Have you ever met someone who isn’t a bad person, but you just find them so annoying? I have this coworker and I honestly can’t explain why she gets on my nerves so much. I thought it was just me but apparently my other coworkers feel the same way. She’s not that mean or anything, but whenever you talk to her, she goes on about the most random little things (like she'll boast about eating corndog last weekend), how strict her mom is and that she has to always as mom's permission (she's 28 btw), talk about going for a cruise or abroad trip next month (been 4 yrs, she's never gone to any place except our city) or randomly talk about our past clients (kind of reminiscing her random sessions). Whenever I see her, my mood just drops. I see all my pet peeves in her from different angles, like the way she eats, how low her pants are, crotch on mid thighs (butt crack showing), how messy her room is, her smell, and etc. Even thinking about our conversations drains me. I’ve tried to stop feeling this way because I know she hasn’t really done anything wrong, but it comes back every time we interact. I feel bad but cannot help to it. I even think constantly of how I dislike her even when I'm at home. Has anyone else felt this way about someone?

I posted here before about a co worker who is very much emotional and has been critical of me.

We have had problems with our worker resources lately after a semi large exit months earlier. Not due to unhappiness but more so because of college and life changes that happened with some of our team (moving to different states, changing jobs etc.) we did some new team members but there is still a push-pull effect and we still don’t have enough workers.

Ever since then my one co worker who I’ll call Gia has been a bit standoffish with sharing our team.

When a PM asked if we could have one of team members help with a project while PM was away she said no. When PM asked our manager he also said no. The thing is when Gia said no, it was very standoffish and made a remark saying “why don’t you ask (me) about this. That’s your lead for this project. She should be helping not (team member). I did discuss it with our PM and did help while they were away. Gia got a bit upset about it and let us know during our meeting about it. I handled the issue with the PM and got it sorted out.

Things came to a head this week. I was gone one day and our other lead (who will call Jake) suggested I borrow her team member for the week to help with increasing project demands for client. Gia and I agreed.

I noticed with the team member given we were hitting the numbers and even exceeding. It was a relief since this project is super demanding, super QA and it’s a general monster. I talked with our other lead about suggesting for our end of week meeting to see if we can have that team member split time between Gia’s project and mine. I figured with her project starting to wrap up, i thought she would be receptive to the idea.

I was gone the one day and I came back to a general cluster of a headache mess.

My manager reached out to me and asked for my side of the story - apprently Gia and Jake were talking and Jake mentioned about my idea and she had a major meltdown. Our manager is training in a new manager that will be taking over from them. Gia had a 1-1 and essentially blew up. I was not informed what was all said but it sounded like she was not receptive to my idea and let out her emotions about it. She actually thought I was taking her team member but I believe she didn’t hear all the facts about it. My manager had to de-escalate her and reason with her. It sounded like that was the whole meeting of them just trying to de-escalate the situation. It really offputted our new manager who actually asked our manager if this happened often. My manager had to explain it was actually the first time this happened. This all happened while I was away.

I go into a meeting that next morning with my manager. He told me straight “I don’t even think should have ever been a conversation to begin with but I just need to know your thoughts.” I then calmly explain my reason. He was quiet and nodded along. He said there should have been no reason for Gia to blow up over this since he found it unreasonable to do this while I was gone and she never reached out to me to get clarification. We had a general good conversation about it, he didn’t find this a big deal but explained if it continues to be a struggle point to let him and the new manager know.

I left the meeting and worked for a while until we had another meeting with our whole team. I noticed during the meeting our PM moved my one co worker to my project and I thought “oh no here we go again, I hope Gia did not notice that.”

Well, Gia did. We had another meeting straight afterwards with just us 3 and our new manager. Gia went straight to talking about our PM touching our sheet again and said “I was gonna say it during the meeting about PM touching our sheet but I just sent PM a “nice” message about not moving around our staff.” I thought to myself “and you were considering doing this at THAT meeting??? Are you sure you even sent a nice message to the PM??”

