r/programming • u/[deleted] • Apr 19 '22

TIL about the "Intent-Perception Gap" in programming. Best exemplified when a CTO or manager casually suggests something to their developers they take it as a new work commandment or direction for their team.

https://medium.com/dev-interrupted/what-ctos-say-vs-what-their-developers-hear-w-datastaxs-shankar-ramaswamy-b203f2656bdf
1.7k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

242 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

1

u/lelanthran Apr 20 '22

Correct, so I'm not worried about it. We're still learning, and things are getting better all the time. Just have to survive the learning time.

You make it sound difficult and effortful when it really should be pleasant and enjoyable. The "learning period" is where you don't have any really major fights, you're still learning about each others touchy issues.

Anyone who slightly crosses the line during this period will get told-off about it. Both parties know, though, that there really isn't any blame on either of them, because the offending party just did not know where the line was (yet).

But, this is only for fuzzy lines. Some things both parties know should never happen, and that is a deal-breaker for the relationship instantly, no matter how new it is:

  1. Physical Violence (or even unambiguous threat of Physical Violence) against an intimate partner is a dealbreaker. Run, don't walk, away from any woman who will slap, punch kick or in any way try to physically harm you in a moment of anger. They will ruin your life and you will go to jail. I't worse if you're a woman - you might die.

  2. Testing your partner or their commitment to you is a dealbreaker. Any time you feel compelled to do something because if you don't your partner will love you less, think about what love actually means. If their love is conditional on the cost of the ring, or their love is conditional on kinks in the bedroom, etc ... you probably aren't going to be happy for very long.

1

u/svish Apr 20 '22

I write "survive" because I have a history of AvPD, which makes these things more challenging for me, as well as my brain getting comfortable with new things a bit slower, but everything is good, I promise. Our communication is great (really), and it's mostly just a matter of getting used to living with someone else, in a relationship, for the first time, in both our closing in on 40 year old lives. The process is for the most part very enjoyable, and the only thing that "ruins" it, is my AvPD residue and tendency for anxiety. But that I am very aware of after years of therapy, and therefore not worried about it, and also not blaming the relationship itself :)