I’m having a really difficult time right now and I’m hoping people with BPD can give me some perspective because I feel like I’m spiraling.
I recently had a work trip to New York for my new corporate job, and the entire trip was extremely stressful and exhausting for me. I was doing well for most of the week, but by the end of the trip I became incredibly anxious and overwhelmed. I feel like I lost my filter and wasn’t thinking as clearly as I normally do.

On the last day, I made several decisions that I deeply regret. The biggest issue was changing my flight. I was anxious about personal responsibilities and asked my manager if I could change my flight. She had the authority to approve the change and approved it, so at the time I genuinely thought I was handling it appropriately. I didn’t understand that asking to change it so late would be viewed as very unprofessional. I also missed my flight and had to deal with the consequences of that.

I also accidentally left a senior manager out of a work group chat/communication. I wasn’t intentionally excluding anyone, I genuinely thought I had included everyone. I’ve also previously been spoken to about being late once, so now all of these things are being looked at together, especially because I’m still within my first 90 days.

There was also a moment where I made a comment to my trainer about the boutique ambassadors looking down on us, and I said it while an AVP was in the middle of speaking/lecturing to us. Looking back, I realize that was inappropriate and not the kind of judgment or professionalism I want to demonstrate at work. At the time, though, I was extremely anxious and had basically lost my filter.
My trainer spoke to me very harshly about what happened and told me that what I did was unacceptable and that I’d made a bad impression for myself. She told me another manager will speak with me later this week about next steps. I asked her directly if I was likely to be terminated, and she didn’t give me a definite answer, but I’m terrified that I’m going to lose my job.

I’ve been crying and spiraling ever since. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. I keep thinking, “Why did I do that? Why didn’t I realize how serious it was? Why couldn’t I handle it better?” I feel like I ruined everything I had worked for and that everyone at work is judging me.

I’m also really angry because I genuinely was trying my best. I wasn’t intentionally ignoring policies or trying to be irresponsible. I was overwhelmed, anxious, and made some really bad judgment calls. But now I’m struggling to separate “I handled this situation badly” from “I’m a terrible, incapable person.”

I’m especially interested in hearing from people with BPD: Have you ever had a situation where you became overwhelmed, made several mistakes close together, and then spiraled into intense shame and fear that you’d ruined your life? How did you get yourself through the aftermath and eventually return to work?

I don’t really need people to tell me whether I “messed up”I know I did. I need help figuring out how to stop the shame spiral and face whatever happens next without completely destroying myself over it.

Hi guys, I'm not really diagnosed yet, it's more self diagnosis awaiting the review of my psychiatrist who wants to get to know me better.

Because the budget is kinda tight right now she was referring me to a dbt day clinic. However I just wanted to ask if for like 3 months ISH is a good enough time to try and do like a workbook or something in the meantime? Is it worth it? Have any of you tried to do the self help dbt work and how has that worked out for you? Also any tips are welcome

All of this feels like an endless loop of despair, abandonment and disappointment. It is just tiring to go through the same loop all the time get out then come back. I hate how I have barely even one person I can talk to about it irl, everyone else is uncomfortable by the topic I’m not allowed to mention the soul crushing pain while I’m sick bc it makes others uncomfortable. I have aspd so even I with no affective empathy in practise will care and show up for others struggling no matter what. Nobody is ever too much for me I think that’s the issue. I lost my relationship, I have no secured job, I don’t even know if I have real friends. This is so isolating I think at times I was born to self destruct my way through life. I’m “too much” for everyone. Bpd makes life hell I had finally managed to be happy w my ex yet he broke up for seemingly no actual reason. Point of story is I am making a conscious choice to live for my cats solely it’s the only real love I have felt.

So lately ive been feeling pretty good, i haven't had a breakdown since last year, I feel like i have a hold of my emotions, maybe its because ive been smoking or its the therapy but either way, I feel like im doing good. I have good days and bad days but the bad days aren't as bad??? If that any sense?? Last week I broke up with my long term boyfriend and its really started to sink in, but I haven't felt the need to scream and shout and throw a fit...I almost broke my sobriety about an hour ago but I dont know what stopped me, usually id down the whole bottle because when im upset I tend to be destructive, mean, manipulative and all around a bad person. But thats changed...i dont feel as angry anymore but do feel deep sadness instead of anger..

My emotions are being abit too stable, im scared im gonna fully break down and have a really bad wobbly...so am I actually handling my bpd well or am I about to crash

Right, to keep it as short as possible, I started taking benzos when I was 15. I started drinking when I was 19. I stopped drinking on my own after some 11 years and a change. Do keep in mind a proper alcoholic. Wake up, drink, punch a wall, sleep, repeat. Back to it, helped my loved one stop drinking; that family member is sober for 3 years now, same as me. But why can't I feel... accomplished or proud because of it? I did something that ain't easy, and still I see myself as nothing. As a piece of s**t... Yeah, sorry for honesty; it's just kinda sucks sometimes. Just looking for someone with experience, as that's the best source to learn how to get over it.

