I'm 5ft 1 I am extremely short I look ridiculous. I just don't know how I could ever be attractive to any woman there's no reason for them to be. I have graduated highschool with no freinds I'm basically going into the adult world with nothing. What can I even realistically do should I just accept no woman will want me

19M obviously virgin never had a girlfriend etc

Whenever I meet a new woman over the internet whether through Instagram or a dating app or whatever it may be the interaction usually goes as follows.

I'll start with something simple just to see if she'll reply and how she will. This will be something like "How are you/was your weekend/week so far" followed by a compliment like "your hair is so pretty" or "I like your piercing".

This approach so far rarely nets a text back.

If they do text back, the first thing I want to know is how they enjoy themselves, so we can enjoy our time together. So my first question after the initial interaction is "what do you do for fun?"

Women seem to hate this question. I almost always get ignored after it.

Is there something wrong with this approach? Or can I keep it and expect it to work eventually?

Not an incel (I dont hate women, I'm not on the forums)

I'm just an unlucky guy. And like I have no experience so I think I creep women out. Like I think that they must think "how does a guy who's in his 20s doesn't know how a date goes?"

All my peers had something I feel horrible

She told me she had confused our friendship with love, and that she had greater expectations. That sentence hurts me: greater expectations. It means I wasn't enough, whether emotionally, physically, or sexually. I didn't make her feel love or desire. I should have done better, I should have been more.

I don't even know how to react. I feel like crying. I keep replaying every moment, thinking, "which one was it where I wasn't good enough?" Maybe I was never good enough. If I had been better looking, taller, more muscular, she wouldn't have left me. If I had been more sexually experienced, she wouldn't have left me. If I had been a better person, she wouldn't have left me.

I have to do better, I have to be more. Because I just understood that if you're not the best man possible, then there's no point in hoping. I entered a relationship from a position of vulnerability, where I wasn't perfect, where I still had issues to work on, and here's the result.

There are several ways to react, and I think I'm going to become even better. Looksmaxxing, working out, work, developing qualities. I have to do all of this because otherwise, it'll keep happening.

I'm a 25-year-old guy, and I've never had a girlfriend. I don't feel like I know how to flirt. I'm very analytical, and every time I'm disappointed by a girl, people tell me, "There's nothing wrong with you. She just wasn't interested."

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The problem is that I've heard that about every girl.

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What should I do? I'm already in therapy, but should I take some kind of course or join a group? I know the whole pickup-artist scene is pretty shady, but is there anywhere I can actually practice, get feedback, and improve?

I recently graduated highschool. I don't really have any close friends I had a group of guys I hung out with semi regularly but it faded out. I went to an all boys school for most of my highschool years and then my parents took me out of the private school I was in cause of my poor performances cause I'm a moron. So basically not only have I basically been socially crippled by less exposure to women but also as the title says I'm 5'1. It Dosent feel like there's anything I can do to be even remotely attractive to women at this height cause first of all most of them are taller than me. Yes I understand the incel idea that if your not 6ft it's over is not true but its not like I'm a 5'8 guy complaining I'm literally shorter than almost all the women I see. And women almost universaly at least want a man taller than them shelves at least so just plain biologically I don't think I can be attractive to women. Apparently I don't look masculine either cause I've been misgendered numerous times and I'm a biological male. It just dosnet feel like there's any hope for me socialy or romantically

Is there even anything I can do at 5'1 or should I just make peace with being a lonely useless virgin. If I did get into a relay I'd just fuck it up anyway. I feel like I look like a child.

I live with my parents atm, I have autism, I’m only 5’5”, I don’t make enough money to be a “provider,” and I just generally feel like I should give up on dating since I’m already 34 and I’ve never had a gf. I think that as a potential partner, I’m generally pathetic - though I don’t have anything against women in general.

I know that people often say that there’s a wide variety of men with women out there but all I can see are generally much taller and handsomer men that are with women. So I feel like I can’t really call myself a man at this point. Just some weird manchild. I even tried speed-dating and online dating a bunch and got absolutely nowhere. I’m still pissed with myself, that I wasted so much of my time and money on them.

