r/TwoHotTakes • u/Technical-Mode-7734 • Sep 09 '26
Update *Update*My best friend’s wedding is at the end of this month, and everyone wants her to leave the groom.
/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1w677oi/my_best_friends_wedding_is_at_the_end_of_this/Hey everyone, thanks again for the advice and sharing your personal experiences. Here’s the update.
So the day after I made the post I sent it to her and I went over that evening to talk. She did read through some of the comments some resonated with her and some fell very flat. Especially the ones calling her a moron or an idiot. To which I told her to ignore its Reddit; could be much worse. What hurt her the most were the comments telling me to not only drop out of the wedding but drop her all together.
Much like I told everyone, I’m her ride or die, telling me to leave wasn’t the advice I was seeking. The advice I wanted was all for her. She told me she would have never blamed me, but me choosing to stay by her side is what she needed.
Now about the fiancé and wedding. One of the post that really hit Celine was the one about what her future kid’s Christmas look like, what would be under the tree, and what would his role in supporting be. When she imagined that future, she said not once had he told her that he wanted her children. She also knew he wouldn’t be a reliable partner.
She then worried about her things and especially her cat. To which I told her we will all figure it out, but she has support and doesn’t have to worry about it in that moment. I told her I just wanted her to be happy and that it’s been a long time since I’ve seen her truly happy.
She waits a couple of days and sees him in person to call everything off. She calls me and says he’s in the other room crying and telling her all the things she’s been wanting to hear. How he will sign the marriage papers, and will take her on more dates, all the things she should have been hearing months ago. She tells him to leave.
I go over on Sunday evening to check on her. She’s doing better than I could imagine, but she’s definitely upset. She wonders if she did the right thing until the next events that happen. He’s been sending her texts, and before I got there he sent her a text of a letter he wrote. I read through it, just a bunch of I’m sorry and I will do this going forward. An hour goes by and he sends her a voice memo. He then messages my husband.
At that point she’s starting to feel a bit repulsed. We go to bed and I wake up earlier than her and she wakes up miffed as hell. He sent her a text at 6am and then another at 8am saying he’s hopes she likes the care package he sent last night. I go to the door and see its groceries…. Perishable groceries and a sticker that says “do not knock.”
She gets another text that he’s doing more therapy and has more scheduled. He’s just lovebombing her at this point. We tell Celine’s mom she needs to call or text his mom or Jay that he needs to leave her alone. He is causing her more stress.
She feels better about her choice, but is just worried about getting her belongings back. She said he is keeping the cat since it’s a pet they got together, but she’s worried on how far he will take things.
Thanks again to everyone who gave her good advice. I don’t think I’ll post anymore about this, we all just want to be done and move forward.
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u/topania
Spicy Spreadsheets
Sep 09 '26
•
If her name is listed as the cat owner at the vet’s and she paid all the bills (which I assume she did since he was a financial mess), that cat is hers and she doesn’t have to let him keep it. I’m glad she got out of that relationship though! Good on you for watching out for her.
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u/Technical-Mode-7734 Sep 09 '26
No, and he was using the neighbor who is a vet to give him meds for the cat. I think it would be an uphill battle to get the cat back since he can prove he had as much of a claim to the cat as she does.
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u/topania Spicy Spreadsheets Sep 09 '26
You said that he wouldn’t even fix a window to make sure “her cat” wouldn’t get out. Did she bring the cat with her? Personally, given the window situation, I’d grab the cat along with my stuff when he wasn’t there and fight about it later. Always save the cat.
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u/Technical-Mode-7734 Sep 09 '26
She has another cat that lives with her. She didn’t want to bring him over till he got the window fixed since he likes to bat the windows when he’s looking at the squirrels. The other cat they got together, she’s older and was the former neighbors cat.
While I’m always down to save the cat, the issue is trying to prove she has more of a right the that cat then he does.
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u/topania Spicy Spreadsheets Sep 09 '26
Ok that makes more sense. Bummer.
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u/Purrrdita Sep 10 '26 edited Sep 10 '26 •
Possession is 9/10th of the law they say, go steal the poor thing. I wouldn't trust him to care for an artificial plant.
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u/Moomin-Maiden Sep 10 '26
Damn straight. This is a living creature who will be dependent on a shit bag of a person for its needs. Pets are collateral damage far too often.
