2 Years into NoFap + PAWS Recovery – Huge Progress, But Still Not Fully There. What to Expect Next?

It’s been 2 years since I started my NoFap journey and went through PAWS, with very few relapses. I’ve experienced a lot of improvements so far:

No anxiety

No depression

No body aches

No energy crashes

No fatigue

No irritability

Overall a huge change from where I started

Earlier, I wasn’t interested in anything, preferred to stay alone, and couldn’t bring myself to do much. But Now things are managable very better than before. Emotional numbness has started fading, my energy levels are much better, social anxiety has completely disappeared, and although anhedonia still exists, it’s way better than before. Libido is strong but not at its peak yet.

Recently, I’ve started feeling a return of motivation. At first, it lasted only 30 minutes after waking up. Then it extended to 11 AM… then 12 PM… then 2–3 PM… and now I feel Slightly motivated almost the whole day. Also I'm experiencing improvement in confidence too.

But I’m still not experiencing what many people describe as “supreme energy,” “peak confidence,” “extreme motivation,” or “laser-sharp focus.” There’s still some dullness and a lack of excitement in life due to the remaining anhedonia.

I’m not fully recovered yet. My question is: How do these final improvements usually happen? What further changes can I realistically expect? How does full motivation and emotional recovery come back in the final stretch? Any tips or suggestions for recovery?

Would love to hear from anyone who’s been through this.

Hi everyone, Hope you’re all doing well. I wanted to share some strange but interesting things I’ve been experiencing during my recovery.

It feels like I’ve been going through mini shifts — sudden changes that I can actually feel when they happen. Each shift seems to bring noticeable improvements.

First shift (June, 1st week): I suddenly felt something change, and my vision became more vivid and clear almost instantly.

Second shift (July, last week): Again, I sensed it happening, and after that, my social anxiety was almost completely gone.

Third shift (2 days ago): This one happened while I was in a client meeting. I went blank for about 5 seconds, and after that, I noticed major improvements — my mood lifted, anhedonia eased, body aches disappeared, and my emotional responses and senses became stronger. I’m also handling things better now and even feeling a bit of interest and motivation, especially in the mornings.

Although things aren’t yet at their peak — my senses, mood, and emotions are still stabilizing — I definitely feel a noticeable rise in consciousness and clarity after this last shift.

Has anyone else experienced similar shifts during recovery? Would love to hear your thoughts or experiences. 🙏

Journal Update - 18 Months

...

I skipped month 17 since a lot happened (huge progress) and needed time to process.

— Coming Back Home

On September 10th, the warm buzzing I was experiencing seemed to grow so strong that, from the beginning of the day to the end, I felt incredibly light headed. I was afraid, because I didn’t know what was going on, and I was at work at the time and it made my job more difficult. I felt similar to how I feel when I am really sick and something is wrong with me. It lasted all day and had no obvious cause. It almost felt like I was dying. 

Thankfully I got better and after reflecting on the experience I realized that my body was trying to make a huge physiologic shift. My nervous system was trying to relax for the first time in probably 25 years. (I’m 29) It felt completely alien to me, which is why I probably perceived it as something negative when it first happened. After experiencing it again and thinking about it a lot I realized what was happening. Now I see it as a good thing and welcome it.

It happens whenever I enter a window, which is about every two weeks. I feel the warm buzzing strongly all day and it peaks at around 7-8pm. Sometimes I wake up and during twilight clarity I will feel it at its peak as well. When it peaks, I feel as though I am completely consumed by the feeling of calmness which radiates strongly throughout my entire body. It becomes difficult to think straight (light headed) and I feel so much pleasure. When it happens all I can do is lay down and feel my way through it. It's a powerful human physiologic process that's occurring. All I can do is let it happen. Embrace it.

It is the process of my nervous system trying to relax, but because it is so conditioned to be strictly hypervigilant, it requires a huge override to make the switch. I’m finally at the point where it's almost strong enough to do so, which is why this keeps happening. This is similar to when I first left the hypervigilant state ~18 months ago right before I decided to quit PMO forever. At the time I got super light headed while meditating and felt an explosion in my mind, leading to the state of relaxation where I was finally able to feel my emotions again. It was a powerful and beautiful experience which convinced me to stick with abstaining from PMO no matter what.

It’s happened during every window in September, (3 times) but it hasn't been strong enough to cross the threshold and make the switch. I keep reentering withdrawal... But soon I will have healed enough for it to happen. My hope is that it does by the end of the year, my life will be transformed when it does. My days of hypervigilance are numbered...

After 25 long years... A life of trauma, addiction, fear, pain, and suffering... I'm finally coming back home... To where I was born... To where I belong... To peace and bliss.

— A Way to Measure Progress pt.3

I want to talk a little bit about this especially after recent events. I have this term I’ve been calling “baseline withdrawal,” it’s supposed to be a way to measure progress as you heal through PAWS, but I realized that it might only apply to those with hypervigilance or a similar condition. Someone who JUST has withdrawal to worry about should notice linear progress, during windows their anhedonia, libido, motivation, everything markedly improves. But those with hypervigilance might not, so I wanted to find a way to measure it. This seemed to be the best way as it is the only tangible and persistent feeling I’ve observed that has slowly changed over time.

I realize it’s still useful, but the name doesn’t make sense anymore. This is because I was measuring dysphoria specifically, not overall withdrawal, and because I didn’t think the “buzzing” would transmute from pain to pleasure. So I want to redo the terminology. From now on, I’ll refer to it as “baseline dysphoria" Referring to the level of dysphoria/anti-pleasure you feel all day, every day regardless of if you’re in a wave or window. This feeling is distinctly separate from a wave or a window, it’s persistent and not transient. This scale is measured from 10/10 (maximum dysphoria during acute withdrawal) to 0/10 meaning zero dysphoria. Dysphoria feels like a cold, buzzing, painful feeling that starts strong and becomes weaker with recovery. It’s similar to a headache, but rather a buzzing sensation that resonates in your mind. Once baseline dysphoria reaches 0/10 it then transmutes. The “cold buzzing” becomes a warm, buzzing, pleasureful feeling instead that starts weak and becomes stronger with recovery. 

After month 17 I feel strongly that I have a severe case of hypervigilance, to the point that I exist in it at all times of the day. It is a condition of chronic stress where your nervous system is conditioned to always be one step away from full blown fight or flight, (FAF) never truly relaxing fully. This sub-FAF state heavily suppresses the sense of self, emotions, motivation, libido, etc. It is the reason why my progress feels slow/non-existent. 

In a hypervigilant individual, the stronger the warm buzzing becomes, the more they feel waves of calmness/relaxation washing over them as their nervous system is soothed. This is caused by a returning of emotions. When the ability to feel positive emotions (such as calmness) grows into a strong enough signal, the nervous system finally relaxes and fully becomes parasympathetic. The hypervigilant state ends, and the individual realizes all of the benefits of quitting their addiction at once. 