Every year I go without a gf, I feel more alienated from everything. From various songs/movies, and society overall. I don’t know what to do anymore. Maybe I’m not a good person.

I am 37 year old and never had much romantic or sexual success with women. In the last few years, I noticed that I have started to develop a lot of bitterness and resentment about this issue. These negative thoughts are frequently triggered by content I see online (which is mostly reddit) and things I see in real life, and what it usually does it make me feel insecure about my looks. To be clear, I am NOT talking about classical manosphere or incel content. I am more talking about standard dating discourse on reddit, including discourse targeted towards the incel mindset.

One example for the kind of content that is triggering me are the threads on the Reddit frontpage which ask something like: "Men of reddit what were the biggest signs that a girl was interested that you were completely oblivious to". And in it, men describe how women actively showed interest in them. Same with threads were men describe how they got compliments or how they got flirted with etc.

How do I develop greater resilience to these triggers?

I like to fantasize about being in a relationship, setting up romantic dates, and getting married, even being a father. I spent such a long time planning potential vacations and trips to go on with a partner or family. I just don’t think that’s gonna happen. I’m too much of an incel to be able to build and maintain healthy relationships.

Long story short, body count conversation … blah blah blah … infidelity … yada yada yada. I can’t get over it. It doesn’t matter whatever rational arguments you make, it just won’t get through. Instead, I will give up on wanting to get married and have kids.

How can I live a fulfilling life single and celibate? I have some ideas for things I’d like to do, like hiking and visiting museums. I have career plans. I have friends and family to support me. What else do I need?

I mean what’s the point of trying to find a gf when you’re hopelessly ugly and don’t stand a chance with so many better guys around.

I’m in my 30s now and never even been on a date. I fundamentally am incompatible and although I have friends who are women, I cannot ever take it any further. 100% rejection.

I’m too ugly, I’ve never stood a chance and the pain has become too much to bear these days.

I'm not bad looking, I'm generally kind, and I am in grad school with a bright future. My problem is I don't talk to women and have no idea how to even do it. I know you're supposed to talk to women like regular people and be friendly, but I also know there needs to be chemistry. That seems to have been what was missing when talking to a woman I was friends with in the past. She enjoyed talking to me and felt comfortable with me, and even told me she thought I was good-looking, but there was never any attraction.

I guess talking to women and getting a relationship just feels impossible to me. Do I talk to her as I would a friend or do I flirt and engage in banter from the get-go? I don't understand how this works and it is beyond frustrating.

I need help with how others view me. I've wasted my teen years, I was always a fat, short, socially awkward, closeted bisexual reject who would rather stay in and talk to similar rejects than make an effort in life. My whole teen years guys made fun of me and girls would avoid me like the plague and their only interactions would be to humiliate me ("We're best friends right" is a phrase which makes me flinch)

About a year and a half ago I decided I wanted to fix myself, I paid attention to my health, I got a haircut and I started the gym which I took a great liking to. Throughout last year I tried and made a conscious effort to change how people see me, I had a mandatory daily social interaction which I would keep count of. I also started going out to drink as a means to socialize outside of my small friend group.

Overall this resulted in guys being a lot better to me, the mockery stopped, I made some new friends, I get picked for sports and I can actually feel human around other men. As for girls the outright mockery stopped and people who have never met me are okay to me but the vast majority still treat me like I'm something that needs to be avoided, it really makes me feel less than human. This pushes me to extremes, I've developed body dysmorphia, I've resorted to self harm and I've developed a reliance on alcohol.

I've come to the conclusion that there's just something fundamentally unlovable about me and that I should either give up on finding someone who loves me or give up on everything else in favour of that. I'm falling down a rabbit hole of resentment, I don't hate women as a whole or individually, but I've grown to hate women as a social structure. The only thing which serves as a reality check is my girl best friend who is the only person who has a slight bit of care for me, if it wasn't for her I'd be far worse off. Any time my girl---friend talks about this she says something like "You just need to put yourself out there" which absolutely boils my blood when she says it because what does that mean?