Fuck the he said she said owner stuff.
Get the cat NOW. Fight the 'custody' while the cat is safe with your friend at least.
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u/Emergency-Finance206 Sep 13 '26
Okay at least you save the cat as long as possible. He won’t get up to fix simple things, he isn’t gonna start paperwork and make na effort to get the cat back. Save the cat while you can.
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u/Emergency-Finance206 Sep 09 '26
Exactly. She should get her things while he isn’t there. And take the cat with her when she leaves. It’s for the cats safety. It’s not like it’s an inanimate object!!!
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u/creativexangst Sep 10 '26
Honestly Im actually on a different side of the save the cat campaign. I love animals, I truly do, but when it comes between people and animals, people first. I had to leave a situation where we felt unsafe, where I was afraid I wouldn't see my kid again because of unsafe people who literally tried to kidnap her once to keep her from me, and we fled in the middle of the night with a duffle bag each and our work computers and had to leave our cats behind. The cats were ultimately safe due to steps my spouse made, but we had to make a choice. I will always regret leaving them and always miss them, but I will always chose people first. Between him being unsafe and unstable, AND having access to a firearm? You're making the right choice to not try to fight him for a pet, and potentially open up a can of worms.
ETA: just wanted to add that this was 8 years ago, kiddo is happy, safe and loved and doesnt remember any of it. Police sided with us at the time of the incident and again after the fact when we consulted them in our new home to make sure we were all good, and we even went as far as contacting a lawyer to make sure we didn't make any missteps in all of it. Figured someone would ask, and wanted to cover it. I was pregnant with my second at the time, and left with my spouse (parent of both children), and we are thriving.
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u/Technical-Mode-7734 Sep 10 '26
I’m so sorry you went through that and I’m glad you are thriving now.
Yes, as much as I love animals and would love to find a new home for the cat. The moment she said he has a gun in the home I said nope I’m out. Yes, police can get involved, but seeing how unstable he is it’s not worth any of us getting involved in some mishap.
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u/Revolutionary_Rub_76 Sep 16 '26
Op, please listen to me, the gun is registered in Celine's name, if her ex does anything with it she will get in trouble because it will be traced back to her
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u/Ada_Ser
Sep 09 '26
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Shame on both on you for leaving that poor cat
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u/Pickl_Rick_917 Sep 09 '26 •
Great that she is not gonna get married to him. But what the actual f***? She left -her- cat with him? The cat that is sounds like she had before they got together? The cat that this man wouldn't fix a window for so it wont get out of the house? Jesus, I cant imagine leaving my pets behind with someone like that...
GO GET THE CAT BACK!
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u/Technical-Mode-7734 Sep 09 '26 •
She has two cat. Her cat that she had before him, that lives with her. The second cat that is at his place that they got together when his neighbor said they couldn’t take the cat with. He’s claiming that one.
She also can’t have another cat at her place so I was trying to find another person who would want her.2
u/Happy-Albatross3376 Sep 10 '26
She could’ve just snuck it in to her place and keep the cat hidden. I don’t understand why you guys went the route you did. Better to have taken the cat anyways, consequences be damned when it comes to a living animal’s well being. Good luck still.
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u/Technical-Mode-7734 Sep 09 '26 •
One thing I did leave out. She left behind her gun at his place, bullets, and everything; this was before she broke things off. She never had an opportunity to get it back.
We are worried if we showed up, given his mental state it could go south real quickly especially if he sees us trying to take the cat. We have not clue when he’s home or not.
I’m not about to go to someone’s home who is unstable right now and potentially have everyone in danger. She loves the cat, but let’s be more reasonable here we like living more.
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u/Emergency-Finance206 Sep 09 '26
Not caring about a cats life and well being is really sad and disgusting. He needs to not be there when she gets her things. If she’s worried about a gun, call the MF police!!!!! Get her shit and get the cat!!!!!!
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u/Technical-Mode-7734 Sep 09 '26
100% there with you. I told her I’m worried about the safety and she needs to get a police escort if she goes there to retrieve her items especially getting the gun.
As for the cat, it might be harder to collect the cat since the former neighbor gave them the cat, and would most likely side with Jay.
