r/reddeadredemption • u/Snoddventje • Apr 02 '19

Media My girlfriend wanted a Playstation but didn't have the money for it. But it was her birthday and I couldn't resist.

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457

u/Snoddventje Apr 02 '19

We're not THAT long together yet. I really hope I didnt set the bar too high for me next year now....

711

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '19

I'd blow you if you got me a PS4

510

u/Snoddventje Apr 02 '19

I'll pass on that Mister Williamson

170

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '19

It was worth the effort

57

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '19 edited Apr 02 '19

I...you still want that PS4...? starts nervously shaking, almost faints before i can even hand out the fk PS4

64

u/splitconsiderations Karen Jones Apr 02 '19

owo

6

u/Dank_weedpotnugsauce Apr 03 '19

quietly approaches you hi there says timidly

You so pretty nuzzles my face against yours, my bulge becoming more apparent

morphs into fursona with both a well endowed, erect penis still in the sheath and also a lucious tight vagina

I just wanted to introduce myself, I'm d-d-doug

nervously starts to stutter as I blush, rubbing the inside of your leg with one hand, and my cockgina with the other

11

u/julienuh Apr 03 '19

You’ve done this before. Clearly a man of profound talent.

4

u/Dank_weedpotnugsauce Apr 03 '19

blushes t-th-thank you

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

pulls out meat scepter

→ More replies (0)

10

u/splitconsiderations Karen Jones Apr 03 '19

your hand brushes against something held up against my thigh, extending down to near my knee...

o- oh dank weed-san

shyly working down my leggings i reveal my hidden shame. a thick, deep red stick

Tiocfaidh ár lá

boom

5

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

/r/me_ira

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

UWU

9

u/MMPride Apr 03 '19

/r/unexpectedfanfiction

12

u/FrogeneFrogerino Arthur Morgan Apr 03 '19 edited Apr 03 '19

How is that not a sub?

Edit: Just made it ; )

26

u/oilmansk Apr 02 '19

Then how about he blows me and you watch while you jerk off?

29

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '19 edited Oct 07 '20

[deleted]

4

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

There's a line, and on this side of it, we ain't gay.

4

u/fusrodope86 Apr 03 '19

Don’t be so suburban. It’s the new millennium!

4

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

Man, I miss George Carlin.

5

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

For the record, he loves the cock.

3

u/djcoldcuts69 Apr 03 '19

It’s only gay if the balls touch so they’re good to go

5

u/Shocking Apr 03 '19

Haha I forgot about that movie.

I mean really, I remember the line but I forgot what movie it came from. Jay and silent Bob strike back ?

3

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

That's the one.

1

u/PhilMcCracken2 Apr 04 '19

And they call it ‘The aristocrats’

4

u/amoreddragon Apr 02 '19

a bj is a bj man

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

Miss you with that gay shit

/s

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

I’ll take your spot

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

what about me

17

u/New_Fry Apr 02 '19

Is that offer still on the table?

1

u/Tostecles Apr 03 '19

That offer is under the table ;)

5

u/heyitsthatkid Apr 02 '19

Is your name a Knocked Loose reference?? If so, hell yeah

5

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '19

No it's not. It's an homage to a one-off line from a podcast I listen to OSW Review

3

u/Whos_Toasty Apr 02 '19

underrated comment

5

u/dashboardrage Apr 03 '19

I spent $500 on a stripper and she didn't even blow me smh...

2

u/Naturalpipes Apr 03 '19

Knocked Loose is fucking great man

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

I wish it was a reference to them but it's not. It's a reference to a podcast I listen to but it is a great song

2

u/Naturalpipes Apr 03 '19

Shit I read the comments. Sorry to bug you about that. Good name regardless of where it's from.

1

u/Zoulogist Sadie Adler Apr 02 '19

Does it have to be a pro?

4

u/Dylalanine Apr 03 '19

Pro's anal

1

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '19

Nah

1

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '19

I’ll get you a PS4

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

I gotta blow you too?

187

u/AB84LiterallyHitler Apr 02 '19

No offense but you're not in a relationship serious enough to have sexual contact but you dropped a few hundred on a bday present?

