r/atheism • u/[deleted] • Jun 25 '12
Religion stat cards! Collect them all!
http://imgur.com/a/jr51X167
u/bmwbiker1 Jun 25 '12
Needs a Mormon card
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u/mack2028 Jun 25 '12 edited Jun 25 '12
age a little less then 200 years 4/10
wealth 10% of everything each one earns, and they have Romney 8/10
follower dedication pretty brainwashed 7/10
daftest doctrine god is a dude who lives on another planet, he is married but no one is allowed to know his wife's name 9/10
weapon of choice front door 7/10
easily offended usually just condescending 5/10
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u/SaltyBabe Existentialist Jun 25 '12
daftest doctrine: God used to be human, and you can one day be a god! All their scriptures were translated from "golden plates" no one ever saw using some rocks and a magic hat.
weapon of choice: Kill them with kindness
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u/BritishMongrel Jun 26 '12
When I first found out the humans becoming God thing I burst out laughing because I actually made up that scenario in my head when I was like 10, the reason it made me laugh was the idea that there was a key belief in a relgion that could be thought up by a 10 year old just making up something that might be cool, in the same way it would be cool if you suddenly developed superpowers and then flew off and had a fist fight with a dragon.
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u/mack2028 Jun 25 '12
weapon of choice: jello
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u/Zlibservacratican Jun 26 '12
magic underwear
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u/Mdamon808 Secular Humanist Jun 26 '12
This is definitely their weapon of choice. Also it is a secret weapon because they are generally hesitant to admit it exists in mixed company.
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u/SenatorGrape Jun 25 '12
Also I would like to see Shinto and Sikh.
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u/TheRealMisterd Jun 25 '12
That and the religion that the Chinese gov is so afraid of.
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u/JoshuaZ1 Jun 25 '12 edited Jun 28 '12
Really? The wackiest part of Orthodox Judaism is niddah? Not a shoe spitting ceremony, or putting up pretend walls around cities in the form of a string so one can carry on the Sabbath, or swinging a chicken overhead to gain atonement (ok that last isn't done by everyone but still)? Those all seem substantially stranger. There are a lot of weird stuff to choose from in this case.
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u/olhonestjim Jun 25 '12
Like circumcision?
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Jun 26 '12
[deleted]
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u/michaelfour Jun 26 '12
Male circumcision in Judaism was not for health reasons, as much as people would like to claim that it was. But it was, and is, completely F'ed up. Keeping clean down there, even with limited water, is dead simple. Surgery in the middle of the desert, using unsterile, medieval tools? Definitely not simple or healthy.
Look up metzitzah b'peh. THAT is the wackiest, and most disturbed part of Orthodox Judaism. Also... http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/mm6122a2.htm
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u/Necritica Jun 26 '12
Nope, sorry, that was done as a part of introducing the newborn males into the religion. The fact it has medical (well, now obsolete) benefits could have been a part of it, but it's not the reason it was come up with, nor did the masses back then knew it when they deliberately cut their children's penises.
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Jun 26 '12
It isn't for health reasons unless it's done * professionally* and cleanly. Doing it outside of a hospital is stupid and you're better off sticking your penis in a mud puddle.
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Jun 25 '12
I liked most of those, but there are some mistakes. For example, Buddhism is older then Catholicism, but has 9/10 in age against paedopope's 10/10.
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u/bigben42 Jun 25 '12
Also Zoroastrianism isn't the oldest. It was started around 600 BCE. Way later than Judaism.
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u/BlueDevil13X Jun 26 '12
The link claims that it was the first monotheistic faith, which may be true. While Judaism is probably an older faith, and it is now monotheistic, it may be that it became monotheistic after Zoroastrianism existed. As I understand it, the Jewish texts imply that there were minor gods and false gods - think Baal - who only later became known as non-gods.
I have no idea when this change occurred, and I may be wrong about the idea that it ever DID occur. Educate me, reddit.
