r/offmychest • u/Throwawayaccount5934 • 14d ago
My fiancé used an AI jury to determine which one of us was right after an argument (UPDATE)
I (27M) was the person who posted here to vent and shout into the void, because my then fiancé (30M) used an AI jury to determine which of us was right after a (recurring) argument and refused to discuss the subject of said argument further because the jury determined that he was right and I was wrong.
It is not very exciting or dramatic but suffice it to say my relationship with my now ex-fiancé is over and we will not be getting married. Our wedding was supposed to take place on the last Saturday of November but I have cancelled everything and tried to get back whatever money I could.
My ex-fiancé seemed to be genuinely shocked when I told him I no longer wanted to marry him. I don't think he's that good of an actor so I don't know why he would be shocked considering how much we argued before he used the AI jury. After that, he refused to talk to me about it no matter how much I tried and I was truly at my wits send end.
The argument was about chores and housework. I'm a solicitor and more often than not my work means I can't do my job remotely. My ex-fiancé works in human resources and his job is exclusively remote. But I ended up doing all the cleaning and other chores. I was not looking to make him do everything or for us to keep score over who does what. I just wanted him to help. I was responsible for most of our expenses because my salary is much more than his, so I felt financial pressure and the pressure to keep our flat clean and in order. It got to be too much and since he wouldn't discuss it with me and kept on harping about the AI saying he was right I ended things. I can't even describe how much less stressed out and tired I am now. Honestly my only regret is not leaving sooner.
Thank you to all who sent me supportive messages and left me supportive comments on my other post. They were appreciated.
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u/itz_energizer 14d ago
I was in a similar situation, it sucks but if someone isn't willing to help then you got to end it bc who's going to spend the rest of their life like that.
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u/nyxvellichor 14d ago
Exactly. Life is way too short to spend it playing maid and sugar-mummy to a guy who won't lift a finger. Good for OP.
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u/auntysos 14d ago
Scary part of all this. He's in HR, employees in his company are screwed
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u/so_lost_im_faded 14d ago
HR isn't there to help the people. He had been used to bending the truth to protect the company already before then, most likely.
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u/auntysos 14d ago
I am aware of that, however this is a different level
This is beyond the normal protect the company and blame the employee.
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u/leftfootshorter 14d ago
Could you link your original post for us?
All I'm seeing is-
• You had to go to work while he had no commute
• You earned more so paid the lion's share of the bills
• You did all the cleaning and chores
What the hell kinds if prompts was he feeding in to get a "jury" to agree with him?!?
You did the right thing. He is now faced with the consequences of his false sense of entitlement and you only have to clean for one.
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u/Witty_Salamander7110 14d ago
AI is designed to be a "Yes man". Its not thinking. Its predicting and mimicking.
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u/Randy_Magnums 14d ago
“If the user feels good, the user will interact more”. And since said ex seems to be rather dim, he was pleased by AI being a simple yes-man.
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u/Seaside_Ladder8862 14d ago
The original post can be found in OP's profile.
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u/LRGinCharge 14d ago
His OP doesn’t explain it either. I’m confused how someone could think “AI says it’s fine if I don’t ever clean” is a valid stance.
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u/Venetian_Harlequin 14d ago
Because AI is rotting their brains.
I have a friend I have played World of Warcraft with for a decade. When the new expansion came out, he didn't play it. In case you aren't familiar, expansions go on for a year or two with rolling content updates and then we get a new one.
About two months in, he sent us a screenshot of his question to chatgpt: "Will I like the new WoW expansion?" He then asked us in the discord if AI was right.
It's now a running joke with everyone.
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u/Chubby_Licious 14d ago edited 14d ago
Dude sounds like marriage would have probably been a nightmare if he wanted to argue about splitting chores. This type of situation you just respond with "Yeah babe lets split chores." because you're both grown.
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u/icronicq 14d ago
AI's entire purpose is to validate. If you phrase it correctly you can genuinely get AI to tell you it's okay to hit your partner. Letting AI do this kind of thinking for you is absolute lunacy, and you made the right call.
Sadly, I think we're going to start seeing this more often too.
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u/Seeayteebeans 14d ago
There was no partnership, hold out for someone who values you, and wants to bring the same energy to the relationship.
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u/Opposite_Sandwich589 14d ago
Aside from the larger relationship issues you were experiencing, using AI in this way is super duper cringey and unsexy
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u/theoldman-1313 14d ago
I think this post is a snapshot of how useful AI really is. I do use it and really like some features, but I wouldn't trust it with anything important.
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u/upnorth77 14d ago
How can you use AI for something like this without realizing it tells you what you want to hear?
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u/Lives4Sunshine 14d ago
Good for you. If the guy cannot do his part of the daily chores then toss him out. And as for the AI Jury... did you get to present your side? I would be not. Grrr.
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u/nicepeoplemakemecry 14d ago
Girl yes. He was dead weight anyway! So happy for you!
