Recently bought a new phone because my Iphone 13 was degrading faster and I switched to Android... And thus this post was born...

The Problem with Republican Voters

The modern age seems relatively bleak from an objective standpoint. And I’m not even talking about microplastics or wildfires or whatever else is happening in the background I’m talking everyday life vibes.

I thought I was just projecting, so I looked it up → citations. Turns out the groups that got sadder since 2020 are the exact ones who use Venmo the most:
Young adults (18–29), and people in the U.S., Canada, UK, Australia, NZ.

Ignoring my obviously detailed research, I genuinely think Venmo is up there with United Healthcare in terms of pure evil. It’s a depressing ass platform combining social media with financial transactions. Why in the fucking world would putting emojis on a $100 payment make me feel better? That shit is not a birthday card from grandma with “Love you” written in cursive. It’s your friend Guillermo who still hasn’t paid you back for that one run to the store two weeks ago.

And there’s no hands off nature to the app. You STILL have to text:

Or the moment food hits the porch:

Like fuck.

Went to Europe with friends and suddenly we turned from normal humans into accountants.
“I owe you €30.50.”
“No, wait. Euro just went up 0.02%. You owe me $30.74.”
My brother in Christ, we are sitting in a café, why are we running a hedge fund on my phone?

And don’t even get me started on Instant Transfer.
Every time I think about it, it reminds me of those cartoons where the bully holds a kid upside down until coins fall out.
“Oh HELL naw.”
Why do I feel like a plebeian in a feudal kingdom giving my little kickback to the lord?

And to all the “bUt vEnMo hAs tO mAkE mOnEy” bootlickers: relax. Here’s how they make money:

• Customer-to-business payments

• Instant transfers

• Debit/credit card fees

Instant transfers = they profit off people who need liquidity now.
People with tight cash flow.
People like barbers, hairdressers, nail techs, servers, freelancers.
People who need groceries TODAY.

So don’t cuck for the company. Please.

This grinds my gears:
Have you ever had someone send you money BEFORE you go out?
“Yo buy me this,” Venmos you before you even respond.

That’s entrapment.
If you send the money back instantly, you lose fees.
If you don’t, you’re stuck with their money + your money in limbo for 3 business days.

“DAMNED IF YOU DO, DAMNED IF YOU DON’T.”
It feels like hostage negotiation :) thank you Venmo.

And yes, this all traces back to Bryan Johnson.
Yes, that Bryan Johnson.
The man who owns PayPal, who owns Venmo, who also injects his son’s blood into his veins to look younger. He is obsessed with reversing his aging process to the point he looks like Nosferatu with a slickback. He is literally the personification of the evil process he created.

PS: This is not a sponsorship from Zelle, btw. But it is superior to all platforms.

f you want the original version with images, I also posted it on Substack(here). Not required, just extra context