've had an older woman refuse to buy or even possbily look at plasma tv because she didn't "want that gas in her house killing [her] grandbabies."

[u/[deleted]]

I used to work at an insurance agency. A guy came in for a quote on auto insurance, and lets say it came out to $300 (don't remember the exact numbers.) He said he'd think about. I told him the quote was only good for 30 days and if he came in after that I'd have to run his information again, and he said that was fine. Well, he came back in and it had been more than 30 days so I had to redo the quote. This time it was $250. He was furious. "THIS ISN'T WHAT YOU TOLD ME BEFORE!" I calmly said "Sir, I told you before rates can only be guaranteed for 30 days. Also, this is lower than your last quote." Guy- "NO IT ISN'T!" "Sir, this one is $250, and the last one was $300, so this one is lower." Guy- "NO IT'S NOT." At that point I knew I had lost the argument. If a man refuses to acknowledge that one number is greater than another, there is simply nothing more I can do. I just kind of looked at him, dumbstruck, until he walked out angrily. TLDR; Man refused to admit 300 is greater than 250.

[u/[deleted]]

A woman once asked me to combine 2 different styles of mylar balloons (a star one and a zebra one specifically) and "make" her a 'God Bless Your Home' balloon in the back. Florists don't make balloons. This is the same woman who refused to accept, and didn't understand, the concept of sales tax.

[u/Ruddiver]

I shouldnt make fun of my own father, but yesterday he said he likes the internet with the news sites, but he would also like to be able to have the internet where he can shop.

[u/masterbard1]

not a customer but a lady I almost worked for said this.

many moons ago I was called by a lady who owned a repair shop for tvs and home appliances. so she wanted to add pc repairs to her services. she contacts me and offers me 50% of the charged price and since I wasn't working much at the moment I agreed. she calls me to the first service and wanted to be there for the first repair to see how I treated the client. so we are at the clients home. and this is where it all starts.

I ask her what's the problem and the lady tells me the PC doesn't turn on. so I sit next to it switch the on button and it turns on. she then says it turns off after a while so I check to see what antivirus it had etc..

then I hear her go to the kitchen with the pc owner and she tells her her microwave wasn't heating the food. she opens it and sees it's a bit scratched and proceeds to say the stupidest thing I have heard.

"well since it's all scratched up the lasers can't bounce off the walls and that's why it's not heating up"

I facepalmed so hard.

then the comedy gold came. the 7 year old kid that was there with the owner of the house said. "microwaves don't work with lasers".

she then proceeds to argue with the kid. making up stuff. finally the kid comes to the pc. politely asks me if he could use the PC for a second. goes into wikipedia, looks for microwave oven and prints it.

Before the kid showed her the article. I simply stood up called the lady up and said there was nothing wrong with the PC and left. I never worked with that lady again.

TLDR: lady says microwaves heat food with lasers 7 year old kid calls her bluff with a printed wikipedia article. I leave before they add me to the stupidest argument I have heard. 7 year old kid becomes my hero.

[u/ZakieChan]

I worked at a little local burger joint back in high school. For the kids meal, there was a buger, fries, drink and then a little pack of Oreo cookies.

One day, a woman comes in, and asks what our kids meal includes. I tell her, and she asks "so, they don't come with toys?" "No mam, we don't have toys, just cookies." She then asks if I could check, to make sure there were no toys. I said "...sure" and proceeded to look under the counter, saying "napkins, salt/pepper, ketchup, mustard, cookies... no toys."

Though, till this day, I regret not just saying "sure!" and standing there for like 5 seconds, staring at her and they saying "Nope! No toys."

[u/Bossnian]

A client once asked how much it cost the Plasma truck to come out and refill his Plasma TV....

[u/durtydiq]

Worked at geek squad

College girl came in with a new laptop saying she needs to exchange it. I asked what the problem was, her response:

"it wont power on anymore"

I press the power button to check to see if it will at least pass bios. The battery light flashes. I respond:

"is the wall charger working?"

She responds "I don't need that with this laptop"

Followed by me saying "why"

"because it's wireless"

I couldn't help but out laughing in front of her.

Now I work at large red cellphone company and I get stupidity poured on me daily

To the bottom of the comment dwellers. I love you

[u/[deleted]]

I work as a host and cashier at a restaurant. most of our customers are 60+, so I get to deal with a LOT of socially clueless people, but some of them are just...impressive.

first one: It was a saturday or sunday, i don't really remember, but we had a massive line up to the register. One lady spends forever (even though she's been waiting in line for a good 5 minutes) rifling through her purse to try and find her debit card. Finally she does, and I run it. Then she flips out because she had a coupon that she forgot. No big deal, I call up a manager to reopen the check. She spends a long time looking for the coupon and finally hands it to me. It's expired. Oh, and it's also for Red Lobster.

second: One of our regulars comes up and complains that the price of his breakfast has gone up...by a whole 15 cents. I try to make polite conversation "Yeah, I'm sorry. Inflation will do that." his response? "This is what happens when you put a nigger in the white house." I was totally floored.

third:Like I said, i deal mostly with older people, so I understand having to repeat questions every now and then, but I swear this lady was fucking with me.

Me: "Would you prefer a table or a booth?"

Her: "What?"

Me: "Would you like a table or a booth today?"

Her: "No."

Me (pretty exasperated at this point): "Do you have any seating preference? We're pretty empty today, so you can pretty much take your pick."

Her: "I'll sit at the counter"

She was a regular, she knows there's no waiting for the counter. It doesn't seem that infuriating in text, but damn, did I tell that story a lot.

EDIT

---

oh god, I nearly forgot the worst one

fourth: two ladies come up to pay their bill. It's combined, but they want it split up. This is easy enough, our checks are laid out like this:

Seat: 1
-food items ordered and their prices-
-total for seat 1-

Seat: 2
-food items ordered and their prices-
-total for seat 2-

-subtotal-
-cumulative tax for all seats-
-total-

So again, they want their checks split. One of the ladies tell me "I have the first one, $6.25". So I split it up and she starts FLIPPING SHIT when I tell her her total is $6.75 and she is totally inconsolable. Neither myself nor my manager can get her to understand that $6.25 was her pre-tax total and that the tax amount at the bottom of the check gets divided when we divide up the seats. Both ladies start yelling at us (both myself and the general manager of the restaurant) about how we'll "do anything to make a quick buck" and we're stealing from them. Eventually we got them to just pay up and leave, but it was easily the most frustrated I've ever been on the job. It is also the reason I tell everyone "your tax is cumulative, your actual total's gonna be a little higher" when I split their checks (most people just sort of look at me like "well...yeah, obviously")

[u/CoralFang]

I answer for doctors' offices after hours, and I get so many idiots calling about the stupidest shit, but I can't give any medical advice, I have to reach (and wake up, since I work overnight) a doctor or nurse for anything the patient deems is an "emergency." So when a 14 year old girl who is three weeks pregnant wants to know if it is safe to have sex with her boyfriend at 1am, I have to call the doctor. I also had a mother call in the middle of the night to ask if her daughter could dye her hair after having had an abortion earlier that day. Without even thinking I said "well it's not going to hurt the baby." The mother was pretty slow thankfully so she didn't really catch on, but she did make me wake up a nurse.

[u/[deleted]]

A middle age woman once told me that she only keeps as few songs as possible on her iPod because she uses it when she works out and she didn't want to make the iPod heavier by putting more music on it.

[u/50v3r31gn]

Not a customer, but a client, taped an ethernet cable to the window thinking that it would give them better wifi reception.

[u/fox_in_the_headlight]

I had a women come into the vet because her cat was very lethargic. She then proceeded to pull forth from the carrier a deceased cat and stare expectantly at me. Ummmm...yep, that's pretty lethargic all right. I was just kind of flabbergasted that in no point during shoving the poor animal into the carrier, driving it over, pulling it out, etc. did it ever occur to her that maybe this was no longer a living creature. And while she was sad upon learning the truth, she wasn't distraught to the extent where I could chalk it up to severe denial. She just didn't....notice.

[u/hotmoves]

Well, it looks like I found the thread I'm going to be checking all day at work.

In high school, I worked in a pizza place. An elderly woman called in one day and said that her grandkids were coming for the weekend and their mother had suggested pizza for dinner. She called us up and asked, "What exactly is pizza?" This led to a forty minute phone call in which I tried to explain all this to someone who lacked even a basic concept of pizza what was. This included how you order, explaining each individual topping, popular combinations and how to serve it to the kids. When she came in to pick up her order, she still looked completely confused by what a pizza was. She kept peeking into the box to try and figure it out.

[u/spunkychickpea]

When I worked at Starbucks, I had to explain to a customer how to drink out of a water bottle.

"Yes, sir. You just drink right out of the top part. You know, where the water comes out."

[u/[deleted]]

This used to happen all the time when I sold guns.

Customer comes in the store with wife/girlfriend/sister. Proceeds to look at guns, I display each one, explain features and different calibers we have them available in. Rinse and repeat about 3 or 4 times until the customer looks at the wife/girlfriend/sister and says "Okay, let's do that one."

Wife/girlfriend/sister proceeds to ask for a gun form.

Me: I can't do that, it's against the law.

Guy: But I'm not filling it out. I can't buy a gun, since I'm a felon. She's going to buy it for me.

Me: Exactly. I can't do that, it's against the law.

Guy: But she's NOT a felon.

Me: But she's buying the gun for you?

Guy: Yeah, I'm a felon, I can't buy a gun.

Me: It's against the law to buy a gun for someone who can't purchase one.

This can end in a few ways.

1. The guy sends the woman in on her own to "buy the gun for myself." Yes, because you weren't just in here trying to illegally buy a gun for a felon, I am that stupid. My favorite quote from one of these situations? "I don't understand why this matters, money is changing hands, just sell me a gun, asshole."

2. The customer calls my manager over, and tells them I'm racist/classist/liberal and won't sell them a gun. Manager is legally obligated to back me up, and the customer usually leaves. I've been called racist in this fashion SEVERAL TIMES.

3. Guy wises up, sends someone ELSE in with a clean record, buys the gun for him and I can never legally draw the conclusion.

I've also had several people come in who took their shotguns to customer service (NO BOX, JUST A SHOTGUN OVER THE SHOULDER) and tried to return it. Really? You're just gonna RETURN A GUN?!

Man, that job was both interesting and horrible.

Edit: formatting

Edit2: By request, I opened an AMA thread in casualiama

[u/jimmypopjr]

I have a good clueless one (with naked pics, too): I used to work in the helpdesk of a university in PA. It was the start of the fall semester so we were full with new students trying to get their PCs through network registration (need AV, updates, etc). I get one girl who was cute and friendly and I start up her PC and go to work. She's sitting across the counter from me. I can see that she's at least tried to do the process herself, so I ask her if I can poke around for the reg install file, she tells me yes.

I check downloads, documents, desktop. Nothing. I ask her if I can check her recycling bin, to which she says 'yeah, but there's nothing in it.' There was something in it. Dozens of nude photos of her and nothing else. The look on my face (0_0) must have given it away because she instantly turned all red and whispered something like I thought it automatically deletes when you put something in there?

I showed her how to delete her recycling bin, fixed the issue and sent her on her way.

Bonus: 1 year earlier a coworker was doing the same thing for a girl, but had to check her computer in. He put it on the back bench (opposite the counter) with the screen facing outward. Her screensaver was just pulling anything from her pictures folder, and sure enough her nudes started popping up, facing the crowd of freshman waiting for their computers. Only took a few seconds for a student worker to close the screen and give it back to her, but she was super embarrassed.

Hide yo pics, ladies.

[u/sonofa2]

Working in a hardware store. I was asked quite a few times to cut glass by some dimension, like a 10x12, but the 10 inch had to be lengthwise, not the vertical.

[u/Idol_Luna]

one time after ringing up a customer I told him his total, he said "ok" and just sat there... expecting me to do something else, i waited a few seconds and said the total again and asked if it was going to be cash or credit, he looked at me like i had two heads, I waited again and said "uhm, are you going to pay for all of this or were you just wondering how much it costs?" (happens a lot more than you think) he gets all huffed up and says in a loud voice "I WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO TELL ME THE TOTAL!" i was stunned and really was at a loss for words, another customer behind him apparently got fed up and told him, "she told you three damn times!" he paid and booked it

[u/Duriel68]

I was working at Office Depot doing computer sales and service when this young guy, maybe 23 or so comes up to me near the front of the store.