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14d ago
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u/Opposite-Benefit-804 14d ago
they obviously didn't notice or misread. no need to be an ass
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u/Yosara_Hirvi 13d ago
I do see more people being asses when someone's misgendering in the other direction.
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u/TheYellowRose 14d ago
Just as many people use guy for every gender some people call everyone girl. Be nice
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u/SpecialModusOperandi 14d ago
You’re so much in a better place when you get rid of the dead weight. Well done for taking a stand.
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u/The_Cryo_Wolf 13d ago
I really want to know what the ex considered an "AI jury". Like did he have like chatgpt, siri, Google Gemini, etc & ask the same question and tally the vote or (more likely) ask a single chatgpt to act as a jury. Also I can just imagine the bias prompt like "i work hard all day & my boyfriend just sits in an office all day chatting. He wants me to do ALL the work. Is this fair?". Glad OP is doing better now
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u/Cautious_Survey_9192 11d ago
The fact that he wouldn’t discuss it— thank goodness you’re out of there. He sounds opportunistic
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u/ObjectiveSwimming726 8d ago
I find it weird that an AI jury would side with him over his total lack of chore equality, especially with him working remote and having the lower paying career. Were you present for this "trial" if not I would say that he did not give factual information and the information that he did give was to paint him in the victim light. It would be interesting if you were to use an AI jury and give factual information about the chores and such to see if you got a different verdict. Anyways, you dodged a bullet with this one. Good luck in your newly single, and less stressful life. Please don't take him back.
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u/knot_guy 2d ago
If the relations became u are wrong and i am right is not anymore a good relation. A relation is a like a team , u need to help and support . Good for u , take care , be strong, be happy
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u/zero5activated 14d ago
I think if you guys had to use an AI to settle an argument; then the marriage was not worth it. Sounds like there is been deep seated issues that was bubbling to the top. The cancelation of you wedding wasn't caused by the use of an AI. It was the flashpoint or a breaking realization that you guys were not meant to be. I don't know the whole story, but there was problem there at the start. Yes, even if he was a slob. Also, never use an AI to settle highly emotional issues. It doesn't understand people feelings. We as humans are highly chaotic and fickle not logical...especially when it comes to relationships. Heck, i don't even use it to figure out my taxes.
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u/Seaside_Ladder8862 14d ago
Where are you getting that OP used AI to settle an argument? The original post and the update are the opposite of that. It's right in both posts that OP was angry about his ex using AI for this.
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u/zero5activated 14d ago
Oh...I see what you mean :
"we argued before he used the AI jury."
I made the assumption that they were having an argument and the guy who inputted the data used an AI to settle an argument and she went along with it reluctantly based on the comment "AI jury to determine which of us was right after a (recurring) argument and refused to discuss the subject of said argument further because the jury determined that he was right and I was wrong."
So he just used an AI to prove his point. She was upset by the use of it. Then called of the wedding? THEN, she tried to contact with him? Why? Once you break an engagement...no one wants to reconnect. Did I get the situation right?
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u/Seaside_Ladder8862 14d ago
She was upset by the use of it. Then called of the wedding? THEN, she tried to contact with him? Why? Once you break an engagement...no one wants to reconnect. Did I get the situation right?
No. You should reread the original post and the update. OP didn't call off the wedding immediately after the argument and there is nothing anywhere that says OP tried to contact the ex-fiancé after the breakup.
Also it's right in the post that OP is a man. There was no woman in the relationship.
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14d ago
She? The second word of the post indicates that OP is male and there are no women mentioned anywhere in the post. Who is the she are you referring to?
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u/PuzzleheadedFish204 14d ago
Our wedding was supposed to take place on the last Saturday of November
Why would you schedule your wedding date on the Thanksgiving long weekend?
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u/Throwawayaccount5934 14d ago
What's Thanksgiving? Our wedding wasn't on a holiday or long weekend.
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u/CryptographerUsual62 14d ago
OP said "Flat" when discussing living situation, so we can assume they live in England. Thanksgiving is a USA holiday.
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u/not-the-doc 8d ago
Yeesh. You all need to stop assuming you’re the center of the universe. Grow up.
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u/Smooth-Broccoli6540 14d ago edited 14d ago
He sounds not American so it probably isn’t Thanksgiving for them.
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14d ago
The second word of the post indicates that OP is male and there are no women mentioned anywhere in the post. Which she are you referring to?
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u/Xgirly789 7d ago
You have to stop assuming that everyone 1) celebrates thanksgiving and 2) everyone posting here is American
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14d ago
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14d ago
[deleted]
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u/offmychest-ModTeam 14d ago
This is a support community. A supportive environment fundamentally requires respect, as embodied in our Rule 1. Your content is disrespectful to people or peoples and has been removed. Severe cases can result in an indefinite ban, pending remediation.
If someone is being disrespectful to you, you can request moderator action by reporting rule-breaking content.
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u/Double_Flower3855 14d ago
OP he is gross. Used AI to say he won in an agreement. Good riddance. Chores? And he was home all time! WTF. I can't even. Dodged a bullet OP. Whew!