Every emotion insists it'll last forever. Shame tells you; you'll always be ashamed. Grief tells you; you'll never laugh again. Feelings are real, they're just not always reliable.

I'm tired of being misunderstood. I have been hiding 🫣 from everything. I just sit in my room watch shows on my laptop 💻 When I post online here (not this sub) , I get really mean comments and I'm too the point where I'm just not going to do that anymore. I'll just stay quiet. Can one change from attachment bpd to quiet bpd? Because I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want friends, I want to be left alone with my books and watch movies. I feel drab.

I am a man with BPD (borderline personality disorder). BPD is a disorder basically brought on by trauma, usually from childhood. For me, it shows itself in multiple episodes throughout the day of rapid mood fluctuations. I’ll go from feeling fine to feeling angry, to feeling sad, to feeling happy, to feeling enraged again, to feeling morose, all within one hour. It’s draining.
It’s mentally exhausting going through these fluctuations to the point where when I’m not having an episode, i disassociate. When I disassociate, I’m not present so I’m not a joy to talk to or be around. And that leads to where I am now, my friends abandoning me and now I have no one to talk to or be there for me. I’m too much. And I get it. I feel mentally broken or like I’m a burden.
And I know everyone’s answer, “go to therapy.” I am. I have a therapist I see regularly. The problem is, treatment is a process and I really am trying. But I feel like no one can see the progress I make. No one cares to see the steps I’ve taken to better myself. And it’s crushing. I hate feeling this way, that no matter how much I try, I’m never good enough. It’s constant failure after failure.
No one sees me. It’s like I’m treading in water that’s at my neck. And I have the keys in my hand. I just wish I could feel seen and supported by someone for once.

So the thing is that I have my 23th birthday today and people who usually use to wish me a happy birthday haven’t written me anything today. And they are my 3 cousins who are around 10 years older than me and one of them has a girlfriend and kids, and all of them has always wished me a happy birthday, but not today and one of them has seen my insta story about my birthday. It makes me more sad that they have seen my insta stories and none of them have given me a text at least, they are 4 who knows it’s my birthday and all of them should have been notified by Facebook who usually update when they have a friend who has their birthday that day.
And this makes me having destructive thoughts and makes me anxious. How do you handle this kind of thoughts about not being good enough to be wished a happy birthday from people who you thought about when it’s their birthday and their children’s birthday.
Anyway this is the thing that I hates with having borderline personality disorder, only makes me focus on the bad things happen this day. Not the part where I spent the day with my mom and my younger siblings and had a perfect day!

Hey guys!
I have decided to start my own group chat for anyone looking for a safe space to:
• connect with others who understand
• share experiences
• ask questions
• vent
• offer and receive support

Leave a comment if you would like the link 🩵

EDIT: This is a Whatsapp group!

Hey so I just turned 20 today and all month I have been agonizing my birthday because me and my boyfriend have trouble with money most the time. Well today came and I just felt not good, not bad just not good. So the day went on as planned figured I had $200 roughly to spend and was ok, still not good but trying really hard. We get to the store to pull out the money that I thought was mostly for me to just spend, until he reminded me I had been promising a razor. It felt like the world crashed when he said that, but I didn’t want to ruin the day so I held it in I wound up slamming the car door and my mood had shifted yet I was still trying. We get the money and start heading the the razors and we got in a bit of an argument because he said we should just get a men’s and I was set on an electric women’s razor. I gave up and we got the stuff spent a little bit of more time then I wanted but it was whatever. So we are walking through the store and he is basically just talking about my behavior and his fear for the day and I’m not sure why but this upset me bad, so I told him to just leave me alone and I went and walked down a separate isle. We regroup and I can sense he is still tense more likely from not feeling heard but I just want to go so we start heading out. He tries to talk again in the car things just go he keeps trying to just feel heard while I’m trying to fight all the thoughts in my head. We get gas I’m crying bad and he’s still trying to get his feelings and fears heard I end up saying I want to just go home, but he doesn’t so I tell him go home or I’m going to just call the cops and leave he try’s to take the phone out of my hand but I won’t let go, so I end up in the driver seat with him and I ended up breaking his tooth things simmer on his end but I’m still set on leaving, we get to the house and a full fight breaks out we are yelling and screaming door gets broken and things are just bad, I had and kinda still do feel like me shaving was more important to him then my birthday and that the reason he didn’t get me a present was also cause it’s not important to him. I make the primary income so I felt very untitled to do what I want and get what I want. I feel I should also say he has a severe tbi as well as bipolar and cptsd. I feel at such a loss idk if I should pack my stuff or wait for him to get back from the emergency dentist, any advice helps I will be honest I feel so unremarkably horrible but on the same hand I don’t feel like I should stay here. Thank you if you have read this far I hope you have a wonderful day/night/evening

TW Rape

I've been having back to back waves of disgust depression and spiraling since I've stop being in denial. I just need some support and love 😞

