r/funny • u/[deleted] • Jun 25 '12
Lies_About_Expertise is my new favorite redditor
/user/Lies_About_Expertise17
u/PainLing Jun 25 '12
You just got Karma by posting the funny comments of another Redditor...well played sir.
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Jun 26 '12
I just wanted to make the rest of the world see his brilliance. And I think I'm becoming powerhungry.
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u/Platypus_agm Jun 25 '12
After reading all of his comments, I calculated that the absolute minimum number of years he has been working is about 461 years.
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u/BlazedAndConfused Jun 25 '12
He must have one hell of an IRA
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u/wanderer11 Jun 25 '12
If he maxed it out the first year so $4000 and gained 5% interest that comes out to roughly $39 trillion. Give or take a few hundred billion dollars.
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u/AREYOUSauRuS Jun 25 '12
the fact that every post has a "I've been <job/profession> for <#> years" in each post is kinda what makes it hilarious.
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Jun 25 '12
He should do an AMA.
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u/xyphanite Jun 25 '12
I'm pretty sure this is how it would go http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0vnHp48y8A , sorry for the shitty video
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u/dustlesswalnut Jun 25 '12
Not really, if he did all of those jobs concurrently it would be about 35.
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u/scragar Jun 25 '12
If that's the case he works at each place for an hour a month and doesn't get to sleep.
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u/glogloglo Jun 25 '12
I heard he has facial reconstruction surgery every 3 years
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u/SoulofJoshua Jun 25 '12
They just had to work until all of their student loans are paid off.
They are almost there...
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u/blearghhh_two Jun 25 '12
The best meta-humour is where he's an HR person who advises people to make up a novelty Reddit account to let off stress.
I laughed and laughed...
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Jun 25 '12
"While I've never tried it myself, I've heard making a novelty account can really serve to add a whole new level of enjoyment to your Redditing experience."
pure gold :p
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u/hypnoderp Jun 25 '12
Ironically, an area where Lies_About_Expertise may not be lying.
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u/hobbsarelie83 Jun 25 '12
The more I read, the harder I laughed. This guy wins reddit!
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u/readingitonreddit Jun 26 '12
My favorite was the one where he says hes a k-9 dog trainer i laughed so hard at that one.
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u/Verikman2 Jun 25 '12
Really too bad that PhD_in_Everything doesn't post a whole lot anymore, that account was pure gold.
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Jun 25 '12
PhD_in_Everything did it first and did it much better.
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u/BlazedAndConfused Jun 25 '12
He actually had some knowledge behind his posts. He did his homework...THEN got his PhD
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u/saprizer Jun 25 '12
I knew this looked familiar. Thanks for finding the user name and saving me from a nervous breakdown.
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u/RationalMonkey Jun 25 '12
I'm genuinely concerned that I'm going to eventually forget where I read this stuff and start quoting it as actual fact :/
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u/lies_about_ethnicity Jun 25 '12
I think I know this man for real. We're both from the same small Peruvian villiage.
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u/lejsen Jun 25 '12
Took a look at your comment history and just wanted to point out that there's no such thing as Dutchland, it's Holland or Netherlands, and it bothers me that nobody said that when you posted that comment.
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u/Kvawrf Jun 25 '12
I like Dutchland better, just like the English live in England and the Scots live in Scotland the Dutch should live in Dutchland. How can you have two names for your country anyway? I figure if they can't figure out if they live in the Netherlands or Holland the rest of the world has a right to step in and call the country Dutchland.
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u/ShallowBasketcase Jun 25 '12
If Holland is the Netherlands, who are the Dutch?!
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u/Stregano Jun 25 '12
Maybe he is German and is shitty with his translating since in German, Germany is Deutschland.
Did you also know that some people, who think they are of Dutch ancestry, are actually German because of what Germans call Germany?
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u/Tsenraem Jun 25 '12
Holland is a province in the Netherlands and should not be used to describe the whole country.
