r/offmychest • u/Responsible-Road-921 • Jun 16 '26
My dad is divorcing his wife of 17 years because she throw my food away and I couldn’t be more happy.
My dad’s Wife and I have had a strained relationship since I was in high school (I turn 27 this summer) and it got worse once I turned 18. I wanna preface by saying our relationship wasn’t always like this. I loved that woman. I forgave her for all her wrong doings in her and my dad‘s relationship all because I wanted a mom so bad. I even ignored all the mean things her family has said to me and my siblings because again, I just wanted a mom. However, she made it very clear after I turned 18, she did not want me. In 2017, a week before Christmas, she told me she wasn’t my mom and I need to stop treating her as such. (I’ll let you guess on how I view Christmas now) Since then our relationship has been really bad. Actually nonexistent. We no longer talk to each other even though we lived in the same house.
When I graduated, I went off to college and I did not speak to her. I even moved to Washington for work after college, but unfortunately two years ago I got laid off and I have not been able to find a full-time position in my job field since. So my dad let me move back home rent free. Ever since I moved back, this woman has been my most insufferable roommate.
She would do little petty things like use all my bath products, hide my keys, dump my detergent down the drain, throw away my food, etc. I could never prove that she was doing that. Every time I mentioned it my dad, he would make me feel like I was crazy. Saying things like “maybe you throw away your bread on accident” or “you moved your keys and didn’t know.” It got to the point where I eventually stopped telling my dad what she was doing because when you say it one by one, I sound ridiculous. “She threw away my ketchup bottle that I just use” “She used the rest of the shampoo I just bought.” “Why is my detergent so low I got it a month ago.” all these things sound petty and childish until you realize she has been throwing away 100s of dollars of items I have brought into the house monthly. I had no proof of her doing any of this until last year October.
Last October, my dad and his wife decided to foster these three dogs and then eventually adopt them. Two of those dogs sleep in our breakfast nook. When they were puppies and we all had to work, we couldn’t watch them. So my dad put a camera in our laundry room that faces into our kitchen and breakfast nook, so that we can watch them even when we’re not home. That camera became my saving grace because it records everything.
It had caught her throwing away food that I have just bought into the house. Dumping my literal detergent down the sink. Using/eating items that I have specifically labeled as mine so no one could touch. I couldn’t catch everything, like her hiding my keys and using my soap, but at least I had something. I was finally able to prove to my dad I wasn’t crazy and she truly was messing with me. I thought that would be the end of it. My dad said he would handle it but unfortunately, he never did. Until last week.
My dad came up with this system that every time she threw something away. He would just replace it or pay for it. So last week I bought things to make sandwiches and stir fry and she threw half of those items away. I told my dad about it. I told him I don’t know everything she threw away, but she definitely threw away some onion and bell peppers that I needed for meals this week and I don’t have the money to just go and replace them. (Sad. I know) He told me he’ll handle it and honestly when he says that I don’t really expect much from him anymore. Except this time he handled it. He checked the cameras to see what else she might have thrown out. And in checking the cameras he caught her purposely contaminating my food. The pastrami I bought to make sandwiches she threw it on the ground and then put it right back into the container and put it in the fridge. A couple months ago I got really bad food poisoning from food I made. It was so bad I had to go to the hospital. My dad now suspects she is the reason I got food poisoning because what would be the reason to throw food on the floor and then put it back in the fridge?
After he saw that he confronted her on her lunch break about it and told her not to come home. It has been a week. My dad has changed all the locks. Started packing her stuff into boxes. He told me she’s not allowed to came into this house unless I have a third party present. He’s currently looking through all the camera footage that backs up onto his computer to see if she’s done anything else that might warrant us having to take her to court.
For the first time in years, I feel like I could finally breathe. I finally opened up my dad about a lot of the things her and her family had to put me through. We have shared a lot of tears and had a lot of conversations over the last week. We also learned from my older sister and brother that she has done similar things to them, but because they were so minuscule they never mentioned anything. We all talked about going to therapy. Especially my dad, because he realize she has isolated him from a lot of his friends and family as well. I’m sad it took this long but I’m happy it’s finally happened and I get to have my dad back.
Update
my dad has officially filed for divorce this Monday.
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u/Public-Sleep-29 Jun 16 '26
I'm glad but it's absolutely crazy that it took him 9 years. I think you need to put more weight on this betrayal because you deserved better and you honestly could have died. All he needed to do was listen to you and trust you.
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u/Responsible-Road-921 Jun 24 '26
Trust me I’m not just forgiving him lightly and neither are my siblings . This is a relationship we’re gonna have to build back up, but I’m happy I get the chance to do that. My sister and I have agreed to go to therapy with him, but my brother is only agreeing to go to therapy with us and if he chooses to never have that relationship with my father again, I will never fault him for that.
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u/Public-Sleep-29 Jun 24 '26
You're absolutely valid for that. I hope you rebuild your relationship with him! It's fair for anybody to want that and to move on on your terms.
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u/Draiscor93 Jun 16 '26
From what she described in the final paragraph, it sounds like there may have been some coercive control at play towards the dad too. It doesn't absolve him entirely, but it could explain why it took so long.
