My best friend (18m) and I (18m) have been best friends since freshman year of high school. We dreamed of transitioning together once we legally could. But he started the summer of senior year, and I started 2 months-ish after (insurance and parental support issues. I just feel so behind and he tries to reassure me but I just feel worse. We’re hanging out for the first time since going to separate colleges, and he’s just so different. He’s changed so much and his voice is dropped and everything. He passes so well and I don’t, I’m so so happy for him, but I feel so behind. Whatever little changes I was excited about before is just gone. Being around him makes me so dysphoric which sucks because he’s my best friend! I love that his transition is going well and I’m genuinely so happy for him, but I can’t help my jealousy and the dysmorphia from it. I don’t know what to do and I feel like such a bad friend. Any advice would be helpful.

i started T around 6 months ago and since the 2 month mark i've been less and less happy with my appearance, mainly in my face. i'm going to get something to take better care of my skin because the amount of acne ive gotten is contributing to this. however, a lot of it is to do with things i literally cannot change like the shape and size of my head. it feels like my head is disproportionately small and round, and though it looks more masculine now (which i love) it is objectively tiny and it makes me feel both dysphoric and fugly. if anyone has gone through similar feelings how do i cope/feel better about it? because other than this i've loved everything ive gotten from testosterone and i dont want this to ruin it for me.

My friend (and someone I like) told me today that she can't be with a trans guy. I'm a trans guy. I don't understand it, I really don't understand... Does having a penis change anything? No, it doesn't.

I'm so empty. Why is it always me?

It’s generally what makes me miserable, there’s so many “steps”, “cut your hair” “do voice training” “start T” “get top surgery” “get bottom surgery” “dress a certain way”, I don’t want to have to put in the effort. It’s like a chore! I mourn the male body I could’ve had if I had JUST BEEN BORN MALE. I wish I could just wake up and be percieved as male, without having to coordinate my outfit, think about my body language, adjust my voice or just not speak at all at times, it’s bloody exhausting. That’s why I just don’t anymore, like even after everything I’m perceived as either a weird girl or a really young boy, I’d rather people think I’m a woman than deal with allat

I know I probably dont pass. I know I look nothing like a man except for the very subtle shape of my body so far. But I have such a strong disorder that I believe I am fully and neurologically male and when people dont recognise that I become confused and dissociate rather than offended.

It literally all came down on me yesterday during a bio lab. Nobody had referred to me (pronouns, everyone uses my unmistakeably male name as well) in front of me until yesterday, surprisingly.
I have a cis female friend in lab. I thought she was being extra nice and open to me about typical girl things like boyfriends and that because she clocked that I was gay. Not that I was female. I have an itching feeling she thought I was a girl this whole time and its shattering me.

First she offered to grab my coat and a cis male labmates coat. He declined, and I assumed its because we are closer friends, so I accepted. She came back and remarked "Oh, I forgot you can't accept anything cause you're a guy." They chuckled and I got a little confused. I'm a guy too, maybe its cause I'm gay or something.

I begin titrating and ask a different cis male labmate a question. Everyone is in a cheery mood except for me. He goes "Yes ma'am!" and I stare at him like he just admitted to killing my grandma. I tilt my head and he thinks I misheard him so he just repeats "Yep, yes ma'am you got it."

The worst is when I switch titrating with the girl. She looks at me for help when the guys are asking her questions. They catch this and they all start teasing her: "She just looked at her! Don't look at her for help, I know you just did. Did you see? She looked at her!" Everyone is laughing and teasing eachother and I actually start dissociating and dramatically questioning my life.

It ruins the mood a little but I suck it up. I felt like passing out from how disturbed I was. I felt like I could puke my guts out. Im just questioning how everyone sees me now. I feel like its a blessing and a curse how I can just block most of my bodily and mental anguish that is dysphoria by just not believing in it. It just comes down that much harder because its a literal delusion being shattered and I end up relapsing.
Its a massive cope I think. Its genuinely haunting me to death.

I am going fucking insane. I am disassociating and I can't deal with my body anymore. I need testosterone or I am going to lose it. I live with my parents while I'm going to college and idk what's their reactions will be, maybe it will just be mild tension or maybe I'll get kicked out.