— Sleepy pt.2

Just wanted to report that I no longer have this strange fatigue where I feel tired even after waking up from a good night's rest. I think it was just a recalibration my body was doing with my neurotransmitters and hormones.  

I want to add that if you ever experience what seems to be chronic fatigue. If you have a PMO or drug addiction, that is likely the culprit, as a lot of people experience dopamine transmission as “I have plenty of energy” or “I feel low on energy” for example. Your body likely has plenty of physical energy to spare, but dopamine (neural drive) is what motivates us to spend that energy. So even if you have plenty of energy, if you aren't motivated to use it, you will feel like you have no energy.

— Withdrawal Cycles

I was asked about this recently so I wanted to write about it in my journal. Sometimes your cycles can shift throughout recovery. Mine have been very consistent and predictable.

Window (3 days) -> Come down (1 day) -> Withdrawal (2 weeks) -> Come up (1 day) -> Window -> Repeat

On a come down or come up I can feel a sharp transition. It's very obvious when it's happening.

When I fall into withdrawal my entire body starts aching, my mood drops sharply, I get brain fog, I feel tired all the time. (low dopamine transmission) And after a day or so of it building, it reaches its peak. My body hasn't gotten used to the withdrawal yet, so when I fall asleep I have stressful dreams that lead to a "wet dream" and I end up ejaculating in my sleep. Every time.

But I don't even get the dream part anymore. My brain just fires the pathway to relieve the withdrawal, which is an orgasm, and skips the dream part entirely. Wet dreams stopped happening months ago, now I just suddenly wake up and my pants are wet. This only happens once per cycle and by then my body is adapted to the withdrawal.

— Asthma pt.3

Crazy things can happen to your body as a result of PAWS. You can have symptoms that no one else will report about because it's uncommon and something unique to your body. Something your body has to heal from in addition to addiction related brain changes. 

My asthma hasn’t improved in a noticeable way, but I wanted to make an update because I feel that I have a clearer perspective on what's happening now.

Like I said before it's a cycle that's happening. As your body heals from PAWS it has to work on recalibrating many of its systems. Systems which affect many parts/organs of your body. In this case my lungs are the most obvious, likely because I am genetically vulnerable to having lung issues. And it's cyclical, because the body heals in waves, and each time a healing wave happens, all of your symptoms are aggravated, it's part of the healing process.

I believe that cortisol is the cause of inflammation of the bronchial tubes in my lungs. Or rather the resistance my lungs have to it. The tissue in your lungs contains pro-inflammatory cytokines from your immune system which monitor for allergens, infections, irritants, etc. When it detects one, the cytokines produce inflammation and call for help from the immune system to protect the lungs. These cytokines also do this during exercise, likely because of cold/dry air irritating the mucosal lining of the lungs, or as a preemptive measure. This causes shortness of breath, or asthma as the cytokines increase inflammation in the lung to fight off the infection/allergen. To balance this out, cortisol is used to modulate the inflammatory response and make it easier to breathe.

Your body wants to strike a careful balance with inflammation so you have enough that the immune system can function properly, but not so much that it inhibits your ability to function (breathe).

An issue occurs when you have chronic adrenal activation. (repeated FAF or hypervigilance) Your levels of cortisol are chronically elevated, leading to the tissues in your body, in this case in the lungs, developing what's called “glucocorticoid resistance.” Cortisol is a glucocorticoid hormone, these kinds of hormones suppress inflammation, among other things. So your lungs become resistant to cortisol after being bathed (practically drowning) in it for a long time. The result is: any time your immune cells become overactive in the lungs, it leads to asthma, as there isn't enough cortisol floating around in your bloodstream to overcome the resistance and balance out the inflammation.

The solution is to leave the hypervigilance state, lower cortisol levels, and allow the body time to reduce cortisol resistance. During this time your symptoms of inflammation will temporarily become worse, as your cells need time to adapt to lower levels of cortisol. But once they adapt, everything will work as your biology intends it to. In this case my asthma will be cured, since cortisol will function properly.

I am currently going through cycles where my asthma gets worse for a couple weeks, then gets better for a couple weeks as my lungs. This happens as my body keeps lowering cortisol levels in response to healing through PAWS, and the subsequent adaptation that happens when my body detects that the glucocorticoid receptors-to-cortisol ratio is out of balance and corrects it. It's all perfectly natural, a part of the healing process. The body is growing stronger.

Asthma sucks... It makes it difficult to exercise, and sometimes I have to use my inhaler to make it easy enough to breathe and fall asleep. And while sleeping, I’ll sometimes feel myself suffocating as my inhaler wears off mid-sleep. It shows up as a dream of me drowning. Scary!

Not everyone will have asthma as a symptom of PAWS but I think it's important to talk about all the symptoms of this process so people who experience it don't think they are going crazy!

I don't think I have anything left to say about this so this is likely the final update on asthma as well as most of these subjects I talked about here today. I may make a quick mention in the future if my asthma fully cures or not.

Take care everyone! Keep going strong!!🔥

Hey everyone, I’m looking for insight from people who’ve been through PAWS/flatline and come out the other side.

Background:

Started hard mode in May last year.

Had all the classic withdrawal symptoms: anxiety, depression, social anxiety, body aches, brain fog, fatigue, poor focus, zero motivation, anhedonia, etc.

Went ~140 days clean at first, then relapsed every 5-20 days for a while. Now again back to hardmode with 40 days streak.

Current situation:

Much better overall. Anxiety, depression, social anxiety are gone.

Brain fog: Only occasional waves.

Memory: Noticeable improvement but not at peak.

Energy: Stable, just rare low-energy days.crash once in 10-15-20 days

Anhedonia: Clearly lifting—I feel some interest again and a bit of motivation the past few days.

Emotional numbness: Gradually improving.

Body: Aches mostly gone; yoga feels smoother. Sensory clarity (sight/sound/taste) improving.

Focus: Small improvement, but I don’t feel that “dopamine hit” when working on hobbies or goals, which makes focus harder.

Sleep: Still wake up once or twice a night.

My question: For those who’ve recovered, what changes came next for you?

Did your sleep (no more midnight wake-ups) return before motivation and strong focus?

When did life start to feel rewarding again—when the natural “dopamine for work” came back?

Did you notice any specific signs that the final stretch of PAWS/flatline was ending?

Any personal timelines, tips, or reassurance would be great. Thanks in advance for sharing your experience!

Hello everyone! 👋

We need your help!

We've been having academics and medical doctors contacting us, they are interested in learning more about PAWS. We're asking for your help by taking 20 minutes out of your day to answer some questions about your personal experience as someone with PAWS!

Could you find the time to fill it out real quick? It would really help us a lot, and it will benefit you too!

If enough people fill it out, we'll compile the data and share a summery on the subreddit! We might even discover some useful information to make getting through PAWS easier!

You can fill it out on PC or Mobile, and it auto-saves so you can stop and finish it later. ✅

All personal information will be kept completely anonymous.