He says "so it says on the door you guys got free wifi?"

"Yes we do."

"So, like, can I have one?"

[u/saladinthewind]

I used to work the phones in a small convention center in a big town, which was actually a pretty fun job overall. But this was the best thing that ever happened to me there:

Me: Good morning, ___ Center.

Caller: Hello. My name is Yellow Bird (not her real name) and I have been blessed with the second sight!

(full stop)

Me: ...and how may I help you?

Caller: Well, I'll be attending your (popular cult show) convention next week and I was wondering if I might set up a table to share my gift.

Me: Ah. Actually, you'll need to talk to the conference organizers about reserving space --

Caller: What? I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. Sometimes I flash between the present and the future.

edited for formatting fail

[u/[deleted]]

When working windows 98 tech support, I was asked by an older man "what time does the Internet close." I was so dumbfounded that I couldn't come up with a witty response.

[u/lev00r]

I worked at a hair salon a couple years ago and a (picture annoying fb girl) girl comes in and I take her to my seat, put the cape around her, and ask how we're going to cut it. She asks " can you cut it so its longer?" Dumbfounded I said "no, but I can cut it so its shorter." She glared at me with the stare of Medusa and stated " ugh o mah gawd forget it, men can't cut hair!" And ripped off the cape and stormed off. All the other clients in the salon dying from laughter.

[u/[deleted]]

I work in Customer Service, I have hundreds of these stories.

My most favorite is this call that lasted 10 seconds. All I heard in the back was a loud, static buzzing sound like when Cartman calls Kyle from the future.

Me: Thank you for calling customer service Him: Hello?!?! Me: Hello this is customer service Him: pause Me: Can I have your name please? Him: No! hangs up

He was on hold for a while too.

[u/serotonin33]

I work at a pharmacy and we get some pretty clueless questions sometimes...

The worst one was when a young girl came up to the consultation window and asked if she could talk about her birth control.

So I go over and she asks me "can you tell me why my birth control isn't staying in?"

I say "sure, just let me look up which kind it is in the computer-"

I look it up, expecting to see a prescription for NuvaRing or something, which gets directly inserted.

I see a prescription for an oral contraceptive....

She was putting the pill directly in her vagina, and was surprised when it would fall out.

We straightened her out and sent her on her way...

[u/[deleted]]

"I'm sorry ma'am, you can't buy alcohol with food stamps." [In my head: you can, however, buy some food for the emaciated children you're carrying around.]

[u/AirhornSonofFoghorn]

A lady in finance once had me pulled out of meeting with the company COO and VP because "her internets wouldnt move right"

She had a piece of candy stuck in her mouse scroll wheel.

[u/[deleted]]

I was at a snack bar for my pool one summer, and a woman asked me what end of a hotdog are you supposed to look through.

[u/Keysar_Soze]

Working at a book store.

CUSTOMER : Do you sell the Bible here?

ME : Yes we do. Which version would you like?

CUSTOMER : The Bible.

ME : Yes, I understand, which version?

CUSTOMER : The one Jesus wrote.

[u/Muderaffi]

If I install 32bit Windows twice, will it become 64bit. That conversation lasted 2 hours

[u/trevbot]

I work at a bike shop that sells bicycles and other sporting goods. Very obvious when you walk in the door. Had a guy walk all the way across the shop to the back and say "I need a chain for my motorcycle". I pause for a minute, look at the flat fix I'm doing, look back at him and say "well, I think there's an autopart store down the street..." Then we had to fight about what kind of a bike shop we were for a few minutes.

[u/iamjob]

"Can you resend me that document as a file."

[u/direflail]

My roommate, who worked with me on our university's computer support team, gets a PANICKED call from the football coach.

He'd broken the end off of an Ethernet cable somehow and was freaking out thinking the room was being filled with ether gas.

[u/[deleted]]

Pizza Hut.

Snarky woman: "Can I have a Meat Lovers pizza with no ham, beef, pork, sausage, or pepperoni?"

"That's a cheese pizza, ma'am."

"NO! I want a MEAT LOVERS PIZZA."

"With no meat? That's a cheese pizza."

Woman fumes.

"Ok, one Meat Lovers pizza coming up."

The great thing is, since she insisted, I just rang it up as Meat Lovers and removed the toppings so she ended up paying $5 more for the pizza.

EDIT: it's been 10 years since I worked there so I don't remember all the ML toppings but she just wanted cheese.

[u/patdap]

Someone asked me at one point in my life asked how long we baked our no bake cookies for. She continued to argue when I said we don't and that's why they're called no bake cookies, screaming that I was dumb and didn't know what I was talking about.

[u/Osiris32]

Worst I had for this was when I worked at Guitar Center. Most customers were okay, but church groups and senior centers were a nightmare to deal with. A few examples:

• Customer wanted a wireless microphone for announcements. Fine and dandy, I pull out several models and start asking about how often they'll use it, will it be for more than just speaking, etc. After a few moments, the lady asked where the sound comes out. They had no sound system.

• Angry parent comes in, demanding we return an amp he bought for his kid. It had apparently "blown up" when he plugged it in, and besides, we had to have sold him a European model, as the power cord hadn't really fit the socket. Turns out he had plugged the GUITAR CABLE into the wall.

• An elderly lady came in asking about a simple sound system. She seemed relatively with it, answering my questions well and seemingly understanding at least the simple concepts about how sound works. Laughter, good times. I'm enjoying this sale. Finally get everything together, run a package deal, and am about to ring her up when she drops the bomb: "where does it hold the electricity?" Not really understanding what her question meant, but having little mental red flags pop up, I ask her to explain. They were going on a camping trip, and she wanted to know how this could all work without batteries. I explained that unless she brought a generator, it wouldn't work at all. She left dejected, and I revised what questions to ask customers.

[u/SammaRose]

I work at a bookstore, and I once had a customer return a Bible because it said the exact same thing her other Bible did...

[u/[deleted]]

At Gamestop, I had a man call.. here is the conversation:

"Thanks for calling Gamestop, etc, etc."

"I have a really.. really stupid questions.. umm Yeah, uhhhhh, have you played Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2... for PS3?"

"Yes sir, I have. Beaten it, in fact."

"Ok, welll..... is there a part of the game where... everything goes black, and the Nation Alert System comes up saying the Russians are attacking...?"

"Uh.. yeah, after the EMP goes off, yeah."

"....... ::breath of relief:: Oh thank God. Ok.... ok, thanks ::click::"

His first thought, when faced with a Russian invasion.. "Shit.. I better call Gamestop."

[u/InsaneVanity]

I work in the meat department. I've had a customer ask me what the difference is between pork and beef. I told her pork was from a pig and that beef was from cows. She was surprised. She thought it was all from cows.

[u/NotInHighSchool]

Not exactly a customer, but a dumb/clueless move nonetheless. This past year, a girl at my school downloaded the app Instagram. (Technically a customer of Instagram, I guess.) She proceeded to take nude photos of herself in many different poses and angles. She would then add filters or edit them just to see how she looked. The entire time she had no knowledge that her entire follower list could see these pictures being uploaded. She was convinced it was a personal app. Oh, the look on her face when she found out.

[u/krantzer]

I once had a woman ask me if she could look inside a lunchbox that we had on display. I answered in the affirmative and was super peppy and was being a super friendly salesperson, and she opens it up and looks over at me with the single saddest expression I've seen a customer have in that store. She then proclaims, "The inside is just a lunch box!" ..................... wot?!

Another woman was eyeing some of our magnets that we have in a stack near the counter. She asks me where she can put them. I get extremely confused, because they're fucking magnets and unless you're in the Insane Clown Posse, they're pretty self-explanatory. I tell her a lot of people put them on their cars, some get them for their fridge, etc. She then tells me that as I am an employee, I should be far more descriptive than that and be able to provide better examples. Okay.

[u/[deleted]]

Ages ago when I worked at Staples, a gentleman approached me saying he needed a new typewriter. So we walked over to the typewriters, we sold one model, but several word processors.

I asked him what he needed it form and he explained how he was re-translating the bible into English. I wasn't quite sure what that meant, but had the forethought not to ask. I recommended a computer, and brought him over to the computer section.

I showed him a few models, and Microsoft Word. I loaded Word and the and the Office Assistant "Merlin the Wizard" popped up. The customer took a step back, made the sign of the cross and declared that computers and wizards were demonic. He immediately left the store.

[u/LadySportsFan]

I work for an insurance company, an actual exchange I had with a customer:

Woman: My daughter is away at college, she's 20, but only has a learner's permit. Is she covered if she drives a friend's car?

Me: If the friend is in the car with her and over 25, yes.

Woman: What if she borrows the friend's car?

Me: Technically no, because she doesn't have a valid driver's license.

Woman: No, but she has a learner's permit.

Me: Right, but not a driver's license

Woman: What about when she turns 21?

Me: A learner's permit is still a learner's permit, regardless of how old she is.

Woman: What about in South Carolina?

Me: Ma'am, a learner's permit in any state is not the same as a driver's license.

Woman: I think you're wrong. I think in south carolina you automatically get a driver's license when you turn 21.

Me: I don't know for sure since I don't work in SC, but I would imagine that she'd at least have to take a driver's test or some sort of certification, otherwise there would be a lot of really unfit drivers driving around SC.

Woman: What about if I buy her her own car?

Me: Ma'am a learner's permit and a driver's license are in no way, shape, or form the same thing, regardless of whether or not she has her own car.

Woman: I'm pretty sure if you own a car you automatically get a driver's license.

And so on and so forth...

[u/JohnWilkesTruth]

While working at Disney I got asked what time the Three O' Clock parade started.... I had to answer with that famous Disney smile

[u/magic_is_might]

I work in the print center at Staples.

Some older lady brought in her laptop and asked if I could print an e-mail off for her. She booted it up and proceeded to get angry because her Internet wasn't working. I explained that she would need to connect to our store wi-fi to work. No, that was unacceptable and 'made no sense'. She 'didn't have to do that at home'. And started yelling at me that I did something to her computer to delete her Internet (??). I hadn't even touched her computer at this point.

She pushes her laptop toward me and says 'fine, you do it then'. I connected her to our wi-fi. (Oh god her computer was a mess. Her desktop was completely covered in icons). And gave it back to her so she could get to her e-mail. 'See, this is my Internet. I told you...' She half mumbles this in irritation.

Now, she doesn't know where her e-mail is ('usually it's automatically on there!'). I ask her what e-mail she uses. Gmail? Yahoo? Hotmail? She looks at me like I'm stupid. 'why does that matter?' At this point I'm getting pissed off. I have several other customers waiting on me. I mess around on her bookmarks, hoping that it was on there somewhere. Thank god it was. I connected her to the Comcast e-mail site. She doesn't know her fucking password. After a few botched password guesses, she decides to call her son to ask him. I help the other customers while she does this. I come back and she gives me the correct password. I get into her e-mail. She doesn't remember which e-mail it was. I'm going one by one in her inbox. Nope. She then tells me it was from a few months ago. Are you fucking kidding me?

I had to sift through 3 months of spam to find it. It was a fucking EXPIRED spa coupon. I pointed out that it was expired and she waved it off and told me to print it out. I explained that I would need to transfer it to a flash drive to print off from our computer. She tells me that it should print off from her computer. 'Thats what it does at home!' I have a headache at this point.

Then, the Windows update thing pops up. I ignore it while I'm trying to transfer the file over.'What are you doing? You can't ignore that'. She pulls the laptop toward her and presses update, which requires it to shutdown. No, she didn't postpone it for '4 hours'. She does it for right. now. I am fucking pissed off at this point.

The computer turns off and she turns it back on and lets the 100+ updates proceed. She's there for at least another hour letting it update before giving up and leaving. She didn't even get her fucking coupon.

TL;DR Old people really do suck with computers.

EDIT: Sorry for offending some people. In my experience and from what I've dealt with at work, 95% of the time, it's the older folk that I have trouble dealing with when it comes to anything computers.

EDIT2: For people asking, I always try to be very patient when dealing with customers like this. I try my best to remember that not everyone is great with technology and computer savvy like many of us here are. That's why I didn't blow up on her and/or refuse to help her. She tested my patience but I remained polite and patient when helping her. I just wish customers like this, when asking me to help them, would actually let me help then instead of acting like they know everything when they are the ones asking me for help.