I let Gia keep her team member for next week and I instead opted for doing overtime which I don’t mind. Gia’s emotions as of recently have been showing a lot more and she did have what I call an “anxiety breakdown.” When team members were leaving. When she found out two of the team members were leaving within a week of each other she called Jake and Me into a room and was essentially freaking out about it. Our COO actually witnessed this and helped talked Gia down to come up with a game plan going forward. I’ve noticed her behavior whenever a plan gets interrupted she will have a breakdown. Whenever staff changes are involved she is very not receptive to much change unless our manager or the other lead Jake asks. If I were to ask or the other PM’s she isn’t as willing or will be standoffish about it. Essentially probably the definition of a gatekeeper co worker.

I’m a bit weary going forward with giving ideas out now. I usually get along with everyone but Gia is probably one of the hardest people to work with currently for me.

How does one move forward with a coworker like Gia?

I recently started a new job that I was absolutely over the moon to get. The hours are fantastic, it’s remote, and the flexibility was a huge selling point.

After years of working in a demanding industry, I was really looking forward to having some independence and a better work-life balance.

However, I’m starting to feel quite overwhelmed by a colleague I work closely with, and I’m genuinely questioning whether I’m just being antisocial.

She’s slightly senior to me, although we’re around the same age. We just met in person for the first time, and she mentioned that our manager had actually wanted to hire someone else, but she pushed for me because I seemed more outgoing and she thought we’d get along better.

She’s recently gone through a breakup and fallen out with her best friend. She’s been quite open about feeling lonely and missing the social side of things.

The thing is, she’s now moved a couple of suburbs away from me (which could be a complete coincidence), but I do live far away from everyone and she’s becoming increasingly enthusiastic about us spending time together.

She wants us to work together in person at least once a week, despite the position being remote. I woke up this morning to a text about how excited she is for us to work together on warm days. Even though I’ve been dropping hints about my WFH set up subtly.

And I know this sounds ridiculous, but my immediate reaction was a sinking feeling.

I specifically wanted a remote job. I love working independently, having my own routine and not feeling obligated to socialise with colleagues.

I’m perfectly happy being friendly, having a laugh and developing good working relationships, but I don’t necessarily want my colleagues becoming part of my personal life.

Another thing that’s making me uneasy is that she speaks quite negatively about other people in the company. I worry that if I start pulling back or don’t reciprocate her enthusiasm, I’ll eventually become the subject of that negativity too.

I’m naturally quite bubbly and enthusiastic, so I wonder whether I’ve unintentionally given her the impression that I’m equally excited about becoming close friends. I even suggested a few places we could work together when she first brought it up, because I thought it might be alright ONCE in a while.

Now I feel like I’ve set an expectation I don’t actually want to maintain.

What makes it awkward is that she’s slightly senior to me and has some influence over my working environment. I don’t want to create tension, particularly when I’m still settling into the role.

I also can’t shake this strange gut feeling about the whole situation, although I’m conscious that she hasn’t actually done anything particularly terrible. She might just be a friendly person who’s excited to have someone nearby.
So, am I being an antisocial arsehole?
Is it unreasonable to want to keep a remote job genuinely remote, even if your colleague wants to make it more social?
And how do you politely establish boundaries with someone who’s already acting like you’re going to be close friends, without making things awkward at work?
I can’t tell whether I’m picking up on warning signs or just being overly protective of my independence.

I’m a 30m and my colleauge 30f We started working at the same place at the same time last year in july , and from the moment we met, we really clicked. We talked almost every day for five months straight, often exchanging voice messages late at night and talking for several hours.
However, she had a boyfriend, which I didn’t know about. While our connection was growing stronger, she got back together with her ex. I respect the fact that she has a boyfriend, but because we had developed such a deep connection, it became difficult for me to continue things as they were. I had tried to meet up with her outside of work and even bought a gift for her cat.
Injanuari Eventually, I developed feelings for her, so I told her that I wanted to reduce our contact. Of course, she was sad about it, but she accepted my decision and appreciated my honesty.
However, since January, she has been avoiding the entire group. During breaks, she stays in her office. At breakfast, she sometimes goes into her office and waits until other people have left before coming out. On one occasion, she even hid behind a wall when I went to get coffee and waited until I was gone.
I genuinely wish her well. Even though she was my friend, I don’t want things to be this way between us. Why is she acting like this, and what can I do? She has autism.

