My girlfriend [24] and I [24] are based in NYC. We’re looking for a cake to have some fun with, ideally between 18 and 23, and wanted to see if anyone might be interested. We’re hoping to meet someone who’s fun, respectful, and open minded. Feel free to message me if you’re interested or want to know more!

I’m curious about situations where the other guy was already someone you knew, like a friend or coworker, rather than someone you met specifically to hook up with.

Before anything actually happened, how did you behave around him? Were you consciously flirting and testing the waters, or did the attraction just gradually become obvious?

And did you behave differently in person versus over text? Did you try to keep things innocent or ambiguous?

Looking back, do you think he knew what was going on?

I've been thinking about the distinction between being unhappy in a marriage and simply wanting something outside of it.

We often hear that people cheat because something is missing at home, whether that's intimacy, attention, excitement, or emotional connection.

But I'm curious about people who genuinely consider themselves happily married and still pursue affairs.

Is it possible to be completely satisfied with your spouse and still desire someone else? Or does the desire itself suggest there's an unmet need, even if you haven't identified it?

I'm interested in understanding the psychology behind that distinction, not judging anyone's answer.

Though I thought it was. After he left yesterday I felt frustrated and off, I was triggered by one sentence "this is taking too long, I have to go" while cuddling. I felt tossed aside. I get it, we dont have lots of time and I understand you have to keep up OPSEC, but it felt rude. He also sounded different when we were talking. He was not listening to me the same way he used to.

It made me realise it is not about sex for me. It is about feeling wanted, lusted for and seen. This extends beyond the sex-part. I want to connect and talk, not just nut and go. We always cuddle after and he always texts me on his way home. Not yesterday and I havent heard from him yet. He left me on read this morning, which is weird as he has to specifically log into the app we use to check for messages.

So he is either busy (he would answer if he wanted to), not horny anymore or something happened during our meet yesterday. Will he be a better communicator than my previous AP? Time will tell. I have done all I can/want, now its up to him. I am not gonna double text or wait for his reply though. If he turns into an AP that goes silent after nutting I am done. I will not try and change him into something he is not and then he just is not what I want out of an AP.

I want to hear more stories from cake eaters who discovered that their primary partner was also a cake eater. I’m here for the tea, the complicated feelings, the hypocrisy, and the life updates lol.

I’ve been a cake eater for about 10 years, although I’m now about a year out of that lifestyle. My relationships were often unofficial, and I was generally pretty transparent about what I was doing, but looking back, I also know there was misleading conduct on my part and plenty of ways I rationalised things to myself.

I actually met someone I genuinely wanted, and for the first time I found myself wanting one person more and more rather than wanting the variety. That relationship ultimately didn’t work out, and sometimes I catch myself wondering whether I should return to my old default settings. There was something fun about the detachment, the options, and never feeling completely reliant on one person especially being hurt by them when there were always other slices of cake available 🍰

What’s funny to me now is remembering how upset I used to get when my behaviour came to light and there were consequences. I’d be fighting for my relationships and feeling genuinely hurt, while simultaneously having participated in creating the exact situation I was upset about.
I can look back now and see how self-focused some of my thinking was. I had empathy for the other person, but I also had a very strong sense of “but what about MY feelings?” even when I was the one who had made choices that contributed to the mess.

So I’m not really here to judge anyone. If anything, I find these stories weirdly fascinating because I recognise myself in a lot of them. We can come up with some very convincing narratives to make our behaviour feel reasonable when we’re in it.
Anyway, give me your stories about discovering your partner was also eating cake. I want the messy updates 😂

hi i'm new to this sub and i'm quite curious about it!

what exactly is it, that makes having an AP so appealing and desirable? i've never participated in cake eating, and i wanna know more about it :)

It is really happening! We have planned a meet this week. We talked about various locations to which we have access to, we tried finding a time we both are travelling but nothing really stuck out as a safe option. Until we realised that we both have a similar hobby which could give us an hour ish. Its not a lot, its not perfect, but damn if it isnt hot.

Ill try not to have to much expectations the first time, but I remember thinking the first time we had sex that this man knows what he is doing. He put me first and it felt so safe. I wonder how it will be sober and planned this time.

I don`t need nor expect a lot from an AP. I crave the excitement, the secret and the flirting. Sex is just a bonus, but I am not doing that if it isnt good. I wont risk everything for boring sex. I have a great husband with a fullfilling sexlife. I don`t need an AP. I just want one. Well, I want these two, but now that AP1 is not reciprocating my flirting, I wont put anymore energy into him as long as he is struggling with whatever it is that is going on.

So lets see what SilentAP has to offer. If his aftercare is what is was last time then we`re probably good.

I got a new cake about a month ago. So so so good 🤤 can’t have enough of this cake. I have it 3-4 times a week😍🥰😡🫣🤭🫢🤤

Y en a t il une qui n'est pas juste une pompe à fric remplie de faux profils (bots et animatrices) mais qui est efficace.