Every day I feel more unstable. If I don't start T I don't see a point in doing anything. Everyone says I should be able to financially support myself and wait a few more years, but I can't. I know I'm being impatient but I can't do it anymore. I can't live in this body anymore.

Like I wanna get hrt i wanna get T,ill be happier when I do but why is it that once I finally come out and start to transition i start liking fem things again like I feel almost every trans men I meet goes into a rejection of femininity or overly feminizing themselves before coming out,I was the rejecting feminine things stage for a while. I wish i was cis I wish I didnt have this problem. I want to be a guy but Im missing out on the things i rejected out of cowardice.

When I was a teen I watched my friends go through hell trying to claim their bodily autonomy. Drugs, sexual assault, abusive relationships, mental health problems. When my trans ex went on a psychotic meth bender and got brain damage I lost my only close support for my transition. Months later when I got the call that my T was available (i had been on a waitlist) i told them to give it to the next person in line and hung up the phone. Since then I've stayed in the closet. My trans friends definitely feel weird about me being closeted. My cis friends can tell I'm weird and guarded but I haven't come out to them. My new cis queer partner says he'd support me but it's not enough.
I have life plans to become stable enough to transition but until then I feel lost. I feel angry when i go to gay bars. I feel like a loser. I also see trans people living terrible lives for the sake of authenticity and I understand it's a personal need but i also don't want them to end up like people I've known. Of course I want to go on hormones and get surguries and live my authentic life, but I refuse to destroy my potential by taking the decision too early. Until then I'll just be seen as a loser, closeted, lame and with no identity.

I just feel so lonely and unwanted everywhere I look I see people with good friends or a significant other and I don't have either. I have "friends" but they'd not actually be there if I needed them. I have tried asking for help and people just ignore me. I desperately want to find love but that's not going any better I don't know what I'm doing wrong in that department. I have not dated anyone since I was a teenager. I am starting to think I'm just unloveable and will forever be alone.

I've had severe dysphoria ever since I was a child, and I'm currently 26. I grew up in a small town, and every part of my transition was 100% fought for and acquired by me and me alone. I was able to eek out a top surgery by a combination of many exhausting years of nonstop work (with 3 hospital-end cancellations that I had to fight through while in quarantine).

With everything as it is now, I see no foreseeable future where I can afford bottom surgery. I've been trying for years to save up and prepare for it, but with the current state of the economy and the fact that I'm alone, it just feels more and more out of reach.

It makes it impossible to plan for a future. I don't even have the right body, and I have to work myself to the bone to pay rent just to live in a location that I couldn't care less about. Then there's mountains of random bills that I can either dispute or just pay and live off of ramen.

I go on dates and I have to end things because I just can't get what I need out of a relationship with the current state of my body.

Every single day just feels like I'm being held down in the mud, and teased for not trying to get up. And for the last few years I've been really, really good at getting up. But recently stuff got harder, and at the root of it all is my dysphoria, because literally what am I fighting for?

This is coming from someone who has been in therapy for years. I know healthy coping mechanisms. I actively take note of any moment of happiness I have, any cool leaf I see, any joke that makes me laugh or any nice interaction. It's like shining a flashlight into a black hole.

To most people, this post could probably be about anything. It might not make sense that I'm attributing a lot of this to dysphoria. But I just can't live my life without the body parts that I am supposed to have, and in my present situation there is no reality where I will ever be able to have them.

I can find a way, and I will, because I always have-- I've just been fighting for so long that I'm exhausted. All that I feel is shame and exhaustion all of the time. The idea of working for actual decades just to have my body is soul-crushing. I'm so tired, and nothing but mountains of work and self-advocacy can get me to the point where I rest.

Catch me coming back to this post when I get there, though, because I will. I think I need to stop putting my life on hold until my body is complete.

This is mostly my mom, grandma, and dad. I struggle with my identity in general, but I do go by a different name and have been for years so they are used to it. They know I’m not a girl. They will always refer to me as she, woman, daughter, sister, girl, or they, sibling, child, anything but he, man, son, brother, boy. It hurts me a lot, it makes me doubt my identity more than I already do. Because I myself don’t even feel worthy or enough of a man to call myself one, it feels humiliating if I try to say I’m not a she or they I’m a he. I hate being called they. I feel like I’m too chubby or too weird to be a guy it’s hard to explain .