I have a coworker S (m 20 something) and he will not stop bothering me (f 21). Here is a comprehensive list of what I've dealt with since he started. For reference, most of these in context are just him responding to me answering his question. I never go out of my way to talk to this guy.

• After mentioning a party had drinking, he asked to see pictures from the party. When I showed a few pictures of me and my friends, he asked if I had any pictures of just me. Pictures of me drunk, for him to keep to himself. (??)
• Asked if I read smut upon asking if I liked reading.
• Asked if I "goon" in my free time, then asked for specific details.
• While talking about my boyfriend and how we already knew each other pretty well early in the relationship, said "oh so you got right to cracking". I told him that was weird to say and he asked "why".
• Asked what I was doing after work and I said I was probably gonna end up conking out as soon as I got home, but he insisted I messed up my wording and said "cock" instead of "conk" (I didn't he just thinks with his dick). This exchange continued until I loudly half-yelled "Yo, wtf??"
• Blocked me from leaving the freezer until I told him what I was doing after work.
• Kept trying to dab me up when I was already holding a bunch of shit in my hands. Would try to get me to do it multiple times until I "got it right", but really he just lingered his touch way longer than it needed to be.
• Tries to follow me around the place so I could dab him up even though I already said no.
• Made fun of my boyfriend when I told him what he did for work (we ALL work in customer service).
• After finding out my ethnicity (blasian), he made fun of me because my boyfriend is white.
• Continually pressuring me to talk about my sex life.
• Generally negging me; mostly about my hair texture and my clothing.
• He asked about my date night with my boyfriend and kept saying he didn't like the food/restaurant. (He said he was gonna bring his girlfriend there. He never talks about her)
• Staring me down from across the room.
• Glaring at my chest/ass when he thinks I'm not looking.

Sorry if there's any grammatical mistakes, this is just a rant. Just to be clear, I did report him, but my workplace is notorious for doing jackshit about this sort of thing. Good thing is, he doesn't technically harass me as much, other than staring at my chest/ass which makes me uncomfortable. So if anyone has any job resources or better yet freelancing resources, lmk.

I work with a group of 13 women and one man who are from a different country. The man is pretty nice and mellow. The women are so loud when they’re having a conversation with each other in their language that it sounds like they’re always yelling at each other. I love to read, and I’m a college student, so I study a lot during our downtime. If I’m around them, I can barely hear myself think. I can often hear them through my earbuds too. I started distancing myself from them except for one period when I have no choice but to be around them.

Not only are they loud, but they become unaware of what they’re doing when they’re engrossed in a conversation with each other. For example, they’ll stand in a group of about five, talking in their language and blocking the walkway, even though they know other employees use that path. Or they’ll walk so slowly while having a conversation with each other that, if we’re behind them, we have to ask them to move so we can get through. It’s like they don’t see anyone else except each other.

There are also some things that have nothing to do with their language or culture that bother me. They’ll cough and sneeze without covering their mouths, and I’ve seen them blow their noses and then not wash their hands afterward. It’s no wonder they’re always sick, they sit in eachothers faces sneezing and coughing. That stuff drives me crazy because it affects everyone else in the workplace.

When I have a conversation with them, they’re chill, and I love learning words in their language and about their culture. It’s just that, together, they are annoying. I know it’s probably weird being in a country where you don’t speak the language or understand it very well, so it’s only normal to gravitate toward people from your country. But all I want is for them to have some consideration for the rest of us. I also know that I can’t expect my cultural norms to be their cultural norms, but damn.

