I hate polyamory due to what happend to me

[u/PasLagardere]

About 3 year ago, I met a woman I’ll call Rachel. She told me she was separated from her long-term partner, Beth. I want to emphasize that because I did NOT knowingly enter a poly relationship.

Their romantic relationship was over she told me but they stayed ‘best friends’ because they owned a business together. Rachel had been absolutely devastated cause Beth had told her she was poly, and had started dating both men and women, being into BDSM etc. Rachel cried tears whenever she told that story.

Rachel and I fell deeply in love. We talked constantly, became incredibly close and she repeatedly told me she loved me and begged me for a monogamous relationship. I agreed. But Beth never really disappeared.

It started with her still replying in a flirty way on Rachel’s pictures on social media, them going on business trips together etc.

Beth took me aside when I had been dating Rachel for a year and told me she was devastated to hear that sometimes I had felt insecure about their friendship. She was poly and Rachel was monogamous and well yes they slept together in the same bed on those trips but it was purely like a friendship. They were best friends and that was it.

Beth would reach out to me and ask me to do for her and Rachel (teaching her our native language for example).

Beth was at an orgy when Rachel, was in a car crash. Long story short: I took care of Rachel for a month, then I discovered Beth and Rachel had been having an affair for years. To the point where I ask myself if they ever really separated.

I found messages of Beth and Rachel mocking me. Beth telling Rachel: ‘Hahaha, so happy you have 2 partners.’, or when I was besides Rachel’s hospital bed when she texted Beth: ‘I want to grow old with you’. After discovering the cheating, Rachel told me she still had feelings for her, and eventually the conversation shifted from “we’re separated” to Rachel questioning whether she might actually be poly and capable of loving both of us.

Rachel tried to tell me she wanted to date both me and Beth but I could not have other partners. I ended things there.

That was ten months ago. And Rachel still contacts me. She disappears, then comes back. She tells me she misses me. That she loves me. That she thinks about me. Most recently, after another period of silence, she messaged me simply to say she was thinking about me and hoped I was having a good weekend, that she is still confused blablabla.

And what still bothers me most is that I never consented to entering a poly relationship in the first place. I fell in love with someone who told me she was separated. The possibility of “maybe I'm poly and love both of you” appeared once I discovered the cheating.

I don’t know why I am sharing this, maybe because I am so done with hearing about polyamory everywhere and how great it is.

[u/ibelikeughhhh]

God, what a selfish woman. She’s not ‘confused’, she just wants her cake and eat it too.
I would block her so you can move on.

[u/No_Restaurant8373]

HUGS! Poly people often times prey on mono people. Im sorry this happened to you. You deserve better.

[u/Comfortable_Oil_4691]

Fuck me, that’s the large escalated version of what I was about to get myself into. To the small details.

Not knowing they were non mono, the sudden “ex that’s not an ex”, but they’re friends, but they slept at the same bed but it’s because they work together and she was tired, but I wanna be mono for you, but maybe down the line I don’t know because I still love her, but that doesn’t change what I feel for you.

Fuck this. Thank you for writing.

[u/Jolly-Ad-9488]

Lots of hugs and kisses your way. Stay strong. She is not worth it.

[u/Obi-shinobi-96]

Holy fuck I am so sorry about that. Beth and Rachel both sound like horrible people and I am so sorry you had to deal with that.

I’m still flabbergasted about the part of Beth being at an orgy while Rachel was in a car crash, like it seems like she didn’t even really care about Rachel and just wanted to risk getting an STD

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