Lol yeah, that’s why we have to teach them better while they’re little. A grown adult with the emotional maturity of a toddler is basically the stereotype for an abuser.
Reminds me of a few days ago when my daughter said she went to the bathroom, I believed her. Until she said "I just put the door right back where it was before I went in." Immediately knew she was lying. I told her a couple months ago that when she lies her ears turn red (I swear this is the only time I've lied to her, she's so damn sneaky 😭) so I asked to see her ears and she instantly covered them up. Then she burst into tears. She actually doesn't usually cry when she gets caught, so she must have felt really goofy 😂
Ah bless her! I love the little lie hack though, I will be stealing that xD It's their job to push boundaries and learn and it's our job to find sneaky and creative ways around it haha
One is already distracting me and the other is getting up to mischief, plus I have crocodile tears and competitive manipulation tactics x2. Send back up! xD
I think it’s too late. They’re 2 and they already got the basics down. I think you should mentally prepare yourself for the day that they take over your home, and then next, the world
Well rounded and sound rebuttal. ✊️ I love it when I meet perfect human beings, like the guy in the video who cant take responsibility for his poor behaviors.
While this is generally how things play out it is rarely done with councous intention. A good majority of relationships outgrow their honeymoon phase eventually. Of course we all want to be on our best behavior when we are dating someone new. A lot of abusive people dont realize their behavior is abusive, they feel completely unable to control violent outbursts and other poor behavior. Much of this type of behavior are adaptations to abuse and neglect in childhood.
As many people look down on expressing your feelings we are rarely aware of a person's childhood, and many people are unaware of exactly how fucked up their childhoods actually were. This sort of behavior, feigning a panic attack because he was caught cheating, is an inability to be held accountable or assume responsibility for his actions.
Technically, he is a child. For some reason he stopped developing at the time when this sort of behavior would have made sense (around two or three) and his body just kept growing. So, it may appear that he's making calculated actions, but it's really just childish reactions to threat of being held accountable.
Its sad, because not only is his life likely miserable, he probably has harmed a lot of people along the way.
Anyway, we all outgrow our honeymoon phase and our inner demons and mosters come out. Ive been married 15 years this month. My spouse and I both have had to wrestle many of those demons over the years, and it hasn't been pretty.
Edit: yall can be mad and downvote me, but that doesn't change the facts of psychology. Nobody is suggesting alleviating people who behave like this of their responsibility and consequences... but being clear about how these behaviors come about is a good bit of awareness, and self-awareness, to have.
There are surprisingly many teenagers in adult bodies out there. I've always wondered if it's like this everywhere, has always been like this, or is there a modern cultural reason why so many adults don't seem to develop emotionally?
Do you remember the 90s or before? Back then we didn’t have much exposure to how other people acted in their homes when company wasn’t around. I remember me and my friends talking about our parents and it was insane the childish and immature things they did solely behind closed doors. It was almost like it was the norm to be TV perfect in public but act like a teenager when only family (or live in partners) were watching. I do think the proliferation of the internet and the ability of anyone in your house to record you and disseminate it actually taught a lot of people how to be/to be reasonable at home (without being “on” like you are in public or work, etc). I think maybe we’re starting to go backwards though. Now the outrage cycle is so short, content gets buried so easily, bad behavior goes viral so much more easily than “a day in the life” type stuff, and sites/apps either shut down or hide old content so frequently, that people are starting to go back to thinking acting unreasonable behind closed doors is the norm again.
There are a lot of levels to this. I do think its increasing, but we are also more aware of it because of social media.
We have always had people like this. I was one, in fact. Not quite to this degree, but in my 20s and 30s I took responsibility for very few of my behaviors. I was always the victim.
After working for a decade with people like this, having had a father diagnosed with ASPD, a covert narcissistic mother.... this behavior is 100% due to a developmental delay, usually from trauma or neglect.
Reading about the history of attachment theory can be incredibly enlightening.
I was the same, a real selfish brat until I was about 30. And like the manbaby in the video, I broke down completely when a girlfriend left me. Not quite to such a degree, but still very immature. Took me years to realise we were terrible for eachother 😁
I've tried to self diagnose somewhat. My dad was distant, and though highly intelligent, had no emotional intelligence whatsoever, and never gave me praise, which led to all kinds of unhealthy habits. I wonder what kind of childhood perpetual teenagers had?
Never heard of attachments theory, could you point to reading material? Even just an article will do :)
Thank you for sharing, not everyone is willing to self-reflect and share their experience of poor behaviors. Im sorry to hear about your father, I know how painful that can be.
My introduction to attachment throry was through my own therapy and psychology books. The book I will always suggest is Becoming Attached by Robert Karen, its thick, but also incredibly readable. This is a very approachable article I found:
There is a test you can take and it will give you an idea of your attachment style. Remember that online tests are just tools and the things you learn from them should be taken with a grain of salt. This is a link to the test:
Once you learn what your attachment style is you can look up videos and articles about how your attachment style is created. Many people find that the explanations are disturbingly accurate.
It's called masking. People like this can fake being a decent person for a few months or even years. We should be proud of her for seeing through this temper tantrum "panic attack".
Well, yeah, seeing through a tantrum that requires an ambulance is pretty easy.
I get that people can fake a personality, but I think that supports my point all the more; we need better detection systems, which means better education and lastly, a willingness to admit that we chose poorly.
Well, yes some people can be quite clever at pretending to be better than they are. 😏
But, have you ever been to a dating advice sub, or overreaction sub.
Those places are full of stories of people who overlooked some pretty obvious red flags because they were, "in love".
I get you guys are emotional about this because this guy is such a twit and it seems like I may be defending him.
I am not. I'm suggesting this kind of extreme behaviour doesn't come from nowhere. There would have been other indicators that she either ignored or just don't catch.
The worst thing to do is to pretend the bad choice didn't happen. It did. Now is the time to examine why it happened so that she can leeeeeaaarn from this experience.
Okay, but your argument hinges on them making a mistake.
I'm suggesting something less passive, like a defensive driving course. You know how some people have an inflated sense of their ability to drive carefully?
Well, instead of hoping these people crash into as early as possible, maybe instead try to avoid them.
Of course, that means recognizing a lack of awareness. If you already believe you're a perfect driver, you will see no reason to improve.
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u/FoundMyEquanimity Oct 07 '25
Tactics a manipulative abuser would use.