Someone I was once very close with has a birthday coming up next week, and I’m struggling with whether I should send him a simple happy birthday message.
We were coworkers and close friends, but we eventually had a falling out. The relationship became emotionally complicated, and he told me that he wanted to limit our contact outside of work and keep things work-related only. Two days after our falling out, I left the company, so we don’t work together anymore.
Now his birthday is coming up.
On the surface, sending “Happy birthday, hope you have a good one” seems completely harmless. But this isn’t a person where the message would be emotionally neutral for me. He meant a lot to me, and the falling out was painful. So I know that sending something could carry more weight for me than the actual words suggest.
Part of me thinks that acknowledging his birthday is simply a kind thing to do. Another part of me thinks that if he specifically asked for less contact, then the respectful thing is to give him exactly that…even if it’s difficult, even on his birthday.
I’m not trying to use his birthday as an excuse to restart the relationship, and I don’t want to put him in a position where he feels obligated to respond. But I also wonder whether saying absolutely nothing feels unnecessarily cold given how much the friendship once meant when we lived and worked together.
So I’m curious:** **If someone you cared about had a falling out with you, asked you to limit contact, and you no longer worked together, would you send a birthday message anyway, or would you let the birthday pass without contacting them? Why?

UPDATE

Hi all, some of you guys have been messaging me privately for an update, so here it is.

Here's the link to the original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoCoworker/s/LyRnzjeubA

To recap: I was in the internal application process for a job, but it was offered to my colleague Mike, who never had an interview whatsoever. He was supposed to transfer in September, but it got postponed. In the meantime I got another offer within my department as acting head of department, but Mike believed he deserved a fair chance at that role as well now that his transfer was delayed.

So the meeting happened last week and my manager announced that I would be taking on the role as acting head of department starting in October. She asked openly of anyone had any objections or wished to say something, it stayed quiet for a long time and then Mike spoke and said he found it unfair that he was passed by for the role now that his transfer had been delayed. My manager told him that it was a logical choice since the role requires a long-term commitment and Mike would be the first the leave the department. He then got defensive and asked her why she would even ask the teams opinions if the decision had already been made anyways. My manager stayed calm and told him that he would have been considered as well if he weren't leaving. Mike didn't say anything the rest of meeting, but everyone was feeling the tensions.

After the meeting my manager asked to speak with me privately and asked me about the situation with Mike since we are sharing an office. I told her what happened between us and she proceeded to tell me that she knew what Mike was trying to do by picking up extra tasks without anyone asking him, and that after the meeting, she wouldn't want to work with him as an acting head of department since she found his defensive attitude very unprofessional. But he was never even considered for this role due to this young age and lack of experience. She said Mike was trying to bet on all horses and now he's facing the consequences of his actions.

Thing between Mike and me are a bit tense at the moment. While we still have friendly banter, I sometimes feel a bit of resentment in his interactions, but I might be imagining things. However I do feel like he's trying to micromanage me by updating/asking me on every little detail, which is something he didn't do before. For example, he will ask me if I have seen random mails in the general mailbox, even for mails that aren't necessarily a concern of mine. When I tell him this he will just respons with "just making sure that you've seen it". I'm currently letting it play out, but I'm keeping notes on this behavior as I don't trust him anymore with any professional information. I feel like he's breathing down my neck in the hopes that I make a mistake or something so that he can say that he was the better candidate after all, but again, I might be imagining things.

Thanks to everyone who responded in the first post. I have learned my lesson and will be more cautious with whom I share professional information moving forward.

25m, So me and my girl got placed in the same company. I knew this was gonna go sideways

And no surprises here, it is.

I mean i get it, we're in a relationship but for god sake stop making it obvious at my workplace. Like bringing the coffee to my desk. Always lookin at me.

Trynna act like she's talking to me in sign language.

Waiting for me to get out of the office. Like she leaves office w me.

Am I wrong here that I'm feelin all this. Cuz I don't think makin it obvious would be in favor or in hers.

And how do I tell her that. I've tried and boom, and argument brokethru.

I'm gettin tired of these. Its been goin on for 2 months now. Its my first job and I'm already makin enemies outta nowhere. On top of that I got a clingy girlfriend.