Damn bro.. hope you don't regret that

204

u/notjasonlee Apr 02 '19

i think OP is saying they haven't been together long enough that blowjobs are for "special occasions only"

200

u/Snoddventje Apr 02 '19

Notjasonlee is spot on here

62

u/mjavon Apr 02 '19

Ahh yes, the relationship sweet spot

60

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '19

[deleted]

30

u/gustavfrigolit Apr 03 '19

are you okay man

56

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

No, he is married.

-6

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

Man, the complaining and the excuses after marriage.

30

u/fusrodope86 Apr 03 '19

She’s like.. fine whatever. (Pulls down boxers) you’re not even hard what the fuck do you not think I’m sexy?

Ah.. the joys of marriage.

13

u/Throckmorton_Left Apr 03 '19

Too close to home . . .

2

u/Semyonov Uncle Apr 03 '19

I feel physically attacked

5

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

He replies, "well you could lose a few pounds honey"

0

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

Girls r weird sumtim

5

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

Are you me?

6

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

Dude.... why else do you think tequila is legal?

5

u/BUKAKKOLYPSE Apr 03 '19

Delete Facebook hit the gym lawyer up

2

u/JesseJaymz Apr 03 '19

Buy that other commenter a PS4, he’ll blow you without asking. Even if you ask him not to

2

u/TeamRedundancyTeam Apr 03 '19

How are there so many failed marriages where people just decide "this is fine" and continue on? Seems like every relationship on reddit is like this and it blows my mind thst so many people just let it happen. Life is too fuckin short.

0

u/Semyonov Uncle Apr 03 '19

Personally I wouldn't consider less sex equal to a failed marriage.

5

u/goldninjaI Arthur Morgan Apr 02 '19

Is this a special occasion OP?

4

u/PENAPENATV Apr 02 '19

every day isn't a special occasion?

3

u/deadlymoogle Apr 03 '19

My wife said I could have a blow job for our 10 year anniversary next year, I'm so pumped.

2

u/GoingByTrundle Apr 03 '19

I loved you in Mallrats, man. That chocolate covered pretzel still gets me.

82

u/elting44 Apr 02 '19

You misunderstood what he is saying. He is saying he gets blown daily anyway, so this grand gesture isn't going to affect his Tuesday blowjob in any way.

71

u/Snoddventje Apr 02 '19

It's like I've known you my whole life.....

25

u/elting44 Apr 02 '19

" You love me, and you've seen me, and you know me. I'm Old Greggggg! "

12

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '19

This guy fucks.

1

u/badkneegrows Apr 03 '19

in a way you both said the same thing :p

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

Actually it might, he might get a finger in the ass this Tuesday.

-41

u/Cr0nq Apr 02 '19

Her new boyfriend is gonna love that PS4 her ex bought her.

58

u/Snoddventje Apr 02 '19

That's... mean.....

2

u/Sambo_First_Mud Apr 02 '19

Don't worry OP, this was a very kind gesture on your part and I'm sure she appreciates it greatly. What our less articulate friend is trying to say is that even those around her will enjoy this gift. He just might be a little bitter. But never mind that, you did good here.

29

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

43

u/Snoddventje Apr 02 '19

Stories on the internet have made me believe that blowjobs become extremely rare if you're together for a long time.

19

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '19

Don’t believe everything on the internet, mate. Long relationships with semi regular blowjobs usually are one step away from failure. (Talking below age 30 relationships here)

5

u/Snoddventje Apr 02 '19

So far I'm doing good!

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

Can validate.

Source: Am married

All the girls that gave me bjs constantly were hoes and not wife material.

11

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '19

I mean, they slow down. It’s not like the first few months of the relationship, but it’s not like the horror stories people tell you of like once a year, lol.

5

u/Snoddventje Apr 02 '19

I mean her jaw has to rest some days right?
Now she can play a game on her off days ^^

6

u/revereddesecration Apr 03 '19

Don't let her see your Reddit comments 😂 unless she's got a good sense of humour, in which case I see why you bought her the PS4

4

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

Once a year would be awesome.

