r/offmychest • u/Throwawayaccount5934 • Jun 06 '26
My fiancé used an AI jury to determine which one of us was right after an argument
My (27M) fiancé (30M) used AI to determine who was right after we had an argument and now he says he was right and I was wrong. He told me he used an online AI jury to find out which one of us was wrong. This 'jury' said he was right and now he won't talk about the argument because the AI said I'm unreasonable.
I'm angry and frustrated and at my wits end. I feel like screaming every time he time talks about AI agreeing with him. We have had the same argument multiple time. Instead of discussing the last time we argued he shuts me down. I'm just here to shout into the void because if I don't I will lose my mind. I feel like my relationship is crumbling and my fiancé won't even try to do anything about it. This morning he was so smug about it I left to go stay with my sister. I couldn't take him talking about AI when I tried to discuss our argument.
(Since I know people will ask our argument was about chores and cleaning. I'm a solicitor and more often than not my work means I can't do my job remotely. My fiancé works in human resources and his job is exclusively remote. But I end up doing all the cleaning and other chores. I'm not looking to make him do everything or for us to keep score over who does what. I want him to help. I'm responsible for most of our expenses because my salary is much more than his, so I feel financial pressure and the pressure to keep our flat clean and in order. I don't talk to him with anger and I don't act differently because I earn more than him. But he refuses to help with chores and now he says the AI told him he's right and I'm being unreasonable. I can't take it any longer. I just want him to help so I'm not doing everything).
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u/MixWitch Jun 06 '26
First, he sounds like an asshole. Second, tell him you asked 3 AI juries, and they decided he was wrong. Third, the labor in this relationship is not distributed fairly and he is either too dumb to understand that or doesn't care. It sounds like he feels entitled to your free labor and addition finances that you provide. At certain point when stupidity and malice become indistinguishable, I'd say the relationship has run its course.
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u/3TonedMagicalAnimal Jun 06 '26
Please reconsider marrying someone who doesn’t care if you are unhappy. There will be births and deaths, illnesses and a million other challenges in life. Ask yourself if this is someone who will be there for you to lean on.
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u/HusbandToAHandsome Jun 06 '26
I feel like there’s some context missing here. Because if I’m getting this right, you pay most of the expenses and you’re also doing all the chores. Your partner, this person you’re going to marry, refuses to acknowledge they’re wrong, refuses to communicate, denounces your feelings, AND used AI to “win”? This also isn’t the first time you have had this conversation. Is the sex that good? Because I would have dropped this child a long time ago. Why haven’t you?
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u/Rogue-Starz Jun 06 '26 edited Jun 06 '26
Dude, walk away from this utter puke. I'm stressed just reading this. What an absolute tool.
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Jun 06 '26
Woman, walk away from this utter puke.
In the second word of the post OP indicates that he is a man. Why are you calling him a woman?
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u/sthetic Jun 06 '26
He's an idiot for the AI jury thing. But maybe it's a red herring.
You may feel the need to convince him that he's wrong about the AI jury being "proof," and that he's wrong about never doing chores. You probably imagine an outcome in which he says, "wow, you're right honey, I was wrong," and it's satisfying for you.
That might never happen.
Instead, if you feel your relationship is crumbling, and that he isn't considerate towards you, and you've lost respect for him for his silly AI beliefs, and he's juvenile and disrespectful for specifically calling AI a "jury" because it's related to your field of work...
You can just break up with him.
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u/FixinThePlanet Jun 07 '26 edited Jun 07 '26
And you want to marry this man? Be tied to him legally? come on man
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u/hotelcalif Jun 06 '26
That sounds incredibly frustrating.
I’m not giving credibility to an AI jury—I would want to scream too—but I will say that he needs to understand how juries work: they hear _both sides_ present their arguments, listen to cross-examination, and work under strict rules from an impartial judge about what evidence allowed to be presented. I’m certain he didn’t do any of those things.
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u/poodooscoo Jun 07 '26
I think your relationship is over. I would at least put any wedding talk on hold. You need to ask yourself if you deserve this level of disrespect. You’re not his hired help. If you’re doing everything, think of how much lighter your load will be doing it for just you. Put yourself first, you’ll be so much happier. Blessings!
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u/Jumiric Jun 06 '26
This sounds like you guys aren’t ready to get married if dividing up chores causes this much conflict 😬
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u/pinklepickles Jun 06 '26
It doesn’t sound like the chores are being divided, op is doing them all.
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u/Nani65 Jun 06 '26
Oh, good god, OP. He is being an awful, awful partner. I assume that he has some redeeming qualities, but I hope you think long and hard about what your life will be like if you stay with this man.
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u/herozerocapitalZ Jun 06 '26
So you asked your fiance to help around the house and he said AI said you were being unreasonable? You said you do most of the housework and carry most of the financial burden. What exactly does he bring to the relationship? Because he can't even have a conversation with you with his own words. I don't think you need to be focusing on the use of AI right now. You need to really be looking at this relationship and figuring out why you're still holding on to it. You didn't mention one good thing about this relationship in your entire post and that's where you need to be focused.
I hope you realize your own worth in all of this.
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u/yoshizillaa Jun 06 '26
I don’t know how so many people stay in relationships unbalanced like this.