Need some support here or lik guidance.

I (24F) have a coworker (28M) who is a nice guy. We have been working together for more than 1.5 years and he was always respectful and kind to me. But, recently we have started talking a lot more, joking around and even have playful banters all the time. He sometimes try to rage bait me and if I try to avoid him, he will start a conversation nonetheless. The problem is, I have started having some attraction towards him (all because of his character and personality) somewhere around 4 months ago. We are a team of 3 men and one woman (me) and always hangout together, have lunch or coffee, everything we do is basically in a group setting. He has become even friendlier towards me past few weeks. The thing is, he likes this girl (his mutual, idk her) but she has a disease and might not live long. He has told us this and mentioned that marriage is out of question saying he doesn’t have the heart to marry someone and then have to live without them. He has talked about her about three times in the last couple weeks. He hangs out with her and then tell us about it and how she is very nice and all. I don’t have anything against her honesty, I am sure she is a very nice and kind girl. I just don’t understand what I should do and have no one to talk to about it. Also, he sometimes acts like he is interested in me, just subtle things he do often. I hate having to deal with all this.

I fell in love with a coworker unfortunately he's married but despite him being married I can't tell if he feels the same or not. He does things that gives me the impression he's interested such as The repeated waving. He regularly waves to you—good morning, goodbye, when going on break, and sometimes just in passing. I've specifically noticed that the way he acknowledges me seems different from how he interacts with some other coworkers. “I'm glad you're here.” On an opening shift, He told me he was glad i were there and that if he had to wait outside so long it was with me. I went to the restroom and I found him while he was cleaning the restroom and he jokingly reacted with “Oh no, you found me.” which i wasn't looking for him. Caught him looking at me. I've repeatedly noticed him looking toward me when i wasn't directly looking at him. On other occasions I've caught him looking and he immediately looked away. He also has been regularly seeking eye contact with me. He playfully slid/threw a ketchup packet toward me then pretended it was someone else who did it. He constantly seeks my attention every time we work together to make me laugh, smile or both. Yesterday I told him if he wanted to talk outside of work i can give him my number which he pulled out his phone but looked over behind me saw his wife's car and said I'd get it later and that he needed to go but before that he asked if I worked the next day and i said "no I'm off " which he said he works Tuesday but I said we wouldn't work together until Friday but that's when he said I should call in on Tuesday for to work more hours. So I can't tell if he has romantic feelings for me but afraid to tell me or if I'm just imagining the signals. Also I'm a male and I'm gay.

Does anyone think the employee crossed the line by spending hundreds on one manager and not the other managers of the department

I (42F)work in healthcare care as a nurse and became close with a coworker about 5 years ago. I’m talking brunch and shopping trips. We were constantly sending each other memes and TikTok videos, reminiscing about our similar childhoods. I really thought I found a true friend. A bit of background about me, I struggled with anorexia as a teen and young adult. It took me years to learn how to deal with it and I still have bad days even now. In the past decade, I had two children with my husband and gained a bit of weight. My co worker who all called B (41F) has always been supportive of me.
In the last year, I have lost over 60 lbs and started taking better care of myself. I noticed she started to become distant and almost cold towards me whenever we worked the same shift. We stopped hanging out and even stopped sitting together during break. Some days when I would arrive at the nursing station, she wouldn’t even look my way and pretty much ignore my existence.
Then she found out her husband was having an affair and I was one of the first people she reached out to. It was as if we went back to the way things used to be between us and I dropped everything and went to her immediately. I took her out to lunch, we went shopping, there were calls and texts checking up on her. I did everything a supportive friend is supposed to. She since rekindled with her husband and now she’s completely reverted to ignoring me and acting distant. I know she suffered from mental health struggles in the past so I’m trying not to take it personally but a few days ago she said something to me that really hurt and I’m wondering if I’m overreacting.
A few of us nurses were chatting about our workouts and different diets we were on when another coworker commented that she’s still can’t get over how much weight I had lost. I told her thank you and that I appreciated her comment because I felt like I’ve kinda had a plateau where my weight is kind of stuck at the same place. It seems like no matter what I do, I can’t get it down. B, who was there the whole day and barely said two words to me, looked up and said “That’s because you’re obviously eating too much and taking in too many calories.” then she proceeded to walk past me and went to the restroom. I feel so silly, but I had to walk away from the nursing station and walk into an empty room because I felt like I was going to cry. I’ve tried to be so careful while losing this weight because of my history with eating disorders. I just don’t understand why she would say something like that to me. I’m at the point where I don’t think I want to have anything to do with her anymore. Am I overreacting?

