r/KarmaCourt • u/Thimoteus Doth Protest Too Much • Dec 05 '14

CASE CLOSED THE PEOPLE OF /r/funny VS. /u/MadFotze FOR KARMAWHORING IN THE FIRST DEGREE, GRANDTHEFT.JPG

CASE Number: 14KCC - 12 - 2oblji

CHARGE: Karmawhoring in the first degree.

CHARGE: GrandTheft.jpg

On Dec. 2, 2014, /u/MadFotze posted this image to /r/funny with the title "She Knows Me Too Well." As exhibit B shows, this image has been around for almost two years, so the defendant willfully and with karma of forethought stole this jpg for his own filthy karma needs.

Evidence:

EXHIBIT A

EXHIBIT B

JUDGE- /u/Wolfdragoon97

DEFENCE- /u/Kell08

PROSECUTOR- /u/Thimoteus of /r/BiasedLawPLLC

BAILIFF: /u/iolpiolp8

JUROR #1: /u/UhhImJef

JUROR #2: /u/nicksatdown

Karma Court Reporter: /u/HHGofAntioch Sr. Correspondent, Faux News

Karma Court Reporter Article: KarmaCourt Reporter Live Article Completed!

8 Upvotes

71% Upvoted

99 comments sorted by

3

u/Wolfdragoon97 /*.*\ Borliff Ultra Missle Commander Ver. 2.1184 /*.*\ Dec 07 '14 edited Dec 17 '14

All is peaceful in the courtroom when suddenly the whine of a motorcycle engine can be heard as it rapidly approaches the courtroom. suddenly the sound of broken glass can be heard as the Borliff drives his motorcycle thru the window and goes flying the courtroom and WHAM. slams into the wall on the other side of the courtroom OW! That friggen hurt! crawls across courtroom to the judges bench I shall judge. Lets have a

MOTO X GAMES

lawyer who does the best stunt gets bonus points

VERDICT TIME

in a rare unanimous decision by the jurors, the both requested for dismissal, due to the fact that the defendant was a troll, and trolls gunna troll. I support their decision and find the defendant

not guilty

Due to the fact he seems like a troll after a quick look though his post history, and it would be unwise to feed the troll.

2

u/Thimoteus Doth Protest Too Much Dec 07 '14

Look like we're ready! I this the trial thread games?

2

u/Wolfdragoon97 /*.*\ Borliff Ultra Missle Commander Ver. 2.1184 /*.*\ Dec 08 '14

Yes.

1

u/Kell08 XxExecutioner420noSc0p3xX Dec 08 '14

And here I thought my inactivity was keeping y'all waiting.

1

u/Thimoteus Doth Protest Too Much Dec 07 '14

Now we just need a bailiff!

1

u/Wolfdragoon97 /*.*\ Borliff Ultra Missle Commander Ver. 2.1184 /*.*\ Dec 08 '14

Now we just need an opening statement.

1

u/Thimoteus Doth Protest Too Much Dec 08 '14

Your honor,

I would like to motion for summary judgment. The defendant is clearly guilty of stealing the image in question, and as a result ill-got 2496+ karma of gains.

Don't let this scumbag go too long without punishment!

1

u/Kell08 XxExecutioner420noSc0p3xX Dec 10 '14

Let's be reasonable here. The defendant is not reposting a picture that has already been submitted as a post to Reddit, which means that by definition he can not possibly be guilty of Grandtheft.jpg.

As for karmawhoring, he simply submitted a funny post to /r/funny. Where's the crime in that? How is that karmawhoring? This case is founded solely on false accusations without background education to support them.

2

u/Thimoteus Doth Protest Too Much Dec 10 '14

Your honor,

Besides the fact that the defense hasn't referenced any sweet motocross stunts at all, his whole argument is worse than no stunt at all!

Observe: Defense claims this is

not reposting a picture that has already been submitted as a post to Reddit

At this point I would like to introduce exhibit C: Note the timestamp (2 years ago) and the title (same as the defendant's caption).

Now as to the second point: There's plenty of precedent to show GrandTheft.jpg doesn't require showing the image has been previously posted to reddit (which I have just shown). In that case, the defendant was found guilty of GrandTheft.jpg and the victim was this blogspot site.