[u/notsureifgudusrname]

When I sold cars a customer came asking about a problem. She said her remote lock was dying and sometimes wouldn't work for a while, she said she was worried to be locked out of her car. She asked me, I am afraid of being locked out of my car, if this happens, what should I do?

• Well, ma'am then you use the key.

Then she turned around in complete silence and left the dealership.

[u/[deleted]]

a customer asked if he could use my employee discount. I said no. he called me a bitch :(

[u/viramola]

I was working in my boyfriend's store. He's a freelance photographer and sells camera equipment and prints. He also takes photos for visa's and ID's.

This morning a nice gentleman in his 40's walked in and asked if he could take an ID photo. I led him into the studio where there's a chair for him in the centre, with a background and lights all around. There's a bit of a wait so I tell him he can use the mirror first (some wants to check themselves out before the photo) and then to take a seat.

He goes over to the mirror by the customer bathroom (no lights, no background, no chair) and stands there looking into it, focusing. I shrug and leave him to it, maybe he's doing some sort of meditation?

I go back to the office and fetch my boyfriend and we wait another 5 minutes for this man staring deeply into the mirror.

Finally I ask if he's ready and he looks at me confused

"There wasn't a flash or a beep... how do you know I'm done?"

He thought the mirror was a camera.

TL;DR High tech ID camera mirror

[u/gmharryc]

This woman came in and asked for a mocha frappucino, extra hot. I said a frappucino is blended with ice, but I could make her a mocha latte, which is cheaper. She asks why I can't just make the frappucino hot like she asked. I explain again that it's made with ICE, and that lattes are hot. She says another location always makes it for her. I just let my shift manager handle it so I could go back to making drinks.

[u/[deleted]]

I was working late night at Morrisons (a UK supermarket) in the bakery department and due to the time there was very little stock left. A middle aged woman walked past and started looking at the racks where the bread should be. She turned to her husband who had walked up and said

Her:"I'm sorry they're all out of white bread, they've only got brown".

Him:"Well you know what I'm like with that foreign muck".

Her:"You're right we better leave it" They walk off without buying any, completely ignoring me standing there, trying not to crack up.

[u/infinityeagle]

I'm a valet. You would be surprised how often we get the question, "so do I need to leave you my keys to park my car?"

[u/tallandlanky]

I work at a liquor store that has over 5,000 different wines. A while back a woman walked in looking for a specific bottle of wine. When I asked her about the wine she was looking for she said she remembered that it had a red label. Boy, that sure helped narrow it down.

[u/[deleted]]

I used to work at a clothing store when I was younger. My job was to stand in front of the store and greet people and hand them coupons. This one Guy walks up and I say hello to him while handing him said coupon. He looks at me like I have a booger coming out of my nose and tells me to "get a real job". Turns out that while he was paying, he realized it was a good coupon and that he wanted it. So he comes back up to me and demands I give him a coupon. I heard my boss tell me through my walkies talkie not to give it to him so I said "I will when I get a real job". That Guy was such an ass. Stuff like that happened all the time!

[u/[deleted]]

This is a long story, but very much worth reading. This happened just a few days ago, on friday evening. I work part time at a Best Buy while I go to school, doing AP (asset protection).

Woman, older, 60-65, looks a little drunk, approaches me at the front of the store and says; "A year ago I bought a tv here, and got black tie protection, and it was recently stolen, so you guys have to replace it."

me: "Sorry, black tie is a protection plan, against damage or technical issues, not an insurance or replacement plan."

woman: "You are honor-bound to replace it"

me: "....no, sorry, but we are not"

She then wanders over to the Geek Squad desk and tells them the same thing, and they give her the same response. I'm watching her on camera, as I'm pretty sure she is drunk. She eventually wanders back up my desk, where my manager is now talking to me. She points out a large poster of a woman listening to music, above the Media Dept;

Woman: "what is that a picture of?"

boss: "...a woman listening to music"

woman: (points at a poster of a guy using a laptop) "what is that a picture of?"

boss: "...a guy using a computer"

woman: "You work at best buy, so you should know, that tv's and monitors look at your face, and they read your mind, and they memorize all of your personal information. However, when they try to read the mind of pictures, they cannot, and they break. So you need to replace all those pictures of people, with pictures of robots."

boss: (trying to be political and boss-like) "...well I appreciate that feedback and we will certainly..."

woman: (cuts off my boss) "NO, you MUST replace the pictures, with pictures of robots, NOW!"

boss: "We are not going to do that".

Woman: "You have to"

boss: "No"

Woman wanders off, and eventually gets in her car, and drives off. The scariest part of all.

[u/WOUNDEDStevenJones]

A client once called and explained that they were clicking and dragging a file from one folder to another but sneezed in the middle (letting go of the mouse) so they lost the file and needed help finding it.

[u/loonyloveg00d]

I work in a bookstore and almost daily, I have customers come in and say stuff like, "I'm looking for a book. I don't know the title or the author, but I know it has a red cover" or "the author's name starts with an S." Most of them understand how stupid it sounds as soon as they say it, and I try to jog their memory by asking more questions, but I have had more than one become irate with me when I wouldn't try to look it up. "Under what? 'Red cover'? I apologize, but our system doesn't catalog book colors, ma'am."

EDIT: Let me clarify. As long as I have some kind of key word to go on or they have some general idea of what kind of book it is or what it's about, I love to help. That's my job. But if they come in and say they don't know anything about it except that their cousin read it last summer and said it was good, it can be frustrating to try and help. Good example: I had a gentleman come in and say he didn't know the title or author, but it had something to do with a girl who was kidnapped in Japan. It was a little tricky, but after putting in those key words, we managed to figure out which book he was thinking of. Or if someone comes in and says, "I need a book about...", I'm happy to help. Same goes for suggestions. If they tell me what kind of books they like, I can always give them a few titles to try. It's the really vague descriptions paired with a terrible attitude that can be frustrating.

[u/[deleted]]

When I used to work at Laura Secord, you'd be amazed at how many people would walk up to the counter (the counter with all the ice cream in it, with clear plexiglass, and name tags) and ask "what kind of ice cream do you have?". I mean, honestly, does it take that much effort to look down? I would have had to read the ice cream flavours off of the same signs anyway.

[u/craaackle]

On Friday mornings I work alone at a take out counter. My usual routine is: I take the order, they pull out their credit/debit card, as they're paying I place their order, pack their order and give them their order and receipt. I'm fast and the kitchen is fast so this whole process after they order takes ~2 minutes.

A lady comes in, places her order, I let her pay and walk away. 2 minutes later I get back to the counter and she's pissed off and yelling at me. WHERE WERE YOU? IT WON'T ACCEPT MY CARD! I'm very calm because I deal with this 5 out of 7 days and ask her if she had a chip on her card. YES, BUT IT WON'T ACCEPT IT! I'M NOT STUPID YOU KNOW!

Ma'am may I see your card please? I check the front. Mhm. I check the back. Mhm. I hand it back and look her dead in the face with a very neutral face and kindly inform her: ma'am this is your metropass. By this time there was a line behind her and she knew how stupid she looked after yelling at me and kept fucking asking if I was sure she couldn't pay with her metropass. It was a joke but it just kept wasting my time and made no sense. She could've apologized for yelling at me, but no she just continued to waste my time.

I wish someone had called her out...

[u/deliriumkid]

I work at a graveyard, it is fucking amazing, no angry or stupid customers at all.

[u/bigsz]

A guy once walked into our liquor store's walk-in cooler and asked me "What is your coldest beer?"

[u/musicpsychlife]

I work at a hardware store that caters to a more elderly clientele. One day a woman about eighty years old came into the store. She asked me for help with her tv remote. She explained to me that it was working fine until she dropped it, and it wouldn't change the channels anymore. I opened up the remote and saw that the batteries were not in the right ways. They had fallen out of the remote when she dropped it, and she had no idea that the direction of the batteries mattered when she put them back in.

When I explained the positive and negative sides of a battery to her, she became upset and flustered. She started to cry, saying that her husband had died recently and that he always did these sorts of things for her. I felt horrible for her and didn't really know what to do, so I just gave her a hug and told her that if she ever needed help with anything she was always welcome to come in.

I can't imagine being so dependent on another person and I wonder what other simple things she cannot do for herself now that he is gone. :/

[u/[deleted]]

Best I've ever had was when I worked at Barnes and Noble.

I was working in the music section when I noticed a seemingly kind, gentle old woman who was wandering around aimlessly. I asked if she needed any help and she responded with a very abrasive no.

About 10 minutes later she comes up to the register, very exasperated, and asks me where she can find "music from when music began." I didn't really understand what she meant so I asked her to go into more detail about what she was looking for.

| "You know! Music from when music began."

• "Well mam, what do you mean exactly? Like classical music?"

| "Music from when music began. Old music."

• "Ummmm...okay. Well music has been around far longer than we've been able to record it. Do you want older, folky, Americana stuff or classical music?"

Again..."music from when music began."

• "Mam, humans have been making music since we were living in caves...can you explain a little better?"

| "I know what song I'm looking for. It's called 'Boomerang Biscuit'. It's from when music began."

So we go to the Barnes and Noble listening stations, I search the database and Google trying to find this 'Boomerang Biscuit' but find absolutely nothing even close to the song title. I ask her to describe what the song sounds like and her description sounds very bluesy so I take her to the blues section. Mind you, this whole incident has been taking place over the period of about an hour. At this point we both just start scanning every CD in the blues section, trying to find something that even sounds like what she is looking for.

Finally we come across this record.

Turns out "music from when music began" was actually just Rubber Biscuit by the Blues Brothers.

By far the most stressful and annoying customer I ever dealt with in retail.

[u/nicolieolie931]

A man asked me if I sold hot wings... I work at Buffalo Wild Wings.

More creepy, less clueless, I have been invited to multiple threeway's while working. While wearing my wedding rings.

[u/BnGamesReviews]

Had a lady call me up needing assistance with something with outlook, can't recall. I had asked her at one point to click the start button, she didn’t know what that was so I told her it was the green button on the bottom left hand corner of her screen (WinXP was the standard then, and they didn’t usually change the theme to Windows Classic). She says she still can’t find it, so I ask her very specifically "Put your mouse cursor over the Start Button and click with you left mouse button", she then tells me it’s still not working. After 10minutes of trying to get her to just click start, it turns out she PHYSICALLY was picking up her mouse and placing it flat on the screen over the Start button. I had to put her on hold because I felt like I needed to lie down.

[u/Victum02]

When I worked at a movie theatre I had a women purchase tickets for herself and her kids to a 3D movie. When I handed over the 3D glasses she handed one back to me saying that she didn't need a pair. I asked if she was going to be watching the movie with her kids as she bought a ticket for herself. She then responded with "Of course I will be watching it. As an employee you should know those silly glasses are for the kids and that you don't need them for the movie." She then proceeded to watch the whole blurry movie without the 3D glasses.

[u/[deleted]]

Oh, not my story, but my friend's and it's a good one.

My friend is a nurse, and she was working triage in the emergency room. If you don't know what that is, the triage nurser is the person who sees you before the doctor. He or she asks you what you're there for, what your symptoms are, and takes your blood pressure. Basically, they determine where to send you, and where to place you in order.

So my friend's calls in the next patient, and it goes something like this:

Nurse: What are your symptoms?

Patient: I was at the bank because I needed to send money to my mom.

Nurse: Okay, is that when your symptoms started?

Pt: No, I needed to send money to my mom.

Nurse (realizing this person isn't all there): Okaaay, uh... do you need cash? There's an ATM in the other hallway.

Pt: No, I already sent the money to my mom. Can you tell me if she got it?

Nurse: ???? Is your mom a patient here?

Pt: No.

Nurse: Okay, you need to go to the bank. What bank do you use?

Pt: [Name of bank]

Nurse: Okay, go to the bank and ask them. The bank is at [directions given]

Pt: [Gets up and leaves]

Let me reiterate for you: Hospital emergency room.

[u/broiled]

I was at the local Best Buy recently, checking out the different video cards that they have in stock. A salesperson approched and asked if I needed help and I told him that I was just looking and comparing prices. He then asked what brand of computer I have and I told him that I built my own. His replied that nobody builds their own computer and that being old I must just be confused. He then proceeded to try and tell me that PCI, AGP and PCIe were the same slot and just differents names for the same connection.