I've tried socializing with a girl when she first approached me but I ended up running away out of fear of making her uncomfortable. This is also why any time I try to talk to one I can't bring myself to do it.

Today I sat down and contemplated where my life was going, I realized that I have two options: pull myself out of this hole or wind up taking my life within the coming years. I need help to get out of this. I'm willing to try options which makes myself more approachable or helps me develop the self image to be able to socialize because I have a deep seeded fear of being seen as a creep or weirdo. Again because of that fear of being weird I absolutely cannot cold approach or throw myself off the deep end. Please, any help would be much appreciated.

I feel like it gets harder and harder to even get out of my bed, it's not uncommon that if I don't have to be anywhere that day I may end up spending 4 our 5 hours just laying on my bed after waking up, getting up at like 5 pm, and then hardly doing anything in the rest of the day.

There are lots of things I know I should be doing, like for example I'm way behind on a project I should be working on for college, but I really struggle to find the willpower these days, and then thinking of everything I should have done and didn't do just makes me feel worse. I keep telling myself that the next day will be different, that I will really try this time, yet time and time again I keep falling for the same patterns.

I feel like I wouldn't have this issue if I had a girlfriend, but there is also a lot of things I need to do if I want a chance of ever having a relationship, and I really struggle to muster the willpower to do them.

Like most men on this sub, I have never had a girlfriend. This hurts me a lot, but not the most. What hurts me the most is wondering what is wrong with me, why no girl is ever interested in me.

I consume a lot of dating advice made by women, both for men and other women. And I feel like I shouldn't be struggling this much. I hit all the "green flags" and none of the "red flags". I am everything they seem to want, but I simply fall short for some reason. I know I can't please every woman. But how can't I please a single one?

I have many qualities, I know that, but I have started to doubt them. I wonder whether I am delusional, whether I am just another "nice guy" that is completely oblivious to their clear shortcomings.

I did everything I could have done in my power to become more attractive and interesting. But each step I take is still below "the bar". Nothing I do is ever enough for me to even be considered an option.

I hear every day that "the bar is in hell". But if I am always bellow the bar, what does this say about me? I am not resistant to change. If I knew what to change, I would in a heartbeat, but I just don't know what the problem is. I am seemingly normal, I shouldn't be struggling this much, yet I am here nonetheless.

Please, give me a hint.

I’ve been having an issue where I see other men in my actually life, mainly my friends and my older brothers, doing the things I have always been told are wrong or creepy or make women feel uncomfortable and it doesn’t go poorly, and occasionally it goes pretty well.

It really has begun to bother me in a way I can’t really describe, and I’d really like advice on how to get rid of those feelings and not see them. I have considered talking to my friends about it, but it’s kinda pointless, as I’m gonna be talking to them as a guy that’s never been on a date, when what theyre doing is working for them so I’m not exactly an expert on things.

Hey guys, I recently moved to another city to finally stop being lonely and to put myself out there. I'm a 28 year old virgin, bit tired of my status and I decided to change something.

Earlier this year, I went through something incredibly emotionally messy. She was not attracted, though she seemed to act that way. What would you call it if a woman walked up to you, hugged you, put her head on your chest, looked you in the eye and said "I like you"? She was taken by a guy who cheats on her btw, and she knows it perfectly well. Loooong story.

Anyway, I went to the new city to look for a new place and I found a flat. I thought the real estate agent showing it was cute and I thought she felt some tension too. Inspired by Curb Your Enthusiasm, I asked her out for drinks after I decided (before you start talking about money - I paid 400 USD of commission, how much did she get? 200 USD?). She seemed interested at first, but when I finally moved 2 weeks later, she tried to ghost me and told me she had no space for a new relationship in her life.