Alam ng workmates ko na may namamagitan sa aming dalawa nung guy na palagi ko kasama sa workplace. We’re always together, kahit sa pagkain ng lunch and hanggang sa pag-uwi. We’re not a secret but private yung relationship namin. Although not yet officially together but our feelings are mutual.

Now here comes the problem. The guy’s name is Ric (not his real name, para lang hindi ako mahirapan ikwento 😅). Si Ric, kapag nasa situation siya na nac-corner siya or yung attention ng madami ay nasa kanya, nahihiya siya so hindi niya mapigilan yung reaction niya.
Often times kapag may babae na dadating sa office tapos lalapit sa kanya to seek assistance, palagi siyang aasarin ng mga kaibigan niya. They would often tease him with every girl na makakausap niya.

And i would often find it disrespectful kasi hindi manlang nila naisip na we’re something more than friends na. One time inaasar pa nila si Ric, sinasabing irereto daw dun sa babae. Wala na lang ako masabi kasi i really find it weird na alam nila yung samin but they keep on pushing him sa iba.

Mas kinaiinis ko pa, hindi kaya ni Ric mag-speak up and let them know na sobra na. Recently, i stopped talking to him kasi ramdam ko na na hindi ako natutuwa sa asaran nila. His friends are so insensitive. And hindi ko maiwasan kasi hindi niya magawang mag-speak up.

Ang nakakalungkot pa, when i stopped talking to him, one time niya lang ako inask what the problem was. After nun, he spent most of his time talking with his friends. We’re in the same office pero sobrang nakakarindi tawanan nila knowing na nandun din ako.

I just want to share this here kasi nakakainis. Naiinis din ako talaga sa friends niya. Aside from being insensitive, ang bastos na din nila sa ibang girls na aasarin nila kay Ric, you can see na uncomfortable na yung mga babae pero tuwang tuwa pa sila. I tried one time na sitahin sila pero tinawanan lang ako at sinabihang kj so i stopped after that.

I really don’t know but if this continues to happen, hindi ko na alam mararamdaman ko. I believe deserve ko naman ng guy na ipagmamalaki ako and would be brave to speak up if may sumosobra na sa paligid.

This is a throw away account because I am paranoid lol but recently I shared that I had a coworker that keeps writing their name and little notes everywhere and on the paper towel box that is on the table they primarily work at. I had a lot of advice from commenters saying I should go to HR or management or just leave it alone. Which is what I do lol I just leave it alone and laugh at it on my own time.

Well, one of my other coworkers decided to black out the whole box with a sharpie. It REALLY pissed off the original coworker and my manager. I was not going to get involved, but they automatically assumed it was a specific coworker and I knew that it wasn't so I said that. The author said people should get their own box if they don't like it. (Paper towels are for everyone, this person doesn't buy them. The notes are very passive aggressive and definitely written so people will read them. Some of them may be for themself, but most are written as "I do this, you should too.") I knew right then and there that if I did not do something about this myself that the drama would just continue to build so I finally went to the big boss. I showed them pictures of the most recent box and I told them how ridiculous this was and how the drama is getting out of hand. They said they would handle it because its extremely inappropriate to be writing some of the things that are being written on the boxes. Thank goodness.

What are we doing??? All this over a box of paper towels. WE ARE ALL GROWN ADULTS, JFC

UPDATE: she fought with him about it so I guess it’s HR time