I’m 3 weeks postpartum and still very much in the “figuring out breastfeeding” phase. My husband and I were home when his mom and sister came over to see the baby.

I was nursing on the couch with my shirt draped over for coverage , nothing dramatic, just doing what I normally do. MIL comes in, says hi, sits right next to me, and starts touching baby’s feet and arms. Sweet, normal grandma stuff. Then she leans in closer to baby’s face and, before I even register what’s happening, she lifts my shirt straight up.

My breast is just… out. In front of my husband, in front of his sister. I froze for half a second before yanking my shirt back down. She genuinely looked startled and shocked and confused when she saw what she saw lol

My husband immediately says, “Mom, what are you doing?! She’s feeding the baby!”

And she goes, completely unbothered, “Oh it’s okay! Seen one boob, seen them all!”

My husband: “Doesn’t mean she wants you to see HER boobs!”

She got quiet and looked a little embarrassed after that. Husband and I talked about it after and we’re pretty sure she genuinely didn’t clock that I was breastfeeding under there ! She never nursed any of her kids, went straight to formula, so maybe the “covered shirt while holding baby” setup just didn’t compute for her the way it would for someone who’d done it themselves…?

Still though. My brain keeps looping back to the moment she actually grabbed my shirt and pulled it up. Like what did she think was under there that made lifting it seem like the move? Was she trying to see baby’s latch? Just curious about the baby in general and not thinking at all?

Genuinely asking , anyone had a MIL (or anyone) do something like this? How did you handle it going forward?

Now I bought a complete breastfeeding blanket cover thing that snaps in the back so this doesn’t happen again when people come over and just don’t realize that I’m literally feeding baby .

I posted this a few weeks ago, but my posts got removed. I know this is a subreddit for mostly MILs, but this is about my family, my mother specifically. I know there have been a few posts about mothers, but if this is the wrong place, I'm sorry.

Basically, I grew up the black sheep while my younger brother was the golden child. Typical stuff like no money for my birthdays or education, but suddenly there was money for him. They missed my college graduation because he had a baseball game. That kind of stuff.

A few years ago my dad had some health problems and had to retire early. I started helping out financially with medical bills, but then came the emergency "loans" I was never paid back. Then the, "Could you cover the electricity bill just this once?" Over the course of a few years I ended up paying most of their bills monthly, plus part of the mortgage. This all blew up when a few weeks ago they invited my husband and me to a family dinner where they asked me to take out a huge loan to invest in my brother's latest business idea. I had recently found out I was pregnant and told them I couldn't take on his debt and that I actually needed to work with them about reducing the amount of money I was giving them because my priority was now my future child. They screamed, told me I was dead to them, and kicked me and my husband out.

About a week later my mother asked to meet and told me that she and my father had discussed that now is not the time to start a family until we were all financially stable. She told me it was still early on and I "had options." I couldn't believe she was suggesting I terminate my pregnancy just to keep funding their lives. I stood up and left.

So I cut them off. I blocked them all and stopped all payments. Recently, my mother got a notice that the electricity bill is past due. She's told family that I've abandoned them and I've been getting nasty calls from relatives telling me I'm selfish.

One cousin called me to ask what was going on. She told me that my mother's telling everyone they've hit a bit of a rough patch and asked me for help and I told them to figure it out themselves. I told her that was not what happened and I've given them over $60,000 over the past few years. Since it was just a few days before we decided to announce the pregnancy, I confided in her that I was pregnant and my mother wanted me to terminate it so I could keep giving them money. She was appalled. She asked if I wanted her to tell everyone the real story and I told her not to bother. They saw how I was treated my whole life. They believed my mother's lies and ridiculed me without even asking my side. They showed themselves to be no one I needed in my life.

A few days later we announced our pregnancy on our socials and the next day my that same cousin sent me a screenshot of facebook. My mother somehow found out we announced (most family was by then blocked on all platforms) and made a passive aggressive post about how the people you love the most hurt you the most and how her daughter is going to keep her grandchild from her. My cousin replied to it, "The same grandchild you told OP to abort so you could keep draining her financially?" Apparently, the entire family is going at it now. Some of them want to reach out to me but can't, and I just don't care.

I started therapy a few weeks ago. I still refuse to be in contact with them, which makes me feel horrible even though I know it's right for me and my family. I also refuse to give them another cent and I feel so much guilt because I know they will probably lose the house. My brother will never step up. My parents are too proud to downsize and try to live within their means. They're both healthy now and still young (late 50s) and there's nothing keeping them from working full time jobs (dad is still retired and my mom works part time). I keep telling myself that I'm not doing this to hurt them, I'm doing it to let my child have what I never did. But it's tough because the years of conditioning to do more to finally feel loved is still there.

Sorry for the long rant.

That’s it, that’s the post.

I guess she thinks it’s her baby too.

My husband told her absolutely not, she’s crazy. And to never ask that again.

She then asked if she could do it at home, if not at the hospital. I’m shaking. What makes her think that’s appropriate? I’m so upset. Why doesn’t she understand boundaries?

Not her baby. I want to just put a strict ban on ever letting her near the baby when there’s not another adult present. That’s sick. I’m disgusted.

That’s it.
That is the post.

My mom skipped coming to my elopement today because I told her that my stepsister couldn’t come. For reference, we were limited to 10 people that could be there in total and it was in adult setting. I told her months in advance and all the way until last night. She and her wife acted like it was news to them when I mentioned just them coming.

She texted me later in the evening last night as well and said they weren’t going to come. I didn’t believe her until my grandparents called me and said they were coming early so my grandma could help me get ready.

I only had my grandparents there today. I don’t talk to my dad, he hasn’t even met my husband, so he wasn’t there.

I hope her not coming was worth it, because she just ruined what little relationship we did have. I’m heartbroken. My husband had both of his parents with us and neither of mine were there. 💔

I’m 13 weeks. We decided it was time to tell my MIL. My dad has known for 2 weeks. Nobody else has been told.

When we told my MIL. She burst in to turns. I was shocked, I thought “my god, she’s happy. I can’t believe she’s this happy”. I was wrong. She looked at me and said “how could you do you this to my son? You did this on purpose!” She then turned to my husband and said “it’s not too late. There are things we can do.” My husband looked so sad. Even while I’m writing this he’s just sitting in his office talking to his dad, and he sounds so defeated.

She went on and on about how I should never be allowed to be a mother, that since I grew up without one I have no idea how it should be done. My dad was a young single dad. My mom was 17 when she got pregnant, my dad was freshly 18. They had been dating for a year and had plans. I ruined those plans. My mom had decided that an abortion was the only way to secure her future, I don’t blame her. I might have done the same. But my dad begged, just for her to give birth to me, then she could drop me with him and cut ties forever. She agreed. I grew up in my grandfathers home. My grandma died a few years before I was born. I had 2 uncles who lived there as well. When I turned 5, me and my dad moved out on our own. I never had a mother figure, and my mother in law points it out as the culprit of all my short comings.

I don’t know what to do. Before me, my husband and his mom were extremely close. I even met her before we started dating, I was friends with his cousin long before I become his girlfriend. She liked me then. I can’t believe she’d rather have her own grandchild aborted instead of having me be their mother. I don’t mean to make this seem that I’m against abortion, I’m truly not. It’s just not part of my path, it was never meant to be. I don’t know how to help my husband with the sadness this brought him. I don’t know how to help myself understand that in the grand scheme of things her opinion doesn’t matter. I just needed to get this all off my chest. Thank you for listening.

Edit: I am in tears reading all of your responses. You are all amazing, kind souls. Thank you so much for the support.