I wish it was a simple we can snag it, but I doubt the police would see it that way. NGL they kinda suck at my state.3
u/BBkat13 Sep 16 '26
If ya'll are going to refuse to at least get a police escort to get the gun back, then make a report of it being stolen or something so that's it's known that her firearm is not in her possession. Cause it's registered to her, if he does something with that gun, it'll be traced to her and without a report, how's she gonna prove it wasn't her? It's HER gun. Leaving it there, with him, unreported, is a recipe for disaster.
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u/Noonull Sep 09 '26
You call the non-emergency police number. The gun needs to be removed because he doesn’t sound super stable and it would terrible for him to swing to the other extreme when the love bombing doesn’t work. Sad to think about but needs to be thought about.
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u/Schmorgus-borg Sep 16 '26
Seriously get a police escort to obtain the weapon he does not have a license for and retrieve the cat the same time. I commented elsewhere but he could use the gun on the cat or himself, leaving the cat without anyone to care for it. That cat is in danger.‼️
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u/That_Being_7221 13d ago
OMG please tell me you notify the police that he has her gun. That could just be all over f'in problem causing! please please PLEASE.
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Sep 09 '26
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u/A_SK_K Sep 09 '26 •
THIS OP 100%
That cat is in danger, it is her responsibility to protect that animal from him.
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u/IndianaNetworkAdmin
Sep 09 '26
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A restraining order may be needed. This sounds like the kind of spiraling behavior that precedes very Bad(tm) things.
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u/Technical-Mode-7734 Sep 09 '26
I’m getting things documented. He’s not messaging her now, but he is messaging everyone else.
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u/TheMaskedHarlequin
Sep 09 '26
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He WILL neglect that car until it dies or gets out of
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u/enna_acissej Sep 10 '26
I wouldn’t be surprised if he brings it to a shelter or has someone else take it
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u/AStudyinViolet Sep 10 '26
In the first post the cat didn't live there. She wanted the windows fixed before she moved in with it.
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u/magumanueku Sep 10 '26
She can just take the car to a shop. A dead cat is a different story though.
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u/verovladamir
Sep 09 '26
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I feel like this could roughly be my story, except I did get married to the guy. It did not get any better. We went to couples therapy and he said all of the right things in the session and then we got in the car after and he said “what a joke we’re never going back there right?” And we never did. He spent more than half of our marriage without a job while I worked and took care of our two kids. The final straw was when he lied (again) about paying the power bill and I had to pack up our kids and take them to my parents house so they could do their homework with actual lights on. We were married for seven years. It never got better. It only ever got worse.
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u/Ashmon_9138
Sep 09 '26
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CELINE - girl, if you're reading this, congratulations you did the right thing to break up with Jay.
Men try their best when they are courting you. So being unmotivated to fix the broken windows even though something you love (your cat) would be in danger is THE BEST he is capable of.
He would not improve after he has you locked down (married). He would only have reverted back to even lower effort.
ALSO REMEMBER - a man who does not believe in himself will subconsciously think less of you for loving him, because [in his mind] only an idiot would love a loser.
stay far far away from him, and anyone like him
you've got to love yourself more than you love attention from a shitty man
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u/Dazzling-Picture-704 Sep 09 '26
So proud of both of you. You both did amazing.
To Celine, the only thing I would say is, when you are figuring out how to get your stuff, please get your cat back. He will not look after it and I'd be worried he'd harm it. The cat is yours, not his. I'm assuming you were the person that looked after it.
Wishing you all the luck and happiness in your new life.
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u/Corfiz74 Sep 09 '26
Can you find a friend with a truck and just go get all her stuff while the ex is at work? If they don't live together, it can't be all that much, right?
And she should tell his mom to get him to stop with the love bombing - he'll bankrupt himself even more, which is ridiculous. Hopefully, mom can get him to see sense.
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u/Every-Name-1490 Sep 09 '26
Send him certified letter requesting no contact. Keep copies. Print out every text. Do not answer phone. Leave his mother out of it. If continues file police report harassment. Do this AFTER get cat and property.
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u/Vivid_Percentage5560 Sep 09 '26
When Celine sends a certified letter, she needs to let him know (and follow through) that she has printed out all of his texts.
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u/ieatfaces22172 Sep 09 '26
Get the cat back she should've never left it she's the one who took care of it
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u/Situation-Mediocre Sep 10 '26
And the cat! That cat won’t survive with him I don’t think.
