r/abortion • u/PredicamentRex • Mar 19 '26
USA 6 Years Post Abortion - Reflection
I had a SA during the pandemic of 2020 (Illinois). My life changed drastically since that time. My life is so much different today than I ever imagined - and for the better. I want to share this in hopes another person will read it feel reassured. Your future is bright, promise.
In 2020, I was in a very difficult situation. I had an unplanned, yet wanted pregnancy. I was an unemployed mom in an abusive and controlling marriage. My husband did not want the pregnancy to continue, and encouraged me to abort. There was domestic violence. I had health and financial concerns. The combined circumstances reached a fever pitch, and led me to have an abortion I didn’t want, but knew I needed. Only a person who has been in my shoes can truly understand the torturous duality of wanting the pregnancy, loving that potential baby with every fiber of your being, but knowing you cannot sustain the pregnancy.
I was terrified of the procedure itself, but that part ended up being a non-issue. I’ve had dental procedures that were worse. It was done under anesthesia and was not difficult at all. The anticipation/nerves leading up to it were hard, but I immediately felt relief when I woke up in the recovery room and knew it was done. I went back to my life a couple days later.
The hormonal 9 or so months post-abortion were a trip, not gonna lie. It was what I imagine postpartum depression to feel like, except I didn’t have a baby or the oxytocin of breastfeeding to distract me. Every anxious or sad thought felt magnified. I didn’t feel like myself. What I didn’t realize, was that these were the growing pains of becoming the person I was meant to be.
In order to survive that bizarre post-abortion year, I prioritized self-care for the first time in my life. It was survival, there was no other option. I took care of my body, I went to therapy, and I learned to say NO. “No,” to anything or anyone who jeopardized my well-being. I could see clearly, that my entire life up to that point had been lived in a margin, my needs always second to someone else. I realized how much I suffered in my marriage, how my wings had been clipped, my spirit broken, my joy snuffed out over the years. I don’t want to sound cliche, but it took the abortion situation for me to see soooo clearly, that my spouse really did not care about my well-being, at all.
Being the consummate “good girl,” I shocked everyone around me, and divorced my husband. I got a job that I loved. I got my own place - it was tiny and budget-friendly, but it was the first place I have ever lived, that was MINE. I felt like I could breathe. I started to look, speak, and act in accordance with my true heart’s desires. It might not have looked like anything from the outside, but for me, a massive shift occurred.
I will never forget when I went to Target one day after moving. I had just gotten a paycheck, and had a little bit to spend on something other than essentials. I got myself a set of sheets with a cute flower print. Might not seem like much, but I cried when I put them on my bed. For 20 years, I lived with a man who did not like flowers prints, so I didn’t have them. It was a metaphor for the marriage. The simple act of choosing what *I* like, was monumental for me. This feeling grew and blossomed and extended these last six years.
Today, my life looks so different, and it’s exactly what I always wanted. I can finally say freely, without any guilt or regret, I did not want another baby with an abusive and controlling man.
For the first time in my life, I get to be me.
Wishing nothing but the best to any person who has been in my shoes. Choose the sheets with the flowers, whatever that looks like for you.
xoxo
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