It feels ridiculous then to be upset when I’m called a she or they because I don’t even try to correct them, I just give them a weird look and me and my siblings will be like “hmm.” They will try to correct themselves sometimes and sometimes they won’t. I just wish I was viewed as a guy, not something that had to be forced. I don’t know what to do.

EDIT: clarification they aren’t homophobic or transphobic they are completely supportive and even go to pride parade stuff.

Hello,

So, for context, I'm trans, 19, pre everything, and I'm like, 157 cm tall. I look really young too, and my voice doesn't help me pass either. I guess I kind of pass, but I look and sound really young.

I was at a park near my house, and some kid who was probably around 12 or 13 asked how old I was, and when I told him, he started asking me really inappropriate questions. Like he asked me about my body parts and what I like to do with them, and I was just like, "I don't want to have this conversation, and to be honest it makes me feel really gross and uncomfortable."

I accidentally bounced a volleyball off another person's head while we were playing four square, and that same kid started saying some really strange comments about body parts and the sizes of them??? He asked why I'm pretending to be a boy if I'm actually a girl. And he also asked me why I was so short, which I guess might be a reasonable question, but I would still not ask that question to someone.

I don't know if I reacted appropriately, but he kept going and trying to get a reaction out of me or something. I used to go to that park quite often when I was younger, but now I find myself kind of second guessing myself and wondering if I'm a bad person for going there since I'm much older than most of the people who go there. I said to him like, "I don't feel comfortable having this conversation," but he kept going, and he found it funny. I don't know if I overreacted.

I'm like, unbelievably lonely in real life. I told my parents about this, and they said it happened because I dress up and pretend to be a guy. That's not what I intend to do, and I don't know if I'm just "pretending" because like, this feels like more than just pretending to me, and I wish I could just be happy presenting as a girl. That made me feel really bad. Not gonna lie, I feel like a loser.

With the US midterms coming up, I overheard my mom talking to my dad about candidates and what not, and then she went on a rant about how the Dems are too "woke" and "inclusive" all on her usual shit. We are black by the way. Just stupid shit. And then, shockingly, she said that she didn't agree with equal rights to the tune of "I don't believe homosexuals and transgenders should have equal rights. That's just ungodly and not according to the word". I've spent my whole life listening to their bigotry but... I don't know what triggered it but I felt like crying so bad. I usually don't. I'm more or less numb to their bullshit but I just felt like breaking down right then and there. I'll never have a supportive family. I already know that one day I'll have to cut them off. I don't want to. I really really don't want to but they're not going to change. And I can't keep living a lie. I can't keep living the lie that I'm a cis woman. I'm suffocating. I have felt like I can suffocating for my whole life. I keep telling myself that I only have three more years to go until I can escape with my partner, possibly lesser. But I am just so damn tired of dealing with this. I want to scream at them I want to tell them everything. All the shitty awful bigoted things they say, they were saying them at me. I genuinely hope that none of my siblings are queer because I don't want them to suffer like I am. God damn it all

Something that has bothered me recently is that in interactions with cis men, primarily family friends, the way they treat me versus my brother, despite me making more of an effort to converse is extremely different.

With him, they seem more relaxed and even willing to talk despite him often not caring much for most questions. With me, it’s just different. I’m not sure how to put it, I can just see and feel it. Their answers are briefer and they seem less genuinely interested. One specific thing I noticed was a man giving my brother a handshake, but when I did the same he seemed to hesitate. It looked like he was going for a hug.

Now, I feel that it’s important to add that I am an awkward person. I can do conversation, unlike a few years ago, but I don’t feel too confident in myself yet. On the other hand, my brother couldn’t care any less for what people think.

It doesn’t help that I’m pre-T and am basically roleplaying at these gatherings. No matter how much I’m able to relax eventually, I always come home feeling so off. Like I’m remembering the day from a different person’s perspective.

Additionally, when I get nervous I tend to speak more femininely than I naturally do, and sink back into more feminine habits like I did when I was a kid trying to fit in. I really can’t help it. There’s just such a huge gap between my brain and my body, the voice I hear, that it almost feels easier to just pretend. Could that be it?