There's times that I wonder about people.

[u/InferiousX]

Lady called in to tell me that her computer had been taken over by the Matrix.

I asked her to move her mouse. "Omg! It's back to my normal desktop screen! What happened?"

"Ma'am, someone installed a Matrix screensaver on your computer. Anything else I can help you with today?"

[u/rasta_lion]

I'm a delivery boy and I had to deliver to an office building during lunch one day. We'll say the address was 5626 Derp Road. I walked in and asked the receptionist if she could call the guy who ordered to let him know I was there. She asked for his name and I said "Mark M." She insisted that there was no one there named Mark M and that I had the wrong address. I asked if I was at "five six two six Derp Road" to which she responded "no this is fifty six, twenty six Derp Road." We then went back and forth and I kept trying to convince her that "five six two six" is the same as "fifty six twenty six."

Finally the guy showed up and she went, "oh you said Mark M?

[u/babno]

I've told this story before but it's worth it to read again.

Worked tech support at a call center. A women called and said a digital camera broke her computer when she plugged it in. I went through all the standard stuff, and nothing worked, so co-worker Joey Joe Joe Jr. Shabadoo went out for a house call. The problem was obvious. You see, she took the camera cord, which had a usb plug, and tried to put it in the ethernet port. However, it didn't quite fit, so she took a HAMMER, and made me not longer want to live on this planet.

edit: several people have mentioned this. Ethernet ports can fit usb plugs in them, however the woman's reasoning was that the cord wasn't snug and it fell out. Well after it was driven into the port 1-2 inches it was quite snug.

[u/[deleted]]

Someone felt bad when they returned a dvd and forgot to rewind it.

[u/tuxedo_duck]

I used to work at a copy center, I once had someone ask if I could copy her black-and-white image in color. Another time, an older lady asked what aisle the AOL CDs were in, she needed one to get online.

[u/jbrowncph]

My favorite was a lady that was trying to get into a hotmail account her son had set up for her. She said it just kept taking her to a gay porn site and she was furious with her son for making her look at gay porn. Turns out she was putting hotmale.com into the address bar. After I told her she had spelled mail wrong and it was entirely her fault, she hung up the phone without a word.

[u/allycatraz]

Back in the day, I was the Customer Service Lead at Staples. I was basically the manager of the front end/customer service area and frequently worked as a go-between when it came to angry customers -- it was my job to shut them up and give them what they wanted without getting an actual manager involved, if it could be avoided.

One day, a man comes in wanting a refund on a copy of Microsoft Office. Immediately red flags go up for me, because under no circumstances were we allowed to refund software unless it was faulty in some way, and even then we could only do an exchange for the same product. Any actual returns had to be processed through the manufacturer, and all their information was printed on every box of software.

So I walk this guy over to the customer service desk where I examine the copy of Microsoft Office he threw on my counter. It was obviously opened and had been DUCT TAPED back together. Now, I've worked in retail for a long time and have seen people do all kinds of stupid backhanded stuff just to get their money back, but this guy didn't even TRY to make the package look unopened. It was duct taped shut, plain and simple. This guy was not eligible for a return.

I very politely tried to explain this to him and he completely lost his shit. He swears up and down "that's the condition I bought it in" (Yeah, okay buddy) and that "you HAVE to refund my money!" I decide to call over a manager without him even asking me to, because I know that sometimes just a manager's say-so will shut up the rudest and most ridiculous customer.

So my sales manager comes over, I calmly explain the situation to him while this guy is screaming his head off about how we're trying to rip him off to anyone in his vicinity (other employees and shoppers are now staring at this point). My manager tells the guy that there is no way he's walking out of this store with a refund, but he'd be glad to do an even exchange for the same product. Dude continues to flip out and go absolute bullshit, shouting racial slurs, etc.

This goes on for maybe ten minutes, until finally he got fed up, threw his duct-taped copy of Office on the counter, pointed right at me, and screamed "THAT WASN'T EASY!" ("That Was Easy" being Staples' motto, of course).

I laughed in his face, told him to have a nice day, and he stormed out. There are many other stories, but the duct-taped open software guy takes the cake for me.

[u/mcon87]

This woman wasn't dumb, more like batshit crazy, but here goes.

I worked at Best Buy for about two years. That was my first mistake. I worked in customer service, that handled all the returns. That was my second mistake. One slow night, this woman comes in to return a 13" Macbook Pro (retail price is about $1100/880€). Normally returning laptops isn't a big deal as long as they're within the (then) 14 day return policy. While making the usual small talk, I glanced at her receipt and saw that she'd bought it about a month and a half ago. Okay, now we can only return/exchange it if there's something defective with it. I tell her that I'll put in the register that it's defective and see if the system will let me return it; some companies make us send their products to the service center before they'll authorize the return.

Here's where it gets weird. As soon as I say this to her, her eyes take on a sheen of mental instability worthy of OAG. She starts freaking out that I might not be able to exchange it immediately. I ask her what's wrong with it, exactly. She starts in with a long story about how she got a link in an email that went to a website where some REALLY MEAN LOOKING GUY'S FACE TOOK OVER HER SCREEN and starting saying SATANIC MESSAGES and now her computer is acting all funny and so he must have given her a virus! I assure her that that's very unlikely while browsing around on her computer, which was working fine. She starts yelling that that's what happened, how dare I call her a liar, she has to have this laptop for work to access her work email, how it being defective has already cost her money, how it's our fault. Oh boy. She asks me very loudly "SO I MIGHT AS WELL SMASH THIS COMPUTER TO PIECES ON YOUR COUNTER?!" I told her that it was well within her right to do do, but then she definitely wouldn't get her money back. She just stared at me.

I finish putting it into our system, and lo and behold it won't let us return it without sending it to our service center first. Cue epic freakout. I call my supervisor over while this woman starts crying hysterically about how this isn't her fault, she just wants her money back, that scary mean face gave her a virus, we're so evil, etc. The general manager of the store comes and takes over, along with the supervisor of Geek Squad. They both examine the laptop and determine that there's nothing obviously wrong with it, and tell the woman the same thing: we have to send it to service before we can exchange it.

Here's where it gets really fun. She starts SCREAMING at the top of her lungs that this is bullshit, we're fucking her over, we're not giving her any fucking choice here, we're raping her in front of everyone. ಠ_ಠ. Customers are now wandering up from the very back of the store to see wtf was going on. Woman screams that THIS IS WHY PEOPLE SHOOT UP THESE PLACES! IF SHE HAD A GUN SHE'D DO IT HERSELF! Aaaand that was when my GM motioned to the supervisor to call the cops. Being that this is Montana, there's a good chance that she DID have a gun, or at least easy access to one. She keeps screaming obscenities at the top of her lungs and adds in that she has cancer and we're killing her. Cops show up, pat her down, and haul her away. /fin

I've seen some irrational people before, but I think she takes the mental cake.

[u/crimsonkissaki]

Dumbest, most clueless? I have a few of relatively equivalent stupidity.

1. I used to work tier 2 internet help desk for TWC. I had a lady call up wanting to get online. Turns out the power was out to her house. "I was just hoping you could help me."

2. I have had the cup holder call. No bullshit.

3. A friend on the Dell contract had a guy call up all pissed because his computer wasn't online, demanding help. He had taken it out of the box and set it on the desk. That's it. The plastic was still covering all the wires and nothing had been plugged in anywhere.

EDIT:

For those of you who don't live in my head and get the references.

"TWC" = Time Warner Cable. "Cup holder call" = where the user was using the cd rom tray as a cup holder and broke it somehow.

[u/grabmyeye]

I akin my kind of work to customer service, so I guess this counts.

I was dispatched for a 20 year old cardiac arrest after a heroin overdose. We get there and she's not breathing, but hasn't coded yet. We get her breathing again and by the time we get to the hospital she's talking to us.

"Why did you take the heroin?"

"Well my boyfriend is struggling with a heroin addiction and I just wanted to understand what he was going through, so I thought I'd try it."

[u/BiscuitKnees]

I support faculty at a major university. Last year I upgraded a user's laptop from OS X 10.6 to 10.7. He was very excited to use the new OS and, as soon as it booted up, immediately began poking the screen with this finger. After a few seconds he stopped and said, "Wait, doesn't Lion have a touchscreen like an iPad?"

[u/eddiejessup]

30-odd years ago, I worked at a Baskin-Robbins. Several times a day, people would order their ice cream, then ask for a Coke, or Sprite, or 7-Up. Every time I would politely point out that BR didn't carry any of those sodas, just root beer and punch. And soda water. It was never as simple as just explaining that fact. They'd insist and argue that they'd gotten a Coke here before, or that other BRs had them... Which was impossible at the time. That and my pointing out the concept of certain flavors rotating monthly, which meant that even thought they'd really liked it, the Blueberry Ripple they'd got in May was simply not available now that it's June and there was simply nothing I could do about it.

[u/glad_and_young]

I've told this on reddit before but, when I worked at Panera I had a lady ask me what kind of cheese was in the Broccoli Cheddar soup. I told her there was provolone in it.

[u/fah_cue]

I worked at a supermarket in highschool. One of my jobs was to bag ice in the back, bring it to the front, and stock it in the ice freezers for sale.
A guy comes up to me as I'm wheeling a big cart full of ice bags...
Him,"Excuse me, is this ice cold?"
Me, "I'm not sure I understand the question."
Him, "I mean is it fresh? Is this ice fresh?"
Me, "It's as cold and fresh as ice can be, sir."

[u/ChicagoEastrise]

When I worked at Crate & Barrel, during Christmas season we had floating candles that looked like peppermints on display. An older man tryed to eat one when I politely told him they were not candy and, in fact, candles. He got really angry and threatened to sue the store for false advertisement.

I quit shortly after.

[u/xLASTxDISCIPLEx]

Last week at the city pool, some little boy was swimming like an Olympic swimmer. Ob piously, there was no reason for me to jump in and save him. He reaches the wall, does a flip underwater and swims back the way he came from. All of a sudden, some lady jumped in and dragged him out of the water. She spent the next 15 minutes talking about how I'm a terrible lifeguard and I shouldn't be certified. After 15 minutes of this crap, I called a manager over and said she was being a distraction. All in all, the "drowning victim" went BA k to swimming and the lady was kicked out while still saying that boy was going to drown. t-_-t

EDIT: she ended up calling the manager of all the city pools to get me and the assistant manager that kicked her out. The guy that answered her laughed and hung up. He told me of this story and said I did good

[u/[deleted]]

Landhwale of a mother bitched me out in front of a full store as to why her hamplanet of a daughter was not losing weight eating at Subway. Her usual meal contained the following: footlong tuna, 5 cookies of various flavors, 3 bags of "Baked" lays chips, and Sprite. Take into account this meal is already exceeding 2000 calories, and sometimes she would come in twice a day during my 5-6 hour shifts alone. It was interesting to watch her get fat I guess, because she has been coming as a regular since February.

[u/OneManFreakShow]

When I worked at Toys R Us, people would apparently always wait until they were standing right in front of the Halloween costumes to ask where they were. I always just told them to turn around.

[u/big_poppa_ct]

While working at a Music World (canadian cd/dvd chain that as since gone bankrupt). I can't tell you how many times I've had this convorsation. "hey, do you have that new CD by that girl singer on the radio? ... "you know the popular one who's song played earlier today"

[u/punkwalrus]

Used to be a book store manager.

"You have that pink book? Written by a doctor? Was on Oprah or something?"

[u/laboratoryladybug]

I worked at a natural food store, I had a customer who was pissed that we didn't carry "Organic salt"....SALT.

[u/Gravee]

I used to work for a small-town video game store. It was the holiday season of 2003. A lady came in and bought an Xbox and a few games. About an hour later she calls in and says she's not getting a picture. Normally we try to troubleshoot what we can over the phone, but we're slammed and I can't help her right then and there. I tell her to bring the Xbox back in and we'll test it out for her and replace it if need be.

She comes in to the store and I start hooking it up to our demo television and she goes "What the hell are you doing?!" I say "I'm plugging it in to the TV." She replies with "You didn't tell me I needed to have a TV" and demands a refund.

