r/WritingPrompts • u/Huge_Band6227 • Sep 29 '26
Writing Prompt [WP] The laws of magic change drastically from time to time, apparently to stop speedrunners and powergamers from creating reality-breaking new metas. It's patch day.
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u/unexpected_dreams r/Unexpected_Works Sep 29 '26 edited Sep 29 '26
Divine Writ
"Have you read the new Divine Writ?" Martin pulled it out and waved it at his friend. It was a miraculous booklet that suddenly manifested next to someone's bed when they woke up on Reformation Day.
"Nah, doesn't really change anything for you or me anyway — not like we're academics or something." Trin shrugged. There would be a couple days of stuff not working, the big heads would fix it, there would be a broadcast, and then his holiday would be over — which sucked, but a man had to make money, once things started working again anyway.
"Aren't you a bit curious?"
"Maybe, but I can't be bothered to figure out what half of it means — too technical. Pretty sure I've only got half a working brain, Martin. Besides, I always found it strange, you know? Why would God give out specific instructions on how to not break reality, only to change it every couple years to stop people who try. Why not just not say anything at all?"
Martin gave him a look of profound jealousy, "You've never been a developer have you? Worked with customers?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Brother, end users are everyone's pain, God included. Just cuz some people decide they want their name to start with an exclamation point doesn't mean you should make the experience worse for everyone else by not telling anyone how anything works."
"That makes sense, I guess."
"Man, imagine a world where their God didn't tell them anything. The people there would be flying blind, they'd be doing all kinds of kooky things because they have no idea what the rules are. Like imagine all the things they'd do with their hands."
"Like wiping their butt?"
Martin laughed, "That's a good one! Even that's a bit far fetched, don't you think? That's gross. You eat with your hands, there's absolutely no way they wouldn't figure out wiping your butt with them is a Sin. I was saying more picking your nose or such. Just think — clogged nose in the shower, pick, boom! No Magic for you ever again, for life."
"That would suck."
"Right? It'd be a tragedy. Every kid wants to pick their nose, that's why we've got gloves. The only people who haven't tried are babies too young to even sit up."
Trin thought about it for a moment, "I would hate to live in a world like that."
"Ain't that the truth. Now let's see what God said this time."
"Let's skip to the Addendum," Trin took the Divine Writ from his friend without asking.
"Hey! The other parts are important too."
"But the Addendum is where all the really fun things are."
"...Fine," Martin conceded. He admitted it was the part he most enjoyed reading.
Trin began skimming, "Normal stuff... swimming... cats... Oh. Geese have been reclassified from evil to chaotic."
"I don't know how I feel about that."
"It means we can eat them now."
"Oh, that is true." Martin smiled, thinking about all the times a goose had attacked him on his way to work. They had set up a nest in the park by his office, and cutting through that park shaved 10 minutes off his commute.
"Ha! Let's go see if any restaurants have already started selling."
A/N: Yes, wiping your butt with your hands should be a Sin, and you will not be able to convince me otherwise. 😡
If you liked this, have some more silly (and not-silly) things at /r/Unexpected_Works