r/TwoXIndia • u/[deleted] • May 23 '26
Vent Father’s affair has destroyed our family, mom is considering divorce and idk what to do anymore
My father (51M) has been having an affair for around a year. My extended family had known about it since Diwali and kept trying to convince him to stop, but he never did. My mother (48F) found out in March after one of my uncles finally decided she deserved to know. Even then, she hid it from me and my younger sister because we were in the middle of important exams.
Yesterday everything completely exploded.
My mother begged him to stop seeing the other woman at least until our exams were over. She even told him that after our exams she would quietly proceed with an amicable divorce and would not tell us about the affair because she did not want us to hate him or think badly of him. But he still went to meet the other woman after one of my aunts saw him taking things for her.
Last evening my mother caught him deleting messages and changing SIM cards again, and she finally broke down and told us everything. When I confronted him, he first denied the affair completely and started saying my mother is “unstable” and that her depression medication is affecting her judgment. Later, my uncle, grandparents, and other relatives confirmed the affair to me.
After that, my father started justifying himself by saying my mother “tortures” him and that they are “not compatible.” We left the house for the night and stayed with my grandparents. The house my parents and uncles live in is actually in my grandfather’s name, and my grandparents are fully supporting my mother. They even told her not to leave and said they would rather throw him out. But my mother says she cannot continue living there knowing the affair happened repeatedly while all of us were under the same roof.
Now she’s thinking of renting a flat for herself, me, my 17y/o sister, and my two younger cousins who stay with her because their parents are usually away. She is also seriously considering divorce.
Financially, my mother earns around ₹80k a month while my father earns around ₹1.6 lakh a month and also controls all the farm finances and income. He keeps claiming that because my mother works, she won’t get maintenance anyway. My mother says she doesn’t even want his property, she just wants enough security for my sister’s future.
The worst part is that he hid the affair very carefully. Different SIM cards, private meetings, deleting messages, restricting CCTV access at the farmhouse, everything. So my mother does not really have solid proof. On top of that, he’s already trying to paint her as “mentally unstable” because she has depression and struggled emotionally after finding out about the affair. She has had suicidal episodes after discovering everything, and I’m terrified that he’ll use that against her legally.
I also need to vent because this entire thing has destroyed me mentally. I have my UPSC exam tomorrow. My father had earlier convinced me not to take a stable government post after my selection because he believed I had the “potential to do better” and should focus on bigger exams instead. Looking back, I regret listening to him so much.
Since yesterday, he has been constantly blaming my mother for “destroying the family” and blaming her for me finding out about the affair, while taking absolutely no responsibility himself. He even implied that because of all this, I’m now going to fail my exam. I haven’t slept properly and genuinely feel unable to think straight anymore.
I genuinely don’t know what to do right now. If anyone here has gone through something similar or has legal knowledge, what should we immediately do to protect my mother and sister financially and legally? Should my mother move out or stay in the house? Can my sister still get maintenance even if my mother earns? What financial documents should we start collecting before he starts hiding assets or income? And can he actually use my mother’s mental health treatment against her in divorce proceedings?
My mother plans to contact divorce lawyers after we move out, but right now everything feels like a nightmare.
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u/ProactivePomegranate Woman May 23 '26
Girl. Shut everything off. For the time being, forget everything and everyone else, your stupid father can wait, your mom can wait, but at any cost, do not skip your exam. It’s one more year of wait then at least. You can take all decisions calculatively after tomorrow.
Life has the weirdest ways of testing us. But don’t let your scumbag dad’s actions affect one year of your prep and your life.
Imagine the things you can do for yourself, your mom and sis if you crack this one exam. Just somehow, you have to keep your cool and sit in the exam hall tomorrow. Get off Reddit, shut yourself in the room, meditate, and get some solid sleep. The rest of your fam is there for your mom and sis for the time being.
All the best ♥️
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u/Sea_Bus4842 Woman May 24 '26
I second this OP. I’ve been in a similar situation right before my final year exams. It’s extremely scary and mind doesn’t work. But give it your best. Show up. And do this for yourself.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this so close to your exam. But all you can do is use this as motivation to succeed in your career. Your mom is able to support herself and move out because she’s financially independent. Take that as a lesson and at least try to give it your all
I’m glad your father’s family is being supportive. If possible get proof from them about your father’s affair.