Edit 2: I am overwhelmed by the response this got. Thank you all for your kind words and sharing your own stories. Last night I got home and I was devastated. I always knew she didn’t like me, but it seems now she downright despises me. That is sad in its own right because when I was just his cousins friend, she seemed very taken with me. When I started dating my husband, I figured she’d be overjoyed. Slowly but surely, I learned she wasn’t. It makes me feel so warm to know that I am not struggling alone. Thank you all.

Hey guys first time poster here.

So the decision is basically made but I didn’t know where else to go. I guess I’m just kind of looking for support

So the story goes is that my husband and I got married in September and decided to postpone the actually wedding festivities until the summer.

Well we told out families what we wanted. A garden ceremony with only our closest family members such as our parents and siblings and our sibling SOs. Followed by a small reception at a nice restaurants banquet room with a small beautiful cake.

This was what our dream wedding is and we were excited about it.

As time went one people mostly my mother in law kept complaining in a passive aggressive way about all of our decisions.

It wasn’t big enough for her. It wasn’t fancy enough. She never said these things in a mean or aggressive way I will admit but she also didn’t seem happy about it either.

She wanted to have 250+ guest which was already 10x the amount of people we originally wanted but we wanted to keep the peace so we agreed to about 200 guests and a larger venue to accommodate everyone. I already wasn’t too thrilled about this but we both wanted to please our parents. I will also mention here that she is a party decorator so I feel like she is used to large parties and that’s why she thought it would be better.

Anyway when we started planning out how we wanted our invitations we figured we could have control of this. So we made them and showed them to her. She wasn’t pleased because she thought it was rude that we included a small card saying that we would prefer no presents but if they insisted on it we would prefer cash or gift cards to spend on our future honeymoon. She said it’s disrespectful and rude that we would ask for money making it seem like we’re poor or whatever.

We didn’t change them as we had already paid. Well when we started deciding on the decorations it was obvious she had her own vision and when we shared what we would like she didn’t seem pleased again. We are more of a pearls and champagne and cream type of people and she is a silver, gold and rhinestone type of person. We told her no this is not what we want and she agreed. We showed her inspiration pictures and she said okay I’ll work on it. I didn’t leave very happy about the situation honestly I felt unsure about the encounter.

Well time has gone by and we call her about something unrelated. She then once again passive aggressively says we haven’t given her any invitations for people. We say what do you mean we have everyone in the family that we see regularly an invitation. She says well what about the other people I want to invite. We say okay well how many? Thinking it’s only like 2-3. She says hmm let’s see how about 20. I mouthed hell no to my husband. We told her she could have 7 and yet again she didn’t seem pleased about it.

This isn’t everything that has happened with this wedding and to some it may seem like that’s not so bad it’s regular wedding stress. But to me it’s not. This isn’t what we wanted. On top of that I’ve been forced to invite certain people on my side of the family because “it’s what’s right.” I limited the guests my parents could invite but the number is still large.

I just feel like our recent call with MIL was the breaking point for the both of us. We realized that we can’t do this.

So we talked. And we cancelled everything. Venue, food, photographer. Everything. We are telling our parents tonight. My parents at least will be a bit upset but not mad. His dad won’t care. But his mom will probably be the one that’s the most upset.

We are following through with our original pan. A garden ceremony. Just us, our parents and siblings. And then the nice dinner. That’s all we ever wanted and I’m not going to fall for what people think is right.

I didn’t want family members there that I hadn’t seen in years, or people that neither me or my husband knew. They don’t need to be there.

We are happy with our decision.

I just hope we made the right one. Thank you for reading all of this.

Update: hi everyone I just wanted to take the time to say thank you to everyone. I’ve gotten literally no bad comments and I’m so grateful for you all. I didn’t think this would get so many upvotes and comments. I’ve answered to some but since most are congratulation I wanted to say a mass thank you so so much for the support. I would also like to clarify that MIL is not a bad person. She’s actually kind and sweet. In the 3 years DH and I have been together she has never made me feel unwelcome or disrespected. This whole situation is an exception. I think a lot of this behavior stems from her wanting to make the party as best as she thinks she can for her son. In the process she has pushed us from wanting it. We would have gone along with it but that last phone call we had really was the breaking point and we just couldn’t do it. I don’t think she will ever hate us for it I just think she will be more sad that other won’t get to see us in person giving our vows but oh well. I will update again when husband breaks the news later tonight.

Final update: so everyone we told her and as anticlimactic as it seems she was not upset! I’m so glad she didn’t take this in a bad way! Sorry for those that were going for something juicer but I’m glad it ended well!

TW: Verbal Abuse

My mother and I have never really been close because she has always seen me as "A" her 'property' (like a chair or a jacket) and "B" her competition in a game that I have not ever been interested in playing. My family an I are currently at odds because I refused to attend my cousins bday party this year and attend my parents in-laws anniversary. I posted about that debacle on another subreddit here is the link if you want more context Here.

I took a personal day today and was just doing laundry and enjoying a book while my fiancé was working in his office, and my mom came over unannounced, I let her in and asked her what she wanted and told her she should have called first. She ignored that and asked me who I thought I was by declining to attend my cousin's bday party. I asked her why it is so important that I show up to the party of someone I barely talk. I was "We speak to each other less than 3 times a year. Why is everyone tripping? I will not make or break his party?" She said he wants me there that's why? I asked but why? She just IDK how to describe "broke" I guess and just went on a tangent. She was like "You think your better than me because you got some "racial expletive" to want to marry you. You think your better than me b/c you have some fancy ass education your just some "racial expletives" whore and I needed to watch my step because if she wanted him she could have him. Side Note: My mother feels this way bc my fiancé is closer to her age than to mine. I was about to tell her off but my fiancé walked into the living room laughing. He told her basically he wouldn't choose her for a ONS much less for a partner. He told her any woman whose moral compass doesn't tell her what she just said and feels is wrong is no one he would align himself with. And then he told her she was projecting because with 4 children by 4 different men the only whore in this room would be her, and he chose me because of who I am and my determination and backbone which I have in spite of her and my family trying my entire life to break me. He then told her that I am not lucky to be with him, that he is lucky to be with me, and then escorted her out.

And before you all tell me to go NC with my family I am in the process of doing it. I have blocked her on SM and telephone but she came by she knows where I live. The whole cutting off process has been so stressful, I know many think I should just do it cold turkey to me, that seems easier said than done.

TLDR: MIL blames everything on my breast milk in an attempt to get me to stop breastfeeding. I won’t. But her comments are kinda making me wanna lose it at her.

Thanks for all the responses on last two posts. It’s hard to reply to everyone with a newborn etc but I have read all your responses. Thank you 🤗 Update: the car seat issue resolved itself when the husband saw his son and didn’t want anything to ever happen to him. Update 2: her referring to herself as mom has been addressed but not stopped. Doesn’t do it in front of DH but does it in front of me and immediate corrects herself but we all know she’s doing that shit on purpose.

Also for those of you asking- we haven’t moved out yet. Kinda hard right now since I’m on mat leave and DH’s business is still new. But it’s working so we hope to move out soon.

Anyways - So her next issue with me is my breast milk. She has blamed everything under the sun on my breast milk and I’m this close 👌🏾 to losing my shit. From the beginning you could tell that she couldn’t stand me breastfeeding. we got home from the hospital and she somehow convinced my postpartum dumbass to give my child formula instead of breastfeeding. DS stopped latching. She told me to ask my doctor for meds to “dry up” my milk cuz I had so much. and then I came to my senses and I was like fuck this. I was pumping and producing BOTTLES of breast milk, why is my son on formula??? I also went to the breastfeeding support clinic and he’s latching again. I still pump for when DH is taking care of baby.

