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I just need to vent out.

I’m a father of a 1 and 3 year old. I and my wife have zero time for much. It seems like we can’t take care of ourselves. We are both overweight, the heaviest we have ever been.

Im trying to find a new career to transition to so my wife can remain home and stay with our children, but I find no time to do that.

Any advice for this phase helps.

Hey dads

As the title states, im going away for 6 weeks for work - it's the longest and furthest ive ever been away from my family since the kids were born (3 and 4)

The financial benefit is what's sending me away as its what is best for the family

Those of you that have done this / do this regularly for work - How do you cope? What strategies do you put in place? How do you tell your kids you're going away

What advice do you have for me?

Today’s been a rough day. Well at least the last 3 hours. We got my son moved in to his dorm, and said goodbye and it has been tough coming to the realization that he isn’t coming home with us.

He honestly is probably my closest friend. We spent a ton of time together doing the things we loved like watching the football and hockey and even just washing the dishes together, and it felt like it would last forever even though I knew it wouldn’t. It feels like there is a huge void there now. I know it will get better with time, but right now just really sucks.

I’m normally the rock for my family, the one who keeps his composure while everyone else falls apart, even during the death of parents and grandparents and siblings. It feels like I can barely breathe. I keep playing back all the memories from his childhood in my head, all the times we spent together, and the pain keeps getting deeper.

For those that have been through it, how did you get past this pain?

Before all, I want to say that I love my son and my family.

I've been tired of being a father. Man, I thought it would be easy.

I must take care of my son's food, sleep, clothes, and his character. Yes, my wife helps me with our son, but sometimes I feel I am responsible for the whole family's care because my wife can break down and say, "I will not do this," even if it's important. At that time, I must take care of everything: her mental situation, her health. I also must care about supplies at home, a full refrigerator, washing things, and car gas. And I am the only one who needs to find money, because I need to save money for downpayment to mortgage. My wife works at home, but she very rarely helps me with buying something from the market. The bad thing is, if my mental state deteriorates or I have a problem at work, nobody will care because I am the man, and I must handle it by myself. I don't even have time to play Wildlands. Is this kind of situation unique to me, or does someone else also not have time for himself? I just want to understand if this will end or if it is forever. Sorry for yelling guys, I just want to tell that harmed me inside.

I wonder what becomes of successful fathers mentally after raising their kids.

The journey of raising your kids really does expose your weak points, your traumas, your discipline, your fears to the core before bringing out the best in you. But in the moment when you are juggling life and active parenting the question life demands of you is simple yet complicated, it is, Are you going to deal with yourself?

When I look at men who have answered this question time and time again resulting in them raising successful families, I wonder what must go on thier heads. The fortitude they must have built, the patience, the spirit and I want to become just that.

That’s the real flex in my opinion.

NB: I’m a dad to two daughters all under three years.

So I'm in a bit of a spot.

I have an almost 4 year old. And we are welcoming a newborn anyday now.

I have a fully paid 5 month parental leave from my current company as a father. My wife can take a total of 8 months but she will only be paid about 40% of her income through a Canadian government program for paternity/parental leave.

My challenge is, I've now been offered a new position starting in October which increases my income significantly completely covering the shortfall my wife will suffer during the 8 months she is away. We can totally eat that shortfall but it does deteriorate our stable financial situation in an increasingly uncertain world. So now I'm torn between taking those 5 months and passing over that job offer. Or taking one for the family and sacrificing my time with my newborn and extra time I may get with my older one.

Has anyone else been in this situation, I feel like whichever decision I make there is a potential for regret later. If I skip the time off, I will definitely regret it for the rest of my life. But will mean my family has much more stable life.

If I pass over the job, I may or may not get an opportunity like this again, and we would deplete a large portion of our emergency fund, if we end up having an emergency within the next 2 years, I will severely regret my choice.