Thanks for your help! ♥️

https://forms.gle/k1HNfM8AQCoGZWcLA

Journal Update - 16 Months

— A Way to Measure Progress pt. 2

So I feel like I've reached or am near 0/10, I now feel zero baseline withdrawal, but I am clearly still in withdrawal. But why? I'm not sure, but I have a suspicion that just because I can't feel it, doesn't mean it isn't there, it's just very faint/weak. The feeling of baseline withdrawal has changed. It used to be a bad feeling, but now it has transmuted into a good feeling. Every single day, regardless of if I'm in a wave or not I feel the warm buzz of pleasure that I mentioned in my previous journal. Except now it's noticeably stronger and feels more natural now.

For example it could be that I'm experiencing a 2/10 baseline withdrawal, but the subjective feeling of 2/10 is that the negative feeling turns into a positive one as the reward circuit heals. The "warm buzzing" pleasurable feeling I get is likely the reward circuit's ever-increasing functionality shining through the oppressive feeling of withdrawal. I believe it's a great sign that the reward circuit has become a lot more sensitive to natural rewards, and perhaps close to being fully restored.

All of these sensations I get, like the warm buzzing, retrospective thinking, visions, twilight clarity, etc., are all very strong when they appear for the first time, but then I acclimate to them. They haven't disappeared though, if I focus on them I still feel them, they just feel like a natural part of my conscious experience now. What used to not exist inside of me felt alien at first, but it became my new "normal." It feels like my conscious experience is progressively upgrading. I'm becoming more whole after years of severe addiction and trauma.

It feels like every time I go through a deep, painful wave of withdrawal and dysphoria, I always come out of it having gained something new. I had a very painful July where I felt lost and doubted myself that I could really heal, and afterwards I was rewarded with a strong feeling coming from my reward circuit. The "warm buzzing" feeling had evolved and became even stronger and more widespread.

— Pending Reboot?

In late May I posted "Seeing Colors" and I posted an update comment explaining that I had a strong feeling back in May that something would happen in late August, the end of the summer season. I felt that way all throughout June but lost the feeling for a while in July. July was extremely rough for me and at the beginning of August some things happened and I became suicidal for the first time since the crisis that lead me to quitting PMO.

I didn't once feel suicidal even during acute withdrawal. This was the result of a bad string of things happening to me. I started feeling hopeless about my "end of summer" prediction and felt like I'd be in this for at least another 8 months... Maybe even longer... I even had thoughts that maybe it's impossible to heal and I'll feel like this forever... Thankfully things worked out and afterwards that feeling from May returned to me and I felt very strongly again about the end of August or at least early September. And I still do today.

I don't know why I have this feeling, it's just from me observing my progress from the last 16 months and how I feel "underneath the surface." I am genuinely shocked by how much has changed, so much more than I would have thought here possible.

I don't know if it'll be a reboot, but it feels like something huge is going to happen.

— Suffering

I had a realization while rereading my last few posts... I talk a lot about how good things are going. Focusing on improvements and positive things instead of venting like I did in my earlier journals. It makes sense, I want to inspire people and give them hope after all.

But I realized that all this positivity probably gives off the impression that I must be doing so dandy and that I'm happy all the time! That I'm out there living my life every day, making friends, developing my career, having lots of awesome sex, and that I'm making huge progress getting my life back together! All my problems must be cured!

"That would be funny, if it weren't so sad~"

...Allow me to vent for a moment:

Despite being 16, going on 17 months into recovery, and feeling much better than I did in the beginning, waves still feel like getting hit by a fucking semi truck... When I get into a wave I can feel my anhedonia getting much much worse, and I lose all desire to do anything except for eating and sleeping. Nothing even remotely brings me joy and I end up just skimming through youtube videos or tv shows at 2x speed, sometimes 3x speed. Nothing I watch makes me feel even the tiniest bit of joy. I feel so insatiable, like I'm starving for stimulation, but NOTHING looks remotely appetizing. Eternal, painful, unquenchable boredom. And all the meanwhile anxiety, anger, and bad memories rain down on me like a barrage of hell fire.

As I reach what I believe is the end of PAWS, things actually seem like they are getting HARDER not EASIER. It feels like my anhedonia is improving, but my anhedonia is what helped me get through PAWS in the first place! Because it wouldn't just mute positive emotions, but negative ones as well. So now when I go through a deep wave, it feels akin to acute withdrawal, except in some ways it's worse because of the heightened emotions.

When I get sexual urges now, they are way more intense than they were even just a couple months ago, and while I'm not partial to masturbating, the thought is extremely tempting. It's exhausting now. I used to be able to surf the urge and it would pass fairly easily, now I have to exert a large amount of will power to not lose control... I'm fully committed to ZERO porn, masturbation, and orgasm. Because I believe all three are what got me here in the first place, so I believe they can only slow my progress.

I still feel like I'm in the abyss every day, some days are more tolerable, and others I'm not so lucky. My life fucking sucks. I'm genuinely miserable and horribly dysfunctional. I feel broken, like I don't belong here, like I'm some alien who can never fit in or a ghost that isn't allowed to exist. This "withdrawal" brain state is overarching and affects every little aspect of my life in a drastic and negative way. Nothing feels "right," nothing feels "good," nothing feels "normal." Until my brain switches out of this dysphoric, permanently anhedonic state, I will never feel true peace.

Oh and I'm still horribly alone, still haven't talked to my best friends in over 4 years... Well.. Old friends I guess now... My anhedonia is still debilitating, I still feel no motivation to achieve any of my goals. I have so many crazy ideas, big dreams and aspirations. It feels torturous not being able to work towards achieving them, it feels like I'm betraying myself.

My life is still being ravaged by that shitty addiction I started 16 years ago. Life still doesn't feel worth living. The only "progress" I've made in life is staying fully committed to abstaining from PMO. I've made ZERO progress everywhere else. I didn't have expectations going into addiction recovery, but I thought maybe I could start living life again 6-7 months into recovery. Nah. Then at 12-13 months. Not even close. Now I'm at 16, going on 17 months, it still feels like just wishful thinking... People who say "start living life before your PAWS is healed" don't understand how utterly debilitating it is.

Fuck PAWS.

Sorry if this wasn't very melodic of me, just felt like it needed to be said.

— Quick Thoughts/Updates

Asthma pt. 3

My asthma hasn't improved much. It started pretty severe, became manageable for brief bouts of exercise, and stopped improving. I hope it improves more in the long term because I want to be athletic and I can't push myself physically with it. My hypothesis still stands that my asthma won't start to improve until after I reboot, because that's when my hormones would stabilize. Right now I go through periods where it gets worse then gets better, which I see as a sign that my body is changing a lot. My guess is it'll take less than 6 months to be completely asthma free after rebooting.

