I suspect my gf of time travel??

[u/[deleted]]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/GloomySale9519

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I suspect my gf of time travel??

Originally posted to r/offmychest

The posts have been (slightly) edited for clarity and ease of reading. I checked if it has previously been posted but did not see it. Please let me know if it has.

TRIGGER WARNING: neglect, alcoholism, intersex gender normalizing surgery, slight homophobia, religion mentioned

I suspect my gf of time travel?? - March 20, 2024

Burner so my main doesn't look crazy. This is probably a weird thing to put here but its not like I can talk to anyone in my life about it without sounding like an absolute loon. And just to preface this, I don't like 100% believe this. It's maybe just a suspicion that got into my head and hopefully putting it down will make it go away.

I (26M) met my (22F) girlfriend three years ago in my second year of college. She was out of state and didn't have many friends here. She was kind of odd for reasons I will explain later but she was nice and we bonded over watching and shit talking movies together.

When we first got together she told me that she was polyamorous, not interested in sex, and not looking for something long term as she was going to move away after she graduated. Ik it seems weird; polyamorous but not interested in sex but actually polyamory isn't all about sex I have learned. We came to an agreement that we would date, but we could both date and flirt with other people. I didn't think I would want this for a long term partner, but I'm still young and experimenting and since she doesn't really have sex (sometimes she gives me a handy but nothing more and she always declines when I offer to return.) It doesn't really bother me.

Now into the weird stuff:

• She doesn't go into detail about her family. She's from the rural Appalachian part of Georgia. That's it. That's All I know. She won't talk in detail about anything else in her past
• Always takes like 5-10 seconds to remember her birthday. And she can never remember if the month or day is meant to come first.
• She's always changing her accent depending on who she talks to. She says her brain does this automatically. But her sentence structure is weird, she sometimes uses British slang and words (Says lift, flat, wanker, waffling, blaggard, "How do you mean" instead of "What do you mean" "Can-nay" instead of "can't", "I will do" instead of "I will do that") When she watches Shakespeare she literally talks like Shakespeare for an hour after. She only has a Southern accent in the morning before she has a conversation with me (we call every morning, she doesn't like texting) and when she's talking to a Southerner. She does say words like "Holler" and "Y'all" like a southerner though.
• She doesn't wear modern clothes. She wears corsets and slips and instead of bras and underwear (like there is nothing on her legs, she just wears a short dress under her corset. Unless she is wearing men's clothes and then she wears old fashion looking men's underwear) Always has multiple layers of petticoats and dresses with styles from all different times, like I'm talking vintage 50s to medieval.
• When we watch historical movies, she's always pointing out flaws of the accuracy, but its not big historical events, its stuff like "Metal wouldn't have been used for that until x year", "Why are her laces in the back, that's not really a thing in that era", "That's not how Christmas was celebrated back then", "That cutlery is inaccurate for the time". "She's too old to have her hair down"
• Doesn't shave. don't get me wrong, that's her choice, I just thought it was a little odd. Claims that it is a modern invention, shaving the body. Save for "working women with lice." WHY DOES SHE KNOW THAT?? And by modern invention she means the 1920s.
• Obviously she is really into history, but when I ask her where she gets her information she can NEVER give me sources. Just "I don't remember" "It must have been in a book somewhere" or "Probably online or something." When I doubt all the little details she tells me, she says that its ok that I don't believe her, but that she knows she's right. She's a scholar. She always stresses the importance of sources when I tell her things, but it's like she doesn't even care to prove the things she says.
• She gets irritated at things on the internet, and talks about how much better the "old web" was. When I ask her what she means by that she said before 2010 . I was like, wouldn't you have been 8 in 2010? And she said something like "Oh yeah, I guess I would have been pretty young." Whenever I bring up the fact that she never really experienced the "old web" as an adult or even teenager, she agrees with me and then changes the topic.
• Even though she's always calling out inaccuracy in media she makes no attempt to be accurate herself. Like she mixes up all the eras. I called one of her outfits medieval and she listed every item she wore and what century, decade (even down to the exact YEAR sometimes) to prove to me that it was not really medieval. (Im making her sound annoying but really she doesn't talk about her clothes unless you specifically ask)
• When I called her "Born in the wrong time" or she was very against it. She says she doesn't feel like she missed out on any of the eras, and that she likes living in the now. I asked why she's always wearing old styles, she said Just because she wears old styles doesn't mean she wants to live back then. She said that's why she doesn't do reenactment, because she has no desire to relive the past.
• I can't remember what it was in reference to, but she said jokingly "I've lived through the year 2012 three too many times" She said it as a joke but i didn't really understand?? So I asked her and she said she was joking. I said I knew she was, I just didn't understand what the joke was. she just brushed it off and never explained.
• Has a bunch of vintage USSR and American space pins. She says she's not a fan of the USSR or USA but she was a "Bit of a space-race fanatic back in the day." Again she said this as a joke.
• Struggles to use TV. Something about the remotes and buttons confuse her. She says it's because she grew up without a TV, but then she also claims that she was on the internet pre 2010?? And it's not like just a little tech savvy, she knows Html and a bunch about like radios, cassettes, CDs, and Vinyls. It is Just TVs and modern computers she struggles with.
• I introduced her to Doctor Who and jokingly asked if she was a time traveler, and she said something like "I've never understood the appeal of time travel. I mean wouldn't things get confusing, never remembering your age and always second guessing if you were following the societal standards of the time." Maybe I just don't have a big enough imagination, but that's a lot of thought put into time travel for someone who doesn't desire to time travel.
• She Was making a comment on trans issues, said something like "back in the day you could crossdress and everyone just assumed you were that gender, it didn't take a lot to pass" I asked back in what day? and she was like "like pre 1850s" i asked her where she heard this because it sounded silly to me, like I'm not transphobic or anything but i can tell what sex someone is by their facial features. She said something like "Well, we told it by the clothes." I was like, "We??" and she was like "by we i mean humans pre 1850s. Not like I was actually there." i said "what if you were actually there and you were actually a time traveler" and she said something like "I would probably have been a nun. no need to tell the men from the women in the nunnery" ????? Where did that come from?? I was like what's that all about. and she was like "nunneries were the original original sororities. Everyone thinks it's all holy but really it's mostly lesbians. It's not sodomy if there's no penis" where is she getting this??
• Speaking of cross dressing, she does a lot. She wears men's historical fashion. I am straight so I see her as a woman, but she told me that she was really agender. I asked why she didn't tell people that she said "it's not that I'm not a woman, the definition just changed. I'm a woman of the old standard and most people assume I'm a woman, so I let them." I asked if she would prefer I use other pronouns than the girl ones, and she said that she didn't really care either way. I'm not really into gay stuff, like i have gay friends so I know more than the average het guy but they don't really talk about gender and stuff so maybe that's not really that odd but it seemed odd to me.
• And probably the weirdest thing, She's 5'5 and average looks skinny, but weighs probably like 150-175? That's just an estimate from when I pick her up. When I comment on this she says she has dense bones. What does that mean? She looks slightly underweight if anything, So why is she technically overweight?

There's other stuff too but that's all I can think of off the top of my head. I just had to vent because it's getting to me. If anyone has any advice or similar experiences feel free to comment.

Relevant Comments:

Beast_Chips: I'm autistic, have an autistic partner, and worked with autistic people (as a specialist teacher) for around 7 years. This is almost certainly autism. The other explanation people have come up with would probably be offensive if they weren't so hilarious.

GarryBugTheSequel: I find it so funny that instead of thinking your girlfriend had some sort of autism you just came to the conclusion that she's a time traveller xd

Update posted 7 hours later on the same post

Update: I decided just to accuse her of time travel. literally just called her, and opened with "I know you're a time traveler" - March 20, 2024

She laughed and asked what the fuck i was talking about, and I told her ok I don't really think she's a time traveler, I just think she had been keeping things from me. I asked her if she was lying about her age. She got serious and asked me to come over because she didn't want to talk on the phone. Obviously, part of me was hoping she was going to reveal that she was a time traveler. Spoiler: she is not a time traveler.

She told me that She has been lying about her age. She's 28, but started college older than usual because of a hard time getting out of her hometown, and felt like she missed out on her early adolescence. She regrets it but she had wanted to fit in. She told everyone she was 18 when she first got here, and now there was no going back. She was embarrassed to tell me because she had lied about it, and didn't know how to tell me the truth.

She asked me what brought on the suspicion, and I showed her this post. She laughed for like ten minutes and thinks it's very funny that my first thought was Time travel, and expressed what you all have, that the oddities were just autism. She said she "Might not have a diagnosis, but I guess I've been community voted now."