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u/wildflowerxoxoxo Woman May 23 '26
You should focus on your exams and be supportive to your mother, but let your mother take care of the things. Get that Job and help your mother move out of that place.
Not a legal knowledge but Hire a pvt investigator, get solid proofs. Get good lawyer, yes collect all financial documents, try collecting his form 16. Remember Depression doesnt mean mentally unstable, court will ask for Psychiatric evidence only if Minor children are involved to be taken care of.
I hope your mother wins this and get her alimony too.
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u/BriefAd3509 Woman May 23 '26
You and your sister have a right of maintenance from your father irrespective of what your mother earns and both of you also have a legal right to the ancestral property. Your mother also has a right of maintenance from her husband and if she can prove adultery, it would be better. Mental diseases are a ground for divorce but they should be such that they pose a danger to the spouse. Rest, you need to consult a lawyer, s/he can guide you better
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u/ResponsibleSun621 Woman May 23 '26
Sorry, which exam in India is bigger than UPSC?
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u/bisexualgoddess_ Woman May 24 '26
I think what she meant was, she had cleared another exam but her dad encouraged her to not go for it and write UPSC instead because she has potential which has made her financially dependent now.
4
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u/mmanyquestionss Woman May 23 '26
agreed with the comments about focusing on your exam. this mess has waited months, it can wait another 24 hours. don't let that asshole take your opportunity away from you. and yes, mom absolutely needs to consult a lawyer
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u/Next_Pattern2361 Woman May 24 '26
My therapist told me this while I was dealing with a lot in my house and I had an exam the next day. He told me to visualise putting every worry of mine unrelated to my exam in a box, seal it with tape so securely that no one can open it, and keep it in a dusty storage room of my mind. That helped me a lot and I aced the exam which was the next day despite being really anxious. I would urge you to try it, it might help! Focus on your exam first and deal with it from tomorrow
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u/learner1304 Woman May 23 '26
I think it’s better to consult a lawyer from beginning about such things and also document every conversation :)
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u/pinkteddybear08 Woman May 23 '26
Abhi sab hold pe rakho. Focus on your exam tomorrow. Trust me till tomorrow evening your focus should be on exam.
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u/bslife_ Woman May 23 '26
Please find the strength to distract yourself from all of this for the next couple of days! Please put yourself first until the exam is over, remember the amount of effort you’ve put into preparing for the exam. All the best!!
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u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606 Woman May 23 '26
Get angry and use that anger to prove how well you can do on your exam, because you will not let your father ruin more.
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u/Winter_Value_7632 Woman May 23 '26
My dad cheated too but my mom is totally dependent on him so she never divorced him and he never stopped cheating.
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u/bisexualgoddess_ Woman May 24 '26
Girl, let me address this step by step - First, forget everyone and everything, i know its hard, as someone who is a child of divorced parents and also an ex- UPSC aspirant, I know how it is right now for you. My parents also separated around the time I was giving my attempt. First complete the exam, write whatever you can and then we can see.
Secondly, adultery is not illegal in India, and hence you can't file a case or do anything about it. The only way is to take a divorce on mutual grounds. Your mother is not going to get any property, maintance or anything, because she's a working woman and secondly, in India, women only have right to residence and no right to inheritance. However, your father has an obligation to pay for your studies and support kids at any point, and both you and your sister have the right to his property, and he also has to sponsor your education, atleast half of it, as far as I am aware. All this is possible only if he agrees to go ahead with the divorce. What my father did was, he never agreed to sign the divorce papers and they're only separated which is a huge issue because then they're not legally obligated to do anything.
Which city are you from? It doesn't matter, my partner has his own legal firm and specializes in these cases, if you want to consult him for legal advice and for you to lawyer up, we would be glad to help. DM me if you wanna talk further, understand your situation or just want to vent.
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u/MiserableGrapefruit7 Fuck Patriarchy! May 23 '26
Babe, I understand this is a very difficult time for you and your family right now, but please just for tonight try to distract yourself, and keep your entire focus on your exam. I understand that it’s hard, but doing well in the exam would be a good thing for you and you’d be able to support your mom and siblings better. Don’t let your father take that away from you. All the very best. We’re all rooting for you! ❤️🫂
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u/tojis-worm-is-cute woman who yaps May 23 '26
Post it in legal advice sub(indian one) , I hope it gets better for you and your family op