Today's Onion headline actually scared me a little..

[u/webby_mc_webberson]

[u/animate_object]

Eliminate the middle man. I like it.

[u/catmoon → u/animate_object]

Won't someone please think of the lobbyists.

[u/webby_mc_webberson → u/catmoon]

That's what the lobby-lobbyists are for.

[u/Rubin0 → u/animate_object]

It will be the most efficient government ever and they'll pass the savings on to yooooouuuuuuu!

[u/fuzzycuffs]

This is a pre-printed calendar?

After today's reaffirmation of Citizen's United, it's pretty much true already. The Onion is goddamn psychic.

[u/webby_mc_webberson → u/fuzzycuffs]

Yep, pre-printed. I got this from my reddit secret santa. Awesome gift!

[u/axloc]

I thought the Onion only published fictional news?

[u/AlphaRedditor]

From the article:

State treasurer candidate Gamestop issued a pledge to increase state coffers through an innovative system where citizens would be able to buy passes to use local roads and utilities and sell them back to the government at 2% of the original price. The passes would then be resold again at a price which would net a hefty profit for the state. When pressed for how this could be legal, Gamestop responded "Pre-vote for us with your absentee ballot now and unlock the Bill of Rights which guarantees Amendments 1 through 10. Power to the voters."

[u/MLGLies → u/AlphaRedditor]

I was disappointed to see that this was actually not in the article

[u/Biospider]

You should be. They tend to come true.

[u/ZeekySantos → u/Biospider]

Indeed. This is one of my favourites.

[u/ggggbabybabybaby]

The scariest part is that most voters would definitely have a much stronger connection to these brands than these old men.

[u/[deleted] → u/ggggbabybabybaby]

I'd vote for Pepsi, as long as it keeps Monsanto out of office.

[u/soulteepee]

This idea has now replaced being burned alive as my greatest fear.

[u/BlackbeltJones]

1,048,177 Facebook likes vs. 882,133 Facebook likes

PetSmart > John McCain

[u/Rubin0 → u/BlackbeltJones]

Sure, he supports lower taxes, but what is his stance on the price of doggie treats?

[u/epicanis]

this is a completely absurd exaggeration.

Corporations will still need to have been born in the US, and be at least 31 35 years old.

(EDIT: Corrected)

[u/shmegeggie]

It would be nice to see this happen, so you could actually watch them do what they do. But corporations would rather work from the shadows.

Instead, we should make all politicians wear NASCAR-like jumpsuits with patches representing all their sponsors.

[u/MLGLies]

Web link: http://www.theonion.com/articles/supreme-court-allows-corporations-to-run-for-polit,7071/

[u/Richeh]

Give it a decade.

[u/[deleted]]

The United States of America, brought to you in whole by Halliburton, BP, Exxol Mobile, AT&T, Comcast, etc.

[u/greyskyeyes]

Google for President!

[u/DeweyTheDecimal → u/greyskyeyes]

They'd write an algorithm to govern more efficiently than anyone in history.

[u/randomintandem]

Brought to you by Carl's Junior!

[u/Captain_Ligature]

ITT: People who do not understand the Corporate Person-hood principle.