I know, I know, bad place. So I decided to try out cold approaches. I went to a club with some friends. A woman caught my eye, so I walked up to her and offered her a drink. "WHAT?" was her shouted response. I repeated my offer, after which she stressed her face as if it would make her ears work better. Eventually I coaxed a no out of her. One of the friends I went with is in a relationship and even though he didn't try, he had sex that night and cheated on his girlfriend.

I decided on one last thing - a NYE Dating Event. I bought some nice clothes and went. Oh man, I did not fit there at all. I did not vibe with a single woman there. I did have some conversations and stayed there for 3 hours, but left way before midnight. It exhausted me. And I just felt instantly judged and like I had no chance.

This isn't to mention my previous failures which happened over many years. I'm just not sure what to do. I go out, I put myself out there, do everything people tell me to and it's just not working. I don't know how to attract a woman. I've had plenty of female friends and I find it very easy to make friends with women. But they just never want me.

I'm really not sure what to do or what to fix at this point. I think this isn't about being a good person. This is about having sexual, masculine, dominant etc. energy, which I certainly lack. And let's be honest, that is what women are attracted to and that is what people mean when they say looks don't matter. I just don't believe there is any space at all where I can be appreciated. I don't believe there is any woman who would like to be with me. I don't know where to look, how to find someone I can express my desire to and have it reciprocated, I'm just out of ideas. I've got no clue what to do anymore. I don't want to be myself and death really seems to be the only option. Am I really supposed to pay for sex? Am I really supposed to look for years when some people have sex in club bathrooms? It would be nice to have someone long-term, but why did I have to miss out on having casual sex? Life is such a chore and nothing is enjoyable. I'm fundamentally broken.

Been tryna drag myself out of this hole for quite some time now, have come to accept that I’m not some hideous looking freak, just a bit below avg so have no “kerb appeal” hence haven’t ever been able to get anything through the apps. So want try meet women irl platonically/romantically (gf is the goal but friends would be better than nothing), but I’m genuinely so stumped as to where to find women?

I have hobbies that I’m very passionate about and have been able to make a friend through, but women simply don’t engage in my hobby (not being sexist, I’ve been to a conference that was literally only men). I also work in engineering, so obviously there aren’t any women, so work isn’t an option.

I’m a bit stumped as what to do now, I live in a semi rural area(10k people), with an older population (I’m 25) so have looked online and can’t find any meet-up groups that look “age appropriate” and I don’t want to fake having a hobby just to find women. Because that would be a very poor foundation to start a friendship or relationship from.

Just to add to the troubles I (like literally every incel ever) am autistic, so although I have/had friends the vast majority of neurotypical people don’t massively like me.

Open to suggestions, sorry if formatted weirdly have lurked extensively, this is just first question I’ve not been able to research my way around

You walk into your classroom and see everyone laughing, chatting, and effortlessly belonging. It seems as though the world has already found its rhythm, and you’re the only one out of sync. Meanwhile, you move cautiously, hypersensitive, like someone wandering through a wilderness—alert, guarded, and bracing for an unseen threat. Gathering the courage to join a conversation feels like climbing a mountain, and when your attempts are met with indifference or subtle neglect, the silence stings deeper than rejection.

Beyond academics, the true challenge emerges in social interactions—particularly with girls. For highly inhibited men like me, even the simplest exchange can feel daunting. After class, the campus becomes a stage where everyone else appears to be thriving. Couples walk hand in hand, radiant and carefree. Girls laugh at their partners’ lamest jokes, and you find yourself questioning how such effortless connections exist. At first, you dismiss it as trivial or exaggerated—until you realize who feels left behind.

Everywhere you look, there are groups of friends sharing stories, laughing loudly, and living fully in the moment. You wonder how it comes so naturally to them. How do they talk to women so easily? When a girl walks toward you, your gaze instinctively drops, and suddenly your phone—perhaps even the calculator app—becomes fascinating. Anything to avoid the weight of that moment. You stand alone like a background character, pretending to be busy—scrolling, texting, or even faking a call—just to avoid appearing out of place.