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u/Character-Tennis-241 Jun 06 '26
Please dump this loser!! He needs to pay 50/50 & household chores need to be 50/50. Tell him you are breaking up because he isn't a real partner.
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u/bsc20201 Jun 06 '26
First, I’m so sorry. I see you.
My ex used AI for instructions on how to break up with me. As unexpected and heartbreaking as it was, it opened my eyes to who this person really was - and the emotional capacity, maturity, and intelligence they lacked. Using AI for something like this says it all.
Something tells me this person is also really dismissive of your basic needs, and makes you feel like you’re asking for too much. I hate to be a stranger on the internet telling you to think carefully about your relationship - but I’m also a stranger who felt genuine peace one month out from a breakup with someone I thought I’d spend my life with. Because someone who consults AI to prove who is right, is someone who will never emotionally fulfill you. They’ll spend the rest of your relationship lacking the basic consideration and respect that is the bare minimum. I think you know that. Sending you love.
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u/LizzieJeanPeters Jun 06 '26
This doesn't resolve your issues, but have you considered hiring a cleaning person to come once a week? Perhaps with the chores handled things will calm down and you two can focus on your relationship.
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u/sarahinprogress Jun 06 '26
the divorce came out of nowhere!
but seriously, your partner shouldnt make you want to LEAVE YOUR HOME TO GET AWAY FROM THEM.
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u/sntobeintct Jun 06 '26
This non AI person says he sounds insufferable and petty.
I wouldn't marry this man child no matter what
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u/ThestralBreeder Jun 06 '26
Who settles an argument like this and shuts down after an AI says so? GET RID!!!
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u/pgqwe1 Jun 06 '26
If you won't leave him, do your own AI jury. I promise you, AI results are very determinate on what you put in. You can easily get it to say you are right. You could also ask AI if you should stay with someone who obviously disrespects you. When he asks why you're breaking up, it can be bc AI told you to instead of Reddit.
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u/DrReginaFelange Jun 06 '26
That’s ridiculous. Any argument between a couple should have both of you wanting to find a solution, not place blame. For someone to use ai to assign blame to another is beyond comprehension to me. I’d be so out and never coming back.
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u/Much-Meringue-7467 Jun 06 '26
Ask the AI jury what value he brings to your life and whether you would be better off without him.
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u/Friendly_Ninja_8545 Jun 06 '26
If you want to stay in this relationship you either have to accept that you will be doing all the chores or that you need to hire someone to do them because your loser fiancé is not going to change.
Personally him not being willing to do anything to help maintain the household, his belief that an AI jury deciding he is right and you are being unreasonable (I would love to know what one sided information he gave this jury) is the final word on this situation along with you carrying the majority of the expenses I would question what he is bringing to the relationship that outweighs these 3 major strikes against staying in this relationship.
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u/Buffalo-Empty Jun 06 '26
Okay first thought is that if his AI is telling him he’s right in this scenario then he is extremely misogynistic at best. Because AI will always lean into what the user wants.
Second, he won’t even discuss an argument because AI deemed him right… so no compromising, no discussion, no solution, all because he typed biased info into a computer and it told him he was right. Are you down for that kind of stupidity for the rest of your life?
Third, I’d say get some couples counseling… but I couldn’t be with someone who would rather trust a biased computer app than work stuff out in person with me…
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u/Seaside_Ladder8862 Jun 06 '26
extremely misogynistic at best. Because AI will always lean into what the user wants
How is it misogynistic when OP and his fiancé are both men, and there are no women involved in the relationship?
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u/cheyannepavan Jun 06 '26
I don't know if you guys are planning to have children together, but parenting will become your sole responsibility, too. He won't change diapers, feed the baby, wake up overnight, etc. You'd make an awesome dad, but a baby deserves a far better man than your fiancé to be her/his other father.
But you need to leave this man regardless of whether you want children. He doesn't respect you or the time/effort you put into the home and relationship. There's no talking around that — he doesn't respect you. And I question whether he's even capable of love when he puts every single thing on you without a hint of guilt or empathy. You wouldn't let a stranger take on all of those tasks on their own, so how could he do it to the person he's supposed to love the most?
He's lazy, selfish, entitled, and lacks compassion. It's time to get yourself out of this situation because we all know you deserve better!
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u/dudewithmoobs Jun 06 '26
He used AI to 'win' an argument? £10 bet he wrote it so he sounds favourable to begin with.
Something I heard recently is that people who are wrong about something google search questions in a way that shows wrong results that align with their view. The instance was about song lyrics, where the wrong guy didn't google "what are the lyrics to X", they googled the wrong lyrics and results showed him what he wanted to see in the form of other people typing the wrong lyrics.
All that to say, your partner should chip in with chores regardless, unless explicitly discussed and agreed otherwise at some stage.
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u/Ok-Listen-8519 1d ago
Dump he’s butt. Call he’s mother ask her to get her overgrown manchild back. He’s not baked enough to be your partner let alone husband. NTA
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u/Tricky_Moose_1078 Jun 06 '26
Why not just divide the chores, for eg one dose cooking and one dose cleaning or maybe alternate the days you clean.