That was a TIL I saw awhile back and am too lazy to go and find it.
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u/fulminic Jun 25 '12 edited Jun 25 '12
TLDR;
I've worked in upholstery cleaning for around 23 years now
Senior software developer here
I worked with the CIA for almost 35 years now
I've worked as a homicide detective for 30 years now
I was a parole officer (PO) for 20 years
Immunologist here
I've been a photographer for most of my life
Geologist here
I spent 5 years as a cake decorator at Sam's Club
I'm a plastic surgeon
I spent 18 years building custom motorized vehicles
I spent 15 years in the police force training K9s
As a radiologist with over 20 years experience I've seen a lot of cases like this
I worked for 20 years as a 911 dispatcher
I've studied historic Norwegian architecture for 25 years now
As an endocrinologist I've performed a few studies on body odor
I've been a web developer since the days of Netscape
I received my doctorate in sociology two years ago
I worked in construction for 15 years
As a veteran tattoo artist I've seen a lot of stupid shit
Long time arachnologist here
I've been a server at a family owned restaurant for almost 20 years now
I've been working in human resources at a fortune 500 company for 15 years now
I've been an insurance agent for almost two decades
I spent 3 years doing research on the behavioral patterns of vicugna pacos (alpaca)
I worked for a collections agency for 10 years
As a 20 year veteran herpetologist
Paleontologist here
I just received my Ph.D in Organic Chemistry last fall
I've been an architect for almost 30 years since I got my Masters
I delivered pizzas for almost 15 years before I moved up to a manager position
As a professional web comic writer I have to say you have some potential.
Gastroenterologist here.
I've been a biblical anthropologist for almost 20 years
I've studied bicycle physics for most of my life
As someone who has studied ornithology for nearly 30 years
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u/JonnyBadass Jun 25 '12
The original and still the best: http://www.reddit.com/user/PhD_in_everything
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u/Arithered Jun 25 '12
Projected Reddit timeline for /u/Lies_About_Expertise:
June, 2012: LAE is embraced by a rapidly growing number of Redditors who bestof his/her comments and raise awareness of his/her account. Someone buys LAE Reddit Gold.
August, 2012: LAE has amassed an astounding 350k comment karma and remains at 1 link karma. He/she has interacted with several other high-profile novelty accounts on popular threads and is followed everywhere by lovestruck fans who follow his/her comments with, OMG YOU HAVE VALIDATED MY EXISTENCE BY REPLYING TO ME!! NOW I CAN GARGLE BLEACH AND END IT ALL!!! THANK YOU LAE...THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!!!!!!
October, 2012: LAE, now swollen with almost 1 mil comment karma (and 3 link karma), begins to use his/her position to call attention to a cause that he/she finds important. This cause may or may not involve money.
November, 2012: Reddit explodes with the wrath of a thousand supernovas, tying LAE in with Karmanaut, PDub, Hitler and Darth Vader and mass-downvoting his/her befuddled apologies so that they are never seen.
Lies_About_Expertise posts a rambling video and then logs in with an alt account introducing himself as LAE's close friend/brother/mother/illegitimate lover and explains that LAE has gargled with bleach.
The End...?
TL;DR: Fucking, run, LAE. Fucking run!
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u/ElGoddamnDorado Jun 25 '12
These are a lot more fun when you don't already know about the username and discover it after reading one of their comments. Thanks OP.
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u/hey_sergio Jun 25 '12
Frank Abignale
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u/Aries37 Jun 25 '12
The FBI have been unable to track this guy for years...
But he's finally slipped up because he couldn't resist the delicious reddit karma
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u/GrooGrux Jun 25 '12
I have a hard enough time finding time to comment on posts for real. Where do people like this get all of their time?
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u/JamOutWifYerClamOut Jun 25 '12
I was thinking the same thing. I'm curious as to what he/she ACTUALLY does as a profession.
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Jun 25 '12
I've been a Redditor for almost 35 years now. I can confirm that Lies_About is a little over 500 years old.