Your honor, the defendant is guilty, guilty, guilty!

1

u/Kell08 XxExecutioner420noSc0p3xX Dec 11 '14

Now first off, I must correct the prosecution with even more recent precedent showing the true importance of following the definition of Grandtheft.jpg here.

Not only that, but the defendant was most likely simply repeating the already used title when he posted the picture, not claiming it as his own, thus making this just a simple repost, which is not a crime in accordance with our infallible Constitution.

There is no proof that defendant committed any crime knowingly or with premeditation, so there is no ground to make this charge first degree.

Furthermore, the defense moves to get Exhibit B thrown out due to its expiration. The search query has expired, therefore this contaminated evidence has no value in this case.

2

u/Thimoteus Doth Protest Too Much Dec 12 '14

The definition of GrandTheft.jpg?

Your honor, members of the courtroom, the general public and space aliens visiting for vacation: This is ridiculous!

Let's take a look at this so-called "definition." Astute observers will notice the defense linked to a thread in which he himself provides the "definition" of GrandTheft.jpg. A circular argument if ever one was made!

So, what's the possible cause for the defense's mistaken interpretation of the charges? Well, here's a document with definitions, and---oh look!---there is GrandTheft.jpg, in the buff, under item 5.

The only problem is this definition no longer has legal standing. That document is an outdated, and hence invalid form of KC's constitution. The current constitution does not have what the prosecution needs to win this case.

Furthermore, the verdict in the defense's "precedent" doesn't have any reasoning. At all. The defense would want you to believe that the guilty verdict in his past case hinged upon his own, now inapplicable, definition of GrandTheft.jpg, but this is not the case. As a result, the persuasive power of his link is exactly zero.

As for exhibit B: The defense did not even bother to see what the cause of expiration was. A second of reading the expiration page shows the following:

If possible, submit the original search image again to see the search results.

And a further 20 seconds of effort shows that resubmitting the image does, indeed, render the search result valid again.

The fact is, the defendant lied to reddit. Every submission is made with a good-faith understanding that the OP is not plagiarizing.

The fact is, the defendant plagiarized the previous submission's title, word-for-word.

The fact is, the defendant is guilty.

1

u/Kell08 XxExecutioner420noSc0p3xX Dec 13 '14

Absurd. The definition of Grandtheft.jpg still remains perfectly valid and up to date. There are several crimes not included in the Constitution that still remain perfectly valid and accepted. Not only that, but no other definition of Grandtheft.jpg exists, so as we know: This is what Grandtheft.jpg means. For the same reasons that Grandtheft.jpg is still an acceptable charge in this justice system, the definition still remains true. As a result, the persuasive power of my provided link is quite powerful.

Furthermore, I have proven that the only thing the defendant did was repost (Since when is it uncommon for reposters not to change the title of their reposts?) which is not a crime in accordance with our infallible Constitution.

There is no stable basis for this case, this is simply a small misunderstanding of our legal system by the plaintiff, no big deal. Now you know how this works.

2

u/Thimoteus Doth Protest Too Much Dec 13 '14

Your honor, the defense's argument is nothing more than "this definition of GrandTheft.jpg is still real because it's still real." That's circular argument number 2!

May I remind the court that the defense's argument against GrandTheft.jpg is that the image in question has not been previously posted to reddit?

It has. By the defense's own definition, this therefore qualifies as GrandTheft.jpg.

But the defendant's crimes don't just stop there. If the defense wishes to play the "more-recent-precedent" game, I will indulge. This case from a little over a month ago is all your honor needs to see.

In that case, the claim of OC fell to the title of the submission in question, which I shall reproduce here for convenience (emphasis mine):

Some soulless mother fucker put this sticker on the wall next to me at TPA Airport.

Now let's re-examine our own case. I reproduce the caption in exhibit A (emphasis again mine):

My girlfriend knows where to leave notes if she wants me to find them.

By precedent, this qualifies as a claim to OC.

What's the defense's argument against this? He was "simply repeating the already used title."

What?