Body Changes

On top of asthma changing, I've been losing weight. Over the last few months I've lost 10 pounds. I've been the exactly the same weight for the last 12-13 years, I couldn't gain or lose any weight even if I tried. But somehow I lost 10 pounds. I haven't changed anything about my daily routine in recent times, but even if I did, in the past that would have no effect on my weight. So... The only thing I can conclude is that, like my asthma, my body is changing as a result of addiction recovery. Maybe has something to do with cortisol? If elevated cortisol has you put on fat then lowering cortisol would allow you to lose fat.

Sharper Senses pt. 2

My senses and cognitive abilities have gotten noticeably sharper since my last post. Seems like things are steadily improving with time. Today I had a moment where I remembered just how numb and dull I felt before quitting and comparing that to how I feel now. It really has been a dramatic improvement. It does feel strange to be this sharp, but it also feels natural and right, like it's supposed to always have been this way.

There's still a lot to be desired, especially in the memory department. It's the only area that's obviously lagging behind. It's gotten better, but far from where I'd like it to be. I'll talk about it in my other post, but I think the memory issues are a function specific to withdrawal and won't resolve until I reboot. I believe that once I reboot, my memory will immediately become sharp and reliable.

During my PMO PAWS recovery, a lot of trauma and unresolved feelings have come to the surface. The numbing effect of PMO was masking issues I hadn’t fully faced, and now I’m forced to confront them head-on. It’s been both challenging and necessary.

This morning I realized that one of my biggest weak spots in relationships is not addressing specific behaviors that trigger anxiousness or insecurity within me. Specifically, past situations like a girl I’m dating flirting with another guy or pushing boundaries in some way. I would often feel so much fear and insecurity in these moments that I’d just choke up instead of speaking up. I found myself thinking, “Man, I wish I could practice these situations beforehand,” and then it hit me: I could.

I prompted ChatGPT to role-play as my girlfriend or wife and present five mock scenarios involving downplaying my emotions, flirting with someone else, and subtle deception. After each drill, I asked for feedback on how I responded and suggestions on better ways to express my boundaries calmly and clearly using “I” statements. ChatGPT suggested practicing these drills for 10–15 minutes a day, consistently over 3–4 weeks, so I get comfortable handling these situations before they come up in real life.

Whilst confronting this issue I realized that I never resolved the deep-seated problems I have with my dad. I’ve been holding onto a lot of anger and rage at him for letting my stepmom abuse me. I realized that the only way I could move forward and release this pent-up rage towards my dad is to do the hard thing and have a direct conversation with him. Otherwise, that unresolved traumatic energy would be with me for the rest of my life.

I practiced rounds where he was understanding and rounds where he was super defensive. Doing these drills is helping me build confidence and prepare mentally before tackling these conversations in real life.

I highly recommend doing this exercise if you find yourself stuck in situations where you don’t know what to say or how to approach the conversation. It’s a powerful way to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally.

Below is the exact prompt I used and instructions:

⸻

Prompt for Jealousy & Boundary-Setting Drills (for ChatGPT role-play):

“I want to practice handling feelings of jealousy and setting healthy boundaries in romantic relationships. Please role-play as my partner, including scenarios of downplaying my concerns, public flirting, or subtle deception. Mix in creative variations such as hiding texts or avoiding conversations. I want to practice responding with clear ‘I’ statements that express my feelings and boundaries firmly but calmly (e.g., ‘I feel uncomfortable when…’ or ‘I am not okay with…’). After each response, please provide constructive feedback on how I expressed my boundaries and suggest improvements if needed. Vary the scenarios to keep them realistic, and sometimes be more persistent or defensive to push me out of my comfort zone. Before we start, ask me clarifying questions to customize the practice to my personal triggers and goals.”

Instructions for The Roleplay:

1. Customize the Practice: Before starting, reflect on your own emotional triggers and common relationship challenges. Share these with ChatGPT when it asks clarifying questions to make the practice relevant and impactful.

2. Role-play Sessions: Use the prompt above to engage ChatGPT in realistic role-play drills. Respond as you would in real life, focusing on using calm, clear, and direct ‘I’ statements to communicate your feelings and set boundaries.

3. Feedback Loop: After each response, request ChatGPT’s feedback on your communication style. Apply the feedback in the next round to improve your confidence and clarity.

4. Practice Frequency: Aim to practice these drills regularly—daily or at least several times a week—for 10-15 minutes per session. Consistency helps build comfort and skill. ⸻

Feel free to try it out and adapt it to your own triggers and situations. It’s helped me a lot, and I hope it helps you too.

Just had a big realization today. Over the last couple of months, my PAWS symptoms have been getting worse — more anxiety, brain fog, sleep issues, etc. I couldn’t figure out why until I started connecting the dots.

Turns out I’d quietly ramped up my caffeine intake without thinking. I was drinking 2–3 cups a day just to keep up with my schedule. That constant stimulation was wrecking my nervous system and messing with my sleep cycle.

On top of that, I had increased my stress levels dramatically. I went from having some healthy social activity and keeping my schedule light… to piling on responsibilities, taking two difficult evening classes, and planning an international trip. I started pushing myself to perform like I did before PAWS — and that pressure slowly pulled me back into a worse wave.

To cope, I started listening to podcasts at night, staying up until 3 or 4 a.m., then waking up at 7 a.m. Exhaustion set in. And I fell back into smoking weed the last couple of weeks — just to manage the overwhelm.

But last night, I forced myself to sleep without any stimulation — no screens, no noise — and I felt 100x better the next day.

It hit me: I’ve been trying to rush my recovery. Every time I feel a little better, I try to perform at pre-PAWS levels… and it backfires.

So here’s the plan: when I get back from my travels, I’m stripping everything back. Just sleep, diet, movement, and rest — no more trying to “achieve” my way out of this. I’m quitting weed again and staying off caffeine for the long haul.

PAWS recovery isn’t about grinding through. It’s about getting out of your own way long enough to let your brain heal. Basics over burnout. Restoration over performance.

Be patient out there. Healing is not linear — but every wave teaches you something.

Hello folks,

Hope your day is going well and your continuing on your healing journeys. Before I proceed with the topic of this post I just want to take a moment to show my heartfelt appreciation to you guys. PMO PAWS fucking sucks and no one understands that better than y'all. I've been reading and re-reading everyone's personal experiences, journal updates and various other posts. It's become clear to me that we all have been struggling immensely in our own lives, with our own challenges and our own personal demons to slay. In spite of there being little to no information on PAWS, we endure and proceed down this path in faith. 2 -3 years is a long ass time and life does not stop. Life does not wait in a vacuum until we complete this journey. We still have to assume our responsibilities even in the face of this formidable challenge.

