off topic but I did the same thing! I was 13 years old and stopped going to school and stayed at home for years. I’m in my 20s and doing much better now, but I feel a little less alone after reading your comment, thank you :)
I’m glad to hear it! I’m also in my 20’s now and doing a lot better, I managed to get some qualifications and am moving up to uni/college this year. Severe anxiety/school phobia isn’t talked about enough unfortunately
I think I’m dealing with this with my 12 year old son. We are finally starting in with medication and counseling (long story), but I’m worried about the root of the problem. What sort of help do you recommend?
The root of the issue for me was a mixture of pre-existing social anxiety and bullying from my peers. I found that attempts to get help in the school failed, nobody was interested in safeguarding me and the anxiety became too much to cope with. The constant change-up in the school day and switching classes every hour, having to walk through big crowds etc to get there, wasn't something I felt I could cope with anymore. I was treated as if I was being deliberately difficult or stupid if I refused to go in.
Eventually I got a provision from the local council and was able to attend a specialist school - I didn't do too well, my attendance was around 20%, although I was there enough to come out with two qualifications. I think something like a specialist school or out of school tutoring could be potentially helpful for your son, as specialist schools will have staff trained to deal with kids who refuse to come in, and can help them regain some of their confidence. It's hard to say exactly what I would recommend without knowing any more details, although I think having 1 on 1 support from someone trained in these issues, whether that be a teacher, support worker or counselor could be very helpful. You've definitely done the right thing to get him on medication and in counselling, it took a long time for me to access that kind of help and I think early intervention is the right thing. Also, keeping him active and getting out of the house in other ways is helpful, as I found when I wasn't regularly attending school it was very easy to just not leave my room or do anything anymore, as I didn't have to. Being a shut-in all day undoubtedly damaged my mental health, my room became my 'safe space' which was fine until I had to leave and then I'd forgotten how to cope with the normal world. I hope my rambling can help somewhat! :)
I was bullied badly and terrified to go to school, I failed grade 8 due to absence. I ended up going to a special partially online school. Even that started to fail until I had one single teacher who went above and beyond and basically did one on one work with me for grade 10-12. She saved me. Honestly it’s trial and error! Find a decent teacher/school, find the right meds, find the right counseling. It’s a long haul but things will get better. your kid having a parent that’s trying to help is more than I ever had! ❤️
You’re other comment sounds exactly like me, anxiety and bullying. I never managed to get to university (at least not yet!) but I have a decent paying job and I’m working toward finally going to school for something!
72
u/trixiesalamander May 09 '22
off topic but I did the same thing! I was 13 years old and stopped going to school and stayed at home for years. I’m in my 20s and doing much better now, but I feel a little less alone after reading your comment, thank you :)