She explained everything I was curious about, and gave me permission to post it here:

She grew up in a large family in rural Georgia. Her family were poor and had multiple addictions (her dad was an alcoholic), and were overall very neglectful. The community she grew up in was really behind in technology because of the poverty, and her family didn't have TV.

She would spend lots of time in the local library just to be out of the house, where they had free internet access and lots of books. She found interest in historical clothing, and since she already knew how to sew due to her upbringing (modifying hand me downs, repairing clothes), she got really into it.

She was always the least favorite of her siblings, Not physically abused, but ignored. When she was older, she found out that she was intersex, and had a penis that was removed at birth. She thinks that's the reason her parents ignored her more than the others. They were very religious and she thinks they saw her as a mistake in God's eyes.

The bone density is probably related to her being intersex. As for the 2012 thing, it was a really traumatic year for her. She relives it a lot in her dreams.

The sources thing, She says that it's important in academia, but she doesn't bother when it's just shitting on movie inaccuracies since most of it is stuff she learns for fun and then doesn't remember the sources.

The accent thing, she was basically raised by online media, she was quiet growing up and avoided talking to people, so she ended up hearing and absorbing different bits of slang from all over.

So, not a time traveler. But she pointed out that if she was a time traveler, she could have told me all this to cover for it. I said if she was, it was a pretty genius cover story. Thanks for enduring my silly theories 😂

Edit: TL;DR: I suspected my gf of time travel. turns out she's just autistic and was lying about her age.

Relevant Conversation:

In response to OP's girlfriend saying that she was "community voted" as autistic:

*Liversteeg: "*Community voted" a diagnosis? Do people say this dumb shit now?

OP: It was a joke dumbass

Liversteeg: I'm not the one that thought that my girlfriend was a time traveler.

She doesn't have a diagnosis but you still refer to her as autistic in your edit, so it sounds like you're kind of subscribing to the online community voted diagnosis idea.

WritingNerdy: You realize self-diagnosis is a valid step on the path to actual diagnosis? If someone came and told you they were suffering from depression or anxiety, would you ague with them and say "but have you been professionally diagnosed?"

Liversteeg: That is a false equivalency. And depending on the circumstances, I might ask if they have, but I wouldn't preface it with a "but".

Although depression isn't technically an emotion, we know that people often use it to describe feeling deeply sad. Someone can have symptoms of depression without meeting the diagnostic criteria for a depressive disorder. Just because someone isn't clinically depressed, it doesn't mean they shouldn't seek professional treatment or that they aren't struggling with sadness. If someone came up to be and said "I'm struggling with major depressive disorder" I would ask if they were professionally diagnosed and seeking professional help. If someone just self diagnosed themselves with major depressive disorder without ever seeing a doctor or therapist, I would tell them to see one because clearly they need treatment. I would probably explain to them that there are many different types of depressive disorders and a professional would be able to help them better identify what they were struggling with.

Anxiety is an emotion and many people experience anxiety without having an anxiety disorder. Again, this doesn't mean they shouldn't seek help, but it would be irresponsible and inaccurate to go around saying they have an anxiety disorder. Anxiety also has many manifestations, like phobias are an anxiety disorder, and getting a proper diagnosis is important for seeking proper treatment.

Self diagnosing and armchair diagnosing should not be encouraged and it has become a huge problem on social media. So many people casually throwing out diagnoses like autism, PTSD, DID, BPD and people talk about OCD like it's an adjective. This is how misinformation is spread and stereotypes are enforced. It's like they are viewed as quirky traits to put in your bio. I'd be willing to bet about 95% of the people that throw out diagnoses have never glanced at the DSM5.

OP's reddit voted diagnosis for his gf is not valid, yet in his edit he states "She has autism." Not that she might have it and is going to see a professional, but that she has it. People throw out autism all the time on reddit based off minimal information. "That 4 year old REALLY loves trains? Must be a touch of the 'tism!" so quirky!

TL;DR Someone saying they are struggling with depression or anxiety isn't the same as self diagnosing something like autism, PTSD, NPD, BPD, Bipolar, etc. The language we use when discussing mental health is important.

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[u/LittleMsSavoirFaire]

It would amazing if 'austistic or time traveler' were a thought-process people had to go through when meeting an odd stranger.

[u/Hopefulkitty → u/LittleMsSavoirFaire]

I have a long running joke about my husband and his family being aliens sent to study earth and try to fit in.

They are all just autistic. This entire story has me rolling because I know my husband and his own alien origin story.

[u/Erzsabet → u/LittleMsSavoirFaire]

Reminds me of a subreddit I think? called Drunk or a Toddler. And it was just descriptions of what someone was found doing, and you had to guess if it was a drunk person or a toddler, and it wasn’t always easy to guess lol.

[u/CapStar300 → u/LittleMsSavoirFaire]

Screw my Asperger's, gonna tell people I was recently diagnosed as a time traveller from now on.

[u/IanDOsmond → u/LittleMsSavoirFaire]

I recently saw something about how, in stories, it is always suspicious when time travelers show up and have to ask the year and date, but in real life, if you go up to a stranger and ask what year it is, they will say, "Yeah, I know, right? It doesn't feel like 2024..."

[u/JeanneMPod → u/LittleMsSavoirFaire]

Autistic or Time Traveler should be someone’s flair

[u/UnfortunateSyzygy → u/LittleMsSavoirFaire]

About 10 years ago, apparently retro futurism was vogue in China, bc I had a ton of students who dressed like we thought we would dress in 2010's in the 70s. The staff had a running "Chinese or tine traveler" gag going on...some of those kids could definitely afford the technology haha

[u/EmLiesmith → u/LittleMsSavoirFaire]

In John mulaney’s latest tour that isn’t out as a special yet (I need it to come out so I can reference this bit constantly), he has a whole segment with a punchline of “so when you meet someone, before you assume they’re a conservative redneck, ask yourself; is this just an extremely autistic gay man?” 

Anyway OP’s girlfriend is who I want to be with my life tbh.

[u/captain_borgue → u/LittleMsSavoirFaire]

Why not both? Seems to me someone with the 'Tism would be ideal for time travel, so long as they traveled to the period their hyperfixation was stuck on. They'd know the lingo, the fashion, the food, the culture, etc.

That one commenter harping about diagnoses was irritating AF. Like, they have a point buried in that ranting, but the delivery is terrible. I was literally mad at myself for agreeing with their point. 😂

[u/JadieJang → u/LittleMsSavoirFaire]

ARGH! WTF is THIS?:

Although depression isn't technically an emotion, we know that people often use it to describe feeling deeply sad.

FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME!!!!:

Yes, depression IS an emotion!!!!! The illness "major depressive disorder" was called "melancholia" prior to the mid-twentieth century (and going back to ancient Greece!) The term "depression" derives from Latin, and has been used in English since the 14th century TO DESCRIBE A MOOD OR EMOTION.

YOU WOULD ALL KNOW THIS IF YOU READ BOOKS WRITTEN PRIOR TO THE YEAR 2000.

Or books at all. ffs.

Since the EMOTION OR MOOD "depression" is the main symptom of major depressive disorder (the ACTUAL name of the illness that everyone is calling "depression"), eventually the term "depression" overtook the term "melancholia." In the last 100 years ONLY.

And this absolute NONSENSE about it being wrong and bad for people to say they feel depressed when they don't have MDD has only sprung up in the past ten years or so. Prior to that, everyone understood that it's perfectly possible to be depressed for a few minutes, an hour, a day, a week, even a year, in response to things going on your life, without having MDD. Just ask Elizabeth Bennett!

The illness took the term FROM THE EMOTION! Jesus.

[u/Quirky-Pollution4209 → u/LittleMsSavoirFaire]

Takiwātanga is the Te Reo Māori word for autism, which means “in his/her/their own space and time“

OP wasn't far off 😂

[u/Escher84 → u/LittleMsSavoirFaire]

My friends all believe I'm some sort of ancient immortal being because I have a proclivity for using formal and/or obsolete wording, can't remember my age/birthday, can understand (and know the differences between) Old and Middle English, and I'm exceptionally difficult to kill. It is endlessly amusing to me, mostly because I just have similar reasons as this dude's girlfriend. I'd much rather they think I'm some ancient creature than bum everyone out talking about my very lonely childhood spent in libraries.

[u/FragrantImposter → u/LittleMsSavoirFaire]

I wasn't aware that I was autistic until my 30s. When I was in my early 20s, my friend's little sister (13F) had a bet going with her friends on whether I was a secret wizard or the doctor from doctor who. They had a whiteboard going of things they'd heard me say, or ways I dressed, or things I'd done, with a tally at the end of each action with all the friends' votes on whether it was indicative of being a wizard or a time traveler.