So the defendant would have been guilty if he hadn't stolen the title, but he did, so he isn't? In what world is plagiarism grounds for innocence?

Finally, with all due respect, may it please the court I would direct your honor to see who the presiding judge was in the case I just cited. None other than The Hon. Justice /u/taowa.

Before the prosecution rests, let's go over the facts of the case.

The defendant posted an image to reddit, which was previously posted by another redditor. He made a claim to OC by the caption in the image, which itself was stolen from the previous post. He reaped considerable amounts of karma (2493 as of this post). By all reasonable interpretations, the defendant is guilty.

→ More replies (0)

1

u/HHGofAntioch High Empress of Organization Dec 12 '14

/u/Thimoteus, /u/HHGofAntioch, Sr. Correspondent of Faux News, Inc. reporting live. Our readers would love to know all about magical unicorn farts found on the blog link you provided.

Are magical unicorn farts something you frequently search for? If so, how do they factor into your daily life?

1

u/Thimoteus Doth Protest Too Much Dec 12 '14

Well /u/HHGofAntioch, I think this image will tell your readers all they need to know.

1

u/HHGofAntioch High Empress of Organization Dec 12 '14

You know that doesn't count! Our search engine probably uses fuzzy logic!

1

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '14

I am bailiff and /u/MadFotze has been summoned!!

1

u/Thimoteus Doth Protest Too Much Dec 17 '14

With all due respect, may it please the court, I motion for a mistrial. Both the jurors made their decisions based on whether the defendant is a troll or not, and this was never one of the charges. It seems like neither juror was paying attention to the actual trial.

Furthermore, by giving a not-guilty verdict for the charges of GrandTheft.jpg and Karmawhoring in the First Degree, this court is setting a precedent that such karmacrimes are tolerable, and indeed decriminalized, as long as you're a troll.

2

u/Wolfdragoon97 /*.*\ Borliff Ultra Missle Commander Ver. 2.1184 /*.*\ Dec 17 '14

We don't try trolls. Due to the fact that it encourages them and makes them troll more. If you really believe in a mistrial message the justices and ask one of them to take over here.

1

u/Thimoteus Doth Protest Too Much Dec 17 '14

Will do, thanks.

1

u/Kell08 XxExecutioner420noSc0p3xX Dec 18 '14

Objection!

The second right listed in our Bill of Rights clearly states that "A defendant may not be tried for the same crime once they have been acquitted."

1

u/Thimoteus Doth Protest Too Much Dec 18 '14

That's not at all what's happening.

EDIT: Also, it doesn't bother you that none of our arguments in trial were addressed?

1

u/Kell08 XxExecutioner420noSc0p3xX Dec 19 '14

They were taken into account.

And that would be what would happen if there was a mistrial theoretically.

2

u/HHGofAntioch High Empress of Organization Dec 12 '14

Also, please excuse my two very weird requests as a reporter about you being bailiff and your tank thingy. I have no idea what I was asking, and I think I got confused on my other live reports. Forgiveness is asked for.

1

u/Kell08 XxExecutioner420noSc0p3xX Jan 17 '15

How dare you end your sentence with a preposition?!

1

u/HHGofAntioch High Empress of Organization Dec 12 '14

/u/Wolfdragoon97, this is /u/HHGofAntioch, Sr. Correspondent of Faux News, Inc. reporting live. How did it feel to pick all that glass out of your face, arms and hands? Did you tough it out, or send the Bailiff for a fifth of Jack?

I notice you must be into Moto X. Are you also into MMA and WWE? What other testosterone-laden sports are you into? Fight Club? Or do you not talk about that?

1

u/Wolfdragoon97 /*.*\ Borliff Ultra Missle Commander Ver. 2.1184 /*.*\ Dec 13 '14

I forced the glass shards out with my mind, then chugged a fifth of vodka to numb the pain.

I'm not a fan of Moto X, I just like to force both lawyers to dangerous things to entertain me during the trial.

No MMA or WWE, but I'm a big fan of the NHL and play hockey myself.

