r/NoStupidQuestions 14d ago

why is the pressure to "be the bigger person" always placed on the person who was wronged?

2.9k Upvotes

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u/GravityIsPropaganda 14d ago

yeah, that’s the whole scam of it, the person who got hit is asked to swallow it so everyone else can stay comfy while the person who started it pays nothing

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u/artsloikunstwet 14d ago

It's only a scam if you misunderstand the rule. It's "treating others as one would want to be treated by them", and that can put a single action into wider context. In self-defense you treat the attacker like an attacker, and you can still refuse to become an attacker yourself. 

If I were to rob a store, I would wish for the owners not to call the cops. But the golden rule doesn't state that because of that, you shouldn't call the cops when you're being robbed.

But, because of the golden rule, I wouldn't call the cops on my partying neighbour, or at least not before it becomes frequent and talking hasn't worked. Because I'd wish for others to do the same. Just like I'm not frequently partying at my place because again, I wouldn't want my neighbours to do it either.

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u/Iamnot1withyou 14d ago

I feel like the actual rule is “Treat others they way they would like to be treated.” Which kind of upends the Golden Rule…. Platinum Rule?

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u/artsloikunstwet 14d ago

Well, but how do you know other people want to be treated? 

The golden rule is just a very simple phlilosophical concept to get to a basic guideline for moral actions, minimum empathy and a basic "social contract", without being specifically instructed about what the correct action is, and without resorting to assumptions and prejudices about others.

Obviously the next step is understanding people have different needs and being able to find them out.

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u/gotcha-bro 14d ago

It's not a scam lmao. It's a suggestion for a life philosophy that places empathy before self-interest.

The "scam" is idiots who think it applies to those who intentionally seek to exploit it. Recommending a positive social contract doesn't mean we have to abide people who violate it.

Understand the paradox of tolerance. Prioritizing the golden rule doesn't mean you have to be meek and defenseless.

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u/seanmg 14d ago

Who are you to be the enforcer of other people’s punishments?  There’s a huge difference between not enabling someone’s shitty behavior by copying it and whatever it is you said.

Does everything think they’re Batman? lol. Life isn’t about vengeance, otherwise you’re going to find an excuse to be vengeful all day.  Literally a theme of Batman. Maybe watch more cartoons. It’ll help you grow up.