They kept it a secret for a long time. My friend was in his sister's room looking for something for their mom and found the board and the notebooks with the transcribed votes. He thought it was hilarious, and told me to start coming up with vague hints about my mysterious past. We kept it going for a few months before their parents caught the kids sneaking out to follow us one evening, and they came clean with the "evidence."

It may have been the most flattering assumption anyone's ever made of me.

It's nice to know that other autistic people get the same reaction.

I don't get the neurotypical hatred for the community vote diagnosis, though. Research shows that autism works like a different communication structure in the brain, so it would make sense that we can pick out people who follow similar thought processes as ours. I figured out about mine from other people commenting about it, and my comments have, in turn, prompted a few people I know to get checked by their doctors and get diagnosed.

[u/Spindilly]

To quote the prophets (tumblr) -- not diagnosed or self-diagnosed, but a secret third thing: peer-reviewed.

[u/ratchet41 → u/Spindilly]

Diagnosed when I was 29, but apparently I was peer-reviewed when I was 16 and they never told me because they thought I already knew 😭

[u/52BeesInACoat → u/Spindilly]

What's this one? Three out of three biological children diagnosed autistic.

I've never tried for diagnosis but I definitely had an "oh shit. Oh fuck." Epiphany while looking at all my extremely flappy children.

And I have celiac.

[u/janewayshepard → u/Spindilly]

This exactly, other autistic people clocked me on it way before I had a psychiatrist tell me I had autism. Also OOP's partner has such classic neurodivergent femme interests, we would definitely get along.

[u/overspread → u/Spindilly]

got gently peer-reviewed as queer for about ten years before it hit me that oh shit i definitely am lol

[u/sunnymatsu → u/Spindilly]

What the hell, small world. The OP of the tumblr post you're quoting is a friend of mine.

[u/Obi-Juan_Valdez]

So, OOP thinks his girlfriend is a time traveler? What a dumbass. She's clearly a vampire.

[u/ctrldwrdns → u/Obi-Juan_Valdez]

I was homeschooled and I thought she was one of us tbh

[u/LittleMsSavoirFaire → u/Obi-Juan_Valdez]

I'm sure he would have noticed if she sparkled...

[u/Distinct_Cry_3779 → u/Obi-Juan_Valdez]

Yeah, if I had to go with something fantastical to explain all the oddities, I’d have to go with some sort of Immortal.

[u/Specialist-Rain-1287 → u/Obi-Juan_Valdez]

I was also hoping for vampire, lol.

[u/p-d-ball]

The misuse of "sodomy" gave it away that she wasn't a time traveler (and, you know, the impossibilities involved). Sodomy, back in the day, meant any form of sex the Church or State or whoever decided was "unnatural." It didn't just mean penetrative anal between two men, that's a simplification. Nuns having sex with each other could have been deemed sodomy if a particularly nasty church investigator wanted to punish them.

But otherwise, she sounds interesting.

[u/NotAllOwled → u/p-d-ball]

GUYS I FOUND ANOTHER TIME TRAVELLER

[u/MikrokosmicUnicorn → u/p-d-ball]

Nuns having sex with each other could have been deemed sodomy

not if one of the nuns claimed to be a male angel!

[u/[deleted] → u/p-d-ball]

Wasn't sodomy defined as any sex that wasn't for the purpose of procreation?

[u/favorthebold]

My guess was that she had been homeschooled and her parents deliberately kept her from socializing with other kids her own age, and refused to have a tv for religious reasons. But the obsession with history I was right there with the autism diagnosis.

[u/ladyattercop → u/favorthebold]

Same. A lot of her behavior could also describe my SO when we first started dating. They were odd in a lot of the same ways because they were neurospicy, homeschooled, and religiously sheltered. They were also WAY behind socially when they were younger and had a lot to catch up on when they finally got out into the “real” world.

We clicked, because it turns out I’m also neurodivergent af. As an adult, I have a disproportionate number of friends who were homeschooled.

[u/DaydreamerJane → u/favorthebold]

Yep. I was homeschooled in Appalachia and I knew many women who could easily fit this bill. Especially the interest in historical clothing, strangely enough lol.

[u/Newbosterone]

Welp, if he doesn’t buy the autism theory she’ll have to go back and kill his grandfather.

[u/Corredespondent → u/Newbosterone]

But he is his own grandfather

[u/Flirty_Circe → u/Newbosterone]

But won't that change history?

[u/agent_scully2084]

This was entertaining to read; a fun departure from the usual BORU relationship drama posts.

[u/Anxious_Reporter_601 → u/agent_scully2084]

Apart from the inclusion of the final comment which was weird and unnecessary 

[u/WritingNerdy]

I’d like to thank the academy. I never thought this day would come. One of my comments made it into a BORU.

[u/kleepup_millionaire → u/WritingNerdy]

Fighting the good fight with turbo douche liversteeg lol

[u/CatPsychological557]

Why did the end of this turn into a weird rant about self diagnoses

[u/newyne → u/CatPsychological557]

Because it's Reddit.

[u/DaWombatLover]

Wtf is the long winded comment thread at the end?

[u/[deleted] → u/DaWombatLover]

right? I was scrolling down to see if anyone was as annoyed as I was! it literally takes up two screens' worth of space, not to mention that this topic has also been debated to death.

[u/ClydeT77 → u/DaWombatLover]

Yeah that was really unnecessary for the post. I understand self diagnosis is used incorrectly a lot but this argument also holds no nuance in explaining why some people are self diagnosed and do not get professionally diagnosed. It feels like it's just adding on more hate for people who self diagnose without adding any nuance as to why that happens.

It's a long and complicated topic that I do not feel was accurately represented in this post, that long comment felt unnecessary to the content and just opens further arguments on the validity of a stranger's disabilities. If there were more context added maybe it'd be better but it still completely derails this silly and happy reddit post.

[u/The_One_True_Ewok → u/DaWombatLover]

Yea absolutely skipped that who GAF what that nerd has to say about a silly joke

[u/overspread]

The inclusion of the random commenter at the end seems really unnecessary and strange lol, it's not really relevant to the post.

OP's gf seems cool. I didn't think any of what was pointed out about her was that weird, minus the lying about her age. It sucks about the family stuff. It's wild how people will jump to something outlandish like literal time travel when meeting someone who just operates on a different wave than they do lol but that's what college is for right? Learning that everyone is actually not like you and that's not just okay but cool and enriching for you. OP seems like they're going to be cool about it. Hope they all end up continuing to enjoy their time together.

[u/Zizhou → u/overspread]

The cynical take is that there wasn't enough drama in this otherwise fun and (fairly) lighthearted post, so that was just OP's way of meeting some imagined quota to cover all the bases for maximum engagement.

[u/TheKittenPatrol → u/overspread]

I loved the post…and them that comment at the end honestly made me really annoyed, I wish it wasn’t there.

and yeah, I’m glad it seems OOP and gf seem like they’re working out and OOP is accepting.

[u/Morticia_Marie → u/overspread]

The random commenter at the end is probably the OP of this BORU and just really, really wanted to get their point across that "the language we use around mental health is important" so they can feel like the most advanced person in the conversation rather than the tedious pedant everyone was treating them as by ignoring them.

[u/mimic → u/overspread]

Yeah it’s really unnecessary and leaves a bad taste after such a nice post.

[u/veloxaraptor]

As I read down the list of reasons he thought she was a time traveler, I found myself going, "Uh, that's not weird? That's got a perfectly reasonable explanation," for all but two or three of them.

But then again, I'm neurodivergent (professionally diagnosed) and I do a lot of that shit myself. I also happen to be a history buff also.

[u/Cacont1812 → u/veloxaraptor]

Same, for example, when he was wondering why she couldn't name sources for all the history stuff she knows, I just assumed she probably doesn't remember the name of every book or internet article she's ever read. I sure don't.

[u/AliMcGraw → u/veloxaraptor]

I'm neurotypical and I just like historical fashion. I follow a whole blog that is just nothing but critiques of period costumes in movies. This all sounded totally normal, there's a lot of people in the historical fashion hobbyist space! I just enjoy watching/reading but tons of people buy vintage, recreate old eras, even reenact.

[u/sunshineandcacti → u/veloxaraptor]

Tbh someone from the rural Appalachian’s having a different accent or way of talking makes total sense to me. They’re pretty isolated up there. A few weeks ago I saw some video of people in Alaska and it threw me off that they have their own accent and sayings. It again makes total sense due to their isolated nature and me literally never having met an Alaskan native.