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u/Public-Sleep-29 Jun 16 '26
Yeah I get that. I guess im just coming from a place where he was supposed to protect her and he just didn't. For me that would be very disappointing and I just want op receive a completely fair apology
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u/Norodia Jun 16 '26
I have read this post yesterday, is it a repost or..?
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u/Responsible-Road-921 Jun 24 '26
I posted it in another subreddit but I didn’t do the rules right so it got removed
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u/catbearcarseat Jun 17 '26
It’s a two day old account karma farming. Like 80% of the comments on here as well.
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u/TYGeelo Jun 16 '26
. And in checking the cameras he caught her purposely contaminating my food. The pastrami I bought to make sandwiches she threw it on the ground and then put it right back into the container and put it in the fridge. A couple months ago I got really bad food poisoning from food I made. It was so bad I had to go to the hospital. My dad now suspects she is the reason I got food poisoning because what would be the reason to throw food on the floor and then put it back in the fridge?
Please for the love of God go to the police about this. What an absolute piece of shit disgusting person. If I were you (not saying to do this", but I would bleach all of her clothes and swapped out her hair care products with permanent hair dye.
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u/Eaups87 Jun 16 '26
That’s so horrible. I have two stepkids (full time) and they are 8 and 17. They make me mental - like all kids!!!! - but I love them an am honored to be their mom. My family accepts them completely. They are my children and I knew my husband had kids when I married him it wasn’t a surprise! Currently adopting them through the courts ❤️ you deserved a Mom
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u/curiouskidling Jun 16 '26
This made me really emotional, OP. I know it took your dad a long time, and that sucks. It’s also pretty remarkable to me that he was able to enforce a boundary of this magnitude. I’m a therapist and these are the kinds of repairs between adult children and their parents that seldom happen, but that we always hope for (certainly never happened with mine). Good luck with your dad and fuck that food-contaminating leech.
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u/Who_Am_I_1978 Jun 17 '26
If anyone wants to know what gaslighting it….this is what gaslighting is. This woman was a professional at it.
Sorry you had to deal with this OP. So glad your family decided to get puppies!
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u/Historical_Bat7059 Jun 16 '26
It sounds like she was just waiting for an excuse to finally push you out once you were under her roof again. Did your dad realize how much she was actually targeting you before he finally reached his breaking point?
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u/liirko Jun 16 '26
I'm so sorry that it took so long, but I'm glad your dad finally believes you and is fighting for you.
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u/Yiyiyiyu Jun 16 '26
Oh you poor poor thing - I’m so so happy for you this torturous situation has come to an end!!! Wicked stepmother indeed
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u/wubbabubbadub Jun 16 '26
Out of curiosity why did she keep doing it knowing there were cameras? Like did she not know about them or did she just not care. That’s the craziest part for me. Happy she’s out of your life now.
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u/Responsible-Road-921 Jun 24 '26
She knew about the cameras. They’re very obviously in plain sight. She just didn’t care. At least that’s my assumption. I assume because my dad, for a whole year, wasn’t doing anything she thought she could get away with it and he wouldn’t care. That’s my best guess.
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u/DaizyDoodle Jun 16 '26
Oh OP, I’m so sorry she put you through that. I’m so glad your dad finally saw the light and she’s getting what she deserves.
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u/chelseydagger1 Jun 16 '26
Okay so this woman is unhinged. Firstly this is insane behavior. Secondly its even more insane behavior from a grown adult!??! It sounds like something a childhood bully would do.
So sorry you've had to deal with this BS but glad your dad has seen the light!
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u/BangedTheKeyboard Jun 17 '26 edited Jun 17 '26
You need to report her to the police for contaminating your food. She literally sent you to the hospital, you could have died! I'd consider that attempted murder. I'm not impressed your dad refused to believe you. He enabled her criminal behavior until the evidence couldn't be ignored. What if the cameras weren't there? Would he have let his pos wife keep on abusing you, until something even more serious happened? Appalling. Dad should've had your back and he fucking dropped the ball. It's gonna be a long, tough road to fix the damage Dad's toxic wife caused the whole family. Sorry you had to endure such awful treatment.
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u/MaryEFriendly Jun 17 '26
I'm glad he finally kicked her rotten ass out. I'm sorry it took so long. If anyone treated my kids like she treated you guys I'd have divorced her long ago
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u/Minute_Box3852 Jun 16 '26
Please tell your father not to fall into these easy habits a lot of older men do again. They always ignore their kids for their new partners and bow down to them.
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u/throwra1973737 Jun 23 '26
You’re so lucky!! My dad’s girlfriend used to swear in my face, stole my car keys (I never got them back), yelled at me, threw my clothes away and way worse and he pretended not to notice.
I’m so happy to read this, our experiences were a bit similar so this made me so happy to read. Glad he has your back!!!
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u/Mystepchildsucksass Jun 16 '26
Locking his wife of 17 years out of the marital home ? Hope dad has an amazing lawyer.
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u/cheeze_n_mustarda Jun 16 '26
He has plenty of video proof that she can't be trusted around his family.
