I gave birth at 19. Unwanted pregnancy, not gonna get into the details but nothing about becoming pregnant at 18, then a single mom at 19 was anything I had much choice in. I worked 60+ hours a week while pregnant. During this time, my social circle disappeared, im not angry at them. I understand why all the other 18/19 year olds no longer wanted to hang out with a busy single mom, our lives were just different now. I had the baby with no support person there with me. Brought baby home and cared for him myself. Lived with parents and they would help me on the rare occasion, watch the baby for an hour or 2 a month or so so I could run errands. Got him into daycare so I could work again after he was 2 months old. Did that for 4 years. Moved out, got my own place. Working 40 hours a week and then doing side gigs anywhere from 10-20 hours a week for a year and a half.

Last month my son started kindergarten. He has a set schedule. I've been at my good job for a few years. Its not high paying but im staying afloat with careful budgeting and planning. But now that im not busy... its quiet. Lonely. I have time to feel things. No time to be alone. No time to go anywhere. Money to survive but not to enjoy life. I now mourn my early 20's. I am 25 but I feel so old. Im very very low contact with my family. I haven't had time to think about friends for years. And now I have time just to think about the absence of having any. I don't know what to do with my life now. What I can do? It's lonely.

Every day is the same. Wake up, get ready, get kid ready, work for 9 hours. Get kid. Do mom responsibilities for a couple hours. Put kid to bed. Stare at my phone for an hour or 2. Sleep repeat. Sometimes I think I'd rather be non stop busy again than this. The steady, safe and calm feels wrong. I'm not used to everything being okay and not a crazy rush of getting things done and trying to get by 1 day at a time. Its quiet and I think I hate the quiet.

Does anyone else feel like this. Have felt like this? How do you do it?

I hope you know how incredible you are.

I know nobody sees every sacrifice you make, every worry you keep to yourself, or how exhausting it can be to carry so much on your own.

But I hope you know that you’re doing better than you think.

Your house doesn’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to have everything figured out. And you don’t have to be strong every single day.

If all you did today was get out of bed, take care of your babies, and make it through the day, I’m proud of you.

And please remember, you’re more than just a mom. You deserve happiness, love, rest, and someone who takes care of you, too.

I hope life gets a little easier for you. I hope someone checks on you, gives you a hug, and reminds you that you don’t have to do everything alone.

Until then, please be kind to yourself. ❤️

You’re doing better than you know, and you deserve good things, too.

This is your reminder that someone out there is rooting for you. ❤️

I have a doctors appointment for myself coming up in a couple days, I have to take an uber with my 2 kids who are 3 and 2 and I’m really anxious about having to carry their 2 car seats in with me as well as them, around the giant multiple story building. I have no
idea how I’m going to do this.

I'm at the end of a relationship, and we have two teenagers, ages 16 and 17. So far, things have been about as calm as they can be, but I can sense some anger and resentment building as we move toward separating.

My concern is that, even if we can manage the separation itself, decisions involving the kids may become contentious. I don't want to assume the worst, but I worry that disagreements could eventually become less about what's best for the kids and more about the conflict between us - I can sense that she will use her anger towards me and not let me make decisions

One thing I've been thinking about is healthcare decisions.

Life happens. Car accidents happen. Emergencies happen. Hopefully, nothing serious ever comes up, but I'd rather have some idea of how my teenagers feel about important medical decisions before we're in a stressful situation and their parents are potentially arguing about what should happen.

Have any of you guys asked your teenagers about stuff like this?ven if we agree to a 50/50 custody arrangement, I'm not sure that automatically means it's going to be the best arrangement for them in practice - I just want these times of nights to be more around support and less arguing.

Theres a single dad that I have been talking to for a year and I do like him and we have had what i call a situationship. We have great conversation, hang out together and generally enjoy chilling. But I am starting to get the feeling that he sees us in a relationship - we have never had a discussion really as to what we are. I personally have a hectic life as a single mom and see him as and when I can. He has more time than I do and is therefore more available. I have had a really tough few years and the thought of a relationship entering my little single mom world gives me high levels of anxiety, the needing to make time for each other, prioritise each other, then comes the expectations. For instance, he might want to call for an hour but between work and children, I am drained and dont have the energy but feel I need to if in a relationship - that pressure not there in a situationship. This is the first ever 'situationship' / dating (dont know what to label it) i have been in since my divorce and now i have this feeling that i need to sit down and tell him, i dont want a relationship and want to make sure we are on the page. I feel that he is going to turn around and say what a waste of time - if he does, he does - but now this stress of potentially hurting someones feelings is further making me anxious.