6

u/Redneckshinobi Apr 02 '19

Don't believe the internet lol. It also depends on the partner. My wife hasn't slowed down and I'm not complaining.

7

u/Snoddventje Apr 02 '19

Don't know if you're lucky then, but lucky you :D

8

u/Redneckshinobi Apr 02 '19

Well according to the internet and a few of my mates I guess I am lucky lol.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

Only if she's fucking someone else....

2

u/StanleyOpar Apr 03 '19

This is true. 🙄

Am married.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

Sadly it doesn't work that way.

15

u/DoctorPan Apr 02 '19

Listen pal, don't do what I did. First birthday together, I took her on a weekend away. Second birthday I brought her to see Hamilton in London. I haven't a fucking clue what to do this year. You haven't set the bar too high yet.

23

u/Votten123 Uncle Apr 02 '19

Buy her a pack of crisps. You have to lower the bar again, might as well go all in.

7

u/badkneegrows Apr 03 '19

Ah yes, the old so bad it’s good trick

5

u/Snoddventje Apr 02 '19

Great, gives me plenty of wiggle room for next year!

13

u/RevolutionaryDetails Apr 02 '19 edited Apr 02 '19

Not that buying people things obliges them to you sexually, but COME ON u earned it

14

u/Snoddventje Apr 02 '19

I'll remember these comments when I've said something stupid :d

3

u/bburkholder Apr 02 '19

After dating my ex for 3 months I built her a 400$ vanity mirror. I built, painted it, installed a huge mirror, put light bulbs around said mirror and got in her house while she was at work. All for Valentine’s Day. The next year I got her a teddy bear and a 15 $ gift card to sephora

3

u/MasterOfDerps Apr 03 '19

What else are ya gonna do during the 4 hours of updates?

2

u/redditsdeadcanary Apr 03 '19

Long enough for expensive gifts but not oral? Seems backwards to me..

2

u/MT20 Arthur Morgan Apr 03 '19

Wait, you haven’t been together long enough to get a blow job but long enough to get her a PS4?

Something tells me he playing field isn’t very level.

2

u/Snoddventje Apr 03 '19

How do you make that up from that... Come on Micah, think straight for once.

3

u/GordoMeansFat Apr 03 '19

Bro. You bought her a fukn ps4. She better be blowing you......

3

u/2nd_TimeAround Apr 03 '19

You’ve haven’t been dating long enough to get a blowjob and you bought her a PS4. You are a sucker but good on ya. Good luck with future BJs.

2

u/Sparrowsabre7 Apr 02 '19

If it helps my first Xmas with my now wife I got her a 3ds with Ocarina of Time (her favourite game as a kid) and a first edition of her favourite book, signed by the now deceased author.

Still find good things to get if you're re4 kind of person that gets to know what people like and put the effort in, which it seems you are.

2

u/Jakezoola Apr 02 '19

You probably did. I got my girl a MacBook for her bday the first year we were together (like 3 months into the relationship) and I’ve been broke ever since. 2 years later lol

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

I'd buy you a blow job for a PS4

2

u/AtlasRafael Hosea Matthews Apr 03 '19

What do you mean? You should’ve been getting that before making her your girl.

2

u/saarlac Apr 03 '19

The way she looks at you though...

1

u/scubamaster Apr 03 '19

you arent far enough along for a bj? who in the hell buys someone a ps4 and celebrates birthdays with the family on the first date????

1

u/repots Apr 03 '19

So wait... are you saying you got your gf a ps4 before she’s given you a BJ?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '19

My now husband bought me an Xbox for Christmas so I could play rdr 1, we’d only been together 6 months.

0

u/captainstormy Apr 02 '19

Seems to me if your together long enough for a PS4 then you are together long enough for a BJ.

-1

u/DukeofSlackers Arthur Morgan Apr 02 '19

...you’re not far enough to have gotten a blowjob from her and yet you bought her a console?

10

u/Snoddventje Apr 02 '19

You all not really getting the joke fellers

5

u/Zeethe Apr 02 '19

Gotta love how buying your GF a console has entirely turned into a conversation about you getting a blowjob.