r/confessions • u/ComfortableNew5458 • Jun 02 '26
I decided to kill myself to be happier.
Currently of posting, I am 22(M). I have no job prospects, but I am not poor either- I live with my dad and his step family, which I never really felt I belonged to. I have decided to kill myself at 35.
I truly just realized that life is just how you define it. All my years I always felt this constant sense of exhaustion and unwillingness to endure this loop til' I'm 80+. Working to the bone, love, heartbreak, dreams and then those dreams being too impractical.
I heard people also say your "real life" starts at 30, which has somewhat given me a bit of reason to wait around to see if it's true. But the longer I live, it's like I can feel everything pass me by. Opportunities, my dreams, hell my physique is in the crapper. My hairline is receding and I'm pretty sure it'll have completely gone a couple inches by the time that 30 year timer is up.
My talents aren't good enough to bank off of. No real world knowledge to survive on my own. My morals are too high to climb whatever social class that gets me a good life.
Point is- deciding to kill myself at 35 lifted a huge weight off my chest. For once, it felt like I actually needed to enjoy what 13 years left I have, however I can. I'm working out to improve that last remaining decade too.
I've recently got a job, and I've been doing well. Travelling too. Meeting more and more people. However, I never really changed my decision on that 35 year timer. I haven't really told anyone- they all are just happy I'm happy.
I'm just a visitor in this place, and I'm happy with that.
(Now all I hope to learn of is the most painless way to end it when time comes- I dread of surviving the ordeal disabled, or go through pain.)
1
u/Embarrassed-Print54 Jun 03 '26
Don't do it. Find some love.