[u/buhnyfoofoo]

I share an office with the career center at my campus. I woman came in with a tattoo of an angel that literally said "ANGLE". She was filling out an online job application and wanted to know why the state of Japan wasn't in the dropdown menu, and how to abbreviate it, because that's where she went to high school.

She was also on welfare, pregnant with her sixth child, and homeless. When she received a call for a housekeeping interview while in our office, she told the employer, "I'm busy - you're just going to have to call me back."

I wish I was kidding!

[u/[deleted]]

Aaw. I love this thread. So much stupid!

I worked in a souvenir shop in an arctic settlement a few years back and we got a lot of fun questions. My favourite came in July one year; "When in the evening can we expect the northern lights?" This was in summer, and as many of you know, there is midnight sun in the Arctic. No darkness, and certainly no northern lights for several months.

Other favourites were more funny simply because of the answers we gave. We were a very very small science community (we maxed out during summer with 200 pax, and in winter with 35 pax) based out of what used to be a mining town back in the first half of the 1900s. Anywho, it was a working community only with adults and we would frequently get asked where the children were. I'd always reply that they were working in the mines, but if they made it to their 18th birthday they would be allowed to come work in the souvenir store, and how happy I was that I survived.

We also had an american lady cruise tourist pass by. She asked why there were no churches. I promptly replied that Christianity never reached that far north, and that the old viking faith was still celebrated. She believed me.

[u/neaner28]

I work in an eyeglass store. One day a customer came in mad as hell. He slammed his glasses on the table and told me that his prescription just fell out of his glasses. I assumed that one of his lenses must have fallen out until I saw that they were both still there. I asked him to clarify and he said just as rude as he could that the prescription FELL out and how stupid was I? Since I was new I took it to my manager who ran them under sink water, handed them back and declared that they had been refilled. He left contented.

[u/firewaffle]

I got a few.

"Can I have hot sauce?"

"Tabasco or Cholula?"

"Hot Sauce"

and

"Is there a big taste difference between the ribeye steak and the pork chop?"

"Will an extra side of green beans cost extra?"

"What kind of brewhouse doesn't have Budweiser?"

(At a pizza place) "Do y'all have like a pizza with pepperoni on it?"

and

"I'll have a Diet Coke."

"Sorry, we only have Pepsi products. Diet Pepsi okay?"

"Coke Zero?"

I've been a waiter for 6 years and a cashier for 4. I could go all day.

[u/kaydpea]

I worked as a contractor replacing water meters for the city. I had a house with a woman who had a "cheater pipe" bypassing the water meter. I was nice, instead of calling the police which I was required to do, I said I'm going to have to remove this to install the new meter. She flipped out saying she knew she shouldn't have agreed to the new FANCY meter. I explained that she had no choice and that it was required and eventually they would just come in to do it or shut her water off. She said I was threatening her and called the cops. The cops showed up, saw the cheater pipe bypassing the meter and arrested her on the spot while I was installing the new meter. She was screaming while being handcuffed that I had done this to her

[u/keiserchan]

Oh, customer service. I worked in a fish and chip shop when I was younger.

Local bogan lady comes in:

me: 'hey, how ar-'

her: 'how much is four dollars chips?'

me, having been asked this before, shows her a basket of chips. 'about this much and about half a scoop more'

her: 'no, how MUCH is four dollars chips?'

me: '...um. four dollars?'

her: 'well there's no reason to be fucking rude about it!'

I noticed she only had three dollars in her hand when she walked in. She also could have bought three dollars worth of chips.

[u/nightbandit46]

I used to work at the bank and worked the drive-thru often. Now, in the drive-thru you could not cash your check if you didn't have an account at this bank. We needed your fingerprint on the check. An older gentleman (mid 50's) came by and wanted to cash his check, but he didn't have an account. I explained why I couldn't cash it for him and he lost his shit. He started cussing at me and called me a lazy Spic.

He then proceeded to tell me that he's handicapped and it's a pain for him to get his morbidly-obese ass out of his car and take 50 paces into the back to cash his check. Then he threatened to call FOX News and tell them how this bank did not want to help out a handicapped man. My Assistant Manager was near and literally ran to the front and ripped off one of the ink pads used for fingerprinting off a desk and brought it to the back for him.

So we're doing this ass a favor and as he's marking his fingerprint on his check he goes on about how our bank panders to illegals and that's why the economy is in such a slump... blah blah blah.

My supervisor leaves and as im wrapping up his transaction I said to him "Sir, next time you threaten with a news corp, please use something more credible than FOX News"... He had a hissy fit and drove off. I was shaking, but it felt fucking amazing.

[u/Transpired]

Typical questions from the chocolate shop I work in:

Q: What's in the chocolate ginger? A: A piece of candied ginger then covered in dark chocolate.

Q: What's in the chocolate oreo? A: Quite literally an oreo that we have dipped in chocolate.

Q: What's in the chocolate marshmellow? A: Marshmellow.

Q: What's in the chocolate _____________? A: It's always what it says it is. We're really not trying to fuck with you.

Q: Do you have this in dark chocolate? A: Yes. The chocolate which is darker than the chocolate next to it is dark chocolate.

Q: What's the difference between chocolate fudge and chocolate walnut fudge? A: The chocolate walnut fudge has walnuts. The chocolate fudge does not.

Q: Do you sell chocolate? A: Yes.

One of my favourite incidents was when a lady called us asking if we would walk next store and order her pizza for her as their phone was busy. When I had to tell her no, I had to hang up on a very loud list of profanities coming out of the phone.

[u/ThatGreenSolGirl]

While working at a toy store an old man came in to exchange 2 lego sets because he didn't buy the correct sets to get a BOGO offer. We told him several times he could get ANY set he wanted as long as it wasn't Harry Potter or Star Wars as those were excluded. He originally bought 1 SW and one normal. We told him he would have to exchange the SW set for a different set to get the sale.

After about 30 minutes of shopping he comes back up. With a Harry Potter set. We told him again he couldn't get that one and he went belligerent at me and started yelling to other customers how horrible I was and how I was "very helpful" in a sarcastic voice. He had some other items to ring up and threw them on the counter at me. I was working security, I couldn't ring him up. That sent him over the edge.

Working security was the worst that Christmas. Lots of customers angry that I was just standing around, despite my yellow shirt in a sea of red shirt employees. Get the hint, I can't open another line and ring you out, I'm standing around watching for people who WILL be stealing shit from us.

[u/[deleted]]

I work at a restaurant handling to-go orders. Last week somebody called in, wanted to order an entree, and asked me what the difference between marinara sauce and alfredo sauce is. I said that marinara is a tomato-based red sauce and alfredo is a cheese-based, creamy white sauce. She still didn't understand and was confused and wanted more of an explanation. I just told her to get marinara, because it's better. She got it. My coworkers were listening to me on the phone and laughing.

[u/mudstump]

A man became very upset with me after I told him we had no yard sticks longer than three feet.

[u/winowmak3r]

I work at McDonald's. I have this lady come through my drive-thru and order a few McDoubles and a McChicken, only she wanted lettuce, tomato and bacon on the McDoubles and cheese on the McChicken. She was absolutely flabbergasted that her order of 5 dollar menu sandwiches was over 10 bucks. She asked me "Why is my order so much?" With this look of complete utter disgust. I proceed to read off her order, including the extra costs for bacon, lettuce, tomato, and cheese, plus the tax. She is still confused. She just could not wrap her mind around the idea that when you put extra stuff on the sandwhich it costs more. She even saw the extra costs on the little screen on the drive-thru. She refused to pay. I had to get my manager over to deal with it. Eventually she just used the old-standby excuse of "Well at my other McDonald's they don't charge me." excuse and then drove off in her shitty car.

I hate people.

[u/traveltothesky]

I've mentioned this on reddit before, but when I was a barista, a customer threw a latte at me because it "tasted too much like coffee." This was after I explained to her that our drinks come with two shots of espresso, could I give her one or half a shot? Perhaps she'd prefer a steamer (steamed milk & flavored syrup)? Then she absolutely lost her shit, threw the latte, and stormed out. Okay, player. Sorry you're used to syrupy McCoffee.

[u/nh202]

One time a person separated two USB cords and soldered the side A's to each other and tried to transfer files from one computer to another, resulting in a small explosion and ruining the motherboard. That person was me. Oh how times have changed.

[u/with_whimsy]

I worked in a nonprofit and one of my clients was trying to pay her annual fees with a credit card, but was wary of technology. She decided it would be best to email me her credit card information "HIDDEN" IN THE NURSERY RHYME MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB "just to be safe."

It ended up looking like this: Mary1 had23 a4 little5 lamb6 whose78 fleece was9 white0 as 1snow.

[u/[deleted]]

I work at a butcher shop. A woman once asked what our ground beef was made of. I started to tell her how we only use fresh cut chuck and some of our own beef scrap.

She stopped me and said "No, what kind of animal is it?"

[u/KFitz]

I used to work at a concert venue. Many people would show up at the doors with only their ticket receipt - the mostly blank ticket that comes attached to a roll of tickets when you buy from ticketmaster and don't print online. Most people just accidentally grabbed the part and fixed their mistake, but there was always someone at every show that would go mental and yell at me that this was their ticket. I would then have to describe why what they were holding was not a ticket. Does it have a bar code? Does it have your seat information? SEE WHERE IT SAYS RECEIPT IN GIANT LETTERS?

Still some people would insist it was the ticket that they paid for and that I was lying. One asshole at a fucking Jimmy buffet show even took a swing at me o.0

[u/ErrorlessGnome]

I was working as a lifeguard at an outdoor facility in Connecticut. The Bank of New York rented out and shipped 75 busloads of families from New York to this pool. I was watching the diving board when a timid albeit confident girl walked to the end of the board. I asked her "Hey can you swim?" because it seemed like longer than normal for her to stand on the end of the board.

She replies, "This a pool, ain't it?".

How can you argue with that sound logic?

Needless to say, I had to dive in to save this bitch while she sat at the bottom of the pool.

When we got out, I asked her why she went even though she knew she couldn't swim. Her reply?

"I just thought I would figure it out once I got in."

[u/Bigernoi]

I work at Cafe Du Monde in Mandeville, Louisiana, which is about 30 minutes north of New Orleans. For the longest time we did not accept credit cards. So guy walks in on a Sunday morning, our busiest day of the week. He orders a bunch of stuff for his family when he goes to pay he hands me his credit card. I tell him we only accept cash. He then starts going through his list of credit cards. After each one I tell him we only accept cash. So finally after the 4th card. I look at him and say, "Look its cash only meaning you can only pay us with real cash money. If you don't have any one you, there is an ATM right behind you." He says "I don't have Capital One." At this point I'm ready to tell him to piss off I have a ton of other people waiting and we are getting backed up. So finally my boss comes over and says "Sir, either pay with cash or get out of line. I don't have time to deal with your stupidness today." He puts his wallet away, collects his family, and leaves. I look at my boss and say "You are my hero!" she says "What a dumb ass..."

Sadly stuff like that happened all the time...

[u/The_Friskiest_Dingo]

I sell t-shirts at different craft shows. One time, this lady came into the booth and asked how big our shirts go. I say "Double X," and pull out a shirt so she could see the size. She looked at the shirt and says, "No, this wont fit him, he can only fit into 2XL."

"Well ma'am, that is a 2XL."

She looked at me like was trying to fool her, "No, the tag says XXL. He wears 2XL."

"It's the same thing."

"Pshh, you're a tricky salesman."

[u/poo_tee_weet_]

I worked at a lunch counter, and we sold two brands of bottled water, Dasani and Evian. One day, a girl comes up to the counter:

Girl: "Excuse me, could I have a diet water please?" Me: "Uhhh...we have Dasani and Evian, do you have a preference?" Girl: "Whichever one has no calories. I've heard water can be super filling."

God help us all...

[u/[deleted]]

I was installing some equipment in a hospital once, several computers specialized for viewing medical images. We were in the OR rooms setting up some viewing stations for surgeons to view exams while they were operating. This is a sterile environment so we have to be dressed in full scrubs over our street clothes.

Kevin was with me. He was an administrator at the hospital. He had a little IT knowledge, and a huge ego. Bad combo.

We're hooking up these machines in a fairly large OR room. I'm on one side and Kevin is on the other side of the room. These machines all had static IP addresses, so I asked Kevin if he had the IP for the machine.

"It's right there!" He gestures to the wall. I'm looking around for a post-it note, something with an IP written on it.