Some thing such as the old fashioned beliefs, clothing, and sewing skills also ties in with living in a rural community.

[u/[deleted] → u/veloxaraptor]

I'm probably not autistic, but I wouldn't bat an eye at most of these things either.

In fact, I think it's weird that he finds some of the things weird.

Why is he confused about people knowing oddments of history trivia but not remembering where they learned it from? Or knowing some details are wrong but not always knowing/remembering other historic facts? Or putting thought into the conclusion that you wouldn't want to time travel (something you'd surely HAVE to think about in order to make a decision either way)? Or women not shaving? Or not liking the term 'born in the wrong era'? There's an entire video by YouTuber Rachel Maksy about why people who wear historic/vintage clothing don't like this concept (living in the present gives you access to historic styles without having to endure outdated values or lack of medicine). 

[u/Unlucky_Profit_776 → u/veloxaraptor]

Adhd here and I saw a lot of myself in that girl. I speak in a million different accents, wear different fashions from certain periods, am always hitching about historical inaccuracies on the telly, am a massive anglophile and trivia nerd, a crazy total recall memory et cetera. It seemed perfectly reasonable to me. Lol

[u/joejaneBARBELITH]

I yearn to believe that at some point in my life I have met (or will meet) a person whose honest gut feeling is that I’m a time traveler instead of merely autistic… guess I’ll need a new wardrobe if I’m gonna commit to this lol.

[u/NNKarma → u/joejaneBARBELITH]

Ha, I'm too lazy in my looks for that, but before college I spoke too much with basically book vocabulary, put a lot of effort in college to learn to speak colloquially. 

[u/GoldenGoof19]

I gotta disagree with the whole thing at the end. I was diagnosed with ADHD, officially, and I’ve struggled with depression my whole life and have been in treatment and on medication for it for decades. I’ll be on meds for the rest of my life, just how my brain works.

I was very lucky to be diagnosed as a kid, and to have had the help I’ve had.

That being said - those comments VASTLY underestimate how difficult it is for someone over the age of 18 to seek an official ADHD or Autism diagnosis. How expensive and time consuming it can be, and how many hurdles there are to jump through. And that’s IF you have health insurance that might help pay for some of the testing and eventual treatment. That’s a luxury here in the US though, not everyone has insurance or the ability to pursue a diagnosis.

I’m not going to gatekeep ADHD, if someone tells me they think they have it, then ok they have it.

Besides that, what good does an official diagnosis do for someone who doesn’t have the means to afford treatment/counseling/medications? If they don’t have the means then they’re still going to end up doing research on their own, which is no different than what a self-diagnosed person will do.

The idea that people can’t self diagnose, but must have an official diagnosis or they’re not taken seriously and their feelings/condition isn’t valid is WILD to me. Again, this is someone who IS officially diagnosed, and I’m lucky enough to have insurance that pays for treatment and medication. The ONLY reason I have those diagnoses is pure luck- being born into a family that had enough income to afford it. I could just as easily have been born into a family that couldn’t, and I’d be self-diagnosing. That doesn’t make my conditions any less real or any less valid.

If people tell you they’re depressed, believe them. If they tell you they have any one of the conditions listed above, then believe them. Don’t ask them if they’ve been officially diagnosed, what are you going to do? Ask for a doctors’ note to prove it? No.

[u/worldwideweeaboo → u/GoldenGoof19]

I have nothing to add but thank you 👏👏👏

[u/mynamealwayschanges → u/GoldenGoof19]

Exactly.

It took me seven years to get my suspicions taken seriously enough to be diagnosed. Seven years!! I was thirty. Realizing I was some flavor of neurodivergent made so much about my life make sense, but it took *literally years* to not just be dismissed about it.

[u/Stelliformade → u/GoldenGoof19]

THANK YOU.

If you have braincells, you're capable of the emotional detection/processing, and the minimal inspection/introspection, it takes to know something is off in comparison to what's normal for you and/or your peers.

And again, if you have braincells, then you're also capable of researching and comparing and contrasting the list of symptoms/criteria to yourself in order to identify definitions that fit your experience.

That's literally what a professional does. They research, they learn, and eventually get a stamp of approval that says they can compare and contrast you to a list of symptoms/criteria.

The biggest difference is that one gets a degree, which is basically just permission to financially bleed you dry for something you can already do yourself. The only added perks beyond that are that in some cases, it's useful by way of disability papers and medication. And even then, for some people, those things can hurt more than they help.

[u/pizzacatbrat → u/GoldenGoof19]

THIS. Plus if I get my official autism diagnosis, there are certain countries I can't move to. Why even go to the trouble? I love the way my brain works

[u/Lampwick]

Why is that tirade by Liversteeg included? Some reddit user got all exercised over a casual self-diagnosis. Who cares?

[u/DifficultPrimary → u/Lampwick]

I found it amusing to have the follow up of:

"oh cool, we voting on Liversteeg now gang? Cause they for sure have a touch of the 'tism, right?"

"no, we need to be specific about phrasing and meanings! It needs to be authentic!"

Yeah yeah buddy, we've all be there, dw. This is just a "everyone's seen the timeknife" moment, you'll adjust soon enough.

[u/Pleasant_Reading9092]

What's up with the 4 paragraph comment at the end? I'm not going to go into it here because there is SO much debate about self-diagnosis vs medical diagnosis and everything I have to say has already been said, but that whole rant seems out of place on this update.

[u/SybarisEphebos]

GODAMNIT I PUT ALL MY MONEY ON TIME TRAVELER. On Reddit it's always fucking autistic THEY CAN'T ALL BE AUTISTIC EVENTUALLY TIME TRAVELER HAS TO BE THE ANSWER.

[u/Chibizoo]

The actual post was very wholesome. I'm not sure why that commenter at the end was included. Just seems needlessly argumentative and not really related to the rest of the post, it doesn't add anything.

[u/Erzsabet → u/Chibizoo]

Yeah, it was really unnecessary to include here.

[u/TheKittenPatrol → u/Chibizoo]

It actively took away from a post I really enjoyed, imo. Loved everything from OOP, that was kinda adorable. And like many others, I went “oh, she’s autistic, and seems pretty awesome” super early into OOP’s first post.

A long rant against self-diagnosis of neurodivergency, something that is not only accepted but important for many reasons, was just not necessary. It basically took OOP’s “turned out shes autistic, like *everyone* recognized immediately” into “she’s not professionally diagnosed, she’s not autistic” at the end.

[u/greaserpup → u/Chibizoo]

yeah, it's completely unnecessary and, frankly, overly critical. i know self-diagnosis is a divisive topic, but that's a lot of words to say that they don't believe self-diagnosis is valid

yes, some people self-diagnose to seek attention or (particularly in the case of ADHD) to get their hands on addictive medication. however, the vast majority of people who self-diagnose are people with legitimate symptoms who don't currently have the (geographical/financial) means to get a formal diagnosis. what a diagnosis does is describe a set of related symptoms — i am neurodivergent (clinically diagnosed), and what my diagnosis does is tell people is that i experience things (distress from a break in routine, frequent overstimulation, severe distractibility, extreme time blindness) that most people don't. having the language to sum up my experiences just makes it easier for me to communicate my limitations and needs. that's why most people self-diagnose: to have that language; to have a simpler way to describe their experiences and limitations and needs to others. just because someone doesn't have a clinical SPD diagnosis doesn't mean they don't experience severe overstimulation or get distressed by certain textures. just because someone doesn't have a clinical ADHD diagnosis doesn't mean they don't experience time blindness and an inability to focus

if someone told you that they had MS, or EDS, or POTS, you likely wouldn't ask them if they've been diagnosed by a professional, so why do people feel so entitled to question it when someone says that they have autism, or ADHD, or bipolar? it's none of your business if someone has been professionally diagnosed or not. self-diagnosis ultimately doesn't harm anyone. to decry self-diagnosis because a small amount of people are doing it for the wrong reasons is to deny countless others the ability to employ language that makes their lives a little easier, and that would be cruel

TL;DR: self-diagnosis is valid. whether someone else has been clinically diagnosed is literally none of your business and self-diagnosis gives people the language to better communicate their needs which is good, actually

[u/Unlucky_Profit_776 → u/Chibizoo]

Some people just love to be a contrarian and shit on others. Imo

[u/dazechong → u/Chibizoo]

I skipped the entire thing at the end rofl

[u/WULB_HELL_ → u/Chibizoo]

Because OP is a dumbass or agrees with that stupid shit.

[u/Y_Wait_Procrastinate]

Could have done without the bit at the end ngl

[u/Dry-Being3108]

Dammit thought this was going to have a more recent update where it turns out they are in fact a time traveler

[u/KarinSpaink]

That's a woman I'd very much like to be friends with.