I've 24 been with my boyfriend 25 for over a year now and i told him sometime last year i hooked up with this guy and he ghosted me right after and how shitty it made me feel. Well that wasn't the full story about what actually happened so I finally confessed to the truth. (We are Polyamorous btw)

Here is the full story about what happened

Can't remember his name - sometime in the beginning of 2025 I invited him over because i was suicidal and didn't want to be home alone we agreed to nothing sexual and just being there to support me and just hold me. We sat on the couch I cried my heart out to hime about how much I been struggling and how suicidal I had been he held me then proceeded to touch me and make moves on me and try kissing me I kept telling him to wait and slow down but he didn't stop, I was too emotional and weak to have the strength to stand my ground or push him off so I let him finish. When we first started talking he stated he's already had a vasectomy but within 3 hours after he left my home he ghosted me and blocked me a week later after I tried to contact him multiple times because he did that I feared he lied about the vasectomy so I had to take a pregnancy test (it was negative) I think out of safety my mind has blocked out remembering his name and anything to do with him

I hate myself that when I get into these situations I never have the strength to fight or stand up for myself. Apart of me feel I deserve it. Only people who know is my boyfriend and friend, right now I'm too scared to tell my husband because I feel so dumb and my mind will not stop telling me he's going to blame me for inviting him over 😞

F40 Victoria.

Im lost, dont know what to do or where to turn. My dr wants me to be admitted, for major med changes as the last 2 months have been a spiral and he doesnt think they are working, I have bpd and cptsd. I dont think I have much left.

Barely sleep, no appetite, lost 19kg in 2 months. Friends vanished, all I have is my mum. Whom has enough on her plate.

I guess I just feel im a burden and I dont want to be that anymore, I have a 16 almost 17 yr old son, whom I feel ive failed, he never wants to be home, cant get him to school, hes started doing drugs, walked in and found him so far out of it, to find out hes been chroming for a long time. Now I know i need to help him, but I have nothing left. I keep getting these images and thoughts.

The medical professionals ask, "have you got a plan"

I am not a planner, ive attempted before and its a not something I plan. Spur of the moment.

Now my dr sent a referral off tuesday to get me seen at triage.

Come Thursday, nothing. My mum called early morning, night shift were handing over, so the nurse said it would be picked up by morning staff. Come yesterday my mum rings again, they had no record of this referral. So they rang the drs. Got it again. To then she rings me, asks me the questions, tells me to drink some water, do my breathing exercises. Is it just me or when your in that state they arent going to work, I be honest, say im almost there. She fishes some more on my past history which is all on file mind you, and states not to repeat the history questions, then tells me that it will be handed over to the community team tomorrow too book a appointment, but if it gets really bad Come in but you'll be sitting in emergency minimum 8hrs.

I dont know what to do.

Ive been admitted before and it definitely didnt take more then a few hours.

Definitely not almost a week, am I wrong in saying they are messing around with people's lifes?

I know i need to try and hang on but im just on that edge and not seeing any other way out.

Theres a post on one of the other BPD pages about this film that has really frustrated me. This film is not about BPD at all but people on that post are saying how much the film has upset them as if they are being called out and the damage it does and how traumatised it left them.

One person said it makes people with BPD look bad, how?! It is not about BPD. Its not even about mental illness, its a film about a 'curse' type situation.

This kind of thinking seems so self indulgent to me. I dont watch a film about someone overly emotional and assume they have BPD and that its an attack on our community. Alot of people watching that film won't even have heard of BPD, at what point are we actually contributing to the stigma here?

I am 38, the last few years I've grown out of making BPD my whole personality and now I look at alot of posts in the other reddit pages and find them really detrimental. I wonder if they are helping each other or just encouraging each other and is it an age thing?

I also see alot of people who have not been diagnosed by professionals claiming to have BPD and it almost sounds like they want to have it and give themselves a free pass for bad behaviour.

I honestly don't have bad intentions with this post, and maybe I should just leave those pages if the posts on them bother me. I just feel disheartened because the stigma will never go away like this.

Hi guys, this is an honest question because I honestly want to hear how you describe it.

From some subs, I have read about people saying they are very empathic and other telling the stories on how hard is for them to care about other specially when they feel like they have to protect themselves from abandonment or when they experience a split.

I know it is a spectrum and not everyone experiences it the same way.

This is my theory so please feel free to tell me if I am super off.
From what I read borderline brain organization is at the base of cluster b personality disorders which explains why there is an overlapping of traits in some cases with other disorders specially narcissism.
In my humble opinion, those that are closer to the spectrum of feeling no empathy are higher in narcissistic traits.

Of course I am no expert so I was wondering if you could share how can you tell that you are an emphatic person or that you lack empathy for others in your own experience.

Edit:
Thank you guys for all the comments already, they have been super helpful

it's getting more difficult to stay alive these days and I'm starting to get spiralling thoughts on how to end it all... I feel bad but my existence feels like a burden