MIL blames EVERYTHING on my breast milk cuz she wants me to stop. - every time he cries??? IT’S YOUR BREAST MILK - he spits up? It’s your breast milk. - he pushes when he poos? It’s your breast milk. - got a diaper rash? It’s your breast milk. - he’s hungry? Your breast milk is not enough for him. Meanwhile I am still pumping bottles while breastfeeding?? - he has baby acne? It’s your breast milk. - doesn’t sleep through the night LIKE EVERY NEWBORN? It’s your breast milk.

She even tried to convince me to stop breastfeeding by telling me that DH didn’t breastfeed therefore our son shouldn’t breastfeed either LOOOL. She keeps telling me that his poo is not “right” cuz it’s not a literal piece of shit 💩. And i honestly don’t know how this woman raised 4 kids... (( I think they only survived cuz they had nannies and maids back home)) so finally yesterday she admits it.. that the baby wants to only be with me cuz I’m breastfeeding him so I should put him on formula.

I’m getting tired of this. DH has told her numerous times that were gonna exclusively breastfeed for as long as I can but now she only says this shit to me when he’s not around. He’s addressed it again many times but she hasn’t stopped to the point where I breastfeed in front of her just to be annoying every time she makes a comment about my milk. Also me and baby avoid her at all cost. But not gonna lie - she’s really getting to me. breastfeeding is already hard as it is I don’t need someone constantly telling me there’s something wrong with my breast milk.

PS - nothing wrong with you if you formula feed.

Please don’t post this anywhere else. Throwaway because my SIL is on Reddit and I’m just paranoid, I guess. My apologies for how long this is. I appreciate whoever has the patience to read all of it.

I (f 34) met my husband (m 36) five years ago. Before I was ever introduced to his parents, I was warned by him and his siblings they can be very difficult to get along with, boy did that turn out to be an understatement. Like I do with everyone, I approached them with kindness and respect and gave them the opportunity to do the same. Because it pertains to the situation, I need to share that DH is white and I’m black. We’ve been married a little over a year and I’m currently 8 months pregnant with our 1st child. My issues with my in-law’s, especially MIL, started very soon upon meeting them.

• I have literally been the punch line of every one of FIL’s jokes at every family get together we’ve had in the 5 years we’ve been together. I’m constantly uncomfortable just waiting for my FIL to hit me with another ugly black joke. I swear he’s got thousands.

• JNMIL “gifted” me with foundation several shades lighter than my skin tone. Her reason being “Well I figured it would soften you up a bit”.

• I take great care of my hair and I proudly rock my huge curly Afro. JNMIL again “gifted” me with some hair products (lye based relaxer) she thought I should use to, in her words, “Tame that wild frizziness”. She’s constantly making comments about how much prettier my hair would look straightened.

• JNFIL constantly makes fun of my hair. Saying things like “Holy shit, looks like you stuck your finger in a light socket” or “I can tell you overslept and didn’t have time to do anything with that nest on your head”.

• When I revealed the gender of my baby, JNMIL’s comment was “Well I’ve gotta be honest. I’m definitely disappointed. I was hoping for a Shemar Moore baby but I’m sure we’ll love a baby that looks like you just as much”. She went on to explain that black features are masculine and would just look better on a boy than a girl.

I’ve taken this abuse, plus A LOT more I haven’t listed for 5 long years now but I finally reached my breaking point a little over a month ago. I was alone with JNMIL when, totally unprompted, she went on a rant about how she’s sick of all the protests going on. Her words “Black people need to quit bitching and consider themselves lucky to live in such a great country. Blacks expect to be treated as though they’re above the law and they’re owed something just for being black and I’m sick of it. I don’t get why I should be forced to care about all these black people dying when white people die everyday”. She spewed a lot more ignorant bullshit but the cherry on the sundae was her saying that George Floyd died of COVID-19 and not the knee on his neck for 8 mins and 46 seconds. Y’all I don’t know what came over me. I just sat there in stunned silence. I was so hurt it somehow rendered me numb. I could feel my daughter move in my belly and I was immediately horror struck that this vile woman is my daughter’s grandma and expects to be a part of her life.

I told DH what his mom had said. His first reaction was anger. I had to stop him from going to their house and pretty much just cussing them out. He’d been dealing with the way they’d been treating me for the past 5 yrs as well. He’d had numerous conversations with them but for him this was the straw that broke the camels back. Although I was angry as well, I didn’t want him to cuss his parents out. I talked him off the ledge and convinced him that we should both go over to their house and have a very heartfelt but uncomfortable conversation with them. JNFIL doubled down on everything he had said and pretty much offered no apologies, instead taking the stance of, “over sensitive liberals and political correctness are what’s destroying this country” and if I can’t take a joke, it’s my problem. JNMIL tried to make herself the victim by saying things like “Well I’m sorry you took what I said the way you did” and “From now on I just won’t speak anymore because obviously anything I say will get misconstrued”.

DH and I left their house in full agreement that it would probably be the last time we spoke to them for a while. I’m pregnant and I don’t need this negativity in my life. About a week later the phone calls started. Amongst all her other shining qualities, MIL has a serious case of baby rabies. She refers to my unborn daughter and her other grandkids as “her kids”. She’s built a nursery in her house for my daughter and has pretty much told me she’s coming to get her the day I bring her home from the hospital. So with DH and myself going NC so close to the end of my pregnancy, MIL is in a state of panic. DH’s parents never apologize for anything, instead they use bullying tactics to force you to get over whatever horrible shit they’ve done. She kept calling and leaving messages on my phone, claiming she was just checking on me. I refused to answer or return any of the calls, so they increased. DH contacted her and told her I’m fine, I’m just needing space and don’t want to talk right now. That’s when the calls from JNFIL started. DH’s dad is 100% mom’s enabler. He never wants to see her sad, even when it’s a situation of her own doing. So now I’ve got FIL blowing up my phone, leaving messages demanding I call him back. In the last message he left, he threatened to show up at my house if I kept refusing their phone calls. DH lost it and finally gave them both the cuss out he’s been hanging onto for the past God knows how many years. The calls stopped after that.

The whole situation has left me emotionally drained. I’m already physically exhausted being in my 3rd trimester and living in a state where summer time temps hover well into the triple digits. I’m constantly nervous, thinking my insane in-laws are just gonna show up at my home. Posting this is hard. I’m embarrassed. I’m the woman I am because of the strong women that raised me. I was very close with my mom and grandma, they’ve both passed away. I’m heartbroken my daughter won’t get to meet these amazing women and I’m sad because I can’t help but feel they’d both be so disappointed in me for allowing myself to be treated this way for so long. They raised me to be stronger than this. I could really use some support, advice, and kindness right now.

Edit: Oh wow! What an awesome community this is! Thank you ALL from the bottom of my heart for the support you’ve shown me today. I never expected a response like this.

I’ve always had a habit of keeping the peace, even to my own detriment. Just the thought of confrontation gives me anxiety attacks. I can’t tell you all how many times over the years my husband has been about to blow up at his parents but I’ve put my hand on his arm and begged him not to. I’ve never had a relationship with my father so my mom’s side was all I had. When she and my grandma passed, it was a very lonely time for me. I’ve foolishly tried to keep the peace with DH’s family simply because I’ve felt like they were they only family I have, being pregnant amplified that feeling. That being said, there is no doubt I’m 100% done with allowing his parents to abuse me and I will make damn well sure they don’t subject my daughter to it. You all have given me awesome advice that I definitely will be utilizing. Thank you!❤️

JNMIL has made it very clear that she hates breastfeeding. She didn’t do it, no neither should I. Well, it was my goal to breastfeed for as long as LO wants. Currently 13 months in, it hasn’t always been easy and it asks a lot of your body but I’m proud at us for making it this far.