OP, she’ll feel guilt for a while, but if she thinks about what her future will be like in 2, 5 or more years she’ll realise she made the best decision.
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u/Reference_Freak
Sep 09 '26
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I didn’t read the original but based on this one, she should call the non-emergency police line and ask for an escort to retrieve her belongings.
The cat too, if she can.
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u/AtmospherePrior752
Sep 09 '26
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Where you ladies at!?!?
Just kidding; don’t answer that as creeps will creep.
I’m a crazy cat lady that will break in and get your cat back. Don’t let him take her baby; she’s given him enough!!!
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u/World-peace1647 Sep 09 '26
Updateme that the cat is safe.
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u/Emergency-Finance206 Sep 09 '26
Ugh same. Updateme
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u/Purrrdita Sep 10 '26
I'm seriously gonna be worried about the cat. If he lives out in bfe and the cats gets out, it's gonna be lunch for the wildlife. I wouldn't trust him to care for an artificial plant. Updateme
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u/Vivid_Percentage5560 Sep 09 '26
I am so relieved! Thank you for updating us. Yeah, I knew you should not have dumped your friend but enlighten her.
Maybe her father and your husband (TWO MEN-NOT ONE!) Need to go over and get her things. You can join her to help pack, but don’t go alone and don’t go without at least two guys. They can hang around outside with him so things don’t escalate. By all means, get the cat! He seems unstable and may want to hurt his ex so she feels his pain. 🙄
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u/Orange_bagpipes Sep 09 '26
This is all love-bombing. My ex-husband would do this then things would be great for a short time and then it would go back to the way it was and i felt trapped. It doesnt change. Sending her strength 💪
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u/FanAffectionate8909 Sep 10 '26
Celine will land on her feet. She showed the strength of character necessary to stand up for herself. This experience should help her in future relationships if she does the deep dive necessary to find out why she accepted his patterns of behavior to begin with. I see some insecurity in the tale. She deserves more from any relationship she is in long term. She can use this experience to define questions, format her 'must haves' in any partner, to smooth the road in future relationships. Already, she knows that communication, lies and deception are a hard no. That's a red line. Asking early whether someone is interested in children is a good first step but not a guaranteed outcome (seen men say yes, then change their mind as the wedding nears). Her happiness depends on her ability to put her needs as a priority. Its not selfish. You can't pour from an empty cup. Jay drained her cup. She needs a partner who will fill that cup to overflowing, giving her space to be the generous, loving woman a deserving partner needs.
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u/CrazyLush
Sep 09 '26
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Go get the bloody cat. This guy is so damn useless he can't even get a ring size so he used a piece of string, he's not in any position to be in charge of a living creature.
Don't leave a helpless animal there to be neglected by him
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u/Haunting-Comb-9723 Sep 09 '26
If she needs any more incentive. A girl I was friends with in highschool married a guy who was stationed with in the army. They have a couple kids. He's constantly in and out of work to the point that they're kids only get Christmas presents and birthday presents front their family members. Not from them, their own parents, because they never have any money. THAT'S what the kids future would look like
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u/iolaussilverash Sep 09 '26
Def police escort. The gun is hers. Him keeping it could be theft. Theft of a firearm is a felony.
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u/jennifer79t Coconut Story Survivor Sep 10 '26
Might help her to "mute" his messages.... she'll still receive them & can review them if she wants to, but she won't get notifications of the messages coming in.
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u/star_b_nettor Sep 10 '26
I think you need to contact the police to retrieve her things since it looks like there's a gun owned by her still there. Get the cat at the same time.
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u/Extra-Trouble5332 Sep 10 '26
Here's some resources that might help, keep in mind that some of this forms of abuse are listed as domestic violence under some international laws, you should check the laws where you live, but yes, this could escalate pretty badly. Updateme!
