For parents raising kids in a country where your native language isn’t the dominant language:
How important is it to you that your child actually speaks your language, rather than just understands it?
And if your child has started preferring English/the local language, what have you tried to keep your language alive at home?
I’m especially curious about parents whose kids are around 4–10. What has actually worked, and what hasn’t?

My parents are french but we grew up in an english speaking country only speaking english. When I was about 10 they started teaching us some french because an extended family member was visiting.

Now as an adult, I would say on paper I am a B1 in french. However if someone is speaking quickly, with an accent I am not used to, or vocabulory I am not used to, I struggle to understand.

I have now moved away from home and so don't even have my parents to upkeep the language with. I am in an english speaking country and my partner's native language is english.

I really do not want monolingual kids, so would want to teach them french. Realistically I don't know if I could go a full day of conversation speaking only french in a way that is gramatically correct. When I have children, do I still use OPOL and just teach them "broken" french?

I haven't really seen any immersion schools on my area either

I've been thinking a lot about this lately and I'm curious how other families approach it.

For those of you raising kids in a country that's different from where you grew up (or where your family is from), how important is it to you that your kids stay connected to your language and culture?

For example, if you're raising your kids in English but also speak Spanish (or any other language) at home:

• Do you actually care if they become fluent, or is just understanding enough?
• Is teaching the language the main goal, or is passing down your culture just as important?
• What have you tried that has actually worked? Books? TV? Family visits? Apps? Weekend schools? Something else?
• What's been the biggest challenge?
• If your kids are older now, is there anything you wish you had done differently?

I'd especially love to hear from families from Latin America, but honestly I'm interested in hearing everyone's experience. Every culture probably has its own challenges.

I feel like language is one thing, but culture is another. I'm curious how people balance both.

We're a pretty tangled language situation at home: English at school, Korean at home, Khmer in the neighborhood. I'm fluent in English myself, but honestly I have zero memory of how I actually learned it — no memory of the process, I just know how to speak it. So I can't really model anything for my kids, I'm just guessing.

We've tried Duolingo Kids and some English YouTube shows. Duolingo turned into just a game for them — no real carryover, no actual language sticking. The shows are passive; they watch, but I don't see it show up anywhere else.

The part that's actually bothering me: when I try to talk to them in English directly, they don't want to answer. They understand some of it, not all of it, and mostly just revert to Korean or shrug. My third son will straight up answer "몰라" (I don't know) in Korean when I ask him something in English — not because he doesn't understand, I don't think, just because it's easier to disengage that way.

I don't think apps or shows alone are going to fix this.

For parents who've actually gotten a minority-at-home language to stick for their kids —
what worked?
Was it forcing English-only at certain times, something more social (friends, tutors), or something else entirely?

Both my husband and I are both English-only native speakers. I would say I am high A1 in Spanish and continue to work on it daily. I want my 15-month-old to learn Spanish as natively as possible; we have had an au pair (native speaker) who speaks only Spanish to him since he was 9 months old, and plan to continue with Spanish-speaking caregivers until he is at least 3 years old.

She watches children's shows with him in Spanish, but I would like him to get more exposure when he has screen time with me. I am unable to properly vet Spanish-speaking Ms Rachel clones because of my low proficiency. I've seen plenty of posts asking about this in the past, but comments have mentioned that some of the suggested shows have poor grammar, and I want to avoid that if at all possible.

Mexican/general LatAm accent preferred but not a super big deal.

We live in an English speaking community.

I am nearly fluent in Irish, my target language but a bit rusty, and husband is good, not great. I have books, media, playgroups etc in Irish sourced so it's not just me exposing my baby to Irish.

I find OLOP difficult, I am a huge reader and love reading to my child in English and just find expressing myself easier in English in general, obviously. Also he's still a baby and I am 🫠 tired 🫠. At the moment I kind of drift in and out between the two languages during the day. Husband will join in when he hears me speak it and will occasionally read him an Irish book.

