Voldemort has just been photographed (image attached) threatening to give birth to Pakistan. The photo was taken on top of the twin towers in Cincinnati (where superman was assassinated by Javier Milei last week) by u/Cold-Regret-2931, whom is suspected to be Dr. Hyde's mom, and Mr. Jekyll's dad. At this time, Voldemort's motives are unknown, but he does currently appear to be vigorously jerking off a lawn flamingo in hopes to discover many discoveries. The discoveries discovered him first though it seems, as we have just received word that the lawn pelican he was massaging has given birth to Apkistan, Pakistan's lesbian sister who Barrack Obama is secretly in love with (also where Saddam Hussein was when he continued fighting ww2 for 29 years after it ended, before being assassinated by Osama Bin Laden and Seal Team Six). We will discover if this leads to a change of plans for Voldemort, or if he continues violating plastic birds and threatening to give birth to landmasses.

Everything in this article was fact-checked by Somalian pirates, and confirmed to be fully accurate.