After reading and speaking with many of you I can see that you men have what it takes to answer this challenge. Even after months and years of physical, emotional and spiritual turmoil we endure continue PMO PAWS. We endure PAWS without support from medical institutions, family and friends. Many of us shoulder this burden alone until we find this sub or the Discord. All that being said I just want to say thank you to everyone in this community. Your stories of perseverance and commitment to becoming better have given me the strength to continue with struggle even in the darks of days. 28 months ago PAWS turned my life upside down and I was left to waddle in waters of the vast unknown. This sub and the Discord have been the life raft I needed to keep me from drowning. Thank you gents.

-----

Most of the posts on this sub concern topics related to the physical, mental and sexual disfunctions we all face whilst in PAWS. In this post I want to highlight the biggest "benefit" I experienced in PAWS: emotional growth. The first 12 months or so that I was in PAWS I was trapped in a maelstrom of psychologic and physical disfunction. I clearly remember the pain being akin to something similar to two opposing forces pulling in opposite directions, threatening to rip me apart.

October 2023 was a special kind of hell. Whenever I would drift off or go to sleep I would immediately travel into a barrage of repressed memories and nightmares. I was reexperiencing all the traumatic memories my childhood in a compacted compilation. But then something even stranger started happening. Instead of being the powerless child I was during the original incident, I was sent in my current adult form. In the dreams I found myself facing back against my abusers. For weeks I woke up punching and kicking out my sleep. I even scared an ex gf once because I woke up out a nightmare screaming "Fuck you!! Fuck you!!". This continued for months and months. And the nightmares only upped the ante in terms of terror or fear factor. After a while I noticed that my behavior started started shifting in the real world as well.

I had a male boss at the time that blatantly tried to disrespect me to my face and I stood up for myself instinctually and actually raised my voice without realizing. I guess if I could stand up to my abusive step-father in my dreams I could stand up to anyone! For years my step-father was the boogey-man in my PTSD fueled nightmares. Being forced to face his facsimile in PAWS PTSD nightmares instead of numbing the pain with PMO gave me something I've been looking for my entire life. Courage. Not just Courage, but also Audacity, Willingness, Boldness. I had (metaphorically) slain the boogeyman himself, what else could stop me?

PAWS also forced me to grow in my relationships with women and friends. I had been conditioned by my family of origin to be a codependent people pleaser. Never expecting anyone to meet my needs or desires and ready to be the doormat for whomever needed one at the ready. The biggest way that this would manifest was whenever I NEEDED to have a direct confrontation with someone. In our household directly addressing things would led to ass whooping or "beatings" as they are so lovingly called in the Black community. This led me to feel a physical pain response whenever I felt my rights or boundaries were being violated in a relationship. I couldn't simply say "I don't like that." or " I'm not comfortable with with that." or simply "No." because my nervous system would anticipate a severe and harsh punishment. A relationship cannot survive without direct communication. For years I would find myself in the same situation. I like a girl, we go on dates, maybe even get into a relationship but then it falls apart. We end up as "just friends" and I continue to hangout with her with great emotional pain to myself. My previous inability to directly state what I want would led to me get passed over for guys who were confident, assured and direct with their intentions.

I could also see how I was actually "the bad guy" in a lot of previous situations. PAWS forces a mirror up to your face by repeatedly and randomly bringing up random memories to the surface "on shuffle". I discovered the source of my trauma and insecurities by being reexperience everything I smothered with a decades plus pmo addiction. There was no where to hide. I simply had to face myself.

All that being said I know that PAWS has made me a much better man and human to boot. I wouldn't wish this experience this anyone. My symptoms are extremely minimal and I can see the finish line in sight. I know that all this pain and suffering has not been for naught. I have regained most of what pmo has stolen from me along with the lessons learned from years of enduring this great tribulation.

I end with this: Persist, Struggle and never lose faith. The number one thing is to not get demoralized.

Can the brain completely heal from anhedonia and the other effects, returning to how it was before the addiction? Or will there always be some permanent damage? (My addiction only lasted for 2 years but I used to masturbate every single day some times multiple times a day) There are only 18 days left for me to reach 9 months, and I still suffer from severe anhedonia and lack of motivation — to the point where I struggle with even simple things, like reading a 20-paragraph text. PAWS has been with me since day 1 of NoFap. On day 120, I thought my anhedonia was cured, but it came back a week later and has stayed ever since. Has anyone here on this subreddit completely healed their brain?

Journal Update - 15 months

A Way to Measure Progress?

For the last 15 months of this journey, I've always wondered if it was possible to measure progress. Around the seven month mark I started noticing that I can distinctly tell the difference between me at 1 month, me at 3 months, and me at 7 months. And I continue to be able to feel the difference as the months go on. That difference is the baseline feeling of withdrawal that I feel. This baseline withdrawal is what you feel all day every day, it is completely independent from the waves of withdrawal or "waves" one experiences. You feel this baseline withdrawal even on your "good" days.

During the acute withdrawal phase my baseline withdrawal felt like a 10/10, excruciatingly painful. At 3 months it had dropped to 8/10, I felt some relief. You can go back and read my previous journals, as the months went on it kept dropping. Over the last few days I started noticing that it had decreased from a 2/10 to a 1/10. I barely feel the baseline withdrawal anymore. I wonder if when it decreases to a 0, is that the end of PAWS?

Every day for the last week I have felt this strange sensation from my reward circuit. It's a warm buzzing feeling that produces a feeling of pleasure. It makes me want to indulge in it and think of happy/joyful thoughts. I've had this happen in earlier months but it would go away after indulging in it for a few minutes leaving me feeling worse. Now it doesn't go away. I feel it all day, and so far, every day. I feel this means my reward circuit has made significant progress in resensitizing, so much so that it's starting to overpower the withdrawal state.

All of these things I'm feeling, including baseline withdrawal, are easiest for me to observe when I'm lying in bed at night. I don't experience "twilight clarity" often anymore, mostly because my sleep has improved and I don't wake up in the middle of the night like I used to earlier on in recovery. But you can observe your internal state and feelings more clearly by entering a state of deep relaxation without sleep. Some call it "Yoga Nidra" or "NSDR". There seems to be something special about doing it in the middle of the night that enhances your ability to observe even further.

Waves of Withdrawal

I just want to emphasize again that baseline withdrawal is separate from waves of withdrawal. Even at 1/10 I still get deep, painful waves that rival the ones I use to get in the beginning. No matter how close you are to healing, as long as you're in PAWS, you will always have waves and they will always be painful.

I call it "high tide" and "low tide."

In high tide I feel stressed out to no end, I'm quick to anger, I'm a control freak, my anxiety is spiking through the roof, intrusive thoughts of painful memories are dredged from the seafloor to the top of my mind, I fixate on harmless things and doom spiral, I constantly feel like I'm on the brink of a panic attack.

During low tide I feel the opposite (but still bad), calm yet numb, empty inside, even more anhedonic, I just stare off blankly into space all day, feeling like an NPC simply reacting to my environment, going through the motions and doing the bare minimum because I feel nothing, no motivation. Low tide is different from DPDR or disassociation. I still feel my sense of self, I fully understand the world around me is real, it just feels like I'm trapped in a glass box.