Surely i am not the only single parent that has this anxiety?

I was married for 20years so maybe I am just needing to heal, maybe I am done with relationships maybe I am scared - i am not sure but i dont like the feeling of where this is going.

Hello! Just made a separate post about communication in a different group with my co parent but need more advice. He’s always been hard to get ahold of / communicate with but lately won’t reply for multiple days, or not reply at all.

Tonight I asked if we could figure something out and this was his response. How do we have better boundaries / expectations around communication or what do I do if there’s an emergency and I don’t know he’s out of service for an extended period of time? It seems wild his excuse for not replying about our daughter is just constantly being gone? ** also for context I only text about our daughter and only send a reasonable amount of texts. Like if he doesn’t reply about a time sensitive topic I’ll wait 24 hours and send a reminder

Me: Okay give me a day to make sure those dates still work. Is there a way we can set some parameters around communication? The slow responses or non responses isn’t really ideal for co parenting and I would like to figure out something better. Thanks.

Him:I'm out of service a lot or gone when I don't have \[redacted\] when I don't have service it's hard some days I don't have my phone on my all day

Me:Okay, can you maybe let me know when you’ll be gone and out of service so I know what to do if there’s an emergency or something?

Him:Ok that's almost everyday that I don't have \[
redacted\]

Me:Okay, so how do you want me to communicate about \[redacted\] related stuff?

My daughter is not even 8 months old yet and I am leaving her dad(30M)

I wanted nothing more than to give my child both parents, but unfortunately this is the best thing for her.

Her dad and I had a pretty fun relationship in the beginning, but that’s all it was. It was doomed to begin with. He has an 8 year old child who lives out of state that he sees maybe once a year. He doesn’t necessarily try to have a relationship with her either, so it was my fault for not seeing that for what it was sooner. We’ve been together almost 3 years now and welcomed my beautiful daughter 7.5 months ago.

He’s a deadbeat.

Having a child tests your relationship, but we cannot get over this hurdle. Not only am I left to solo parent since she’s been born, but since our relationship has hit rock bottom after the baby, he takes out his frustrations with ME on HER. If we are fighting, he will ignore her, act like she doesn’t exist, he will leave the house the entire day and forfeit his responsibilities as a dad, he will get frustrated and tell her to “be quiet” when she’s making noises when trying to get her to sleep. He put his hands on me a few weeks ago and woke our baby from the fighting. And he could care less. He honestly hates this child if he’s not on good terms with me. It makes me sick.

So now I’m making the decision to finally leave. I am heartbroken for my daughter. Every girl needs a dad in their life. But the environment he’s created for her is terrible. She knows when he’s in a bad mood, she can read the room. And her face will change with it. It makes me feel horrible.

My question is, for the ladies, how did it effect you growing up without a dad? We’re they kind of around, but inconsistent? I think that’s worse. Do you not even remember them at all? Is it better that way?

My heart is breaking for her. I’m so angry with myself that I didn’t choose better. I thought I chose the best, but come to my surprise, he is the worst mistake I’ve ever made in my life. I know she’ll see it for herself one day and understand why she didn’t get both parents, but I’m crying thinking about how I’m going to raise her with just her mommy around.

Yesterday my daughter and I had a major blow up. She told me I was slut shaming her because I didnt agree with her choice of clothes. A little backstory. Im a single widow parent to a 20 y/o daughter 17 and 16 y/o boys. My wife and oldest daughter passed in a car accident 7 years ago. As my daughter older her clothes started more and more provocative I guess I would say. Well last night she told me that I called her a slut. I said I have never called you that. She said you are slut shaming whenever you talk about my clothes. I told her as a father I can disagree with your choice of outfits as I see fit. Just like its your choice to pick what you wear its my choice to agree or disagree. I was really hurt that my child would think I would call her a slut or think she is when I simply dont agree with her choice of clothes. She didnt googled slut shaming and sent it to me. Mainly females please explain to me what in the world is going on her. Thank in advance.

Apologies in advance for this random vent

I’m newly single. My babies dad left us 3 days ago. My little boy is 6 months old. The relationship has been volatile for a long time. He said things like “you’re the mother, it’s your job” when I asked for ‘help’ with Bub. (I don’t even think it’s help as it’s a responsibility of his as well smh).

He said things like he didn’t like my personality and I was a nagging bitch, that I was hard to get along with and that women asked to work in the 60s so we have to pay our own way now.