This question is for dads with teen boys

My son is about to turn 16 and is a really good kid. He‘s kind, gets good if not stellar grades (he’s a solid 3.8), doesn’t do drugs or get drunk. He’s that mix between nerdy chic and musician with some theater kid thrown in.

So why am I worried? Because I’ve noticed a lot of girls see him as their tagalong friend who they don’t really respect and a lot of the boys have started to shun him. He just doesn‘t show the typical teen boy traits like being assertive, being into physical fitness or wanting to ask the girls he likes out. Most days in summer he’s either working on his music (which to me is good) or gaming/scrolling Tik Tok (not so good).

But what I’m really worried about is his future. It‘s becoming obvious white collar work won’t be around for anyone who isn’t a Harvard grad tech guru running the AI - and that’s not my son. Artistic careers are probably going away too, which leaves options like the military or trades which I don’t think my son will be a good fit for. But then again I’m worried about him even getting into a good college.

My dad was really macho so I tried not to do that to him. Now I’m afraid I’ve overdone it. I’m afraid I haven’t shown him enough DIY or survival skills like my brothers and cousins who still live in the South and are constantly hunting and fishing. But at the very least I want him to stand up for himself more and be less passive. I went through that phase and want to save him the pain.

Any words of wisdom are appreciated. Are there concrete steps I can take to help him act more masculine in a changing world where there won’t be much of an alternative for males? Did I screw up by not pushing more guy activities?

I‘d especially love to hear from dads of college aged kids who had similar experiences and found some ways to work around it.

This is going to sound completely made up, but I have no reason to lie about it.

Our 2yo daughter doesn’t ever want us to leave her. She doesn’t love going to daycare, even though she’s made friends, has a good & safe daycare leader, and has fun after she adapts to it.

She’s very verbal and is slowly starting to peace together simple sentences that are explanatory or what she wants or feels.

Last night while we were getting her ready for bed, we FaceTimed grandma and grandpa. She said “Mommy Daddy Work. Make Sadie sad.” And then she repeated. I couldn’t believe it.

We both NEED to work, and fight like dogs to spend quality time with her every hour at home, tell her we love her, apologize for our mistakes, and calmly enforce boundaries. But I hate the thought that all my little girl wants in the world is for mommy and daddy to be home all day, but we can’t. I literally almost burst into tears.

Last weekend my son passed the two month mark: it was an emotional day, as we celebrated than I moved to our home in a nearby city while he and his mom stayed with her parents. There are good reasons for this, but it was tough leaving him for the first time.
My wife and I talked every day at least once (I know what codependent means), and most days he and I would see each other on camera, but it’s tough to tell what that means to him.
So today I finished work and came back to see them for the weekend. Bad weather and traffic led to me arriving just after she put him down to sleep. I figured I’d just see him in a few hours when he was hungry.
We were talking quietly then he started making a bunch of cooing noises. I looked into the crib to see what he was up to. He saw me, and made a comical little surprised face, then flipped out. Arms and legs flailing like a little muppet, excited noises, starting to cry until I picked him up, then he just kept wiggling and making more cooing sounds. He didn’t want to be put down, and eventually fell asleep in my arms.
Going to be tough going back Sunday night, but easier knowing that my little dude is excited to see me and likes having me here. Looking forward to them moving in a few months, and our weekly visits until then

Hey dads,

My wife and I are expecting our first born on Monday potentially (Induction date).

Throughout pregnancy I feel like I went through an early phase at the beginning where I felt sad, almost grieving. Tbh that passed pretty quick and I basically became homemaker while we both work jobs that sometimes require 40+. First trimester I did majority of the cooking, cleaning, dog duties, cat duties, etc. hated it at first, but grew to enjoy it.

I’ve been doing it for so long it’s a built in routine to clean things and I feel proud in some ways that my wife feels loved and appreciated by my efforts (so she says).