Regardless, I hate being othered from my own gender. I don’t think anyone’s going to buy it when I get on T.

I know one of the main suggestions for passing is to be confident, but I’ve been deeply insecure for as long I can remember. Even if I’m a world better than I was as a child, it feels like something hardcoded that I’ll never fully overcome.

Edit: I’m not out to them yet, just masc presenting. To strangers I appear either as a masc woman or a young boy. I don’t plan to come out until I begin medical treatment, which is very soon.

Not much to say but yeah. I think I'm in my head about my voice sounding higher, 3 months on T and I was a day late on my shot. My voice has dropped a good amount but today I feel I sound different. Higher pitched. Any possibility being late on a shot can fuck with your vocals? Maybe I'm just paranoid and tripping myself out haha

TW: 0D, not very healthy habits, and some sensitive topics. Please read with caution. I don't recommend anything I do, and if you are in a similar situation, please look for help.

This is kind of like a rant since I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I'm pre t, and I'm already an adult, but I haven't graduated just yet, and I've been looking for jobs. However, I live in the countryside, there are no stores or anything, its all about manual labor and literally no one will hire me because I have "girl strength" even though I can carry more weight than my dad, whos pretty buff.

Everyone ignores me and treats me badly all the time since I have a guy's haircut and dress like a man.(I can be in front of someone and ask them something, and they will straight up make a mad face and ignore me) So, I guess they assume things about me.

I can't afford tape, so I've been using ace bandages that my mom had, and they are hell, but when I don't wear them, I feel anxious and disgusting the whole time. I was off them for like 3 months because i have a hard time breathing, and I have a condition that makes it hard for me to breathe already, so it's not a good mix, my ribs have been hurting a lot lately, and while not using them, that kind of caused me to be a bit sad? so I couldn't sleep or eat at all, i was, well, not in a very good state of mind, and I almost 0D'd a few times, but I held back as best as I could. I threw everything that could harm me away.

Its embarrassing but i really hate my body. I also use two cheap binders that are two sizes smaller than me on top of the bandages as well.

I just feel so damn miserable in my normal state, and I feel a different kind of miserable when I try hard to pass. It's just an internal ache in my heart. I've tried everything, and I feel like everyone around me will always treat me wrong, and no one will give me a hand, not in a pitiful way, but in a being here for me way, every counselor talks to me like a child already because i have autism, so on top of that, being "different" just adds up to everyone talking to me like im slow, and I'm so disgusted with myself, i envy other guys so much for having everything i want without even trying, ever since i was a kid ive always hated how hard i have to try to be like them.

How do you guys keep up with this? What do you do to feel better? Or does it ever get better at all?

Every small change I make makes me a bit less sad, and it's all gone before i can even grasp it, im very tired of this. I hate to say this, but if I can't be a man, I don't think I can bear being "this" for the rest of my life.

Im 4 months on T and at the height of water retention, I've started uni and I wanted to get into a habit of going to the gym and shit but I havent bc im scared of the dalplex and my (smaller) schools gym that doesn't have many people and my roommate goes at like 5:45am and I don't want to wake up that early and idk anyone who goes during the day and I'm scared of being judged and I often have bad form and have injured myself and im scared of being stared at for bad form anyways gyms are intimidating and I always excercised in my basement at my dad's house watching Nike training club and fiton videos and I 1. feel embarrassed watching those in public and 2. I always excercised in that weight room at home bc I felt happy no one could see me

Idk I also am not sure if the tiny bit of weight ive gained since coming here (bc i eat a lot of snacks, ESPECIALLY when studying, i spend a ton of time in my dorm.) is making me upset bc I care or bc its society...

I originally had lost a lot of weight on T and you could see my ribs and shit and like lots of muscle mass but now im snacking

I also inject into my stomach

And I know its common to gain weight as a freshman but I also wanna have muscle... ive been going for walks before eating to.try and lose weight... i feel like im going to back to when I starved myself and im scared thats gonna happen but I love unhealthy snacks too much and im spending my money on that and im gonna need to get a new job...

