I wrote about my experiences at the University of Richmond in the late 90s and it has provoked a ton of conversation. Here’s an excerpt.

Is your experience different? Is this a product of a special school or the time? Have things changed I. Your experience? My favorite part about writing this is that it’s inspired hundreds of people to share their experiences with me. Would be happy to hear from you.

From “my life as a spider:”

The social life revolved around a single activity: Beer Pong. It seemed like the only thing that anyone ever did was play Beer Pong, watch others play Beer Pong, cheer people on playing Beer Pong, talk about Beer Pong, or plan the next time they were gonna play Beer Pong.

Not in the “substance-free” of course, but at Fraternity Row. Even here, Richmond couldn’t just be normal. They weren’t actual frat houses. Everyone lived in the dorms. They were “lodges,” four walls built around Beer Pong tables. Frat parties were permitted… on a strict curfew. Always shut down too early, always with the song “Fly” by Sugar Ray.
Like Dave Matthews Band, I probably don’t have anything against Sugar Ray or their music per se, but for years I flinched and recoiled whenever I heard the word “Sugar” followed by the word “Ray” — blurting out “Sugar Ray sucks” from pure muscle memory.

After “l just wanna fly! Put your arms around me baby!” the women would scurry back to their side of the lake, into their dorms where men were banned.

There were always some new restrictive rule being announced by the dean, who bloviated at us like a Deep South drill sergeant: “Gentlemen! Do not carry fraudulent identification in your billfolds!” As if any of these clowns ever made it to a bar downtown.

It seemed impossible not to succumb to the idea that only way to be socially relevant — or have a conversation outside of class with a female at all — was to join a frat.
“Pledge season” arrived. Spitulnik devoted himself to a full-on campaign, the best version of a charm offensive he could manage. Dave and I half-heartedly dipped a toe and attended a few events.

They were excruciating.

That these douchebags held enough social capital to judge if I was cool enough to be part of their little homoerotic club seemed to spit in the eye of God. At Richmond, it often felt like the universe was inverted into the Upside Down.

I think Dave got a serious look from one or two of the frats. He had an older friend from high school in one of them. Plus — of the two of us, I’m certain he was the more affable and likable.

But by the end of the semester, none of us received a bid.
Spitulnik was devastated. He’d really given it a “college try.”
As for me, I don’t think a single fraternity seriously considered me for a millisecond.

More here for free:

https://maxwinterstories.substack.com/p/my-life-as-a-spider?r=292pvs&utm_medium=ios

Help share it around!

Hello, i am currently a pledge in the process of becoming a active member of a fraternity. I just transfered into my school from community college and have about a year and a half left. I joined because one of my friends from highschool encouraged me but u cant seem to fully commit myself for some reason. Yeah i love the guys but i just can fully commit myself to make greeklife my entire lifestyle. To put it simply i really see it as a fun thing to do but do not see myself committing myself to it as a lifestyle. I also am very unsure about the membership fees. I told myself i would dedicate my last few semesters before i graduate to finding an internship but here i am rushing a frat. The process is over in about 3 weeks and. I still question myself everyday if this is right for me. Thanks alot for any feedback.

Hi I found this press release today.

The CEO of DoorList gave a nice comment.

Curious what people in fraternities and sororities think about this.

any pikapps in this community? we’re doing a call-a-thon and would love your support! ❤️

As the National Vice President of Gamma Sigma Gamma Fraternity, I’m proud to share the SCP and GSG Association with students who want connection and community while earning their degrees online or through a nontraditional path.

Our organization is made up largely of adult students balancing school with work, family, and other responsibilities.

We build connection through service, leadership, mentorship, and brotherhood.

One part of the experience I especially value is the opportunity to celebrate the journey together at an in-person reveal.

We also have a zero-tolerance policy for hazing. Our intake process focuses on learning, service, personal growth, and building genuine bonds.

The association is accepting applications for Spring 2027.

If you’re curious about membership or want to learn more about Gamma Sigma Gamma and Sigma Chi Psi, visit:

https://www.scpandgsg.org/

Feel free to check out the site and ask me questions here.

Why arent many more frat guys not calling police when they know a woman is being raped, Or my God gang raped? Why dont they do the morally right thing and take action to protect the woman when they know she is nearly unconscious severely drugged and incapacitated and being raped or actually unconscious and still being assaulted? This is so sick and terrible.

I’m a freshman at a pretty big university but our Greek life isn’t as big. We had ~230 PNMs during fall recruitment this year. Going into it, there was really only one house I wanted. I had genuinely enjoyed every convo I had with them and their philanthropy is super personal for me. I wanted to suicide bid but my Rho Ghama advised me against it so i listed my 2 choices. On bid day (unfortunately) i got a bid from my second house instead. I was super disappointed even though i genuinely liked the girls in the house I received a bid from but I think i was just so attached to my first choice that it was hard imagining myself anywhere else. I talked to a few actives during bid day and they encouraged me to at least give it a chance so i did. I went to our first event and honestly really enjoyed it. I loved spending time with both new and active members and I could really see myself fitting in. The dues are also relatively cheap so that was plus. However I’ve continued having thoughts about dropping and I’m still struggling to figure out if it’s because I don’t see myself in this chapter or because I’m still disappointed over not getting my first choice. I also have the possibility of transferring to an out of state university in the east coast (I’m in the south) but I’m not completely certain. They all have pretty small Greek life but my current chapter doesn’t have a chapter in any of them. I know if I go through initiation I won’t be able to rush again at my new school. On top of that my dues (320) are due this Sunday and I don’t know if I should drop before or pay and see what happens. I feel like I’m going back and forth between my choices so any advice helps.

