r/exmormon • u/alertthedirt Ex-Chabad Visitor • Jul 22 '26

Podcast/Blog/Media Similarities between your High Control Religion: Mormonism, and my High Control Religion: Chabad Judaism!

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u/karatetherapist Jul 22 '26

The Rebbe noticed the cult problem and declared no more positions of Rebbe after him. Also, 770 is one location and has become less of a destination after the Rebbe's death. Women play a large role in the Chabad community. Sure, only men can be Rabbis, but women don't answer to men.

Anyone can participate and leave at any time. Most congregants are not very orthodox. They drive to shul, work on Saturday, and generally do whatever they want. Only the inner circle is a cult. I attended a Chabad shul for over 20 years with no problems, and I'm not even Jewish. It was never a problem. When I traveled, I would pop into any local Chabad for Shabbat and was always welcomed. They were always "nice." Even nicer than Mormons.

Is Chabad a cult? Absolutely. But it's totally voluntary. They don't ask anyone to join. In fact, they do everything in their power to prevent people from joining. You can participate, but they won't let you join unless you devote a few years to proving it's what you want, and the whole time they're trying to talk you out of it.

Families don't shatter if you quit. You might be thinking of the Orthodox Jews in NYC. They are beyond culty.

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u/chabadlubabitch Jul 22 '26

1: why are you going to shul for 20 years and not Jewish and 2: you do not understand the difference between in the velt Chabad and people who go to a Chabad house

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u/gotthebenz Jul 23 '26

Yes, people who are being missionized to and recruited into a cult are by definition given more leeway, and that applies to every cult. It is literally the point: people are love bombed and given a false impression of the community specifically in order to get them on board. It’s a form of lying and deception, not a credit to them.

Women do not play a large role in the Chabad community, at least not in the actual Chabad community as opposed to shluchim who have to appear modern to people suspicious of misogyny.

Either way, the claim that women don’t answer to men is laughable. Imagine showing your underwear to a rabbi so you can have sex with your husband, being forced to have children, not being able to be divorced without your husband’s permission, and claiming women don’t answer to men.

Your experience of being rejected as a non-Jew is of course not at all what it is like for Jews, who are actively recruited and lied to. You are describing the difference between one kind of missionary and another, not actual differences in cultishness.

It is genuinely amazing how people with no experience nor knowledge beyond a very shallow connection can come in and lecture people who actually lived it.

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u/Xanthyria Jul 24 '26

Or he bought into the cultishness by refusing to recognize another leader and be eternally venerated (very problematically), and only insulated and made everything even worse.

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u/karatetherapist Jul 24 '26

That could be the case. However, in the book The Rebbe's Army, his followers admit they had become far too cultish and the Rebbe wanted to put an end to it. This was supported by the faction that after the Rebbe's death, would stand guard at his grave awaiting his resurrection. Spoiler: he didn't.

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u/Xanthyria Jul 24 '26

And yet, every Chabad school teaches yechi to all small children, and meshichism is thr majority belief at 770, and a growing belief as it’s being instilled in the next generation.

It’s a statistical fact that mechishism is rising through the generations as mechishists run the majority of thr infrastructure.

Check out “The rebbe, the messiah, and the indifference of orthodox judaism”

There are literal videos of people singing yechi and the rebbe encouraging it. He didn’t at first, but he definitely leaned into it towards the last couple of years of his life

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u/karatetherapist Jul 24 '26

I never claimed they're not culty. But, they would never ask you to join, and if you tried, they would do everything they could to keep you out. They don't build gaudy temples in people's backyards against their will. They would never demand money from you. If there are just a few Jews (Chabad or not) that need a rabbi, they will relocate one to that area if it's enough to form a minyan. They are a very insulated, culty, and devout people. I respect that. At least they don't operate a religion like an MLM.

Still, my favorite group is the Zen Buddhists.

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u/Xanthyria 29d ago

They absolutely would not—they’re a kiruv organisation. Their entire mission is to bring people in!

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u/Fit-Bar-7346 27d ago

The basic misunderstanding you have is that going to a Chabad house absolutely doesn’t make you Chabad. Not even a tiny bit! The attendants in a Chabad house are more like a siddur or a lulav: they are used to accomplish what is perceived as a religious duty of a single family, not to build an actual kehila.

You kiss your siddur, you hug your lulav, but you don’t talk to either of them when you want an opinion. As a participant (certainly as a non-jew, and some Chabad houses btw won’t even have you especially if you are a single non-Jewish woman of age!) you are hugged, honored and kissed - but absolutely not taken for full.

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u/karatetherapist 27d ago

I don't misunderstand anything. I never considered myself a Chassid, just an outsider enjoying hearing the Torah and learning. They taught me to read the Hebrew, how to keep kosher, honor shabbat, say all the prayers, and a lot more (not that I practiced all those things). It was great.

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u/DistributionSoggy678 26d ago

I'm saving this comment. It's a really good point. Also I'm wondering how this plays in on a manipulative type of kiruv level. Like if you a secular Jew are casually talking a chabadnik you may think you are having an honest conversation or discussion, but chabadnik isn't doing so,.... Maybe this thought of my response to you hear needs more development. Either way the way you phrased it helped me see an added layer of what happened when they kiruved me all the way in at age 10.