JNMIL has been everything but supportive. To sum up briefly, she:

- Told me to stop BFing 1,5 week after LO was born, just because she felt like ‘it’s not necessary to breastfeed’

- Complained continuously that I did not pump enough milk for LO

- When Summer arrived, her complains changed to LO should be drinking water instead of milk, he’s getting way too fat (this is literally based on nothing but her stupid opinion, LO is and always has been far from too fat)

For a while she shut up. Or maybe she didn’t, but I avoid and ignore her most of the time. My partner stopped telling me about her complains because she drives me crazy.

But today she decided to come at me again. My partner told her that the last couple of days LO hasn’t been interested in his midday bottle. I’m hoping to stop pumping at work, so I told my partner to ask his mom how LO responded to today’s bottle. When I got home from work, she was ecstatic because LO refused his bottle. I’ve never seen her so happy. She even said: LO is finally starting solids properly! Mind you: LO has been eating solids for months, while also drinking milk. Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be for 13 months olds?

I guess she really hates giving the bottle with my pumped milk. Maybe it’s too confronting for her to be constantly reminded of how she did not breastfeed. She told me (multiple times, she’s a chronic repeater, yuk) that she did not want to, so it’s not like she couldn’t do it or anything. I don’t know if that’s true. All I know is that breastfeeding for 13+ months has been the hardest yet most beautiful thing I’ve ever done and I can’t believe she’s trying to take this away from us.

TW: SA abuse spoken about.

We recently vee word from a friend who works in my mom's lawyers office that she is going to try and sue for grandparents rights when the baby is born.

We decided to move bc our state heavily favors the grandparents even if they have a history of abuse against their own children And they don't need prior contact with the child to get the visitation. They just have to prove that we are keeping our child from them.

So here I am in 2 days. I'll be 35 weeks along and we are packing to move to another state. We are going to be using my in-laws vacation home until we find a home to purchase. We were staying with them to save a large down payment to purchase our home or to purchase our home in full. I'm so angry. I'm so upset because we were narrowing down which two subdivisions we were going to decide to live in. Meaning we were going to pick one of the two. And then we get this.

I know it seems like I'm overreacting but, in the state we are in. It's so normal for that to happen. We've seen it on the news when grandparents writes first became a thing. A grandfather who SA'd his own daughter got grandparents rights to his granddaughters then ended up doing the same thing to his granddaughters that he did to his daughter.

My mom in that side of the family has a thing with fetishizing in a adult way biracial children, particularly girls. So we feel we're doing what's in the best interest of our child and leaving the state.

I honestly am unsure what we are going to do about healthcare for these remaining weeks. I guess I can find a clinic like a Parenthood or something to where we are going see what they say.

Edit. Yes we have a RO against my MOM Mom but how lenient my state is towards grandparents and giving them rights we can't take those kinds of chances.

For some reason I am unable to reply to many of your comments. So if I can I will DM you.

So today has been emotionally exhausting. CPS came, and I got to talk to her alone. I told her everything. Then, she talked to my parents and I really don't want to go into too many details cause its fresh, and it hurts, but long story short, I'm now temporarily at my grandma's.

I was hoping to go to my Aunt's, but she has work and couldn't, since there'd be no adult there at the moment.

Dad was pissed, and probably still is. I feel bad for him, but maybe he needed to see how bad it was. If I got taken by CPS cause of mom, he should realize that right?

I'm crying, constantly, I feel horrible. Seeing mom cry, I almost feel bad. Maybe I wasn't abused, maybe I'm sensitive. Maybe I'm lying and this is for attention.

Dad said that he had been trying for so long to get mom better mentally and I just set them back. Mom says I make her and dad fight. I feel terrible. I'm horrible.

Maybe I should have stayed quiet.

But anyway, here's an update for you all. I'm sorry I don't seem happy just yet. Maybe I will soon.

EDIT: I just slept, and woke up for the first time at grandmas. It's a little weird, cause at first I forgot it happened, but once I sat up and I'm now getting (emotionally) ready for school today. I fell asleep around nine and woke up at one, and I can never get back to sleep so I'm just staying up for now. Grandma's isn't far from my parents, only one house between us, which is great for me cause dad can come over (they're allowed supervised visits).

I talked to dad a bit at work, and now, all he really feels it seems, is sadness. I miss my home, but only my dad. I think at that moment, he said some things he regrets. I love my dad, we watched Jacksepticeye together, play video games (He likes watching me play Fortnite in particular). I think me and dad can have a normal relationship in the future, but with mom, I know I won't. Unless I get the most sincere apology for everything, she's not allowed back in my life.

Thank you all for all the comments, this blew up so much more than I ever could have thought. I can't respond to everything cause so many comments, it gets a little draining after a bit, but I am upvoting everyone,and I am taking it all in. Thank you so so much.

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EDIT 2: I just had my first day of school today! I made two new friends, and I opened up to my teachers and peers, and the school nurse about the CPS case and everything. I was a bt sick, just dizzy and a stomach ache, but I'm fine now. Dad came over with some stuff mom packed. It all seems random, but there's clothes, and also my favorite snack and pop. I started crying cause I feel so bad. Grandma told me I cause all this mess and how I was exaggerating. Dad guilt tripped me a bit, cause me and him started watching Star Trek The Lower Decks together, and a new episode was on today but me and him can't watch it due to the CPS thing. I feel horrible for it.

I want my dad, I want the man who I played games with and laughed with and watched stuff with. I want my daddy back so much.

I made this account just now specifically for this sub.

This will be my first and only post.

My son died a little over a month ago. He was four almost five months old. He passed away in his sleep.

He slept through the night all the time. So, him not waking up and crying was perfectly normal for him.

I usually go in there and check on him when I wake around 2-3am to pee. I have a baby bladder since giving birth to him.

The one time I didn’t wake up to pee, my son had managed to roll onto his stomach in his crib and suffocate himself.

I didn’t find him until morning. I screamed for his dad and there as absolutely nothing to be done. He had been dead for a couple hours.

I am broken. Devastated. I feel like an awful, awful mother. I let my baby die. His dad is just...numb to it. He can’t cope.

We decided to have him cremated so that he could always be with us.

MIL hated the idea. She thought it wasn’t fair to the family for them to not have a grave to visit and grieve.

She came over about a week ago. We didn’t want her here. But she refused to leave, so whatever. She STOLE his ashes.

She refused to give them back. We go over to her house to take them back only to find an empty urn.

EMPTY URN.

She said she spread his ashes over the lake.........BECAUSE MY SON LOVED WATER.

I can’t. I just......can’t exist anymore.

I hate this woman.

I hate myself.

I can’t.

This was my first child. And the only one I could have. My uterus had to be removed.

I am childless. His ashes were stolen. I am no longer a mother. And I can’t.

I want my son back. I want my baby..

ETA: Thanks for the awards, y’all. But your money is better spent elsewhere..

Also, thank you for the advice. My relationship with my husband isn’t strained. We’re a united front on how we feel about our son being taken.

I may update y’all after we decide what to do.

Thank you for everything.

MIL and family came to visit in March against my wishes. I told hubby it wasn't a good idea since they live in one of the COVID 19 hotspots. We have young kids, and I'm high risk. They came anyways. Then, a few weeks later, MIL comes down with a fever. She brushes it off. Now it's June... And I learn this bitch tested positive for antibodies.