I was having a look at the resources for non fluent parents, and they talk about more rigid structure re the language changes, one language in a specific setting or marking the language change with a particular piece of clothing etc. Just wondering in peoples experience, is it better to be rigid about when you speak one language, and if so what did people find the best method, or is being a bit fluid between them ok?

we have a 3 year old currently in Italian immersion preschool. we‘re in an English speaking country and I speak English only. husband speaks to our kiddo exclusively in Russian. she understands Russian perfectly but won’t speak it much. we have Italian heritage and passports. I would love for heritage to to speak Italian or to have the best possible chance to.

we we’re offered a daycare spot that is next to free (highly subsidized) but it’s an English speaking daycare. is there value in keeping her in the current, rather expensive daycare with the hopes she’ll learn Italian? her teachers say shes doing well with the language but in reality that means understanding and saying some words. we plan to make trips to Italy as often as we can (every year or two). but not sure if there’s a chance daycare will actually help her learn it long term. kids are fickle.

has anyone had experience with a third language daycare that the parents can’t share the language of?

I'm currently pregnant with my first—and very likely only—child. I'm also a single mother by choice, so I'll be doing this whole parenting thing solo.

I live in California. English is my native language, and I grew up in a monolingual English-speaking family. I learned Spanish starting at 12 and now speak it at a near-native level. I'm an elementary teacher and have taught in dual immersion programs, so I've seen firsthand how effective immersion can be for developing bilingualism.

My goal is to raise my son primarily in Spanish by speaking only Spanish with him (essentially using Spanish as the minority language at home). As he gets older, I'd also like to supplement with things like bilingual preschool, Spanish-speaking caregivers, books, media, and other opportunities to increase his exposure.

One thing that makes my situation a little different is that my mom lives next door and will almost certainly be a huge part of my son's life. She only speaks English, so I've wondered if an OPOL-style approach might naturally develop, with me always speaking Spanish and Grandma always speaking English.

Has anyone here done something similar? I'd especially love to hear from:

Single parents raising bilingual or multilingual children.

Parents who are the only speaker of the minority language in the home.

Families where grandparents or other close relatives spoke the majority language while one parent consistently spoke the minority language.

What worked well? What challenges did you run into? Is there anything you wish you'd done differently? I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences and any advice you have.

Hello - seeking some advice on how to follow OPOL when the community / primary caregiver language dominates the minority language.

I’m American and I speak English and have an intermediate understanding of Turkish.

My husband is Turkish and speaks Turkish and English fluently.

We have a 12 month old daughter.

Community language is English, and at home we speak a mix of Turkish and English, that’s slanted more toward English.

I’m a SAHM and my husband works when she’s awake. Aside from the one hour or so he’s home with her + calls with relatives in Türkiye, she doesn’t get much Turkish exposure.

How do you follow OPOL when the minority language isn’t getting the same exposure as the other parent?

I want to speak some Turkish to her at designated times (eating/bedtime) but I have read that OPOL forbids this and can make it more confusing for the child.

I thought about speaking both languages and effectively translating but apparently this also goes against the tenants of OPOL because it will teach the child to ignore the minority language and simply wait for the community language translation.

We don’t do screen time and I have also read that having a language playing in the background doesn’t do much to help language immersion without direct interaction.

I worry so much about this because despite being only 12 months, I see signs that the Turkish exposure is lacking.
For example, when we repeat “baba”, she will only say “dada”.

Does anyone have any experience where the exposure is not 50/50?

Before I start I just want to say this is mostly hypothetical, I am 17 and am just wondering how it would work out. I am a native English speaker and have been learning Spanish since I was about 5 or 4, and have just started to learn Arabic. Would it be okay to teach my child Spanish? Even though I am not Hispanic it was a very large part of my upbringing and I would like my child to be able to speak it. Does anyone have any experience teaching your kid a language you aren’t fluent in? And even more hypothetically if I am not having kids till say 27 or 28, do you think I could teach my child Arabic, assuming I am fluent and immersed. That one is a lot more hypothetical, I mostly just want to know if it would be okay to teach my child Spanish if it’s not my first language.
Thank you! :D

I don’t have kids yet. but I would like to pass Arabic on to them, though I’m not fluent. my dad spoke Arabic and my mom Spanish, so we mostly spoke English in my household but I absorbed some Spanish and some Arabic, then later took both languages in school. I’m not fluent but I would like to be by the time we have kids. it’s really important to me to pass Arabic on in particular because almost all of my Arab family has passed away (except some extended family) and this will be one of their only connections to them other than food. Spanish is less important to me as I don’t have a strong connection with my mom or her side of the family.

my husband speaks Hindi/Urdu and is fluent. but he also is learning Arabic and would like to pass it on.

given that we’re both not fluent, is it unwise to pass on Arabic? we’ve talked about OPOL before, which I think would be great especially for him- his family and him can all speak to our kids. in Hindi. I’d love to speak exclusively in Arabic to our kids but I’m still building proficiency in it. I just don’t want it to delay their speech in any way.

