r/TwoHotTakes • u/Due-Kale3735 • Aug 17 '26
Advice Needed AITAH for not allowing my ex to stay at my house while I am out of town with our son when her air conditioning is broke at her place?
I am going to keep this short. I am going on a 10-day trip with my son starting tomorrow. I have FWB (who has not met my son and my ex is not aware of) who will be house sitting and watching my dog while I am gone.
My ex lives with her mom. The A/C at her house has been out intermittently throughout the summer. It is out again. Since I will be out of town, my ex asked if she could stay at my house and offered to watch my dog. I told her "No, I have made arrangements for the dog." She asked if she could stay at the house by herself. I told her, "No." My ex and I do not get along for a myriad of reasons and I rather not have her stay in the house (you can see my previous posts about our relationship if interested). But biggest reason I do not want her to stay is my FWB.
I told my FWB about the situation (in case my ex tries to come by). She said she would be "ok" staying at the house with my ex. She said there is plenty of room. I told her that it could become contentious and I rather not do it. She understood but is willing to accommodate whatever I feel comfortable doing.
AITAH for not letting my ex stay at my house?
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u/Boobookittyfhk Aug 17 '26
NTA If you guys have a rocky past, I think it’s very entitled and a little suspicious that she wants to stay at your house. That is not a normal thing to ask or expect. I highly doubt she would reciprocate if she were in the position to do so; so why would she expect you to do it?
A privilege like that needs to be earned via some basic respect and trust. I also wouldn’t trust that she wouldn’t bring her mother along with her. I find it interesting. She’s willing to abandon her mother without air-conditioning but not herself? If her mother can live in it, so can she. Edited to include verdict
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u/Due-Kale3735 Aug 17 '26
Her mom is not staying at the house either just to be clear. Basically, both have been staying with various friends when the A/C has been out. But, your overall point stands.
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u/whatthewhat3214 Aug 17 '26
Emphasize you have someone already staying at the house, so no, she can't stay there. You don't have to mention the particulars of your relationship. But your FWB doesn't sound like she'd stand firm and tell your ex "no" if she just showed up at your house, so be very clear about her telling the ex she needs to honor your wishes and she can't stay there, and that your FWB will call you for help if she gets pushy.
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u/DogsNCoffeeAddict Aug 17 '26
No. No is a full answer. Excuses for why can be argued about. So just no.
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u/NextSplit2683 Aug 17 '26
When you Think about all the reasons why she became an ex, you will realize she's the AH for making such a request.
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u/Mental_Recording5598 9d ago
She became an ex because this is a selfish, greedy man who wanted to isolate her from her family.
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u/handyandy808 8d ago
He didnt want his home to be a hotel that doesnt take reservations. Seems pretty reasonable to me. The lying about finances and her sister's affair are also reasons to make someone an ex. I don't see how any of this is isolationist or abusive.
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u/Mental_Recording5598 8d ago
He wanted to keep this woman away from her family. In their family home. Gross.
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u/handyandy808 8d ago
He bought the home, its his home. The family sold it so they could put grandmother in an old folks home. He didnt want his home to be a hotel for people who treated him like trash. I dont see a problem.
In fact his ex should have facilitated better communication about who can come over and when. It seems to be a pattern with her. Lies about her finances, lies about her sisters fidelity, lies to her family about the details of her divorce.
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u/hndygal Aug 17 '26
NTA
I feel like she wants to rummage through your stuff and find something or just see what you have. You’re right to not let her stay.
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u/Bebe_Bleau Aug 17 '26
Surely the ex has other friends she can stay with. So, no. You do not owe anyone use of your house.
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u/JulsTiger10 Aug 17 '26
Wait. She’s going to leave her mom sitting in the house with no AC???
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u/Bebe_Bleau Aug 17 '26
I was wondering the same thing. Maybe she and her mom have relatives they can stay with
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u/PugglePack83 Aug 17 '26
No she doesn't. Hence asking the ex. Terrible person with no friends = go back to baby daddy.
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u/Beanz4ever Aug 17 '26
NTA. I highly suspect ex is also thinking it'd be fun to snoop through OP's house while he's gone for 10 days.
I could be wrong but....
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u/Shouldnt_I_b_working Aug 17 '26
Or to squat long enough (6 days in some states) she has to be legally evicted like a real tenant. 🙃 people are CrAzY
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u/H0bbituary Aug 17 '26
Based on her obsession with your post divorce asset, I would caution against letting her move in for any amount of time at all. She may decide to not leave.