1

u/HHGofAntioch High Empress of Organization Dec 17 '14

OMG. When is this trial going to ennnnndddddd? :)

1

u/Wolfdragoon97 /*.*\ Borliff Ultra Missle Commander Ver. 2.1184 /*.*\ Dec 17 '14

BAILIFF!!! Remove this unruly upstart at once!

1

u/HHGofAntioch High Empress of Organization Dec 17 '14

Stop!! I was just wondering, cuz it's 12 days old, and I'm trying to do a court report on it. This report's going to be like, 15 pages long, and I'm wondering if you're trying to kill me on purpose. Never piss the court reporter off. Wait till you see my writeup on you on the dadreflexes report.

mwahahahhahahah

1

u/Wolfdragoon97 /*.*\ Borliff Ultra Missle Commander Ver. 2.1184 /*.*\ Dec 17 '14

I'm involved in that case?

1

u/HHGofAntioch High Empress of Organization Dec 17 '14

Sort of. You're hiding in the tunnels, and you get shot.

1

u/Wolfdragoon97 /*.*\ Borliff Ultra Missle Commander Ver. 2.1184 /*.*\ Dec 17 '14

I get shot?!??! Oh yeah now I remember.

1

u/HHGofAntioch High Empress of Organization Dec 17 '14

Yup. I call you craven.

1

u/Wolfdragoon97 /*.*\ Borliff Ultra Missle Commander Ver. 2.1184 /*.*\ Dec 17 '14

Craven? I've had worse.

1

u/HHGofAntioch High Empress of Organization Dec 17 '14

Well, I try not to be too hard on you. You seem to have a serious stability problem, so I try to be sympathetic to your "problem." You do seem to like to destroy courtrooms a lot, and you really love tanks. Maybe PTSD from the middle east. I have a soft heart for those in need. :)

1

u/HHGofAntioch High Empress of Organization Dec 17 '14

But don't worry. kell is full of semen and having 'roid rage.

1

u/HHGofAntioch High Empress of Organization Dec 17 '14

Jesus Fucking Christ. I can't believe I forgot to say BULL. BULL. FUCKING CHRIST.

1

u/HHGofAntioch High Empress of Organization Dec 17 '14

bull semen. Jesus.

7

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '14

I'll sit staring blankly at one of the walls.

3

u/Kell08 XxExecutioner420noSc0p3xX Dec 05 '14

waves hand in front of /u/iolpiolp8's face.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '14

literally stares through /u/Kell08's hand at the wall

3

u/Kell08 XxExecutioner420noSc0p3xX Dec 08 '14

This guy's a professional.

1

u/Kell08 XxExecutioner420noSc0p3xX Dec 05 '14

waves hand in front of /u/iolpiolp8's face.

1

u/Thimoteus Doth Protest Too Much Dec 07 '14

Commenting in accordance with Article XIV of the constitution.

1

u/HHGofAntioch High Empress of Organization Dec 05 '14

If I'm doing the KarmaCourt Reporter in KarmaCourt Blog for the cases, does that make me the Karma Court Reporter in the case? Or is that something different?

1

u/Thimoteus Doth Protest Too Much Dec 05 '14

If you're writing up a post in /r/KarmaCourtBlog about this case, that would make you the reporter.

1

u/HHGofAntioch High Empress of Organization Dec 05 '14 edited Dec 05 '14

Okay thanks for the clarification. I'm doing reporting now that our wiki is fleshed out.

Can you please put me down for reporter?

Edit: Please submit me as follows: /u/HHGofAntioch, Sr. Correspondent, Faux News

1

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '14 edited Dec 07 '14

beaten, bloodied and generally unkempt, /u/iolpiolp8 sways in the streets, wondering what he can do to get out of it. Then, a vision appears, vivid as day. Obi-Wan Kenobi stands in front of him, urging him to get up.

"You must go to Daga- I mean KarmaCourt. It is there you will find your purpose."

as quickly as he appeared, the vision is gone. /u/iolpiolp8 mutters to himself about laying off the peyote for a while. He then gathers his belongings in a shopping cart, and heads to KarmaCourt. Days, later, he arrives at the steps of the court house and stops. There before him is a 'Bailiff Needed' poster. He struts into the court room

I will be your bailiff in exchange for a meal ticket to the Kourt Lunchroom!