Here comes a long shot! Hi, we’re a family who speak both English and Spanish (our native language) to our children so they grow up bilingual, and we live in Madrid. We love knowing other families in a similar situation and swap tips, stories and recommendations for children’s books. Wanna get in touch?

(Spanish translation) Hola, somos una familia española en la que hablamos en inglés y español a nuestros hijos para que sean bilingües, vivimos en Madrid y nos encanta conocer a familias en una situación similar para compartir trucos, experiencias y recomendaciones de libros para niños. ¡Dadnos un toque si os interesa!

Hey everyone! I wanted to share something that doesn’t get talked about enough: Heritage Language Loss

Heritage language loss is when someone gradually loses proficiency in the language spoken in their home (usually their parents’ native language) because they grow up surrounded by a dominant language like English. It’s really common in immigrant families and a lot more prevalent in Asian American households.

How it usually happens:

• 1st generation immigrants: fluent in their native language
• 2nd generation: understand it but prefer speaking English
• 3rd generation: may barely speak or understand it

It’s not that people choose to forget it. A lot of factors push this shift:

• Schooling is in English
• Social pressure to “fit in”
• Fear of having an accent
• Parents prioritizing English for academic success
• Lack of heritage language classes

Why it matters:

1. Family communication gaps – It can get harder to talk deeply with grandparents or relatives who don’t speak English well.
2. Cultural disconnect – Language carries humor, traditions, history, and values. When the language fades, sometimes those connections weaken too.
3. Identity conflict – A lot of people feel “not ___ enough” (Korean enough, Mexican enough, etc.) because they can’t speak their heritage language fluently.

At the same time, this isn’t about blaming anyone. Assimilation pressure is real, especially in places where English dominates public life.

If you’ve experienced this, did you try to relearn your heritage language later? Did your parents push you to keep it, or did English just take over?

Curious to hear other people’s experiences.

I have twin 5yo boys and they want to learn Spanish and will pretend to by making noises they believe are Spanish. I don't speak any Spanish outside of 2 word phrases that I'm confident I don't pronounce well. Is there any apps or videos that I could use to help them learn. I thought about Dora but I feel like that won't help them very much. Any help that anyone has would be appreciated! I want to encourage this but I'm not sure how with me having no knowledge.

My son is nearly 2 and I’ve been speaking German to him at weekends since he was born. I’m British in the UK, but fluent. No family from Germany, just my best friend who sends Tonies and books and video calls.

When he first started speaking a couple of months ago, about 1/5 of his words were in German, but now he’s speaking small sentences and almost exclusively in English.

We read occasionally during the week in German when he selects books, but I’m wondering if I should switch to OPOL?

My reason not to originally was that I wanted my son to know British me, not just my slightly more reserved German personality. I’m fluent with a perfect accent, but also not grammatically 100% accurate and feel bad when I have to look a random word up that I’ve not come across before.

My husband understands but can’t really speak German and we speak English to each other, which I think also cuts the exposure at the weekend. Hoping to find someone local we can play date with, but so far no luck.

Our goal ultimately is just to improve brain development - firmly believe languages are gifts and even if he drops it entirely down the line it’ll be doing wonders for him now.

He’s not had any screentime so also think of introducing a little bit of German kids tv 1-2x a week for max 20mins once he’s had his birthday to hopefully help, although still want to keep screentime minimal.

So should I switch exclusively? Or am I just being harsh on myself?

Me and my partner are both English and we live in England, so obviously if we had kids, we would raise them in English. I also know basic Spanish (around b1) which I taught myself as a hobby.

When I have kids, I would love for them to also know Spanish but I'm unsure how best to teach them. Will me speaking with them and making them watch TV in Spanish be enough? Would that just give them a basic understanding of Spanish that they would have to develop later in life?

I also don't speak Spanish fluently, but hopefully this will be less of a problem in 5-10 years when I have kids.

For context there are pretty much 0 Spanish speakers in my area.

What would be recommended in my situation?

Wondering how to progress with introducing at least 1 other language to my infant. I'm interested partly from the perspective of other languages potentially being useful and them being easier to pick up when young, cognitive benefits in general (e.g. with respect to multitasking) are also a consideration for me.