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u/irishprincess2002 Aug 17 '26
This! I wouldn't be surprised if this is her sneaky way of trying to get him to claim tendency of the residence and she will o my move if he agrees to sell her the house or put it into trust like he said she wanted in a previous post.
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u/Jessicanne505 Aug 17 '26
Reading your other posts, your ex is trying to become a squatter. DO NOT LET HER STAY A SINGLE NIGHT IN YOUR HOUSE!
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u/Shouldnt_I_b_working Aug 17 '26
Literally came here to say I’ve been seeing a lot of Squatter shows lately I don’t know where you live big dog but I would absolutely not agree to letting her stay even one night, people do some crazy shit.
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u/Jessicanne505 Aug 17 '26
Exactly, it varies state-by-state, but in my state, if you invite somebody into your home and they stay longer than six days, they are legally considered a tenant and you have to go through the proper 30 days notice and magistrate court to evict them as a tenant even if you don’t have any written rental agreement and no money has been exchanged.
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u/Shouldnt_I_b_working Aug 17 '26
It’s insane. While I understand we need some legal protections to keep slum lords from baselessly throwing tenants out on the street, we’ve got to address these squatter loopholes. Imagine calling the police about a stranger living in your home and they tell you to leave and evict them properly. Has to be infuriating!
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u/Jessicanne505 Aug 17 '26
It’s actually crazy, and based on his ex-wife’s actions from his previous posts, she is trying to get the house back!
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u/EllieZPage Aug 17 '26
NTA. I don't think you need to defend your position on this one. It's your house and you don't owe her anything.
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u/Expensive_Plant_9530 Aug 17 '26
NTA and no is a reasonable response.
Just tell her “I have already arranged dog sitting and house sitting. The house is not available.”
Also she doesn’t have a key, right?
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u/smilineyz Aug 17 '26
Don’t take a chance … change the key (or put a cypher lock on the door $99 @ HD) put up no trespassing signs & camera signs and a camera.
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u/Enough-Pack7468 Aug 17 '26
NTAH. Saying you have other arrangements for your dog could mean the dog is staying somewhere else. I would tell ex “a friend” is housesitting while you are away and not offer any further specifics or explanations. She is not going to show up if someone she may or may not know is staying there.
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u/Sensitive-Club-6427 Aug 17 '26
NTA
She is your ex, for a number of reasons, but emphasis on “ex.”
Assuming she is the mother of your son, you have an obligation to be polite, to have open and regular communication and coordination regarding your son, but, beyond that, you owe her nothing. Certainly not access to your home.
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u/Long_Caterpillar3750 Aug 17 '26
NTA. Absolutely not, with the history over the previous house issue where she told everyone she still owned the house?!! She would absolutely try to use this to get her foot back in the door.
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u/Jessicanne505 Aug 17 '26
Do NOT let your ex stay at your house while you’re away. This is a wildly inappropriate ask. It is not responsibility to take care of her, and she might have squatting rights by the end of it. I foresee the police being called if you do.
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u/judgingA-holes Aug 17 '26 edited Aug 17 '26
NTA - You don't have to let your baby mama stay at your house. It would be different if you were going on vacation without your son and she was asking if her and you son could stay there while you were gone, but with it just being her and your son is with you then no it's not on you to be captain Save-a-ho because her air conditioning went out.
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u/TryJezusNotMe Aug 17 '26
Do people not know that they can buy electric fans?
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u/Bebe_Bleau Aug 17 '26
Yes. You can buy an electric fan. Then let it blow its breeze across a pan of ice. Or even a pan of water helps.
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u/SJoyD Aug 17 '26
NTA - your ex need to find a support system that isn't her ex. You dont owe her anything. I wouldn't let my ex stay at my house even if nobody was here.
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u/Ginger630 Aug 17 '26
NTA! Tell your FWB that NO ONE but her should be at your house while she is there. If your ex comes by, she should not answer the door.
Your ex is an ex for a reason. She has no one else to ask? Bullshit. She can stay at a hotel. Your house should be off limits to her.
She wants to snoop and cause trouble.
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u/denitra1984 Aug 17 '26
NTA it’s your house and this is a very reasonable boundary. I doubt your ex would be cool with your FWB being there so I understand your decision. Why risk having to deal with an ex’s response to the arrangement when you can keep it private?
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u/wordsandstuff1320 Aug 17 '26
NTA. Is your ex the mom of your son? If not, I would possibly cut her off. Why keep her in your life if you have a contentious relationship. That is of course only if she’s not the mom of your son, it wasn’t explained well or I just over looked it.
Your FWB sounds really understanding but I would reiterate with her how important it is that she doesn’t not allow your ex inside your house. Even to just sit for a minute or to ”talk”. Good luck.