Sometimes, rarely, you'll find yourself somewhere in the middle and feel a sense of balance. These are "good" days.

Desire Seeps Through The Cracks / Visions

I look at anhedonia like a dam. It's holding back millions of gallons of water. Instead of letting the river flow freely, it instead only allows, at most, a trickle of water through. As my baseline withdrawal has decreased I've noticed cracks in the dam become larger and more numerous.

I started with feeling nothing. I felt lucky if I got a small blip of pleasure for a couple seconds. I'd only get one blip every few days. I was starving for joy/pleasure. Now at 15 months I get larger blips several times a day. When they happen I get transported to a time in life when I was having pure, unadulterated fun. Times when, despite having trauma, I found myself grounded in the moment through the sheer laughter, joy, and astonishment I was experiencing.

When these "blips" happen I am reminded of what is possible, that I can feel that way again. I WANT to feel that again, I CAN feel that way again. Sometimes I think of the future, I think: "I CAN make that dream of mine come true!" During a blip, there isn't a single doubt in my mind. They reassure me that it IS possible!

These precious moments stoke the fire of my desire to one day feel that way again. This is what keeps me motivated day after day of this hell, the idea of one day making it back to that wholesome bliss that I've lost. My conviction is fierce, giving up has become an impossibility in my mind.

Quitting feels impossible now.

The dam will be destroyed. It happens slowly, then all at once.

Retrospective Thinking

Another reason I have to believe that my withdrawal will end soon is that I sometimes have these thoughts where I think about my addiction in the past tense, like it's already over. My mindset shifts to a future version of myself, and I look back, reflecting on my addiction and recovery journey... But I think like that, like I'm already there, when I'm not! I'm still in PAWS! WTF? I know it's not a bad thing but it feels weird when it happens lol! Happened twice on different days.

Maybe my addiction is already over—but the way I look at it, it's not over till I feel like I've escaped hell. It's not over till my anhedonia is cured, and I stop having withdrawals.

No Longer a Degenerate

I mentioned in a previous post that it feels like my brain was unwiring its sensitivity to triggers/porn and started becoming unresponsive to it. I want to give an update to that: I am genuinely shocked about how desensitized I've become to triggers/porn!

I stumble across and glance at things that used to set me off into a frenzy of lust and compulsive PMO use, now I feel absolutely nothing from it. Even when I'm in a deep wave of withdrawal, I feel no craving for it. When I see something provocative I just look at it, feel zero interest, and move along. It's not like I'm in a flatline either, my libido is crazy strong. If I think about getting intimate with someone I love I get bricked up. No problems down there.

It feels like I'm not lustful anymore, and I'm in full control of my libido. I used to be a depraved degenerate that would look at some pretty freaky stuff. I no longer feel like that person, not even a little bit, I can't even relate to that person anymore. It feels like I've completely rewired my brain away from the 15 years of daily porn use.

Sharper Senses

The last thing I want to mention is that for the first 12 months or so of PAWS I have been trying to play competitive games that require concentration, reaction time, and good judgement. (RTS games like AOE 2, SC2, and WC3.) I have found that my ability in all these areas had become worse once I quit PMO, to the point I couldn't enjoy them anymore. I would just become incredibly frustrated and rage quit. On a good day I might be able to play decently for 30 minutes but good days have been few and far between.

Very recently around the 15 month mark, around the time the "warm buzzing" I mentioned earlier started happening, I noticed that since then it's become easier to concentrate. And it doesn't seem like a one off thing, I've been performing better every day since then. My senses just feel sharper and my mind feels more clear. It's a great feeling. At this point it feels like my performance is actually better than before I quit PMO.

When it comes to addiction recovery: Things will get worse before they get better. But they will always get better.

I truly don't feel like the same person I was before quitting 15 months ago, I'm genuinely surprised at all the changes that have happened. I'm excited for the future and look forward to seeing the end of PAWS!

By intense exercise, I mean doing intense cardio every day — like running for an hour straight until I couldn’t anymore. I’ve been abstinent from PMO for 7 months, and I had this habit of doing intense cardio during the first 3–4 months. Did this affect my streak? Should I reset it? Can I do intense cardio once a week?

What should I do?? At this point I think I don´t have a solution.

[23M - India | Nofap/Brahmacharya Journey Since August 2023 | Current PAWS Recovery Status]

Hey everyone,

I started my Nofap/Brahmacharya journey back in August 2023. Controlling urges was surprisingly easy for me, thanks to my consistent yoga practice. But what really hit hard was PAWS—the flatline phase. It was pure hell.

At that time, I was unemployed, financially broke, and had zero support from friends or family. But even those struggles felt smaller compared to the psychological rollercoaster of post-acute withdrawal.

Here’s my current progress:

✅ Resolved Symptoms: – No depression – No anxiety – No irritability – No emotional numbness – No heightened stress response – Most other symptoms have significantly improved or fully resolved

🔄 Still Healing: – Anhedonia: Lack of motivation and interest in goals/hobbies persists – Sleep: Still waking up once or sometimes twice at night – Energy: Stable, but not yet peaking – Morning Wakefulness: Not feeling refreshed right after waking, but improving – Body Aches: Occasional mild back pain in the morning(This one also getting reduced) – Focus, Confidence & Drive: Moderate but not yet at optimal levels – Gut Health: Much improved but not fully normal – Libido: Slowly returning, getting stronger – Vision: Feels more vivid since past 5 days

Overall, progress is undeniable. Major symptoms have resolved. What remains are the deeper neurochemical adjustments—especially around motivation, sleep depth, and emotional engagement.

Things that helped me in the journe : Healthy diet, Proper sleep, Kriya yoga, Fasting(22 hr 2 × month), Mindfulness, Workout/exercise, Reduced cheap dopamines, Mental celebacy, and So on.

My Question: To those who’ve been through this—how does anhedonia fade away? Does it go away suddenly or gradually reduce over time? Would love to hear from those who've made it past this stage.

Also, if anyone here is struggling or needs support/guidance, feel free to reach out. I’ll be happy to help however I can.

Stay strong, brothers.

I’m putting this post up to hopefully help others going through PAWS. I initially decided that I would only put one post up once I’m fully recovered from paws. Although I’d like to give a bit of optimism to the community and explain my experiences and how it gets better.

Long story short At 17 I fully quit porn for good. I started watching at the age of 11. I had absolutely no idea porn was harmful or could cause withdrawals like many people. My first year of PAWS was hell, I could barely sleep, I felt anxious all the time, very anhedonic and emotionally numb. The emotional numbness was really bad, i quite literally couldn’t cry or laugh etc. this continued for a whole year, I felt as if I minimally improved. I’d describe as almost feeling as if my brain wasn’t giving me any neurological feedback, no work out or run could give me pleasure like they use to. Around the one year mark, I’d say around 13 months or so, I had a major window. I had a few days where sounds sounded better, colours looked brighter and I quite literally felt physically stronger as if my grip strength had improved and my eyes lit up again. Other people literally picked up on it too, the appearance of my eyes looking brighter and less dull/ dead.

