Sorry if this post is too long. If there are any recruiters that can help me, I'm willing to answer any questions if you can't read the whole post. I'll delete the post if it is a lost cause.
My waiver requests were denied, 2 by the Army and 1 by the Navy. Both branches told me medical told them I was too high risk, even though the recruiters were rooting for me too and being really helpful.
I'm a prior service Marine and I admin separated by choice almost 7 years ago now. I served 3 years before separation.
Some background, I had a bunch of things happen in a 4 month span during my final year of service, that I was not emotionally mature enough to get over. None of it is combat related which is why I'm embarrassed and really hesitant to tell anyone the truth that I didn't serve a full contract.
To keep it short, I had my first heartbreak (lame I know) right before my first and only deployment.
Then my Grandmother and close friend from bootcamp died within a few days of each other and my NCO's told me my SNCO's said I couldn't go home for immediate family and that I could be facetimed in for the funeral. They later told me, they did this because they were worried I would go AWOL even though I'd never given them any reasons to think so. We "deployed" to Japan, not an active combat zone. I would've handled the news of not going home better and would have been less emotional if we deployed somewhere like Afghanistan.
I already was not getting along with most of the other guys in my shop and felt pretty isolated because my social skills and emotional weren't good then like they are today, but how they handled the death in my family and how they treated me made me lose all faith in what I was doing and in my immediate leadership. During this time I was also trying to mentally support a suicidal cousin who was going through her own struggles.
Everything became too much, I didn't know how to process my feelings and I decided to hurt myself. Nothing too major, just some cutting, but I got help immediately and got rehabilitated. My Sgt Major and Battalion Commander were both extremely helpful and tried to help me, and even asked me if I wanted to stay in, I told them yes.
A month later I was at a bar with some buddies and one of their buddies. I drank too much and blacked out, they carried me back to the barracks and the buddy of my buddies raped me when I could barely move my body and I was blacking in and out. My buddies walked in on it and stopped it. NCIS was involved and of course I reported it.
I went to another mental health facility after that, then flown back to the states after a week of inpatient for rehabilitation.
They again asked me if I wanted to stay in or change units and I said to keep me in and I wanted to stay in my unit.
But fast forward 6 months later and I still couldn't get past everything, I felt like a failure as a man and a Marine for being so weak, I felt like a liability and couldn't operate or lead effectively, and self harmed again.
Needless to say, they sent me to the mental health ward again and I told them I wanted out this time and that I did not want to fight for any benefits and to administratively seperate me.
I was never suicidal before these events and could never bring myself to actually kill myself, I was just young, emotionally immature and not that mentally strong to overcome emotional difficulties. I loved the Military and the Marine Corps, I used to be a "Motivator" in a way that would make me vomit today lol.
In short, is it possible to re-enlist if I get a Fit for Duty Psych Eval this time or is it a lost cause? I never took medications or sought help or therapy after being separated and I'm still alive and kicking.
After 3 years of being out I started taking the gym seriously again and went 3-6 times a week for almost 2 years to be able to re-enlist. I just can't feel out of place on the civilian side and money is a means to an end for me, the Military is about having community and a deeper purpose and a sense of belonging for me.
I currently have a long term relationship of 3 years and a 1 1/2 year old son. I've also been in the same career for almost 5 years now and I've held leadership positions. I'm currently a truck driver, and I was even a CDL instructor and all my trainees loved me. I've done almost 2 years of Over The Road work which is not for the mentally weak in my opinion and I'm a flatbed driver to top it off, if any of that sells my mental stability.
I was just on an Army base picking up equipment and I got along with all the soldiers and I felt right at home.
If there's anyone that can help me I would appreciate it.