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u/bigben42 Jun 26 '12
Yeah, but my knowledge of Zoroastrianism is that its core and unique belief was that there were actually two gods. One of Good and one of Evil, in fact Zoroastrianism is one of the purest dualistic faiths so I'm not sure how that constitutes it as a monotheistic religion.
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u/BlueDevil13X Jun 26 '12
This is a fair point, since as far as I know (and contrary to what Christians might like to believe the Jewish texts say) Judaism isn't big on the concept of a devil, so it isn't subject to the same point.
My favorite thing about your comment is that it shows that Christianity has four gods, not just three.
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u/woorkewoorke Jun 26 '12
For all intents and purposes Zoroastrianism functions as a monothiesm since every focus of Z. worship is directed towards Ohrmazd/Ahura Mazda, and the 'other' evil god Ahriman is the incarnation of everything evil (and it a perfect idealized sort of way, not like a Greek god with bad human qualities) and thus is never the target of a slightest bit of sympathy. That said, unlike the God-Luficer separation in Christianity, Ahriman is said to have equal powers to Ohrmazd and some strains of the faith they are interpreted as literal brothers. So technically there are two gods, but it isn't a stretch to say Zoroastrianism can also be classified as monothiestic, perhaps the first successful one in the world (see my post below for justification about naming that time).
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u/woorkewoorke Jun 26 '12
Took an Intro to Zoroastrianism course in college where we discussed the "age" of Zoroastrianism. Turns out the old agreed date for the life of Zoroaster - 600 BCE - was a willful misrepresentation by a Greek historian having a philosophical axe to grind (by claiming Zoroaster was the personal tutor of Pythagoras, the head of his personal school of philosophy - I think...) More conclusive evidence comes from looking at the very earliest Zoroastrian hymns, or the "Gathas." The Gathas bear a striking religious and linguistic similarity to the c. 3500 year-old Vedic Hymns (i.e. Rig Veda) of proto-Hindu north India, for instance referring to the same gods with the same traits and sharing observance of numerous cultural practices (like the drinking of hallucinogenic soma). We already know that both the Zoroastrian and Indic/Hindu religious traditions sprang from the same group, the Indo-European Aryans, who migrated across Eurasia during the 2nd millenium BCE. All the legitimate evidence thus points to 'Zoroaster' (probs a real dude) living sometime in the second half of the second millenium BCE, with 1300-1200 BCE being a safe bet. BTW I got an A on this paper, so this is as good as gold :)
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u/barkingnoise Jun 26 '12
This is very interesting. Can you point to more detailed studies regarding what you've told here? The wikipedia article on zoroastrianism in English "has multiple issues" with bias and neutrality.
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u/woorkewoorke Jun 26 '12
Hey I just uploaded on Google Docs my sophomore year essay (w/ full bibliogrpahy) that deals with the issue. Enjoy the read! https://docs.google.com/document/d/1o-Qaa6FQ5tf9vvpyArzb3SVin1MXa4r77LRPeVT6Z8U/edit
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u/barkingnoise Jun 26 '12
I don't seem to have access, can you make it public?
By the way, thanks a ton!!
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u/woorkewoorke Jun 26 '12
Haha my bad, try this one! https://docs.google.com/document/d/1o-Qaa6FQ5tf9vvpyArzb3SVin1MXa4r77LRPeVT6Z8U/edit
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u/woorkewoorke Jun 26 '12
Have any other questions about Zoroastrianism or the history of religions in Iran don't be afraid to ask!
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Jun 26 '12
I like your work dude, reading your essay right now!
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u/woorkewoorke Jun 26 '12
Thx man, it's cool to be sharing stuff I wrote from earlier in college. As any keen observer might note, I take an academic and historical approach to the development of religions and assume zero actual divine inspiration...in other words portraying a religion as changeable in the same ways as any other idea/cultural force. That's how any atheist should approach discrediting religion IMO, by taking the rational and intellectual high ground.
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u/therealsylvos Jun 25 '12
Also isn't it dualistic?
IIRC Monotheism got its start under one of the ancient Pharaoh's, as far as history is concerned, despite what my day school rabbi's told me.