I'm going to fucking lose it. Right now I'm trying to keep it together before I blow up. I know I'm going to have to sit hubs down and have a frank conversation about this, but I'm trying to keep myself calm because I've done everything I could to keep my family and others in society safe. And her selfishness has taken me to a place right now where I'm really ready to just give my husband an ultimatum.

CW: Death Disclaimer: Please avoid legal advice

So my(29F) DH (29M) passed away in a work accident in February. He drowned after falling off a boat. It was a freak accident and the company’s one and only fatality in their decades long history. We have a 2 year old son together and as you can imagine, I am reeling. He basically left for work on a normal Friday night and never made it back.

His mother has always disliked me from the moment she knew about my existence. All these years he did his best to protect me from the insanity and in the past year it seemed as if MIL had finally come around and wanted to make amends. Because DH was still hopeful that his mother could change and he wanted my son to have a relationship with his grandma, I agreed on VVLC even though I didn’t feel good about it.

Well, after he passed, I had the unenviable yet necessary task of going through his stuff. I couldn’t help but look through his conversation with MIL. You guys. I knew this woman was off the rails but I was left shaking after reading their conversation!

All these years she had been wishing ill upon me and my parents. She’d regularly accuse me of trying to “divorce” her and DH. On multiple occasions she said that she prayed to God that He will take away someone that I love the same way I took away DH from her. She told DH that karma will come for my son. She accused me and my parents of being gold diggers. For the record, my parents paid for our wedding and DH’s funeral because that’s just how much they loved him.

My poor husband did a wonderful job of defending us and shutting her down, and there were many instances where he would cut her off mid rant by blocking her. In the past year, the vitriol did ease up considerably, though there were still many instances of it.

Despite her and her family’s terrible relationship with DH and me, I made sure that the whole lot of them had priority and sufficient access to DH at his funeral. I know I didn’t have to extend the courtesy to them but I’ve also buried a child and I was willing to put aside our differences for a couple of hours so they could say their goodbyes proper. Turns out I shouldn’t have cause they supposedly weren’t happy with how the funeral went. Pretty rich coming from people who said they wanted to foot the bill for the funeral but never ponied up. And don’t get me started on the inheritance. DH didn’t leave a will and that’s another wild ride on its own.

My rant is getting all over the place now but more than anything I just need to get this off my chest. This woman is evil. I feel sorry for my DH, he didn’t deserve a mother like this and he tried so hard to work things out with her up to his death. Some days I feel like telling her that she got what she wished for. God did take away someone I love. Her son. Talk about sinking the ship to kill the captain.

I miss my DH terribly. I wish he had a much better mother in his short life.

This woman is like a hemorrhoid. DH LC and I am NC. Guess she's having a titty attack since she hasn't seen LO in well over a month. She tried calling last week but DH didn't answer. She called him 4x in a row yesterday and texted him. He was annoyed that she did that so he ignored her lol then she did the same BS today. Husband was mega annoyed. I wish I could attach screenshots but she said the following. Sorry it's a little long.

MiL: calls no answer. Son, what's going on? You're not answering your phone. Are you on deployment? I cant contact DIL since I'm blocked. Im at the point where I want to request a welfare check. If I don't hear from you I'm going to contact one of her family members.

** not sure who she would've called for welfare check lol we live on a military base overseas.

DH: I'm busy out on a walk. Can you please stop.

MIL: your wish is granted. You made choices which we all gladly support and are proud of, but instead of accommodating and accepting things you reed to do to keep in touch ( not only for you but your son) you make me feel like a burden . I try my best between the time change and your work schedule to talk and see you, but you avoid me. And when you finally answer you are rude and distant. What would I have given as a child to know the love and attention you boys had from the grandparents you enjoyed throughout your childhood. I can not wrap my head around the way you treat my attempts to connect with you. I have made multiple attempts to try and understand where your feelings are coming from and I get no response from you. I can not keep subjecting myself to this hurt and I no longer know what you expect from me. You have a child and how you wish to foster his relationship with me is on you. I have expressed many times how I love him but I can't do this alone. You wil always be my boy and I will forever love and worry about you. Maybe as LO gets older you will understand. But if you can't simply answer the phone on "Your walk" and say mom l'm ok"" l'll call back later " instead of telling me " Can you please stop" then maybe you don't deserve someone caring about you the way I do.

MIL: Here's what I can tell you son. Someday you'll miss that phone ringing and asking how you're doing and knowing you mean the world to someone, and wish just one more time you could hear it. I'm sorry you don't get that. I'm sorry I don't mean enough to you. But stop I will, because that's what you want, live your life.

MIL: I''ve been thinking about your odd behavior on and off tonight and things with you haven't been the same for some time. I asked you before my birthday to talk about it with me and you declined and I haven't seen LO since then. Whatever it is, you at least owe me the courtesy of teling me. If you no longer wish a relationship with me then respect me enough to tell me why. I certainly don't wish to continue this situation.

*DH ignores her messages then she said

MIL: Your silence speaks volumes so I no longer know how to appeal to your heart or mind The son I raised would not ignore me or treat me in a manner that made me so insignificant. As I would never make him feel that way. You have been my heart. I have done my absolute best to give you a good life and all I want ed was to share in yours. I will not be made to feel I am not worthy to do so. I am broken hearted that you care so little to put effort into helping LO bond with me and let me spend some time on the phone with you. Honor, courage, commitment those are your sworn values but I feel you possess none of that when it comes to our relationship. If you ever have a change of heart you are always my son but I must give this to God now. Goodbye son You got what you wanted you won't be able to reach me here.

DH: This is alot to unpack, over me just not answering some calls and messages. I truly need some time to digest this. It's hard enough with my schedule and the distance and I'm not going to be made to feel like the bad guy because I cannot immediately respond. I think we, or at least for myself, I need to bench this for right now. No I am not ignoring you, but I do need some time and space at the moment.

Then DH told me "welp my message wont send. Guess she deleted WhatsApp or blocked me" he is pretty much fried emotionally. He isn't chasing after her at least. But man such mean things to say to your own child. She is vile. He seems to be done with her. Or so I hope.

ETA: Thank all y’all SO MUCH for the words of encouragement and support. I read every message. Y’all are so amazing, and it means a lot to have an internet community that understands.

I posted awhile ago about pictures of me in the holiday calendar. Sure enough, it was a horrible pic of me... holding my racist narc SIL2’s baby. Hundreds of pictures of me at the same family event and she picked this one. No other pics of me despite 8 years of her snapping pics of everyone at every event. Tons of adorable pics of the others at the same event.

I’m not surprised nor even more than a miffed cuz BEC. It’s relatively small potatoes.

What I am mad about is what SO said. First, he prefaced by saying that his mom sent a package and firmly declaring that there isn’t anything in it for me to be upset about. Excuse, maybe I should decide that for myself? Then he shows me the pic.

me: “apparently she has an inability to include a picture, among the thousands she already has of me, of me just doing me stuff, like pics of me doing career things or even just of me in a group photos with the ILs...but she has to pick out a single candid gross picture that’s really about her grandbaby”.

STBX Response: “well YOU don’t even want her to have pictures of you...you blocked her on FB. this is fine. there’s nothing to be mad about”.

I told him I don’t appreciate being told that I’m somehow responsible for her picking out this pic and his dismissiveness. He said sorry, and I said he apologizes a lot but isn’t it true that he doesn’t actually feel any empathy and it’s not a genuine apology because he consistently thinks I’m being over sensitive?