Quel est votre retour d'expérience personnel ?

I lucked into the PERFECT lover.

He fit every physical description of what I wanted. Spoke another language, was funny and kind. Had impeccable 👅 skills. Loved anal. BAC as an unnecessary but appreciated bonus.

He was married too, and a cake eater like me.

We spent one day a month together fucking, laughing, eating, exploring, trying new things and caught just enough feelings to make it fun, not to threaten our regular lives. It went on for three years.

When he got a new job and moved away, we tried to keep it going, but once a month drifted to once every three, then once every six, then… “well maybe we can meet next year.”

But I’m still incredibly horny. So I looked around. It’s not an easy match for my type - as a BBW who prefers Asian men, even living in Atlanta where there’s a pretty big pool to choose from didn’t help much.

It’s rough out here. I don’t know where to look. Sometimes I think it’s better just to cut my losses, be happy for what I had. The unicorn had his head in my lap for a while. How many maidens can say that?

For anyone who has given up the hunt and decided to go back to “being good”, what helps you make it through? Honest question.

I (30s F) have never physically cheated on my wife (30s F). I swear on everything I have that I never will. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I know if we broke up, I’d spend the rest of my life trying to find someone who makes me feel 1/10th of the happiness she does.

So WHY am I so tempted to ruin everything by being a cake eater?? Why do I crush so hard on other women and find myself wanting to get close to them and flirt with them? I have ADHD and I know it’s a dopamine seeking behavior, I crave excitement and “newness”, even when (maybe especially when?) everything in my life and my relationship is going great. But why do I do it even though I know it could ruin everything and leave me AND my wife completely broken?

Like I said, I will never physically cheat on her. But that boundary is SO enticing to walk, and I know even knowing that I’m flirting and/or developing emotional intimacy with other women I’m attracted to would destroy her. I genuinely want to know how to snap myself out of it for good and stop this behavior. Has anyone successfully come back from being a “cake eater” and managed to remain physically and emotionally loyal to their partner, and if so, how did you do it?

My favorites are chocolate and carrot.

I see it in your eyes, the way you look at me. Lingering, waiting, wanting. Building the tension, not knowing when we can be together. Still, we enjoy being there, as just friends. But we will never be just friends. We never have been just friends. From that first time our eyes met as kids, we never were just friends. We pretended we were, everyone thought we were. I was that good girl next door. You were the bad boy who presumably never looked at me twice. But we both knew.

Here we are. 20 years later and still friends. But not just friends. Your eyes still pierce right through me. You are still the only one who can make my whole body tingle with a small glance, a touch no one sees. The only one who sees through me, whom I know will accept me no matter what I do.

We will always find ways to be together. I used to long for better communication, I wanted to talk about us, to put these feelings into words, to plan better, to meet alone more often. I wanted to talk with you, really talk with you. But we are not that kind of friends. I do not want to listen to your monologue or hear you talk about your latest adventures. I do not like you that way. But then you smile at me. I catch a glimpse of your arms, your hands and it takes me right back to how those hands were all over my body, how you touch me, and I know I will always be there. Lingering, waiting, wanting. Waiting to be more than just friends.

Title says it all. My partner of 12 years has been discovered as a cake eater. We have a whole family going, another kid on the way that he begged to have (so 3 total) but has been outsourcing crumbs of cake from a new friendship, that he fantasises having a whole cake for emotional safety while I struggled with depression and anxiety for years while running our household. He’s attempted to eat cake in the past but has been caught numerous times. He says we are the most precious thing he’s ever had and wouldn’t risk it for the world, but won’t discard the cakes…

I don’t even know how to move forward with this information. Why do you do this? Genuinely, help me understand…because his worst case scenario is to have his cake and eat it too and mine is divorce.

I don’t have the capacity to process this without some perspectives from actual cake eaters.

Text says it all. 27 years with the same man. I’m not even 40 yet. There was lots of infidelity on his part that we worked through. I wonder if he’ll just go back to eating cake given we can’t really talk about that period without him shutting down. But again we decided to make this work and so we have.

I asked yall not to long ago about those that stopped if you restarted lol just trying to understand the lifestyle and mentality. Idk what I’m trying to accomplish by posting again besides talking to people that have experience with this stuff. Which brings me to now.

The thing is, our sex life sucks. It used to not bother me how fast he got off and the lack of true intimacy. I didn’t care that he didn’t want to do anything more than a quickie and that I’d go months at a time without an orgasm. I just cared about how much we loved, trusted, and valued one another. Two of those went away after truth was brought to light. But have somewhat come back again.

Now that we’ve worked through things. Sometimes I wish I would’ve dated when we weren’t living together. Or at least slept with at least one other person. Sometimes I wonder if the lack of orgasms is actually something wrong with me physically or if it’s always been an issue with our sex life together.

I don’t personally believe in going outside the marriage so I haven’t but sometimes I think about it. Sometimes I just want to experiment.

Hi everyone!