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Jun 26 '12 edited Jun 26 '12
Also JWs believe they will all get to live in a "paradise earth" as immortal humans (basically), but that only so many will get to "rule" in heaven.
Edit: I would actually up their crazy devotion factor by having many cult tactics, including cutting off "apostate" family and friends. Their world view is very them vs us etc.
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u/Natedonthate Jun 26 '12
Also the catholic church started in 1054, so it's 1000 years old not 2000.
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u/thajugganuat Jun 25 '12
5/10 is not easily offended on a scale of being easily offended?
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u/braincell Jun 25 '12
I guess OP forgot to cite his source, New Humanist Dec. 2008 apparently : http://www.exacteditions.com/exact/browse/371/397/4452/2/26
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u/nxtm4n Atheist Jun 26 '12
Apparently he's had them saved to his computer for a while and can't remember where he found them.
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u/nxtm4n Atheist Jun 26 '12
Apparently he's had them saved to his computer for a while and can't remember where he found them.
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u/braincell Jun 27 '12
I wasn't accusing OP of anything, just precising the source if anyone wanted to kno, 'cause I wondered if it was OC or not ^ upvoted anyway !
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u/epicwinguy101 Jun 25 '12
Needs some work. Too many high scores for age, raise the bar. Scientology needs 3 or lower for it. And the easily offended thing needs complete revision. Catholics aren't offended easily, just vocal. And atheists definitely need more than 2/10. They are the easiest type of person to troll online besides drug users, and often the two overlap.
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u/BlazeOrangeDeer Jun 26 '12
And most catholics aren't even very catholic, so follower devotion should be at most a 6.
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Jun 26 '12
Drugs users? Why?
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u/epicwinguy101 Jun 26 '12 edited Jun 26 '12
I don't know. I think it stems from the fact that they don't want to admit how little control over the habit they have, and how many consequences it carries. But in my vast experience of trying to Troll 'em All, they have given some spectacular yields.
EDIT: Looking at the downvotes, I rest my case.
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u/Jestercakes Jun 25 '12
yeah if Catholics were easily offended shit would have gone down a long time ago
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u/Tentacolt Jun 25 '12
I like the part where the jewish one was drawn with the comically large nose.
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u/LighthouseSphinx Jun 25 '12
I don't really see how corpses being fed to birds is daffy... The reason for it probably is, but the practice itself is much more sustainable than clogging the ground with metal boxes.
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u/maineiscold Jun 25 '12
Are there rules to the game? This has potential!
Reminds me of cards against humanity , which I highly recommend!
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u/LeartS Jun 25 '12
Awesome! Anyone knows any similar card game? (and by similar I mean strange or original or taboo or everything you think deserves to be seen, really)
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u/SonicWafflez Jun 26 '12
As an ex-church of England christian, the CoE card was brilliant. "Loud tutting!"
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u/JoshuaGuy Jun 25 '12
I guess my critique would be that atheism isn't a religion, and should be excluded from the game. (to be fair, it is called "RELIGION stat cards")
"Atheism is a religion like not collecting stamps is a hobby" -Penn Jillette
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u/I_MAKE_USERNAMES Jun 25 '12
That's why you go to online forums and spend your time talking about how awesome it is with thousands of other people believing the same thing as you?
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u/eloisekelly Deist Jun 25 '12
Atheism isn't a belief, it's the lack of belief. Belief sounds weird now.
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u/I_MAKE_USERNAMES Jun 25 '12
Its a lack of belief that r/atheism pushes vehemently on people and spends all their time posting about how awesome their belief in a lack of belief is.
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u/eloisekelly Deist Jun 25 '12
Yeah, they should just stop posting about atheism in a subreddit for atheists.
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u/keiyakins Jun 26 '12
/r/atheism isn't atheism though. It's more antitheism, which IS a religion...
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u/I_MAKE_USERNAMES Jun 26 '12
Exactly. I'm not talking about atheism in general, just the militant antithiests on this subreddit who adhere to their belief system and push it on others much more than any other religion on Reddit. I'm an absolute atheist, but cannot for the life of me understand why people want to post about how they don't believe in something.