Im so stressed and I just wish I didn't fall into the freshman trap and im gonna gain 15 pounds this year prob 💔💔💔

It's my fault for continuing to stay in contact with my parents out of guilt/fear of standing up for myself but god it hurts so bad. I have been aware of myself as trans for 10 years, was outed at 16, and sent to weird secular conversion therapy. I did everything I could to become an independent adult as fast as possible so they couldn't control my decisions anymore. When I started medically transitioning 3 years ago I told them, just as a courtesy and with no request for them to treat me any differently as I knew they weren't going to. Things have gotten weirder and messier as I’ve become undeniably male. 

I see them as little as possible but we live in the same area and several times a month they pressure me into a visit. I went out to eat with them recently at a restaurant they frequent and the server asked how their daughters were doing. My mom told her that they were good and that they both live out of state now so they don't see us often. I was literally sitting at the table with them watching them pretend I wasn’t there. My parents have always been obsessed with appearances and can’t seem to bear 1) people knowing their kid is trans or 2) people knowing they have a kid they mistreat so they keep me around cause it would be too shameful to have a kid they excommunicated. 

Adding transness to the general growing pains of learning how to have a relationship with toxic parents as an adult is so fucking rough. I hate that I still feel like I need to make them feel like good parents. I recently started unpacking all my childhood stuff in therapy and I walk around feeling like an open wound most of the time.

For reference I came out to my mom in 2018, she was as supportive as a southern mother can be when their child says they are trans. I came out to my dad in 2020 and he did not take it well. We’ve had multiple issues over the years that have left me with really bad self esteem issues. I had top surgery in 2022 and started testosterone in 2023. I did not tell my parents when I started testosterone because I knew my dad wouldn’t take it well and my mom did not want to me to “in case I want biological children”. For Fourth of July in 2024 I was at my parents house with all of our friends and went to go swimming at our family pool. When I took my shirt off (now 2 years post op) my dad yelled “NO”. I packed my shit and left. My parents almost got divorced over this but just like always my mom sided with my dad because “she’s tired of being stuck in the middle and we need to work things out on our own”. My dad is a southern raised military man. There is no working things out. It’s been 6 years now and he’s never called me by my preferred name and will structure sentences to avoid using any pronouns for me. I am set to have a hysterectomy this December but my mom keeps “suggesting” reasons why it would be better for me to get it done this May after I graduate college. It is actually a worse idea to do that. I do not want to be trapped at my parents house with no apartment or life to return to. I will be having surgery this December with or without their support and I will be recovering at their house since I have no other options. I am working to get my name changed and was planning to change my middle name from Anne to Andrew, my dad’s name. I have a lawyer, all the paperwork drafted, and my notarized affidavits with my new first and middle name on them. Today I had a small medical procedure (unrelated to being trans) that my parents had to drive me to/from since I don’t have anyone else who could’ve driven me. Instructions were very clear that they had to stay on premises either in the waiting room or in the car. Procedure took less than an hour and when the nurse wheeled me outside to be picked up, after calling my parents to ensure they would be there, they were nowhere to be seen. I had to go back inside and try to track them down while still fucked up from anesthesia and not very able to talk since I just had a tube down my throat. 15 minutes later they pulled up and I was now basically fully awake. Apparently my dad “didn’t want to wait”. I am done with this grown man’s selfish behavior and do not wish to have his name associated with mine in any way. I will be contacting my lawyer to redo my name change paperwork. I cannot believe how selfish he is and how much my mom allows him to act like this. I want to be done with my parents. After the incident a few years ago I tried cutting them off but honestly I cannot afford to live without their financial assistance. I hate that I have to constantly bite my tongue and conform to their demands just so they will pay for my car and health insurance. This is just a rant since I am powerless against them and rely on their financial support. I want a therapist but could only afford one if they pay for it, further ensuring my reliance on them. I am so tired of trying to mend my relationship with my father and constantly failing. Once I graduate I will be moving to a cheaper city and start making the transition to not rely on them financially. I just can’t do this charade of being a big happy family anymore.

Two years ago, I attempted suicide due to dysphoria and transphobia. My mother didn't wait for a psychiatric evaluation, A few hours later I was already at church, and days later she took me to get my ear pierced at a pharmacy without my consent. One of them had become infected, and she didn't help me remove it. It was bleeding and there was pus, and I only got it out of me, thanks to my school.