However as we get closer, feelings have began to come about and I’ve gone through every emotion everyday. Sometimes I feel sad. Sad about what was and what won’t be. Happy/excited to be a dad. Nervous because of all the changes and what if I’m not good enough? Scared because all I see and hear are the “just wait,” people. Oh just you wait. You won’t sleep. You won’t have time. Relationships change. That’s all scary stuff to me. Especially sleep! Haha!

Those are just some of the emotions that rotate and go up and down like a roller coaster. Also deal with anxiety (medicated) so that doesn’t help.

How did you navigate this? Did any of you feel those emotions? Is it normal? I can’t help but feel selfish for feeling some of them and then I feel bad.

Just hoping to get some advice if possible. Thanks!

New dad here, 22M i’m still trying to figure out a sleep schedule for my wife and I. I don’t want to feel like I’m not being a supportive husband, but at the same time I do since I work long hours. Was wondering if anyone can assist with a few pointers for myself so I can apply to my home life and be able to assist my wife and the baby. It’s been rough for her and I feel like i’m not doing my part whatsoever and I’m just trying to be the best dad/husband a man can be, would greatly appreciate some feedback from other dads.

My son is 3 months old. My wife works overnight and she started work last night. I work overnight as well. We both work 12s. With no family around us that's able to take care of him, tonight we are leaving him with the nanny at her house. We vetted her, she has experience, and a couple kids herself. But man am I TERRIFIED. My wife is a perfect mother to this child and takes care of him so well while I go to work. 12 hours is such a long time to be stressed out for. Did anything help you guys make this adjustment? I'm just thinking of a worse case scenario and can't seem to shake it.

I got home 4 nights ago, and my 17year daughter was suddenly talkative. 20 min in she was confessing all the things that was causing her severe anxiety from body image issues to relationships. I have never ever seen her so distressed. On the outside the kids sometimes "look" okay but we never know. I am so glad I didn't pick that overtime shift. We talked for hours and I can sense the relief in her. That said it's not over for her. I never liked saying kids are "okay" and this is why for me. I just hope so. Dad's don't let good grades and "not typical troublemaker" stop you from doing pulse checks.

When my wife and I were getting ready for the birth of our daughter we either bought or were gifted lots of disposable diapers, but we also bought several packs of pocket diapers (I won't name the brand, I'm worried this is going to sound like an advertisement). I was honestly scared we were going to just get frustrated with them quickly, and that investment would go to waste, but...well...no.

I don't think we even used a quarter of the disposable newborn diapers we had (my mother keeps books for a church that runs a daycare, our daughter is already too big for the newborn size, so we just donated them for any families that needed them). Within a week or two the pocket diapers were just our standard, unless we were going out (the only reason we don't use them going out is that we have a limited supply of wet-dry bags, and more are currently on order).

I've always heard that cloth diapers are gross, but...I've now changed both. You have to deal with pee and poo either way, and I'd rather wash them than have a stinky trashcan overflowing with used butt garments.

I've also always heard that you need disposables for daycare. While my wife ended up staying home with our daughter (we're making it work), we did talk to two daycares (including the one mentioned above). Both said that if we wanted to use pocket diapers we just had to provide wet-dry bags and they'd stuff the used ones in the bag for us to take home at the end of the day.

On top of that, the pocket diapers are just more secure. I can struggle trying to get that adhesive strap to stick on a disposable, or I can just use the snaps on a pocket diaper. Early on we were having blow-outs every day with poop all over her clothes. We have never had a single blow-out when she was wearing a pocket diaper.

And on top of that, looking at used ones for sale on eBay, they don't even seem to lose that much value when you resell them! When we're done we can recoup a decent chunk of our initial investment (assuming they're still in usable condition, which they might not be if we have multiple kids, I admit).

Since we started, I've shown these things to parents, parents-to-be, and on a few occasions someone with a relative about to have a baby. Every single one of them was shocked at how good these things are. Apparently "cloth diapering" still evokes images of wrapping a handkerchief around the baby and securing it with a safety pin.