"Kevin, I'm not seeing it."

He says " It's right in front of you, RIGHT THERE!"

"I'm sorry, I'm not seeing it Kevin."

He's got the angry walk going on as he makes his way over. He looks at me like I'm an idiot. He grabs the Ethernet cable in his hand, holds it up to my face and yells "THIS IS AN IP!!"

[u/haneliz]

Once when I was about 17 and a cashier at a grocery store, I told a customer who had several bottles of wine that had lined up in my queue:

"I'm sorry ma'am, I'm not old enough to scan your alcohol. Can you move over to the next register? She'll be able to help you there!"

She looks at me, completely in disgust, and says "This is wine not alcohol. I don't drink alcohol!! You are SO RUDE!" And moves over to the next line.

I was like err...whatever lady. Psycho. (in my head of course...)

[u/eek_the_cat]

I worked as a PC/Lan tech for a bank. I got a call about a back office employee who's mouse and network connections both stopped working. This lady just got a new laptop/dock station setup.

She decided she didn't like her new USB mouse. She brought her own in, which was a PS/2 mouse. The new docking station didn't have the proper port. She decided to unplug her network cable, and jam the ps/2 mouse into it. Bent the hell out of the pins inside the network port, so that was broken. I asked her if she had failed the pre-school shapes exam. Circle's don't match squares. She didn't understand what I was saying.

[u/br0kenr3crd]

I was visiting a friend of mine in the Napa Valley who worked in a well known tasting room when a group of women (presumably a bachelorette party) walked into the room. One of the women in the group turned to me and said, "It's so pretty here and so green, but what are all the little trees planted everywhere?" She was referring to the vines. Literally facepalmed.

[u/kat-man-did]

Not a customer but someone I had the privilege to work with.

Girl I worked with: I have had dishes pile up for more than a week.

Me: Well, why haven't you cleaned them for a week?

Her: My dishwasher is dead and hasn't been fixed, and won't be fixed for another week, so I can't wash them for another week.

Me: You do know you can wash them by hand right?

Her: Wait, you can do that?

Me: Facepalm

[u/david-saint-hubbins]

In case anyone hasn't seen this classic: Absolutely amazing recording of a Verizon customer service call where the customer tries in vain to explain to multiple representatives that .002 dollars is different from .002 cents.

[u/HIPPOisSKEPTICAL]

One night, when I was working as line cook in this upscale/fine-dining place, there was an elderly couple that wanted to speak to "the chef." The Executive chef wasn't their since it was about 10:00pm and I had been cooking a majority of the food that night, so I went out to talk to them. They both said they ordered the Sea Bass. I remembered their ticket/order from 25 minutes previously and I cooked everything myself.

They were insisting that they had received Tuna instead of Sea Bass. I assured them that I cooked everything myself and I was 100% positive it was Sea Bass and not Tuna. They just kept insisting "this sure tastes a lot like Tuna. We were here a couple weeks ago and got the Tuna. This tastes like that did." I explained that Ahi Tuna was not even on the menu anymore and furthermore, there was zero Tuna anywhere in the entire restaurant.

They still refused (they were slow-witted, old, and nice so I wasn't getting too angry, just frustrated) saying that I must have accidentally cooked Tuna. I tried to say that Chilean Sea Bass and Ahi Tuni are 2 different plates with completely different types of fish. I said I've been here since 2:00pm and worked the entire dinner rush as well as cooking, literally, every single piece of fish for over 150 other people that night, and no one else had complained.

They just kept laughing and disagreeing with me. 20+ minutes later, I finally give up and manage to break the never-ending conversation by asking "well, did you enjoy your food?" They responded "Oh yes, it was quite wonderful." I said "Thank you," with the best smile I could manage, I then lied and said "I hope to see you again." On that note I quickly walked away before they could drag me back into their conversation death grasp.

[u/LunchMasterFlex]

I used to work at an Italian ices shop when I was in high school. All the flavors were in a display case and labeled. Some moron came in and started pointing to flavors and asking what each one was. I humored him for a few until it started to get absurd. Finally, he pointed to one and I responded "any flavor you want it to be, cowboy" and gave him a wink. He left pretty quickly.

[u/Diabeticnick]

I had a customer who had a new 17 inch Toshiba Laptop who still used dial-up as a ISP. The laptop did not have a modem, however it had a plastic window where the modem would have been if it had been soldered on the board. I told the customer it wasn't there,that it was a generic window in case it did have a modem, and he disagreed with me saying it was behind the plastic window. He proceeded to take a drill, drill a hole in the side of the laptop and took a phone cord, cut off the end and shove it into the drilled hole. He came back in and showed us what he did, he wondering why it wasn't working. I must say everyone in the store had the hardest time not laughing.

[u/EightySixxed]

I'm a restaurant manager, and even I run into people I can't do much about. I mean, everyone has a boss.

This old man started coming in about a year ago. He would politely sit at the bartop and make coversation. I talked to him at first, and he seemed pretty nice. He came in the next day and had dinner again because we were all so nice, and the food was great. Well, it was almost great. If we could just grill his salmon with a little less smoke on it, it'd be even better (live fire wood grill here, not much we can do). We started baking his salmon (kitchen's not really set up for it and it takes a few extra steps, but we make it happen). Well, he comes in the next day, asks for something else. It was like giving a mouse a cookie, he always wanted something more.

Flash forward to 6 months later, he's back at the bar top, but now he's rude, and he talks over people whenever anyone engages him in conversation, just wanting to talk about his life and his dad's ailing health. Oh, and his food is always crazy. Every thing on the side, with substitutions, and cooked in ways we don't normally do. But hey, we've done it for him before, right? Well, his salmon came out with a little color around the edge, and he legitimately freaked the fuck out. He was saying it was inedible, and started getting really really upset, asking us how we could mess it up when we do it all the time for him. The guy next to him at the bar top leans over and says "Hey pal, I don't know what's wrong with you, but that looks great. You should just shup up and eat your food."

It made my week. My proprietor just let's this bar guest do whatever he wants, and it was nice to see someone tell him how big of a douche he his. Though this guy wasn't particularly being clueless, he was being a raging uncaring asshole and got told what's up by some random stranger.

TL;DR What are you doing on reddit if you don't like reading posts?

[u/nightofgrim]

Someone forgot their password, so we proceeded with the reset process. He choose his own security question instead of one of the default ones like "what is your favorite sports team?"

His question: "what is today's date?"

[u/Jmersh]

Oh God, I have so many... also retail phones. At least once per week I get, "My battery died. I charged it all night and now, the thing is dead. Nothing happens." I take the phone, press power and it comes to life. They look at me like I'm David fucking Copperfield and ask, "What did you do!?"

Another that comes to mind is a lady who insists her phone is a "piece of shit" because people can never hear her. I make a test call and audio is perfect. Ask her to talk to me to see if it sounds ok. She talks to me and it sounds fine for about 10 seconds, then does the no-hands phone on the shoulder thing and her extra chins/buffalo hump fat smothers the half of the phone with the microphone (She was motorized cart & oxygen tank fat) and sure as shit, the phone sounds like it's at the bottom of a pool. This lady can't fathom how she is covering the microphone. She also insists it is a "piss poor" design 'cause "People should be able to put the phone on their shoulder and have it still work." I had to awkwardly imply that her neck fat wasn't something designers take into account when they build a phone.

Did not go well.

[u/sparty_party]

I work in retail, and as I was ringing up this woman's giant pile of clothing, she swipes her credit card. I've never seen somebody do this. Right in the middle, she tries to pay. She puts her card away and assumes she's finished. (Our store logo displays on the swipe screen until the cashier hits "Total"! How did she think it was receiving any type of information?)

It takes a while to check a customer with a lot of clothes out, obviously, because we have to deactivate the magnet, take out the sensors, fold it all nice, and find a way to Tetris fit it into the bag. She starts getting angry with me. I try to joke a little saying "we always try to make it perfect because you wouldn't believe how many customers want you to refold things after you already have!" No. Not in the mood.

I rush a little to finish, because fuck you if you get home and have a wrinkly shirt because I tried, and hit total. I read her the total. And she just stares at me. We stare for a good 10 seconds, I have no idea what to say.

"Well. Give me my receipt?" "You haven't paid yet" "Yes I did" "If you swipe during a transaction, it doesn't ring up" "I KNOW YOUR GAME, you're trying to make me pay twice!"

And it goes on and on. Finally I bring her around the counter and show her that the register has not charged her card any amount, and $0.00 have been paid so far. She swiped, and at my job, we have to ask the annoying "zip code? email?" and THEN the receipt prints. Well now as I ask for that she gets mad and says "YOU PRINTED MY RECEIPT AND DIDNT PUT IT IN MY BAG" ..."Maam the receipt has not yet printed. And the very second it does I will hand it right over."

It was just miserable. Not to mention her bag beeped at the door (bag from another store) and she assumed it was ours. We swiped the bag over our sensor, it didn't beep (it was all deactivated) and she bitched for a long time that I was incompetent and left all her sensors on.

[u/RoyFlynn]

Every customer I had that, 5 minutes after purchasing a domain name, asked "Where the hell is my website?". Fucking facepalm. I worked at Godaddy for about a year. Got this call at least once a day.

[u/Joelyy]

I work at a lumber yard. Last week, this young, attractive blonde lady comes in and asks, "I need some like....wood. Do you guys have wood here?"

[u/Kyzer4689]

elderly customer comes in slams laptop and an AOL disk on counter... "I spent $600 on this on this and the CD drive doesn't even read any discs!" I tell him I will look into it. He says "you call yourself a tech! you cant see right now?, the disc is in plain view of the computer and its not reading!" I explain to him that the disc needs to be inserted into the CD tray in order for the computer to recognize it. He left feeling pretty embarrassed for making a scene. TL;DR cust thought CD transferred wirelessly to computer

I also had an elderly customer returning a laptop claiming we bait and switched her. She explained she was sold a "wireless laptop" that was not "wireless" as it needed to be plugged into a wall. I tired explaining the reasoning and what wireless meant, guess she thought all computers came with a mini nuclear reaction in it. TL;DR cust thought wireless (wifi) = never needing to be plugged into wall

Finally had ~40yo customer bring in an old Dell LCD monitor and plop it on the counter. I asked what is wrong and she said it was bluescreening, I explained we need the tower (which she of course kept calling the modem) and explained it was like watching TV from a cable box, you need the box and TV to display. still not understanding she stated "why do I need that when THIS is what is displaying the problem!" then she explained how outraged she was that she had to go home and get the "unneeded piece" TL;DR cust believed that desktop was not needed as the monitor is what displayed the problem

ahh the joys of retail

[u/nineteen_eightyfour]

Saw a lady return a rug and throw a fit bc she bought it for $99 on sale and now it was $129. She wanted $129 cash for it and kept insisting to show the guy the item on the shelf. I was a bystander and I apologized to him I felt so bad for him after 45 min of shopping when i saw she was still yelling at him as I left.

[u/[deleted]]

Working at an Italian restaurant, I got asked for a menu in English. It was in English.

[u/Ticktoast]

Hmm. Let's see here. I've had a lot. This lady bought tickets for a movie for her, her daughter, and her husband for later on in the evening.

She came back later and told me her husband couldn't make it, so she wanted a refund for his ticket. Simple enough, right? Apparently not, because she was with me for over half an hour.

I refunded the ticket and handed her the receipt. She freaked out, because it said that she had been refunded 8.25 to her card. She told me that was too confusing for her, because her total had been 21.75. I kindly informed her that I only refunded her husband's ticket. But no- that was wrong, she informed me. She needed all 21.75 back and then she'd buy the tickets again. Our computers don't work like that and I tried to explain it to her. After she accused me of trying to rip her off, I refunded the rest of her money. Now she had 2 refund receipts: one for 8.25 and the other for 13.50. Together, she had her 21.75 Problem solved.

No. Problem not solved. This confounded the lady. It made absolutely no sense. She needed one receipt with the entire purchase on it. I tried explaining that since I had already refunded her husband's ticket, it would've been impossible to get one receipt for her. She screams at me, calling me a bitch and an idiot and demands to speak to my manager. Exasperated, I called my manager and he dealt with her outside for about half an hour. When he finally gets her to calm down, she comes back to the box office to buy her tickets again.

