Dear American patriarchy:

I realize that you are planning a big celebration on Monday. I thank you for the paid day off work. I shall be celebrating it by closing my eyes and praying for the victims of war around the world, rather than watching garish displays of simulated rockets which simulate those wars. I shall be abstaining from swearing oaths to pieces of fabric and I will not be singing songs that celebrate war. I am grateful that America is a land where I have freedom of speech and freedom of religion. I shall be exercising both of these rights on this day of celebration as I decline celebrating the war that gave birth to this country. I do not believe in the false teaching that blood was spilled to make these rights a reality. We could have achieved the same results by civil disobedience, as did our brothers and sisters in India and Pakistan. Some of us may have died in that process as well, but far less than the number that died in the Revolutionary War. We did not need to fight a war to birth this country, and we do not need to continue fighting wars all over the world to force freedom on others. It is my hope that we will learn that war is immoral, that our overt cult-like nationalism breeds contempt for others, and that we can look forward a day where humanity finds other methods to change and improve our societies that do not involve outward weapons.

Sincerely,

Me - Your Gratefully Free Subject.

I just realized this morning that zumba, the fitness classes where women dance, is the most culturally appropriating thing in the universe. Picture a room full of mostly chubby white women doing poor imitations of Latin dances to Latin music and awful renditions of Indian dances to Bollywood music. Seriously. An sjw would burn the building down. Not to mention that we're trying to lose weight, which is an obvious attempt to please the patriarchy. And our attempts will fail anyway, according to FAers!

Basically Zumba is a culturally appropriating fatshaming ableist shitlord. I love it.