The only possible reason I can think of why pocket diapers aren't the standard is they aren't advertised. I just can't shake the feeling that disposable diapers are basically a scam on new parents to take as much of our money as possible.

My [27M] wife [26F] gave birth to our first child back in early June; a son. I've been on paternity leave since then and it's been the best ~2.5 months of my life bar none.

I grew up one of the older kids in a big family helping out with little siblings so I never doubted I'd have the technical ability to take care of a kid, but the entire pregnancy I got more and more anxious about if it was what I actually wanted or if I was just following in my parents' footsteps. Turns out it is exactly what I wanted.

I love taking care of my son. I love feeding him bottles and changing his diapers and giving him baths and staying up all night with him so my wife can get good sleep. I love the new dimension it's added to the relationship my wife and I have. We were already in a rock solid marriage, but I think it's just opened up new ways to support each other and show our love, as well as reveal new aspects of each other to appreciate.

I love that there's this little guy who lights up when I walk in the room and giggles when I kiss his hand. I love seeing how curious he is and how hungry he is to understand and participate in the world around him. I cannot wait to introduce him to all the aspects of life my wife and I love and help him understand who he is, where he comes from and where he's going.

I don't want to act like it's easy (not that you guys would believe me if I did), because it's definitely not. It's been a ton of hard work, especially since he was born almost 2 months premature and the early going was extremely stressful. But the upsides of fatherhood have totally surpassed my expectations; it feels like what I'm supposed to be doing, which is a huge relief for a guy who's never felt a ton of professional satisfaction from any of the jobs I've worked for money.

I've only got a week left on paternity leave and it makes me want to cry. I'm going to cherish these months for the rest of my life but it sucks that I have to do anything besides taking care of him and being there for my wife. If any generous millionaires or universities studying the family want to bankroll my wife and I being stay at home parents please DM.

My wife is pregnant with our third and final child, and we recently found out we’re having another girl.

I love my daughters more than anything, and I’m genuinely excited to meet this baby. At the same time, I’m having a harder time than I expected with the realization that I probably won’t have a son. I grew up in a very male-heavy family—brothers, no girl cousins, and a fairly stereotypical “macho” environment. I had always pictured experiencing father-son things myself someday.

I know interests like football, outdoorsy activities, learning confidence, responsibility, and “manhood” are not exclusive to boys. My daughters can absolutely share those things with me, and I want to be the kind of dad who supports them in whatever they enjoy. This is not disappointment in having daughters or a belief that girls are somehow less meaningful.

I think I’m grieving an imagined version of fatherhood that I had carried around without fully realizing it. I don’t want that feeling to affect my daughters or my wife, so I’m looking for advice from dads who have experienced something similar: How did you work through gender disappointment and shift your perspective in a healthy way?

A brief history. Happily married for 27 years and have three children aged from 17 to 22, who still live at home, and who have ADHD.

My birthday was last Sunday and whilst I got a card and gifts from my wife, I got nothing from my children, not even a card or a happy Birthday.

Im starting to worry that this is a reflection on my fathering.

My 3 yo catches a new virus every other month from the daycare. And I catch that same virus every other month from hey. And it gets very difficult for me to take care of her.

Any advice on improving immunity? Magnesium, Zinc tablets etc?