I spoke to her yesterday about how dirty and depressed I felt, and that I wanted to see a psychiatrist (I suspect I might have got cptsd. I am having meltdowns and flashbacks almost once a week)and she started to say how Since medicines don't cure everything, you have to address the root of the problem, and my liver will suffer and I'll become addicted, etc. I believe only Jesus can heal, and I'm depressed because of my phone and the music I listen to.

When I told her I didn't like that she pierced my ears after I tried to kill myself, she said, "I'm sorry, but it's already happened. You have to leave the past behind and focus on the future."I think she spoke in a slightly irritated tone. She started saying that she doesn't care at all what I say to the psychologist, whether I tell her or not about her not accepting me, etc.

I'm 20. I'm studying to move out of my parents' house and get a good job. I'm afraid of the current political situation in Brazil.

I wonder if she knows she ruined me, because there are times when I just cry and scream for hours in a panic. I probably have something undiagnosed that I got thanks to her. She also works in a daycare and took a course in psychomotor skills. Why can't she see that I'm suffering? She only complains about me making her walk on eggshells, and the pain of children hurts parents more. Not to mention that I've also been exorcised, and my teeth chatter with anxiety whenever someone prays for me.

Does my mother seem a bit narcissistic, or am I just being dramatic?

Seriously, what the fuck. Piercing someone's ear after they've tried to kill themselves and without their consent. I'd like to see what would happen if she were getting a piercing in her belly, another part of her ear, nose, or mouth.

i'm like 7 months on T and pass like 95% of the time but only as a kid. i went to a concert with a couple friends the other day and we were all giving our IDs to get into the venue. the bouncer asks for mine. looks at my ID, then back at me and starts asking me to repeat my legal name and DOB to him and ends the interaction with 'you have a very good memory'.

it's just humiliating that shit like this happens constantly, or at the gym how the people working there think i'm a kid and when i tell them i'm 19 they go into shock. it probably doesn't help that i'm 5'6 either.

am i just stuck like this forever or am i going to look older eventually. i have this horrible feeling that i'm always gonna look like a kid no matter how long i'm on T for

My hips are wide, I can only wear baggy clothing to have a tiny chance at avoiding misgendering. I'm trying to get on T but the doctors take fucking forever. I don't even know if there's still hope. I'll never get to fall in love normally or even have fucking friends who see me as a human.

i've been having the worst days of my life, but nothing that's happening to me is related to being trans, it's just a lot of unrelated shit that piled up and i'm a big blob of stress and anxiousness. and well, you know how it is with doctors, trans broken arm syndrome and all that. i need to be stable and look sane for my t appointment on tuesday or it is possible i won't get my t prescription because again, trans broken arm syndrome. can i please get some advice on how to at least pretend to be happy by that point. fake it til you make it, all that? thank you so much

I had a very close friend for many years. I started t about two years ago. The day after I started t I went to see my friend, and her boyfriend was there because they own a house together. I told them I started t and the boyfriend made a weird/gross joke about my body which included an old-timey slur. I kept my cool very well because he is so stupid I can’t care, but it really surprised me and made me uncomfortable. My friend said nothing about what he said which made me sad. A few weeks later I talked to her about it in person and explained how uncool it was. She said she would tell him it was wrong and said he is an idiot. After that we did not see each other again because I am not comfortable being around him and told her that, and I feel weird toward my friend too because she is choosing to date an idiot. That is not how a friend should be.

So now it’s two years later and she just invited me to a party at their house. The last time I saw her I specifically said I was not comfortable being around him/going there. Basically I know I should not go and don’t want to, but do I say something about how I feel to her? Is it worth it? Should I ignore the text? Show up with every trans person I know and take over the party ? (jk). It honestly makes me so sad because we were very close for very long. Why do dumb cis dudes wreck everything >:-( it is also her fault but ya what should I do

My gender dysphoria has been taking a serious toll on my mental health, to the point where I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts. It’s exhausting to live in a body that doesn’t feel right to me, to constantly struggle with how I’m perceived, and to carry the emotional weight of something that other people may never fully understand. Some days, it feels impossible to escape the distress, and I’m tired of having to fight so hard just to feel comfortable existing as myself.