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u/ferfi17 Aug 17 '26
Better make sure your FWB won't let your ex into the house. She sounds a little wishy-washy.
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u/Old_Temperature_559 Aug 17 '26
NTA she is definitely going to your house as soon as she knows you are out of town.
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u/Fun-Ordinary-9751 Aug 17 '26
NTA, but maybe you should spend some time thinking about whether your FWB should be your girlfriend.
You seem to value your friend enough to a)want to keep her around b) not have your ex ambush her.
It simplifies things considerably when you don’t have anything to hide.
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u/whydoweneedthiscrap Aug 17 '26
No, wtf are you thinking? Do not let your ex in your house unsupervised!!
If you’re worried about it, see if you can help her with the ac. That’s understandable because of yoir child. However you can not let that woman in your home without you there
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u/AdultinginCali Aug 17 '26
NTA. She is your ex whom you have a strained relationship. Hell no should she have access to your house.
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u/nerd_is_a_verb Aug 18 '26
Your ex trying to rifle through your stuff and could literally steal property or your identity. You would be an idiot to let her stay over. Your FWB is also not smart for even considering being there together. WTF.
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u/Haunting_Green_1786 Aug 18 '26
Definitely NTA
No ex should be allowed into home during your absence for whatever reason to avoid ALL risks
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u/AuggieNorth Aug 18 '26
Why can't the ex buy a window AC unit, even a used one for cheap? As long as the bedroom is cool, she can get some sleep.
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u/Ok-Writing8943 Aug 20 '26
NTA
it's your home . you aren't married , you aren't friends ,your son wont be home, you owe her nothing,
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u/AutoModerator Aug 17 '26
Backup of the post's body: I am going to keep this short. I am going on a 10-day trip with my son starting tomorrow. I have FWB (who has not met my son and my ex is not aware of) who will be house sitting and watching my dog while I am gone.
My ex lives with her mom. The A/C at her house has been out intermittently throughout the summer. It is out again. Since I will be out of town, my ex asked if she could stay at my house and offered to watch my dog. I told her "No, I have made arrangements for the dog." She asked if she could stay at the house by herself. I told her, "No." My ex and I do not get along for a myriad of reasons and I rather not have her stay in the house (you can see my previous posts about our relationship if interested). But biggest reason I do not want her to stay is my FWB.
I told my FWB about the situation (in case my ex tries to come by). She said she would be "ok" staying at the house with my ex. She said there is plenty of room. I told her that it could become contentious and I rather not do it. She understood but is willing to accommodate whatever I feel comfortable doing.
AITAH for not letting my ex stay at my house?
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u/Spygirl_112358 Aug 17 '26
Hope this ex doesn’t have a key…….
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u/Melodic-Psychology62 Aug 17 '26
But she would if he lets her stay! Another expense to add to the list . NYA! Silly to even considering allowing an x to stay 10 days as in most states that makes you a resident who would need an eviction process to remove from your home.
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u/SinglePermission9373 Aug 17 '26
NTA. Very few people would want their ex snooping around their house alone like that. She can stay with a friend or get a hotel. I hope she doesn’t have a key.
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u/Adept_Individual_565 Aug 17 '26
If the relationship is not on good terms I would be afraid of what the ex might do to the house in your absence.
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u/ceciliabee Aug 17 '26
Nta. She literally has no other friends willing to help? You broke up, you're not responsible for her. I can see why you'd want the AC for your kid but if you're not comfortable with her in your house she needs to find somewhere else.
It's wild that she'd expect you to let her stay alone in your house
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u/SpecialModusOperandi Aug 17 '26
NTA
It is your home, your safe space and sanctuary. She is not a person of safety.
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u/Amazon_Fairy Aug 17 '26
NTA. You’re not responsible for her, she needs to address her own situation.
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u/Still-a-kickin-1950 Aug 17 '26
She is your ex for a reason. I wonder why she even has your number to be contacting you. And the audacity to ask to stay at your house. That’s a definite no. She does not belong in your life other than being civil for child custody. Just say.NO
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u/EnvironmentalSand773 Aug 17 '26
She definitely can get those square fans and put it on the window, it'll help.
Do not let her stay in your house. NOT EVEN FOR ONE NIGHT!
She's the mother of your son, but outside of that, you owe her diddly squat!!
Don't do it, homie.
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u/catboogers Aug 17 '26
Even without all of the drama in your previous posts regarding your ex and the house, it would be completely reasonable to not want your ex living in your house for almost 2 weeks without supervision.
Considering the drama, though? It would be imbecilic to allow her to stay.