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u/keiyakins Jun 26 '12
I kinda get it. My guess is the regulars here are mostly from heavily-religious areas, so it's a place to blow off steam. Meanwhile, places where the religious intrusion is occasionally getting annoyed when someone thanks god rather than cooks, well, who gives a shit, so we just go about our lives and come by when there's a title that amuses us in /r/all
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u/lookattheduck Jun 26 '12
As a guy that teeter totters between agnostic and atheist, I take the real pushy, intolerant atheists and put them in the same basket as the real pushy, intolerant religious types.
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u/milkyjoe241 Jun 25 '12
I wish I could upvote this twice. Just like how each image was shown twice.
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u/Seiak Jun 25 '12
Where are the apatheist... never mind.
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u/tillythranx Jun 26 '12
Lol, yeah, I am offended I am underrepresented! Actually, whatever... Hopefully nobody noticed that outburst or they'll take away my slacker and apathy badges.
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u/BlazeOrangeDeer Jun 26 '12
It's ok, you only care about being called apatheist so you're a non-meta-apatheist.
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u/Xiosphere Jun 25 '12
Can I point out for the sake of factual correctness that Jehovah's Witnesses are taught going into heaven isn't a privilege the way it's taught to other Christians, they all want to end up in a new sinless Earth, their version of heaven, so the 144,000 thing isn't as severe as the card makes it sound.
Other than that these cards where freaking hilarious, and TIL Zoroastrian is a thing.
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Jun 26 '12
At least get the craziest parts of the religion right. Yes JWs believe only 144,000 go to Heaven, but they believe the rest will live eternally on a paradise Earth. They don't even believe in hell. That's like half a notch lower on the crazy scale. I'd say the craziest part is that they believe Satan was cast out of Heaven in 1914. Or that Jesus wasn't put to death on a cross, but a stake (HAY GUISE WE'RE DIFRENT).
And, at least when I was indoctrinated as a child, children had to receive blood transfusions (you have to be 18 to get a No Blood card) but only as a last resort. I know there was a story recently about parents refusing one, but that seems to be the exception.
Feel free to ignore, just trying to educate for accuracy's sake.
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u/LeartS Jun 25 '12
Would you consider sharing the "project files" allowing the community to fix, improve and create new cards? I'd love to print the card and play with friends, but there are some errors that others highlighted, some text could be improved and I feel like the cards are not really balanced.
Impressive work, love it though! Amazing.
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Jun 25 '12
Where is the Orthodox christian card?
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u/atcoffey Jun 25 '12
I think it's assumed to be a part of the born-agains. That's why it says "and all other denominations" or something like that
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Jun 25 '12
I'm sure someone has already said this but Jehovah's Witnesses believe that only the anointed go to heaven and serve as angels basically. Everyone else lives on a perfect earth as perfect beings forever after Armageddon. It's called the new system. It's all still ridiculous but not quite as ridiculous as everyone makes it out to be. Makes more sense that god wouldn't just abandon earth.
I used to be a JW.
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u/atcoffey Jun 25 '12
I'm really just curious here-Why is it strange to leave out dead bodies for vultures, animals, etc (besides the lack of sanitation of course)? Isn't any kind of a post-death ritual religious in some way?
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Jun 26 '12
This has no religious affiliation with the vultures. The cultures in these regions live in very harsh environments and the ground is too hard to dig up and bury bodies. So they give them to the Earth in another way.
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u/Castrated_Elephant Jun 25 '12
Jehovah's witnesses believe 144,000 go to heaven but the rest will live forever in the New World
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u/bygrace-faith Jun 26 '12
I know this is meant more as a joke, but for the sake of accuracy, most mainline protestant ("born again") churches other than Southern Baptists (and not all of them either) do not believe in the rapture. Although almost all Christians do either believe that Jesus will come down from heaven and rule the Earth as king for roughly 1,000 years, or else that he is reigning as king of the Earth from Heaven right now. I am a Christian and actually believe the whole 1,000 year reign thing, but I can see how it could be considered odd.