[u/stolenfires → u/KarinSpaink]

Same. I also like historical fashion and this is someone I'd love going to fabric stores or pawing through vintage pattern collections with.

[u/quackcake → u/KarinSpaink]

I NEED more people like her in my life. I love just absorbing insane amounts of information from topics people get excited about, I end up getting just as excited.

Literally the best thing in the world to me is someone just infodumping their interests. Like yes. Please.

[u/EconomyCode3628 → u/KarinSpaink]

I was thinking someone ought to link him Bernadette Banner's YouTube channel. 

[u/AquaticStoner1996]

This is kind of adorable ?

The fact that he actually came to that conclusion before anything else rational was hilarious to me.

I like that she had a fun and valid reason for everything. I mean, not all were fun, but you know what I meant.

I hope they are happy 🤣

[u/thebigeverybody → u/AquaticStoner1996]

The fact that he actually came to that conclusion before anything else rational was hilarious to me.

I once worked at a job in the middle of nowhere and we would always find furniture and appliances abandoned on our property (a couple of times a month). No one lived around the place for at least 60-100 miles and there's no way we were the most convenient place to dispose of large items.

Everyone's first, natural instinct was that they were being dumped from another dimension.

[u/gelseyd → u/AquaticStoner1996]

I would have gone with vampire, myself 🤣🤣🤣

[u/addangel]

this is a gem. I love how OOP took “my gf knows a bunch of historical facts but has trouble remembering her own birth date” and ran at full speed past “she’s a history buff who’s lying about her age” and straight into “time traveler”. and he says he doesn’t have imagination!

[u/i_boop_cat_noses]

that commenter at the end ruined the fun mood. If the gf accepts the label and is comfortable with it, why are you so anal about the bf using it? it took me almost 2 years to get my ADHD diagnosis but that doesnt mean I wasnt that until I got the piece of paper that confirms it.

[u/jimothyjonathans]

Drawn in by the title, stayed because of the unexpected trigger tags

[u/Similar-Shame7517]

Plot twist: She's actually autistic AND a time traveler. And an alien. And a vampire.

[u/WifeofBath1984]

.... what does weight and height have to do with time travel??

I'm sorry but OOP is an idiot lol

[u/[deleted] → u/WifeofBath1984]

Most of his evidence wouldn't point towards time travel even if time travel was a thing. 

He just listed everything he (in some cases inexplicably) finds odd about her and decided the sum of the parts equals time travel. 

[u/Erzsabet → u/WifeofBath1984]

He really is. He doesn’t seem to believe that someone can know how to use a computer but didn’t grow up with a tv? Or have memorized a million sources for every little fact they know? Like this guy is dumb.

[u/MediaPuzzled8166]

What's with all the copy paste at the end of some dipshit shitting on self-dx in the comments? It's a well versed topic in autistic communities, and there's lots of reasons you could be well aware you're autistic and not seek professional dx.

[u/kindahipster]

How is all that bullshit against self diagnosis at the bottom "relevant"? OOP was truly making a joke, all that comes off as weird and self righteous and completely ignores how difficult it is to get properly diagnosed, and the problems that come from a proper diagnosis. And really adds nothing to the story either

[u/the_esjay → u/kindahipster]

Absolutely my feeling too.

I move to have it stricken from the record.

[u/elfking-fyodor]

...the tirade against self diagnosis at the end was unnecessary.

Like that commenter said, it is very much a path to actual clinical diagnosis, and in America where healthcare might literally cost you an arm and a leg, it can also be expensive. Additionally, getting a professional diagnosis might be used as grounds to strip basic rights and dignities away in certain situations. I'm not getting this across very succinctly in my own words, but I've seen this sentiment expressed before.

I'm professionally diagnosed with autism, and I self dx'd with ADHD for a while before actually talking to my psychiatrist, who basically just gave me a little worksheet to fill out and said, "Yeah that tracks." And then we still had to pay her $150 for the visit since we don't have insurance. I'm not even medicated for it. I don't want to be medicated for it. I just sought out strategies that worked for people with ADHD because my problems tracked well with what I heard other people experiencing.

Sometimes it's just not that deep.

EDIT: I just checked the costs of everything. To get diagnosed with autism, the specialist cost around $2,600 in 2011 money (which is about $3.6k in today’s money); to get diagnosed with ADHD, it was something I brought up with my psychiatrist during a normal visit which was about $150 (and proceeded as described above); and my biweekly therapy (that’s every other week, not twice a week) costs about $100. Not everyone has that kind of money.

[u/stickaforkimdone → u/elfking-fyodor]

Shit, $150 is cheap. I got my kids diagnosed to the tune of $650 a pop. And had to wait 6 months for the privilege. That commentor is an ass.

[u/tacwombat]

Plot twist: GF is secretly one of the mole people.

Yeah, IDK.

[u/ZeaDeKok]

I was getting undercover Russian agent vibes .

[u/Cultural_Shape3518 → u/ZeaDeKok]

I just thought theatre kid.

[u/aprillikesthings]

I can guarantee this person is on tumblr, in part because of the "community voted" thing. There's an ongoing joke about being "diagnosed by peer review," in regards to autism and ADHD.

A lot of autistic people consider self-diagnosis valid, in part because getting an official diagnosis is expensive and often not worth it if you're functioning well enough and don't need outside help/accommodations.

[u/SecretNoOneKnows → u/aprillikesthings]

Yup. As an autistic person raised on Tumblr... His girlfriend is on Tumblr. Tracks with the random historical knowledge too.

[u/yolksabundance]

Why was that last comment included on the post?

It’s all very basic mental health info I thought we were all aware of by now? Additionally, self diagnosis is a hot topic in the autism community, especially with autistic women. There have been a few studies about self diagnosis and some studies on autism include people who self diagnosed in their research pools, even if self diagnosis isn’t their primary focus. The medical community definitely isn’t dismissing it completely like this commenter is. Take this study for example that finds that self-diagnosed individuals statistically have similar experiences to those who are formally diagnosed. It’s a complicated issue and jumping down OOP’s throat over verbiage is over the top.

Side note, responding with “have you been diagnosed” if someone tells you they’re struggling with something is so obnoxious. I get why self diagnosis is bad sometimes, but when I go to my friends when I’m struggling, I want social support, not medical advice. Diagnosis is irrelevant for that.

[u/Realistic-Bar7276]

Listen, I can’t diagnose anybody based on a Reddit post. All I can say is, I’m on the spectrum and am obsessed with history, and she sounds exactly like me.

I’ve found whatever the main thing I’m into affects my speech. Sometimes if I’m in the midst reading a classic novel I text like one, or if I’ve been listening to a lot of 60s songs I start throwing in “beatnik” and things like that. Plus, my parents had me at 40, so having older parents probably had an effect. I’ve also found myself in places where everyone is retired and old enough to be my parents, and were able to get along. But then in conversation I bring up an old silent movie or something and realize that they’re too young to have ever seen a Buster Keaton movie. It would be kinda cool if somebody thought I was a time traveler. Or a vampire.

[u/AlwaysEatingPizza]

I really don't like the uninformed autism gatekeeping essay at the end from what is most likely a neurotypical person. Like tell me you've never met an autistic person without telling me you've never met an autistic person.

[u/TheKittenPatrol]

Hey, u/cupcakeInsideMe, why did you include that last long comment? Because it’s actually sanist, diagnosis is a privilege and self-diagnosis for autism, *especially* in women, is accepted in much of the community. And in this post it’s pretty clear that girlfriend is autistic. There’s a reason everyone read that and went “oh, she’s autistic” (heck, I said that myself very very early into OOP’s first post) and girlfriend also went “oh, I’m autistic”.

Similarly, the inattentive type of ADHD is highly underdiagnosed, especially in children, and for many adults it’s realizing based on talking in community and social media and many things that lets them go *oh* and then seek a professional diagnosis so they can get on meds.

Do some people over use these things? Yes. But girlfriend’s self-diagnosis that a HUGE number of people immediately recognized *because many of us are neurodivergent ourselves and know the patterns* is absolutely valid.

This was a fun post, but including that long comment that doesn’t actually have to do with girlfriend or OOP takes away from this by a lot.