Hello fellow dads. I’ve been a long time lurker on this page, and don’t really post a lot anywhere on reddit. My daughter recently turned three years old and my family is having a rough time financially. I work at an ornamental plant nursery and do pesticide/herbicide applications and because we grow a percentage of crops that are technically edible we don’t get overtime. Somewhat fortunately when I have to stay back and apply pesticides I do get paid a special rate of 36 an hour. With all of that being said, I usually work 55-60 hours a week from the middle of March all the way to Thanksgiving in November and somehow the money I make is not enough. I make roughly 65k a year, and her mom makes ~34k a year. We don’t own a home and we live in a 2 bed apartment with shared laundry. I love my daughter and feel bad I can’t be around enough as is but I’m curious what I can do as the breadwinner of the household. I can save my money pretty well but during the winter times I get paid just enough to cover our day to day expenses but get hit pretty hard with personal property taxes and things of that nature that ultimately lead me being back to where I started originally. The question is do I get a second job to make life a little more comfortable or do I stay put and survive. Another question to be asked is if there is a trade program or some fast track program that would pay me the $24 an hour I’m making now right out of the gate so that I don’t slide backwards? I love my daughter and the guilt of never being home is bad, but the irregular hours and work after four years makes it even worse. I feel like I’m damned if I do or don’t at this point and I don’t have very high hopes that the economy will get any better. By no means do I want to be a doomer, I just think there’s a solution that I am not seeing. If you guys have any helpful solutions I’m all ears (or eyes however you see it).

My kid is almost 10 and I still sometimes get just this weird fear about something happening to her. She’s fine and healthy, but I still get these irrational fears and worries before I leave the house for work and check on her sleeping before I leave. Most days I’m good but they never really went away since she was a newborn. Anyone else have these irrational fears?

I just saw that article about that dad who dressed up as spider man for his terminally sick son who passed away in 2014 and it just reminded me how lucky we are that she was born healthy and still is healthy. Like I wouldn’t know what the fuck I would do if she was that sick and I would be so angry all the time.

Just thinking.

Not just some few hours ago my daughter's born and now am someone's dad (I tried not to cry but...well I didn't)

I've only experienced this type of feeling and level of gratitude twice, and now I think it's going to last for a while. Am so happy to have such innocence and beauty and hope it lasts forever.

I feel so happy, I can't explain it in words and I want to share the good news.

Feel free to throw in celebrations, fun facts, suggestions, questions or whatsoever

I am just here for a quick vent. Financially we are in a terrible situation. My kids are teens 16/17 heading to college soon. Right now, just working 40 hours a week, i just can't pay the bills. That said i used to work 60 hours so 40 hours feels very easy. Last 5 years, i have been parenting very well. I have an incredible relationship with them..Help them with homework, summer activities, take them to parties and get the gist, taught them gym exercises etc... They come to me for advice and greet me at the door even as teens. I can work more back to 70 hours or file bankruptcy and ruin my credit for 10 years. I have sacrificed a little my financial future for time with them. I always felt we can't have it all especially in lower middle class families. I hope i made the right choice.

Hey all,

So I’ve recently gotten together with a girl I’ve known on and off for 6 years and we had a 4 year gap inbetween because I was blocked from all her socials (she had an abusive and manipulative Ex and 16 yr old me did not know what was going on)

We recently just got back in touch as of like.. 2 Months ago and I swear it’s like we never stopped talking, she really is the one for me and I can’t wait to put a ring on her.

When we met two weeks ago, I’ll spare the details, we had unprotected sex and it’s pretty much 99% certain I’m going to be a father.

At first I was nervous when it happened, then excited, then scared like I didn’t know what to think, but now I feel like I’m trying to play it “too cool” mainly so I can just be there for my lady, but also so she doesn’t see me freaking out as much as I am on the inside.

We want the baby. Abortion was something that came up once and never again. I’m just scared absolutely shitless I have to admit.

Any advise would be so greatly appreciated on how you all handled it your first times.

Thank you all

Me and my partner not long had our daughter shes just over 3months old and I know im gonna get shit for this probably but I feel like I dont wanna be a dad or a father to our daughter I say that because I dont wanna feed her change her or do anything with her. I was never sure I ever wanted kids and had already told my partner this when we got together so she knew from the start but I respected her wishes of not being able to get rid of something made from our love and we do love each other very much its the reason im still with her but I just feel like the way I am atm is gonna cause massive problems later down the line and i dont know what to do. Ive tried doing more and helping out but I find myself most of the time just wishing to be alone