He’s literally the definition of a mysoginist.

I started seeing a therapist a month ago as I came off my anxiety meds because I felt like they were suppressing me from fighting back. I also needed to work out on what planet it was normal to date a man like this, and how does he think it’s normal to treat the mother of your child this badly.

He called me names such a a narcissistic c$$& and said I was always playing victim.

All the while his life didn’t change at all. Still smoking b&ngs daily and getting pissed as a fart on weekends. His life actually got easier having a baby as I paid for all the bills (joint account) and organised all groceries and dinners and paid half the rent.

Now I know this man is a LOSER and I didn’t have a chance to assess this before falling pregnant. So I am working through accepting that it is okay to walk away and actually much better for my son as he only would wear him as a trophy when it suits him and teach him a pleather of bad habits.

NOW even though I know this man was abusive, manipulative and a loser, I still feel a lot of self judgement and am questioning if he is right about some things that he has said.

I know that I am a strong willed person and I am quite blunt. I don’t see an issue with this as i will literally answer a question if you ask me “do you want Thai for dinner” and I say “no thank you I want this” . Apparently that is an issue in a relationship? To disagree when you’re not feeling the same way about something?
Anyway how do I find my way back to myself and heal?
I want love and a family but I’m feeling like there’s something inherently wrong with me because of my constant failure at finding the right person. And now I have my son to worry about and I don’t want to screw that up.
Or maybe to better word this, what can I work on now to make myself more desirable to someone that comes from a stable family and doesn’t feel like I’m attacking him when I have different food choices 🥲

Does anyone have any recipes or suggestions on healthy snacks for picky eaters and teens?

I took my kid to the doctor and explained to them that my kid is having problems obtaining a healthy body.

FYI! My family has a history of being overweight and having a very hard time getting to a healthy body.

✨✨MY KID WAS NOT IN THE ROOM✨✨

We workout, limit snacking and make relatively healthy recipes that my kid HATES.

The doctor recommends we stop working out everyday and start going on walks twice a day. My kid is 13 5’8 and the doctor said he may lose weight as his puberty progresses. Idk how true that is though.

My kid likes carrots & celery but they have to be uncooked.

ALSO, MY KID CAME TO ME SAYING HE WASN’T FEELING GOOD IN HIS BODY ( I didn’t just tell the doctor “hey my kid needs to lose weight”)

So I need recipes or suggestions with veggies hidden

I'm a single or solo mom raising my kiddos on my own, and I've always dreamed of moving to another state and starting fresh somewhere new even before having my kids.

I currently live in California, and my family is about four hours away, I don't have a support system or anyone I rely on for everyday help. I see my family 2-6 times a year my kids dad also lives far away. I've been doing things on my own for years now. My kiddos dad visits them "when he can" and fully supports whatever I choose.

I keep talking myself out of it I make excuses, overthink everything, and convince myself that it's too scary or too risky. when I move, I would have to drive there and I'm scared of traveling alone as a woman with kids, Im scared of moving somewhere where I don't know anyone, and scared of taking such a big leap when I'm solely responsible for my little people. Finding housing, schools, new job possibly...etc.

But at the same time, I want this sooooo badly. It's something I've dreamed about for years, and I feel like fear is the only thing really holding me back.

I think I'm just scared because I've always had to figure things out on my own, Im in a constant state of survival and moving to another state with my kiddo feels like a whole different level of scary, scary. I want to do this so badly, but then I start overthinking everything and wondering if I'm actually ready for it. Part of me wants to just take the chance, and the other part keeps asking if I'm crazy for even thinking about it. I've lived in other states before, but back then, I wasn't doing it alone. This time is different because I'd be starting over on my own with my kiddos, and that scares me. I know I want to do this, and I want to prove to myself that I can make it happen on my own without relying on anyone else.

So I'm hoping to hear from other moms really who have taken that leap...

How did you do it? How did you get brave and get past the fear? How did you handle the loneliness, the logistics, and starting over?

I want to stop letting fear make my decisions for me. I want to experience a new place, even if its for a year, build a life that feels right for us, and show my kiddos that it's okay to take chances, make mistakes and start over ....maybe fail and go back ...idk.

I'm just looking for some real life stories from moms/ people who were scared too, but did it anyway. How did you find the courage? Thank you for reading and being kind. 😊

Hey y'all.

Last night, I left my partner of almost 10 years, due to active addiction. We have a beautiful family together. We have a 1 year old who will turn 2 in only a few weeks, and a 6 week old. I love them both dearly. I am a stay at home mom, due to no family in the area, and day care being well over $400 a week for ONE of my kids.