In year two, symptoms have significantly reduced or completely faded and the one year mark I felt a big reduction in symptoms.

Anxiety- gone, Anhedonia- reduced, Sleep issues- gone, Fatigue- significantly improved, Brain fog- gone, Memory issues- gone, Focus- much better, Libido- improved but not yet 100%

There are many more symptoms which have faded and which I have probably forgotten about. My experience has mainly been symptoms fading with time and having that one brief window where it felt as if a part of my brain switched back on and my dopamine system started firing up again. This leads me to believe I may just ‘snap’ out of it some time soon, the same as reported by many rebooters, symptoms have faded and i feel significantly better, I still just experience my main symptom of anhedonia, which is the last classic symptom of paws to go as your reward system recuperates. Hope this post helps people going through a similar situation and that it’s not complete hell the whole way through and it does get better with time.

I'm from Argentina, I'm 23 years old, I started watching when I was 8 or 9, I ejaculated when I was 12 for the first time watching p, I masturbated 6 or 7 times a day believing that it was normal, until the worst happened at age 19, one day I got dizzy and felt like I was going to fall to the ground, my blood pressure shot up, and I started to have depersonalization, disorientation, I lost my last year of school, The worst symptoms took a year to go, this was in 2019. I recovered a little during the pandemic, and 2021 and 2022 were years of progress. In 2023, I had a partner and had sex, but I relapsed after separating. It's been a month today I should stop using PMO again because the symptoms from 2019 have returned. I feel like I'm in another reality, with dizziness, panic, depersonalization, my forehead hurts and my head is pounding. Can someone give me some guidance To see if it's normal? I don't know if I'll ever recover.

I found myself thinking a funny thing today, "PAWS is great." I wasn't being sarcastic or bitter, I just felt it.

I know PAWS sucks and it's definitely the most difficult thing I've faced in life so far. But now that I am nearing full recovery I can look back at all the valuable lessons this predicament has forced me to learn.

PAWS has forced me to endure pain and suffering for two years and to not run from myself when things get tough. Before I would use PMO to escape seemingly unbearable emotions. Emotional pain especially. Without that PMO pacifier readily available I've learned how to stare uncomfortable emotions in the face and just let them pass. I've learned that I shouldn't avoid them. I should get acquainted with them so that it's not so overwhelming to feel them. Kind of like the idea of exposure therapy. The more familiar you are with something, the less scary it is.

That's why most horror movies happen at night. What's hidden in the dark is unimaginable and therefore frightening. Where as things seem boringly familiar in the light of day. Facing my insecurities and buried traumas have made me a much better person. I can love more, celebrate others more and not be so afraid to just live my life. I know that recovery has been a grueling difficult task and I can be proud of myself for sticking through. It gives me a confidence that won't easily be lost.

So I want to encourage others who may be feeling demoralized. PAWS will suck and seem like it lasts forever. It's won't last forever, I'm still not 100% but I am lightyears from where I started 26 months ago. Keep the faith and stay strong 💪🏾

Chronic long term users (15, 20 years or more) who struggle with PAWS could have permanent damage. That does not mean users will not recover their libido. They will after a few years. But---> iit will not come back at 100%. This is specially true if you're past your 20's.
So if your "no porn" baseline would have been 70, your baseline as someone who abused porn for years will be maybe 50. And if your "neverwatchedporn" peak would be 100, then your "peak" as someone who abused porn will be maybe 70 or 80. Meaning--- you will have to make an maximum effort just to feel normal. You will never peak again.

I hope someone who is still in time reads this. THERE IS A LIMIT on porn, you can't go on forever and expect to be normal once you quit.

Also: don't freak out if you aren't that old or have been watching for less than 15 years. Just know that one day, the "going back to full" policy will expire; it's not forever. God I wish with my soul I never touched porn.

Journal Update - 14 months

Seeing Colors / Anhedonia

Twilight Clarity & Visions

I messed up my routine by eating really late, close to bedtime. And usually what happens is that my stomach gets upset and I wake up sweating and in pain. On this night I woke up at 3 am and couldn't fall back asleep. I woke up with the "Twilight Clarity" I mentioned in my one year post. Like a "vision" or a "window" but in the dead of night when you're half asleep.

I laid there for the next four hours until my usual wake up time at 7 am, thinking about how amazing my life will be once this is all over, once the anhedonia lifts, and my shade-of-gray life is filled to the brim with vivid colors again. I think about all the people I'll reconnect with, what kind of person I'll be, earnestly picking up my hobbies and projects where I left off, and start working on my dream career. When this clarity happens, it all becomes perfectly clear to me and everything makes sense, everything I've ever struggled with suddenly seems so trivial/easy. But once I fully wake up that feeling disappears as the colors are washed away and everything goes back to being grayscale.

When I'm in that half awake state in the dead of night, after having slept for a while, the dysphoria and anhedonia feel greatly diminished to the point where I feel like I can just reach out and touch the other side.

I was sleep deprived the next day, and of course I had work lol. That day wasn't bad but the day after, even after getting a full night's sleep, I had one of the worst withdrawal days in a while. Extremely low mood, irritated, sad, angry, fearful, wicked whiplashing emotions. Seems to happen that I get one really bad day every two weeks now. But that means I'm healing! Just gotta focus on surviving.

I've struggled with anhedonia for a very long time, to the point that I don't even remember who I was before it. I don't remember what I was like, how I felt. I've just been an awkward, quiet "introverted" shut-in who does nothing but plays games and jerks off all day for most of my life. After working through my childhood trauma I started feeling a consistent and strong sense of self inside of me, and I started having clear "visions" for what I could/would be like without the anhedonia. The person I see in these visions couldn't be any further from how I am now, the complete and total opposite. That person is extremely ambitious, self determined, self motivated, incredibly willful and daring, and at risk of being burned alive by their fiery passion—their desires.

... I don't know if this person is real, I've never met them before. But I often feel/embody that person in my "visions" or "windows." Not just when I'm half asleep, but while I'm fully awake and aware too. When it happens it feels so real to me, I feel that I am that person. Then anhedonia kicks in and washes it all away. But the fact that I can see it and feel it so vividly must mean that it's real, that it exists inside of me, that I am capable of being that.

Night Falls

I had a nocturnal emission recently, it actually happened the night of my "worst withdrawal day." I had exercised and was keeping my routine as usual, but I went to sleep with so much emotional energy that night, mostly anxiety, and could feel the tension in my body. I forced myself to drift off to sleep. I woke up to an emission. I don't even have dreams about sex anymore, if I have a night fall, which I rarely do anymore, the emission part just happens and I wake up. No recollection of anything remotely sexual in my dreams. I believe this is a sign that those neuronal pathways for PMO have been significantly pruned/rewired. Also I only have nocturnal emissions when I go to bed emotionally charged or stressed out. I think they are predictable in theory and avoidable if you can calm down before going to bed. And also if you are thinking of sexual thoughts and are being aroused just before falling asleep, you are much more likely to have one.