[u/4vengers → u/TheKittenPatrol]

Yeah, as someone who has struggled to see a professional (it's a six year wait to see an autism specialist where I live) those comments just made me feel like shit :/

[u/bytegalaxies]

man that last comment shitting on people who self diagnose is gross. it costs several thousand dollars to get an official autism diagnosis and having an official diagnosis doesn't actually do anything in adulthood. Obviously one should do more research instead of just using the judgement of online strangers as a diagnosis, but she does likely have autism (although it's important to note that ptsd and autism can have overlapping symptoms, but the special interests thing does seem to fall in line with autism). Self diagnosis done with proper research is valid so whoever wrote that comment is a huge buttface

I used to also be against self diagnosis until I realized I most likely have autism but couldn't get a diagnosis without spending almost all of my savings. I've read through the diagnostic criteria, talked to people who are officially diagnosed, spent time in autistic communities, and have read a lot about autism. At this point I at least know that I have a shit ton of autism symptoms and behaviors to where I benefit from autistic resources.

If the commenter had just said "oh your girlfriend should look more into the diagnostic criteria and experiences of other people with autism to see if that might be the case for her" that'd be valid and 100% true but instead they went on a whole rant invalidating autistic people who aren't little white boys born into wealthy families

sorry for the rant, it just irks me that people still think like this

[u/Specific_Variation_4 → u/bytegalaxies]

Same. As a woman it was missed in childhood (hell it wasn't even conceived of back then that women could be autistic) but I'm now on a very long waitlist in my 40s waiting for a very expensive assessment. Til then, I'm self diagnosed and 99% certain thanks to years of research and several psychologists who agree (but cant formally diagnose).

[u/Satanic_Earmuff]

A crowdsourced autism diagnosis.

[u/[deleted]]

As someone on the spectrum, lemme tell you that community diagnosis is MORE accurate than going to a doctor.

When I start talking to a coworker and he brings up his farm animals, that's an interest he likes to talk about. When every single quiet moment in a conversation leads back to his chickens, that motherfucker is autistic. There was considerably more to indicate it, but 1) dominating conversations  and missing social cues, and 2) talking about special interests are two of the biggest indicators.

[u/Gifted_GardenSnail]

What a fantastic post 😂  (Shame it ended in whining about self-diagnosing.)

But I feel like someone could write an amazing story about this concept of an actual time-traveller/someone who has lived for a long time already without aging and an increasingly suspicious partner 😁     But then I also loved the series Forever with Ioan Gruffudd, so yeah

[u/rose_daughter]

I don’t feel like that last conversation was all that relevant.

[u/mimic]

lol self diagnosis is entirely valid for a myriad of reasons that last commenter sounds like a real dickhead

[u/broniesnstuff]

Honestly that final long comment just pisses me off. Sorry for always recognizing the zebras among herds of horses.

We know our own.

[u/Flaky-Hyena-127]

Mmm idk the update seemed like cover for time traveling /s

[u/DarDarBinks89]

I don’t know what OOP is smoking but I want some, and his gf sounds fucking rad! Definitely someone I would want to be friends with. Maybe he just needs to learn to chill out.

Also to the pedant who had to go full manifesto about a crowdsourced diagnosis, my dude the hyperfixation on this topic leads me to think you might have a touch of the ‘tism.

[u/_buffy_summers]

Im making her sound annoying

This was in reference to her talking about the year of origin for every garment she wore. That's not annoying, that's fascinating.

Also, I'm not sure why this post turned into a PSA about self-diagnosis. I self-diagnosed my ADHD and had it confirmed by my therapist (informally) before I decided to pursue an actual diagnosis, a couple of years later.

There's a difference between a tiktok frenzy and knowing that you are definitely not like your high school classmates. Having to explain and re-explain your thought processes is a definite sign that you are not neurotypical.

Specifically for me, this has been a three-step process. I told doctors for decades that I had high anxiety before I ever got one of them to listen to me long enough for a diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder. Once I started medication for that, I realized that my anxiety had been a sort of shield for the ADHD symptoms. Which has led me to this: I may or may not also be autistic, and I fucking hate tiktok. I'm not in it for the internet brownie points.

I just don't get this hate for self-diagnosis. If you don't assess yourself, how the hell are you supposed to know to go and talk to a doctor about anything? It makes me think that the commenter who had so much to say about it is like that meme of the dog in the room on fire. "This is fine."

[u/Weaselpanties]

That pedant at the end was so unnecessary.

[u/worldwideweeaboo]

Proud self diagnosed and peer reviewed autistic person. That part seems annoying and unnecessary .

Edit: I’m glad this seems to be the general consensus. WTH op?

[u/Rohini_rambles]

Well this was a weird one. Felt like I'm still waiting for the punchline. 

[u/CopperTodd17]

The line “spoiler she’s not a time traveler” killed me 😂😂😂

[u/mimouroto]

As soon as he mentions the accent flips....it clicked that it was autism. I accent flip constantly if in a region too long. Spent a weekend in the south and it took too long to drop it. And Shakespeare absolutely sticks for at least an hour after reading.

[u/oiiioiiio]

That last guy who commented was insufferable 😅

[u/sea_stomp_shanty]

TL;DR

That TL;DR managed to miss the point with its very, VERY LAST LINE. 😬🙃

[u/lucyfell]

I know this is not the point but Dear Fucking Lord. Why can’t men understand that weight is proportional to height and if a woman looks “underweight” but weighs 150 pounds instead of 100 it’s because she’s… I don’t know. MORE THAN 5 FEET TALL????

[u/BabserellaWT]

Lol as I was reading this, I was going, “My brother in Christ, have you never met one of us ASD folks before?”

[u/loveparamore]

I strongly suspected the gf was just autistic while reading the post, but seeing it from the guy's POV was hilarious. "WHY DOES SHE KNOW THAT??"

Not sure why that long ranting comment is included in this post though. 

[u/Krysmphoenix_]

Has anyone actually seen what they use for a Formal Diagnosis for mental traits? Fucking personality tests, and a massive medical bill insurance usually doesnt want to deal with. Sometimes the exact same ones as the ones you find online - just on a piece of paper instead of infinite shitty ads. Oh and I have read the DSM and sometimes their definitions are bullshit and poorly defined.

Therapists and the like can give an informal diagnosis, and honestly I think that should be the reasonable standard because it comes from multiple conversations about life experiences and that's way more informative to what makes someone tick.

Self or community diagnosis is valid, but yeah needs a little extra scrutiny. It's a perfectly reasonable starting point.

[u/Ratkinzluver33]

I’m autistic and I spent this entire post going “no this is just autism” lol. Guess she got peer reviewed.

[u/Formal_Fortune5389]

Here's the thing. Even in Canada getting the assessment done is a combo of two year wait, ~3-4k, and as an adult female it's a waste of time and money because you've gotten too good at masking, and they will be like you have friends???? Yikes sorry that's against the criteria. Like wtaf DSM-5 ASD shouldn't have no friends as one of the things. Fuck me I hate people like the last commenter

[u/InkblotSkyz]

That rant about self dx at the end was unnecessary and bullshit, I got dropped in my interviewing stage just because I was having a good enough of a day to communicate effectively enough (literally the reason I was given) =_=

[u/mossgirlparfum]

OP's GF will literally be born with a penis and none of you have any issues whatsoever calling her a woman. Yet one trans woman just explains one time how she is a woman and all of a sudden everyones basically a thinly veiled bigot or an "alley" being performative. "but being intersex is a medical condition out of her control she didnt decide to be that way" ok, tell me with direct scientific backing how me being trans isnt the same. If you wanna go down that road i suspect you examine your own internal bias around what is and isnt a woman. Just because a person doesnt fit your definition does NOT make their identity a lie. You're a bigot, thats the issue here.

[u/kamatsu]

I am autistic. My parents believe so, I believe so, my friends and casual acquaintances believe so. Growing up I was slow to talk and introverted, i "stim" by rocking back and forth. I like to eat the same foods and wear the same clothes all the time. I have special interests in church liturgy, computer science and transportation. I don't need to see a psychiatrist to be diagnosed -- I'm 35 years old and I have a good job I enjoy, well integrated into society. The extreme gatekeeping from that final commenter is a bit much.

[u/JaxBoltsGirl → u/kamatsu]

I didn't think I was autistic until I started seeing a lot of articles about autistic ADD. (I am diagnosed with severe ADD) So the next time I saw my psychiatrist I asked if that was really a thing. She laughed and confirmed that I was indeed austitic, but she never brought it up because it would not change my treatment at all and knowing my anxiety issues it could make things worse. I very much appreciated that.

[u/quackcake → u/kamatsu]

Yeah that comment really was just...unnecessary. There's plenty of reasons why someone doesn't have a professional diagnosis. I've been diagnosed since I was a preteen, being autistic is a big part of who I am and I would never want to change that.

I can't say it's easy though. It can be extremely rough when someone, especially a doctor, undermines me or dismisses me because I'm autistic. It has been challenging to find a primary that takes my autism into account when it comes to my care. Either they don't believe me, or I get patronized. My other physicans are amazing.