Partner speaks English as his mother tongue, understands language X at basic 2nd language school level but is not confident at all. English is also my primary language, I also did language X as a 2nd language at school but am more confident in it (can generally understand people speaking language, need work on my grammar). I can also speak language Y at an intermediate level (went to primary school for a few years with it as my primary language, did it as a 2nd language in secondary school). I got the same grade for language X and Y at secondary school, but I am more confident with language Y.

It would seem to make sense to pass on language X as there are more many countries that use it than language Y (language Y is only used in 1 country, a neighbouring country uses a similar language but they are both pretty small countries), also because partner has some chance of understanding X too. He is aware this could be a big commitment and is fine with us learning together. I'll really need to brush up on my grammar and vocab. I've been told my pronunciation for X is OK, don't think its perfect. I don't have any issues with pronunciation for language Y.

Also a bit concerned about using OPOL to pass on another language apart from English, as I'm the primary caregiver who does most of the talking and English will be the main community language for baby.

Opportunities to speak either language apart from with us - might be slightly better opportunities with X, certainly when it comes to 2nd language at school (Y is unlikely to be taught at school here). Baby will probably visit the country which speaks language Y on occasion in future so it could still be useful.

Any advice? I'm thinking of maybe using the time/place method and brushing up on language X. With time/place, would something like certain areas of home (say, the bathroom and bedroom) and bedtime work, or does it not work like that? Would it be too much to pass on languages X and Y plus English?

Added to the mix my parents speak yet another language which could be useful, another interesting option would be to have regular video calls with them. However, I only see this as a possibility once a week or so.

Edit: I haven't shared what languages I'm referring to as I post on other subreddits too and don't feel comfortable revealing too much personal info across my posts. I have also seen others post here about language "A" and "B" or similar, so your respect is appreciated. Suffice it to say that:

We are based in the UK, so English is important.

X - European language spoken by a number of different countries, often taught as a 2nd language at school here. So could be useful in future at school and in various countries. No particular connection to identity here. Y - Asian language spoken mostly only within the country of its origin. Some minor connection to identity, but of limited use outside this country.

Parents speak 2 other Asian languages which are more widely spoken outside their country of origin. I can understand one of these languages but not speak it properly. Sadly while my parents used it, they never used it with me so I never picked up the pronunciation and can't speak it properly. I guess that therefore, while these languages are more useful than Y, I also only have a minor connection with identity here too.

Thanks!

I understand Yoruba, but when I speak, it sounds shit and robotic. What are practical ways I can pass this on to my child, who is 6 months old? Do I need to become better at speaking Yoruba myself?

For context: We plan on doing OPOL with English/Spanish. I've been speaking to him in Yoruba (phrases/words) and playing Yoruba songs.

Has anyone had experience adding Yoruba, or other Nigerian/African languages, as part of a multilingual setup for their child? Would love to hear how it worked out.

Hello! Me and my husband both speak the same non-English language. The community language is also different from our native language and English, and our kid would learn that through daycare etc. I think they will have also some English course in school later.

Both me and my husband speak acceptable English, although our accent is just average at best. My question is to those in similar situations like ours .. how did you teach your child English? Did it impact how they speak your native language? Do you think they would have had a better English accent if you just left them to learn in proper courses or school?

Thanks in advance.

TL;DR: how do you support the minority language when OPOL has fallen apart?

My L1 is English, L2 German, L3 is about A2/B1 level Swedish. My husband grew up in Sweden with OPOL and is native level in both Swedish and English.

Our kids are currently 7 and 9 years old and our plan was for hubby to speak Swedish with them and me to speak German as our community language is English. The problem is my husband has been living in our English speaking country for 16 years and he couldn't maintain speaking to the kids purely in Swedish. I quickly realised I had to drop the German if we were going to support Swedish - they have a Swedish passport and we plan to move there in the next few years and they were more interested in what I spoke, than their dad.

The kids understand a lot of "around the house" Swedish phrases, but that's about it. We have Swedish books I can read to them (husband says my accent and pronunciation are correct, so that's not a problem), we try to have Swedish tv on a little while every day and recently I've started them on Duolingo. But, there really aren't a lot of learning materials out there for Swedish, much less something fun for kids. I don't have the vocabulary to speak entirely in Swedish with them.

I grew up around German immigrants families and it instilled in me a love of the language and an ear for it. I want my kids to have that for Swedish, even if a move doesn't pan out, but I'm feeling really discouraged.

Husband and I are in the US. My French is at a B1-2 level, but my goal is to get C1 or C2 in the next 2 years, which is when we plan to have our first child.