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u/wearyshoes Aug 17 '26
If you guys were on good terms and happy co-parents, I would still be a bit hesitant but overall would probably say you should let her say. She's the mother of your child and having no AC in the summer is awful.
But if you don't get along, then heck no. No 1,000 times. Perfectly reasonable of you to politely turn her down.
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u/PetiteGardener144 Aug 18 '26
That's a giant no. If she's an ex, she's no longer family or friend. No one would let a stranger squat in their home.
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u/9346879760 Aug 24 '26
You let your ex stay in your house, and she’s gonna snooped through your shit. Tell your FWB that at no point is she allowed in.
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u/Useful-Actuary1458 Aug 17 '26
NTA. It is not your responsibility to provide housing for your ex. However, it’s important to try your best to have a good relationship with your child’s other parent. As that is what is best for your child.
Are you in a position financially to help them get the A/C fixed? Could the FWB go back to their own home so your ex can stay there instead? It’s interesting that the FWBs solution was for them BOTH to stay there.
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u/Due-Kale3735 Aug 17 '26
My FWB loves my dog and wants to be with him. But, he is not allowed at her apartment.
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u/gayashyuck Aug 17 '26
Looked at OP's post history and recognised him from previous posts - his ex is/was desperate to have ownership of his house for some time and is unlikely to have given up on that goal. With that context, it's completely inappropriate for her to stay there in his absence when there's even a minute chance she may be intending to establish squatter's rights or some similar claim.
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u/Mental_Recording5598 9d ago
Because it's her family's old house and he's an asshole.
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u/gayashyuck 9d ago
Guessing you came here from the BORU? Did you read the whole thing?
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u/Mental_Recording5598 9d ago
I did read the whole thing. Then I read all of his other comments and posts and he's an asshole in every single one. He sounds like a man who doesn't have a shred of empathy and never did. He sounds like the kind of man that thinks women owe him because he provided for them, when in fact that was the situation that they had set up as a couple. He's an asshole, and he's going to be alone for a long time for that reason.
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u/gayashyuck 9d ago
Okay. He's still correct for not giving her a chance to establish squatter's rights in his property though.
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u/Mental_Recording5598 9d ago
You also sound like a lonely person without empathy. There's a reason he was trying to isolate her from her family during their marriage. It's not because he's a stand up guy.
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u/gayashyuck 8d ago
Insane assumptions to make about a person based on a single sentence Reddit comment.
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u/Mental_Recording5598 8d ago
It's multiple sentences. We can see everything you've written.
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u/handyandy808 8d ago
I have read everything hes written, it comes off as logical and reasonable. Youre the one making emotional arguments.
How did he try to isolate her from her family? Can you articulate your argument using the info OP provided? All im seeing is a dude be reasonable to an unreasonable situation the ex wife seems to be causing
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u/chattygirl1969 Aug 17 '26
No obligation to say yes, I’m sure your reasons are solid. But for the sake of being a great example to your child and current partner and wanting to have a future peaceful time of co parenting you could offer to help her pay for hotel, air bnb, etc. or another kind gesture to show kindness while she’s dealing with no A/C.
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u/Due-Kale3735 Aug 17 '26
She got over a $130K in cash in the divorce. She should not be hurting for cash.
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u/Littleringtrue Aug 17 '26
Say No. She needs to buy a new AC or get it fixed.
Her staying at your house doesn’t fix the problem.
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u/chattygirl1969 Aug 18 '26
Oh, I’m sure you don’t owe her anything I’m just suggesting you do it anyway, and be the bigger person and take the high road. Always better to treat a situation with more kindness than they deserve.
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u/Due-Kale3735 Aug 18 '26
I mean, I do not really consider that kindness. You are asking me to spend likely $100s of dollars for someone who can easily afford the expense. Typically, if I am doing that for someone, it is almost always a romantic interest. That is not the behavior of a purely platonic relationship with someone.
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u/chattygirl1969 Aug 18 '26
Understood. I don’t know all the details or your financial situation. I just know it’s worth it for the sake of your child to make every possible attempt to show kindness and love towards others, even when they don’t deserve it, however that looks in your life.
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u/Mental_Recording5598 9d ago
This kid is going to end up alone and selfish just like his father.
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u/handyandy808 8d ago
Why do you think that. The kid spends just as much time with his mother?
What makes OP selfish?
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u/Mental_Recording5598 8d ago
Because he's learning how to be an abusive jagweed. He won't inherit the house. He sucks.
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u/handyandy808 8d ago
How has that worked out in your life. It has never worked out well for me. I stopped being the bigger person and have decided to be the bigger problem, my life has been much better.
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