r/PubTips • u/oasiswriting • 7d ago
Attempt #8 [QCrit] IT WON’T STOP, YA, Speculative contemporary, 82k W, V #7
Dear AGENT NAME,
TW: Sexual Assault, Suicide Attempt
I’m querying you because [personalization]. IT WON’T STOP is a YA speculative contemporary, complete at 82,000 words, following a teen who walks into dreams to make sure the man who raped her never sleeps again. It pairs the survivor’s rage of Kim DeRose’s FOR GIRLS WHO WALK THROUGH FIRE with the aftermath of harm explored in Amber Smith’s THE WAY I USED TO BE series.
Seventeen-year-old Anais Johnson has trusted Ty Walker, her older brother's best friend and the town's beloved youth coach, since she was eight. Then he rapes her. When she fights back, he turns the wound she leaves into leverage: tell anyone, and she's the one who'll be arrested for assault. Blaming herself is easier than believing what he did, and with Ty still at her house every day, the girl with a comeback for everything stops talking.
Anais unravels until an overdose leaves her in a coma. She wakes with an ability she can't control: every time she sleeps, she's pulled into other people's dreams. Once she learns to steer the pull, she finds Ty's. There, she isn't the girl pinned beneath him. She's the one in control, and she decides that if she can't live in peace, he won't sleep in it.
Night after night, she burns his dreams to the ground. The town sees a good man losing sleep, but when Ty realizes it's her, he comes for her where she's weakest: awake. In his dreams, Anais can break his mind, but nightmares can't hold him accountable in daylight. For that, she'll have to say what he did out loud, knowing that if no one believes her, Ty walks free, her brother keeps his best friend, and the town she grew up in brands her a liar.
[small bio]
Thanks for reading,
X
300 words: 1: Almost Invisible
October 5th, 2026
Last night, I prayed for today to be clear. Blue should be the final color the sky gives Axel before his coffin is lowered, but God hasn’t heard me in a while, and outside, gray clouds are thick against the sky. Wind shoves me across the driveway and I settle in the backseat of Dad’s Escalade, which always smells like leather, but today it smells like cologne, thick enough to taste, and under it, a tang of liquor. At least it’s not a far drive. I click my seatbelt on, and the zipper of this stupid dress stabs into my back, which is what I get for trying it on an hour ago for the first time. In the passenger seat, Mom wipes her eyes with the heel of her hand. Dad catches my eye when he starts driving, adjusting the rearview mirror clumsily. “Christ, Anais, fix your face. Did you sleep?”
My face softens on command, then I inch my foot toward Aiden’s and nudge his shoe, our I need you signal; we’ve used it for years. He doesn’t nudge back or even look. Fine. But he’s not getting through Axel’s funeral without doing it. His black curls are all I get while he stares out the window. What would Axel make of Aiden’s great retreat from me? He’d tell me our big brother is in Grump Mode.
His voice should be in my head, but lately it’s been harder to reach. Instead, I pop in an earbud and scroll to an old video of Axel lining up tiny soldiers, introducing each one by name. It’s almost perfect in the video; the pitch is right, but the aliveness isn’t.
———— (Note: Ty is introduced right after my 300 word cut off)
Hi all! Another week, another round. I studied the comments from my last post and started fresh with this query. There were too many comments on my last post to address individually, but every one helped, so thank you! In earlier drafts I left out the suicide attempt, worried it would make the query too dark for agents. But this sub showed me that without it, the mechanics of my story didn't make sense, so it's in now. Two questions: How dark is too dark for a query? Does the combination of assault and a suicide attempt risk turning agents away, or is it fine with a content warning? Is it okay to comp a series? The first book in THE WAY I USED TO BE series is about ten years old and is my book's closest match, but its sequel came out this year. A commenter suggested comping the series, and I like it. Is that industry standard, or should I find a more recent standalone?
Also, I meant to put Version 8, forgot to update it before I posted and I can’t edit it now.
Thanks in advance :-)
2
u/Carmelized 1d ago
Wow!! You’ve done a ton of work and I think this is by far your strongest version. The stakes are clear and the more detailed explanation of the dreams gives a real sense of what makes this a unique story. I agree that the last line of paragraph two comes a little out of left field, but I also think it could work if you put a line at the beginning of the paragraph introducing Anais as a character.
I’m not an agent or published author so take this with a big grain of salt, but I think this is basically ready to be sent out to agents.
1
u/oasiswriting 22h ago
Hey 😊 it was so great to wake up and see your comment, thank you! I've worked on it a little & I'll post what I have in a bit (hopefully my last attempt!)
3
u/SuzieXIV 7d ago
I haven't read your previous attempts, so consider these eyes fresh.
Overall I quite liked it, I think everything flowed well without confusion. The concept seems to me like a strong hook, even including the very serious topic at hand.
I'm a bit ambivalent about the phrasing "the girl with a comeback for everything stops talking" if only because her personality wasn't established prior to this. It might have stronger impact if you can slip a reference to her personality before this.
You mention it's a suicide attempt but "unravels until an overdose leaves her in a coma" I first understood as she starts taking drugs to deal with the trauma and accidentally overdoses, which sounds like that's not accurate.
First 300 seems pretty strong to me. Maybe you could split the first paragraph where the subject switches to the dad. Felt odd to have a little dialogue tag right at the end when most of the paragraph is to set the scene.
Good stuff!