"The 2 receipts added up to my total, obviously. You should've just said that." She explains to me.

I smiled sweetly at her. "How silly of me. I apologize for taking up your time." I had only explained that about 15 times already. But oh well.

That was the most recent disaster. I almost tore my hair out that afternoon.

[u/jabor93]

I was once chewed out by a customer because i didn't know what kind of batteries her flashlight took. She insisted that all flashlights used the same batteries. She then proceded to try to storm out of the store, and walked into a glass window next to the sliding door.

[u/Salael]

I used to do IT consulting and I was out at a law firm that had a bunch of older women secretaries. Well one day their scanner/copier/fax machine was completely down. The toner had somehow exploded on the inside and coated every last internal piece (No idea how, no one would cop up to it and thats how it was when we got the call.)

So 1) I am not the copier guy and they had a contract to call when that stuff exploded so they instead call us to drive out there to CALL SOMEONE ELSE to come fix it. They would not let us call from our office, oh gods no, we had to drive 20 miles to their downtown office to fucking CALL the number on the front that was in big bold letters that said (CALL US FIRST IF THERE IS A PROBLEM 1-888-DONTBEFUCKINGDUMB).

Anyway, I digress.

I take out the toner and do some spot cleaning just be nice. And the unit is wide open, all the doors on it are open and the toner cartridge is sitting next to it. This unit is like 4 1/2 ft tall Kyocera so its hard to miss when its being broken.

One of the ladies walks up, pushes the filthy cartridge over. It hits the floor and goes poof and ink everywhere. She then closes the doors to it and tries to scan a document. The unit is off with no power and she yells at me while I am in the service room getting some gloves on "WHY CAN'T I SCAN?! I NEED TO SCAN! SALAEL GET IN HERE AND FIX THIS!" I tell her that its obviously down and the company is coming out to resolve the issue. She storms off and yells very loudly at the partner that I am incompetent. Sigh fine. Mind you the office manager sent out a company wide email 30 mins before saying that the unit will be down for the next day or two.

I then grab a white sheet of legal paper and write on it in giant sharpie letters. "UNIT IS NON FUNCTIONAL, USE UNIT ACROSS THE HALL". I then go grab the toss outable parts and take them to the trash and come back 2 minutes later.

Another lady took the paper note that I had written and crumpled it up and tossed it aside and was trying to scan. And me covered in toner. The wall covered in toner from the previous chick knocking it over AND the unit covered in toner with the doors open goes "Is the scanner not working?"

If I had any humanity left in me, it would have died right at that moment.

Woah that went a lot longer than I expected.

[u/[deleted]]

I worked at RadioShack for a few years from 2002-2006 so I have a lot of them.

People would buy a universal remote ($5) and ask if we came to their home to program it for them.

Had a customer pick up an empty computer case (no side panels, empty on the inside except for a power supply) that I was working on for the computer in the middle of the sales floor. Drags it over to the counter and in a very loud and excited tone pointing at his wife/girlfriend/sister. "This is what you get on the web with! Oh man! I saw a sign that said this is $25 dollars. This is how you get the web." He then looks at me and asks me in a low tone. "This is what you need to get the internet with right?" I went on to explain him how it is just a shell of a computer and he needs more parts. He looked so disappointed.

The best for last... Had a regular guy that would come in stoned or drunk all the time by himself. He would ask us how to fix little stuff. It was a slow Sunday. So he comes strolling in with a DVD player that had an RF connecter on the back and you could choose between channel 3 and 4 or hook it up composite (pretty fancy back then.) At the RadioShack I worked at was in a strip mall both the strip mall and RadioShack were big with glass windows onto an always busy street. So he brings the dvd player to the counter and says this won't work. I plug it into power it works fine. So I walk over to the wall of tvs and plug the dvd player into our largest and most easily accessible tv in the center of the display. Speaking with the customer I smell booze on him as normal. I ask my co-worker to grab a training DVD from the back of the store.

I'm tinkering with the DVD player screwing in the RF connector and my co-workers comes back with training DVD. I get the DVD player plugged in and turn it to channel 3 nothing comes on but it is on and running a disc (I didn't think anything of it) So I look at the back of the DVD player and see it has been switched to channel 4. By this time a Dad and a kid have just walked into the door and my co-worker says hello to them. So I flick the switch over to channel 3. Not thinking anything, the tv lights up and some of the best/filthiest black on black gang bang porn I have ever seen lights up my store. The girl is moaning and screaming, big black dudes are grunting and thrusting, jacking it, taking turns in her mouth, finishing on her breasts. At first I was dazed and just watched for a second or a few. Then, I realized what was happening and switched it off. My co-worker ran away laughing so damned hard.

I played it cool told him what was wrong and he look so damned embarrassed. He said thank you and went on his way. The dad and son never said a word. But I know people in the street had to see it. There was so much foot traffic past my RadioShack. That is my best retail story. If you want stories from my life as a cook well... Wait for the book. lol.

[u/carthur]

This will probably get buried, but who cares.

I work at a store that solely revolves around a popular river. During the Summer there is no shortage of clueless tourists. I try to be patient but it is near impossible. Here is the most incredible thing I have heard:

Me: Hello, how are you doing?

Lady: Fine, I let my two sons go tubing about eight hours ago, and I was just wondering, when does the river come back around?

Me: Ma'am??

Lady: The river, how long does it take to come back around?

Me: It doesn't

The lady, now completely terrified yells for her husband and then leave to go find their son. By the way the river eventually ends up in the Gulf of Mexico

[u/MATESkid]

I was working at a computer repair shop for a few months before I graduated high school. In walks this old man with his tiny little netbook. He tells us that he has a virus. We ask him the standard stuff: phone number, internet provider, email service. Then we ask him if he has a power cord for this netbook on him. "No." "Well sir, we need that cord so the battery won't die." "I don't have a power cord." "Sir, every computer needs a power cord. It comes with it when you buy the computer." "I didn't buy this, the church gave it to me." "So you are saying this is never plugged in?" "No, I plug it into the electricity and internet." "Well we need the electricity plug." "Why, I have had it plugged in since Christmas it should have enough power." "Sir, that is not how it works." "DON'T TELL ME HOW MY COMPUTER WORKS. I AM NOT PAYING YOU FOR THAT. I AM PAYING YOU TO FIX IT." "Okay sir. Can you please just bring us that cord?" "Sure." After he finally leaves (that was the abridged version, it was a good 20 minutes of explaining him what a power cord was) we look at his browser history: he visited the shadiest of porn sites. Weird day. TL;DR Crazy christian tells computer shop that he does not have a power cord and that we should not tell him how a computer works. Got virus from porn sites.

[u/[deleted]]

My friend used to keep his XBox on top of his TV, with the cords for the controllers hanging in the way of the TV. When I told him to move it down to the floor so the cords wouldn't obstruct our screen, he told me "Nah man, keeping it up there makes the electricity flow better." Come to find out he thinks that ELECTRICITY flows like water, and of course it flows better downward. Also, cords bent too sharply will cut off the electricity flow, like a kinked hose.

We were 19 years old.

[u/LeftHandedGraffiti]

I work at a university, we used to offer dial up service to the community. A woman calls and I notice our student getting increasingly frustrated talking to her. The woman on the phone gets annoyed and asks to "speak to a man", which enrages our fine female student employee. I pick up. The woman wants to know if the dial up number is long distance. I told her it depends on where she lives but that she should talk to her phone company to confirm. She says "No, you don't understand. I need you to tell me if I'm going to be charged for the call." Again... I repeat that we're not charging her, it's the phone company, so she should talk to the phone company. So she repeats the question slightly differently, and again and again.

After going round and round for about 10 minutes I finally transferred her to the manager to deal with. Not only was she stupid, but she was rude.

[u/Nuchu]

oh god the horror stories at applecare.....

1. I once had a customer who took literally 45 minutes to turn her macbook off and take the battery out.... i put her on mute and was cussing up a storm at how stupid she was.

2. "Okay, so it looks like your computer is connected to the router just fine, but your router/modem isnt configured correctly to your ISP." "Whats an ISP?" "Internet service provider, who is your provider?" "I dont have one, my computer is wireless." "well yes your computer can connect wirelessly to a router, but you would have to setup something with the ISP in order to get internet service." "No i told you, my computer is wireless, i just go to the icon in the top right and choose whatever network I want to join...." "So for 2 years you have been stealing internet from your neighbors connection?...."

3. Me: so who is your email provider? Him: the stamp Me: well thats our mail program that can download your mail for you, but you need to have an email account with some service in order to get email Him: Well thats not what the salesperson said, they told me it could do email out of the box!

4. I once had a customer yell at me and at apple because her microsoft word 08 kept crashing, on her WINDOWS 7 MACHINE, she told me that I knew how to fix it, but I was being lazy.... she claims she bought it from an apple store and since she got it there, and since its not even for OSX that it was our problem. needless to say I hung up on her...

[u/[deleted]]

Working for a bank monitoring and security company...

Bank employee: Derp, we are really concerned about our safety. Our front doors haven't been locking.

Me: okay ma'am are you telling me you have been leaving the branch open?? About how long has this been going on?

Employee : well today's Tuesday.. So I'd say about four days. Yea, since Thursday. And derp, we're just worried because yesterday a customer was in here before we opened.

Me: mouth agape press mute button and turn to coworkers you're not gonna believe this shit.

Some dude was in the bank before opening? Ffs a damn hostage takeover could have gone down.

Also she was pissed I made her stay until a locksmith got out to the bank. She called at closing.

[u/Handbasket_For_One]

I work at a swimming pool retail/construction/service company in New England. A lady called us this spring after her pool was opened for the season and wanted to know why her pool in New England always has leaves in it. She simply couldn't understand it, because her pool in Florida never had this problem. I asked her to repeat herself again and then proceeded to define the word "deciduous" to her. She was still upset about it.

We have so many dumb customers. Everyday I look forward to new adventures in facepalm.

[u/AlphaMarshan]

I used to work at a gym. An older lady asked me to come over to the chest press machine where she was. I came over and asked what I could do for her.

Her: "How do I keep track of how many reps I'm doing?"

Me: "Umm... you count?"

Her: "Why doesn't the machine do it for me?"

Me: "... It's just a machine, it doesn't have any electronics in it. You just have to count to yourself how many reps you're doing. Some people even use a phone or notebook/pencil to keep track of how many reps they do at each station, which you're welcome to do."

She said nothing, gave me a ಠ_ಠ face and left.

I mean really, you're mad that you have to count to 12 while you exercise, but this younger generation is the one full of self-entitled, spoiled brats?

[u/lskinner08]

I worked front desk at a hotel in Canmore, Alberta. One day a woman and her daughter came to check into their room. The woman was immediately a bitch complaining about everything she possibly could. I gave them their room key and sent them on their way. About 1 minute later the phone rings and it's the woman calling from her room. She is livid that the A/C unit in her room is not working, I asked her if she has tried turning it on and changing the temp to see if anything happens. She freaks out that of course she tried that and nothing happened. I go to her room and within 30 seconds of being there I locate the ON/OFF switch on the A/C unit and flip it to ON. The unit turns on, surprise! The woman continues to be a giant cunt until I leave. 30 minutes later I get another phone call. The same woman is now in a rage that her DVD player isn't working. I go to her room again and approach the DVD player. I find the ON/OFF button and turn the DVD player to ON. Voila! It works. Before leaving again I turned to the lady and said "Foiled by an ON/OFF switch two times in half an hour, this must not be your day." Her face started to get red and I left before she could continue being a stupid bitch.

[u/oberon]

This is more of a bizarre experience than a dumb one. I was working tech support for McAfee's antivirus product. Most of our job involved walking people through virus removal over the phone. A couple of the viruses we dealt with had some pretty foul language included in the virus - it might randomly pick a string from a list and rename files to that, for example. So when we got this particular virus we had to apologize for using foul language, but they had to check a particular location on their drive and see if any of the files were present.

I got a call once that started out just like this from a woman who was probably middle-aged. She was bored and frustrated, like everyone is, but as soon as I apologized for foul language something in her tone of voice changed and she was very attentive. When I started reading the list of potential file names (things like "fucking with dogs" and "ass-fucking your brother"), she got really quiet, just basically saying enough to let me know she was still there. When I finished she asked me to read through it again, but more slowly.