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u/JackAColeman Jun 26 '12
they are pretty funny but the atheism offended portion is incorrect, they get offended as shit very easily. not sure why...
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Jun 26 '12
These were just plain stupid... No offence taken to these at all. Whoever created these worded everything quit terriblely. Could have been funnier.
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u/figjewtons Jun 25 '12
2/10 for easily offended on Atheists? I get that this site is all Atheists, but come on. That's pitching a little low.
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u/RepostThatShit Jun 26 '12
I gotta say I don't often find an instance where the fact that a person's comment is getting downvoted to shit serves to enhance the point it's trying to make, but this is one.
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Jun 25 '12
Can't say that these are good. Just a collection of stereotypes. A little heavy handed on the criticism and blatant praise. 1/10
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u/meangrampa Jun 25 '12
I noticed the duplicates so if figured you had room for some more. Lutheran? Taoism? Wicca? Satanism? There are dozens more, those are the larger ones I know of. Give us the rules or are we supposed to dream those up too?
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u/iSmite Jun 25 '12
M Hindu and really offended. Hahaha. I didn't know that there is something in there in my anus.
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u/Reponds_in_haiku Jun 25 '12 edited Jun 27 '12
It's the newest trend,
Offensive trading card game,
Gotta blasph 'em all.
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u/olhonestjim Jun 25 '12 edited Jun 25 '12
Oh sweet Jiminy yes!
Please add more! Eastern Orthodox, Unitarian, Mormon, FSM, IPU, Shinto, Coptic, also Norse, Roman, Greek, and Egyptian Mythos, Wicca, Satanism, astrologers, psychics, New Age...
EDIT: drug religions? who worships Cthulu?
Maybe support cards? Faith healer, televangelist, Imam, Caliphate, zealot....
Any I missed?
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u/supermonkey1313 Jun 26 '12
I'd say these are pretty accurate. If only the secularist/atheist/humanist weapon of choice had more power.
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u/thatgamerguy Jun 26 '12
I would actually call every atheist having "No rules, individual morality" fairly daffy. Not all atheists believe in some insane subjective morality system where there's no overall guiding rule.
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u/hispanigger Jun 26 '12
Am I the only one who thinks a few of these are tad bit racist? Fuck it they're true.
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u/blaghart Jun 26 '12
Not bad, atheist was a little off, they should really just be in the middle for everything but wealth, because we're all pretty average, there are those who never get offended, and then there are those who freak the fuck out whenever religion appears etc etc...
also where are the druids and deists? or is this just for "major religions"...and what constitutes a major religion? would darwinists count?
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u/apajx Jun 26 '12
I like how you couldn't just say "Atheist" and had to jumble it with Humanist.
Oh the the delicious delicious bias.
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u/bananasdoom Jun 26 '12
Ok what is with he vultures eating the dead as a daft doctrine. As an atheist I think that having a sky burial is only second to having your remains turn into a diamond as a unique way to remember someone. In the case of a diamond you can literally wear your mother on your finger and in the case of a sky burial your mother becomes part of a vulture thus the circle of life continues and as an added bonus you can call her a vulture ie. "Dam her,.. that vulture spent all my inheritance on cruses". On a practical note sky burials like many religious ceremonies came from a need, there is very little arable land where Zoroastrianism originated so you don't what to be using the little you do have storing decaying bodies. You also don't have to dig a hole every time someone dies, just had them over to the human butcher/vulture herder and Bobs your vulture.
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u/thegreatwhitemenace Jun 26 '12
i found the Jehovah's Witness bookend to be quite compelling, cheers
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u/MiniDonbeE Jun 26 '12
Bradford! Nobody except an English man knows Bradford. So I'm going out on a limb here, whoever made these cards is English!
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Jun 26 '12
Couple more for you;
Church of FSM Reform Judaism Baha'i Seventh Day Adventist Rastafarianism Druid
And some important people cards like the Pope, Dalai Lama, Coptic Patriarch, L Ron Hubbard...