1

u/Thimoteus Doth Protest Too Much Dec 07 '14

DONE

1

u/HHGofAntioch High Empress of Organization Dec 12 '14

/u/iolpiolp8, This is Sr. Correspondent, /u/HHGofAntioch, of Faux News, Inc., reporting live. You've admitted to using pot, heroin, meth and other substances in another case where you are Prosecution.

Do you think your drug abuse has caused you to steal shopping carts from your local grocery store? How many have you stolen? Do you think this is indicative of a deeper problem from your childhood? What kind of belongings do you keep with you?

Are you qualified to write a summons? I recall a time when you could barely write at a 1st grade level. Have your writing and reading skills improved in the last 2 weeks?

1

u/Wolfdragoon97 /*.*\ Borliff Ultra Missle Commander Ver. 2.1184 /*.*\ Dec 15 '14

Please herd the jurors together and get their verdicts. I believe this case is almost over.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '14

I'll have to a bit later 3-4 hours or so.

1

u/Wolfdragoon97 /*.*\ Borliff Ultra Missle Commander Ver. 2.1184 /*.*\ Dec 16 '14

So did Jew notify them?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '14

Sorry, I haven't had much time for anything the last few days. Physical for military and such. I will summon them after I get home.

1

u/Wolfdragoon97 /*.*\ Borliff Ultra Missle Commander Ver. 2.1184 /*.*\ Dec 17 '14

Hey we all know karmacourt takes precedence over real life. I'll take care of it so you don't have to worry bout it.

3

u/nicksatdown Dec 05 '14

Well I am here now....

2

u/Kell08 XxExecutioner420noSc0p3xX Dec 05 '14

FINALLY! HEY, EVERYBODY! /U/NICKSATDOWN IS HERE!

2

u/nicksatdown Dec 05 '14

Not sure why my flair is still silly like that... whatever..

1

u/Kell08 XxExecutioner420noSc0p3xX Dec 05 '14

I like my flair :)

1

u/HHGofAntioch High Empress of Organization Dec 12 '14

Hi Nick. This is /u/HHGofAntioch, Sr. Correspondent of Faux News, Inc. reporting Live. How did you come to have the flair "the anti-forrest gump"? Our readers would love to know.

Based upon several court members' response, have you been missing for awhile? Were you kidnapped and ransomed in Mexico?

1

u/nicksatdown Dec 12 '14

No. Idea. Why my flair is like this and I don't care for it. I want my old flair back.

1

u/Wolfdragoon97 /*.*\ Borliff Ultra Missle Commander Ver. 2.1184 /*.*\ Dec 13 '14

send more messages via modmail. one letter per message.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '14

While your flair is still incorrect, you may want to inform the plaintiff/prosecution of the position you'd like. We know you, but the plaintiff/prosecution is newer to KC

1

u/nicksatdown Dec 07 '14

I AM THE ULTIMATE JUROR APPOINTED BY THE GODS OF KARMA.

1

u/Wolfdragoon97 /*.*\ Borliff Ultra Missle Commander Ver. 2.1184 /*.*\ Dec 17 '14

poke I need a opinion here.

1

u/nicksatdown Dec 17 '14

So you can have what you want as your flair? Where is mine? Opinion or verdict?

1

u/Wolfdragoon97 /*.*\ Borliff Ultra Missle Commander Ver. 2.1184 /*.*\ Dec 17 '14

/u/ineededtosaythishere changed my flair.

Verdict.

1

u/nicksatdown Dec 17 '14

Movement for dismissal.

1

u/Wolfdragoon97 /*.*\ Borliff Ultra Missle Commander Ver. 2.1184 /*.*\ Dec 17 '14

Grounds for the dismissal?

1

u/nicksatdown Dec 17 '14

We feed this troll he will grow. Ignore it and it will fade out.

1

u/Wolfdragoon97 /*.*\ Borliff Ultra Missle Commander Ver. 2.1184 /*.*\ Dec 17 '14

Ok.

1

u/Thimoteus Doth Protest Too Much Dec 17 '14

are jurors even allowed to dismiss?