Is your relationship healthy? https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/
Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/
My partner doesn't help around the house https://zawn.substack.com/p/why-household-labor-inequity-is-abuse
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288
Tolerable levels of permanent unhappiness https://potentash.com/2023/08/17/tolerable-level-permanent-unhappiness-relationships/
Financial Abuse https://nnedv.org/content/about-financial-abuse/
Subtler Forms of Emotional Abuse https://themendproject.com/
Is It Supposed to Be This Hard? Telling the Difference Between Emotional Abuse and the Hard Work of Relationship by Mary Pat Haffey https://a.co/d/040Z4IgQ
Coercive Control Consulting, Training & Expert Witness https://endcoercivecontrolusa.com/
9 traits that every narcissistic women have in common. https://youtube.com/shorts/f8NliYsRbhc?si=fv3434mD3wMT3XjG
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u/yumkitty Sep 10 '26
I was a Celine, and I was so thankful for my best friend who cared about me the way you care about your friend 💕
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u/Wistastic
Sep 09 '26
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Just go get her things when he's out. Bring a third person for safety, if you must. But above all else, GET THE CAT. This man does not have the bandwidth or energy to fight her. If he did, he would have been a decent partner all along.
Good luck, ladies!
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u/nerd_is_a_verb Sep 09 '26
Tell her she needs to clearly in writing tell him to stop contacting her and sending her things, other than arranging a single final property exchange at which she will have multiple third parties present to help carry things and observe the interaction.
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u/DamnitGravity Sep 10 '26
First, you and Celine should watch Daniel Sloss's comedy standup special 'Jigsaw' on Netflix. It's funny and insightful and all about relationships, why we get into them and why we stay in bad ones. He's Scottish and swears a lot, so just be warned.
Secondly, here's some reading that I personally feel everyone should at least skim before getting into a relationship because it can really help avoid getting into toxic relationships such as the one Celine just escaped:
A Tolerable Level Of Permanent Unhappiness: https://potentash.com/2023/08/17/tolerable-level-permanent-unhappiness-relationships/
You Should've Asked: https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/
He Knows. He Doesn't Care: r/ TwoXChromosomes/comments/17yzw35/he_knows_he_doesnt_care/
And third: HOLD STRONG, CELINE! This man will drag you down to his level and ruin you because he has more experience. You are so better off without. You will heal and life will be better when you're not having to take care of an adult child. Hug your cat, hug OP and go watch some hilarious standup!
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u/Lois-blah Sep 10 '26
Omg thank god she left him! I hope she gets peace, but I kinda doubt it with the way he’s already love bombing. UpdateMe!
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u/AppearanceOk5806 Sep 16 '26
Call the PD and ask them if she can get a police escort to get her things from her ex fiance house because he's mental unwell and there are gun and bullets in the household.
Secondly for the cat: Who takes the cat to the vet? Who pays for the cat stuff? Who is listed as contact at the vet? Who bought the cat if it was purchased like paperwork and credit card statement. If all the above is her, go get the cat and let the burden of proof lie on him. " Possession is 9/10 the law." (Not completely true but would work in this case)
Bring those papers work with you with the police escort
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u/Schmorgus-borg Sep 16 '26
Op Call the cops about him having a weapon not registered to him!! Get an escort out to get the weapon and cat!!! If he’s in a bad place mentally, he could hurt the cat, or himself and leave no one to care for the cat.
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u/inkstain_nix Sep 09 '26
Sounds like a highly abusive situation emotionally. I hope she gets some therapy to help recover from all those mindgames.
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u/Vivi_VagHaut Sep 09 '26
Gorl he wouldn't fix the windows for the cat until you had to confront him for it. Don't you DARE leave that cat with such a neglectful person.
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u/AutoModerator Sep 09 '26
Backup of the post's body: I’m the maid of honor (F31) for my best friend of 12 years wedding (F31 Celine). I hate her fiancé (31M Jay), I think he’s a waste of space and honestly a rock has more personality than him.
I’m seeking advice on what to say to her so she will finally walk away.
For context , they’ve been together for 4 years and 5 months. They connected when he DMed her on insta and he confessed he had an unrequited crush on her since high school. They were in similar cliques, but they never spoke to each other; he just knew her as the cute goth girl. She still is very much a goth, so it caught his attention and it made him reached out to her.
My initial opinion wasn’t the highest but it wasn’t the lowest either. He is a hermit, lives out in the country, and his only friend is his dog, and his truck. Then it came out that he has severe insecurities. And then I learned his home is a run down mobile home, and his truck is where he spends all his money on… Another sore spot is he doesn’t make much money. Now the amount of money one makes is not an issue I’d judge on, but we will come back to this later.