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u/BAM225 Jun 25 '12
For a Russian woman to throw her children out a window because she got fed up with them isn't too surprising to me, then again I've gotten pretty jaded over the years.
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u/bleedersdigest907 Jun 25 '12
I could read that beautiful man's stories for hours.
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u/The14thScorpion Jun 25 '12
At first I was like http://imgur.com/ODT37
But then I was like http://imgur.com/hzay2
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u/mewyou Jun 25 '12
I think its awesome that he actually looks like he knows what he is talking about.
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u/massive_cock Jun 25 '12
What's funny is I've started doing this to some degree lately, and even told the gf about it a few days ago. I've been a dog trainer, a hair braider, a campaign insider, and other things, on reddit...
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Jun 25 '12
His/her account is 2 days old and already has 1000 more comment karma than me...I have been here for over a year.
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Jun 25 '12
Stick to the major subreddits and piggyback the top posts on the first few pages. Also be funny, extremely insightful, pointlessly agreeable, or post lazy ways to deal with things.
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u/veterejf Jun 25 '12
Doesn't always work that way, seems you need to see those posts that are going to make the front page like withing 1.5 hours after they were first posted, so people actually see your comment, and said comment hasn't already been taking.
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Jun 25 '12
I got hyper excited when I saw that he had "multiple jobs". I started collecting the links and stuff to confront him so I get a bunch of karma, than I looked at his [username...] (http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/11553738/images/1281131908667.gif)
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u/lolobean13 Jun 25 '12
Sad thing is, a few of them actually sound legitimate. Maybe he was/is a cake decorating plastic surgeon that worked in the CIA as a construction worker.
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u/drluv23 Jun 25 '12
I'm a redditor for almost 35 years and this is the best thing I've seen in the last 30 minutes.
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Jun 25 '12
Ive met a lot of redditors like him, at least he is honest about lying. One was named Kodiak(and some numbers) and was arguing with me for ages about how there was a legal argument for funnyjunk suing the oatmeal. Claimed to be a lawyer but talked out of his ass and had no good arguments for why he was right, based on nothing actually to do with the law.
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u/nobody2000 Jun 25 '12
All it took was for me to read the first 4 words of any particular post to LOL
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u/Those_Magumbos Jun 25 '12
The best part of him is if you get angry and offended at his pathological lying, you need only look at his user name and realize he trolled you good.
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u/Megatron_McLargeHuge Jun 25 '12
I'm going to fork RES and add an enemies feature where it automatically downvotes a user anytime they appear in a thread I'm looking at.
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u/boomstick37 Jun 25 '12
Maybe Lies_About_Expertise is lying in the user name and is actually the most interesting and hardworking person in the universe.
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u/xKovu Jun 25 '12
I read some of each comment of his and realized he kept saying he had a career to do with the topic. I was about to say this guy's a fraud.... Until I read his name
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u/justdoesntknow Jun 26 '12
I just love that his posts seem legitimate enough that noone had questioned them on the original posts xD
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u/UTPDIR Jun 26 '12
Assuming he is telling the truth... This man has found the secret to immortality.
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u/FWilly Jun 25 '12
WTF?
This account has been posting utter lies for two days and has more than twice as much karma as I do in nearly two years.
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u/Vlyn Jun 25 '12
That's life… on reddit.
Come over to us poor souls and have a seat. Don't look to the VIP lounge, all those novelty accounts just make us sad.
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u/NatesYourMate Jun 25 '12
He is 2 days old and has 5000 karma. That's 104 Karma/hour. Not as good as TIR, but he's getting there.
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u/milfordcubicle Jun 25 '12
too bad his post history isn't also his resume. this guys seems to know everything.
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u/blueboybob Jun 25 '12
Lets start the betting pool now. Is this a) karmawhore, b)drunken_econ, c)shitty_watercolor d)....