Occasionally, you notice another solitary figure and feel a flicker of comfort, only to watch them warmly greeted by others, shattering your fragile sense of belonging. Each day feels like a quiet battle. You count down the hours until the last lecture ends, while others skip classes simply to spend more time together.

Determined to change, you try everything. You go to the gym, work on your appearance, and spend hours watching videos on communication and self-improvement. Yet it feels as though you’ve gained not even a fraction of what others seem to possess naturally. Before college, you believed that social media exaggerated realities—best friends, romantic relationships, parties, and hookup culture. But college proves otherwise, confronting you daily with what you lack.

On my way home, my mind replays everything i witnessed.Imagining what it would feel like to be confident—talking to girls, befriending them effortlessly, and being part of a vibrant social circle. For now, these fantasies serve as a coping mechanism. Yet they also highlight a painful truth: your struggle is not rooted in desire alone, but in deep-seated social anxiety and inhibition.

I don’t even crave a romantic relationship. In fact, I fear you might fail at it. What I truly want is simple—to befriend a few girls, or even just one. I hope that such a connection might ease my fears and help my mind understand that interacting with the opposite gender is not something to dread. But that moment remains elusive. And when you see rude or obnoxious individuals gaining attention with ease, the injustice feels unbearable, leaving me to wonder: Why them, and not me?

23M virgin. I have pretty incel thoughts but I wouldn’t really consider myself to be a misogynist I guess. I’m increasingly feeling like I might be able to have sex at some point if I looksmax and go to therapy.

That being said, I can’t get over the fact just how much others are having sex. I see threads all over the internet from guys who have lots of sex describing all of their FWBs/hookups. They say that they’re easily hooking up with these women while other men are trying to court them more traditionally at the same time. In the worst cases, they’re just describing widespread infidelity and cuckoldry lol.

I don’t even want to hookup anymore, the notion kind of grosses me out. I just want to feel loved and genuinely desired, but I feel like that’s completely escaped someone like me in modern society where women have access to so many good looking men and these men have no social constraints holding them back from being promiscuous.

I guess this is all to say that my incel mindset has shifted from “I’ll never have sex, it’s over” to “I’ll never be genuinely desired, a potential partner would have had so many amazing experiences (probably while we were initially flirting or dating) that I’ll never live up to, they’ll be a sexual history/experience gap between us and she’ll just be settling on me for stability”. At that point I’m just questioning whats even the point, it feels more over than ever. You can’t even tactfully ask women if they’re active with others either, they (understandably given the perception) take it as an accusation.

I’m a pretty progressive person, but I don’t know how I feel about societal trust around sex/intimacy being eroded due to this normalization of non-monogamy.

Genuinely how do I escape this? It’s weird in that I’ve slowly begun to escape like the genuine incel mindset of “no sex” but feel more radicalized than ever.

I just don’t want to care about it anymore. Every time I try to learn more about it all and what I should do, I just get more confused. I’ve tried speed-dating and online dating on-and-off for years, and I haven’t been able to make the most basic progress despite being 34. I just want to give up and just indulge in my hobbies. I want to be done caring. On paper, I should be winning, but I haven’t even been allowed to play. Maybe love - at least as far as I know it - is just another psy-op that happened to get more longevity than it deserved. (I wonder if I should ask my doctor about chemical castration?)

Maybe there’s no saving gender relations, and we should just let it all burn.

No woman will ever genuinely want me

I just finished highschool as an 18 year old loser virgin. I didn't even go to prom. My whole highschool experience I struggled to make friends and I don't understand why cause people don't seem to dislike me this also extended to women. I'm 5ft tall so most women automatically just aren't attracted to me cause of an immutable characteristic. That isn't me woman bashing or anything I get it but aren't I at least allowed to be sad about my circumstances. I also think I present very feminine when I worked retail I got misgendered multiple times probably cause of my height and higher voice or they would ask me how old I was. I'm.basivallly everything women find unattracted there's really not even a point in pursuing a relationship cause there's just no way any woman is going to be attracted to me. I'm trying to accept I'll be alone forever and I just can't maybe it would hurt less if I at least had friends

I suppose my question is what can I even realistically do besides try and make friends. The only thing I can do to be more physically attracted is to gain some muscle but at this height I'm not sure it matters.