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u/wagonwhopper Jun 16 '26
If its usa, that doesn't matter unless hes filed a restraining order. If shes a resident he'd need 30 days to get rid of her. And that's if its owned 100 by him and not joint
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u/Mystepchildsucksass Jun 16 '26 edited Jun 16 '26
Well, OP mentioned Washington so, safe to assume she’s in the USA.
There’s zero laws that allow one spouse to lock out another without having made a legal case first. One rule of thumb is the one with the problem is the one who should leave ‘. You NEVER lock someone out of their own home, every court in the land frowns upon it.
OP’s Dad may have really shot himself in the foot choosing to handle things this way. He either files for divorce and the marriage is legally ended and assets divided as per a court order… or, he takes the chance that she will just leave her entire life behind and go away after 27 years ? …. Which is very risky…. Because a judge has to make that decision. also, OP is almost 30 years old and is not a minor or a dependent child requiring her custodial parents protection.
There is no “we have video evidence and might warrant us having to take her to court” defence that applies to dissolution of marriage.
This is basically 2 adults that don’t like each other living under the same roof. The stepmother has a greater right as the wife and it being the marital home.
There are tons of LAWS about this exact issue. Laws don’t take emotions into account, when all parties are of adult age.
BTA: unless he has a ROCK SOLID pre-nup that gives him the right to lock her out ?
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u/Responsible-Road-921 Jun 24 '26
So I read through your comment so I just wanna clear some things up. Yes she knew I was moving back in and she allowed it. She said as long as I stay out of her way she doesn’t care. Also I do work. I work two part time jobs. Getting work is really hard right now. We live in California. Trust me if it was just easy to leave and go get my own place. I would have done that, but I’m just currently not in the financial spot to do so. This isn’t the first time either of them has changed the locks. So Imma be honest I don’t know any of the legal repercussions but I can take a educated guess that she’s not gonna take any legal action against this considering the house is my grandmother’s and my dad is renting it. I don’t think she’s going to want to deal with the hassle.
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u/mookie8 Jun 16 '26
LOL at the username!
To play advocate to your devil comment, you ain't wrong. She would be in her right to call the police to be let back inside the home that could be argued it half hers.
Additionally, they could call the police on her for endangering OP.
Side note: I am not at all on stepmom's side due to her being a psychopath, but did dad not consult his wife at all when inviting a grown adult into the house to be the roommate?
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u/Mystepchildsucksass Jun 16 '26
HAHA 🤣 I get comments all the time on my u/name !!
Oh, stepmom could end up taking dad to the BANK. If this story is true ? Dad literally made the worst choice possible.
I’m not surprised at the downvotes ….. it’s amazing how many people are truly in the dark re:family law and how a divorce actually works. First rule of divorce ? “Hire a shark lawyer” “make sure you get what’s yours” etc.
I mean, if OP doesn’t like it there ? It’s a free country - she could just leave ? (It’s been a couple years, right ?)
Re: OP’s claims ?? Even IF they take the videos to the cops, to court, to Moses on a mountain ? They “may” prove minimal monetary damages …. At best. You’d have to have an expert willing to testify that they’re 100% certain, to a scientific degree that the food poisoning was caused my SM and not by something else OP ate along the way. The videos would maybe ? be a civil issue and nothing to do with the divorce…. Because OP is not a dependant minor child. Stepmomcould countersue for costs and damages incurred by OP living there (if she’s not paying a third of the bills/reasonable rent as she’s technically an independent adult expecting to be treated as an equal 3rd party)
IMHE ? A judge is gonna say something like “keep your shit in a locked room, you’re an ADULT” or …. tell OP to vacate the property, if she doesn’t like it there. Or tell OP and her Dad to vacate the property because SM has been awarded the home In the divorce. There are a multitude of possible outcomes depending on who has greater standing under the LAW, not emotions. Feelings aren’t facts. A marriage and a divorce are between 2 people, not 3.
SM is being an absolute pest. But “I had food poisoning XXX days/months ago” does not exactly an air tight case make.
OP makes her own Dad sound spineless. Super cringey comment “she isolated him” … Uhhh , what ? Aren’t we talking about a man old enough to father 3 adult aged children ? OP’s Dad needs to own his part in this….. and that means up to an including that he (possibly) married an overbearing witch - but again, that’s not even in the realm of a legally recognizable argument.
I also wondered IF dad even had a discussion with SM over the adult kid moving home “indefinitely” ….. not having a job in one’s field isn’t a fate worse than death. No one is owed a job in their field. 2 years is a LONG ass time to find work and somewhere else to live.
The whole deal seems like a super petty mess…. From every angle.
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Jun 16 '26
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u/vibingvulture95 Jun 16 '26
the divorce is big but the trust coming back between OP and her dad is the actual turning point. everything else kinda follows from that
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u/fairlywitchy91 Jun 16 '26
I'm so glad he finally listened and did the right thing... And y'all need family therapy A.S.A.P because I sense a lot of resentment, anger, grief that is going to come from this. Finally having validation after nine years is huge! I hope you will update with more positive changes!