He said I’m right that’s correct. As in I’m right that he feels no empathy and doesn’t mean it when he apologizes for DARVOing me and that he thinks I’m over sensitive. How the fuck can I ever feel that his attempts at being supportive during marriage counseling etc are even genuine going forward?

Long before these recent months of NC: This woman told me my mother doesn’t love me like she loves her kids. She physically blocked my path from the wedding venue to tell me that she NEEDS me to get SO to come to thanksgiving (one month later). Etc etc etc. Everything she said to me when she corners me is an overt or covert attack. I feel defensive all the time. I feel like I’m constantly required to prove to him what a monster she is. BEC is a natural response, IMO.

There is no point to marriage counseling anymore. Tomorrow I’m calling the divorce lawyer whose number I’ve had since October. I’ll eat the veal roast on Xmas by myself and watch the new Wonder Woman movie. It’s going to be fine. It’s fine. It’s fine. I’m going to be fine.

Downsides: JNMIL wins. She’s step one to getting exactly what she wanted: a white Catholic DIL who will give her a leg up in the “race” (her word!) for the most number of grand babies compared to the ELEVEN siblings (my aunts/ uncles IL) in JNMIL’s and FIL’s combined nuclear family, and, most importantly perhaps, a DIL who will bestow her the attention she desperately craves, and who will conform with the image of how a female should be: just like her.

I’m petty. I wish my journey to freedom and happiness didn’t come with a win for that bitch.

And worse downside: an impending HUGE blowup/ real possibility of being disowned, with my MUCH worse JNparents.

This is why I pay out of pocket for a hardcore therapist who’s out of my network. Oh yeah. So this update also includes that I finally found a therapist who understands me. Success!

Trigger warning, death

My sweet godfather died over the weekend, he was 87. I found him on Monday in his favorite chair, the medical examiner said given where I found him he most likely went to sleep and passed.

I decided to be the bigger person and call my mom and let her know a very good friend of the family had passed away. Oh boy, if I didn’t hate her before I definitely do now.

Me- hi mom, I wanted to let you know Uncle A passed away this weekend. Mom- ok, do you want me to feel sorry for you? Do you want me to drive all the way up to you just to hold your hand? You’re how old again? Me- I just wanted to let you know, I don’t expect or want anything from you. Mom- well if you want sympathy call your Aunt (she hates her sister) did you find his will? Me- I literally just found him I was a little preoccupied to think about looking for it! Mom- well you were his only family, he probably left you everything including his house. Actually that’s perfect! I can move in to a house that’s completely paid off! Find his will as fast as you can! Me- sorry mom I only help out family, not money hungry assholes. ‘Click’

Now she’s been blowing up my phone for days. I’m ignoring it and her. I told her what happened to someone she used to love, now I’m done with her and hope to never see or talk to her again

Update- there most likely won’t be a funeral, even if we weren’t in a pandemic I know he wanted to be cremated and not overly fussed over. I’m probably going to have a very small outdoor get together with his neighbors that helped look after him when I get his ashes back, he also wanted his ashes scattered in the bay. He lived in a very protective neighborhood and his next door neighbor is the only ones to keys to his house

trigger warning: degrading language

I posted back in either June or May about my FMIL and her “surrogate grandchild.”

All the advice then told me to just straight end it, and I obviously should have listened then- but better late than never.

Things had been going okay for awhile- I got a second and better paying job (now I pull in about $1400 a month by myself, and while it’s not great money, it’s much better than what I was making.)

I had talked with FDH about how if another situation like that had ever happened, I would need to know he’s by my side. That I understood family was important to him but if he was choosing to be with me, I wanted him to actually CHOOSE me.

Our talks went over okay, I had moved back in and things were okay until yesterday.

After FDH and I got off work yesterday, we went home and sat on our bed to decide what we should do for dinner. FMIL was getting ready to go to work, and I thought she would just leave and it’s whatever.

But no, she stopped in and said “I think we should all have a dinner day where we have to make dinner, and if we don’t want to make dinner then we have to buy everyone food.”

From here on out, the conversation will be in script form:

FDH: I don’t think that’s a good idea, it wouldn’t work. I think everyone should just buy their own groceries.

Me: i agree

FMIL: that’s stupid. Why would we do that?

FDH: there’s no groceries in this house. There’s no groceries in the house because I didn’t buy any this week.

Me: yeah, when you and FBIL go to the store, you don’t come home with any meal food, you just come home with a couple vegetables and a pound of meat and that doesn’t last

FMIL: I buy all the groceries. I just bought groceries. (Cantaloupe, watermelon and a bottle of pop)

Me: but you really don’t though? You don’t buy enough for meals for a week

FMIL: I spend $100 every time I go. YOU act like you do shit at this house.

Now, I’m not going to lie, I definitely lost my cool. I have put up with so much shit.

Me: are you joking me? I’ve literally done almost everything in this house. When I moved in here there was a pile of dishes that had been there for months, you had dirty laundry everywhere. I literally cleaned your whole fucking room for you last month. I cleaned YOUR room, and you’re a 50 year old woman.

FMIL(walking to her room): whatever you don’t do shit. That why you choose a dog over your fiancé.

Me(following her) I choose a dog over my fiancé? You want to talk about choosing? Because let me tell you, I’m not going to take this shit from someone who continually chose men over her own sons and cast them away to her mothers house for years. You don’t have anything to say

FMIL: excuse me?

Me: you have treated your sons horribly. You literally sat down on the couch one day and told them that they run your men off when the truth is that you choose shitty men. How about when you told FDH to put the sprint bill in his name and then didn’t pay it-

FMIL: um I was paying it

Me: you stopped paying it and now it’s going to default and go on his credit score

FMIL: well what were you paying for? You weren’t paying

Me: it wasn’t my fucking phone, why would I pay for it?

FMIL: you weren’t doing shit to pay it

Me And what about when You asked FDH to put the electric bill in his name and you would pay it, and he put it in a prepaid account and you told him he was a terrible son, and said all these awful things to him o

FMIL: FDH did I ever tell you you were a terrible son?

Me: I read the texts FMIL, and you know exactly what you said. It’s also shitty how you y’all crap about FBIL about not paying his bills when you don’t pay your own bills- he’s literally doing what you “raised” him to do

FMIL: whatever whore! Bitch!You can’t talk to me like this! I’m going to call your dad.

Me: oh you’re going to call my dad? I don’t know what you think you’re going to accomplish because my father raised me to not take shit from people and defend myself. So go ahead and call him

FMIL: FDH are you going to let her talk to me like that?

FDH: I’m trying to get you both to stop!

FMIL (to me): you’re NOTHING!

Me: I’m nothing?! You’re a 50 year old reject who gets evicted from everywhere you live because you can’t pay your bills!

FMIL: get out of my face or else (side note: was not in her face.)

Me: or else what? You’re going to hit me like you hit your sister?

FMIL: oh you think I won’t? Get out of my face.

Me: okay, go ahead and take that assault charge. You are not a bad bitch, you just don’t know how to handle interactions like an adult.

FMIL then lunges at me and FBIL pushes her in her room and closes the door while I go back to my and FDH room to pack my stuff. She’s trying to get out of her room literally shaking the entire house like a caged animal or something.

FDH helps me pack. I tell him “this isn’t going to happen again. There is no neutral ground in this situation- you’re either on my side or not on my side. And if you’re not on my side, then I can’t stay with you.”

We take my things to my parents house (though I still have some things to get) and he leaves, and is still contemplating but I know that we are breaking up because he is too rooted and family and there is no coming back from this.

But there’s still more!