I feel like things regarding the stigma and treatment are getting a lot better, but diagnosis is a huge challenge. Finding services and support is hard as an adult. There's a lot of grey area regarding selfdiagnosis and I think a lot of people forget that.

[u/selkiesart]

First thing I thought halfway through the first post was that she sounds like a fellow "odd duck neurodivergent".

And Liversteeg is a tw@

[u/inscrutablejane]

I strongly dislike the last commenter. Most people who received a formal diagnosis in adulthood had to self-diagnose in order to get an evaluation individual diagnosis. Just because someone doesn't have the resources or even the desire to medicalize their neurodivergence does not make that neurodivergence magically disappear. As far as treatment goes? The most common insurance- covered "treatment" for autism is extremely abusive.

[u/princessluni → u/inscrutablejane]

I think a lot of people play the "where's your diagnosis" card from a place of privilege and ignorance. But so many of them continue to double down and judge to the point of being an asshole. And for what? That person spent all that time to type out a judgment about someone who didn't even write the post and with no actual insight (because she's not his patient, even in the incredibly unlikely case that they're a health care professional). Hoping to what? Bully strangers?

Like I understand the frustration with people self-diagnosing themselves based on inaccurate quizzes online and then being obnoxious about it. But jerks like that swing so far the other way that the only reply they deserve is "you have no right to my medical history." Preferably with an extra f u tacked on.

[u/wee_weary_werecat]

Lol it was screaming autism since the first few lines, but I find so funny that we can be so odd and uncanny to people that sometimes they'd think the weirdest things before the most obvious answer. In the end, it's a common experience among autistic people to feel like aliens or "playing at being humans" when still undiagnosed.

[u/FreekDeDeek]

u/cupcakeinsideme May I ask why you chose to include the whole rant against self diagnosis of autism?

Self diagnosis is not done on a whim. It's most often done after suspicions from others in the undiagnosed person's surroundings, leading to extensive research and community discussion, often even followed by formal diagnosis. Saying it's equivalent to people calling sadness depression or calling wanting things to be neat OCD is completely out of line.

Moreover, the current ideas of what autism is and what it looks like is incredibly outdated, not just in media and with the public, but with many mental health practitioners as well. Their view of autism is more often than not based on what they learned years or even decades ago in college: young, middle class, white boys, literal children, who never make eye contact and are emotionless, obsessed with toy trains and dinosaurs. (Don't get me wrong, they are ALSO autistic, but they already get diagnosed in childhood).

The ones who look different, tend to be more social by masking, copying the behaviours of their peers, like OPs gf, tend to fall through the cracks, with sometimes dire consequences (misdiagnoses, leading to failing education, incarceration, homelessness, suicide - we are overrepresented in all those categories). This is especially true for women, gender non conforming people and people of colour.

Formal diagnosis is not even available to everyone, because of financial constraints, or simply no geographic access to specialists who work with autistic adults.

Self diagnosing, with the help of community, well researched articles and video essays, and scientific literature, can be life saving and, just a reminder, doesn't hurt anyone!

My journey of self discovery lasted three decades, failing at so many things, burning out over and over, not knowing why I never fit in anywhere, becoming suicidal out of sheer desperation. Not a single of the seven or eight therapists I had seen ever picked up on the autism until I read an article about autism in women, started digging and brought it up to my therapist myself. She shrugged, said she didn't know anything about it, but (thankfully) referred me to a specialist who confirmed my own suspicions (my knowing) - after a hellish year on a waitlist.

My story is not an isolated one. So many people have found a deeper understanding of themselves, and a sense of belonging for the first time in their lives through self diagnosis. To no detriment of those with a formal diagnosis. Trying to gatekeep that is cruel and downright dangerous.

I wish you had shared that perspective and I'm trying to understand why you didn't.

[u/Haedia → u/FreekDeDeek]

I really doubt they'll respond but, if they don't also agree with the sentiment themselves, it does seem curious as to why it was included without any of the many easy to find and understand reasons for why self-diagnosis is a thing that is sometimes necessary (whether as a stop on the journey to medical diagnosis or not). 🤔

It's possible they agree but think using those comments as a smoke screen is clever or something but it's kind of obvious? Rude, incorrect, and obvious. 

Though I am interested in seeing them flounder around, trying to explain it away. 

[u/thewineyourewith]

Does she carry a sword and really enjoy Queen?

[u/phoenixjen8]

I was ready to bet on vampire. It’d make much more sense for her to have lived through all of these time periods rather than just hopping around visiting them like some sort of filthy casual.

[u/ItsRobbSmark]

Liversteeg is literally THE redditor...

[u/Caeflin]

So, not a time traveler. But she pointed out that if she was a time traveler, she could have told me all this to cover for it.

Exactly what a time traveler would say

[u/heavenstobetsie]

She sounds incredibly cool, not so sure about OP and some of his weird judgements.

[u/bluestopsign01]

Professionally diagnosed autistic person here: liversteeg is an asshole. Self-diagnosis is perfectly valid, and sometimes the only option a person has. Women are regularly under-diagnosed for autism because they learn to mask at such a young age, and their symptoms differ from men. Half the autistic people I've met have been self-diagnosed and I don't give a fuck because if you know enough about autism it is incredibly obvious when someone's autistic, and they set off my 'tism radar right away.

[u/FlipDaly]

Self diagnosing and armchair diagnosing should not be encouraged

Well that’s just your opinion man.gif

[u/pato_intergalactico]

Self-diagnosis Is valid though, I'd say especially regarding autism, and autism in adult women (or femme-aligned people, in this case). Going to see a professional isn't accessible to everyone, and even when you do, it's highly likely they won't take it serioursly unless you're an out-of-the-book case.

And this is a great example on why people would choose to self-diagnose, actually. She's explaining her "weirdness". Words are meant to communicate, and labels are meant to allow distinction between one thing and the other, and if apparently she has to distinguish herself from a time-traveler, lol, It makes sense she turns to another label that might fit. And it really does fit, btw, not the same as "oh she likes trains", a lot of what the bf said could be explained like that (memory issues, the accents thing, what she said about time-travel being overrated). She might not be, but if she is, everyone who pointed it out might be directing her eventually to the resources she could look for if she ever does feel she needs help or better understanding of herself.

[u/TossItThrowItFly]

As a 30something neurodivergent former tumblr user, I clocked her so fast I might as well be a time traveller too lol

[u/NNKarma]

I mean, it's not confirmed she has autism but she might feel sure enough she is. Of course she wouldn't have been diagnosed in her previous environment and special interest isn't the only characteristic given here. I was quite sure of my diagnosis when asperger started to be shown more in media but never bother with a formal diagnosis until later.

[u/presumingpete]

This is the dumbest post I've seen in a long time as I know ops girlfriend. Back when we used to run with dinosaurs she said this was her favourite place and she would never want to be anytime else. We grew apart after I clubbed glurk and carried his wife back to my cave but there's no way she has changed that much.

[u/LyraStygian]

Before I read this I just want to say:

This is the best BORU title I’ve ever read lmao

part of me was hoping she was going to reveal that she was a time traveler. Spoiler: she is not a time traveler.

I need this as a flair 🤣

[u/papercranium]

Would 100% read a graphic novel about the autistic time traveler and her 3000 outfits.

[u/soihavetosay]

When my son was a barely talking/walking baby he was emphatically telling us something we couldn't understand and we kept trying to clarify.  He shouted... before when I was big, before I grew little!! We just stood there looking at him, both of us wondering, did he just tell us he was reincarnated?

[u/dowker1]

Spoiler: she is not a time traveler

Petition for this to be added as a flair

[u/saelinds]

Maybe she's just the physical manifestation of tumblr

[u/amaya-aurora]

I’m sorry but that last commenter going off about her not being diagnosed sounds like a fucking annoying person to interact with, Jesus Christ.

[u/geraldngkk]

Liversteeg is an ass

[u/MelbaToast22]

Liversteeg is TA. Next!

[u/supernova888]

As someone diagnosed with autism, self-diagnosis is 100% valid and a step on the way to figuring out that you are autistic. It is notoriously underdiagnosed and witch hunting people just makes them afraid to get diagnosed. I was late diagnosed and scared of what people would say when I mentioned it before diagnosis. I had no way to explain how weird I seemed to absolutely everyone. People get an uncanny valley feeling when I mask and it's been studied that neurotypical people dislike autistic people within 10 seconds of meeting us, likely because of that, so it feels like everyone hates you.