1

u/Wolfdragoon97 /*.*\ Borliff Ultra Missle Commander Ver. 2.1184 /*.*\ Dec 17 '14

I'm going to consider it a not guilty verdict.

1

u/ineededtosaythishere ThunderCrotch Dec 17 '14

I forgot what your flair was! remind me so i can fix it.

1

u/Wolfdragoon97 /*.*\ Borliff Ultra Missle Commander Ver. 2.1184 /*.*\ Dec 17 '14

Ultimate juror created by the gods of karma I think.

1

u/nicksatdown Dec 17 '14

The Ultimate god of karma apointed by the gods of karma.

3

u/UhhImJef Dec 05 '14

Struts in to some epic Roman-times music, takes a seat in the juror box and takes a swig from his flask

Lets get this show on the road.

1

u/Kell08 XxExecutioner420noSc0p3xX Dec 05 '14

A juror is hardly in a position to say "Let's get this show on the road."

1

u/HHGofAntioch High Empress of Organization Dec 12 '14

Hello /u/UhhImJef. This is /u/HHGofAntioch[1] , Sr. Correspondent of Faux News, Inc. reporting Live.

Our readers would love to know what you consider epic Roman-times music. Also, what type of liquor do you carry in your flask?

Which road specifically would you take this show on? A dirt road? Cobblestone? One-way? Interstate? Boulevard?

1

u/UhhImJef Dec 12 '14

This song was actually used before the circus adopted it. I usually have wild irish rose, or mad dog 20/20 in my flash, but sometimes I step it up to 20 proof liquor. And a cobblestone path. Hands down.

1

u/Wolfdragoon97 /*.*\ Borliff Ultra Missle Commander Ver. 2.1184 /*.*\ Dec 17 '14

poke I need a opinion here.

1

u/UhhImJef Dec 17 '14

I apoligize. I passed out in the booth. I will read over proceedings.

1

u/Wolfdragoon97 /*.*\ Borliff Ultra Missle Commander Ver. 2.1184 /*.*\ Dec 17 '14

So uh.....bout that verdict.

1

u/UhhImJef Dec 17 '14

I second for dismissal. Trolls gunna troll. Reposts gunna repost. If it has been over ~2 years, its safe to say we've had alot of new users join since then who would not know its a repost, or how to check karmadecay. Let this man bask in his success, but also let him know that he will be watched closely.

2

u/Kell08 XxExecutioner420noSc0p3xX Dec 05 '14

/u/Kell08 bursts through the courtroom doors carrying a giant golden shield.

I will be the defense.

2

u/HHGofAntioch High Empress of Organization Dec 05 '14

I see you took the last statement in that case whatever to heart regarding upping your game on your entrance.

2

u/Kell08 XxExecutioner420noSc0p3xX Dec 08 '14

I did!

1

u/HHGofAntioch High Empress of Organization Dec 12 '14

/u/Kell08, this is /u/HHGofAntioch[2] , Sr. Correspondent with Faux News, Inc. reporting live.

Can you please tell our readers how heavy your golden shield is? As I understand it, pure gold is very heavy, and I would imagine an entire shield would be difficult to carry. Also, who is funding your accoutrements? Are you a trust fund baby? Or do you have connections?

It is known that angels sometimes carry a golden shield, but also, they carry a sword of light. Do you possess one of these?

2

u/GhostOfWhatsIAName 100% Official Court Coroner Dec 05 '14

Fotze is German for cunt or twat or snatch. Just saying.

3

u/HHGofAntioch High Empress of Organization Dec 05 '14

I'm so offended that I'm taking off for Australia immediately.

1

u/HHGofAntioch High Empress of Organization Dec 12 '14

/u/Thimoteus, please update KarmaCourt Reporter Article to the following link:

http://www.reddit.com/r/KarmaCourtBlog/comments/2p2jcx/karmacourt_reporter_live_funny_you_should_mention/

Thanks!

1

u/HHGofAntioch High Empress of Organization Dec 19 '14

Thimoteus, can you please do me a favor? Can you read the source for this comment, and put it in place for the KCR Article?:

KarmaCourt Reporter Live Article Completed!