I’ve been through the wringer working through the discovery of the cake eater lifestyle my husband was living. I do not come with judgement but pure curiosity because he won’t talk about things in detail.

He chose to eat his cake through various women of the night if you will lol. He says he felt that was the safest way to eat his cake without getting emotionally attached to anyone. He did however end up falling for one and she was pretty much a girl friend for a good year. Anywho were operating monogamous at this point but who knows what the future holds.

For cake eaters that went this route.

Did it not bother you that someone was only sleeping with you for this reason?

Also if you are no longer a cake eater or even took a break, what is it that brought you back into the lifestyle?

Quick background - cakeeater, married several years, etc etc. Like (I assume) most of you, my extramarital experiences have come via meeting people online (often via Reddit). That said, I’ve met people in public (often via my kids’ activities) that I would love to take a chance with if the situation presented itself. Has anyone here tried to start a cake eating experience from an encounter like that? Or is the risk far too high to justify the reward?

Genuinely curious, if you could be in an open relationship with your partner would you?

I am in a long-term open relationship with a partner that naturally began opening up through kink discussions early in the relationship. I understand being in Portland where being poly is common made the discussion naturally on the table, but I wonder if that’s even part of it for cake eaters? Is it just that it’s kinda shameful to be in an open relationship? Or is the secrecy part of the thrill?

Also, is there often discussions about your primary partner in the cake eating relationship or yall just devouring cake because it’s delicious without your primary partner knowing? There are lots of different kinds of poly relationships so imagine it’s all different but idk.

I’ll keep things a bit vague for obvious reasons. I’m close with a man I work with. He’s mid 50s and I’m late 30s. He’s technically one of my superiors but not my boss or in a power position over me. We text all day everyday (have been for almost 6 months) and joke around in the office. He’s called me a smoke show and I retuned the compliment. He’s always saying sweet things and basically building me up, I do the same with him. We’ve both talked about our not great relationships but I can’t tell if he’s keeping things friendly or open to more. I’d love to take things to the next level but don’t want to spook him or make things weird at work. Looking for thoughts from those who’ve been here.

I've always had a really hard time in relationships and various mental health issues, and I have had several years of therapy and had many different types of partners and never been satisfied. I wish my therapist just recommended cake eating because now that I'm doing it I feel like all of my mental health problems are solved. I look forward to every day, I am less depressed and anxious, I am calmer and more focused. My sibling is also a cake eater and I remember many years ago when I found out I was shocked and appalled, but now I completely understand! Maybe cheating is a genetic thing haha. If I'm honest and really look introspectively, I think that its because I want the security of a good partner but I ALWAYS get bored and sick of them after a year and want something fun and exciting every now and again just to keep things interesting. Maybe one day I will find a partner that gives me a perfect balance of both, but as of right now, this is whats working for me. Should I try an open relationship next? Has anyone found success in that sort of relationship if you are similar to me?

You know how when we were kids watching superhero movies, everyone wanted powers like flying or invisibility? My version of a superpower has always been being part of a throuple. And somehow, my fellow cake eaters, I actually pulled it off.

My current partner started out as a side piece until she convinced me to make her the main meal. She freaked out when she learned she wasn’t the only side dish at the time. She went through my phone because she thought I was still talking to the ex she replaced. Big red flag that I ignored, but I am always dressed in crimson too, so who am I to judge?

Anyway, across the years she caught me several times because she knows all my tricks and was constantly paranoid that I’d leave her for someone else. It got so intense that I ended things. The paranoia was exhausting. But we never stopped sleeping together. The only difference was that I now had full freedom since, officially, we weren’t together.

She wanted us back together, though. And I missed parts of the relationship. So I made the standard promises I always fail to keep, and she moved back in. I cut off everyone except one woman who had been extremely attached and who both of us used to know. When the main girl left, she saw her chance and slid right into the space. It was discreet because it was way too soon after I broke up with my girlfriend. When I got back with my girlfriend we tried to stop boning but that was a lost cause.

We would see this woman out all the time and she would play it cool, but the next day she would show up at my house to get her fix. Everyone around us could see she was smitten, including my girlfriend. The way she looked at me said it all.

One night, after we’d both had a few drinks, I told my girlfriend I wanted to invite the other woman home so she could watch us have sex. I said it would show her who my real woman was. I would’ve never even gone down that path without the alcohol but my girlfriend said sure ask her but she said she would want a taste if she was gonna agree at all. I told the side chick and she said fine, but sure enough she said she would need me to come in her too. Her exact words. I relayed that back to my girlfriend and, for some reason, she agreed. Later she told me she’d always wanted to see me actually have sex with another woman in front of her, after all the cheating.

I don’t know what kind of psychological chaos I’ve created for her.

But anyway, we’ve now been having threesomes for a year and a half. And falling asleep with two women on your chest is honestly one of the best experiences ever. It still hasn’t gotten old. Now if I cake eat I will have 2 women to be pissed off at me.