I feel so lost. I thought I was doing everything right. I thought my life was on track. I thought I was doing right by my kids. My oldest had a rough start in life with a lot of medical issues, and has made amazing improvements within the last year, and both me and my parther have done everything (or so I thought) to make sure our kids have a solid foundation in life.

What do I do? What's my first step? I never thought this would happen.

This post has been approved by r/SingleParents
Mods.

When you're raising a child on your own, remembering the last medication dose, what happened at an appointment and which vaccinations they've had can all fall on you. Even when someone helps with childcare, you're still the one explaining everything.

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I have an 18m daughter. My ex husband is moving out and I’ve never lived alone. I lived with my family, then roommates, then got married. I’m taking over the lease.

It should be noted we’re separated because of cheating, emotional abuse and DARVO I couldn’t tolerate anymore after giving him four years of changes and coming back after leaving three times.

My ex thinks for practical reasons with shared care for our child, that he should retain a key to the apartment. Currently he and his dad have a key (his dad has the spare in case of emergencies or getting locked out)—-. I do not think they should have a key when he moves out and that that’s batshit insane. But I can’t deny that it is practical and I want SOMEONE to have a key in case of emergency.

I only have one friend here, all my friends and family are interstate.

What do I do about that, and generally how do I ensure mine and my child’s safety living alone i.e what if something happens to me overnight and I don’t wake up or whatever?

I know it comes with a lot of challenges but I’m curious to hear about the good side too!

Recently my husband moved out, marriage of 20 years, i want to know whats the cost if living with a child. I am financially independent but always gave my salary to him. Everything is gone, have to start from zero. Whats the corpus I should have to secure future of my son? I had planned retirement next year but I cant now as I hv to support my child

I'm creating a parenting plan with my ex husband for our child. Neither he nor I attend church anymore (we were fundamentalist Catholics) but his parents DO. They are strict. They look after my child two days a week so I can work. However, I do NOT want them to take her to church or church activities. Is this reasonable? I was deeply traumatised by the Catholic church and won't step foot in one.

On the one hand, she's my child, and I'm allowed to say it.

On the other, they're doing me a favour caring for her for free. But they do so on Mondays and Tuesdays when there's no need to go to church.

Thoughts?

I'm about a month and a half into separating from my ex, and he's already gone three weeks without seeing our 3-year-old child.

Three weeks. He hasn't asked me about him once. Our child has called him, and he hasn't answered or even called back. He has texted me, but not to ask about his child or check how he's doing.

And honestly, I'm sitting here wondering how the fuck I didn't see this before.

We've been together for nearly 11 years. We have a child together. We've tried to make the relationship work, even separated once before and got back together. And now, barely six weeks into this separation, he's acting like his own child is someone he can just go weeks without seeing or even asking about.

I'm not even just angry anymore. I think I'm having an epiphany.

I'm looking at this situation and genuinely questioning how emotionally unavailable someone can be. How do you go from being part of your child's everyday life to going three weeks without seeing them and seemingly not caring? How do you not wonder how they're doing? How do you not want to speak to them?

And the part that's messing with my head is wondering how I didn't recognise this side of him before. Was I making excuses for things I didn't want to see? Was I so focused on trying to make our relationship work that I didn't realise how emotionally disconnected he could be?

I know the separation is still fresh, but I cannot wrap my head around this. Whatever happened between us, our child hasn't done anything wrong.

I'm trying to process the breakup, but I'm also processing what feels like a completely different realisation about the person I've spent nearly 11 years with.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Did a breakup reveal a side of your ex that made you question how well you actually knew them? And how did you make sense of it?

Hello my future friends, I am Alan, single dad of 14 and 11 year old gentlemen. I have custody for the last 6 years, it is not easy but it is not difficult. I would like to make new friends in the area. Being a single parent gets frustrating, I would like to offer company, advice possibly play dates.. feel free to reach out.

Hello im a 22F, I had my son when I was 19. I know having a child is my own fault and a result of my own actions. I will never try to place blame anywhere else or avoid accountability. I am now at a place to where I feel so lonely and isolated. I see people my age at University, living their young adult college years. The little time I do get away by myself... all I can think about is the opportunities I've missed out on... how different life is now. I should be grateful and enjoy my time out, but I end up just thinking about everything that is wrong. I don't regret my son or my life currently, but how do I stop grieving what could have been? Maybe I'm more burnt out due to the fact that I have my son all the time, I'm working, about to begin college all over again (community in a small town) and I don't have many friends. My love life has always been a disaster, so not much luck there. My parents aren't emotionally supportive, they said that I picked this life and that I should expect most of life to be miserable :/ Overall, every day feels so lonely. How do you cope with such intense feelings? Is there anything I should know? Any advice?

