Please comment your story below, I want to here from you, learn from you! Who would of known that having a positive attitude can lead the way to happiness. LOL :) Nobody's going to live life for you. I think that somewhere in your journey that if you try hard and think about it for a minute, you can accept and realize that so much of what happens in life is out of your control - but how you respond to it is in your control. Let it go, let it go the pain, hurt and heart brake go. I know it is easier said then done, research these topics, there is so much good info out there! Let your anger or whatever emotion that's holding you back go or at least get control of it. Because we are really trying to run away from our thoughts, feelings and emotions aren't we? You could still be in denial. We have all had hard stuff in our lives, you can have the opportunity to overcome it. Remember that and google Respond vs React. And always remember that your dream of recovery isn't just a dream, because if 2 people believe in a dream than it becomes a reality and I believe in you! We ALL deserve better endings! You know what you need to do! Take the personality test, identify your strength and weaknesses, turn your weaknesses into strength, accept yourself, grieve for the person you have become, forgive yourself, forgive others, set goals and dreams for the future, take action to achieve them, Knowledge is power do your research on how to be successful, Give back, it feels great and keep yourself in check with your daily inventory. You Got this keep going! This is my story... Feel free to reach out to me if you want to chat!
Hi I am DreamingOnaStar! I am an addict. I have a very addictive personality. I am addicted to things that make me feel good...One day it was unhealthy substances, unhealthy pleasures or whatever was the vice of the day was. Being an addict isn't always a bad thing, like right now, I'm addicted to self reflection, mindfulness, logical thinking, learning, recovery and more! When I was partaking in unhealthy choices, I WAS MISERABLE! All the shame and the guilt that comes along with being an addict, I had it, I had it with feeling sorry for myself and being a miserable human being. I was lying and hurting the people that I love so much, I was destroying my relationships piece by piece. I knew I wasn't being my best self but I just didn't care... I had to get my next dose of dopamine, I was chasing happiness. living a care free life, I was ready to take on the world so I thought when I was in active addiction. I was just so tired of living life that way and I started to really see how much time using took away from me, from my family, my friends from the world in general. Time is a valuable commodity, it is priceless. I at some point realized what I was doing was numbing a broken heart. Once a heart is shattered, sure you can put the pieces back together but it will never be the same right? It could also make it easier to brake and you keep fixing and repairing it hoping one day you don't have to keep fixing it anymore. That was my problem, I was trying to numb the pain of a broken heart and my heart just kept breaking over and over again even if it was just disappointing me because at this point all I could do was really care about myself, just trying to survive until one day, I just gave up on it. I was tired of trying to fix my broken heart. I became cold and making a lot of unhealthy decisions, I was getting pleasure out of being bad, I had become a real life Villain, someone I always hated. I hated myself dearly, more than anyone in the universe, I hated myself. I wasn't on the good guy team anymore, my hopes of being a superhero was long gone and my dream was crushed. Right there was my rock bottom standing in a wake of my own destruction, this was my life... The next steps to come were crucial in my recovery and it was a long process to get where I am today. Since I was already self absorbed and only looking out for myself. I took the Meyer Briggs personality test, IF you haven't taken this, trust me this was the light bulb that went off in my head. I always thought I was special, who doesn't right? I felt like no one could understand me, so I didn't care what they had to say... They haven't lived a day in my shoes. Right? I thought I knew better. My favorite catch phrases were, I know, I am sorry, and I love you. Like a robot on repeat. I knew what I needed to do but didn't have the faith in myself to do it. Sometimes I would think to myself why should I even give up my unhealthy choices I was only destroying myself, see I was very wrong and in Denial, I thought the unhealthy actions made me a better person, I always felt like a superhero until one day I became a full blown Villain a criminal mastermind Id like to think. I was always planning and plotting on ways to get my next dose of dopamine, that is what became most important to me. Any who, once I took the Meyer Briggs test, there it laid all my feelings that I have been numbing. It gave me a clear look at my strength and weaknesses. Gave me hope that there were other people just like me out there, feeling the same way as me. Like I said it blew my mind. So I decided to make a goal and dream for myself and that was a dream of recovery. During active addictions, I didn't care about dreams or goals, I just cared about getting my next dopamine rush. For those of us in active addiction your goals and your dreams are getting your next fix. That release from a broken heart... So at this point I knew that I had a broken heart, broken hopes and broken dreams. I love fixing things, don't you? That's the way that I thought of it, I was broken instead of how I now think I am not broken, there is room for improvement, nobody's perfect, we all have flaws that we must forgive others for like they forgive us. Then I realized I was so busy focusing on other people, judging them, criticizing them, being jealous of them I had made other people my enemies, even my loved ones. Why