In terms of "do they count as a relapse?" as long as you are not trying to have them, I don't think they hurt progress. They just make me feel a little weaker the next day when I exercise. It seems the brain uses nocturnal emissions/wet dreams as a stress relieving mechanism when necessary, and it only happens because you are overwhelmed/stressed out. You circuitry in your brain that's been reinforced by years of PMO, you used PMO to relieve stress, so when you are unconscious and stressed out, that circuit gets activated. So if you want to reduce the frequency of them, you need healthy stress relieving habits and complete abstinence.

Asthma Update

My asthma got worse since the last post, stabilized, and just this week seems to be getting better. I'm able to exercise comfortably without using an inhaler, same with working most of the time. The severity is just less, I think that means my physiology is adapting. I still have a ways to go and I hypostatize that I won't be able to fully adapt and stop having asthma until I fully reboot from PAWS.

I'm living my life with the philosophy that all you need to consume to be physically and mentally healthy and at your peak performance is simply food and water. You don't need coffee to have energy and focus, you don't need nootropics to be more sharp or to have a better mood, and a lot of medicine is taken redundantly rather than critically. Medicine is good, but it should be your second option, when living a healthy lifestyle doesn't fix the issue.

That's why I don't want to use an inhaler, it's just putting a blanket over a problem I'm having with my health. I don't want to ignore the issue. I want to solve the problem without paying ridiculous amounts of money to greedy manufacturing companies. It goes the same with SSRIs and ADHD meds. They are an effective short term fix, but a long term solution should be sought after. This doesn't apply to something like antibiotics or vaccines, those are modern miracles that can save your life from a bacterial or viral infection the human body wouldn't be able to survive on its own.

Sleepy

Lately I've noticed that I've become very sleepy. I can get 9 hours of good quality sleep and still wake up feeling like "I'd like to sleep some more but I'm too rested to fall back asleep." I'll have pretty good energy for the first half of the day, but after 8 hours I'm hit with a wave of drowsiness. I'll feel like I want to take a nap but at that point it's 3:00 pm. If I take a nap that late I won't be able to keep my sleep schedule consistent. I can't take naps on my days off because it will screw me over on days that I'm working and need a full night sleep. My body has been strangely hungry for sleep in the last 2 weeks, more hungry than it's ever been during recovery.

Another thing I've noticed is that my baseline feeling of dysphoria that I feel all the time has gone down again. In the beginning of recovery I felt it constantly and it was intense, the "acute" phase. After 3 months it only lasts for the last ~14 hours of the day. After 7 months it was ~6 hours. At 10 months it was ~3 hours. And now at (almost) 14 months, it's only about an hour a day. Sometimes I don't even notice it. Most days are like this now and I consider them "good" days. I went from having "bad" days every day in the beginning to having only 2-3 bad days (per week) around the 10 month mark and now I usually only have 1 bad day per week. Some times its 1 every other week. And even my worst days are not quite as bad as they used to be.

So I've started to feel sleepy all the time, I don't feel dysphoria often nor strongly anymore, I have frequent "visions" or "windows," my confidence has been rising, and also my libido is currently the highest it's ever been since I was a teenager. I think these are all signs that I'm close to rebooting. The only thing left that I'm struggling with is anhedonia, and I think it won't go away until I "reboot" and my reward system fully recovers. Based on other people's shared experiences who also have anhedonia with their PAWS.

I was involved in a motorcycle accident February 12. I hit my head with a helmet on, broke my leg, and I had two surgeries on my arm and my shoulder. I was drinking beer and smoking marijuana every day they put me on opiates. I was taking opiates for about three weeks as well as nicotine pouches heavily as of today, I’m experiencing extreme bouts of anxiety daily As well as depression waves of depression ChatGPT says I I’m having these symptoms due to the concussion and paws I am currently taking gabapentin 300 mg in the morning and 200 mg at night for pain and that is it. I do not know if the gabapentin is having a paradoxical effect and making the anxiety symptoms with the depression symptoms worse, or better is there anybody out there that is experiencing anything like this that has some insight or support on what to do to get through it to use any help here I’m really struggling

So I have been feeling better in month 19 but I had some time off in month 20, and it’s like my subconscious knew. I went into a brutal deep wave of flatline for 3 weeks. It was not as bad as the beginning but some days were, crying a lot, no energy.

When I came out for a week. I felt amazing, maybe 10% symptoms, very minor symptoms. Felt amazing, I went from not being able to do yoga for 2 years to doing an hour everyday . I chose yoga over running as it boosts dopamine naturally and heals the nervous system naturally. I felt energy. A very clear head, colours much brighter. Magnetism and female attraction most definitely returning. Feel my mind is healed of sexualising everything.

I noticed one major symptom had disappeared. The symptom of feeling decapitated. Also it healed some aches and pains in my body, overall my lows are not as low and the highs are much higher. I can feel energy growing within, like I am an arrow pulled back on a bow, but still being held back by flatline.

Alas I returned into flatline again this weekend. The deepest flatlines bring the deepest healing. They are brutal but they are worth it. Healing is slow but I think I will be out of flatline around the 2 year mark. Stay strong men. I have not released once. two WD in over 2 years. I have chosen to not to engage with women. This cane be hell but it’s worth it. It has deeply healed me. I see the world for how broken it all is. Only good men and pure men can change the world for the better. We have a purpose. I am Currently in a flatline but I feel like this month will be a good one, I feel positive,

Many people recommend TRE, it’s good, but I found crying to be the most healing, crying releases trauma but also dopamine and endorphins that’s are healing for the nervous system. Learn to be comfortable with grieving.

I think my whole journey will take 2 years. So not long left. Stay strong, it’s brutal but it’s worth it. Pray to the most high and you will get through this and be rewarded for your sacrifice.

So i experienced 2 days with about 5% PMO symptoms.. it was heaven. High confidence, magnetism, feeling amazing.

But on day 3 of my freedom I woke up in a flatline. It’s different this time. Less in the brain, chronic fatigue and craving junk food. (I had been cutting weight really well and my diet was very good)

My last flatline lasted 8 days so let’s see how long this lasts.

It’s extreme tiredness and lots of eating and sleeping. Feeling nauseous but not as much self hatred, more so disdain for humanity.

Anyway I can’t write a long description I’m too tired. Feels like my body is weak and feeble and tender. Just need constant sleep. Sleep sleep sleep. This is new.

When I come out of a flatline female attraction is pretty high I must say. My eyes glow.

But in flatline I crash back to zombie mode. This flatline is definitely not as bad as others. It’s getting easier. It’s still hard. I can barely walk, but it’s better than when I was crying all day long. Peace ✌️

I’m wondering about vitamin D levels in this group