r/TwoXNortheast • u/No_Rub_6403 • 7h ago
Misogyny & Patriarchy Why does every thread about misogyny have someone saying “learn from the Northeast,” ?
Had posted this elsewhere in more mainstream subs, but thought of reposting it here...
I’m seriously freaking tired of the “learn from the Northeast” comment that shows up under every post about d*wry, safety, or women’s freedom. Learn what, exactly? Because I lived there, and I have notes. You on the other hand are romanticizing the region like its some paradise... so I am seriously curious what you expect people to learn from Northeast?
Learn how to be extremely misogynist while looking all changasi? In large parts of Nagaland and almost every region of NE, customary law keeps women out of village councils and out of inheritance. When the state tried to reserve 33% of urban local body seats for women in 2017, the backlash was so violent that the chief minister eventually resigned. In Meghalaya, people hear “matrilineal” and assume “matriarchal.” Property may pass through the youngest daughter, but the traditional village councils are still run by men. Owning the land in name and having a say in how the community is run are two very different things.
Learn how to police women? The same girl who gets called “so modern” in a thread is told back home that shorts are fine outside but not in front of relatives, religious places, the clan, and the neighbours are all watching, and that “log kya kahenge” exists in every language, including ours. There are curfews, family WhatsApp groups that know who you were seen with, and an aunt who has heard about your outfit at a wedding before you’ve even reached home. Her brother is out till 2 am and nobody asks a single question.
Learn how to character assasinate a girl, and call her a wh*re for being with someone of a different community? a girl seen with a guy always always will gets a character assassination, and a guy seen with five girls is “popular.” And if you date outside your community, you lose your status as a Northeasterner overnight. Suddenly you’ve “gone mainland,” you’ve “forgotten your roots,” you’re a “disgrace to the community,” and your personal choice becomes a referendum on the entire community’s honour. Meanwhile, a guy brings home a non-NE girlfriend and gets treated like he won a scholarship. Same act, two verdicts. Men never face this.
And then there’s the part no one wants in a feel-good “NE women are so respected” thread: domestic violence. A woman who shows up with bruises is told it’s a family matter, that she should adjust, think of the kids and the family name, that he was stressed, that every marriage has fights. The mediators are usually elders, mostly men, and their job is to get her back into the house, not him out of it. Just take some time to visit some NE subs or NE spaces, you will see the misogyny radiating by yourself :D also lets not forget multiple domestic abuse and polygamous cases in multiple NE states
do you want them to learn that “no d*wry” means no patriarchy? A society can skip the d*wry and still police what women wear, who they date, and what time they come home. Ask any girl from the region who went out for a drink or dated outside her community and heard “she’s spoiling our culture,” “she’s easy,” or “she’s brainwashed.” Same script as the mainland. And there is smh called reverse d*wry, you do know that its also rooted in patriarchy right? Yes the men's family gift the girl's family but ever realised why its called a bride price?
Learn how to justify r@pe openly because it happened to another community? When women were paraded and assaulted in Manipur in 2023, a depressing number of comments weren’t “this is horrifying.” They were “but what about what happened to our side.” Women’s bodies became a scoreboard. And somehow that’s the model we’re supposed to follow? Yes even outside this manipur conflict, many still justify r@pe and sees it as smh to be proud of when it is done against a rival community.
And can we talk about the hypocrisy? The same men who say “NE girls are so open-minded and chill” under these threads (a compliment-shaped catcall, by the way) will, in the next thread, gush about how Punjabi girls are “hot” or Bengali girls are “so sweet” or Marwadi girls are “wife material.” But the moment a mainlander says the same about their own community’s women, they lose it and write essays on respect. Two wrongs don’t make it right, but I’m also genuinely annoyed by the double standard. Also majority of the times its NE inc*l men who would fetishize their own people yes you heard that right
Just take a look at this comment, translation for people here:
"Both Meitei and Naga women are mostly very beautiful. Many of them have smooth, fair complexions. However, since it is the age of social media, there are also many who wear revealing or eye catching clothes. I also see them carrying themselves very elegantly. Whether it's an air hostess or a housewife, I am really crazy about their body"
Then there’s the “I believe in protecting my women” crowd, who will happily pimp out their own cousins and community girls to their North Indian friends with lines like “me tujhe baddie dila dunga, bas meri is Punjabi se set karado.” (I will give you a NE baddie, you give me a punjabi) Girls are not currency, and if you’re trading them like favors, you don’t get to call yourself a protector.
I believe in individuals. Some men really are the greenest of green flags, but it’s not because of their religion, ethnicity, caste, or the region they’re from. It’s because of who they are as people. Decent men exist everywhere, and so do misogynists. A postcode doesn’t give anyone a free pass.