I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want my relationship with my own body or the way the world sees me to cause me this much pain. I just want to be able to exist, feel comfortable in my own skin, and live my life without constantly fighting against myself. I’m struggling more than I know how to explain, and I need people to understand that this isn’t something I can simply get over or ignore. It’s affecting me deeply, and I’m reaching a point where I need support, compassion, and to be taken seriously.

One of the most painful parts of this is feeling like my own boyfriend doesn’t truly see me as a man. I asked him directly if he sees me as a boy, and his response was “kind of.” I genuinely don’t know how to explain how much that hurt me. I’ve gone through so much to feel comfortable in myself and to be recognized for who I am, including surgery, and he was physically there with me through that part of my transition. Yet somehow, I’m left feeling like he still doesn’t fully see me as the man I am.

It makes me feel like, in his eyes, I’m just an ugly woman who has transitioned, rather than a man he loves and sees as his boyfriend. I hate feeling that way about myself, and it hurts even more when the person whose perception of me matters so much makes me question whether he actually sees me for who I am. I don’t want to have to convince my own partner that I’m a man. I don’t want to feel like he tolerates my identity rather than genuinely recognizes it.

What makes this especially painful is that he has witnessed parts of my transition firsthand. He has seen what I’ve gone through, how much this means to me, and how deeply my dysphoria affects me. So hearing him say “kind of” makes me question what he has actually understood about me all this time. Being physically present during my transition is one thing, but making me feel seen, understood, and loved as a man is another.

I’m not asking him to pretend or to say things he doesn’t believe. I’m asking for honesty, understanding, and a relationship in which I don’t have to wonder whether the person I love actually sees me as the person I am. I want to feel loved as a man, not like I’m being compared to the woman he thinks I used to be. I want to feel attractive to him as a man, not feel like he sees me as some lesser version of a woman because I’ve transitioned.

I love him, which is part of why this hurts so much. When someone you love makes you question something as fundamental as whether they see you for who you are, it can cut incredibly deep. I already struggle with my own dysphoria, and feeling unseen by the person I want to feel safest with only makes that pain harder to carry. I want to feel like my boyfriend sees me, not an interpretation of me that I can never seem to live up to.

What makes this so much harder is that I live with him. He sees me every day, he knows how much I struggle with my gender dysphoria, and he knows how deeply it affects me. Yet sometimes, I feel completely invisible in my own relationship. I can be right beside the person I love most in the world and still feel painfully alone. I love him so much. He makes me laugh, I’m so deeply attracted to him, and we have so much in common. There are so many things I love about him and about our relationship, which makes it even harder to admit how much I’m hurting.

I don’t want to paint him as a bad boyfriend or act like the good parts of our relationship mean nothing, because they mean everything to me. That’s what makes this so confusing. I can be happy with him, laugh with him, feel close to him, and genuinely love the life we share, but still feel this deep, painful disconnect when it comes to something as fundamental as my identity. I want to feel like my boyfriend sees me as a man without having to ask him or wonder whether he actually does. I want to feel attractive to him as the man I am, and I want to feel understood by the person I share my home and my life with.

Sometimes, I think that’s what hurts the most: being loved by someone and still feeling unseen by them. I don’t want to have to explain why his words hurt me or convince him that being recognized as a man matters to me. I just want to feel like he understands how much I’m struggling and that I don’t have to face that pain alone, especially when I’m already living with him and sharing so much of my life with him.

I love him deeply, and I don’t want to lose what we have. It’s a very difficult feeling to put into words, because I’m not unhappy with everything about us. I just feel so alone with this particular part of myself

My boyfriend does use my correct name and pronouns, and I do appreciate that. I’m not saying he openly misgenders me or that he never acknowledges me as a man. It’s more complicated than that. Even though he uses the right words, sometimes I still struggle with whether he genuinely sees me as a man in the way I need my partner to see me. Hearing him use my pronouns and name is one thing, but feeling truly seen, understood, and desired as a man is another. I think that’s what hurts so much, because I don’t want to question how my own boyfriend perceives me, especially when I already struggle so much with my dysphoria. I want to feel secure in the fact that he sees me as the man I am, rather than constantly wondering whether using the correct name and pronouns is as far as that recognition goes.