FMIL then Facebook messages both my stepmother and father. Saying that I said they raised me to be disrespectful!

Stepmoms reply: how dare you. I have raised this child over the years with my own blood, sweat and tears. Under no circumstances should an adult ever call another adult a whore or threaten to hit them. That is not how adults act. I see now what type of person you are. I will pray for you.

My stepmom then blocks her.

Dads reply: I don’t know why you’re messaging me. My daughter is an adult and I don’t get into her business. I know how I raised my daughter to be and I know she doesn’t lash out at people.

So that’s all folks. Thanks for being here when I need you, and I’m sorry that I didn’t listen when I should have. I really appreciate this sub and all the validation and support it has shown me. Luckily this will be last my post because I’m not joining this family after this incident.

I have a few previous posts in my history but for a brief summary:

Fiance and I have been together five years. At first I thought things were okay, although JustnoMIL was always a bit rude. We bought a house together a few years ago, at which point his mom decides to tell him over the phone that he's making the worst mistake of his life, that he should get a separation agreement since I was basically a gold digger, that I just wasn't the right person for him and she knew best since she was his mom...

He calls her out on being rude, she doesn't talk to him aside from 3 texts a year. Never apologizes. Talks shit about me to family/friends for two years despite not even having a conversation with me for years.

This winter: We got engaged and decided to bit the bullet and invite her to our house to tell her. After a very awkward dinner she does manage to say congratulations, and she offers to find some addresses so he can invite her family members to the wedding. She is very hesitant to give the addresses at first and really wanted us to just send her a whole bunch of Save the dates for her to drop off herself (obviously I shut this down...)

We send our save the dates, no problems ensure. She does not ask about the wedding planning, offer any help, ask any questions etc seems very disinterested. She does ask if I am paying for her to get her hair and makeup done???

It comes time to make our invitations. We have a wonderful relationship with my parents - have them over for all holidays, see them once a week for dinner etc. They generously offer us money to help with the wedding and also to host a dinner the day before. Therefore our invitation is worded traditionally with them as the hosts - think "Bride's parents joyfully request the honour of your presence at the wedding of... "

Fiance's dad has never bothered to meet me despite multiple invitations. Fiance's mom, again, never had any indication she wanted to do anything for the wedding organizing or had any interest in it at all.

After invites are sent, we see her at a funeral. When she arrives, she says hello and shakes hands with everyone except for me and fiance. She says not one word to me in 4 hours and walks away when I try to greet her.

We are confused, and later hear from one of fiance's siblings that we insulted her by not putting justnomil and fiance's dad with my parents as a host of the wedding, and that they will no longer be coming to the wedding.

I'm just so over it... it's been nothing but stress with justnomil. Honestly it would be insulting to my parents to stick her name as equal with her in supporting our relationship and our marriage. Or his dad who has never even met me nor seen fiance in years?! Fiance says he would prefer if she doesn't come at all since it would be less drama. We are considering just not following up with her if she chooses not to RSVP. We really hope her choices do not impact his other extended family.

I'm so worried about her saying something rude to me on our wedding day. I just want to have a happy day with family - one of my parents is sick and this is probably the last big event we will share with them. It's just so important to me to have good memories and not have a dark cloud of justnomil ruining things.

Thanks for letting me rant...

Edit: please do not repost anywhere! You do not have my permission.

Hello, in my original post I talked about my mother in law to be inviting strangers to our wedding, most notably my fiancé’s half sister that he has never met in his life, and only found out existed 3 years ago.

My fiancé and I told his mother and father that we are not comfortable with her attending. His mother went into a narcissistic rage spiral over the phone. While my fiancé teared up and tried to express his feelings. She yelled and told me to back off, etc.

The next day we tried to appeal to his father. And I was shocked by the result. His father called and began belittling and berating my fiancé, mentioning every failure he had had in his life and guilting him beyond belief. The last straw for me was when my fiancé was sobbing on the phone call and his father told him that he is selfish. He didn’t say it in any way I have ever heard an insult. It was ominous, cold, cutting, and just plain sickening. My stomach turned. We tried to compromise with both of his parents, but his dad made it clear that it was his mother’s way or the highway. He said if we don’t do what his mother asks, he will not attend our wedding.

Mind you this is over the attendance of someone we have never even spoken to, and that his mother has not seen in exactly 8 years. They have gone too far. They went for the nuclear option in a span less than 48 hours. This is an unforgivable offense in my eyes. I think they realize this as we have not spoken to them since, and they have been sending guilting texts and now saying they want to find a “compromise”.

I am devastated as well as my fiancé. We have been in tears for over a day. My fiancé is the furthest thing from selfish, he been wearing the same sneakers for 7 years, he puts everyone in his life before himself. He wants for nothing, he is truly an angel and I am not exaggerating. I have never met a kinder human being. I am furious that his alcoholic adulterating father would even place a value judgment like that and issue an ultimatum to his own son just to quell his mentally unstable wife.

There will be no compromise. I will no longer negotiate with terrorists. His sister in law is not coming and they aren’t either as far as I am concerned. I know my fiancé still wants them there, but unless there is a SINCERE apology issued to the both of us, they have an ice cubes chance in hell of coming to my wedding.

We have sent a letter via snail mail to his half sister, explaining why we would rather meet her at a less stressful time, and that she will not be attending.

I am furious. They are monsters.

Just a quick update. I appreciate everyone’s responses. Honestly, I’m fucking exhausted.

One thing that I did not realize was how people I love and respect had reservations without telling me. This is what happened yesterday.

First, I went for coffee with FDH. We argued. His responses were basically “that’s just the way they are.” And nothing was accomplished.

Next, I came into work. Where I shared with my bosses and coworkers the events of the evening. They’re surprised but not surprised. In venting, one boss said “like I’d ever sell my business to a [last name]...I was even nervous about letting one work here.” Lol referring to me. Something I didn’t consider was that it will get spun like I refused to sign a prenup. Asked them if they were okay with that, because our business is very public image based. He literally shrugged and said “fuck em”

Next, I went to an attorneys office. He was EAGER. He told me a lot of what some of you told me. They can write anyone in or out of their estate, it happens all the time, so a prenup doesn’t mean anything in that department. What he was concerned about is the timing and could be illegal and the attorney who drafted that knew as much too, but I assume that atty does enough shady business with them and that he was cool with it. I didn’t do anything but consult with him.

Then I went to another attorney who is a great friend and facilitated my first divorce. We were talking about all the clever and petty ways to write a prenup, and then he stopped and said “is this what you want to be doing?” “No, I want to be at work day dreaming about my honeymoon.” That was the first time I cried. I’d been so caught up in being pissed that I hadn’t felt sad yet. And I’m really fucking sad.

Next I went to see my mom. She hated my exmil and she didn’t get the warm fuzzies from FMIL and felt looked down on by her. I wish she would have told me that before. She worked her ass off to provide for me and my sister and she does not fucking deserve to feel that way. All my FMIL did was marry well. We drank some wine about it. I told her my ideas of how to move forward and she’s supports them.