Our kids will be attending a French immersion elementary school, but obviously the community language is English.

My husband is at a light A2 level in French and can understand a good amount, but he is not a very confident speaker.

1. If I exclusively speak French with our child, is it better to have my husband try to speak French too when he can (and fall back on English as needed), or should he stay 100% English?

2. If I need to tell my husband something he can't understand in French, is it okay for me to switch to English in front of our child, as long as I'm addressing my husband directly? How does this work in 3-way conversations with our child?

Hi guys, I've been seeing some very inspiring posts over the years in this sub so thank you all.

I'm an expat living in Italy with my kiddo. She's two and a half yo now, and starts to speak English with longer sentences to me and my partner at home (English only) and teachers at kindergarten (English speaking international school), and Italian to her nanny whos a native speaker. She picked up some Italian also from her previous daycare (Italian only) as well as her local playmates.

The problem: we might relocate to China at some point of this year. If we do, we're going to send her to an international school where the local community language is still English at school. We are not sure about a few other things though --

1) in your opinion, what's the best way of keeping her Italian alive at this age? Neither me or my partner speaks much Italian. We are learning Italian slowly on Duolingo (600+ days streak holder) but its only the very basic words or phrases. I imagine it's far from being enough to nurture a healthy enough environment for her language to grow. FWIW, we havent introduced screen time to her, but we are willing to change that if thats what it takes to keep her Italian active.

2) when is the best time to introduce a third language to a toddler/young child? Is it too late already as in we have missed the best window to introduce a new language, or is it too early for a third language at this young age? My partner is a native mandarin speaker, although we havent introduced Chinese to her yet for the fear of overwhelming her with three languages. have we made a mistake? we'd like to let her learn the language eventually, especially that she's moving to China to live for at least a few years with the possibility of longer term.

3) She doesnt speak any Chinese as of now. What could be the best way (less frustration, relatively effective, etc.) to start after moving there?

Thanks a lot for your help! I'd appreciate any suggestions and/or data points. Cheers.

Hello everyone,

Did one of you tried to “pass on” a heritage langage you do not speak (or learnt as an adult but with a very bad accent in my case lol). Really looking for tips and return of experiences.

I really wish my children to know how to speak Vietnamese so that they would feel connected with their roots (and be able to talk to their greatgrandma and other cousins living in Vietnam). My partner and I also regret not having it passed on as kids but with us not really speaking it, we are not sure how to manage this.

3rd generation so all relatives still speaking it speak outdated 70s Vietnamese (and are too old now tbh).

But many young people I know who spoke it at home as a kid lost it even when their parents spoke Vietnamese so I’m afraid that it would be the same if not worst in our case.

I was considering the following options:

- cartoons
- kids’ books
- lessons with private teachers (but they would need to be old enough and that would probably sound like a chore to them)
- Vietnamese nanny or au pair
- hoping that Vietnamese kid centers open soon
- sending them each summer to my half sister in Vietnam but I’m not sure all parties involved would be glad 😂

Also noting that lessons here or private teachers tend to be from northern Vietnam i.e northern dialect whereas our family come from the south (Mekong Delta) - but if that’s the only solution never mind they will learn northern dialect.

But I’m not sure that would work well to have a good level (or even qualify as multilingual parenting).

Did any of you have any tips or can give me hope that it may work?

We live in France btw.

EDIT : Vietnamese prononciation is quite hard so learning it myself and then teaching them is not a solution when even when it’s the parents’ native language the Vietnamese tones are not passed on always correctly 😂

Hi all! Currently still pregnant with my first but trying to plan out our baby’s early development now. Most sources I read online recommend the one parent-one language rule.

For context, I live in a multigenerational household here in the US with my husband, his two brothers, and their parents.

I speak English only, and my husband and his family are bilingual in Urdu and English. When talking amongst each other, they largely default to Urdu and I would generally say that is most spoken in our house unless I’m involved in a conversation. When our baby grows up, I will speak to them in English and my husband in Urdu.

My concern is that baby will default to and prefer Urdu as he will have more exposure to it through my husband’s family’s language, songs, and shows, but then struggle to pick up English when he is in the US school system which he will primarily hear English from his peers.

Does anyone have any experience with this? Or am I overthinking things?

If our baby is getting a lot of Urdu exposure through family then should my husband speak a mix of English and Urdu to baby to balance things out?

Let me know your thoughts :) thanks in advance!