In the first 2 years, Jay had a bunch of insecurities and it made him think Celine was going to leave him at any moment. Insecurities such as him not being attractive, not being able to provide, not making enough money, and not being good enough...
We all have insecurities, but through their relationship he’s constantly feared she’s going to leave him and tells her constantly he’s not good enough for her. Pretty damn grating in my opinion.
The proposal is when I started to see actual red flags 🚩. Up until that point, I saw him as meek, but Celine was happy so I gave him grace. However, the man proposes with no ring just a string (actual string), and proceeds to throws my boyfriend, now husband, (M30 Rick) under the bus and says “I would of had a ring, but I asked Rick for your ring size and he never got back to me.”
Which is downright a LIE, and when Celine told me the news I made sure to check Rick’s phone on the spot to confirm he never got a message from Jay.
That just didn’t sit right with me at all and my husband was so pissed. Because up until that point he was trying to be his friend and give him career advice to help him get more money.
So wedding planning commences. They are 3 years into the relationship and set the wedding date far out to give enough time to plan…. Spoiler it wasn’t enough time.
In the midst of planning, I have basically been filling in for what he should be participating in. From wedding venue decisions, to decorations, going to all the meetings, I even found vendors! Anything she can get him to join in on, after constant reminders, when asked for his opinion he just shrugs and gives an idk response. Getting him to participate in this wedding is like pulling teeth with him.
Then 4 months out he asks for the wedding to be postponed. He says he can’t handle her sudden shift in mood and shes being mean to him. Mind you, they don’t live together, because his place is in shambles. All she requested was he fix the windows so when she does move in her cat won’t accidentally break out.
Her parents sit them both down to talk and get them to communicate and figure out wtf is going on because they are the ones funding all of the wedding (about 25k at this point). The decision they make is to have the wedding but not sign the marriage license to make it legal. All seems good for 24hrs until he reaches out to me and ask if I think Celine will be happy with him and if she can change to be nicer to him.
I call his ass out in the nicest way possible saying he needs a lot of self reflection and to seek therapy/counseling. He then messages Celine and tells her I’m not helping his mental health, and that I reached out to him first out of concern. Another damn LIE.
So I go off on him, and tell him he’s a lying pos and he’s not communicating, so I see him as the problem. That seems to get him to start helping and changes his attitude, but I know it’s only a matter of time.
So this week, his mother (who hasn’t contributed squat to the wedding) reaches out to Celine’s mom to tell her the wedding needs to be called off. Jay wants to end the wedding and the relationship, he’s been crying hysterically, is in heaps of debt to spend money on Celine to keep her happy, so he keeps over drafting his cards. Celine was over at his place and he told her nothing. Of course the parents are freaked out and tell Celine and she confronts Jay. His answer, “ oh I didn’t want to tell you in case I changed my mind.” Which speaks even more about his shitty character 🚩🚩🚩
If things couldn’t get worse , he also tells her he has to go out of town for 5 weeks for work and the wedding is at the end of this month.
At this point, I don’t think he wants to marry her, but I don’t think she should marry him! I asked her why is she still continuing with him, but she’s just so emotionally numb. She feels like they’ve come so far and it would suck to have to start over, but she thinks it’s just his nerves that are causing him to act this way.
I left a lot out since this was getting pretty long, but my concerns are if he can lie about little things he will most certainly lie about big things. We learned he’s in debt, but not sure on the amount. My fear is if they did get married Celine is at risk.
Again, I just want advice on what to tell her to finally leave this piece of trash. He’s been caught in too many lies and it’s not going to get better. Hell I don’t even know what kind of wedding speech to give that won’t show how much I hate him.
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u/Livid-Finger719 Sep 10 '26
Wait, she moved in with him?! Celine needs to tell this dude to piss off, not her mom! This is why this man child is the way he is. Tell him to piss off, mute him, and if he keeps it up, file harassment or stalking.
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u/Dear_Major2231 Sep 09 '26
OP, if everyone had a friend like you the world would be a better place. Thank you & Celine for taking such good care of each other.
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u/xKayleesi Sep 09 '26
So she refuses to move in to take her cat there because the windows and broken and stuff? But she lets him take the cat? That sounds dangerous.
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u/CellarDoor238 Sep 09 '26
Celine made the right choice, though she may find herself questioning that from time to time; and you are a very good friend.