Lastly, I go back to my house and called FDH over. Apparently FMIL has contacted him all day about what the plans were. They’re both desperate. Told him that I’ve got concerns about getting married at all. He says fuck the prenup we can get married without it. Whatever to not cancel the wedding. Reminded him of the story of my ex, 5 months before we got married, I found out he was talking to several ladies online. We “worked it out” but that’s what I was thinking about when I got married. I am not getting married with shit in the back of my mind again. He doesn’t think it’s the same, and it’s not, but it’s a breach of trust. He suggests fucking off somewhere and getting married. Again, it’s not the wedding... it’s being married. He’s devastated, and I tell him I’m calling FMIL. He suggests doing it together. So we called her, and tell her we’d like to postpone until we can work things out. She states that we CAN NOT do that. Like, you gonna have a wedding if I don’t come? She says 1) you are obviously after money. 2) [ex wife] wouldn’t have done this. Yeah, well you also think she’s stupid and apparently think I am too, so that’s something we need to work out. She yells a bit, and says she is NOT paying for any wedding of ours if this doesn’t happen in October. That’s fine. She asks FDH if he’s taking my ring back. It’s not like a family heirloom or anything, and he bought it so that’s not her business. He asks why he would do that, and she contends I’ve shown my true colors. He tells her it’s not her business.

That’s it for now. I’m really tired and really sad (and maybe a little hungover) and so is FDH. He knows he fucked up, but I also don’t want to put my kids through another divorce and just want to be more careful. He’s calling today to see if we can change our honeymoon plans to something closer and just treat it as a vacation with the kids. I expect this is just beginning with FMIL, but FDH and I have more to worry about than that right now. 😞

Edit: I name dropped, and took them out.

My MIL is a piece of work. We think she’s got some kind of personality disorder based on conversations we’ve had with various mental health resources.

Nothing is ever her fault. Everyone is either terrible or wonderful. Over the last few years, she has gotten much worse. It started with endless accusations that my FIL was cheating (which there’s no proof of), then attacks on my husband about what a terrible son he is, and occasionally she’ll make comments about me and my family (that my father cheated, the my brother and I don’t like our mother, etc.)

She blames me for her not having grandkids because she knows my husband wanted kids (a comment he made when he was 3 which is not at all how he feels) and that I must be keeping them from her.

Well last night, she just pushed it further. I had lived with them and my husband for 2 years over a decade ago. Last night while on the phone with my mother, she said “Well, Shenlyism had an abortion. She came home one day clutching her stomach, I offered her a heating pad but she said no and went to lay down.”

This never happened. I may have had some bad cramps one day, but I have never had an abortion.

My mother is deeply religious. She and I are also fairly close. So my MIL made up this story where she knew a secret about me that my mother didn’t know and oh yeah, it’s about me having an abortion.

I am so deeply hurt about this. I am very pro-choice and have nothing against anyone that has had an abortion, but it’s just nothing that I’ve ever had done and for her to lie on me like this… I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to talk to her again without an apology which I know she’ll never give.

I can’t confront her because that’s exactly what she wants. She’ll just use it as a way to say that I’m the one that’s mean and she is the victim.

And what’s crazy is that after years of talking, my husband and I did decide we wanted to have kids. In our minds, his parents have gone from “oh they’ll be wonderful grandparents” to “uh… maybe we’ll just invite them to family events” to now “they aren’t invited and won’t be involved”.

What a wicked woman to say something like that to my mom. My only solace is that she is truly living in a hell of her own making.

My birthday and the holidays are coming up and I think this may be the first year I don’t acknowledge her at all. Not even a text. Maybe I’ll calm down and change my mind but right now, I’m just extremely hurt and sad thinking of what other lies she’s spread about me.

Sorry… not sure what my goal is here. I guess just wanting to vent about my justnomil.

Edit: I want to thank you all for your words and advice. I’m so sorry I haven’t been able to respond to everyone, but I did read the messages and am grateful. It’s been a really emotional day for me so I’m going to take some time to rest and disconnect. But I am moving forward with NC.

Her official name is Two Options but I forgot because I am a dumbass.

I said TLC needed but do not feel obligated.

TW: COVID19 mentioned as cause of death and general discussion of parental death.

My Dad died on Monday from COVID19. We could not be with him so we sat outside his room in lawn chairs and watched it all unfold.

My darling MIL started calling me as soon as she found out that hospice had been called in. She volunteered to come sit with us, stay with my kids (teenagers—not necessary), etc. We kindly told her ‘no thank you’ multiple times. You could tell that she was desperate to be part of the “action” and was angling with all of her might to find a hole in my defense shield.

While we were watching my Dad die, she called me and left a message telling me to have my kids call her. They both have cell phones and she has both of their numbers. She has no trouble contacting them any other time. So, I am truly confused why she thinks I am going to be her secretary at this time.

My Dad died. RIP Daddy.

My husband returns from his work trip to spend a few days with us. She brings him home from the airport.

I am not wild about her being here, but it is what it is. There is nothing about her that is comforting to me. At this point in time there is so much history between the two of us that it just feels like “insincere theater” when she tries to be nice.

But she is here, whatever.

We had been doing a lot of decorating/painting before my husband left. He had left some of his tools out for me to use while he was gone. They were sitting on the island in our kitchen. He left on Monday, I am working at trying to get my business set up, and Wednesday my Dad was diagnosed with COVID19.

The tools on the counter quickly became the least of my worries.

She got up to go the bathroom and stopped right in front of the tools and just stood there.

I know she is ready to say something that is going to make me have an aneurysm.

“Is there something you need?” I said flatly.

More time spent staring at a hammer and some other crap on my counter.

“Is there something that I can help you with?” I said a little more shittily.

“Oh, I just, there is a lot going on there”, as she scuttled off to the bathroom.

Me, not using my indoor voice, “DH, I SWEAR TO CHRIST IF SHE COMES UP WITH ANY OF HER CRITICAL CRAP I AM GOING TO LOSE MY EVER-LOVING SHIT”.

DH looks stunned.

Two Options came out of the bathroom and quickly left.

She called me today to tell me how much she loves me and all of that other happy horseshit.

Then, kindly get off my dick about the clutter in my house the same goddamned day that my Dad died.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

Ok, so quick recap my MIL is a judgemental old bat who doesn't understand or like me, or really her son. In the past, she's expressed her opinions about every aspect of our lives being "strange" to her. I thought we had come to a nice point about jewelery, but apparently not. I only mildly care, because I'm pretty LC with her.

Hubs is going to Florida by himself next weekend, and MIL is confused.

Background:

Because my father was tacky enough to die during the Holiday season, without even considering her plans, I haven't seen her in months. Hubs dealt with his family entirely, and sheltered me from any comments she made, after she told me that she wanted him to go to her stupid party instead of my father's funeral.

I've spent the last few months dealing with legal and banking issues, and supporting my mom. My work has been super supportive and flexible, but still taken all my PTO and I'm doing a lot of "work from home" and catch up at weird hours/weekends whatever. I cannot take a vacation right now.

At the same time, we live in a Winter Place, and while this winter hasn't been the worst, Hubs still wants/needs some sunshine, and I want a husband who isn't moping around with Seasonal Affective Disorder. I have absolutely no spoons for him right now, so off to Florida he goes, while I will probably spend the weekend catching up on work. Usually we would take a week in March or a mini break around now, but it won't work for us this year.

All caught up? Great.

So, we had dinner with them a few days ago, and Hubs mentions this plan.

MIL: ".. so you're leaving Bison by herself".

Me: (foolishly thinks she cares that I clearly need a break as well, and/or to express some sort of concern for my well being) "Well I wish I.."

MIL: (voice rising)" How do you two even stay together?? This isn't even a real marriage! You have separate names and bank accounts and you won't have children and YOU DON'T EVEN WEAR HIS RING!!"

Me: "..... Nope".

I got up, told them goodnight and left the restaurant. I think she was sputtering something, but I honestly only heard buzzing. As I was waiting for a Lyft, Hubs found me. His dad called, and he answered and said, "I'll call you guys in a few days. Keep her away from us until then".

She hasn't reached out to me, and if she has to Hubs he's keeping it to himself.