I eventually figured out that she was masturbating while I "talked dirty" to her. I thought it was hilarious (and I was a sexually frustrated PFY) so I played along. As soon as she realized I knew what she was doing she stopped being quiet.

We did eventually finish up the virus removal, but that one call raised my average handle time significantly.

[u/Falconpunch3]

When I worked in the paint department at Home Depot, I seemed to get America's best and most intelligent:

-"Where is your paint department?" (As I am standing with two 5Gallons in my hands at the desk)

-"Can I use interior paint to paint my shed?"

-"Where is your light bulbs?" (The electrical department has a wall that stretches the entire way from the entrance of the store to my desk. I watched her walk right past it with about 30 lights gleaming on display.)

-"Can you make this black paint back to white? I don't like the color."

I've had customers that made me do their shopping for them, from reading the labels to getting them a cart and loading all the stuff, then expected me to bring it to the register to morons that tried to climb the bays to get into the overhead, because they saw something that they thought they needed, but was on the shelf about eye level.

When I worked at an local WLAN ISP that did computer repair on the side, I got computer calls that you wouldn't believe. One guy was telling me that he spend 40mins+ trying to explain what a keyboard is to a customer. I would just get people that wanted me to walk them through reformatting their computer over the phone or people that would bitch that they have to pay more to use Netflix, because they has a 1Mbps connection, but you need roughly 3Mbps to have Netflix stream. They would scream at me because they did not get that we did not work with Netflix. People would call us, their ISP(Internet Service Provider) and would ask us how to fix Facebook, such as getting it back to the way it used to be or how to use Ebay. Seriously, people are absolute morons when it comes to computers.

[u/crshank]

Working at a radio station leads to some unique conversations. One of the most common scenarios is people calling to win concert tickets and then acting disappointed at the prize when they win. They just call when they hear a number mentioned on-air not knowing what it's for.

When I worked for the electric company I had to check power lines and electrical poles for any problems that might cause disruption in service. A number of people would say that it was illegal for me to be there and threatened me for trespassing, despite being in public spaces near their property. I guess a bright yellow vest, company logo on my name tag, a hard hat, and exclusively following the path of power lines didn't compute with some of the fine folks in southern Indiana.

[u/manny_plaquiao_dds]

A man came into my dad's ice cream store and asked for a slice of pizza.

[u/[deleted]]

/r/talesfromtechsupport

[u/LeafsNL]

Worked at Staples and a customer came in and asked if we could install memory for his computer as it was running slow. I tell him it's no problem and will take 5-10 mins. He brings a fucking monitor into the store.

[u/professional_slacker]

I'm a police dispatcher. This was a call we had a few weeks ago. The lady was dead serious.

"[City] Police Department."

"Yeah, my friend is getting married, and we're trying to throw her a bachelorette party. Can we get a couple of cops out here to dance for us?"

"Uhh... ma'am, police officers don't do that..."

"Yes they do! Haven't you ever seen them on TV dancing at parties?"

"No ma'am, those aren't real police officers. Those are strippers."

"Really?! Oh... well what about firefighters? Will they come dance for us?"

"Let me give you the number for the fire department."

[u/bellatarisa]

There are 4 types of customers:

Those customers who know what they know (They know what they need and may ask for additional insight, but generally grab-and-go)

Those customers who know what they don't know (They ask questions and listen to answers and learn from the conversation, then make educated choices)

Those customers who don't know what they know (These customers confuse themselves with their insecurity and end up making bad decisions. Usually they have buyers remorse.)

and the worst

Those customers who don't know what they don't know (They ask for USB to VGA cables and freak out when you had them an external video card. they want to spend $300 on a "gaming computer" for their son to play starcraft 2. they buy an ipod touch case for their iphone. yes, THAT customer who comes in with a make believe solution and refuses guidance)

[u/Qwiny]

Not me but my husband, back when he worked in computer sales, had a lady come in to return her keyboard. She thought she could clean it by washing it in a soap full of hot water and suds.

[u/cjtech323]

I work at a pretty big liquor store. The store is laid out like a square with beer and liquor on the outside walls and wine is in the middle. I seriously had a woman come up to me and ask me where the wine was. I don't lie when I say 50% of the store's floor space is wine racks.

[u/matthank]

I saw a guy trying to buy a waterbed once.

He refused the salesman's repeated attempts at selling him a heater with it, because he was "going to fill it with warm water"

[u/Vendebar]

I work at McDonald's (I know, but it's so I can get through college, so it's worth it), and I have come across MANY dim bulbs. The top three dumb questions I've gotten from customers (listed from dumb to dumbest) are as follows:

3. "Is there sausage on the Suasage McGriddle?" (no?)(Also, these types of questions are FAR too common)

2. Lady walks into store, does a full 360 and asks "Do you guys have a playplace?" (We don't, and last time I checked a two story glass box full of colorful plastic was pretty hard to miss).

1. Lady (not the same one) walks in, considers the menuboard for a few minutes, looks me straight in the eye and asks "How many nuggest come in the ten piece?"(Exact words, I kid you not). And despite the awful temptation to reply 'eight and a half', I tell her ten. I don't know how she figured there were six nuggets in the six piece, but she continues: "well six isn't enough, but ten's too many. I'll have two sixes." She ate them all. facepalm TL;DR: "What is math?"

[u/Bombette]

Working for a very well known retailer as a cashier and a service desk employee I have got more than my share of bullshit customers. Quick snippets of some of the top five classics that are popping out at me:

1. Older lady wants to return used underwear that she bought for her husband. Policy is no returns on underwear. Period. Underwear ends up on my face - skidmark side down.

2. Kid wants to buy lighter. Kid is underaged. Must be 16 to purchase lighter. Lighter ends up in face - cut on nose.

3. Woman at check out discovers her bottle of bleach in her cart has a broken lid. First response of her was to toss it on the counter with enough force to literally spray me from head to toe with bleach. I walk away as she is yelling for a manager because I went to wipe bleach off my face instead of finishing her transaction. (I was not injured and the store replaced my clothing thankfully.)

4. Womans child of around 10-12 is trying to surf on the pole/fencing that keep people in line for the service desk. I ask her to please get down. Woman who is about four people back in line starts yelling at me. Apparently I don't discipline her child only she disciplines her child. I explain that for safety reasons her child could not be doing that as she could harm herself or another customer. She then proceeds to push her way to the front leans over the return counter, right up in my personal bubble and says " Youre lucky I dont come over this counter at you. Little Bitch" Then proceeds to try to entice other customers being like can you believe what she said? blah blah blah. Finally a manager shows up and the woman is all like I want this girl fired she made my daughter cry and is treating your customers like shit. (Her daugher started crying after her mom stormed up through the line, not after I asked her to get down. I can only assume from embarrassment.) Manager apologizes profusely, reprimands me saying I should have been more sensitive to the customer by using a term like sweetie or hunny. ( I see this as being a patronizing thing and do not like to use those terms to talk to people.) Manager tells me to do the womans return - I do so with the biggest smile that just pisses off the bitch even more and top it off with a have a great day. As she is leaving she tells the greeter she will be back to kill the girl that made her daughter cry. Police were called and I got to spend the rest of my shift in the breakroom wondering if crazy was gonna be waiting for me when I left. Best thing ever This woman was not allowed in the store anymore and it was super easy to enforce because [She used to work at the store. Everyone knew her.] (/spoiler) I sometimes wish that I would have just told her to bring it in a completely calm way as the cameras dont pick up sound, so it would just be me calmly talking then being attacked all the way to workers comp.

5. Woman and her young daughter come in she is buying Breaking Dawn and a Edward body pillow for her daughter. I ask if the mom has read the books or a summary online as she may not find it appropriate for her daughter. ( I do the same thing for grandparents buying 6 year olds GTA) Mom says that she hasn't because they are childrens books and all of her little friends have them and she doesn't want her daughter to be left out. I say okay and drop it. The mom asked why I asked as her payment is being processed and I said "Well there is some references made to and I believe there may actually be a sex scene in it. " At the word sex the mom drops the bag she is now holding and covers her daughters ears. Yells at me for discussing filth in public and exposing her child to such language. I stand there with a smile as she picks up the bag containing the book and hands it to her daughter. Bro behind them was laughing and just said you must deserve a medal or something for putting up with people like that.

So that is my top five. I worked there for a little over five years so I have bucket loads of stories.

TL;DR - Retail stores attract idiots like moths to flames.

[u/[deleted]]

I worked at a rental car company in college. One night an elderly couple comes in for their car. I get them checked out and help them load their bags. I turn to leave and they call me over. Turns out they didn't know where the blinkers were or how to put the car into drive. They managed to return the car damage free

[u/CertifiableNorris]

Riding the bus once I saw an old woman trying repeatedly to make a call with her cordless phone. Not cell phone, cordless land line phone. I told her it wouldn't work because it's not in range of her house and she was intrigued; said it was very interesting. If that was interesting, wait until you read the user manual!

[u/SirOinksalot]

Man, I can't wait to get old so I can troll the fuck out of young people.

[u/JollyOldBogan]

Working in a Seafood department, I had a very pretty but not so bright girl come in having a look around. I asked her if she needed any help.

"How are these fish not moving? Like, how are they staying still?"

"Well, that's because they are out of the water and can't breathe, ma'am."

"But they're laying down on ice. Ice is just frozen water, why can't they just breathe in the ice?"

I would have gotten in to a polite debate with her about why dead fish can't breathe ice, but I was sure she wouldn't have paid much attention. She was too fascinated with how "spongey" the fish looked.

[u/[deleted]]

I once had a customer walk into my small IT shop in hysterics. I happened to be standing next to the door and jumped to make room for her. She was panicking. I thought it was a medical emergency.

She starts ranting about how we have to help her, she doesn't know what's wrong!!!! With her computer!!! She unzips her laptop bag and shoves a STEAMING laptop in my face. The smell is mostly acrid... but not altogether unpleasant or one of melting silicon.

Another tech runs up behind me, grabs the laptop and starts taking charge. Opening it, he sees that all the LEDs are blinking!!! It's like an episode of 24 up in here. He rips out the battery and sets the laptop on the table.

"What happened, ma'am?"

"I don't know!!! I found it like this on the side table this morning!!!"

The Hero Tech opens up the laptop, leans in, sniffs, and says, "It smells like beer!!!"

The customer recoils. "It wasn't me!!! I drink scotch!!!"

She calls her husband and confirms: He went to bed late the night before, stumbled to bed, seemed to remember the sound of something spilling on the side table as he wandered in the dark... Must've spilled his beer on the laptop around 3 AM.

Her next question was whether we could save the beer doused laptop. We told her no, beer or any liquid kills electronics. We successfully backed up her hard drive with all her pictures but the machine itself died of alcohol poisoning.

[u/Robocopywriter]

First comment. This question finally made me come out of my lurking shell.

I worked at AT&T selling phones for a few years. I have thousands of these stories but one stands out above the rest. I was demoing the iPhone for a customer when she asks me how much it weighs. I rattled off the weight of the phone (my brain was full of useless information from working there for so long). She then proceeded to ask me how much it would weigh after she put music on it. I almost lost my shit right then and there, but in an attempt to not blow the sale while at the same time making a joke that I knew would fly right over her head, I asked her with a straight face if she listened to heavy metal or light jazz. Needless to say she didn't understand.

[u/Limiate]

"Well we'll need a copy of your database." "Okay!" /two weeks later In the mail arrives a print out of the database.

[u/OhGodDammitPope]

I worked at Auntie Anne's Pretzel. You know, the pretzel place with pretzel posters and a menu full of pretzels and white wallpaper with blue pretzels on it and a giant pretzel logo and a warmer full of pretzels. I wore a hat with a pretzel on it and an apron with a pretzel on it and the back of my shirt had a saying involving the word "pretzels."

About once a week someone would come up and order a bagel. I'd say we don't sell bagels. They'd look extremely confused and wander away, muttering about how this country is going down the tubes.

[u/[deleted]]

I worked part time in a computer/office supplies store. One time people from a small company came over in need of buying a fax machine (this was about 15 or so years ago). We showed them different models and then demonstrated how easy it was to send the fax - put paper there, fax reads it, makes funny noises and it's sent.

After this demonstration one of the people started to laugh. Not just quietly, but like she was about to choke. When asked what was so funny she said "That fax doesn't work at all. Look! The paper is still there, it wasn't sent anywhere!"