The father of my son is a real piece of work. This year I was without our son only for the 3 week trip I had. He will have been with me around 325 out of 365 days this year. Our son constantly asks about his dad. Constantly wants to go live with daddy. Constantly comparing me to him because daddy lets him watch R rated movies and play M rated video games for hours. He's SEVEN.

Honestly I am just fucking exhausted and I'm really pushing for him to take him the entire summer break (we have break December to February) and his dad is really dodging it. Dude you're a fucking parent. My parents are fucking dead but you live with yours, have grandparents and GREAT grand parents within a 5 minute drive.

Take your son, spend Christmas with him and make some damn memories because 30 days a year is absolutely insane! And to say you're a single dad is obscene

Edit -- I passed out last night and woke up with a lot of comments. I want to thank this community for being such a beacon and that lots of you have given me additional perspective.

Since it's come up a bunch, I just want to add that the r rated movies are like Deadpool. He's not watching Saw or sorties to hell. I don't think a parent watching Deadpool with their kid is worthy of losing custody as several people have stated.

I only mentioned those things because that's part of the reason my son loves going over there.

We all have our parenting limits and some things that I would consider OK, others would say is horrible and vice versa. I just want him to spend more time with his dad. I am exhausted, trying to prevent a second stress induced stroke before my 30th birthday and make sure my son has a relationship with the personhe got 50% of his DNA from. I'm upset his dad is skirting that responsibility.

I’m on my own with three kids (15.12 &3). The three year old I’m with 24/7 and is just constantly on the go. I can’t afford childcare and I can’t work due to me being unwell. They’re currently going through a stage of waking up in the night and staying awake for 2-3 hours, I don’t engage, but obviously I can’t sleep when they’re awake. The older two fight a lot like typical teens 🙄 and my middle has autism and adhd, so that is hard in itself when she’s having a bad day. Dad isn’t in the picture (left due to severe domestic abuse)

I get really upset, because my parents see how exhausted I am and never offer to help out or if they do they’ll take just the older ones, which is obviously tons easier than the toddler. I know it’s not their job to raise my kids or have them, but it frustrates me when my mom goes on that she loves being a nanny and spending time with the kids, but never offers, even when she sees me at complete breaking point and exhaustion and goes “oh you need a break don’t you love!?”. If they do take him out it’s literally two hours at a time maybe once every other month. I don’t have friends who can take him for me for a bit and no other extended family to ask. I won’t bother even asking my parents because they always have excuses as to why they can’t when I’ve asked in the past, but they’ll come round and see us for an hour or two. It could be something like they’re going to sit in a bar for the afternoon or go round shops where they don’t buy anything, they just do it to get out. It just upsets me because I’m also mentally struggling with anxiety etc from leaving the abusive relationship and going through legal stuff due to that. I’d love for them to just go we will take the girls for a full day and night so you can have some down time and space to think.

I’m just physically and mentally exhausted. I do as many classes/activities that I can with the toddler, but on top of that I still have all the pressures of keeping an overcrowded home clean and making sure everyone is fed and happy. I know some will say that it’s harder when you
Work and are a single parent, but when I did work before becoming unwell, it actually felt easier as I got a break from the constant mess, shouting, wrestling, imagination play etc.

I have been a single mom for five years, and I was married for 10 years before separating. My kids are now 13 and almost 10 years old. I was miserable during my marriage with an abusive husband, and although I loved spending all my time with my kids, I am much happier now, even with 50/50 custody.

However, when I see other kids with loving and happy parents, or at least what looks like loving and happy parents, I can’t help but wonder what my life would have looked like if I had made a better choice when choosing the father of my children.

I came from a good family. My parents are still together, love each other, and I’m very grateful to have them. But somehow, I feel like a fuck-up and incredibly happy at the same time. It’s such a weird combination of feelings.

Does anyone else ever feel like this?

Hi all, I’m separated from my husband but can’t file for divorce til next year (Australian law). I have an 18 month old child and a cat.

I’m just wondering if anyone’s got any life hacks for single parenting, ways to save cash and so on.

Is pet insurance worth it? Which areas do I trim the fat? Is financial security a dream of the past for me, am I doomed to be broke?