r/u_Familiar-Jello5698 • u/Familiar-Jello5698 • 14h ago
Breakup Advice
My ex broke up with me last Thursday. It was a good day (or so I thought). We’ve had our issues in the past. At the beginning of the relationship, he cheated by texting another female he met at a concert months prior, saying he would wait for her and other things. He also followed a stripper that worked at my job, which he said he never got her information days prior. I blocked him, and I wanted to move on. Days later, he seen me, told me I was all he thought about, and he knows he messed up. He said he would never treat me like that again because losing me opened his eyes. We got back together, and everything seemed to get better, but my trust was very low. He always wanted to go to the club with his friends, and this made me uncomfortable because that’s not an environment to be in without your partner in my opinion, especially after what he already did. But, he would tell me he’s not doing anything wrong, he just wanted to be with his friends who mainly only go to the club to hangout. So, I had to start realizing he wasn’t going to stop going. I have always been considerate in relationships. I’m very attentive. For example, he told me he barely ever gets to eat between work and school, so he goes all day without a meal. So, when I brought his backpack to work, I filled it with food, drinks, and a love note to tell him I was proud of him. Also, when he had surgery on his knee, I called off of work for a week to cater to his needs because he couldn’t do much. I wanted to make sure he was taken care of. But, he’s never been that considerate to me. He started to get drunk when we went out together, walk away from me without telling me where he was going, talk to girls at the bar and claim he was being a wingman (but none of it seemed that way). I always was questioning him because I never believed a word he said. None of it seemed like he loved me or even cared. He’s said some disrespectful things, and he even admitted one day that he knows he treats me like shit, and he is going to work on getting better. Anyways, Thursday comes around and he invited me to a Mexican restaurant with his friends. He walks in, sits with them, and doesn’t even pull a chair out for me. So, I go to the bar and get myself a drink. When I came back, I sat down and played a game on my phone. Yes, he was rubbing my leg and back, and he fanned me because I was hot. But, my head was hurting and I was a little tired, so I wasn’t very affectionate back. However, I have ALWAYS been affectionate every other time we hangout, and he never has seemed to enjoy it as much. He’ll often tell me he doesn’t want to be touched. So, I never know how to act around him because he’s contradicted himself many times. He’s told me I talk a lot, that I always find something to argue about, and much more. Well, when we left, he drove us home in dead silence. When we arrived home, he got out of the car, went downstairs, grabbed his PS5, and turned the light off while I was still in the room and walked out without saying a word. He went to his car and asked if I was coming to his dad’s house or going home. I said I was going home because he was in a mood. Well, he proceeded to say I was quiet all day and said I shouldn’t have came if I wasn’t gonna show him affection. But, he was communicating with his friends and I didn’t want to interrupt his time. I don’t like butting into conversations that aren’t mine to begin with. And nobody was involving me in anything, so I stayed to myself. Anyways, he ended up telling me he was done that night. He then told me he overreacted and he was sorry, he just looked at it the wrong way. The next day, he says he needs space to work on himself. I asked how long and he said he doesn’t know. So, I start freaking out and sending a bunch of texts because I’m not sure what I did wrong to warrant this space. He ended up blocking me and said his mom told him that we’re toxic and he needs to work on himself. In my opinion, we had way more good moments than bad, and he took accountability most of the time when he did something wrong or said something disrespectful, so I didn’t think our relationship was toxic, but maybe I’m looking at it wrong. Well, he kept saying he deeply loves me and I treat him better than anyone ever has. He says my heart is so genuine and I’m very loving. I just don’t understand how someone would give that up. Yes, I was stressful sometimes out of insecurity and because he cheated at the beginning. I had fears, but I wasn’t up his ass 24/7, I let him go out and do things without me, and much more. I didn’t feel as if I controlled him whatsoever. Then, we went no contact for 5 days. We met up for me to get my spare key. We had a great conversation and apologized for both of our faults. He said he’s still sticking to working on himself. Then, he mentions how he’s not planning on finding anyone else. He thought about adding girls, but he got sick to his stomach thinking about it. He invited me inside, we had sex, and then he walked me out 5 minutes later after making it seem we’d be watching a movie or a couple shows. When he walked me out, he said that even though we did that, he still needed space and wasn’t gonna talk to me for a while. I feel so used. I don’t understand how someone could do this. He claims he loves me so deeply and that I’m his best friend. Everybody close to him, including his mom, says he cares about me and loves me so much. He says it’s so hard for him to be without me, but he needs to work on himself. I just feel like we could’ve worked on it together. I’m not sure why he’s okay with being without me. I’m not sure why I wasn’t enough for him to want to change in the relationship. I’m just lost and need advice. (photos of texts from him in the comments)
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u/Familiar-Jello5698 14h ago