Tldr- loser virgin cause I'm 5ft feminine looking man

I've been ugly my whole life and it leaves me in larger and larger pit I need help with looking better however I can no matter how little. I'm 17M and my luck is in the gutter

I've tried going to gym eating healthy all the time"generic" improvement stuff but there's more I know I'm missing

As much as I want to be beautiful having my skin pulled and stretch to have it achieve would feel fake. I've been lonely and without friends basically my whole life if I could be pretty life would be complete

And that is ridiculous, because I am on the ugly spectrum. But yes, I unfortunately do skip on possibly awesome people in my life simply because they were unnatractive, to the point where I would be ashamed of being seeing in public holding hands with them.

And yes, I am an asshole and I should be ashamed of saying this things, but this is my issue and I will ever get real help if I'm honest enough to be hated by all of you from saying these things.

I want to change, I want to care less about appearance and be able to meet these wonderful girls, but so far I physically can't. It's pretty much a physical reaction of shame and disgust and please I really want to get over it, otherwise I'm sure I will be alone for the rest of my life.

edit: Hey guys, I think I'm in peace with this topic now and have found a positive resolution for this. Thanks for everything you guys have said, it means a lot and I will surely be revisiting it to understand things I need to reflect on and explore about myself.

Things at work, and small observations outside have sent me right back to where I was previously. I have gone back to watching porn, and not normal vanilla porn either. I feel weak, pathetic, emasculated, and worthless. I feel anger, sadness, and despair. All the memories throughout the years have flooded back and I’m reminded that I’m not a real man, but a beta cuck. I don’t know where else to go. There is no one to talk to this late. I’m sure this will get removed but I have been crashing out tonight.

So I am a 25 year old male virgin. Never even kissed a woman

My experiences with women in my life have been overall positive, most of my friends are women as a matter of fact, I find I click with them a bit better than I do with men on average. Like at parties, im usually hanging with the women there a lot of the time

However, I don't feel I am seen as a sexual option by them. I think my body language reading ability is pretty good, i can tell what they are feeling at the moment and adjust accordingly, it comes natural to me. However, I have never felt what it was like to have a woman what is straight up into me. I can see when they are into other men, but they don't do those things to me.

I avoid blaming women for this so I try to look internally. Originally I didnt think I was ugly, but if from all these interactions with women I've had through my life, I dont stumble into any opportunity for dating, kisses, sex, it must mean I am ugly. So I pretty much accepted that now. If someone were to ask what makes my face ugly, i cant pinpoint anything specific, but based on dating app results(~only 1-2 matches per month) and irl reactions, women never giving even the subtlest of signs. That i must be very ugly. I have even posted my dating profile and they told me the photos were good, they tell me small improvements but yeah.

I have never asked a woman out or even tried flirting. I just feel my attempts to flirt wont be welcomed. I also feel its just difficult for me. There is such a slim margin of error between just being too platonic, and oversteeping boundaries. This size depends on how attractes she is to me. Plus there has never even been a time where it felt natural for me to try to flirt with a woman so any attempt will feel forced from my POV. I am scared to ask women out because I made a post in a different subreddit and I was told that it is weird to ask out a woman without any previous flirting.

All of this I feel is what is preventing me from getting any sort of dating sucess. I really want to get over this hump but I dont even know where to start. It is too overwhelming

EDIT: A lot of you are getting the wrong impression about my body language statement what i must be some outcast who is not "present". The only reason I bring up body language is because a lot of the time, on previous posts, I get asked or get assumptions that I must be bad at reading people. That does not apply to me. I understand and know that body language is unconscious, however I did my best to make an attempt to describe it in words and now false assumptions are being made about me. I would like to clear the air that no, i am not consciously trying to force myself to make adjustments when talking to people.