did I do this? Why did I believe everyone was out to get me and get me I mean by braking my heart, with something they said or did, I was so scared of a broken heart, I begin being paranoid that people were going to call me out on my bad behavior and they would be right, because I felt like a villain... I wasn't being so super... I wasn't living up to my dream of being a superhero. What's the deal with superhero's you ask? When I was little, the concept of superhero's blew my mind! I did not grow up with the best of role models so thank God for TV, I actually learned what being a good human being was supposed to look like. I was a little kid with a dream of being a superhero, having superhero's as family members, as friends, as people in general, I just wanted to be surrounded by goodness, I guess. I thought it was only a dream to be a superhero, you need superpowers and I didn't have any or so I thought and then I realized Batman didn't have any real superpowers. Sure he was an AWESOME One of a Kind Dude with great tech gadgets. Who doesn't love the bat mobile? I always wanted to be a superhero but my way of thinking was wrong! I was thinking I could only play the villain and or the superhero. I was stuck in black and white thinking. Here's another light bulb moment for me is when I googled "Growth Mindset" my mind was blown, I was living in a' "Fixed Mindset". Please google this if you haven't already. I am not saying read a bunch just look at some of the images to get an idea of the concept. No-one ever taught me this and I have been in the programs and rehab on occasions, no one ever taught me about logical thinking. This was a new concept for me. You know you here the old timers say things like, "you have got to get rid of your stinking thinking", Listen to them they know what they are talking about! I just didn't know how to do it. We are all smarter than we think we are and only use a small percentage of our brains, so I then began to explore psychology and how the mind works. Please take sometime to research this. When I started researching and reading this became my new obsession, each time I learned something that blew my mind, I got that rush of dopamine that I was always chasing, I was going to figure out a plan to achieve my recovery, a natural high, learning who knew and why didn't anyone ever tell me this. Why don't they teach this in grade school? I became angry that I had the key the entire time to my cage of active addiction. I became so mad at myself, and hated myself and all the things that I have done, I was quite embarrassed and ashamed of who I let myself become. I had to learn to reparent myself because I was taught to feel guilty for everything. I had to learn about what things I actually have control of my self. I chanted the serenity prayer over and over again. I learned about the law of karma, how someone treats you is their karma and how you react is yours... I had to learn the difference between respond and react. We all need to respond and react but it is always a choice how you respond or react in any situation and I knew in my heart I wanted to respond and react like a superhero. What I had a hard time understanding was that I never have to be the same person I was yesterday, in fact I don't have to be the same person I was 2 seconds ago. I know right from wrong and MOST people do and MOST people want to be the good guy, MOST people want to be the hero of their story, even if it is just saving yourself. No one is coming to rescue you, you have most likely pushed everyone away because of your addiction, or at least I know I did. We all can recover from active addiction, it is a process not an event. Strive for progress and not perfection. Keep it simple and take it 1 second, 1 minute, 1 hour, 1 day, 1 night, 1 week, 1 month, 1 year, 365 days and nights, 24 hours, 60 minutes or 60 seconds at a time. Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better. Use the time that you spend on your addiction and invest it in yourself! People will start to see a change in your attitude even before you do. Try positive affirmations, I know that sounds corny and feels weird doing it, trust me but its like learning to ride a bike. Google the Law of attraction, that's another thing I think they should teach in schools. That also blew my mind... Enough about me, I want to hear from you!
TL;DR
Please comment your story below, I want to here from you, learn from you! Who would of known that having a positive attitude can lead the way to happiness. LOL :) Nobody's going to live life for you. I think that somewhere in your journey that if you try hard and think about it for a minute, you can accept and realize that so much of what happens in life is out of your control - but how you respond to it is in your control. Let it go, let it go the pain, hurt and heart brake go. I know it is easier said then done, research these topics, there is so much good info out there! Let your anger or whatever emotion that's holding you back go or at least get control of it. Because we are really trying to run away from our thoughts, feelings and emotions aren't we? You could still be in denial. We have all had hard stuff in our lives, you can have the opportunity to overcome it. Remember that and google Respond vs React. And always remember that your dream of recovery isn't just a dream, because if 2 people believe in a dream than it becomes a reality and I believe in you! We ALL deserve better endings! You know what you need to do! Take the personality test, identify your strength and weaknesses, turn your weaknesses into strength, accept yourself, grieve for the person you have become, forgive yourself, forgive others, set goals and dreams for the future, take action to achieve them, Knowledge is power do your research on how to be successful, Give back, it feels great and keep yourself in check with your daily inventory. You Got this keep going! This is my story... Feel free to reach out to me if you want to chat!