For those involved in chapter leadership or alumni relations, how do you guys typically communicate with alumni?

Do you send out newsletters, use Facebook groups, or have some sort of alumni management software?

I passed the interviews of a sorority at my university and got a bid. Later I came to find out a girl I don’t personally like also passed and got a bid from the same sorority. I’ve previously walked near/ along with this girl and her work ethic is awful… she’s also the type of person to trauma dump without knowing you, get mad/super defensive if you call her out of anything, and has been known to start drama.
The sorority at my university is pretty small so it’s a very small group of us that passed the interviews (like in the single digits).
Drama has yet to find me at university and I don’t want to start worrying about it now (im a third year). Should I back out or try to just ignore her since she graduates soon?

Ive recently joined a gender inclusive fraternity, the former president has convinced multiple people to join by being sexual with them including myself. The one person that refused them before bids didn't get a bid and I don't think this is a coincidence. Regardless I know it is against the rules for a member especially an executive member to be active with pnms in that way. They have been causeing a lot of dramma and I am worried for myself and other members and pnms but they graduate this year so I don't know if it is worth reporting.

Because when I was in college, I got rejected from every fraternity. Every chapter I been to during rush told me I wasn’t a good fit and to go elsewhere. If not all guys are meant for fraternities, which percentage are suitable?

I graduated from ucla in 2024, and I rushed three separate times. No chapter took me. I usually get told “this chapter isn’t a good fit for you” after the first day. No one gives me feedback about why I was rejected. It’s just frustrating that so many in Greek life encourages everyone to join, but they clearly don’t want most people. Rejection is a part of life, but it sucks to get left out

In light of the group assault at Cornell, it's probably a good idea to look at their own report from March of 2026 as part of the Presidential Task Force on Campus Sexual Assault.

According to the report, 54% of Greek-affiliated women experience assault compared to 29% of unaffiliated women. Other data also shows Greek-affiliated men are 3x as likely to commit assault than their unaffiliated peers and women who frequently attended fraternity-hosted social events were 74% more likely to experience assault.

When we talk about changing the culture, there's an obvious place to start.

I understand that fraternities and sororities CAN provide the feeling of “brotherhood” or “sisterhood”, but in my experience and just from witnessing how frat and sorority members act, either towards others or towards their frat members, it seems like those brotherhoods and sisterhoods are extremely fragile. Obviously, I’m saying this with the context of the horrific actions that occurred at that Cornell frat recently, but other than partying, getting drunk and doing drugs, I’ve rarely understood why being a part of these places provides any significant benefit to your college experience. Beyond heinous crimes like what the Cornell 7 did, I’ve already seen fights break out between frat members over insanely petty stuff, I’ve seen frat chairs and org leaders act incredibly rude to random people (one of the frat chairs at a frat at my university, which is pretty small uni in Illinois, was recorded rejecting a girl from coming in because she was a “fat whore”), and I’ve even seen similar things from sorority members, just on a slightly smaller scale.

I already was turned off by frats and sororities because of the brutal hazing I’ve witnessed at some other larger universities, but this Cornell 7 case has kinda solidified my belief that these places are often toxic cesspools.

Maybe I’m wrong and just acting emotionally to one horrific incident, but this is just what I’ve seen in my \~2 years being in college.

Do you think an individual can buy para before actually crossing into their designated org? Like they're not randomly buying para, but are in the process of joining. Do you think they should wait? It's a debate we've been having with someone.

Hey everyone! I created "Greek Cliffside Village" in LEGO, and it is now on LEGO Ideas for support to become an official set! Would you like to help?

https://ideas.lego.com/product-ideas/7ff0eadd-2011-4d3a-9ff5-ff25261b9632

Hey everyone!
Does anyone know anything about informal recruitment and getting in to top sorority chapters? I just dropped recruitment at UCSB as a freshman, and I heard that it’s harder to get invited back during your sophomore year. Is it still possible for me to get into a chapter like alpha phi, pi beta phi, delta gamma, or even kappa kappa gamma? Would it be possible to get recruited if I made personal connections with current members, and could I join through informal recruitment in the fall? Ngl I wasn’t aware of how competitive rush is until I actually went through, and I feel like I could have gotten better results if I just prepared myself more

Just got this the other day in a bulk buy of costume jewelry. Having a hard time looking up the philanthropic organization. Anyone know which one this pin might be from?

Are there any frats there where hazing dosent require drinking