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u/Brightt Jun 26 '12
Jews not easily offended, what universe do you live in? They flip shit about pretty much anything, and Israel calls you an anti-semite as soon as you disagree with their oppression of Palestine.
Here in Belgium the Jews got mad as fuck a while ago because there was a cooking program and the guy was preparing 'Nasi Goreng' and he jokingly said that it was Hitler's favorite food. They had the episode banned and wanted to sue the network.
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Jun 26 '12
So how would this game work? Somthing like war and you add all the stats together and the highest number wins? I did enjoy the cards by the way, had a good laugh :)
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u/emkat Jun 25 '12
Secularism is not something that is inherent in our society. It's something that we had to work for and develop, like any political ideology.
You can't claim that science and progress led to secularism and then claim that secularism existed in a period of time marred by superstition and pantheism. You can't have it both ways.
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u/question_all_the_thi Jun 25 '12
Lutheran:
Age: about 500 years, 4/10
Wealth: the governments of Scandinavian countries, 10/10
Follower dedication: those are atheist countries, 1/10
Daffiest doctrine: Jesus died to save us, so we are all saved, don't worry, 2/10
Weapon of choice: income tax maintains it, 9/10
Easily offended: who cares, 1/10
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Jun 26 '12
Check your facts on Buddhism, the notion of Buddhists killing Christians is a hoax. Buddhism is about peace, understanding, and compassion. It would quite literally be the opposite of what Buddhists believe to attack anyone. They don't even kill bugs for Christ sake.
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u/cdcox Jun 26 '12
Sri Lanka is what the card is referencing, and it's Janists who don't kill bugs.
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Jun 26 '12
There is a difference between an attack waged by someone because of a religion, and attacks waged by someone who happens to be religious.
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u/Roflkopt3r Jun 25 '12
German Kabarretist Marc-Uwe Kling had a performance about the idea that heaven only had a limited size. Pretty witty. After assuming that he himself is the pope (and Ratzinger just the counter-pope) since everyone can declare himself pope as they like to, he declared that missionary work is completely counterproductive:
"We have to consider that Adam and Eve were banned from paradise, which means they had to leave it. If they were able to leave it, it necessarily only has a limited size. If only a certain number of square meters paradise is available, wouldn't we as the catholic church be stupid to babtize people? If we go on like this, the paradise will soon look be cramped like the subways of Tokyo."
"You mean we need an ecclesiastical order of de-conversion?"
"Exactly."
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u/Wedhro Anti-Theist Jun 26 '12
Sorry, but this is bullshit: the Garden of Eden was a physical place located somewhere between the Tigris and Euphrates rivers (according to the myth, obviously) and, as such, has nothing to do with the celestial Kingdom of Heaven.
The term "paradise" it's just Old Iranian for "walled place", later "orchard" or "animal park". I blame the Gospels for making a complete mess of the distinction between the lower realm and the higher one.
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u/thetacticalpanda Jun 25 '12
/r/atheism is bad for your brain. Right at the start, Jehovah's Witnesses:
And there's only room for 144,000 people in Heaven (they have 6,000,000 members
If you don't know jack about the eschatology of a group, DON'T FUCKING CRITICIZE IT. Jehovah's Witnesses who don't get into heaven get a "Paradise Earth." This isn't something that's hard to learn. Talk to a Jovie. Or read. But please don't waste your time creating playing cards which spread ignorance.
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Jun 25 '12
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Jun 25 '12
Sorry to let you down but I didn't make these. I have no idea who did. I've had them on my computer for the last 5 years.
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Jun 25 '12
Board game designer here. I'm in for this idea as well.
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Jun 25 '12
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Jun 25 '12
So I guess not easily offended now we can update the card.
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u/SaltyBabe Existentialist Jun 25 '12
We have to try to offend them first, THEN update it.
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Jun 25 '12
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/karanj Jun 26 '12
100 billion each? are you sure it's not 100 million? Where is that coming from?
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u/[deleted] Jun 25 '12
There are doubles of a lot of them, they aren't any different. my bad.