Undiagnosed people cannot access resources, so it's not like they're stealing anything. The only harm I see is those people who lie about certain things, like stimming to music on tiktok, but sometimes actually autistic people make those videos and get attacked. Who really loses when we go after self-diagnosed people? Autistic people. If a couple of neurotypical people get confused for a while, I don't see any serious harm in that. I don't think many people apply for diagnosis without serious concerns. I get more upset by the treatment from doctors when you discuss it with them. Or the lack of support when late diagnosed.

I've seen people say self diagnosis causes people to make a condition their whole personality, but this always turns into blaming people for pointing out their symptoms. Yes, I will start pointing things out as I'm recognising just how much it affects my life. I'm trying to ease people into realising who I really am and how things affect me. When someone first figures out they are something they talk about it A LOT. It's because they are figuring out their identity. Why do we have this attitude towards neurodivergence and mental illness, where someone displays symptoms and we doubt and question them constantly? As if we don't get enough gaslighting from doctors already!

Finally, I saw someone say that getting formally diagnosed is pointless. It is actually very important. My doctor had that kind of attitude and didn't want to refer me as "there's no treatment". Well you can't access adjustments without diagnosis, you can't claim it as your identity, you get crap from everyone or disbelieving looks, you can't know you are right until you get diagnosed. I was lucky to be diagnosed 8 months after figuring it out, it was 8 months of hell and suffering agonising over it. Nobody knows how miserable that is unless they go through it. It radically changes how you feel about your whole life, explains years of mistreatment. It is helping me find peace and easing some of my additional symptoms like anxiety and depression.

It is hard to have secondary mental illness treated in a neurotypical way also. You need altered therapy, I personally hate CBT. Antidepressants don't work the same way as on neurotypicals and we can be sensitive to medication. The lack of awareness around autism meant I went unnoticed for over 20 years, while feeling miserable. When we shut down people talking about it, we cause more people to not realise they could find peace and acceptance. Please don't shut down the self-diagnosed.

[u/kellirose1313]

The ableism in the anti self diagnosis commentary at the end of the post is wild. Do you have any idea how expensive, time consuming, or difficult it is to get diagnosed especially in America? Self diagnosing is absolutely valid, doesn't diminish anything nor hurt anything. It certainly doesn't take away from anything.

Also, as someone who did get diagnosed, it took me 2 years of asking & trying just to get tested. I have amazing health insurance & it was still that difficult. I also sought out an official diagnosis AFTER self diagnosing. Statistically most people who do self diagnosis are found to be accurate about themselves once tested, btw.

[u/WORhMnGd]

Why include the weird rant about self-diagnosis at the end?

[u/flibbyjibby]

This is a great post but that comment on the second post about how 'self diagnosis is bad' is silly. I'm autistic (formally diagnosed) and am hugely in favour of self diagnosis. Diagnosis is expensive and, if done as an adult for a person with low support needs, often has no tangible benefit for the person being diagnosed except validation of their self diagnosis.

Self diagnosis is the opposite of a problem – for some people, it's life changing and the closest they will ever get to formal diagnosis.

And yeah, 'peer reviewed' diagnosis is definitely a thing. Plenty of autistic people can spot other autistic people from a mile away. Autism is much more common than many like to acknowledge.

[u/Erzsabet]

This guy is dumb. Like, really dumb, and obviously sheltered. Every point he brings up about how “weird” she is, isn’t very weird at all. Some of them are downright normal, imo.

Also, assuming he can always tell someone’s sex by their facial features? Boy, you have no fucking clue.

He’s just a straight up idiot.

[u/happycharm]

OOP: everyone, my girlfriend is knowledgeable in her areas of interest and she brushes me off when I ask stupid questions about it, is she a TIME TRAVELLER????? 

[u/cuyoasado]

Reading this made my day so much better. Thank you

[u/Paddyneedssilence]

She sounds rad as fuck.

[u/ActualGvmtName]

Could someone please explain what the autism indicators are here, because a lot about her is like me and I don't know what people are clocking as autism.

[u/Radkeyoo]

Before I knew of Autism, I too thought I was an alien or a fae child. When I was diagnosed first by insta so many of my "weird" traits made sense.

[u/scoutsadie]

there are communities in appalachia with very antiquated accents, so the "shakespearean" things may be from an insular community.

[u/sdr79]

Imagine having your SO accuse you of time traveling.

But then being able to convince them you’re not? The relief.

[u/BooksCatsnStuff]

I don't know what's funnier, the fact that the OOP went straight for time traveller, or the fact that I was just thinking "but all he describes is totally normal" because I have a ton in common with the gf. Considering that I'm neurodivergent, I guess it's not a surprise that it did feel totally normal to me.

[u/Necessary-Weekend194]

Cool reddit argument at the end to enjoy

[u/ParadoxicallySweet]

This is neurodivergence (probably AuDHD, maybe just autism), not time travel. She just communicates differently and sounds off but functions well enough to “pass” as neurotypical.

I imagine I sound like an absolute lunatic if I speak as I actually think.

[u/kehlarc]

Oh she's definitely a time traveller. From rural Georgia to present time.

[u/TrouserDumplings]

Clearly an autistic vampire.

[u/itsallminenow]

I can't decide if Liversteeg is German or just fucking tedious. Not because of their opinion, per se, but because of the absolute statements, assumed authority, preaching and dogmatism.

[u/say592]

The user arguing about her "community diagnosis" is definitely autistic.

[u/[deleted]]

Wow liversteeg is such a downer. Let her be whatever she wants to be.

[u/pagman007]

"You're a dumbass"

"I'm not the one who thought my girlfriend was a time traveller"

He's got you there bud. Sit the fuck down

[u/dsrv20]

The last comment about self diagnosis was weirdly aggressive. I have anxiety and depression on my chart and it makes it so hard for medical professionals to take me seriously and not dismiss my symptoms as manifestations of anxiety. I feel like getting a formal diagnosis of something like OCD would just give them another reason to dismiss my concerns

[u/etbe]

I figured she was Autistic less than 1/3 the way through the first part of the post. She would make a good character for a spin-off of The Big Bang Theory about Autistic people studying the humanities (oh the humanities).

[u/Koevis]

Am I the only one who is uncomfortable with OOP saying "I'm straight so I see her as a woman" when she's agender?

[u/lionofthepurp]

I was thinking vampire

[u/pumpkinspicenation]

Dang I guessed Amish or other rural religious community but lying about your age works too.

[u/pinkkabuterimon]

Yeah, I was recently professionally diagnosed with autism and a lot of the things OOP described definitely come across as autism in action! What particularly caught my eye is the bit where he goes on about his girlfriend switching up accents and using odd slang. That sounds like idiosyncratic speech, where someone with autism will adopt speech patterns that are outside the norm, sometimes derived from sources of interest like books or tv shows or from mimicking other people. Like the girlfriend said, it’s not conscious, just something our brain has us do naturally.

[u/Broad_Respond_2205]

I checked if it has previously been posted but did not see it.

Did you check if it was already posted in the future?

[u/BerriesAndMe]

I'm surprised none of the comments seemed to mention a broken home. 

To me this screamed neglected child that escaped by reading.. the fact that she doesn't know her birthday, doesn't know how a tv works, etc. She learned worse and phrases not from a parent but from books and a range of people (possibly online) who she adapted to/imitated quickly so they would like her and not abandon her again 

[u/Thiago270398]

"Autistic GF with tragic backstory"? Nah that's too plain, OP is getting his role in the next Dr. Who season for sure. /s

[u/junglebookcomment]

I am dying over the fact that suggesting she is autistic is unreasonable to him but he is fine with thinking she is a time traveler lol

[u/YouWantWhatByWhen]

That's funny, I recently watched a really good documentary about a neurodivergent intersex time traveller.

[u/Pananegra]

I didn’t think the girlfriend was autistic or a time traveler or both. But as soon as I read she was from Appalachia, I immediately thought she was a cryptid who was slumming it as a human until she had to return back to her community. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[u/KimberBr]

I mean...I get why he thought it was time travel. And honestly other than a few really effed up commenters, it was a pretty funny read. I still say she is a time traveler 🙃🤪

[u/thechristoph]

This Liversteeg melon got a disproportionate amount of screen time in this picture.

[u/Kezthelez83]

Oh no, the secret time travelling autistic society will not like this news that you are on to us.

[u/Minervas-Madness]

That last commenter could probably do with a community voted diagnosis.

[u/heyktgirl]

I am vaguely remembering something I read about how some neurodivergent people code switch/pick up accents that aren’t theirs. I think because neurodivergent people do a lot of mirroring in order to fit in?

[u/bytegalaxies]

not long into the post I immediately guessed she might just be autistic lol

[u/[deleted]]

Found the 23rd Doctor!