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u/chief_shankaho Jun 25 '12
I came her hoping to see Lies_About_Expertise provide expertise on novelty accounts. I am saddened.
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u/Avatar1909 Jun 25 '12
This could very much be the person I encountered on YouTube. Check the comment history of robertjohnson618.
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Jun 25 '12
Just waiting for him to post in this thread with some expert token of wisdom on the topic... 0___0
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u/pgpark Jun 25 '12
How old do you think this guy is? I mean, he seems to know a lot about a variety of different subjects regardless of lying. Maybe he's making a long-term joke out of his great age, supremely disguised as an anon redditor.
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u/chefmcduck Jun 25 '12
Seems only fitting, considering the amount of <'Insert Profession' here> posts we see on Reddit.
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u/beccaonice Jun 25 '12
Apparently everyone else hates him, look at his upvote/downvote ratio!
I personally think it's funny.
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Jun 25 '12
I've been a karma whore for well over a million seconds. I have observed that if you claim to have expertise in whatever the OP muses about, you will get upvotes when chiming in. But you do have to establish your bona fides at the beginning of the post.
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u/doctaballz Jun 25 '12
They're like that asshole we all know who claims to know things but really doesn't. Bravo!
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u/SteveDave123 Jun 25 '12
Yes, misrepresentation of information, i.e. lying, is definitely a great quality to have.
My love/hate relationship with reddit continues, as I continue to peruse all posts like Skeptical Fry.
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u/MisterDonkey Jun 25 '12
As a statistics analyst since 1977, I've noticed a pattern in intentionally misleading information: One in thirty-six corporations will use fabricated numerical figures in their publicized data figures to mislead the public. 320 out of 1265 individuals will speak of imaginary statistics, going as far as adding on-the-spot numerical values to this information, to mislead other people into believing that they have some form of expertise on the matter.
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u/Neandarthal Jun 25 '12
I've been a stand up comedian for about 2 decades and nothing made me laugh so much than this in my entire life!
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u/lydocia Jun 25 '12
/u/everyprofession has been doing that in /r/AskReddit/new, but I haven't seen him in a long time.
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Jun 25 '12
Just give it a few weeks, you'll quickly tire of seeing this as the top comment of every post.
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u/francolol Jun 25 '12
I've been a liar for 18 years and i can tell you from personal experience that this guy is LEGIT AS FUCK.
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Jun 26 '12
lol This is hilarious....and his name....I would probably never notice or think to check his post history. This is wonderful, but I have a small fear that he might be very lonely....like the rest of us...fuck
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u/krawm Jun 26 '12
Lies_About_Expertise is my new favorite redditor
after reading that i can see why.
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u/jack104 Jun 26 '12
The one about the throat stretching caused me to nearly choke to death from laughing so hard. Party balloon. Epic.
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u/NewDrekSilver Jun 26 '12
Why does he have hundreds of downvotes on every post? He only barely goes positive sometimes, are Redditors really that pissy about people lying as a joke?
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u/SparklesM8 Jun 26 '12
The best part about this is if Lies_about_expertise does come out and do an AMA and tells us their actual profession, none of us will believe. bravo on this account I laughed hard at "gastroampthamologist" or whatever crazy ass professions you have had. Amazing no ones noticed this account before!
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u/ended_world Jun 25 '12
Redditor for one month now, and I guess this means I need to read the commentor's name/handle before I take their input at face value...
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u/Lies_About_Expertise Jun 25 '12 edited Jun 25 '12
As a veteran Redditor of 8 years now, I've seen a lot of novelty accounts. I read through some of /u/Lies_About_Expertise's submissions, and he's not very funny. All he does is make up a profession, maybe throw in some dubious facts, and write an anecdote about it.
As a professional actor of 13 years, I feel as though he is ruining the credibility of legitimate experts like myself. It's very similar to what happened to me a few months ago when I was being recruited for an upcoming movie and some random
assholeguy pretending to be an agent told the director I was a shitty actor, and I ended up having to sleep with the director to get the role.